July 22, 2008
Maybe "TTFN" Stands For "Think That's Funny? No."
Question: Why would Katie Couric have to give a concession speech?
Answer: She wouldn't.
Conclusion: Scott Stantis is the worst comic strip writer in the industry today.
I mean I "get" what Stantis was going for, but couldn't he have found a better way to say it? What if Winslow said, "Hey - this isn't my concession speech - this is the script from Katie Couric's last show on CBS!" That might suck, but at least it MAKES SENSE. Bah. CJo, save us!
July 20, 2008
We Are Doomed
P.C. feels like a repeat. Something about Winslow eating Carmen. Make of that whatever you wish.
Instead, did you hear that the prime minister of Iraq has endorsed Barack Obama's plan for withdrawal? This comes on the heels of the White House announcing a plan for a time "horizon" (not a timeline, of course, but a horizon - as E.J. Dionne pointed out, isn't the horizon something you can see but you can never actually reach?). Oh and there are plans to send more troops to Afghanistan, something Obama has been pushing for all along. And then of course there's Bush basically calling Obama an appeaser for saying we should talk with Iran - and this week Bush sent one of our diplomats to talk with - you guessed it - Iran.
Can you imagine if this had been the other way around? What if Maliki had endorsed McCain's 100 year plan? The media would be all over it, talking about how Obama doesn't have the experience and this just proves that McCain should be our next dictator - er, I mean "president." Instead, I'm guessing the Maliki story will be buried, and they'll continue to find ways to gush over McCain while trying to destroy Obama.
Check out this glorious quote from John Kass of the Chicago Tribune:
Asking whether TV network news shops had liberal bias was a bit like wondering what would happen if you left the hungry little boy alone in the room with the large box of Turkish Delights.
The outcome was never in doubt.
So it was reported last week that since June, the network news spent a thin 48 minutes covering crusty Republican Sen. John McCain, and 114 glorious minutes covering the cool guy they love, the liberal Democrat, Illinois' own Sen. Barack Obama.
This guy might actually be more delusional than Stantis. Where is it written that everything said or written about Obama is POSITIVE? Hey Kass, did you take into account how much of that Obama coverage was because Jesse Jackson said he wanted to cut his nuts off? In the meantime, John McCain's top economic adviser said that Americans are just a bunch of whiners and that the economy is great, McCain repeatedly referred to Czechoslovakia as a current country, and made crude jokes about killing innocent Persians because that's just "McCain being McCain."
Does John Kass honestly believe that Barack Obama got 114 minutes of positive coverage this month? Really? Somebody get this guy a comic strip, because he could give Stantis a run for his money.
But that's how the conservative mindset of "heads I win, tails you lose" works. "Look at how much coverage Obama gets compared to McCain!" is the storyline, but don't you dare explore exactly how much of that coverage was negative (my guess: most of it). Yet John McCain's had a month so bad it would have ruined other presidential contenders, yet he's doing better than ever thanks to the mostly positive media coverage he gets.
Unfortunately it's just going to get worse. The media critics will still ramble on about a "liberal media" that only exists in their little minds, John McCain will be portrayed as our next president, and silly Barack Obama will be branded a lefty liberal loon who can't be trusted for various (mostly racist) reasons. It's a shame that people in the media don't take Carmen's advice about rising above that type - instead they're all just like Stantis, and won't let the truth get in the way of a good smearing (or attempted joke).
July 19, 2008
Rush Defense
It's Copy And Paste Saturday at Prickly City, where Winslow suddenly has a radio show. But being a radio show host like Rush Limbaugh is hard work, just like being a comic strip artist. I mean look how much effort Stantis puts into his work - four panels, all the same - man, I feel bad for Stantis. This must have taken minutes for him to churn out.
Don't get me wrong - GOOD comic strip artists do have a hard job if they want to be entertaining. But not good ol' Stantis. He has one of the easiest jobs in he comics, as he just churns out Republican talking points and slaps together strips like today's where he only draws one fourth of the strip and then pastes it over and over and over.
Rush is good at his job too. I may not like the guy, but he does know how to keep his "dittoheads" entertained. Stantis is more like the John Gibson of the comics - nobody knows how he got his job, or how he keeps it since he's so awful, yet there he is getting paid to be conservative. Must be nice to enjoy the corporate media's own version of welfare.
July 17, 2008
Winslow Has Gas Problems
No real complaints with today's P.C. For Stantis, this is as good as it gets.
However I am left to wonder why he's making Carmen look so bad. Isn't she the campaign manager and running mate? And is there anyone else even working on the campaign? Guess that didn't cross Stantis' mind.
Where in the world is CJo?
July 13, 2008
You Know What I Hate? Prickly City.
Back during my favorite period of SNL, Billy Crystal and Christopher Guest played two characters named Willie and Frankie. They were night watchmen at various places, and when they crossed paths during their rounds they would talk about the painful things they had done to themselves, then complain about it. The skits are known as "You Know What I Hate?" Here's a sample:
Frankie: You know what I hate?
Willie: What?
Frankie: I go into the kitchen, I open the drawer, you know?
Willie: Uh huh?
Frankie: And I take out a, uh--
Willie: Carrot scraper?
Frankie: Right. And I stick it up my nose, you know, and I'm rootin' it around, and, you know, gettin' all the mucus membranes out o' there, you know? And then I take one o' them, uh--?
Willie: Mentholated eucalyptus cough drops?
Frankie: Right. And I stick it-- wedge it up there, you know? I take a couple o' whiffs, boy. Heh, ya feel like your head's gonna explode.
Scott Stantis would have fit in perfectly with Willie and Frankie. Like today's strip - he's once again bitching and moaning about how the campaign lasts months and months. A guy who MAKES HIS LIVING talking about politics is now going to complain that the media spends its time talking about the quest to be president. I can just picture it now...
Scottie: You know what I hate?
Frankie: What's that?
Scottie: I get paid to do this comic strip, you know? So I have to introduce a new character. One of those uh -
Willie: Armadillos?
Scottie: Right. And so I have him become the campaign finance manager for the coyote I got running for president. But I don't know what to do with him, so I have him uh -
Frankie: Buy several gallons of gasoline and matches and have him threaten to set himself on fire?
Scottie: You got it. Hoo boy, that was painful (for my readers). But you know what I really hate?
Willie: What?
Scottie: This presidential campaign of ours. I mean, I had to have that coyote start running for president last April!
Frankie: You had to have him do that?
Scottie: Well, I mean, I guess I didn't HAVE to have him to do that, but I write a political comic strip.
Willie: If you don't like writing about politics, then why do you have a political comic strip?
Scottie: I like writing about politics, just not all the time. I mean, in England their campaign only lasts a month.
Frankie: So you're saying you'd rather we go back to being like the British.
Scottie: Exactly.
Willie: You know what I hate?
Frankie: What's that?
Willie: I hate Republicans who whine and complain that elections in our country last a long time, when they're the ones who spent the last 8 years not just ruining our country, but politicizing every part of our government so we don't have a choice but to campaign all year long.
Frankie: Yeah, I hate that too.
Hey Scottie - nobody's saying you have to write about politics. I'm sure there are a few night watchmen jobs opening up that you'd be perfect for - just quit and enjoy whining about politics on your own time and quit wasting ours.
July 12, 2008
Meet Vaughn
Yesterday: Winslow and Carmen interviewed an armadillo for the position of finance director on their campaign. All he could say was that they're doomed.
Today: We learn that...
- Winslow and Carmen hired the armadillo. I guess they likes them some "straight talk" (which is different from John McCain's Straight Talk, which is to tell everybody that everything is going great even when it's not).
- The armadillo is named Vaughn. Not sure if that's a reference to Vince Vaughn or what.
- Vaughn the Armadillo is going to set fire to himself. Winslow thinks he's going to burn the campaign's financial information - nope, Vaughn just wants to commit suicide. Good morning, kids! Hope you enjoy the hilarity of self-immolation while you're eating your froot loops!
I looked for the funny in today's strip, but I haven't been able to find it. Is it funny that the armadillo is so depressed by the job he interviewed for (despite saying they were doomed over and over) that he wants to kill himself? With gas costing over $4 a gallon why waste it when he's got all that paper around him? Sorry, I'm spending more time thinking about this than Stantis did.
Maybe Vaughn should spend some time with John McCain's leading economic adviser Phil Gramm. He'll tell you that things aren't bad - the recession is "mental" and we're a nation of whiners. Straight Talk!
Then again, considering Gramm's ties to Enron and the mortgage crisis, maybe Winslow and Carmen already interviewed him for the job this past Wednesday.
July 08, 2008
Worst Campaign Manager Ever
This morning I was greeted by this email in my inbox from CJo:
"That does it. I'm out. Today's Prickly City is so bad, so incredibly stupid, that I can't deal with it anymore. I'm leaving the country - maybe visit Europe, where they don't have to put up with this shit in their newspapers. Yours truly, CJo."
All I can say is: CJo, please, take me with you!
This edition of P.C. really is THAT bad. How in the world does this exchange make it into the comics section:
Winslow: Then we'll have to create the position.
Carmen: How can you create something that never existed?
I am actually dumber for having read that more than once, and I probably lost a few IQ points re-writing it here. "How can you create something that never existed?" WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN??? Shrubville never existed before Prickly City - it was created as a reaction to the worst comic strip ever. But in Carmen/Stantis' mind, that's an impossibility. Shrubville could never have been created because it never existed. WTF? No, change that: WHAT THE FUCK???
By the way, as Winslow's campaign manager shouldn't she have hired a finance director months ago? Oh, wait, it didn't exist so she couldn't. The stupid, it burns!
Oh and it gets better: the punchline is a rip on Tony Danza! You know, the guy that was in over a hundred episodes of "Taxi" and in almost two hundred episodes of "Who's The Boss?" - that Tony Danza. Of course that was twenty years ago, so to Stantis that's a hip reference that will have his readers rolling on the kitchen floor.
But the writing isn't the worst of it. Check out Carmen in panel 3. Um, isn't that how Stantis usually draws the moon? Better yet is panel 4, where Carmen is suddenly drawn to look like a cross between Barry Bonds and Popeye. Poor little moonhead girl.
Maybe instead of Tony Danza Stantis should have gone with Karl Rove. His position didn't exist until Rove entered the White House, and look at how much damage he's done to the country. At least Tony Danza makes us laugh. Unlike Rove, or Scott Stantis.
July 01, 2008
Distortion
Stantis finally gets around to making fun of the whole "terrorist fist jab" silliness that happened the day after Obama became the Democratic nominee. Not surprisingly when Winslow says he wants to take an ax to the media man he fails to make the more obvious joke, which is "Well it's good to see Fox News' E.D. Hill has a new job, covering my sorry campaign."
Actually this strip ends up being more timely than Stantis could have imagined. Over the weekend on "Face the Nation" host Bob Schieffer asked Gen. Wes Clark if he thought that being a pilot and getting shot down qualified John McCain to be president, and Clark said no. But that's not how the media is portraying it. No, according to them Clark attacked McCain and said all sorts of nasty things, which makes Clark a traitor who hates the military. A four star general who hates the military. Luckily there are some real veterans who are responding to this nonsense, but the mainstream media won't have any of that. They're much more content with taking Clark's words out of context and ignoring that he was just saying Schieffer's words back to him. Too bad Clark didn't just say, "No, I don't" and leave it at that - kinda hard to make a soundbyte that paints him as a traitor with that.
I'm all for Stantis going after the media. Unfortunately, most times he's just as bad as they are. And less funny too.
Posted by The Furnace at 11:12 AM | Comments (1)June 29, 2008
Why Can't Stantis Take a Vow of Silence?
What a mess.
There's an interesting idea buried somewhere in Scott Stantis' terrible writing in today's Prickly City. Winslow takes a vow of silence, and the media turns it around on him. But man oh man, does Stantis suck as a writer - and today is just further proof. Let's take it panel by panel:
Panel 1: Winslow says he's taking a vow of silence. The "Shh" on his podium is a nice touch.
Panel 2: A reporter (I guess) asks Winslow what he has against people who can't speak. Um, what? How does that make any sense? Winslow is saying that he's not going to speak - so in what language does that mean he doesn't like people who don't speak? What if Winslow said that in a show of solidarity with the Hispanic community, he was only going to speak in Spanish from now on? Would a reporter yell out "what do you have against Spanish-speaking people?" Of course not, because THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.
Panel 3: It just gets worse. Somehow, religion is brought into the picture. And that Winslow eats meat. I kind of get what Stantis is going for - that the media takes thing out of context and twists them around (and he knows that first-hand, since Stantis does it regularly). But the leaps he's taking in this strip just aren't logical.
The rest is just a big car crash. Eventually Winslow is on the front page in one of the most poorly worded punchline/headlines I've seen in the comics. And it's made worse because it puts what Winslow said in quotes. Ugh.
Once again Stantis serves up a first draft that needed a few more rewrites. He came up with an idea then slapped together the first thing that came to mind and we're stuck with the half-assed attempt at lame political comedy. Just another Sunday in Prickly City.
June 28, 2008
You Say Potato, I Say F*** You, Stantis
So yesterday Scott Stantis joked about John McCain's cancer (which might have been a result of his years as a P.O.W.), and today he thinks it's funny to make light of the war in Iraq. Maybe tomorrow he'll crack wise about the flooding in the Mid-west ("wet enough for ya?").
Sorry, but I have a hard time laughing at jokes that play off of the occupation in Iraq. Maybe it's easy for Stantis since the media has kept mum on what's really going on over there, so the forgotten wars (hey, remember Afghanistan?) are now fodder for his punchlines. At a time when oil prices are soaring, $4 a gallon for gas is considered a deal, and the big oil companies were just handed the reigns to Iraq's oil supply, do we really need a guy who writes a crappy comic strip joking about how it's just like having our soldiers protect the spuds in Idaho?
By the way, who are the two characters in that last panel? Or did Carmen and Winslow both lose half their body weight while running (yet again) through the desert?
Posted by The Furnace at 10:08 AM | Comments (2)June 22, 2008
Calvin Shrugged
First, I apologize for not posting yesterday (thanks to Sacki for noticing). If I had posted, this would have probably been the extent of it:
"You see, cuz Ellen's gay! Ha ha!"
As for TODAY'S STRIP...
Do you think Bill Watterson gets a check every time someone like Stantis blatantly rips off "Calvin and Hobbes?"
Go outside and enjoy the weekend. It's too nice out to read unoriginal crap like Prickly City.
June 17, 2008
Board Now
Winslow insults Carmen. Carmen threatens to hit him with a board. And so goes the next day in the "nobody cares about Winslow as Obama's V.P." storyline.
I liked it better when Stantis was just spewing stupid right wing talking points and lying about what Democrats said two weeks earlier. Now it feels like it's on Stantis' list of things to do before he leaves work for the day, so he slaps together the most boring, unfunny, snooze-worthy strips and phones it in so he can cash his check. I might have gotten frustrated or ticked off at what Stantis used to write, but dammit man - at least I felt SOMETHING.
I get the sense I'm not the only one who feels that way - right CJo? It's to the point where we're all either forgetting we should post something or dread having to do so because there's just nothing really to talk about. Ho hum, Winslow wants to be Obama's veep. So what? Where's the humor there? Where's the conflict? Yeah today he slams Carmen, but that just ends with her threatening to beat Winslow up yet again, which is how she deals with every problem - violence. Now wouldn't THAT be more interesting? That Winslow has to fire her as his VP because she's got a history of making threats and losing her cool, and then she shows up at McCain's side because that's something those two loose cannons have in common?
Oh, wait, that would take more than two minutes worth of constructive thinking for Stantis to make it happen. Nevermind. Tomorrow, Winslow will instead try to fly, he'll fail, and Carmen will say something that Stantis thinks is witty. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Maybe in two weeks we'll get some "Al Gore is fat" jokes since he endorsed Obama last night. Because those are always oh-so-hysterical. At least Stantis hasn't made any "jokes" about Ted Kennedy's medical condition. Yet.
June 15, 2008
Baby Daddy
On the plus side: Stantis looked ahead and actually timed a strip for Father's Day. Which is more than he did for Mother's Day.
On the negative side: the most obvious is the part in Carmen's hair in that last panel. The poor girl looks like she has a reverse mohawk. While I like the sentiment, how dorky is that last image of Winslow? Did we really need a zoom-in of his thumb's up? And of course we're now left to wonder: Carmen has a dad in her life? Or is she imagining what she'd do if her dad was still around? Kind of depressing to think that she's fantasizing about what she'd get her dad for Father's Day if he was still in her life and hadn't abandoned her.
And on that note, Happy Father's Day!
June 10, 2008
Stantis May Suck
Sunday: Winslow attempts to fly - crashes.
Monday: Stantis attempts humor by referencing the Soup Nazi - crashes.
Tuesday: Winslow attempts to fly - crashes.
Go read Glenn Greenwald instead.
Posted by The Furnace at 10:46 AM | Comments (1)June 08, 2008
Sunday Bloody Sunday
Well this is just one big mess.
Winston tried to fly again. At least I think that's what happened. Stantis is so terrible as an artist I'm not really sure what's going on. Like is that a propeller on top of Winslow's helmet? I think that one thing is an umbrella, but what's that blue thing by his feet? Are those red things jutting out of the ground supposed to be wings, or was Winslow wearing skis?
It's too bad that Stantis just tossed out a single panel non-political strip today. This very easily could have been timely if Carmen's line had been, "I christen you the Hillary Express!"
Help us end Shrubville: Obama '08.
May 31, 2008
The Horrors Of Technology
Stantis' horrible drawing ability rears its ugly head again today - literally. The emaciated Winslow, withered away by constantly playing his Wii Fit, isn't just terribly drawn - for me it's actually hard to look at. It's not funny, it's scary. Isn't the point of a comic strip to make people laugh? I recoiled in horror when I saw how Stantis decided to draw a super-skinny Winslow, so I feel bad for little kids who read this and wonder why the scary cat is almost a skull and bones and why Prickly City isn't funny.
So just to recap: Scott Stantis still hates technology, and thinks it's a bad thing that a video game system now offers kids the chance to be physically active while playing a game. Even though he regularly criticizes the kids of our country for being fat and lazy. Nintendo needs to design a game system for Stantis - one he can play with both sides of his mouth.
May 25, 2008
Might As Well Jump
Apparently a few weeks back Stantis was spending a lot of time around kids, since yesterday was about a swingset and today is Carmen jumping rope.
Nothing to comment on here. If you've got 'em, go spend time with your own kids. Enjoy the long weekend. And thanks to our men and women who have served this country.
May 18, 2008
Poll Cat
So after putting his foot down on Friday about how pathetic it is that the media is ignoring the story that the president authorized torture, Stantis spent Saturday whining about how we don't talk enough and now he's spending Sunday bitching about polls. Ah yes, gotta love hypocrisy.
Hey Stantis, do you REALLY want to make a point about how terrible President Bush is and how outrageous it is that he's okay with torture? Spend a week on it speaking the truth. Make headlines with your comic strip. Get people talking. Use your comic strip the way others do - as a way to entertain, but also as a way to send a message and get people thinking.
But you won't. You'll twist your arm patting yourself on the back for spending one measly day on an important issue, then spend the rest of the time (like this weekend) complaining about stuff that we're all bored with. Yeah, polls aren't perfect. Nobody says they are. And the media spends way too much time acting as if they are perfect, which is why polls have such a bad reputation. Did we really need you to go over that again without offering any kind of real insight? Especially since the problem isn't with the polls, it's with the talking heads who act as if they're the be all/end all when they're just a rough estimate.
Let me ask you something, Stantis: ten years from now, when your kids ask you about your work on Prickly City, what are you going to tell them? Here is an opportunity for you to really make a difference. Be that one voice in the media that makes a huge deal about our president okaying torture. Heck, there are HUNDREDS of controversies surrounding this president and your Republican party that you can talk about and make people aware of - since the regular media won't do it. I'm not saying you have to disavow your own party - I understand that you endorse pretty much everything they stand for, no matter how insane. But even you revealed on Friday that there are some things you're against. Why not take a stand?
Instead, two weeks from now we'll get jokes about Ted Kennedy having a seizure. Because that's how Stantis rolls. And we don't need any poll to tell us what we already know: Prickly City sucks.
May 17, 2008
More Insightful, Hard-Hitting "Political" Commentary From Scott Stantis
Friday: Scott Stantis has Carmen ranting and raving about how shameful it is that the President admitted we torture people. Stantis then attacks the media and the American public for not talking about the issue.
Saturday: Instead of talking about the torture issue and attacking the President for authorizing it, Scott Stantis bitches and moans that people don't talk enough. Because, of course, the real issue isn't that the President authorized torture, but that people don't talk about it enough.
When it comes to political commentary, Scott Stantis' grade?
May 11, 2008
How Scott Stantis Celebrates Mother's Day
Ugh. Stantis trots out the whole "let's agree to disagree" strip that he goes with when he doesn't want to deal with real issues or Winslow trying to fly.
The interesting part for me is that first panel. Winslow says "it's all good" while Carmen says "it's no good," but then the two seem to flip perspectives as it becomes more clear that they seem to be arguing about Iraq (Carmen even says to "stay the course" - didn't Stantis get the memo that Republicans aren't supposed to say that anymore?). Why is the liberal Winslow saying everything's good? Stantis does get in his weasel-y "fight vs. flight" argument, as if those of us who don't want us to be in Iraq anymore are running away - very Rush of you, Scott.
But ultimately at the end, Carmen and Winslow throw their arms around each other and happily walk of into the sunset together. If only that were true in real life, that Republicans and Democrats could come together after bickering all day long. Instead, we get the Republicans in Congress voting AGAINST Mother's Day. I think we can all agree that makes Republicans look like dicks.
Happy Mother's Day from the folks at Shrubville, where we love our mothers!
May 10, 2008
Hard-Hitting Political Commentary, Courtesy of Scott Stantis
Why do I get the feeling I've seen this strip before? I dunno, maybe it's just really unoriginal. But someone doing a cannonball into an empty pool or whatever and then saying that there aren't any warning signs on the road less traveled feels like it's been done plenty of times in the past.
But I guess it's better than yet another hypocritical post saying how dumb it is that our media focuses on stupid little things when all Scott Stantis ever does is make a big deal out of stupid little things.
May 04, 2008
Why So Humorous?
Sorry, I'm confused. Did someone replace Scott Stantis without telling us? I'm not used to having two decent Prickly City strips in a row - heck, I'm not used to there being any decent strips. Stantis might do okay once every six months, but a weekend where he actually does a *gulp* good job?
Maybe the world is flat, man has nothing to do with global warming, and conservative policies will make us all rich. My God - was Reagan actually a good president? Will George W. Bush prove to be right fifty years from now? Is John McCain truly a straight talkin' maverick????
Oh my...McCain admits we invaded Iraq for oil...the sun really does circle around the earth! Ben Stein is right!
Or, maybe I'm just a fan of Batman and prefer seeing Winslow strike hero poses than Stantis spewing his conservative nonsense. Yeah, that's it. Just loves me some superhero scenes. Whew. For a second there I thought Sacki might be right too. Luckily, it was just a momentary lapse.
Just like McCain when he accidentally speaks the truth.
Posted by The Furnace at 10:52 AM | Comments (0)April 29, 2008
C.R.A.P.
Um, what?
Sorry, but I don't really get today's Prickly City. Winslow demands a poll, then apparently lays a bunch of eggs. What does it all mean?
I think it means that Stantis is desperate to avoid dealing with any real issues, so he goes after something like polling. That, and he has no idea how to draw Winslow excited.
Wasn't polling a big issue, oh, I dunno, back in JANUARY? Eh, who cares - we all know Stantis doesn't. Here's my challenge to Mr. Prickly City: how about a week's worth of strips explaining why you don't like John McCain, yet you're still going to vote for him? I'd love to hear how almost every Republican in the country is going to justify a huge flip flop like that, since - according to polls - McCain was at all of 1% last summer.
April 27, 2008
R.I.P. Winslow
Today in Prickly City: Winslow commits suicide.
Good morning to you too, Stantis.
I know Stantis hates technology (I'd say that's why he hasn't updated his podcast since last July, but I think that's more because he's incredibly lazy), but having Winslow throw himself off a cliff when he can't access the internet? I'm glad I don't have kids, so I don't have to explain to them why the little cat KILLED HIMSELF in the comic strip this morning.
I'm about ready to retire the future goggles. Stantis is all over the map lately, pulling global warming out of the mothballs for no real reason other than the weather has been crazy the past few months (thanks God) and wasting most of last week on it. I'm guessing he'll finally do something with Hillary and Obama since Pennsylvania was all over the news a few weeks ago, but I'm not holding my breath. Stantis seems afraid to tackle anything of substance lately. I would think that the Dems fighting with each other would provide plenty of fodder for him, or his supposed hatred of McCain would bubble to the surface (but like Rick "Man on Dog" Santorum I get the feeling he'll come to love ol' Grampa Simpson McCain), but nope - let's throw Winslow off a cliff. That's entertainment, at least to Scott Stantis.
April 22, 2008
Prick Hugger
Why do I get the feeling that the syndicate told Stantis a few weeks back that today was Earth Day and they were going for a theme from the comics page? I have a hard time believing that Stantis checked his calendar for this of all holidays (is it technically a holiday, or just a day with a name? I never did really understand the point of it).
Anywho, some faceless stranger shows up to hug a cactus. I'm not really sure the point of it - I wish I could say there was a deeper meaning about how it's hard to go green but we need to for the sake of the planet, blah blah blah - but for me personally, I'm too upset with the fact that Exxon made $40 BILLION in profits last year while I just had to spend $3.67 a gallon for gas last night. Kinda hard to want to celebrate saving the planet when money makes the world go round.
For our friends in Pennsylvania, make sure to go out and vote. Remember, a vote for Obama means CJo and I can finally stop reading Prickly City.
Posted by The Furnace at 09:20 AM | Comments (5)April 20, 2008
Floater
The local newspaper doesn't carry Prickly City so I read it online. Today the syndicate was nice enough to display the strip as Stantis intended - even though there's no newspaper in the country that would rearrange their entire layout because Stantis wanted to try something different. I feel bad for the people who were forced to turn their papers sideways to read a strip that DOESN'T MAKE ANY DAMN SENSE.
I understand what Stantis was trying to do. Hope - and balloons - float (well, as long as the balloon is filled with helium). Coyotes don't - so they crash to the ground if they don't have enough balloons to hold them up. That's all fine and good - nothing all that terrible, but also nothing all that funny about it. Whatever - par for the course in PC.
Unfortunately what's also par for the course with Stantis is that his last panel makes absolutely no sense.
If Winslow's balloon isn't big enough to help him float, then:
1) Where's Winslow's body? Didn't he crash to the ground?
2) Why is the balloon on the ground instead of Winslow? It's obviously filled with helium, since it's floating an inch off the ground in the last panel. Why didn't it float away?
3) Why did the balloon deflate from panel 3 to panel 4?
4) Again, where the heck is Winslow???
I would have to think that a "professional" comic strip artist like Scott Stantis would know how to write a punchline for this joke. The last panel should have been something along the lines of Winslow smooshed on the ground, covered in bandages with little stars circling his head, while the balloon floats off in the distance. Is that so hard?
Apparently for Stantis, yes. He can't be bothered with little things like writing comic strips that are both funny and logical. Nope - he wants us to believe that WINSLOW DID FLOAT AWAY IN THAT LAST PANEL SINCE HE'S NOWHERE TO BE SEEN. Is that what you were going for, Stantis? I mean you draw Winslow's eyes to be all bugged out in the third panel as if he's about to crash to the ground, but Carmen is there to tell us that coyotes don't float - yet HE'S NOT ON THE GROUND. So, using simple logic, according to Scott Stantis coyotes do float. Is that what you were going for today Scotty?
Just when you think he can't get any worse, Scott Stantis proves you wrong. Very wrong.
Posted by The Furnace at 10:18 AM | Comments (2)April 19, 2008
At, Not With
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!
I'm not laughing with Scott Stantis. Nope, definitely laughing at him.
The reason: can you imagine someone who didn't read yesterday's strip trying to make sense of this? For starters, Mr. Laziness devotes the first three panels to a bunch of scribbles that are supposed to be a big rock or a cliff or something (and a cactus tossed in as an afterthought).
Then we get to the masterpiece: the fourth panel. Since I've been reading PC for several years now I know what Stantis was attempting to portray: Carmen is attempting to videotape Winslow trying to fly. But Stantis, who's a terrible artist to begin with, decided that he was going to try and cram all of that into a single panel. So that leaves us with Carmen holding something square - maybe it's a box of donuts, or maybe she's carrying some groceries. We only get half of Winslow's head along with what I think is supposed to be a banner - it's hard to tell because it could also be a tube of toothpaste squirting out half of Winslow's head.
I feel bad for the people who didn't read PC yesterday so they have no idea what's happening. Why is Carmen carrying a box? Why is Winslow smooshed into the desert? Was he up on the rock and jumped off? What is Carmen trying to run? So many questions, so little to laugh about.
Instead, we here at Shrubville can finally have a good chuckle. We can laugh at how poorly Stantis draws. Crack up at how, like your average fifth grader, he thought he'd cheat and eat up the first three panels with scribbles so the teacher would think he did a lot of work. We can even guffaw at the idea that Stantis thinks a video camera these days looks like a shoe box with a ball at the end.
But Stantis does get the last laugh - he gets paid for this crap, and no matter how little work he does or how unfunny he is, he'll always get paid because he's a conservative comic strip artist and papers are afraid to drop him for fear of being painted as biased by Republican blowhards. Congrats, Scotty - he who laughs last, does last best. Too bad you're the only one laughing because you think Prickly City is actually funny.
Posted by The Furnace at 09:55 AM | Comments (0)April 08, 2008
Tomorrow: We Just See The Podium and Winslow's Words
So rather than directly go after Hillary for the Bosnia story Stantis is going to have it play out as if Winslow's the one who did it. Why? Why not just go after Hillary?
The term "ham-fisted" comes to mind as I read today's Prickly City. Yesterday Winslow told his own "Bosnia" story, but he never mentions Bosnia. So we really have no way of knowing where this sniper fire was supposedly taking place at and where Winslow's plane was landing or why he was even on the plane.
But apparently the press has audio and video of this plane landing, which debunks Winslow's story. And he blames them for bringing it up - even though he brought it up yesterday.
Maybe "ham-fisted" isn't the right term. "Stupid" and "poorly written" might work better.
This might have worked if Stantis had just gone after Hillary directly. Instead he has to try and make Winslow her proxy, and it doesn't make sense. Hillary never blamed the press for "bringing it up." She got busted, came up with a lame excuse about "mis-remembering," and that should have been fodder for an easy series of comics for Stantis to have fun with. Instead, he shoe-horns Winslow into the story and it's a miserable failure.
At least Stantis' laziness is on full display. He makes sure to get Winslow behind the podium again and keeps his movements to a minimum, so tracing today's strip must have been pretty easy. Other than slight changes to his eyes and eyebrows, and then a point at the end, Winslow was traced too. He didn't even have to draw the members of the press. I wonder if Stantis will use Winslow's third excuse of "I was tired" as to why he can't be bothered with actually writing and drawing a professional comic strip.
Maybe we here at Shrubville should start a countdown: how much longer before we get tired of putting more effort into this blog than Stantis does into a comic strip he gets paid to create? After today I'm thinking maybe two weeks.
April 06, 2008
Redefining Lazy the Stantis Way
So instead of Winslow attempting to fly it looks like Stantis is going to have him periodically yell questions at the sky. That's right - godless liberal heathen Winslow is asking God "why?". I didn't think it was possible, but Stantis has found a way to be even lazier than he was before. Now he doesn't even have to draw Winslow wearing crazy flying get-ups - it's just Winslow standing in the desert, which is what he does every day. I wouldn't put it past Stantis that after today's fall thanks to Carmen's big mouth Winslow will be in traction for the next few months so Stantis just has to draw the coyote laying in bed. Then Carmen will break his jaw, so he won't even have to draw his mouth moving when he talks. Come on, Stantis - try to be even lazier! I know you can do it!
Looking back, it's hard to believe that when the big three candidates are all making headlines (Hillary's sniper story, Obama's pastor, McCain lying about al Qaeda and Iran, etc.) Stantis spent a week on whether or not Carmen and Winslow could be running mates. Yeah, he tried to work in slams on the internet, but this is the best he can do? It would be on thing if his slams on the net included how idiots who read those stupid emails think Obama is a Muslim, but nope - just more lazy, half-azzed comments that were tossed out as an afterthought.
With Tucker Carlson and John Gibson both losing their jobs, how long before editors across the country realize that it's okay to fire lame conservatives like Stantis?
April 05, 2008
The Worst Thing
It finally happened.
Yesterday's Prickly City was so awful, so poorly drawn, so incredibly unfunny on numerous levels, that CJo couldn't take it.
"Look at Carmen in that second panel!" I could hear CJo yell in his office. "She doesn't even look human!" It got worse from there. "What's wrong with her arms in the third panel? What does 'metaphorical Dick Cheney' even mean???"
And then it happened. CJo snapped.
I found him curled up in the corner in the fetal position, mumbling to himself. "Stantis finally did it," he said. "I thought I could handle it. Day in, day out, the worst in the comic world by far. I've seen the land shark series and mocked it with ease. I stood firm when he joked about Terri Schiavo's death. I even survived two weeks of Winslow being eaten by President Clinton. But this - this - Carmen's googly eyes - Winslow's body in that last panel - Carmen's violent streak - doesn't make any sense..." he trailed off.
Once Sacki saw what the strip had done to CJo he refused to even read it (not that he reads the strips anyway - he learned long ago that life is too short). Last I heard Sacki was on I-90 headed for Florida to clear his mind with some college girls on spring break. Godspeed Sacki, godspeed.
I offered to step in, but as I helped CJo up and into the ambulance I knew that the time had come. It was time for Shrubville to go dark, if only for one day. There's only so much crap the human brain can read before it rebels, and for the Prickly City readers with brains yesterday was the tipping point. Black Friday in Prickly City.
But that was yesterday. This is today.
And in fine fashion, Scott Stantis returns to attacking a politician's physical features for cheap "laughs." Apparently Hillary has a unibrow and John McCain has jowls so big they need to be wrangled. I'm sure third graders everywhere are laughing at how funny the idea of Hillary Clinton looks with one big eyebrow is, and then asking their parents what "jowls" are and why John McCain's look funny. Um, maybe because of the melanoma cancer surgery McCain suffered through, Stantis. Ah yes, can't get enough of your awesome cancer and physical disfigurement jokes. Hardy har har. Maybe you can figure out a way to work in that McCain was a P.O.W., and his constant exposure to the sun during his imprisonment may have contributed to the skin cancer. I'm sure that's good for a few laughs. Dick.
So, Shrubville is back. And Stantis is back to writing and drawing the worst comic strip in the world. Not that anyone noticed in either case. But hey, somebody's gotta do it.
March 30, 2008
Margaret Wants Her Schtick Back
Hello, Stantis.
It's me...your reader.
You're so unfunny.
It makes me feel...sad.
(pause for some unknown reason)
You're a dick.
Posted by The Furnace at 11:47 AM | Comments (0)March 23, 2008
Did You Know They've Got Satellites Just For Broadcasting Radio?? In My Day, We Only Had AM and We Were Happy To Have It!
Old Man Stantis is bitchin' about technology again. See, TVs started out all small and hard to watch, then they got bigger, then they got HUGE, and now they're all tiny again!
Um, wait - no they're not.
Yeah, we have the option of watching TV on our phones and iPods - because we can carry them around in our pocket and hold them as close to our little eyes as we please, which wasn't an option when TVs first hit the scene.
But the most popular televisions out there now are still gigantic. The little problem with Stantis' attempt at "the evolution of TV" is that it didn't really happen like he says. If we want we can watch the biggest TV Best Buy has to offer, and we can watch the smallest screen I can get on my phone. And Stantis is complaining about this?
Oh, by the way, Happy Easter! Once again, Stantis fails to check the calendar on one of the most important days in the Christian world. Way to go, Old Man - you've still got it!
March 22, 2008
Imperfecto
Some things are better left unsaid. I didn't want to know why Winslow has been trying to fly all these years. I was fine with Stantis' lame stabs at humor surrounding the attempts.
It's the kind of lazy writing Stantis has perfected. After a week of Buckley-worship and then a sudden shift in gears to make a "joke" about Ralph Nader, Stantis needed something to fill in a Saturday and this is what he came up with.
Now he's screwed himself over. At some point Winslow should have been allowed to fly, if only for a little bit. THAT is when we should have learned his real motivation. But instead of trying to be creative and thinking this out into a full week's worth of strips, we have Carmen and Winslow standing in the desert talking.
Stantis has a comic strip where he can do anything his mind can imagine and his hands can draw (although admittedly his skills are pretty limited in both cases). Why does he insist on having the same two characters stand around in the same boring location every single freakin' day? Why not show us what Winslow would do if he could fly instead of telling us?
It might be the lazy Saturday before Easter Sunday, but every day is a lazy day for Scott Stantis.
March 18, 2008
No Paradise
At some point editors across the country need to ask themselves a question: who exactly is the target audience for Prickly City?
Today's strip continues Stantis' tribute to conservative icon William F. Buckley (but Carmen was so close to him she gets to call him Bill), someone only adults know about. It ends with Winslow making a joke only really stupid children would think is funny. The kind of joke Billy Buckley would probably point to to show how ignorant America has become. "Pair-a-dime?" Really? Did Stantis intend everyone who reads this to start their day with a groan?
I could understand it if this was the kind of strip a parent reads to their child in the morning. Junior can't read those big words that Buckley would say, so he needs an assist from the old man. After dad spends a few hours trying to explain who this Bill Buckley person is and why anybody cares that he died, he then reads the rest of a joke that only makes sense if you read it outloud. And then the kid is sent back a grade in school because he's made dumber by having heard this stupid joke. The dominant paradigm is twenty cents? Wouldn't that be paradigms? Sorry - I was trying to think like a normal person with a functioning brain for a second there.
What I do think is amusing is the idea of Buckley in the afterlife, reading Stantis' "tribute" from beyond the grave. Having one of the worst conservative writers talk about how influential Buckley was to him is probably the best backhanded compliment one could give a neo-con dick like Billy Boy.
Posted by The Furnace at 11:13 AM | Comments (0)March 16, 2008
Water Games
It's a wet dog hair joke day. Here - enjoy some Baby Plucky instead.
March 11, 2008
Gen Suck (reserved for the people born the same minute Stantis was)
Sigh.
Maybe it's because winter has been so topsy turvy this year (I'm sorry, but 30 degree swings every other week is not normal), but I get the sense that we here at Shrubville are more than a little burned out when it comes to Prickly City. At least I am, and I apologize to any of you who are reading this and wondering why the heck things have been so lame with me lately.
I guess I'm just tired of pointing out the same things over and over again when it comes to how terrible Stantis is as a writer. Today's strip is just awful. He has Winslow come up with this bizarre word to sum up his target audience, but when he explains what the word means to Carmen it's all out of order.
Stantis, you're not telling people this joke - you're writing it out. How can you not realize that there's a difference between telling someone a joke and writing it down??? I'm completely baffled by this, especially since it's not the first time Stantis has "told" a joke instead of writing it down so it makes sense to a reader, not a listener.
Yes, "Genywhynextnetboomletbabybusterboomermillennials" is a mouthful. But at least it would make sense, at least to me.
March 09, 2008
And Every Day Prickly City Sucks
Why is there a square drawn in the middle of today's Prickly City?
I didn't really notice it at first - I thought it was a three panel waste of a Sunday strip like usual, with Stantis boring us with his lame philosophy jokes and unfunny word plays. And oh look - there's a rock that looks like a cup, and some UFOs and even what I think is a bi-plane. No blimp, but hey - can't have everything.
But then I noticed that red box. It's as if somebody - not sure if it was Stantis or his "editor" - decided that his artwork was so overpowering that maybe they should break up his masterpiece into three sections so people aren't overwhelmed by its "beauty." Why else would it be there? Maybe it was just a mistake - somebody was so impressed by Stantis' witty "writing" that they wanted to put it on a magnet, so when he opened it in paintbox he accidentally saved it with the box around it. I dunno. It's just annoying and pointless, just like Prickly City in general.
Posted by The Furnace at 12:49 PM | Comments (4)March 04, 2008
Is Admiral Stockdale Still Alive?
Even though he declared a few weeks back that he was running as an independent candidate for president, Winslow is back to pondering whether or not he should run as an independent. Yeah, Stantis sucks.
What makes it even worse is the reason why Winslow is supposedly going to stay in the race: to act as a spoiler. Who exactly would the liberal Democrat Winslow be hurting? I doubt he's going to draw a lot of votes from St. John McCain. So Winslow, a guy who's gotten all of two votes (one his own), is going to play spoiler - and ruin it for the Democrats? Yeah, that makes a whole lot of sense.
At least it means Stantis going back to what I thought he'd talk about when Winslow first declared his independent bid, and that's who his running mate will be. Will Stantis make it someone we already know or - gasp - create a new character? I'd say that there's no point in making somebody up since that person couldn't help his campaign, but we're talking about Prickly City here where logic doesn't apply.
So who will it be? Does Winslow beg Conde Rice in hopes that all that time on the campaign trail will lead to some nookie? Maybe he'll court Ross Perot since he was the last actual spoiler - and there are plenty of jokes from the 90s Stantis can rehash for that. This will probably mean some more fat jokes at Bill Richardson's expense, and maybe a few "John Edwards is a fag" references since Stantis is about as funny as Ann Coulter.
The really depressing part? I don't think anybody cares at this point. This might have been a decent storyline if Stantis had pursued it when he originally mentioned Winslow running as an independent- back on February 10th. But he was too busy obsessing over Bill Clinton's penis to give it much thought. With everybody else wondering what's going to happen in the big primaries today in Texas and Ohio I doubt there's much interest in Winslow following up on something he first mentioned almost a month ago yet hasn't talked about it since then. Unless this is going to lead to a few days of Ralph Nader bashing, it's pretty much a waste of time.
So it's perfect for Prickly City.
March 02, 2008
Evilution
It's Sunday, so that means Winslow's trying to fly. It's not a bad strip, and at least it's original. I guess Stantis caught some Discovery Channel shows a few weeks ago and they made an impression. I'm amused at how childishly it's drawn (especially the second dinosaur and the canine before Winslow whose right hind leg is pointing straight up for some reason), but for Stantis this is as good as it gets.
I'd don the future goggles but I have no idea where Stantis is going to go with things this week. He whined about McCain and admitted waterboarding is torture, which is about as liberal as he's ever going to get. Which probably means he'll be going hard and heavy against Hillary and Obama, although he really hasn't come up with anything original to say about either in quite some time. Did Stantis realize two weeks ago that Ohio and Texas would be so huge in this campaign? Is he really ready to accept McCain as the guy he has to vote for in November? Hard to say.
Eh who am I kidding - he'll probably be making jokes about Valentine's Day.
February 24, 2008
Stantis Probably Wrote It On MLK's Birthday
Holy crap on a cracker - is today's Prickly City awful.
Where to start? At first I didn't even know how to read this strip and had to skip to the end to figure out what Stantis was trying to do. Starting off with Winslow trying to fly - that's typical for Sundays. But he's actually flying? Then Britney's head pops up? Your eyes are then drawn down to read the caption about how celebrities should be on money - so at first I had no idea what Winslow was doing in the upper right hand corner and why Winslow was ordering people to eat dessert first.
It gets worse from there. A disco joke? Winslow, a coyote who looks like a cat half the time, saying that cats should be in Gitmo? Man, Stantis hit rock bottom and kept digging. This is just horrible on so many levels it's hard to imagine anyone allowing this to be printed in its current form. Yet here it is, wasting space on the comics page.
My mind is a jumble right now. I honestly have no idea how to respond to any of this. Why would a coyote care about cats? His hatred of cats has NEVER been established as far as I know. Is it because he's a coyote, which is part of the canine family? Then why not use that "joke" before? And seriously, is Stantis going to have Liberal Winslow make jokes about Gitmo? Oh no - he's not going to close it down, instead he's going to use it to jail his enemies? What?
On top of that we're supposed to believe that a guy who hasn't gotten a single vote this year and is now an independent is going to have a gaggle of reporters hanging on his every word?
Again I ask: is there one editor out there who can justify why this is still carried in newspapers? Please, I'm begging somebody - anybody - tell me why Scott Stantis should be paid for this. Explain to me why someone who thinks that disco and Britney jokes are still "hip" has a job. For the love of god, someone tell me how a guy who can't even draw a believable cat makes a living doing this!!!
February 17, 2008
Wreck
Well, at least it's not another strip obsessed with Bill Clinton's penis.
Today we learn that Scott Stantis doesn't know how to draw a motorcycle. At least I think that's what he's trying to draw - it's hard to tell. It could be a trike. Doesn't really matter - it's hard to look at, and doesn't make much sense.
I mean why is there a chunk taken out of the cactus? Did Winslow drive into it? Why did he drive off a cliff in the first place? What's that yellow stuff on top of the cactus - is that supposed to be Winslow's hair? Why is the front wheel still up in the air? Why am I bothering even asking these questions?
I hate to say it, but there's a part of me that wishes Winslow was still trying to fly instead of this garbage. But then Stantis couldn't use his witty kickstart line. I'm sure people were laughing big hearty laughs this morning over their oatmeal when they read that one.
I guess this means that Winslow is going to continue on his campaign as an independent. There's actually a lot of fertile ground for comedy there - what does he call his party? Who's his running mate? What's his platform? Unfortunately we're talking about Scott Stantis here, so none of it will be funny. We can only hope it doesn't look as terrible as today's strip. At least he's not trying to draw Bill Clinton's vomit anymore.
February 16, 2008
Odds Are Stantis Still Says "WAZZUP" Too
TODAY'S ATTEMPT AT BEING "HIP"
You know how when you go to some big party and there are lots of people you've never met before there's always this one guy who thinks he's funny because he makes references to stuff from ten years ago, even though most of them aren't even right or funny?
Scott Stantis is that guy.
If not for the first panel this strip could have been written in the late 90s. After Carmen gives the first names of some of the presidential candidates that have dropped out (poor Tom Tancredo gets no love), Winslow hits us with a lame, dated, unfunny quip about the Wayans Brothers.
You remember them, right? Keenan Ivory, the oldest one, his younger brother Damon, etc.? They were huge in the 90s.
Reminder: it's 2008.
But wait there's more. When Carmen educates Winslow (because he doesn't even know who he's been running against in the campaign), he drops this "totally rad" line about how now the Wayans Brothers can continue work on their movie...wait for it..."Booty Call 4: The Clinton Diaries."
Yup, Stantis is STILL making jokes about Bill Clinton's penis. He really needs to see a professional about this obsession of his.
But then there's this whole Booty Call thing. I know it's a cheap laugh - "booty call" is one of those goofy things people used to say to be funny. You know, a decade ago. And since there was once a movie with that title, Stantis went back to the last time he went to the movies apparently for this hip, too-cool-for-the-room reference (it came out in 1997, btw).
Couple problems. There was only one Booty Call movie, which should have told Stantis that it wasn't popular enough for people to still remember. That's why most comedians go with a riff on "Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo" when they reference movie sequels.
The other bigger problem: the Wayans Brothers didn't have anything to do with "Booty Call." It was Jamie Foxx and Tommy Davidson. While they were a part of the "In Living Color" cast with the Wayans family, they are not, in fact, Wayans Brothers.
Is this another case of the Racist Scott Stantis letting his true colors show and that to him "they all look alike?" Or was he just so damn lazy he slapped together this stupid strip and didn't bother to figure out if it made any sense?
Probably both. We all know Stantis is a proud racist. And we also know he's incredibly lazy. Add in his slobbering over Bill Clinton's penis and in an odd, depressing way this is a perfect ending to one of the worst Prickly City storylines ever.
February 10, 2008
You Sir Are No John Anderson
Yesterday's Prickly City ended in a cliffhanger, with an ominous "Continued" at the end of the strip where Winslow was stuck inside Bill Clinton. Since today's strip has him out and about, apparently on Monday we'll return to that riveting storyline where Stantis continues to insult the former president as a child.
So how did Stantis spend his Sunday? Well Carmen reviews Winslow's performance thus far (0% across the board - Tancredo and Hunter must be envious) which leads Winslow to the only obvious course of action: an independent bid. And comic readers across the country sighed.
How this is supposed to be funny is anybody's guess. I doubt this is a dig at Bloomberg and the other village "moderates" who are itching for a third party candidate (and they're pretty much the only ones clamoring for one). Instead it's just a way for Stantis to keep talking about the campaign by having Winslow involved somehow, which is just dumb.
A better idea would have featured Carmen realizing that since Romney is out and the Republican base HATES John McCain that she has a real shot at being the alternative candidate. She could run on the "At least I'm not John McCain" platform, which would probably score her some delegates. Instead the focus is on Winslow again, since Stantis can't dare have his little darling princess the butt of any jokes.
The strange part about this strip is the last image of Winslow and Carmen. Winslow is grinning from ear to ear, happy about becoming an independent. But what's Carmen's reaction? She seems to be smiling too, but since the clipboard is in front of her face there's no way of knowing if she's grinning or grinding her teeth in anger that he's going to continue on his campaign even though he doesn't have money or a staff. I'm guessing the latter, but why put a clipboard in front of her face? Was Stantis afraid he couldn't draw the expression so he covered it up? Some free advice to Stantis: just look at the faces of all the people who read this crap and you'll have a great idea how to draw a grimace.
Posted by The Furnace at 12:36 PM | Comments (0)February 05, 2008
What Is That Thing Standing Next To Winslow In The Third Panel?
Credit where it's due: Stantis gets in a nice dig at Guiliani with the "Dakota strategy" reference.
But he doesn't get any credit for the rest of the strip. Part of the blame goes on having to write this a few weeks ago. While it might have looked like Super Tuesday would decide everything back then, it's pretty clear that while the Republicans could finally decide on John McCain (like the media wants) there's little chance we'll know if Hillary or Obama will be leading the Democrats in November.
My real gripe with today's strip is that once again not having a third character ruins the strip. Carmen again acts like an outsider, as if she has nothing to do with this election. So when Winslow gets in the nice joke about the Dakota strategy, why in the world would his campaign MANAGER Carmen think that was a good idea and go along with it? Why is she happy that it all comes down to Super Tuesday, knowing that her candidate is getting trounced (even though just a few days ago Hillary felt it necessary to attack Winslow)? It's just sloppy writing, which goes right along with that third panel, which is some of Stantis' sloppiest drawing yet. Poor Carmen looks like she was drawn but a third grader there.
Here's to hoping Obama wins, if only to end the deep hurting that comes with having to read Prickly City every day.
February 03, 2008
Bowling Shoe Ugly? How About "Prickly City Ugly"
I'm not sure what's going to be uglier: the Super Bowl, or today's Prickly City.
Who am I kidding - nothing's going to be harder to look at than what Scott Stantis drew today.
Enjoy the game.
(My pick: Patriots by a ton, proving that cheaters do win. Oh and keep an eye on Wes Welker - if he's not catching the ball, he's holding.)
January 29, 2008
Hand Job
Before I hurt my brain and try to make heads or tails of what Stantis is doing this week, check out Winslow's paw/hand in panel 3. Not only is that the worst hand ever drawn (or maybe it's a rooster head, or a mini-turkey?), but it's got five fingers: meaning it IS a hand. Yet the entire strip this week is talking about how Winslow is a canine and a coyote, which means he has paws - which have four toes, not five.
Worst. Comic Strip. Ever.
As for the storyline, Stantis has lost me. Last summer Winslow was the frontrunner, winning the Prickly City primary. He skipped Iowa and got blown out. He spent one day in New Hampshire - to concede since he once again got blown out. He hasn't done anything since then other than take a vacation. But now suddenly Hillary is attacking him as if he's the frontrunner again?
I understand that this is a take off on the "Billary" racial comments. (Aside: at first I thought the media was blowing it out of proportion, but then Bubba had to get pissed at that reporter asking why it was taking two of them to beat Obama and he pulled the "well Jesse Jackson won in South Carolina twice" card and that was crossing the line in my book). But if Stantis is going to tackle these kinds of things, why did he spend so much time making Winslow look like a complete loser who has zero chance of winning?
This is part of Stantis' problem. He thinks so little of liberals and is so blinded by his man-crush on George W. Bush and the Republicans that he can't help but make Winslow look foolish every chance he can. But in doing so he makes him so lame as a character that nobody can buy stuff like this week's storyline. Maybe if Winslow really was competitive - because the entire Democratic field is so weak could be the Republican reasoning - then it would make sense to have Hillary attack him. But she does it because of some stupid punchline about Winslow biting her? Come on.
It's just more lame and lazy writing from Stantis. But I think it gives some keen insight into how messed up conservative thinking is. Liberals are so weak and ineffectual they can't win anything - yet how is it they beat the conservatives in 2006 and are on track to blow them out in 2008? Ah see, a real conservative comic strip writer with some balls would realize that the real comedy is making fun of how weak the Republican field is and actually offering something constructive and funny instead of trying to have it both ways when attacking the Democrats.
But not our Stantis. Just slap a podium up there and only draw half of Winslow's head (no need to show his screaming mouth then), throw up the worst hand ever, and end it with a play on words about dogs biting and call it a day. No wonder the country is in such bad shape - idiots like this have been running things for far too long.
Posted by The Furnace at 09:43 AM | Comments (4)January 22, 2008
Carmen Just Now Figures This Out?
Oh great - another example of why Prickly City needs a third character. Wouldn't Carmen, who's desperate for Winslow to do well in the polls, be happy with his show of emotion so he can connect with the audience? Heck, all of the talking heads are saying that's the only reason Hillary won New Hampshire. Instead, she points out that he shouldn't show his human side because he's not human.
Hmm, don't you have to be human to be president? God, this strip sucks.
What else to say about this trainwreck? At least if Dio or some other character (how about the guy at the campaign office?) was saying Carmen's lines today it would make sense. But for Carmen to do it at a time when she's been begging for him to do anything to win this race goes to show how pathetic this strip is.
I mean look at that second panel. Carmen acts like she's seeing Winslow for the very first time, and as some innocent bystander who hasn't been around for the entire campaign she's pointing out the obvious about Winslow being a cat - er, I mean a coyote. Why not have it be some other kid, or some random voter, or even Shelly the Turtle? Don't throw the ONE PERSON IN THE ENTIRE CITY whose been along for this ride from the beginning to make this point. Otherwise, she looks even more stupid for supporting this candidacy in the first place.
Sorry, I'm just rambling at this point. Stantis is going to milk this supposed crying jag from Hillary all week long, and it's just going to get worse. Oh - wait - didn't Britney get carted off in an ambulance a few weeks ago? Gee, something else to look forward to this week in the worst comic strip in the world.
January 20, 2008
The Other Dinosaurs: Our "Liberal" Media
The dinosaur is back. Or maybe this is Stantis' attempt at imagining what the monster from Cloverfield looks like (this isn't it - but the monster that rips the head off the Statue of Liberty is pretty cool). I'm not really sure why Carmen would be surprised to get a dinosaur for a late Christmas present - wasn't she there when they were born last summer? Oh well, I guess this is what passes for continuity in the world of Prickly City.
Instead of talking about how lame PC has been lately, let's talk about how lame our "liberal" media has been while talking about the presidential campaign. Thanks to our wonderful DC insider talking heads, this is what I know about the campaign:
- The presidential campaign is just like a sporting event. Example: CNN's weekend coverage is called "Ballot Bowl 2008." No, that's not a joke.
- John McCain is a god. Maybe not THE God, but a god. He is teh awesome. Even though only a few months ago his campaign was dead, he was broke, and he was dropping out. Guess having a Mormon, an adulterer, and an Evangelical as your most viable candidates changes things. Even if McCain is also an admitted adulterer.
- There are only two viable Democratic candidates, but all of the Republicans have a shot (except Ron Paul).
- Who is this "John Edwards" that keeps showing up in the graphics? According to the media, he shouldn't exist. Nobody wants to vote for a guy who is against lobbyists and corporations. Doesn't he realize that they run the country?
- Everything is a good thing for the Guiliani campaign. Even when he comes in behind Fred Thompson. In every race.
- Mitt Romney winning in Michigan and Nevada isn't as important as John McCain eeking out a win in South Carolina. Never mind that Romney is actually leading all Republicans in the delegate count. Nobody can stop St. McCain.
- Somehow Hillary won Nevada, but Obama won more delegates. But the media doesn't have time to explain to me why that's the case. Something about culinary workers and rural areas. Run along, little voter - nothing for you to try and understand here.
- Women only vote for Hillary because she's a woman, and Chris Matthews was mean to her.
- Black people only vote for Obama because he's black.
- Hispanic people voted for Hillary in Nevada because...well, they haven't figured that out yet.
- Evangelicals vote for Huckabee because he's one of them (but the media refused to cover his saying that the Constitution needs to be rewritten according to God's word - had to find that myself on the internets).
- Guiliani's going to win this. Just you watch. Especially when he wins in Florida, which will magically erase the results from the previous five states.
- Why won't John Edwards drop out already??? He's not Hillary or Obama!
- Mitt Romney is an inconvenient candidate. He should bow down to St. McCain, like all the rest.
- Strongest Republican candidate outside of St. McCain: Ronald Reagan.
- Bill Clinton is kind of a dick sometimes, but that's okay because when Hillary is president he'll be calling half the shots.
- None of the Republicans really campaigned in Nevada, so there's no point in talking about how Romney won easily or Ron Paul came in second. I mean come on - the only states that matter are the ones where candidates spent millions of dollars in attack ads.
- If something doesn't go like the media predicts, its not their fault - blame the pollsters! Polls can never be trusted, unless they're right.
- Nobody wants to talk about Fred Thompson, even though somehow he keeps ending up third or fourth. Guiliani even gets more play than the guy, and he's barely beating out "uncommitted."
- Everybody wants change. Even the Republicans, even though they all pretty much endorse everything that the current administration is doing.
- And my personal favorite: none of the Republicans know who the current president is, since they all refuse to say his name.
Ultimately what I've learned is if 2006 was the year the blogosphere influenced the election so Democrats could take back the Congress, 2008 will be the year the mainstream media tries to prove its relevance by picking our next President. They want Hillary versus McCain, because McCain is the only Republican that beats her in the early polls, and they love them some Republican president. And so far, they're having their way. Nice to know that journalists stopped thinking their job was to report the facts and instead they exist to tell us what to think.
January 19, 2008
They're Called "Talkies" For A Reason
How long has Scott Stantis been a professional comic strip artist? Does he realize we readers have no way of seeing into his head and understanding what the heck he's talking about? Because I'd really love to know which version of the word "content" he's using about today. From dictionary.com:
content(1) - noun
a. something that is contained: the contents of a box.
b. the subjects or topics covered in a book or document.
c. the chapters or other formal divisions of a book or document: a table of contents.
content(2) - adj.
1. satisfied with what one is or has; not wanting more or anything else.
So which is it? Is Winslow happy in paradise, or is he writing a blog to let people know what they can expect when they visit the island he's on? Maybe that's why you should have one of your editors actually edit your piece of crap comic strip before they blindly print it, Stantis. Oh wait, I'm sorry, you're a conservative comic strip writer with zero insights into how politics actually work, so you're given a free pass on everything you write - even if it's unrelated to the political world.
On top of that, he's using a written form of medium to try and tell a verbal joke, having Winslow ask a dolphin how to spell "elusive." Stantis, that DOESN'T WORK WHEN IT'S WRITTEN DOWN. God, how does this guy get paid to do this?
Sorry if I'm coming across as a bit more angry than usual today, but come on - how is this possible? How can a guy who gets printed across the country keep his job when he can't even write jokes that make sense, and you actually have to HEAR him tell the joke for it to work? Yeah, if Stantis said this to someone or it was animated with voices it would make sense. As it is here, it's confusing and stupid.
Oh, wait, I'm sorry - I guess if Bill Kristol, who's wrong about everything, can write for the New York Times then I guess we should just accept that his neo-con brother Stantis should be allowed to have his wittle comic strip. Liberal press forever!
January 15, 2008
Shouldn't It Read "The Voters And The Readers Don't Seem To Care?"
Man, and I thought Stantis was lazy before. Rather than actually deal with the primary season, he's just going to send Winslow off on "vacation" so he can waste a week talking about how Winslow isn't campaigning anymore because he doesn't care if he loses.
None of this makes any sense. It really doesn't. When Prickly City moved its primary up, Winslow became the frontrunner and received millions in contributions, which he quickly wasted. He won, but nobody voted. He never went to Iowa, but apparently Carmen - who for no real reason is working hard to get Winslow elected - did have people campaigning there (even though Winslow had spent all their money on things not related to the campaign, which I think is illegal). She also wanted him to get out the vote in New Hampshire, and there he actually did work the phones.
Now this week Winslow is following the polls and knows he has zero chance of winning (like after Iowa and NH he was still in the running?). So he's on vacation. Stantis made sure not to draw a background for that panel, so I'm not sure if that's because Stantis is setting up a future "joke" where Winslow is really just on the roof of the campaign headquarters, or if he's so lazy he couldn't be bothered with drawing the beach or a pool.
So Carmen, who is SCREAMING at Winslow to get back to work, is now apparently adamant about somehow winning this election. Why? We still don't know. She's obviously seen the polls - she knows he doesn't have a chance. So why work so hard? It's one of the few times Winslow is the smarter of the two. Enjoy it while you can.
This is just a really lame way to kill a week. Have Winslow "disappear" so Stantis doesn't actually have to deal with the real issues. What's the point? I guess much like Carmen's reason for wanting to run Winslow's campaign, we'll never know.
January 08, 2008
Mystery Man
It appears as though our friend Chris over at Tumbleweedtown was on to something yesterday when he suggested that Carmen was talking to a third person at Winslow's campaign headquarters. In the 4th panel of today's strip there's suddenly, magically, a new character in Prickly City. Even though he's not named, has no lines, and only seems to be there to fill up space. Just like we would expect from Scott Stantis.
The rest of the strip is about Winslow working the phone lines for the New Hampshire primary. As I mentioned yesterday in the comments section it's a bit odd to see that Winslow, who went from having millions in contributions before the Prickly City primary to having nothing because he spent it all on those "hysterical" dancing llamas, now amazingly has enough money for a campaign headquarters and a phone bank (and maybe even an employee). Consistency, thy name isn't...well, you guys know.
It's not a terrible strip - someone mistaking Winslow for an animal other than a coyote is always fertile ground for comedy, especially since that fake question was posed to Stantis during his WaPo chat a while back (from my favorite town in the world, "Ahack, UR"). But then Carmen has to go and ruin it all by having the last word and making some stupid "joke" about Winslow being a real mammal of the people. Cue the crickets.
I like how Stantis' insistence on telling his readers every single freakin' day what the storyline is about in detail clashes with his desire to make a joke. In that first panel, how silly is it for Winslow to call someone and refer to them as "New Hampshire Voter?" Would anybody vote for a candidate who calls them at home and doesn't even refer to them as Mr. or Ms.? I'm not really complaining - I mean I know why Stantis did it like that, and it can be chalked up to how stupid Winslow is, but it's one of those things that can only happen in Prickly City because Stantis is such a terrible writer and couldn't be bothered with coming up with a clever way to show and tell us what Winslow's doing.
At least now we have something to look forward to: who's the mystery man? He reminds me of Jason from that cartoon "Home Movies" (he's the one with his finger in his nose up above) crossed with Dan Rather (maybe it's just the suspenders and the tie). Is he a journalist covering the campaign? A volunteer? Carmen's new boyfriend? We'll probably never know, but hopefully Stantis will FINALLY add some new blood to a strip that's desperately in need of a transfusion.
January 06, 2008
Why Opus Doesn't Have A Blue Head
Um...wow. Just...wow.
You know...um...wow.
I wanted to...um...yeesh.
Okay, let me try and collect my thoughts. Something I've been trying to do the last fifteen minutes since reading this so-called "comic strip."
First off, I have never in my life heard of this method of eyelash wish that Stantis is talking about. Back of the hand? Yes. Even the one with the friend between your fingers. But guessing which finger? That's a new one. Maybe it's an Alabama thing, or a college dropout thing. But I guess we should thank Stantis for spending an entire panel explaining to us something as simple as "Winslow gets a wish."
I should probably stop there. Going into the rest of the strip might drive me mad. There are so many things to criticize. I don't know where to start.
I mean, did Stantis put a note to the colorist that Winslow's head needs to be blue? I think I know why it happened: Winslow's head was supposed to be black, like the rest of his body. But Stantis doesn't know how to draw that. I remember reading a book a few years back about "Batman: The Animated Series," and the great pains they had to take to make sure the animators understood the look they were going for since Bats wears a lot of black (all about drawing with white, a color that's hard to use in animation from what I gather - and Stantis seems to prove that point). Since Winslow only has two black dots for eyes half the time, like in the 1st, 2nd, and 6th panels, Stantis can't do that if Winslow is supposed to be penguin black. But I'm guessing that Stantis submitted a black and white drawing of the strip and expected the colorist to figure it out, and that's why we get Winslow with a black body and a blue head. There's been discussion on Shrubville before about the odd colors chosen at times for the strip, and if I remember correctly Stantis defended himself in a podcast saying that he doesn't have any control over the colors since he doesn't do it himself (or maybe Charles made the point - honestly I don't recall exactly and I'm not going to look it up). But there is simply no excuse - if Stantis did it or somebody else - for this trainwreck of a comic strip to appear in a newspaper people pay to read.
I'm so disgusted with Prickly City that I don't even want to get into the writing. In the third panel, why have Winslow say, "HEY!!!!! IT..."? Wouldn't the "poof" alone tell us that his wish was coming true? I don't get it - all it does is throw off the timing and pace of the joke. Then there's the odd choice of having it be six panels. Why? This could have just as easily been four panels, and it would have spared us not one but two drawings of Winslow as a were-penguin. Simply atrocious.
Once again, I dare anyone - especially newspaper editors - to defend this crap. Please, explain to me why Scott Stantis should be paid for this. I really want to know what kind of justification someone in a position of power at a newspaper can provide for letting this garbage on the comics page. I'll admit that Stantis is decent when it comes to editorial comics - that's why we at Shrubville don't comment on them. But please, keep him out of the comics section. Prickly City Must Die.
January 05, 2008
He Skimped On The Corn Suit? How?
I'm not usually one for resolutions every new year, but I really should make one not to talk anymore about how poorly Stantis has been drawing Prickly City as of late. It would save me a lot of time and typing. So from this day forward (until I give up on it, like most people do with silly resolutions), I vow to write less about how terrible Stantis is as an artist.
But first, let's point out how exceptionally crappy things look today:
- In the first panel, why is Winslow's body shaped like a giant yellow marshmallow? In the second panel he's a bean, then the third the more traditional pear with a nubbin for a tail. Consistency, thy name isn't Stantis.
- Carmen looks completely different in panel one compared to panel two, but we never see her face so it's not really her expression that's changed. Stantis has just drawn her in one sloppy way, then changed it up to a different, sloppier way. Also, her arms are officially the same size as her legs now.
- Along those lines, her part goes from four inches across to two. Either way, still looks hideous.
- Do we have any idea how many fingers characters in Prickly City are supposed to have? Because Stantis tends to just draw a few squiggly lines and hopes people think they're fingers.
- Stantis can't even keep a clipboard, which is a brown square with a yellow half circle on top, the same between two panels. They're called "straight lines," Stantis. Borrow a ruler sometime.
- I kinda like the third panel, mainly because it keeps us from having to see Stantis attempt that little something called "detail."
- Without the "whack whack whack," I thought Carmen was breathing into a paper bag like she was having a panic attack. Mainly because Stantis decided he didn't need to draw that little half circle that let's us know it's the same clipboard from the first two panels.
- Why is Winslow's head so narrow in that last panel? It's like he's been squished.
Today's strip could have been a really good opportunity for Stantis to poke fun at himself. When Carmen asks Winslow what lessons he's learned, he should have said, "Well, I guess I should have spent as much time campaigning in Iowa that I did for that Prickly City primary that nobody remembers instead of just the past few days. Oh, and the corn suit was insulting to the people I was trying to get to vote for me." Yeah, I know - not funny. But it's what Stantis did, and it would have been nice for him to admit that he dropped the ball big time with the Winslow campaign. It's as if he got so bored with the process because he did it last summer that he didn't think there was anymore funny to squeeze out of the process - which gave us the stupid corn suit. And now we're expected to read him throughout the rest of the primary season? He might as well just ignore it until the conventions, since he obviously shot his load last summer.
And why oh why is Winslow depressed? He should be like every other candidate not named Biden or Dodd who's still in the running. Even though the media told us that this was the Most Important Election Evah for weeks, we now know it doesn't mean anything since New Hampshire is a few days away - and THAT'S the Most Important Election Evah (until Super Tuesday, or as that one moron on MSNBC says, "Tsunami Tuesday").
It's too bad Winslow doesn't have the media on his side, like St. John McCain. I could have sworn he came in fourth place - behind Tired Fred Thompson - but to hear them gush it was a four way tie for first place and McCain was the real winner of the night. Then again Winslow is a Democrat, so much like Hillary ("it's the end of an era," Howard Fineman told me) and Edwards (he's dead in the water, dontcha know - cuz he came in SECOND) his campaign is done, finished, through, over. Unless he's Obama, and if he gets the nomination it might lead to race riots (at least that's what the leading Republican bloggers are saying). What I found interesting was that while Obama gave an awesome victory speech (he's not my candidate, but even I admit it was great), the media decided they didn't really want to show it the following day. Huckabee with Chuck Norris? Saw plenty of that. Romney saying that the people didn't want to change who's in the White House (???), but who's in Washington in general? That got some play (but sadly outside of Keith Olbermann nobody commented on how it sounds as though Willard "Mitt" Romney is finally embracing the policies of George W. Bush - and admitting it). But Obama kicking all kinds of ass with that speech? No time for that - Britney's in the hospital!!!
With that in mind, Winslow's punchline today really does suck. He should have stuck with reality and said what everybody else is saying: "Oh Iowa doesn't matter - New Hampshire is where I REALLY have to win if I want to be president! Now get me a suit made out of granite! And the number for Karl Rove! I heard Obama has not one but two black babies..."
December 30, 2007
"Winslow, Can You Believe You're A Coyote And The Sky Is Blue?" "?"
Today's Prickly City would probably be a decent comic strip - if it were any other strip. But since one of the characters has been running for president for more than half the year, and the other one has been his campaign manager, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense.
Not only that, the way Stantis draws it only confuses the issue. Carmen has a goofy smile on her face, as if she's looking forward to the mud slinging. This after saying that all she wanted was for people to get along (then spent a week arguing with Winslow, then spent Christmas telling everyone who disagrees with her to kiss her ass). Then there's Winslow. Poor, stupid, clueless Winslow. For some odd reason, Stantis has a question mark hanging over the coyote's head and a look of confusion (or is it consternation?) on his face. No Carmen, apparently Winslow CAN'T believe the election is around the corner. He's that stupid.
But it is nice to see that all those years Stantis spent in junior high drawing big trucks in the corners of his algebra notebook finally paid off.
Something else I found peculiar: the businesses in Prickly City feel it necessary to have security bars on their windows? Is the city that dangerous? Then again they do have a Burger King with those terrorist-busting security cameras.
I get the sense that Stantis is missing certain parts of his brain, like they didn't fully develop when he was a child. He's all about coming up with what he thinks are cute ideas - "there's a lot of mud slinging in politics - what if Carmen and Winslow get mud dumped on them!" - but he's missing that part of the frontal lobe that reasons out why that kind of thing doesn't work for his strip. It's like his inability to understand that it's dumb to have Carmen asking for unity one day and then arguing with Winslow the next - and calling Winslow stupid for saying basically the same thing she said only days earlier. Not only can't he keep his characters and their personalities straight, he can't do it with his storylines either. It's a real problem, but it feels like the newspaper editors are too afraid to call him on it or he'll send his lawyers - or worse yet, Karl Rove - after them.
Now the big question: how does Stantis end 2007? Does he start a new storyline about the Iowa caucuses and ignore the New Year, or does he give a lame send-off to one of the worst years in Prickly City history? It's a tough call - usually I'd say that Stantis is all about throwing up an easy strip so he doesn't have to work on a full week's worth of storyline, but it's a holiday and we all know how he doesn't own a calendar. At least we can all agree that it's probably going to suck. Just like everything else in Prickly City this year. And next.
December 29, 2007
Prickly City Has Become Too Confused For Understanding
What gives, Stantis? Only one racist strip this week? Come on now, you can do better than that. Why stop at saying that all Hispanic people look alike to you? Saying Bill Richardson looks like Erik Estrada because they both have brown skin and black hair is just the tip of the iceberg! Here, I'll help you out.
Since I suck at photoshop I'll stop there, but I'm sure Stantis can come up with more hate-filled stereotyping on his own. But why stop at race? How about Ellen Degeneres and Hillary, since they're both dykes in your mind? Or one of the Village People and John Edwards since he's such a fag? I shudder to think what you'll do with Alan Keyes. Oh, wait, he's a Republican - nevermind. Too bad there aren't any Japanese or Indian candidates, since I'm sure they all look alike to you too.
Sorry to go off there, but I think since it was a Friday and during the holidays Stantis is going to get off easy for yesterday's strip. Yeah he was trying to be funny, but I don't see how what he did is any different from what's up above - an unfunny, racist, stereotypical comparison because two people happen to have the most basic of similarities. Yeah, like the entire Republican field (outside of Keyes) aren't all middle aged white men and the average person couldn't tell you which one was Brownback and which was Tancredo. Most people don't even realize that Richardson is Hispanic (and he doesn't exactly advertise it). So I'm not about to let Stantis get away with something that would give plenty of newspapers an excuse to drop a strip if it was done by somebody else.
As for today's strip, Mr. I Hate Technology AGAIN refers to the internet for his punchline. This time it's that bulldog who skateboards, and thanks to an appearance in an iPhone commercial got national television exposure. Does anybody honestly believe Stantis knew the dog's name was Tillman before he wrote this? And does anybody honestly believe that this somehow makes Old Man Stantis "hip" because he referenced something that was kitschy six months ago?
And let's check out that second panel for one of the worst uses of the English language yet. "Politics has become too confused for entertainment." What does that even mean??? The mainstream media already act like the presidential campaign is one big lame reality show for their amusement. Too confused? What's more confusing about it this year than last? Just a completely baffling statement. Then to top it off, Winslow says he's giving up on having a celebrity sidekick - then introduces 2007's version of Spuds McKenzie as his new sidekick. But because he's on the internet, that means he's not a part of the entertainment world like Oprah and Gary Coleman. What? What the f*** is he talking about?
If Stantis spent his Christmas wishing he could somehow become a worse comic strip writer, then Santa gave him exactly what he wanted. This is terrible, horrible, no good, and very bad in every way imaginable. And to think, he's going to get yet another year to torment those of us who actually think comic strips should be funny and well-drawn. 2008's gonna be a loooong year.
December 24, 2007
Our Third Annual Christmas Eve Wish List For Scott Stantis
CJo's enjoying the Eve, but today's the kind of day we need him and his incredible recall abilities because I could swear this is a repeat but I don't know for sure. Carmen notes that Santa knows when you've been bad or good, Winslow says that sounds like Dick Cheney, and Carmen closes things on the odd note that nobody's ever seen them in the same place at the same time. Yeah, that's what we need to be teaching the kiddies WHO READ THE COMIC STRIP PAGES - that Santa is illegally spying on us, just like evil Dick Cheney. That's just a jerky to say on this of all days, especially if little ones are home reading the comics this morning. Thanks for ruining Christmas, Stantis.
Sure it's a cheap holiday gag, but Stantis really needs to remember that his strip appears alongside Marmaduke and that strip about two naked eight-year-olds who are married. Would you want to explain to your kid who Dick Cheney is and why they're saying he's just like Santa? Talk about a botched joke. This is the kind of thing you say when BSing about politics with your co-workers at the office Christmas party, and then someone follows it up by saying, "Yeah, but Santa gives you things - Dick Cheney wants to take away all of our freedoms." But not our boy Stantis - he's the guy taking a dump in the punch bowl.
As is the custom here at Ville of the Shrub on the Eve of the Mas of Christ (it's not really the mass, is it? more of his fake b-day, kinda like when you adopt a dog and don't really know when he was born so you pick a day that's usually someone else's birthday so you easily remember it. boy did I go off on a tangent there), here are some of the things I hope Scott Stantis finds under the X-mas tree this year:
- Some balls. I know that's crass, but Stantis never wants to tackle the tough issues. Yeah he finally talked about spying but failed miserably (ex: acting like Burger King installed security cameras to stop terrorism, and hasn't had them installed for decades now to stop people from robbing them). After the disastrous strips on Iraq (the desert hamster nightmare) he stopped talking about the war completely. He never talked about the outing of Valerie Plame, or the US Attorney firing scandal, or Attorney General Gonzales, or Bush lying about the Iran NIE, or any host of scandals involving Republicans and sex. If it was a major political issue, you could count on Scott Stantis not to address it in his political forum on the comic pages, even though that's the only reason his strip is still around. I guess comparing Santa to Dick Cheney is supposed to be enough. My hope is that next year, with primary season just around the corner, Stantis grows a pair and stops hiding behind the fact that he's been on the wrong side of almost every issue and tackles something harder than Winslow's terribly unfunny candidacy and Carmen whining about the commercialization of the holidays.
- Some one on one classes with a real comic strip artist. I've mentioned on previous Eves that someone needs to get him a how-to book on how to draw, but obviously that's not enough. Sit him down with a professional who has a ton of patience who can walk him through little things like how to consistently draw your characters with the same dimensions. You know, things that are just taken for granted with other non-conservative comic strip artists.
- On that same note, a funny bone. When was the last time you even chuckled reading Prickly City? Have you ever laughed outloud? Or are you left scratching your head trying to figure out what the heck Stantis is talking about? Maybe before he gets some lessons on comedy he should take a remedial course on the English language.
- Speaking of which, I hope Santa brings him a freakin' word program that he can stick with. Pick a font and leave it, Stantis. Otherwise it looks like you're submitting your rough draft to the papers every time since you can't make up your mind what looks best.
- The ability to remember that he has a little something called a "podcast." Amazing to think that a professional comic strip artist, employed and given an office at an actual newspaper, acts like part of his duties that he made a big deal of at the beginning of the year is now being treated like cleaning out the garage or giving the dog a bath. I can hear Stantis talking to his boss now: "Do a new podcast? I'll get to it later, after I take care of some important other stuff. Like...um...I'll just do it later, okay?"
- And finally, I'd like to wish Scott Stantis some holiday spirit. It's clear that Stantis has had a rough year in all kinds of ways. For the purpose of this blog it's been obvious that politics hasn't been kind to him as he's watched his Republican party fall apart, seeing that his brand of conservative government is a big fat failure. That's why he's avoided politics for the most part - otherwise he has to admit how badly folks sharing his views have screwed up the country. Cheer up, Stantis: only one more year and Bush and Cheney are gone and hopefully someone who won't blow up the world will be elected into the White House. I almost want to wish for Scott's sake that a Republican gets elected. Almost. But even I don't have that much Christmas spirit.
I'd rather have my country back.
***
Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas to you all from Shrubville.
Now go get nogged!
December 23, 2007
The Scott Stantis Guide To Botching A Simple Holiday Strip, Vol. 42
Wow. Is there anything Scott Stantis CAN'T screw up?
It's a simple premise. Winslow, dressed up and singing like a drunken, pantless department store Santa, realizes when he's halfway through "Winter Wonderland" that he's still in the desert and it's really hot there. Now it's IMPOSSIBLE to mess up that simple gag, right?
No, Virginia - not for Scott Stantis.
The first panel is fine. I'm confused as to why Winslow would put on the big black boots but not pants, but otherwise the drawing and even the singing are fine.
Then there's the atrocious second panel. Stantis tries to do his weird "head turning in confusion" trick again, and it's horrific. The three faces of Winston appear, only one of which seems to have a mouth (the one facing right). Stantis screws up this old comic strip technique by having Winslow's hat move with his head as well, instead of staying put while he whips his head back and forth. I've never drawn a comic strip in my life and even I know that.
But that's not the worst of it. No, I would have to say that Stantis' odd choice of how to separate the word "Wonderland" between the first and second panels takes the snowcake. I think 99% of the people out there would think it's logical to have Wilson say "Wonder...land?" But not Stantis. Instead, he gives us "...and." When I first read it I was confused. "...and" what? Did Stantis forget the rest of the line, and Winslow was supposed to say, "Walking through a Winter Wonderl...and where's the snow?" Nope. Stantis just thought it would be funnier to separate the word in the most confusing way possible. Heck, even "...erland" would have been funnier. But not for the worst comic strip writer ever.
The less said about the last panel, the better. I don't even think that's Winslow. If he wasn't red and yellow, I'd think that was a completely different character than the one appearing in the first panel. The dimensions are all off (look how huge the hat is and how round his body is now - even his arms are puffier). And is Stantis so lazy that he won't even take the time to repeat the background from the second panel? Winslow realizes he's in the desert again - why would that disappear? Why not show a low angle of a melting Winslow with the huge sun (NOT the moon) hanging in the sky behind him? Or am I being too much of an Ebeneezer in how critical I am of a light-hearted holiday strip?
Bah, humbug. We all know the real scrooge is a comic strip "artist" who is somehow, some way getting worse with every single strip. Even when it's as simple as having a coyote singing Christmas songs in the middle of the desert.
Posted by The Furnace at 09:10 AM | Comments (0)December 22, 2007
Note To Carmen: Speak For Yourself, Little Girl
Carmen has a Facebook account? How can I look her up, by typing in her full name - Carmen A. Hypocrite?
Today's strip is just odd. Once again it's a case of Stantis thinking he has a good point to make, but then completely fumbling it. Let's just ignore the fact that Carmen is the sancatmonius one here (which is why her having a Facebook account is so hypocritical - wouldn't this whole strip have made more sense if Winslow was the one railing against technology? Oh wait - that wouldn't make sense either).
Carmen talks about how we Americans don't want strangers all up in our bizness. No disagreements from me - I think we can all agree that we don't want the government illegally spying on us, and then giving the telecom companies retroactive immunity for breaking the law to do it. But her next point is that since "we" have those cell phones that wrap around your ear, people are broadcasting "our" most intimate secrets. So she is all up in arms - if "we're" so open with "our" private lives, how can we beg for privacy?
Easy. Not all of us walk around talking on cell phones or posting our personal dirt online. It's called "choice." I choose not to talk about who I'm dating or who I'm lusting after or to post pics of myself drunk at parties. However, if the government decides to request a phone company to illegally monitor ALL of OUR calls and emails, that's not OUR choice at all. The government is intruding on my life, your life, everybody's lives - we're not all broadcasting those details. Why is that so hard for Stantis to understand? And why is he one of these jerks that needs to speak in absolutes that cover everybody, other than it's the only way he can make this point of his?
Yeah, there are quite a few morons out there who think they're in the privacy of their home when they walk around talking outloud on those stupid phones or blog about their dark secrets. They're usually the same dicks who talk during the movie. And surprisingly enough, I guess Carmen is one of those jerks. Of course that makes zero sense - she supposedly hates all forms of technology