July 15, 2008
Care Less
I don't drink coffee.
July 05, 2008
Relatively Speaking, Prickly City Sucks
Uh oh. Stantis is talking about philosophy again. Carmen worries about moral relativism and right and wrong, with Winslow getting the easy punchline.
Maybe Carmen should worry about her physical relativism instead. Check out the difference in her body size between panels 1 and 2. She goes from super skinny to obese with no explanation. She then grows two or three inches from panel 3 to 4. What's happening to the poor girl?
But getting back to "moral relativism," I think it's pretty safe to say that it's just plain wrong to make fun of someone's painful history with cancer and torture. Celebrating that Sandra Day O'Connor's husband is dying is probably wrong. Stantis getting paid to do it? Not necessarily morally wrong, but just a stupid waste of money.
March 25, 2008
McCheney
After yesterday's painfully worded strip, Stantis hits us with the punchline: Winslow has been hanging out with Geraldine Ferraro!
Unfortunately that was two weeks ago, and since then everyone has stopped focusing on Ferraro's racist comments about Obama and are instead obsessed with Obama's pastor's comments. But it's okay by me that Stantis brings this up again - I don't think Ferraro and Clinton got nearly enough criticism for that whole deal. Then again who knows where Stantis is going with this - he might think Ferraro was right.
I don't really have much to say this morning. Instead, I'd suggest checking out this article pointing out how the media is in the bag for McCain. Doesn't have anything to do with Ferraro or ovaries, but it does make for a good reminder that the press wants to annoint St. McCain as the next president, and the general public is falling for it. Sorry, but if someone is willing to vote for McCain over Hillary or Obama, they're just asking for four more years of Bush/Cheney - and that's insane.
January 27, 2008
Shorter Stantis: Prayer Is Worthless
Uh oh. Scott Stantis is getting all philosophical on us again. And in doing so, seems to be dismissing pretty much every form of organized religion out there.
Did you know that Carmen/Stantis thinks the only way you can talk to God is to die? Gee, our own President might disagree with that, seeing as how God apparently told Bush that it was fine and dandy to invade Iraq. I'm sure all those people that see God in things like tortillas and oil stains are going to be disappointed as well.
This strip is such a mess. It starts with Winslow saying he's not going to die, and Carmen telling him he has no choice. Winslow wants to lodge a complaint, and Carmen says the only way to do that is to die. Then there's the bizarre final panel. Mind you, the discussion Carmen and Winslow are having is why Winslow has to die.
Winslow: The answer to the great cosmic question is basically an automated answering machine?
Carmen: Press one to return to the main menu.
Um, what?
Does anybody else think this last panel was meant for another strip on another topic and Stantis accidentally included it in this one? Because to me, the "great cosmic question" isn't "why do I have to die?" but simply "why?" or "why are we here?" Maybe selfish people like Stantis think the most important question in the world is why they can't die whenever they want, but I don't think priests and monks pursue their calling to God to find out "why can't I live forever?"
On top of that, I really don't understand what Stantis is trying to say. So death is the equivalent of an answering machine? Huh? Maybe I'm missing something there. But apparently Stantis is having a crisis of faith right now, since he doesn't think prayer will put him in touch with the Big Guy and answer some of his questions, like "why do I suck so much?"
Oh, and why does Carmen have a magazine in the first few panels?
Worst. Comic Strip. In the World.
January 01, 2008
Meet The New Year, Same As The Old Year
To begin with, I would like to wish everyone a happy and healthy New Year. We here at Shrubville appreciate that people take the time to read our rantings, and we hope everyone - even Scott Stantis - has a great 2008. Especially Stantis, because he had a REALLY bad 2007 and we all suffered because of it.
Next I'd like suggest stopping by Tumbleweedtown and checking out his year end awards. Chris is a regular commenter here at the Shrub, and was kind enough to include us in his year in review. Although it did force me to remember that stupid week where someone named "shrubville sucks" bombed the site with his Stantis love.
While I'm plugging sites, I'd like to also recommend Digby's post from a few days ago about how suddenly the Village Elders like David Broder are calling for bipartisanship when they couldn't be bothered with it for the first six years under Republican rule. It's a great counter to all of the nonsense Stantis was spewing last month about how we all need to just get along and both sides need to stop fighting - and do everything Carmen and the Republicans want.
Then there's today's strip. Dear Lord. Could there have been a more perfectly bad way for Stantis to start the year off? Let's check off the Prickly City cliche's:
- Carmen and Stantis standing in the desert? Check.
- Carmen appearing to have violentlay shoved Winslow off the edge, most likely because he said something she didn't like? Check. (yeah, I know Winslow probably jumped, but the way it's drawn it's just as likely that she pushed him)
- Winslow drawn in such a way that he's nearly unrecognizable? You betcha.
- Winslow trying to fly, a gag I thought Stantis had dropped because he had run it into the ground (or I guess flown it into the ground)? Yup.
- The part in Carmen's hair is bigger than most of her other body parts? Mmhmm.
- Stantis screwing up an easy and derivative strip with lazy drawing and just ripping off something he either did himself before or probably saw someone else do a year ago? You know it.
Stantis sure does nail a lot of the things that suck about Prickly City, all in one lazy strip. The bad "art," Carmen's violent nature, Winslow's stupidity, lame running "jokes" that never went anywhere in the first place - all in a single, lame panel.
It's gonna be a really long year if this is the best Stantis can do when it comes to starting off on the right foot.
Originally I was going to devote today's post to a yearly retrospective, going back over 2007 and taking a look at how awful Prickly City was this past year. But then I got through March and couldn't take it anymore. All today's strip needed was for Stantis to whine about how much attention the media gives to celebrities while giving them attention himself, for Stantis to bitch about technology while trying to sound like a hip geek by referencing the internet, and for Stantis to take a poll or a study out of context to make a point even though he knows it's a lie, and he would have nailed three of his other big talking points that got repeated over and over this past year (oh, and he needed to rip off the Seinfeld "anti-dentite" punchline for a FOURTH time in a year).
I did realize one thing while trying to look back at 2007: Prickly City really isn't a political strip anymore. Yeah, it's conservative - Stantis is a Bush Republican through and through, even though (much like all of the Republican candidates for President) he refuses to mention He Who Must Not Be Named Even Though He's The President And They All Agree With His Policies. But outside of Winslow's boring and unfunny candidacy, Stantis hasn't really been talking politics that much. Maybe it's because things are so bad for his party. But gone are the references to Conde Rice, and he never mentioned Alberto Gonzales or Karl Rove or Larry Craig or David Vitter or any of the other cast of thousands when there was plenty of political stories he could have tackled. Instead there were pretty blond girls to talk about or technology that must be stopped. Maybe with the primaries starting up Stantis will get back to focusing on the main reason his comic strip is supposed to exist, but I doubt there will be much more substance than him calling Hillary a witch and refusing to talk about Ron Paul*. Just more of the same lazy, unfunny garbage he's been dishing out for several years now - and instead of improving, he's getting worse.
(Quick note for the Paulbots out there: I don't endorse Ron Paul's candidacy - in fact I think he's an extremist and a racist and too many people are jumping on his bandwagon simply because he wants out of Iraq. However he's a conservative and he's raised the most money on the Republican side, so it's strange that Stantis has yet to mention his candidacy even though he's already talked about the other candidates and even endorsed Huckabee. Why not talk about the guy? Plenty to make fun of there, especially when Paul says there isn't a single war we should have fought in the past century or that Lincoln ruined the country by his starting the Civil War because slavery would have just gone away eventually.)
So I have a new wish for 2008. I wish that another conservative comic strip writer, who isn't afraid to tackle the big issues and can actually draw, shows up in the comic world - and uses his talents to replace Scott Stantis and Prickly City. Much like with the President, we might not be able to fire him (thanks, Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid, for nothing) but we sure as heck can replace him. Too bad we'll have to wait a year to do it with Bush - but newspaper editors, please feel free to replace Stantis as soon as possible.
Again, Happy New Year - and don't let Prickly City ruin it.
December 02, 2007
Worst. Drawing of a Bat. Ever.
I find it interesting that Scott Stantis can devote five days to attacking Arianna Huffington because she has a blog where people can post their thoughts for free, and then spends one day criticizing Rudy "Sex On The City" Giuliani and one day on the 9/11 truth seekers. Gee, of those three topics which do you think has the most potential? I'm betting nobody would say "making Arianna sound like a German dominatrix." But as our president would say it's "hard work" actually having to do research on things like who could be our next president or what really happened on 9/11.
As for the 9/11 "conspiracy theorists," I have a simple solution: give us all the facts. The only reason people have to form theories about events like this is because the government refuses to share with the public all of the evidence. Why the secrecy? The 9/11 Commission was a joke, and if I remember correctly it was supposed to be a two part report and they decided they didn't need the second part. There are so many things that happened that morning that have never been explained believably that of course people are going to wonder what the heck went on and if our government had something to do with it or let it happen so they could have their own Pearl Harbor event like PNAC suggested.
And for those of you that say, "Conspiracy? Pushaw - our government could never conceal a conspiracy like that" I'd like to point out a few little conspiracies like taking us to war with Iraq, opening secret prisons around the world to hold people without criminal charges, and the outing of a CIA agent. People are just now accepting that those were conspiracies, but is anybody doing anything about punishing the people behind them? Heck even Scooter Libby got his sentence commuted, and now we learn that the President himself lied to then-White House Spokesman Scott McClellan about his personal involvement. If the President and Vice President were involved in a conspiracy to commit treason by outing the CIA agent who was a part of the investigation of the nuclear capabilities of Iraq and Iran, whose to say they're completely innocent when it comes to 9/11?
I don't know. Nobody knows for sure. And that's my point. The facts have dribbled out about Iraq and the prisons and torture, and they've been slow to come out on 9/11, but there are far too many unanswered questions about that day for people to simply chalk up conspiracy talk to a few nuts wearing tinfoil hats.
The one big issue for me that has always made me question what exactly happened that day has been the collapse of the third World Trade Center tower. What's that you say? Only two buildings fell down? Don't feel bad - even my own Dad didn't remember that WTC 7 fell into its own footprint even though it wasn't hit by a plane and it was across the street and behind another building from the two main towers. So far the only explanation given was that there was a fire in the basement(?), and I'm sorry - that doesn't cut it. So call me a conspiracy theorist, but until someone explains how a steel structure can collapse like that when no other steel building in history has fallen due simply to fire, I'm going to question it.
I won't even get into the scrambling of only two fighter jets when four planes were hijacked.
But really we already have proof that this government knew there was a potential for attacks and did nothing about it, which would mean they were "conspiring" to do nothing in the face of imminent terrorist attacks. The August 6th PDB. The July meeting with Conde and Ashcroft. The Minnesota FBI agent who realized that people on the terrorist watch list trying to take flying lessons yet nobody listened to her. Ashcroft suddently taking private aircraft that summer after flying on commercial jets up until then. There are plenty of things that we know for sure happened that let us know that this government had warnings that something bad was going to happen, yet they did nothing. Does that make it a conspiracy to bring down the towers and hit the Pentagon? I don't know. And that's the whole point.
So go ahead Stantis, call people who want to know the truth "batty." Crack jokes about the deaths of nearly 3000 people on US soil because our government didn't do everything in its power to stop it. Hardy har. Maybe next week you can make jokes about those silly conspiracy theorists that think our government lied us into war in Iraq. Oh wait - that would be more hard work - best you spend the next five days making fun of Nancy Pelosi's looks.
Posted by The Furnace at 09:58 AM | Comments (1)March 11, 2007
Suggestions for Stantis
Winslow tries to fly again. Nothing new here, nothing original. I'm sure if we went back we'd find variations on this drawing ever since PC started. No point in commenting. It's what Stantis does when he doesn't want to talk about politics or his obsession with tabloid journalism.
So I'm going to open up the floor to our commenters. I know it's Sunday so there aren't a lot of readers, but if you're checking on Monday I'd like to pose this question to you, our fearless readers:
How would you improve Prickly City?
Please make as many suggestions as you can come up with. We know Toby used to read the site, so maybe he'll see that people are trying to help.
February 27, 2007
Conservatives and Comedy
Growing up one of my friends was a transplant from the South, having spent a few years of his youth down in Florida and Georgia before moving up to Illinois with his family. Despite living the vast majority of his life on this side of the Mason-Dixon Line, he continues to this day to call himself a Southerner.
He was also a moderate conservative. He was never very political through the 90s under Bubba - he reluctantly admitted he liked Clinton because things were going well, and realized how stupid it was to impeach a guy for lying about getting a hummer. But he still claimed to be a Southern Conservative, which is why he voted for George W. Bush in 2000.
When we were kids he was the one whose idea of humor was exaggeration. He couldn't tell a simple funny story - no, he had to go way over the top with everything he said. In essence, lying. But we were kids - we knew he was blowing things out of proportion - that was part of his schtick. As we got older I even busted him a few times making up completely fake stories just to get a laugh. But that was our Southern Friend - it's just how he was.
Then 9/11 happened. And some lever somewhere in his mind, and I think the minds of many Conservatives, flipped. His "jokes" became more and more mean-spirited. It was easier to make fun of someone than tell a funny story. All of a sudden anyone with darker skin who spoke with a weird accent was subject to a vicious punchline. And anybody who disagreed with the President wanted the terrorists to win. He didn't just exaggerate anymore: he flat-out lied to make his points, funny or not.
We're not close anymore. When he called me a terrorist for disagreeing with him and the President I knew we were pretty much at the end of the road with our friendship. But by that time the writing was already on the wall. He wasn't funny anymore. He was mean. I never knew if what he was saying was true, a blatant lie, or something he heard on Rush or Fox News that he was simply repeating because a conservative said it so it must be true. He had become a sad, bitter man with few friends other than his second wife. Unfortunately, the math seemed pretty clear to me: the more conservative he became, the less funny and less likable he became as well.
Now I'm not saying that's the case for everyone - of course not. But across the board it seems like more and more Bush Conservatives are following the same path. The more isolated they become (now around 28% of the population), the more cruel and quick to lie they've become. Facts be damned: if what they're hearing doesn't agree with what their President tells them, the person who's saying it is a terrorist.
And worst of all: conservatives aren't funny anymore. Dennis Miller is the poster boy. And did any of you see Fox News' new "comedy" answer to The Daily Show? Something called "The 1/2 Hour News Hour." It's painful to watch, especially with the horrible fake laugh track. It's pretty much lies and Republican talking points. But that's comedy to Bush supporters now.
So is Prickly City. I'm sure there's a group out there that will read today's tripe and think it's funny. It's not. Global Warming isn't some huge conspiracy when 99+% of the scientists in the world who study it agree that humans are contributing to the problem. And it's not funny that Winslow would take her to a "church" to prove his point.
I feel bad for guys like Stantis and my friend from the South (who has since moved back down there to be with his family, the only people who agree with him). They don't realize how THEY are the ones who are the fringe in this country, not the "lefty loons" they spent the past six years demonizing. The majority of Americans believe Global Warming is a problem. The vast majority of Americans want our troops out of Iraq. And the overwhelming majority of Americans think George W. Bush is a horrible president and wish he was out of office right now.
The only humor I see in the Republican party right now is that their leading candidates for President - McCain, Giuliani, and Romney - either have a handful of divorces in their past, were pro-choice up until a few years ago, or aren't even Christian. Now THAT'S funny.
Prickly City is not.
December 02, 2006
Why Couldn't It Have Been a Lone Wolf and Cub Parody?
Uh oh, Stantis - if the Feds find out you've been using the internets to learn how to make rockets they might put you on The List.
Okay, now this is funny. But not the way that Stantis and his future daughter-in-law meant it to be.
The Speaker-elect's giant floating head has been vanquished, thanks to a combination of Winslow as a roll of Mentos and Diet Coke.
Let's stop and analyze this, shall we?
Scott Stantis supposedly HATES technology. Despises it as much as he hates stupid smelly stinky liberal elderly grandmothers.
The phenomenon of dropping some Mentos into a bottle of Diet Coke and making a rocket is STRICTLY internet-fueled. I can virtually guarantee you that anyone over 40 who doesn't use the internet at work has no clue what the hell Stantis is talking about when he says that's how Carmen and Winslow were able to win. I can safely tell you that my parents and most of my friends don't know what the combination of Mentos and Coke will get you, because it's not something that's been in newspapers or on the nightly news - it's one of the first YouTube videos that got a lot of attention and that's about the only place where anybody cared (except for Keith Olbermann's Countdown, because he's all kinds of awesomeness).
So not only did Stantis turn the drawing duties over to a girl whose style is most likely offensive to any of his over-50 readers (especially the panels where Carmen goes through puberty naked), he's topped it off with a punchline that only a handful of internet-savvy readers will understand. And most of them are saying, "Where did Carmen get a bottle of Diet Coke in Manga World? At the Gundam Grocery?"
At least Stantis didn't have Winslow beat Nancy Pelosi's head by getting rid of her bad breath. No, that would have been in really bad taste. Not like the concept of Stantis beating up an elderly woman through the proxy of a young girl.
I would also like to hi-light Doc Sane's comment from yesterday. He makes a great point: why exactly are Carmen and Winslow fighting the future House leader? Especially Winslow - wasn't he just bragging that his side won? Nope - she's from San Francisco and a liberal, so that makes her evil and she must be beaten to death. Thanks Stantis - it's good to know that all of that stuff the Republicans were saying right after the elections about working together was a load of crap.
Of course this leaves us without a subject for the big Sunday color single-panel extravaganza. Are there any other women that Stantis wants to beat up? Maybe another elderly person that doesn't share his "values?" Ooh I know - maybe you should have your sub draw up a strip where you pummel Max Cleland after you throw him out of his wheelchair. Maybe that'll make you feel like an even bigger man, Stantis. God I hope they fire your ass when they realize that you're just a bitter, soulless, unfunny piece of garbage who gets his rocks off lying to the American public and blaming everyone else when things don't go your way - which is the way of the President. Maybe being unable to draw will give you some time to think through this whole chosen profession of yours, and you can come up with something that's a better fit. Used car salesman maybe? Baby seal killer? Maybe someone can use the comments section to come up with a better occupation for Mr. Stantis, because "funny comic strip artist" sure ain't it.
November 18, 2006
Womb Raider
Let's face it: Stantis just doesn't care anymore. We actually did get a week of adoption strips like I predicted on Tuesday, and it felt like Stantis was just making it up as he went along with no point to it all. He hasn't even updated his podcast since September. And you know it has to be a weak entry for me to wonder what the heck was on his mind last week and why he didn't spend more time trashing John Kerry.
After spending several days trying to adopt Carmen, now Winslow wants someone to adopt him. Um, okay - talk about not wanting to tackle politics this week. Of course it's Angelina Jolie he wants to be his "mama," yet another bizarre reference from Stantis to bestiality. Turns out Winslow is a big fan of the "Tomb Raider" movies, which makes him the only one.
I don't blame Winslow for choosing Jolie over Madonna. Her faux British accent and freakish body would warp any young child. Although she's much more controversial (and if he checked the TV Guide she has a big concert on NBC this week), so that would lead to more weeks of Stantis not caring and just slapping strips together. At least they'd have some relevance other than hearing about how Jolie's body guards beat up some more photographers.
Winslow seems to be forgetting that Angelina is married to Brad Pitt. Maybe Winslow's hoping for a threesome. What, it's okay for him to be into woman-on-coyote sex, but not group sex? Stantis, you're a sick, twisted pervert. You're corrupting young minds everywhere with your sexual fantasies.
Yeah yeah, I know that's not what Stantis meant. But how else am I supposed to fill out today's post? Lord knows I'm going to have to don the Future Goggles to kill time tomorrow as this storyline concludes with Winslow getting a rejection letter because he's not cute and African enough.
The next few weeks will be interesting. It should be the equivalent to TV sweeps for him now that he's had time to process the election results. But he's going on leave in December, so there's a good chance he'll just phone it in until then. Either way we here at Shrubville are doomed. But that's how we like it.
PS: Family Guy sucks. But that's just my opinion.
September 19, 2006
At Least It's Not a Week of TomKat
Apparently Stantis was reading the Wall Street Journal last month. They ran a story on mini-clinics - those small doctor's offices that are now being built into stores and malls so people can go there to get a quick check up instead of waiting for weeks to get into a regular clinic. Here's the link, but it won't do you any good unless you're a subscriber (which I'm not, so I looked at this entry on a blog for a summary of the story).
I guess this is just one more terrible horrible advancement in our society that Stantis hates so much. I'll bet he protested when drug stores and grocery stores combined decades ago - how dare they sell my drugs next to the Twix bars! Of course now everyone accepts that it's a really good idea. And personally I think this is a great idea, especially if it costs half as much as going to a regular clinic and right after walking out I can drop off my Rx, go buy groceries, pick up my drugs, and go home. Sure beats the three trips I'd have to take all over town that Stantis wants me to make.
For some odd reason Stantis thinks the guys who work at these mini-clinics want to sexually molest him. The less said about that, the better. Although a lot of people would argue that the health care companies sure like to rape people (figuratively, of course - not like that sicko Stantis implies).
So really Scott you're the only one who's going to resist this. Embrace the future. It's really not that bad. I know that you and the Beav want things to be like they were back in the 50s, but let it go. I'm sorry, but I don't hear a lot of other people complaining that they can buy their Tylenol one aisle over from the diapers and another aisle over from the shampoo, the whole while my drugs are being dispensed in the corner. Or maybe you don't like the idea of sick people being around your fresh veggies. Um, newsflash: they already are. Unless the spinach is what's making them sick in the first place.
Posted by The Furnace at 08:13 AM | Comments (2)August 08, 2006
Phasers Set On Pun
It's been a while since I was in English class, but is that a pun at the end of today's PC? Ugh. It's too early in the day for puns. It's ALWAYS too early for puns.
So yeah, it's a week of hating technology. I keep thinking I've seen this strip before, but I'm not sure if it's because it's a repeat or Stantis drew an old one over again and changed the wording slightly. But Carmen wants us to throw off the chains of technology and free ourselves from being able to do things like communicate with each other. And like Annie pointed out yesterday being able to call 911 from pretty much anywhere if there's an emergency. Not like those good ol' days when we didn't even have 911. Lousy Democrats.
I've never understood Stantis's point. He wants us to give up talking on the phone and via the internet, I guess because he wants us to talk more to each other in person. But who has the time to do that anymore? With this wonderful (please add sarcasm) economy parents are working more than ever and they have less to show for it. At least now now if mom is running late at her second job she can call Timmy on his cell and let him know she'll be late to pick him up from soccer practice and not have to rely on the school janitor to forward the message to him since she had to call the pay phone in the school lobby. And Timmy has access to more information at home than ever before - if it's 10pm on a school night and he still needs to know the state flower of Texas for the report due tomorrow, a quick google answers the question (the bluebonnet).
As I've mentioned before, this is just Stantis and other neo-cons being desperate to return to the 1950s. But not the real 1950s - the glorified images they've put into their brains based on TV shows and fractured memories. Mom, Dad, big brother, little sister, riding around in the family station wagon, dinner on the table at 5pm sharp, little league, apple pie, blah blah blah.
The Cold War doesn't exist in their memories. Neither does North Korea. Or the three (yes, three) recessions under Ike. Civil Rights? What were those? They sound as made up as rights for women.
Maybe he's right. Maybe if we stopped talking on the phone and just talked face to face things wouldn't be so bad in this country. What if Bush actually had to go to Iraq and talk with the people to get their views before invading? Then he would have known more than six weeks beforehand that there are actually three different sects within the country (he didn't know there were Kurds, Sunnis, and Shi'ites in January 2003). Or what would have happened if Conde Rice had actually gone into Lebanon last week as scheduled? I'm sure John Foster Dulles would have gone in there. If we had members of our intelligence agency actually go to Niger to find out if they were selling Saddam enriched uranium yellowcake then maybe we could have prevented the invasion for WMDs. (Oops - we did that - didn't matter.)
I hope by the end of the week Scott explains just what he's hoping to accomplish. I doubt very much that commuters sitting on the subway are going to start chatting because they don't have a blackberry to tell them the news of the day. Maybe Scott hopes that his children will race home from the swimming hole and throw their arms around him and sit and listen to Uncle Milty on the radio while they eat s'mores by the fireplace. Ah, those were the days.
Mind you, Scott Stantis is also the person who advocates punching someone in the face if you disagree with them. So maybe talking with him face to face isn't such a good idea. Unless you brace yourself for a sucker punch.
Posted by The Furnace at 07:25 AM | Comments (1)
April 01, 2006
Sand In The Cracks
Awwwww. That's supposed to be our reaction today's strip. Winslow for some reason owns a surfboard, but the surf's "not up" since 1) he's in a desert and 2) the only creek(?) he has access to is dry. It might have been cute if Stantis could have somehow tied this in to the whole Dubai Port deal ("Hey, I only bought the board after I found out we had ocean access"), but instead it's one of those "I get to dress up Winslow in pants!" strips.
Speaking of Mr. Stantis, lookie at what I got in the ol' email box today:
FROM: pricklycity@gmail.com
TO: thefurnace@shrubville.com
SUBJECT:
Dear Mr. The Furnace (if that is your REAL name):
This is Scott Stantis. No, it's not Toby, and it's not one of my many interns. I felt the need to address you personally since that's how you've been attacking me with your website, www.shrubville.com. At first I was flattered that you would take the time to critique Prickly City - as I've always said, it's nice to hear what the fans have to say about my work.
But your site goes too far. And I am asking you to cease and desist immediately. Now this isn't an official letter - if you choose to ignore my request though, my team of lawyers is drafting the letter as I type this. I would prefer it though not to come to that.
However I believe you have crossed some serious legal lines. You are using images of Carmen and Winslow on your site without my permission. You might call them satire and parody, but I will not allow you to have drawings of them done better than what I'm able to do on a daily basis on my strip. You might have time to craft perfectly drawn characters but I don't - I've got a life to live, losers.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to write Prickly City? I lay awake at nights thinking of ways to make fun of politics and try to have a political discourse with my faithful readers. My focus is on the writing, not trying to make my characters look perfect every single time. That would drive a normal cartoonist mad - ask any of them. But I'm sure you won't because you're too afraid to leave your parents' basement.
You're not funny. Sacki is insightful at times and I applaud his efforts to offer a sane counter to the unfunny rants of you and CJo. You want to know how I know I'M funny? Because I have a nationally syndicated comic strip. Sure, you'll say it's because I'm conservative. I say it's because I'm the funniest comic strip writer on the planet. And I have an army of followers who will back me up on that. What have you got, other than a blow-up girlfriend?
So as I said, please shut down Shrubville immediately or I will have no other choice than to send my trial lawyers after you. You might be the first to try and attack me and my conservative beliefs, and you won't be the last, but I'll make sure I use my money and resources to make sure the only freedom of speech around here is MINE.
Yours truly,
The funniest comic strip writer on the planet.
The Furnace here. I have only one thing to say in response to this rambling, non-sensical email:
April Fools!
Posted by The Furnace at 10:33 AM | Comments (3)March 11, 2006
Don't Forget The Bow Tie
What the heck am I supposed to do with this crap? Winslow uses staples to tie his bow tie. Hardy har...huh? It's the weekend - I was hoping that Winslow would have bought one of those battery-operated bow ties that spins in order to use it as a way to try and fly. No such luck - just lots of talk of band aids.
Since CJo and Sacki were lucky enough to get Josef Stalin to work with, it got me to thinking: who would have been a funnier choice that actually, you know, wore bow ties? Here are some suggestions:
Senator Paul Simon. My Senator from Illinois for many years, he was a great man that spoke verrrry sloooowly. While most will remember him for his bow tie, I'll always think of those gigantic ears of his. If Stantis had gone in this direction he could have made plenty of jokes about how Democrat Simon failed time and time again when running for President, but then he'd have to admit that Simon's protege', Barak Obama, has a really good chance to winning it all.
Al Franken as Senator Paul Simon. I'm surprised Stantis hasn't done more with Franken. Granted this is the only time Franken wears a bow tie, but still - the guy's a progressive, which means Stantis should want to take every opportunity to draw him as a fat slob even if he's not.
Louis Farrakhan. 'nuff said.
This guy from The Apprentice. I have no clue who he is since I never watched the show, but I guess he's running for Congress as a Republican. And let's face it - he TOTALLY looks like a guy that Carmen would crush on. As for the rest of us, is it just me or does looking at him on that website make you want to punch him in the bow tie?
In any event, there had to be somebody better than Josef Stalin to propel this week of silly strips all week long. At least Winslow finally got the bow tie to work - not let's just see if Stantis can staple some pants on the boy...
Posted by The Furnace at 09:42 AM | Comments (1)March 04, 2006
(Insert Wile E. Coyote Joke)
Winslow chases a bird off a cliff. Seriously, that's today's strip. He doesn't even try to fly - no flapping of the arms, no twitching of the ears - just runs straight off the edge. And it wasn't too long ago that Winslow was screaming, "AWWWW" at a bird because he was afraid it had the flu - now he's actually trying to race after one. I'm not sure what's worse, bad drawings of Howard Dean or non-sensical bird strips. Who am I kidding - they all suck.
What makes things worse is that two weeks ago there wasn't much going on to serve as fodder for this upcoming week. Cheney was still on the front pages as the cover up continued, and we had yet to find out that Bush was willing to put money over security with the UAE port deal. Maybe if we're lucky Stantis was running late and he can actually be a bit more timely and we can discover that somehow Prickly City has access to the ocean.
How bad is it going to be this weekend? I actually listened to another podcast. Toby reveals that he voted for Kerry and Stantis shares his man-love for Karl Rove. Oh and they make fun of how the cleaning lady looks. I'm still not sure why the podcast exists other than for Stantis to say, "Hey, did you listen to my podcast?" If Shrubville had a podcast, unfortunately this weekend we'd be as out of material as Stantis - but no cleaning lady to make fun of. At least the Sunday strip will be funny, right? Right?
February 09, 2006
Insert Beaver Joke Here
Sorry for the lateness of today's post, but Sacki was called to testify about the President's illegal wiretapping program so he's indisposed until this afternoon. At least that was his excuse - personally I think it's because there's little funny to mine from today's PC.
In case you missed it, apparently a few weeks back the Canadians voted in the Conservatives to take over after a lengthy period under Liberal rule. Although looking at that funky chart those wacky Canadians are all goofy - they've got like FOUR political parties? What the hell is that all about? Don't they know it's only supposed to be good vs. evil? It's probably because half of them speak French.
Personally I stopped paying attention to Canada when the NHL went on strike. Apparently like the Conservatives the NHL is back too, but does anybody really care at this point?
So I guess in Stantis's mind this makes the Canadians "cool" in his book - not like those lousy stinky smelly liberals in Vermont. Yeah, that's right, Stantis brings up Canadians TO TAKE A SHOT AT HOWARD DEAN. Dude, just give it a rest already. If you keep bringing up Dean some of us are going to start to wonder if you have a big man crush on the guy or something.
I wonder if Stantis realizes that there's a movement in Vermont to become an independent state once again. They should be so lucky to pull that off. Maybe they'd offer universal healthcare, which was the only thing that interested me about moving to Canada.
Oh, and yeah, Stantis introduces a Beaver to the pantheon of Prickly Cit characters. Although the thing looks like a sabretooth tiger with those buck teeth. I don't expect him back anytime soon, unless Stantis hates hockey too. Or maybe has a personal problem with the maple syrup industry.
And finally, Stantis does it again - the punchline about regime change is spoken by Winslow. WTF? Dammit Sacki, hurry back and explain to me why Winslow would be the one saying that regime change begins at home in Vermont. Egad, why couldn't we just get another day of Stantis whipping out his dick at NOW? He could have still used the beaver as a prop (think about it - it'll make sense later).
January 10, 2006
"Bite My Shiny Metal Ass"
Awww, poor Scotty Stantis is afraid of the big bad boogeyman: technology. With everything phones can do today (take pictures, play music - heck, play videos), then we as a nation are sure to ignore each other and become isolated hermits who only live for our new scientific gizmos. Next thing you know, we'll have suicide machines on every corner and floozy-bots.
I'm sure Scooter would prefer to go back to the 1950s like all good Republicans. A simpler time, when everyone went to church and mom wore pearls when she vacuumed and the Red Menace was knocking on our door. Instead, thanks to our damn phones, nobody goes to church, mommy and daddy live in separate houses, and terrorists are trying to kill us in our sleep with dirty bombs.
But how could this happen??? How could the intelligent designer let us devolve (or is it evolve?) to such a point? Unless, of course, he really is God and wants us to steamroll our way to The Rapture so his Son can return. And see how lonely we are, making sweet love to our phones.
Of course Stantis forgets the simple reason phones exist, which is to communicate with one another. Which keeps us from being lonely. Yeah, we can do all these nifty things with our cellulars when we're bored, but if someone really is alone odds are he's at home downloading porn, not talking on the phone. I'll bet Stantis was the one bitching about everyone else having an Atari when he was a kid - because he didn't have one himself.
Don't fear the future, Scotty. Embrace it. Buy yourself one of those fancy schmancy phones. Get ready to take the next step in our evolutionary process, if you will. And if you're lucky, there might just be a sex bot willing to wear hip-huggers and thongs waiting for you.
Posted by The Furnace at 09:39 AM | Comments (1)December 27, 2005
Super-Sighs It
So what did Prickly City get us for X-mas? The same old Scott Stantis half-ass comic strip, complete with four panels of Winslow and Carmen sitting in one position, four panels of Winslow sighing, and a final joke about how Winslow is sad that he didn't get a monkey for Christmas. It's probably for the best since I doubt PETA would have approved.
Since Scooter decided to phone it in today, it's time once again for Shrubville's "You Write the Punchline!" Granted "monkey" isn't all that bad, but I thought PC was supposed to be a forum for political comedy. So looking back on the year in politics, what else could have Stantis used in this week's punchline? Please use the comments section to offer up your own suggestions. Also keep in mind that they don't have to be funny - because lord knows we don't hold Scott Stantis to that high of a standard.
"Winslow, you didn't really think you were getting _________ for Christmas, did you?!?"
- a date with Conde
- a nomination to the Supreme Court
- a ride on a wrecking ball
- a deferment from serving in the military
- hot sex with MAnn Coulter
- wings (yeah, I know, that one's kinda sappy - but it is Christmas time, after all)
November 27, 2005
The Whole Shebang
If ever there was a single panel comic that summed up all of my frustrations with Prickly City, this is it.
Here's the basic gag: Winslow is fishing - in the desert. In a dry gully. Yet he's somehow catching real fish. He tells a disbelieving Carmen, "You gotta have faith!"
This strip is completely nonsensical on so many levels I don't know where to start. But I'm going to try.
- Let's start small. I've always picked on Stantis for his less-than-adequate drawing skills. But today is an exceptional example. He throws in the stereotypical steer skull to remind the reader that we're in the desert - yet it's smaller than Winslow's head. It must be one of those mini-bulls I've heard so much about. Maybe those are the ones White Castle uses to make their hamburgers.
Off in the distance, we see something purple - and honestly, I have no clue what it's supposed to be. It's kind of square, with green stuff on it, and at first I thought it was an outhouse. Maybe that's because every time I look at this strip I want to take a dump.
Then we have a blimp(?!) floating along the skyline. Is it supposed to be symbolic of something? Stantis has written, "P.C." on it, so maybe he's reminding his dumber readers what they're reading.
"Hey Ma, what's the name of that stupid comic we read that trashes dem damn liberal treehuggers."
"I think it's called Marmaduke."
"No, the one with the little cat and his colored friend."
"I dunno, look for a blimp with the initials on it - that should tell you."
- Then we have Stantis's just-plain-weird sky. On the left, the sun. On the right - in the same sky - we have Saturn(?!) and what I think is the moon but if it was made out of cheese and someone took a huge bite out of the top of it. Oh, and there's a RAINBOW. BY THE PLANETS, NOT THE SUN. And there's only one tiny little cloud that could never create a rainbow. 'scuze me while my head explodes.
- And finally, Winslow and Carmen. I really wish Stantis would realize that his characters need to, you know, STAY IN CHARACTER. Winslow is supposed to be a damn dirty liberal. Carmen is the god-fearing, W worshipping (and those are interchangeable) neo-con. So why on god's brown earth is Winslow the one catching fish in a dry river bed? Isn't that something Jesus would do? Isn't Carmen the one that's supposed to have faith?
Of course Stantis does this because it's cuter if the coyote pup does all the wacky things while the little girl is the realist. But it just doesn't make any sense to me. It would be like Teddy Kennedy arguing that huge statues with the ten commandments on them should be put inside nativity scenes that are built right into courtrooms next to where the judge sits and demands everyone praise god before they give testimony. It don't make no sense.
So what do I take away from today's strip? I mean other than a headache?
Winslow is Jesus.
He has the power to create fish. He can summon the sun, the moon, the stars, and even a rainbow to occupy his sky. He can command a blimp to float nearby to advertise a city that we've never really ever seen. And he can make weird purple-green things jut out of the ground.
In the name of Winslow Christ our Lord we pray...Amen.
Posted by The Furnace at 09:06 AM | Comments (1)October 01, 2005
Awwwwwwwww
It really is a Very Special Week at Prickly City, as Carmen and Wilson - even though they hate each other's ideas and politics - still like each other. And that's what god EXPECTS of them.
Altogether now: projectile vomit.
Nah, I'm sorry - it's only fitting that Scott wrap up an unfunny storyline with a sappy sweet ending. It's not like we expect him to be humorous.
I wonder though if god expects us to have a 12.7% poverty level under Godboy George W. Bush (that's 37 million people living in poverty for you who aren't into percentages). Or for families to not have their median income rise for five straight years under Dubya. Or for 45.8 million Americans to not have healthcare under Jesus's Favorite President.
So tell me, my Religious Right brothers and sisters, are these the "good Christian values" God EXPECTS from us?
Sorry, guess I'm not very good at the whole sappy thing like Mr. Morality, Scott Stantis.
Posted by The Furnace at 08:06 AM | Comments (0)September 08, 2005
He Used To Drive That Blue Car
Nincompoop.
Stalinist.
Fascist.
Stalinist fascist.
Stupid girl lover.
When you get around to playing the at-home version of America's favorite comic-strip board game, PC2K5, feel free to liven up the chatter by throwing around a few of these lovely names. If, of course, you're lucky enough to have been able to get to play the Carmen character. (Supplies needed: cooked spaghetti for your hair, fried bologna for the lips, a frying pan for the forehead and a pocketful of hate for those whose ideologies you disagree with.) It's akin to being the wheelbarrow in Monopoly - everybody wants to play as the wheelbarrow, but only the lucky one can.
Or perhaps, as second choice of course, you get to play as Winslow. All you need to do is wear some sort of magical article of clothing or possibly a piece of jewelry that you can attach some significance to by claiming some dead & bearded philosopher/prophet gave mystical powers to. You know, like a Che shirt or possibly a necklace with a cross attached to it or...what? Am I still talking about Winslow?
I'm a bit confused, I must confess. All this time, I was under the impression that Carmen was on the side of worshipping radicals from long ago who convinced large groups of people to follow their wacky ideas. So look out, Andre The Giant. Carmen doesn't care how big you are or whether you have a posse, and I fear she's not afraid to use a thimble to take you out.
Posted by Sacki at 09:40 AM | Comments (1)September 01, 2005
Just Like Pagliacci Did
If I did not know better (and it is no certainty that I do, in fact, know better), if I had just come to this strip today without any background information on the characters of Prickly City, I would think that Winslow is a female. Due to some cosmic karmic quirk, it turns out that I do find myself having a knowledge of these animated characters and their daily activities - with the assistance of the extensive notes and rumors here at Shrubville, of course. (Thanks to the rumor bin on January 12, 2005, we now know that it is almost certain that an apt anagram for Scott Stantis is "scat snot tits" and that The Prickly City is merely "cry hick pettily" rearranged, words that truly make sense if you have continued your education past 7th grade, which unfortunately I did not, so that those words make no sense at all to me and that is why I am reading comics, because the pictures are neato.)
However, if I did not have that information available to me, and was not aware that Winslow is a coyote pup of the male variety while I was reading this week's series over a steaming hot cup of Costa Rican coffee - presumably out of a cup large enough to hold 4 days' worth of coffee, as here we are on the 4th day of this storyline and apparently I've had only one cup, not to mention the fact that it's still steaming, so it seems that this magical cup can maintain heat for extended periods, also (note to self: dispose of all other cups)-if not for that fact, I would certainly think that Winslow is a bitch.
All of this should come as no surprise to longtime P.C. readers, however. It was earlier this year in one of his rare appearances that Dio, in a speech to Carmen, prophesied this precise event.("Before you shall cry twice, he will laugh at you thrice.") And when she thought thereupon, she wept. For the second time, obviously.
Posted by Sacki at 09:58 AM | Comments (2)August 27, 2005
Kids These Days
(And yes, for those of you wondering why I always put up just the link instead of the fancy schmancy "Today's Strip" like CJo, I am an idiot when it comes to the internet.)
There's nothing like wide open spaces. I'm sure that's why W chose Idaho for his vacation from his vacation - to ride his bike in the big wide open spaces where there's miles and miles of nothing. It gives him plenty of time to ponder what he's going to eat that night, thinking to himself, "I like toast."
Scott Stantis too loves the open space - hence why half of his strips seem to feature a blank panel or two instead of witty insights. Today's no exception - the middle of the strip is nothing but white - clean, pure white. It's pretty in a "I'm a half-assed cartoonist and I don't get paid by the drawing, so screw you" kind of way.
As for the strip, I'm reminded of the fact that I don't have children. I miss out on the little things - like watching your kid take his first steps or ride a bike for the first time. There's this encouragement after they barely do something for the first time - and then disappointment after they keep failing over and over again. But someday, that kid is going to accomplish his goals, because they'll grow as a person.
I'd like to think of Scooter as my child. Every week I see him trying - like taking his first steps or putting those training wheels to good use. And at first he seems to have it - setting up a punchline that might actually lead somewhere. And I encourage him: "Come on Scotty, now give me a funny out! You can do it, buddy! I know you can!"
Like today - Carmen wonders why kids are so fat. We all know what's coming - Winslow will be eating fast food while playing video games. "Come on Scott - you're almost there - pedal harder - you've got it boy..."
Then comes the punchline: Lard Blaster 3.0.
And my heart sinks, and the bike goes tumbling into the ditch.
Just another day trying to raise a child in the 2000s.
August 26, 2005
Don't Cry for Me, Prickly City
Stantis chooses to go out with a whimper instead of a bang in this week's Prickly City. Channeling the dramedy of such classics as "Doogie Howser, MD." and "Hooperman," Scott leaves us with a tear in our eye instead of a belly laugh (not that he's ever left us with a laugh before, but you know what I mean).
In response to Winslow calling her "porky" yesterday, Carmen yells back the whole "sticks and stones" thing. Then after standing around, she sheds a tear - because, you know, words really can hurt.
At least I think it's a tear - the way Stantis draws, it looks like she's got a second set of lips.
But I wonder if this means Stantis has finally realized that every time he calls a political opponent a name that it could really hurt their feelings. Does this mean he'll never call Michael Moore fat again? Or Howard Dean crazy? Of course not. But it's fun to dream.
Oh and today's strip never directly reference's this week's storyline, so look for Scooter to reuse it again in the future when he can't come up with anything else for the day. At least it'll be easier to use than eminent domain "jokes."
August 25, 2005
My Mother Says I'm Big Boned
Winslow calls Carmen different fat names. She gets mad, ties him up like a G'itmo prisoner, and he yells after her not to blame him when she fails as a starlet because she's fat. Or something like that.
How Stantis fails to make some of this stuff funny is beyond me. How do you screw up fat jokes? And does anyone call overweight people "porky" anymore? Maybe somebody needs to buy Scooter a copy of the book "Yo Mamma Is So Fat...and Other Comedic Bon Mots."
Personaly, I wonder what Stantis WON'T be covering over the next few weeks because he won't want to make fun of them:
- President Bush's approval level down to where Nixon - the most unpopular president ever - was at during Watergate
- Rush Limbaugh smearing the mother of a dead solder, then claiming the very next day that he NEVER said that
- Pat Robertson encouraging the murder of the democratically-elected Venezuelan president because, you know, he has oil but he doesn't like us
- Pat Robertson then claiming the very next day that he NEVER said that
Oh, and what are the numbers on Stantis working in a Michael Moore joke before the end of this storyline? Because, you know, he's "porky."
August 24, 2005
CJo Held Hostage, Day Three: Mirth N' Girth
No folks, I'm not talking about the controversial portrait of Chicago Mayor Harold Washington, the one that caused former alderman, Black Panther and current U.S. Representative Bobby Rush to violate an artist's First, Fourth and Fourteenth Amendment rights. Why would I want to bring that up? I'm not here to talk about the abuses of liberty the liberals claim (emptily) to defend. Nor am I talking about any sort of slap and tickle position that I'd like to share with you.
I'm here at Shrubville to talk about the delightful 3-panel Prickly City strip in today's newspaper, available at fine bookstores and newstands near you. The minimalism - do you see it? It's all there in black and white. Spare dialogue and excess wit. No Jerry Bruckheimer-produced color necessary. No, my friends, if this were a movie, this would be "Modern Times", taking a bite out of society, a society that's gone increasingly fat, limp and stale, their hearts and waistlines growing ever bigger and more likely to explode, their hair falling out due to poor circulation, the sight of their feet a mere memory from bygone days of youth when they could see anything lower than their beltbuckle, a beltbuckle also being a distant image from the past, as now there are no belt buckles big enough to fit and they must wear suspenders, if those are indeed even necessary seeing how even the slackest pair of trousers gives a snug fit to their ever increasing girth. But hey, at least fat people are jolly.
Posted by Sacki at 09:21 AM | Comments (1)August 23, 2005
The Hunger
CJo picked a great week to go on vacation. Personally, I say we board up the joint like Stantis and just re-run strips from back in May. Instead I suppose Sacki and I can trudge forward and make the master proud.
But then I read today's strip. According to Scooter half the country is fat, the other half has an eating disorder - what does that say about a country with too much food? Winslow can't answer because he's filling his face with munchies.
I suppose I could be Captain Bringdown and talk about how millions of kids go hungry here in the United States each year, and it's not so much an eating disorder as they can't afford food. But no - Scott's got a decent set up for a joke and an actual punchline, so I'll let it slide today.
Besides, CJo's gone so it's not like he can tell me to go to bed without dinner tonight.
picture courtesy of JB