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January 11, 2009
Mindfreak (featuring Dio)
I have a few theories on how the conservative brain works differently than other brains. For example, I've mentioned before that conservatives seem to have the amazing ability to hold two completely opposite beliefs at the same time and never realize that they're diametrically opposed to each other. That's why my conservative friend Mel can rant and rave against universal healthcare because it would be run by the government, but quickly admits he'd let his child go to public schools.
Another theory is that conservatives think one way on an issue when it affects someone else, but they change their tune if they're doing the suffering. For Mel it was his hatred of universal healthcare, until his stepdaughter was in the hospital and he saw how expensive it was going to be, and when his grandmother's medicaid ran out and the hospital wanted to kick her out. Then he was all in favor of fixing the health industry.
Then there's the third theory, or the Buckley Theorem. That's the one that says that conservatives leap to the worst possible extreme conclusion in order to make their point. William F. used to love to say that if gay people got married, then we'd have men marrying animals. Another thing we heard all the time was if we don't invade Iraq and kill al Qaeda (yeah, I know), then Osama will take over America and declare himself our new president and rape all our women all at once. Oh, and did you hear the one about how Obama will make us a Muslim country and rape all our white women (cuz he's black) if he gets elected? For many conservatives there are no shades of gray - if you let X (whatever they don't like) happen, then it's the end of the world.
Like Stephen Colbert says, conservatives think from the gut, not from the head. And that's why Scott Stantis does such a great job of summing up the conservative mindset today. Prickly City is hit by a massive blizzard. Time passes, the snow melts, and we see the frozen, dead carcass of Winslow holding a sign that once said "Stop Global Warming."
Deep breath. Yeah, I know it hurts the brain, but let's check out how awful this really is.
For starters, I'm guessing Stantis heard about the snow storm that hit New Orleans in December, hence this strip. So it makes perfect sense for him to have a blizzard hit the desert. Because in his mind, "global warming" means one thing and one thing only: the globe getting warm, and that's the ONLY thing it could mean because if global warming does happen, the ONLY outcome is that things get warmer (and gays will marry sheep). Forget the little things like how the rising temperature will have unpredictable effects on the atmosphere as a whole, resulting in freak flooding in Seattle and Chicago in the middle of winter. Or how here in northern Illinois we now regularly have 30 and 40 degree swings in temperature (yesterday it was 30, Tuesday we're supposed to be near zero - and that's happened a half dozen times since Thanksgiving).
So a blizzard hitting a southern state isn't proof that global warming is a real threat - the fact that the temperature returned to normal levels and melted the snow is proof that global warming is a good thing since it (eventually) warms things up. Got that?
A simple strip to sum up the simple yet convoluted mindset of a conservative. Global warming is a myth - unless it melts a freak blizzard, and if that happens then it's a good thing. It comes pretty close to featuring all three of my conservative mind theories:
1. Two opposite beliefs held at the same time? Apparently global warming doesn't exist because there was a blizzard, but the snow did melt so maybe global warming is real - which is a good thing since it makes us warm. Check.
2. They think one way until it effects them personally? I'm guessing Scotty had to shovel some snow when that storm hit last month, inspiring this strip. There's also a chance of snow there this week.
3. If something they don't like happens then the world will come to an end? Well considering Winslow is DEAD at the end of this strip, I'm thinking that yeah, Stantis went a little far to show how much he hates Al Gore for suggesting global warming is a real threat.
But while Winslow might be dead, and least Dio has returned from the grave to offer up the punchline. Nothing like having a character we haven't seen in months show up for a one time strip about global warming. 9 more days...
Comments
Просто восхитительно!
Posted by: Dreseepop at January 12, 2009 04:32 AM
I hate to break it to you Furnace but this one is a rerun, dating back to the first year of PC. Dio isn't back from the grave and Stantis isn't referencing any recent snowstorms -- this is the conservative position on global warming, circa 2005, pure 'n simple.
Posted by: Snowman at January 12, 2009 08:48 PM
