January 11, 2009
Mindfreak (featuring Dio)
I have a few theories on how the conservative brain works differently than other brains. For example, I've mentioned before that conservatives seem to have the amazing ability to hold two completely opposite beliefs at the same time and never realize that they're diametrically opposed to each other. That's why my conservative friend Mel can rant and rave against universal healthcare because it would be run by the government, but quickly admits he'd let his child go to public schools.
Another theory is that conservatives think one way on an issue when it affects someone else, but they change their tune if they're doing the suffering. For Mel it was his hatred of universal healthcare, until his stepdaughter was in the hospital and he saw how expensive it was going to be, and when his grandmother's medicaid ran out and the hospital wanted to kick her out. Then he was all in favor of fixing the health industry.
Then there's the third theory, or the Buckley Theorem. That's the one that says that conservatives leap to the worst possible extreme conclusion in order to make their point. William F. used to love to say that if gay people got married, then we'd have men marrying animals. Another thing we heard all the time was if we don't invade Iraq and kill al Qaeda (yeah, I know), then Osama will take over America and declare himself our new president and rape all our women all at once. Oh, and did you hear the one about how Obama will make us a Muslim country and rape all our white women (cuz he's black) if he gets elected? For many conservatives there are no shades of gray - if you let X (whatever they don't like) happen, then it's the end of the world.
Like Stephen Colbert says, conservatives think from the gut, not from the head. And that's why Scott Stantis does such a great job of summing up the conservative mindset today. Prickly City is hit by a massive blizzard. Time passes, the snow melts, and we see the frozen, dead carcass of Winslow holding a sign that once said "Stop Global Warming."
Deep breath. Yeah, I know it hurts the brain, but let's check out how awful this really is.
For starters, I'm guessing Stantis heard about the snow storm that hit New Orleans in December, hence this strip. So it makes perfect sense for him to have a blizzard hit the desert. Because in his mind, "global warming" means one thing and one thing only: the globe getting warm, and that's the ONLY thing it could mean because if global warming does happen, the ONLY outcome is that things get warmer (and gays will marry sheep). Forget the little things like how the rising temperature will have unpredictable effects on the atmosphere as a whole, resulting in freak flooding in Seattle and Chicago in the middle of winter. Or how here in northern Illinois we now regularly have 30 and 40 degree swings in temperature (yesterday it was 30, Tuesday we're supposed to be near zero - and that's happened a half dozen times since Thanksgiving).
So a blizzard hitting a southern state isn't proof that global warming is a real threat - the fact that the temperature returned to normal levels and melted the snow is proof that global warming is a good thing since it (eventually) warms things up. Got that?
A simple strip to sum up the simple yet convoluted mindset of a conservative. Global warming is a myth - unless it melts a freak blizzard, and if that happens then it's a good thing. It comes pretty close to featuring all three of my conservative mind theories:
1. Two opposite beliefs held at the same time? Apparently global warming doesn't exist because there was a blizzard, but the snow did melt so maybe global warming is real - which is a good thing since it makes us warm. Check.
2. They think one way until it effects them personally? I'm guessing Scotty had to shovel some snow when that storm hit last month, inspiring this strip. There's also a chance of snow there this week.
3. If something they don't like happens then the world will come to an end? Well considering Winslow is DEAD at the end of this strip, I'm thinking that yeah, Stantis went a little far to show how much he hates Al Gore for suggesting global warming is a real threat.
But while Winslow might be dead, and least Dio has returned from the grave to offer up the punchline. Nothing like having a character we haven't seen in months show up for a one time strip about global warming. 9 more days...
September 03, 2008
Left, Center, Right
Pop quiz, hotshots:
Which way do you see the cactus leaning in today's strip?
Show your work.
Posted by Sacki at 10:53 AM | Comments (0)June 03, 2008
Evolution
(Updated Below)
Using the evil internets I was able to track down where Stantis has been getting his quotes from - some press release sent out on Earth Day by the Washington Policy Center, one of those "conservative" operations funded by right-wing millionaires. Yes, there were a few folks saying that in the 1970s things were going to get colder. You know, back when people could only use a phone that had a cord connecting it to the phone line, when computers ran on reel to reel tapes, and everybody needed an antennae to watch 13 television stations.
Man, I wish I could live in Stantis' world, where I just trust the Bible to tell me what to believe. It's much harder living in the real world, where things evolve and change and advance over time. Over the weekend I watched the shuttle launch on the news, where they had a camera mounted on the fuel tank that allowed viewers to watch as the shuttle left our atmosphere. Back in 1970, Apollo 13 was only our third attempt at reaching the moon, and when an explosion crippled it they were relying on protractors and compasses to figure out a way to get home. But in Stantis' world, they would have just prayed really hard that they get home safely.
So in answer to Carmen/Stantis' question about what makes climate theory more accurate now than it was then, it's called "evolution." I know you don't believe in it, but our technology has evolved by leaps and bounds over the last 40 years. 40 years ago, I would have had to actually subscribe to a newspaper to read Prickly City - now I can pull it up for free on the evil internets. And I can point out how lame and unfunny it is online for a few people to read - even though technically millions could read it if Sacki didn't scare them all off.
But alas, not everything evolves with time. Right Stantis?
(Prickly City, April 15th, 2006)
(Prickly City, June 2nd, 2008)
Thanks to U Know Who for pointing this out. Maybe we should send out a press release to all of the newspaper editors out there letting them know that they're paying twice for the same damn strip because Scott Stantis is too lazy to be original. Then again all he does is spew out right wing talking points he reads in press releases anyway, so I doubt this would come as news to them.
***UPDATE***
U Know Who catches Stantis again, this time from October 2006:
Back to back retreads? Much like McCain's flip flopping, maybe Stantis doesn't realize that in the internet age it's not so easy to be so dishonest.
June 01, 2008
Leading Some To Think Prickly City Sucks
Once again, I "get" what Stantis is going for here. But it just doesn't work for me.
Winslow yaps on about the Big Bang Theory and how "some" people think that once it reaches its zenith, time will go backwards. So he shakes up a can of pop and gives it to Carmen, apparently hoping that at the very moment she opens it the entire universe will have expanded as far as it can. Um, yeah.
Again, I see what he's trying to do. But geez louise, can we get something other than a first draft when we read Prickly City? This is just a basic idea in search of someone who can actually articulate it. Has anyone been reading Opus lately? Breathed has been doing a great series where Opus learns that he's just a character in a comic strip, and he's able to make it funny and insightful AND still relates it to politics.
Readers of Prickly City get half-baked philosophizing from a junior college dropout who's a George W. Bush apologist and wouldn't know a funny joke if it bit him on his zenith. That's not fair and balanced, that's just cruel to comic strip readers everywhere.
Posted by The Furnace at 02:18 PM | Comments (1)May 24, 2008
This Should Be Illegal
This is a really bizarre strip.
Upon first reading, it looked like Carmen had transformed into Winslow halfway through swinging as she/he talked about gravity. That can't be right, I thought to myself - they must be swinging side by side. Looking more closely, that does seem to be the case - but it's still weird. Panels 1 and 2 really aren't separate panels - the way the ropes (or whatever those are supposed to be) are drawn it shows that Winslow and Carmen are on the same swing set. Same for panels 3 and 4. But...where's the movement?
Panels 1/2 and 3/4 are pretty much the same, except that in 4 Winslow has somehow fallen off his seat (I guess because of gravity, but that doesn't make any sense if his body is in motion as any kid on a swing set will tell you - kinda sorta the whole point of swinging, so you don't fall off). This is really just a mess.
Much like yesterday, I "get" what Stantis is going for - but he's such a horrible artist that he can't convey the ideas he comes up with. He's like a child who wants to walk but instead just scoots on his butt everywhere because he can't be bothered with figuring out how to use his legs correctly. Because hey - why walk if you can scoot until someone comes along and carries you out of pity (or because you're a conservative and you're allowed to keep your job for a fake sense of balance)?
And, um, if we're going to talk about science and "fighting the power," shouldn't Carmen be the one that's fallen on her ass because she doesn't believe in silly scientific theories and laws? Next thing you know she's going to be believing in other theories like that the Earth is older than 8,000 years old and we didn't descend from Adam and Eve. Blasphemy!
Posted by The Furnace at 10:38 AM | Comments (0)
April 26, 2008
Hot Air
I'm starting to think that conservatives like Stantis have their brains wired differently than the rest of us. It's as if things like "logic" and "hypocrisy" don't factor into their way of thinking.
Today Stantis is continuing on with his whole idea that it's the global warming deniers who are the ones being persecuted, complete with Carmen being burned at the stake.
So let's try and follow Stantis' line of thinking. In the olden days, people who said the earth was round and the sun was the center of the universe were attacked as a part of the Inquisition, even though they were right. Therefore, since Carmen is right that man has nothing to do with global warming, she's being persecuted.
Slight problem. The folks who were going around burning people who said things like the earth is round? Religious leaders mostly. People who hated that little something known as "science." They're the ones who burned people at the stake. They're the ones who didn't want people speaking out against the church and defying the church elders by pointing out little things like that we're not the center of the universe.
But that's not how Stantis thinks. Nope, in his mind he's the only one who knows the truth (global warming is natural - i.e., it's caused by God's will) so he's the one being persecuted this time around. It's this bizarre transposition taking place in his brain where he doesn't seem to understand that in reality he's still got the mindset of those folks carrying the torches - except this time, he's in the minority because there's proof that global warming is being influenced by humans, and no amount of preaching on Sunday is going to change that.
It must be hard for guys like Stantis. In an age of science, so many of his beliefs sound silly. Does he really think the Earth is only 6,000 years old? Does he still believe it all started with a guy and a girl in a garden eating an apple from a snake? Does he think one of his relatives used to hunt down dinosaurs before hopping on an ark when a big flood hit?
What makes it even sillier is that those of us who agree that humans are influencing the environment in a negative way aren't persecuting people like Stantis and Carmen - we pity them. And, we laugh at them when they're not around. I mean come on - they're like children who still believe in the Easter Bunny (that icon of the Religious Right because of the huge role he played in the Bible). You can't really have a serious conversation with them about things like how the world started and how we got here and if our presence is having an effect - because they're coming from a place of magic and make-believe where things like facts and science don't play a role. Instead it's best just to let them believe what they want and ignore them. There's no point in trying to argue the facts, because they don't believe in them.
So go right ahead Stantis and keep believing that you and only you know "the truth" and we're all crazy for thinking that 30 degree swings in the weather aren't natural (yesterday in Chicago: 77. Today: 43 - and this has happened over a half dozen times this year alone). And the next time you're sick, just pray to your god that he makes you better. Don't you dare rely on that science stuff to make you better - I want Jesus to cure that broken leg or nasal infection with his touch (not that I'm wishing anything bad upon Stantis, I'm just sayin'). We here in the reality-based world will be more than happy to believe in science, and realize that little things like pollution and oil spills aren't good for the environment. And if we keep waiting for the bearded man in the clouds to make things better, we might as well hope his best friend the Easter Bunny brings us winning lottery tickets in that basket of his.
Posted by The Furnace at 11:27 AM | Comments (1)
December 09, 2007
I Couldn't Have Summed Up Bush Republicans Any Better Myself
Uh oh. Stantis is getting all philosophical on us again. Never a good sign.
Today he's either referencing a Brazilian proverb, or he's misquoting George Herbert (who actually said "He THAT knows nothing, doubts nothing"). Yeah, it's a nitpick. Then again I guess it proves the proverb, showing that Stantis really doesn't know anything so he doesn't doubt that he's right about the quote.
Ultimately this is just an attempt at a lame twist on the old Bugs Bunny gag of walking off a cliff and hanging in mid-air because he doesn't have to follow the law of gravity since he never studied law. It's not terrible or anything, which is better than anything else Stantis has done this week. It's just not all that funny either.
However it is funny if you laugh at how terrible Stantis' drawing is in this strip. That bizarre moon makes yet another appearance - even though it's the middle of the day. Carmen's bike doesn't have spokes - until the last panel, where only half the wheel has them. For some reason there's a pharmacist's mixing bowl at the bottom of the ramp. And so on.
I guess Stantis decided it would be too much work to come up with more than what are basically single panel strips this weekend. Yesterday it was a store, today it's the desert. The pattern with Stantis seems to be that if he's going to spend a lot of time drawing he only uses one panel like this weekend, but if he has a lot to say we're lucky if he takes the time to draw both Carmen and Winslow standing against a blank background like we had during the week. Gee, I'm so happy that he gets paid to devote so much of his time to making the best strip possible.
So what's on tap for this week? What Republican scandal will Stantis avoid? He's got lots to choose from, but I'm thinking we'll get a week of the War on Christmas. It is December after all. Offer up your own guesses in the comments section if you're so inclined. Or not - I can't expect our readers to make any effort to write something if Stantis never does.
***
Now that I think about it (yeah, I know - probably should have done that before writing this entry - sorry), this is an extremely timely strip for this week and feels like Stantis could have drawn it just a few days ago. That's when President Bush claimed he hadn't seen the NIE that said Iran stopped their quest for a nuclear weapons program back in 2003. Bush said he hadn't heard the details about the NIE until LAST WEEK, so that's why he spent the last few months talking about how Iran is the next great threat and is looking to start World War 3. Although that's in doubt since word is Bush actually knew about the NIE in August, and the slight change in wording he used in his speeches from that point on would indicate that knowledge. So there's your proof that this quote is fitting for our own President: he claimed to know nothing about Iran's nuclear ambitions, so he didn't doubt that we Americans would believe him when he said they were going to start World War 3. Yup - Bush Republicans know nothing, so they doubt nothing this administration says.
November 18, 2007
Truth Is What Stantis Makes Of It
You have GOT to be kidding me.
Today's Prickly City hinges on a recent survey that says gossip is more powerful than truth.
Problem. I don't think any such survey exists.
Sure, back on October 16th there was a STUDY conducted that came to that conclusion, but reading through the STUDY I think it's pretty clear why this wasn't huge news. First, it's kind of a "duh" finding - people in general seem to want to think the worst of others, and we tend to put more weight on the first thing we hear compared to the truth that follows (see: "Iraq; reasons for invasion" for an example). Not exactly earth shattering news there.
But how important is this study? Let me put it this way: how seriously would you take a news story that starts "Researchers found that a bunch of students playing a video game..." No wonder this wasn't a big headline grabber.
But that's what Stantis bases today's strip on. Not just the strip, but some lame philosophical argument that truth is somehow subjective (which seems to be a major conservative belief as of late, especially Giuliani - the guy hasn't found a lie about his record he couldn't tell, but I'm sure in his mind it's the truth). Stantis' whole premise is built on what a bunch of college students playing a video game did to each other in a virtual world. In London.
Is this another case of Stantis' editors changing his words? Did they think "survey" would be seen as more legitimate than a "study?" It sure would be pretty damning if there was a survey of Americans that asked, "Which is more powerful - gossip or truth?" and a majority chose gossip. Or did Stantis see a headline, not even bother to read the story and realize how goofy it might sound, and then think "gee, I could make a strip out of this and get people think I'm smarter that I really am?"
What I love is how Stantis has Winslow (not Carmen, of course) say that "truth is now OFFICIALLY subjective." Based on a bunch of kids. Playing a video game. In London.
He gets paid to do this.
Visually Stantis at least takes some time to be creative, but is it just me or is the writing really small? Not exactly pleasing to the eyes. And are those supposed to be dinosaurs in that one panel? Huh?
I guess none of it really matters, since in the end the message is clear: Stantis sucks. That's not the truth and it's not a fact - it's just my opinion. But I think it's one most people would agree with, and I don't need a survey to figure that out.
Posted by The Furnace at 10:45 AM | Comments (0)June 10, 2007
Noxious Gases
"Mr. Stantis, my diagnosis is that you're an unfunny hack."
WHAT DOES THIS EVEN MEAN?!?!?
I've just about had it with Scott Stantis and Prickly City. It's as if he's trying to produce the absolute worst comic strip in the land. Someone needs to tell him to stop trying - the title is all his.
Does Stantis even know what carbon offsets are? Basically it's when you can't (or won't) cut back on your own carbon consumption so you pay to balance it out somehow - plant a tree, donate money to a green cause, etc.
Winslow's bright idea is to steal Lucy's psychiatry stand and charge people for...carbon indulgence? So they're going to pay Winslow, the smelly stupid stinky hippy green liberal, to actually use up more carbons? And he'll happily do it, because he's a greedy ne'er do well who could care less about saving the environment?
All together now: HUH?
Let's put aside the idiocy of having the liberal in the strip want to destroy the environment. Why would anyone pay Winslow - who doesn't own a car, or a house, or anything as far as I can tell - to burn fossil fuels? Why not just do it themselves? Or does Stantis have a secret desire to burn even more oil than he already does? It's yet ANOTHER case of Stantis coming up with what he thinks is a clever idea, scratching it out on a napkin at lunch, then slapping it together by the Friday deadline without actually reasoning out what the heck it's supposed to mean.
So to recap: Winslow is a greedy corporate bastard only out for profit, so much so that he'll happily produce excessive greenhouse gases if people will pay him. Carmen is the concerned citizen who points out that he's wrong. Maybe Stantis should have shown her planting Charlie Brown's Christmas tree while she criticizes Winslow.
At least Stantis didn't include Al Gore. Unfortunately it might be a sign of things to come. What are the odds he spends the week drawing a fat Gore talking about the environment while lecturing us (rightfully so) about how the media has failed us and the Republicans have ruined our country? His book did come out a few weeks ago. Place your bets now.
August 12, 2005
Weeping and Gnashing of Teeth
Today Carmen continues her study of the science of coyotes as written by Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. If her science book has taught her nothing else -- and it hasn't -- it's that coyotes should stick to coyote sports such as hot oil wrestling, foxy boxing and such and such. Oh, and the Good Book also notes that coyotes have a thirst for the blood of small pets.
On cue, Winslow acts horrified about eating poodles, as if ignoring his own instincts. It is, after all, very fashionable these days to ignore science. And if Scott Stantis has taught us one thing in the year-plus existence of Prickly City it's that liberals are goofy and they glom onto any fad. So in typical Liberal fashion, Winslow runs off and joins the anti-science crowd, those ultra-hip intelligent designistas. And the sensible Conservative Carmen finds solace in science.
Oh, wait. That doesn't seem right. Look what he's done! It's another brilliant moment by Stantis. He's made us all question our core beliefs by turning our expectations all topsy-turvy-like. GENIUS!
AUTHOR! AUTHOR! AUTHOR!
Come take a bow.
PS: I sneer at you.
Posted by CJo at 10:48 AM | Comments (4)August 10, 2005
From Monkey to Man
Well, well, well. Scott seemingly doesn't like the results of our world from the last time the monkeys were in charge. I guess I can't really blame him. We've evolved from knuckle-dragging, blood-thirsty, hairy apes into blood-thirsty, hairy apes that don't drag their knuckles as much.
But I suppose Scott's disappointment is the very fact we DID evolve. Maybe if cats roamed this earth prior to Man, evolution wouldn't have happened. The only way Man (and Woman) could have come about would have been through alien visitation...er...uh, I mean: intelligent design.
TEACH THE CONTROVERSY! Pass it on.
Posted by CJo at 10:38 AM | Comments (1)August 09, 2005
Alaska Ho
Poor Scott.
Much like a neo-con who would never let the facts get in the way of a starting a war, Stantis won't let the facts get in the way of telling a bad joke.
It happens right off the bat: Carmen tells us that coyotes don't live in Hawaii or Alaska. Hawaii I understand - but Alaska? Come on Scooter - it takes two seconds to Google that one up - (pay close attention to the paragraph in the "Distribution" section).
If Stantis doesn't care enough to actually research this stuff, then why should we care to read it? Oh, that's right - because it's fun to watch him fail each and every day.
And on top of that, his punchline deals with New Jersey. Hey Scooter - I've got some jokes about airline peanuts and people talking in movie theaters that I'll sell you cheap.
Posted by The Furnace at 06:54 AM | Comments (3)August 08, 2005
I. Ron Butterfly
Stantis takes the two-pronged approach to being a dick today.
Prong One: He makes up shit about Global Warming. "Climate models show that global warming is a natural rhythm of the planet." I mean, sure, that may be the case, but that's certainly not the entire story. When President Bush says that "further study" is needed, I pray to my favorite philosopher Christ that he means real, live scientists and not the crazy crackpot pseudo-scientists who are foisting this Intelligent Design poofest on America. I wonder if those "climate models" Stantis references are part of an exhibit in the great new museum in Arkansas which depict dinosaurs frolicking with Adam and Eve in-a-gadda-da-vida, baby. (The dinosaurs were on Noah's Ark too!)
Prong Two: Stantis wants the residents of "most of the blue states" to be frozen to death under a "mile-high glacier." Now that's just not very nose-tweaking-like, Scott. That sounds pretty hateful. For instance, if I were to wish an epidemic of the Hillbilly Flu on the Red States, I'd probably get thrown in jail. Or at the very least someone would trot out the familiar Conservative refrain, "For belonging to the party of tolerance [presumably the Democratic Party], he sure is intolerant."
(For the record, I do NOT hope that all the hillbillies in the Red States get the Hillbilly Flu. Just the ones in Alabama.)
Posted by CJo at 12:13 PM | Comments (7)
picture courtesy of JB