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July 13, 2008
You Know What I Hate? Prickly City.
Back during my favorite period of SNL, Billy Crystal and Christopher Guest played two characters named Willie and Frankie. They were night watchmen at various places, and when they crossed paths during their rounds they would talk about the painful things they had done to themselves, then complain about it. The skits are known as "You Know What I Hate?" Here's a sample:
Frankie: You know what I hate?
Willie: What?
Frankie: I go into the kitchen, I open the drawer, you know?
Willie: Uh huh?
Frankie: And I take out a, uh--
Willie: Carrot scraper?
Frankie: Right. And I stick it up my nose, you know, and I'm rootin' it around, and, you know, gettin' all the mucus membranes out o' there, you know? And then I take one o' them, uh--?
Willie: Mentholated eucalyptus cough drops?
Frankie: Right. And I stick it-- wedge it up there, you know? I take a couple o' whiffs, boy. Heh, ya feel like your head's gonna explode.
Scott Stantis would have fit in perfectly with Willie and Frankie. Like today's strip - he's once again bitching and moaning about how the campaign lasts months and months. A guy who MAKES HIS LIVING talking about politics is now going to complain that the media spends its time talking about the quest to be president. I can just picture it now...
Scottie: You know what I hate?
Frankie: What's that?
Scottie: I get paid to do this comic strip, you know? So I have to introduce a new character. One of those uh -
Willie: Armadillos?
Scottie: Right. And so I have him become the campaign finance manager for the coyote I got running for president. But I don't know what to do with him, so I have him uh -
Frankie: Buy several gallons of gasoline and matches and have him threaten to set himself on fire?
Scottie: You got it. Hoo boy, that was painful (for my readers). But you know what I really hate?
Willie: What?
Scottie: This presidential campaign of ours. I mean, I had to have that coyote start running for president last April!
Frankie: You had to have him do that?
Scottie: Well, I mean, I guess I didn't HAVE to have him to do that, but I write a political comic strip.
Willie: If you don't like writing about politics, then why do you have a political comic strip?
Scottie: I like writing about politics, just not all the time. I mean, in England their campaign only lasts a month.
Frankie: So you're saying you'd rather we go back to being like the British.
Scottie: Exactly.
Willie: You know what I hate?
Frankie: What's that?
Willie: I hate Republicans who whine and complain that elections in our country last a long time, when they're the ones who spent the last 8 years not just ruining our country, but politicizing every part of our government so we don't have a choice but to campaign all year long.
Frankie: Yeah, I hate that too.
Hey Scottie - nobody's saying you have to write about politics. I'm sure there are a few night watchmen jobs opening up that you'd be perfect for - just quit and enjoy whining about politics on your own time and quit wasting ours.
