« December 2007 | Main | February 2008 »
January 31, 2008
Public Enemy starring Scott Stantis
There you go with that wishing stuff again, Sacki! I wish you was a wishing well so I could tie a bucket to 'ya and sink 'ya! [Shoves grapefruit into Sacki's delicate puss.]
You might be interested to note that besides Wishing Wells, there are a number of other remarkable coincidences between Terence Trent D'Arby and James Cagney...
Both men were born in Manhattan.
Cagney died in March (1986).
D'Arby was born in March (1962).
D'Arby served in the Army.
Cagney starred in the disturbingly patriotic "Yankee Doodle Dandy."
Cagney had a secretary named D'Arby.
D'Arby had a secretary named Cagney.
D'Arby's ancestors may have had difficulty voting up until the Voting
Rights Act of 1965 (especially in Birmingham, AL, home of Scott Stantis), and now that's fodder for a Prickly City gag.
Cagney's ancestors could always vote.
Anyway, hilarious strip today, Stantis. Keep up the great work.
January 30, 2008
Introducing The Handjob According To...
Don't deny, accuse or cry.
Wish me luck wishing well,
A wishing well of crocodile tears.
January 29, 2008
Hand Job
Before I hurt my brain and try to make heads or tails of what Stantis is doing this week, check out Winslow's paw/hand in panel 3. Not only is that the worst hand ever drawn (or maybe it's a rooster head, or a mini-turkey?), but it's got five fingers: meaning it IS a hand. Yet the entire strip this week is talking about how Winslow is a canine and a coyote, which means he has paws - which have four toes, not five.
Worst. Comic Strip. Ever.
As for the storyline, Stantis has lost me. Last summer Winslow was the frontrunner, winning the Prickly City primary. He skipped Iowa and got blown out. He spent one day in New Hampshire - to concede since he once again got blown out. He hasn't done anything since then other than take a vacation. But now suddenly Hillary is attacking him as if he's the frontrunner again?
I understand that this is a take off on the "Billary" racial comments. (Aside: at first I thought the media was blowing it out of proportion, but then Bubba had to get pissed at that reporter asking why it was taking two of them to beat Obama and he pulled the "well Jesse Jackson won in South Carolina twice" card and that was crossing the line in my book). But if Stantis is going to tackle these kinds of things, why did he spend so much time making Winslow look like a complete loser who has zero chance of winning?
This is part of Stantis' problem. He thinks so little of liberals and is so blinded by his man-crush on George W. Bush and the Republicans that he can't help but make Winslow look foolish every chance he can. But in doing so he makes him so lame as a character that nobody can buy stuff like this week's storyline. Maybe if Winslow really was competitive - because the entire Democratic field is so weak could be the Republican reasoning - then it would make sense to have Hillary attack him. But she does it because of some stupid punchline about Winslow biting her? Come on.
It's just more lame and lazy writing from Stantis. But I think it gives some keen insight into how messed up conservative thinking is. Liberals are so weak and ineffectual they can't win anything - yet how is it they beat the conservatives in 2006 and are on track to blow them out in 2008? Ah see, a real conservative comic strip writer with some balls would realize that the real comedy is making fun of how weak the Republican field is and actually offering something constructive and funny instead of trying to have it both ways when attacking the Democrats.
But not our Stantis. Just slap a podium up there and only draw half of Winslow's head (no need to show his screaming mouth then), throw up the worst hand ever, and end it with a play on words about dogs biting and call it a day. No wonder the country is in such bad shape - idiots like this have been running things for far too long.
Posted by The Furnace at 09:43 AM | Comments (4)January 28, 2008
Edition: Early
Antenora wins this month's Early Edition Award as the commenter most likely to have received today's paper on Saturday.
Antenora on 1/26/08 at 2:12 PM:
This is a little off-topic, but I've been wondering: Are talking animals like Winston a common, accepted occurence in the Prickly City universe? If so, what's their relation to human society and the rest of the animal kingdom? No one seems to comment much about the mere fact of a sentient coyote running for President, and there's a lot of untapped humor potential here-- such as coyote pundits wondering if Winston is "canine enough", and a furor erupting when he displays canine-esque signs of emotion(such as whimpering) on camera.
And lo and BEHOLD: today Stantis played the dog card. Well done.
I used to fancy myself as Shrubville's Kyle Chandler: boyishly handsome, handsomely boyish, avid Sun-Times subscriber, time-traveler, destined to coach H.S. football in Texas. (Sacki, obviously, is the blind African American woman and The Furnace is Fisher Stevens. [As an aside, while reviewing Fisher Steven's oeuvre, I notice he played 'Carlos Delgado' in 1986's 'The Boss' Wife.' Fisher Stevens might be a fine actor ([stress on *might*]), but that's a huuuuuuge goddamned stretch. For Fisher Stevens. The Furnace could play the role of Carlos Delgado without a problem. And, in fact, he has played Carlos Delgado. On the softball fields of Chicago.]
Anyway, today I hand over the Kyle Chandler keys to Antenora. Use them wisely, my friend. Only for good. Never for picking up chicks.
Posted by CJo at 09:54 AM | Comments (4)January 27, 2008
Shorter Stantis: Prayer Is Worthless
Uh oh. Scott Stantis is getting all philosophical on us again. And in doing so, seems to be dismissing pretty much every form of organized religion out there.
Did you know that Carmen/Stantis thinks the only way you can talk to God is to die? Gee, our own President might disagree with that, seeing as how God apparently told Bush that it was fine and dandy to invade Iraq. I'm sure all those people that see God in things like tortillas and oil stains are going to be disappointed as well.
This strip is such a mess. It starts with Winslow saying he's not going to die, and Carmen telling him he has no choice. Winslow wants to lodge a complaint, and Carmen says the only way to do that is to die. Then there's the bizarre final panel. Mind you, the discussion Carmen and Winslow are having is why Winslow has to die.
Winslow: The answer to the great cosmic question is basically an automated answering machine?
Carmen: Press one to return to the main menu.
Um, what?
Does anybody else think this last panel was meant for another strip on another topic and Stantis accidentally included it in this one? Because to me, the "great cosmic question" isn't "why do I have to die?" but simply "why?" or "why are we here?" Maybe selfish people like Stantis think the most important question in the world is why they can't die whenever they want, but I don't think priests and monks pursue their calling to God to find out "why can't I live forever?"
On top of that, I really don't understand what Stantis is trying to say. So death is the equivalent of an answering machine? Huh? Maybe I'm missing something there. But apparently Stantis is having a crisis of faith right now, since he doesn't think prayer will put him in touch with the Big Guy and answer some of his questions, like "why do I suck so much?"
Oh, and why does Carmen have a magazine in the first few panels?
Worst. Comic Strip. In the World.
January 26, 2008
Two Characters/One Bad Comic Strip Writer
Who exactly is Stantis supposed to be making fun of this week? I still haven't figured it out. The crying stuff was Hillary - I get that. But the change stuff could have been any of the presidential candidates - they've all been saying it lately (although odds are Stantis was going after Obama, but if you've watched the debates all of the Republicans claimed they were really the change candidate - while endorsing almost all of Bush's policies).
Then there's today. Vulnerable/strong is probably another dig at Hillary. But two Americas/one country? Edwards is the one who's been talking about there being two Americas - and that's a BAD THING. He's not endorsing a rich/poor society, which seems to be what the Republicans are all in favor of having. Yet Winslow seems to be pushing for it for some bizarre reason. Then there's closed borders/open arms. This is a rip on the Republicans, right? They're the ones who want it both ways on immigration. I haven't heard any of the Democrats talk about closing the borders, and the Republicans are the ones who desperately tried to make this an issue. So is Stantis trying to make fun of both the Democrats and the Republicans, or is he just grabbing issues out of the air and trying to pin them all of the Dems? Probably the latter, but who knows when you're dealing with someone who would fail sixth grade English.
It still cracks me up that Stantis has Carmen go from demanding campaign manager to innocent bystander in the blink of an eye. Today she's the wise observer, telling us what we all already know - because she's just that brilliant. Ah yes, the innocence of a child - who was running a national campaign for president. God does Stantis suck.
Do politicians talk out of both sides of their mouths? Yup. And I guess this wouldn't be a bad strip if it made any sense to me. Don't set up Winslow as a Democrat running for office and then have him act like a Republican half the time. Either make Carmen run and have her say half the things Winslow is saying today and bring in a third person to point out the duplicity in what they're both saying, or just make fun of the Dems with Winslow. It's really not that hard if you actually make an effort to make sense, Stantis. Maybe you should actually try earning that paycheck instead of living off the wingnut welfare all of you conservatives are getting nowadays. Or we're going to have to sacrifice another liberal strip to get you off the comic pages.
January 25, 2008
Change is Gonna Come
You know who's gonna love this strip? Shrubville's very own Sacki.
As you know, Sacki is my internet colleague. But sometimes we talk outside the crazy go-go world of Shrubville. In fact, just the other day he was workshopping with me some of his stand-up material for his next gig at Zanies (Vernon Hills).
Sacki: What's the deal with Bearack [sic] Obama?
CJo: Well, he's running for the Democratic nomination for President...
Sacki: He is? I thought that with his coinbelt and his constant harping about "change" that he was running for Metra-Conductor-in-Chief.
CJo: [Silence.]
Sacki: Er...Um... I thought he was running for Au-Pair-in-Chief for all his talk about "change."
CJo: [Confused Look.]
Sacki: As in "changing diapers."
CJo: [Silence.]
Sacki: Er...Um...It's like he's working at Jiffy Lube with all his talk of "change" every 2,000 miles.
CJo: [Leaves room.]
*******************************
Will the Zanies (Vernon Hills) crowd have the same sense of humor as Sacki and Scott Stantis? There is, alas, only one way to find out: Go to Zanies (Vernon Hills) this Saturday night for 'Open Mic Night' and look for Sacki. He'll be wearing a red coat that says "Valet." If you tip him right he might just mutter a joke under his breath. Bring your spare change.
Posted by CJo at 07:56 AM | Comments (3)January 24, 2008
Running To Stand Still
There are some Democratic voters who may opt for the son of the red hill mining town. There are some who -- with or without you -- will support the candidate who attempts to trip through your wires. And there are some who see one tree hill, shining like a lone beacon of light, and will support that candidate where the streets have no name.
And there are some Republican voters who may opt for all those dollars bills, slapping 'em down, ONE HUNDRED [heavy breath] TWO HUNDRED [heavy breath], while bullets rain down the blue sky. Others may opt for the best representative of, in, or around God's Country, the mothers of the disappeared.
However, Winslow is now running as a Third Party candidate. He's reaching out to those voters who still haven't found what they're looking for.
Exit. Stage left.
Posted by CJo at 09:33 AM | Comments (5)January 23, 2008
Faiku #10: Flame On, Flamers
Scorpion fans unite:
Power ballad being
Misappropriated.
January 22, 2008
Carmen Just Now Figures This Out?
Oh great - another example of why Prickly City needs a third character. Wouldn't Carmen, who's desperate for Winslow to do well in the polls, be happy with his show of emotion so he can connect with the audience? Heck, all of the talking heads are saying that's the only reason Hillary won New Hampshire. Instead, she points out that he shouldn't show his human side because he's not human.
Hmm, don't you have to be human to be president? God, this strip sucks.
What else to say about this trainwreck? At least if Dio or some other character (how about the guy at the campaign office?) was saying Carmen's lines today it would make sense. But for Carmen to do it at a time when she's been begging for him to do anything to win this race goes to show how pathetic this strip is.
I mean look at that second panel. Carmen acts like she's seeing Winslow for the very first time, and as some innocent bystander who hasn't been around for the entire campaign she's pointing out the obvious about Winslow being a cat - er, I mean a coyote. Why not have it be some other kid, or some random voter, or even Shelly the Turtle? Don't throw the ONE PERSON IN THE ENTIRE CITY whose been along for this ride from the beginning to make this point. Otherwise, she looks even more stupid for supporting this candidacy in the first place.
Sorry, I'm just rambling at this point. Stantis is going to milk this supposed crying jag from Hillary all week long, and it's just going to get worse. Oh - wait - didn't Britney get carted off in an ambulance a few weeks ago? Gee, something else to look forward to this week in the worst comic strip in the world.
January 21, 2008
The Tracks of My Tears
As predicted by anyone who is anyone in Prickly City Prognostication Circles, Stantis references Hillary Clinton's "tears" in New Hampshire which "helped" her "win" the Primary in an amazing "comeback."
I was tired and bored of today's strip when we all envisioned it coming two weeks ago.
For the sake of Shrubville and, in fact, humanity-at-large, please support Barack Obama in your state's primary
If Hillary Clinton is the nominee we will have to endure a daily dose of Scott's limp-dick, bitter hatred.
************************
And another MLK Day goes by without mention in Prickly City.
Posted by CJo at 08:33 AM | Comments (5)January 20, 2008
The Other Dinosaurs: Our "Liberal" Media
The dinosaur is back. Or maybe this is Stantis' attempt at imagining what the monster from Cloverfield looks like (this isn't it - but the monster that rips the head off the Statue of Liberty is pretty cool). I'm not really sure why Carmen would be surprised to get a dinosaur for a late Christmas present - wasn't she there when they were born last summer? Oh well, I guess this is what passes for continuity in the world of Prickly City.
Instead of talking about how lame PC has been lately, let's talk about how lame our "liberal" media has been while talking about the presidential campaign. Thanks to our wonderful DC insider talking heads, this is what I know about the campaign:
- The presidential campaign is just like a sporting event. Example: CNN's weekend coverage is called "Ballot Bowl 2008." No, that's not a joke.
- John McCain is a god. Maybe not THE God, but a god. He is teh awesome. Even though only a few months ago his campaign was dead, he was broke, and he was dropping out. Guess having a Mormon, an adulterer, and an Evangelical as your most viable candidates changes things. Even if McCain is also an admitted adulterer.
- There are only two viable Democratic candidates, but all of the Republicans have a shot (except Ron Paul).
- Who is this "John Edwards" that keeps showing up in the graphics? According to the media, he shouldn't exist. Nobody wants to vote for a guy who is against lobbyists and corporations. Doesn't he realize that they run the country?
- Everything is a good thing for the Guiliani campaign. Even when he comes in behind Fred Thompson. In every race.
- Mitt Romney winning in Michigan and Nevada isn't as important as John McCain eeking out a win in South Carolina. Never mind that Romney is actually leading all Republicans in the delegate count. Nobody can stop St. McCain.
- Somehow Hillary won Nevada, but Obama won more delegates. But the media doesn't have time to explain to me why that's the case. Something about culinary workers and rural areas. Run along, little voter - nothing for you to try and understand here.
- Women only vote for Hillary because she's a woman, and Chris Matthews was mean to her.
- Black people only vote for Obama because he's black.
- Hispanic people voted for Hillary in Nevada because...well, they haven't figured that out yet.
- Evangelicals vote for Huckabee because he's one of them (but the media refused to cover his saying that the Constitution needs to be rewritten according to God's word - had to find that myself on the internets).
- Guiliani's going to win this. Just you watch. Especially when he wins in Florida, which will magically erase the results from the previous five states.
- Why won't John Edwards drop out already??? He's not Hillary or Obama!
- Mitt Romney is an inconvenient candidate. He should bow down to St. McCain, like all the rest.
- Strongest Republican candidate outside of St. McCain: Ronald Reagan.
- Bill Clinton is kind of a dick sometimes, but that's okay because when Hillary is president he'll be calling half the shots.
- None of the Republicans really campaigned in Nevada, so there's no point in talking about how Romney won easily or Ron Paul came in second. I mean come on - the only states that matter are the ones where candidates spent millions of dollars in attack ads.
- If something doesn't go like the media predicts, its not their fault - blame the pollsters! Polls can never be trusted, unless they're right.
- Nobody wants to talk about Fred Thompson, even though somehow he keeps ending up third or fourth. Guiliani even gets more play than the guy, and he's barely beating out "uncommitted."
- Everybody wants change. Even the Republicans, even though they all pretty much endorse everything that the current administration is doing.
- And my personal favorite: none of the Republicans know who the current president is, since they all refuse to say his name.
Ultimately what I've learned is if 2006 was the year the blogosphere influenced the election so Democrats could take back the Congress, 2008 will be the year the mainstream media tries to prove its relevance by picking our next President. They want Hillary versus McCain, because McCain is the only Republican that beats her in the early polls, and they love them some Republican president. And so far, they're having their way. Nice to know that journalists stopped thinking their job was to report the facts and instead they exist to tell us what to think.
January 19, 2008
They're Called "Talkies" For A Reason
How long has Scott Stantis been a professional comic strip artist? Does he realize we readers have no way of seeing into his head and understanding what the heck he's talking about? Because I'd really love to know which version of the word "content" he's using about today. From dictionary.com:
content(1) - noun
a. something that is contained: the contents of a box.
b. the subjects or topics covered in a book or document.
c. the chapters or other formal divisions of a book or document: a table of contents.
content(2) - adj.
1. satisfied with what one is or has; not wanting more or anything else.
So which is it? Is Winslow happy in paradise, or is he writing a blog to let people know what they can expect when they visit the island he's on? Maybe that's why you should have one of your editors actually edit your piece of crap comic strip before they blindly print it, Stantis. Oh wait, I'm sorry, you're a conservative comic strip writer with zero insights into how politics actually work, so you're given a free pass on everything you write - even if it's unrelated to the political world.
On top of that, he's using a written form of medium to try and tell a verbal joke, having Winslow ask a dolphin how to spell "elusive." Stantis, that DOESN'T WORK WHEN IT'S WRITTEN DOWN. God, how does this guy get paid to do this?
Sorry if I'm coming across as a bit more angry than usual today, but come on - how is this possible? How can a guy who gets printed across the country keep his job when he can't even write jokes that make sense, and you actually have to HEAR him tell the joke for it to work? Yeah, if Stantis said this to someone or it was animated with voices it would make sense. As it is here, it's confusing and stupid.
Oh, wait, I'm sorry - I guess if Bill Kristol, who's wrong about everything, can write for the New York Times then I guess we should just accept that his neo-con brother Stantis should be allowed to have his wittle comic strip. Liberal press forever!
January 18, 2008
Hot or Not -- Presidential Candidate Spouse Edition
Thanks to Scott Stantis and his juvenile fascination with Fred Thompson's wife, we can engage in a bit of juvenilia ourselves...
Introducing: Hot or Not -- Presidential Candidate Spouse Edition
Ranked. In order.
14. Whitney Gravel
Rating: ?
Comment: Does Not Compute
13. Carol Paul
Rating: Not
Comment: Not hot, nor should we expect or even want her to be.
12. Lynne Hunter
Rating: Not
Comment: I'm sure she's a great gal, but I just can't get excited about a GOP spouse named Lynne.
11. Janet Huckabee
Rating: Not
Comment: Not even if one were to go back in time to 1974.
10. Jocelyn Keyes
Rating: Not
Comment: May God bless this poor woman. Well, of course, God has already blessed this woman otherwise she would not be worthy of Ambassador Keyes. But still.
9. Alfonso Winston
Rating: Not
Comment: Foot waxing skills or no: no thanks. He's all for you, Winslow!
8. Judith Giuliani
Rating: Not Really
Comment: "Shag Fund" is two letters removed from Hag Fun.
7. Jeri Thompson
Rating: Not All That
Comment: Sorry, Scott (and others): I don't see it.
6. Cindy McCain
Rating: Slightly Hot
Comment: Not my personal cup of tea, but I could see some merits. If I squinted. Or winced.
5. Ann Romney
Scale: Mostly Hot
Comment: After 38 years of Mormon Marital Relations with Monogamous Mitt, she's undoubtedly looking for a little, um, variety. Could be fun.
4. Bill Clinton
Rating: Of course
Comment: Fellatio without all that messy ejaculation? That's gotta be a plus.
3. Elizabeth Kucinich
Rating: And How
Comment: It's become a cliche to ooh and ahh over Mrs. K, but the bottom line is that she's a very attractive woman.
2. Elizabeth Edwards
Rating: Very
Comment: What she may (or may not) lack in visceral, physical hotness, she more than makes up for in being awesome.
1. Michelle Obama
Rating: Smokin'
Comment: Wowee Zowee.
January 17, 2008
You're Living in F*ck City!
There are some among us -- maybe even your friends or colleagues or people you only marginally like -- who have claimed the first Poochie reference in Shrubville's storied 8-year history. To those people I say: You are wrong.
Those out there who are both close readers of Shrubville and students of The Simpsons -- and you know who you are -- will recall a little post back on August 10, 2007, in which yours truly wrote:
I don't want to turn this into a rant about how when Itchy plays Scratchy's skeleton like a xylophone, he strikes the same rib twice in succession, yet he produces two clearly different tones. (I mean, what are we to believe, that it was some sort of a magic xylophone or something?). I know this is only a comic strip (and a horrible one at that), and, as such, we should be able to suspend disbelief every now and then. We should allow the strip's creator some leeway in his story development and some wiggle room in his characters. But this last week or so has been so tremendously off-the-charts-ishly suckfuckingly stoopid that it's painful and embarrassing to witness.
Yes, the Magic skeleton line was lifted directly from episode 4F12 entitled "The Itchy & Scrathy & Poochie Show."
(Also featured in the 8/10/07 post: A Replacements AND a Bangles reference.)
Take THAT, Mr. Genius at Work.
Posted by CJo at 09:10 AM | Comments (3)January 16, 2008
Totally Outrageous Paradigm
I recently got hold of the production notes for Prickly City, which may surprise none of you. Or it may surprise all of you. In either case, something times zero equals zero, so I'm guessing there'll be zero surprise expressed. There was no "CONFIDENTIAL" stamp on it, so apparently it's not confidential, and I shouldn't feel any compunction in disclosing these top secret writing points.
One, Winston needs to be louder, angrier, and have access to a time machine. Two, whenever Winston's not in the frame, all the other characters should be asking "Where's Winston"?*
Well, what comes next? According to the aforementioned fake production notes, Shelley the turtle, Dio the lizard, and that weird kid hanging around in the campaign office last week, all go out on a cross-country adventure in search of Winston, encountering adventures and learning lessons along the way, all in preparation for a new comic strip from Stantis when the current party in the White House is kicked out: Cuntly City. (Alternate title, according to the fake production notes - Fairytale City.)
*Astonishingly, this is the first instance of a Poochie reference in Shrubville's 8-year history.
January 15, 2008
Shouldn't It Read "The Voters And The Readers Don't Seem To Care?"
Man, and I thought Stantis was lazy before. Rather than actually deal with the primary season, he's just going to send Winslow off on "vacation" so he can waste a week talking about how Winslow isn't campaigning anymore because he doesn't care if he loses.
None of this makes any sense. It really doesn't. When Prickly City moved its primary up, Winslow became the frontrunner and received millions in contributions, which he quickly wasted. He won, but nobody voted. He never went to Iowa, but apparently Carmen - who for no real reason is working hard to get Winslow elected - did have people campaigning there (even though Winslow had spent all their money on things not related to the campaign, which I think is illegal). She also wanted him to get out the vote in New Hampshire, and there he actually did work the phones.
Now this week Winslow is following the polls and knows he has zero chance of winning (like after Iowa and NH he was still in the running?). So he's on vacation. Stantis made sure not to draw a background for that panel, so I'm not sure if that's because Stantis is setting up a future "joke" where Winslow is really just on the roof of the campaign headquarters, or if he's so lazy he couldn't be bothered with drawing the beach or a pool.
So Carmen, who is SCREAMING at Winslow to get back to work, is now apparently adamant about somehow winning this election. Why? We still don't know. She's obviously seen the polls - she knows he doesn't have a chance. So why work so hard? It's one of the few times Winslow is the smarter of the two. Enjoy it while you can.
This is just a really lame way to kill a week. Have Winslow "disappear" so Stantis doesn't actually have to deal with the real issues. What's the point? I guess much like Carmen's reason for wanting to run Winslow's campaign, we'll never know.
January 14, 2008
Where's Winslow?
No wonder the Winslow J. Winston For President campaign is in such disarray. The people running the campaign can't locate Winslow even though HE'S SITTING AT THE FRONT WINDOW OF HEADQUARTERS STARING WISTFULLY OUT THE WINDOW.
I know there will be some people out there who will claim the visage of Winslow on the front of the building is a campaign poster. I pre-dispute those claims. That is a window. And Winslow is looking out the window.
It's time to fire the staff, Winslow. Clean house. (Start with Carmen Rove.) You're still in this thing.
Posted by CJo at 09:10 AM | Comments (6)January 13, 2008
Edumacation Time With Mr. Stantis
Stantis decides to offer up a little political science this morning in Prickly City. He also thinks that Michigan looks like a hand. Not a hand wearing a mitten, mind you - just a hand.
Guess that explains why he doesn't even try to draw fingers that actually look like fingers.
There are nine panels in today's strip. Three of them are devoted to recapping that Winslow lost in Iowa and New Hampshire. And I thought Stantis was wasteful because he wastes the first panel of every weekday strip recapping what he did the day before. Carmen finally refers to Winslow as "W," which should have sent any real liberal into a rage. Nobody on the left (and half the people on the right) want to share a nickname with Mr. 24%.
Carmen tells Winslow that there's a bright side to being a loser, explaining the situation in Michigan that since they moved up their primary they're not getting any delegates this time around. What she fails to note is that only applies to the Democratic side - the Republican delegates are still in play. Which is why I like kos' idea that Dems should cross over (which is allowed in Michigan) and vote for Willard "Mitt" Romney, so the Republican race remains competitive for a little while longer (the media may want to christen St. McCain and the nominee, but let's make 'em work for it). Since everybody on the Dem side will leave Michigan with the same number of delegates (that's zero, natch), Winslow is suddenly excited again. But he's also so stupid he doesn't know which state is Michigan. Wow, what a wonderful punchline, Stantis. How long did it take you to dream up that one? And how in the world did Winslow know which state Iowa was then if he can't remember the one stuck between the Great Lakes? "It's the one that looks like a cardboard box that's been crushed?"
Which leads me to wonder: did Winslow get any delegates for winning the Prickly City primary? See, it's because of this lack of continuity that it's hard to enjoy the strip. Prickly City should have never had a primary in the first place, since it's not a state. But that didn't stop Stantis from trying to make a month-long storyline about the primary over six months ago. Now that primary season is actually here, it's more convenient to forget about all that and pretend it didn't really count. Why not toss in a line that just like Michigan, Prickly City's delegates don't count either? Then that would mean Winslow would have to stop and realize that all those millions he spent in PC were for nothing, and that his campaign in pointless (remember how Winslow was the frontrunner for a while there because he was the hometown boy? ah yes, bad times). If Stantis actually had a clue how to write for something over the long term instead of pulling stuff out his ass whenever he runs out of other things to bitch about, this might all make sense. Instead, it's a boring, unfunny waste of time.
What makes it even more stupid is that Stantis won't make the effort to look at the calendar to see what holidays are coming up in two weeks, but he knew to time today's Sunday strip so it would coincide with a primary in a state where it doesn't even matter for Democrats. Some awfully strange priorities there, mister.
And yes, I did notice that Stantis is so poor at drawing he doesn't know how to work in Winslow's tie in the first few panels and only tacks it on when Winslow is standing. Also, for some reason Carmen's mouth is almost as wide as her face. But I'm trying not to point out the drawing is so bad, remember?
So does this mean Stantis will devote the week to Winslow campaigning in Michigan? How will he make fun of the people living in that state? Joke that they touch Canada? Forget that the U.P. even exists like he did today? Maybe introduce a wolverine as a new character? How do you think he'll spend the week? Please use the comments section for your guesses, since personally I think Stantis will forget today's strip even happened and whine about something else entirely. Hey, he hasn't made fun of the writers' strike yet...
January 12, 2008
The Real Scott Stantis
Tonight, thousands of children will go to bed hungry. On any given night, upwards of 200,000 veterans - men and women who defended our freedoms - will sleep on the streets, homeless. Anywhere between 40 and 50 million of us don't have health insurance. Nearly 4,000 families have lost loved ones in a war based on lies. Hundreds of thousands of Iraqis - more than died under orders from Saddam during his 30 year reign of terror - have perished in the same war. All of our children are born owing $30,000 thanks to this monstrous debt run up under President George W. Bush - a birth tax that Republicans never talk about. Families are swimming in debt. Foreclosures are at record highs. Merrill Lynch has announced we're in the first month of a recession. More and more Americans are forced to work two jobs because so much of our industrial and factory work has been shipped overseas. Did I mention that there are kids who will go to bed hungry tonight in the richest nation in the world, and that a full 12% of the population lives in poverty?
Please keep that in mind when reading Scott Stantis' comic strip today. Keep in mind that he thought it would be funny to point out that "some people" live quiet lives of desperation, and that he had no problem having his proxy Carmen respond by saying, "Yeah. And?", one of the most heartless responses possible. And then the punchline: having the the supposedly liberal character "thank" those of us living in desperation for not making a big stink about it so he can whine and bitch about his life "in peace."
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Scott Stantis: Compassionate Conservative.
Go fuck yourself, Stantis.
January 11, 2008
Shucking Mussels (From the Jive)
Needless to say, Winslow doesn't handle himself very well at press conferences. He should borrow a page from a prominent Democratic candidate (according to a not-so-prominent Dago) and simply shuck and/or jive.
Instead, he opts for whining.
But isn't whining about whining just more whining, ponders the ever-deep-n-thoughtful Scott Stantis, off-frame, playing the character of Reporter.
Indeed, Scott; indeed. However, please remember that whining about whining about whining is just more whining, too.
Good day.
Posted by CJo at 09:38 AM | Comments (3)January 10, 2008
As was in the beginning and so shall be in the end, Scott Stantis proves to have his finger on the Pulse of the Pop Cultural Scene of America. The breadth and mastery of his understanding of the Modern Zeitgeist ranks him firmly between two of Print Journalism's Champions of the Now: Richard Roeper and Jackie Harvey.
From Skateboarding Dogs to Weepy Britney Defender, from Drew Carey to Rob Schneider: Scott Stantis surveys and scours the landscape and only presents to his readership the hippest, heppest, most happening references.
What's the latest cool trend that Scott Stantis will introduce to the Heartland? What crazy youtube search ideas are in store?
No wonder kids in America each morning are devouring their morning newspapers. No wonder Print is where it's at. No wonder.
Posted by CJo at 09:53 AM | Comments (2)January 09, 2008
Wolf Blitzer Is The New Rock Lobster
Today's four panels of Prickly City really made me think...I wonder how long it would take for my eyebrows to look like Andy Rooney's if I just let them grow and never trimmed them. Also, do either Carmen or Winston have last names, or are those their last names? If they're their last names, why do they go around calling each other by their last names as if they're some kind of high school football players? Do they play high school football perhaps? You have to be at least 35 to be elected president, so how could Winston be in high school? Would 22 years of high school make him more or less qualified than Barack Obama and his 8 years in the State Senate and 2 years of "experience" in the U.S. Senate? But if those are their first names, what would you think their last names would be? Or if those are their last names, they would have a first name as their last name, and that's where things get confusing. A last name used to be referred to as a surname. Relatedly, the country of Suriname used to be referred to as Dutch Guyana. They made their old two names into one new name. Maybe that's what has happened here with Winston and Carmen. In any case, how weird would it be to have a president with only one name? Very. Think about it.
Posted by Sacki at 09:29 AM | Comments (9)January 08, 2008
Mystery Man
It appears as though our friend Chris over at Tumbleweedtown was on to something yesterday when he suggested that Carmen was talking to a third person at Winslow's campaign headquarters. In the 4th panel of today's strip there's suddenly, magically, a new character in Prickly City. Even though he's not named, has no lines, and only seems to be there to fill up space. Just like we would expect from Scott Stantis.
The rest of the strip is about Winslow working the phone lines for the New Hampshire primary. As I mentioned yesterday in the comments section it's a bit odd to see that Winslow, who went from having millions in contributions before the Prickly City primary to having nothing because he spent it all on those "hysterical" dancing llamas, now amazingly has enough money for a campaign headquarters and a phone bank (and maybe even an employee). Consistency, thy name isn't...well, you guys know.
It's not a terrible strip - someone mistaking Winslow for an animal other than a coyote is always fertile ground for comedy, especially since that fake question was posed to Stantis during his WaPo chat a while back (from my favorite town in the world, "Ahack, UR"). But then Carmen has to go and ruin it all by having the last word and making some stupid "joke" about Winslow being a real mammal of the people. Cue the crickets.
I like how Stantis' insistence on telling his readers every single freakin' day what the storyline is about in detail clashes with his desire to make a joke. In that first panel, how silly is it for Winslow to call someone and refer to them as "New Hampshire Voter?" Would anybody vote for a candidate who calls them at home and doesn't even refer to them as Mr. or Ms.? I'm not really complaining - I mean I know why Stantis did it like that, and it can be chalked up to how stupid Winslow is, but it's one of those things that can only happen in Prickly City because Stantis is such a terrible writer and couldn't be bothered with coming up with a clever way to show and tell us what Winslow's doing.
At least now we have something to look forward to: who's the mystery man? He reminds me of Jason from that cartoon "Home Movies" (he's the one with his finger in his nose up above) crossed with Dan Rather (maybe it's just the suspenders and the tie). Is he a journalist covering the campaign? A volunteer? Carmen's new boyfriend? We'll probably never know, but hopefully Stantis will FINALLY add some new blood to a strip that's desperately in need of a transfusion.
January 07, 2008
Three Points
FIRST OF ALL:
Average temperature in Manchester, New Hampshire in January: 21 degrees.
Average temperature in Des Moines, Iowa in January: 18 degrees.
SECOND:
Last week Carmen made a big deal about Winslow's Giuliani-like strategy of not going to Iowa prior to the caucus. (Even though he tried. Boy did he try.) And now she's surprised he's not traveling to New Hampshire?
THIRD:
As The Furnace has rightly pointed out in these pages, Stantis blew his Primary load last summer. He used up all his Primary ideas. He's done. He's sunk. He's just going to flounder and flip around until we know the nominees.
[Yawn.]
Posted by CJo at 08:25 AM | Comments (2)January 06, 2008
Why Opus Doesn't Have A Blue Head
Um...wow. Just...wow.
You know...um...wow.
I wanted to...um...yeesh.
Okay, let me try and collect my thoughts. Something I've been trying to do the last fifteen minutes since reading this so-called "comic strip."
First off, I have never in my life heard of this method of eyelash wish that Stantis is talking about. Back of the hand? Yes. Even the one with the friend between your fingers. But guessing which finger? That's a new one. Maybe it's an Alabama thing, or a college dropout thing. But I guess we should thank Stantis for spending an entire panel explaining to us something as simple as "Winslow gets a wish."
I should probably stop there. Going into the rest of the strip might drive me mad. There are so many things to criticize. I don't know where to start.
I mean, did Stantis put a note to the colorist that Winslow's head needs to be blue? I think I know why it happened: Winslow's head was supposed to be black, like the rest of his body. But Stantis doesn't know how to draw that. I remember reading a book a few years back about "Batman: The Animated Series," and the great pains they had to take to make sure the animators understood the look they were going for since Bats wears a lot of black (all about drawing with white, a color that's hard to use in animation from what I gather - and Stantis seems to prove that point). Since Winslow only has two black dots for eyes half the time, like in the 1st, 2nd, and 6th panels, Stantis can't do that if Winslow is supposed to be penguin black. But I'm guessing that Stantis submitted a black and white drawing of the strip and expected the colorist to figure it out, and that's why we get Winslow with a black body and a blue head. There's been discussion on Shrubville before about the odd colors chosen at times for the strip, and if I remember correctly Stantis defended himself in a podcast saying that he doesn't have any control over the colors since he doesn't do it himself (or maybe Charles made the point - honestly I don't recall exactly and I'm not going to look it up). But there is simply no excuse - if Stantis did it or somebody else - for this trainwreck of a comic strip to appear in a newspaper people pay to read.
I'm so disgusted with Prickly City that I don't even want to get into the writing. In the third panel, why have Winslow say, "HEY!!!!! IT..."? Wouldn't the "poof" alone tell us that his wish was coming true? I don't get it - all it does is throw off the timing and pace of the joke. Then there's the odd choice of having it be six panels. Why? This could have just as easily been four panels, and it would have spared us not one but two drawings of Winslow as a were-penguin. Simply atrocious.
Once again, I dare anyone - especially newspaper editors - to defend this crap. Please, explain to me why Scott Stantis should be paid for this. I really want to know what kind of justification someone in a position of power at a newspaper can provide for letting this garbage on the comics page. I'll admit that Stantis is decent when it comes to editorial comics - that's why we at Shrubville don't comment on them. But please, keep him out of the comics section. Prickly City Must Die.
January 05, 2008
He Skimped On The Corn Suit? How?
I'm not usually one for resolutions every new year, but I really should make one not to talk anymore about how poorly Stantis has been drawing Prickly City as of late. It would save me a lot of time and typing. So from this day forward (until I give up on it, like most people do with silly resolutions), I vow to write less about how terrible Stantis is as an artist.
But first, let's point out how exceptionally crappy things look today:
- In the first panel, why is Winslow's body shaped like a giant yellow marshmallow? In the second panel he's a bean, then the third the more traditional pear with a nubbin for a tail. Consistency, thy name isn't Stantis.
- Carmen looks completely different in panel one compared to panel two, but we never see her face so it's not really her expression that's changed. Stantis has just drawn her in one sloppy way, then changed it up to a different, sloppier way. Also, her arms are officially the same size as her legs now.
- Along those lines, her part goes from four inches across to two. Either way, still looks hideous.
- Do we have any idea how many fingers characters in Prickly City are supposed to have? Because Stantis tends to just draw a few squiggly lines and hopes people think they're fingers.
- Stantis can't even keep a clipboard, which is a brown square with a yellow half circle on top, the same between two panels. They're called "straight lines," Stantis. Borrow a ruler sometime.
- I kinda like the third panel, mainly because it keeps us from having to see Stantis attempt that little something called "detail."
- Without the "whack whack whack," I thought Carmen was breathing into a paper bag like she was having a panic attack. Mainly because Stantis decided he didn't need to draw that little half circle that let's us know it's the same clipboard from the first two panels.
- Why is Winslow's head so narrow in that last panel? It's like he's been squished.
Today's strip could have been a really good opportunity for Stantis to poke fun at himself. When Carmen asks Winslow what lessons he's learned, he should have said, "Well, I guess I should have spent as much time campaigning in Iowa that I did for that Prickly City primary that nobody remembers instead of just the past few days. Oh, and the corn suit was insulting to the people I was trying to get to vote for me." Yeah, I know - not funny. But it's what Stantis did, and it would have been nice for him to admit that he dropped the ball big time with the Winslow campaign. It's as if he got so bored with the process because he did it last summer that he didn't think there was anymore funny to squeeze out of the process - which gave us the stupid corn suit. And now we're expected to read him throughout the rest of the primary season? He might as well just ignore it until the conventions, since he obviously shot his load last summer.
And why oh why is Winslow depressed? He should be like every other candidate not named Biden or Dodd who's still in the running. Even though the media told us that this was the Most Important Election Evah for weeks, we now know it doesn't mean anything since New Hampshire is a few days away - and THAT'S the Most Important Election Evah (until Super Tuesday, or as that one moron on MSNBC says, "Tsunami Tuesday").
It's too bad Winslow doesn't have the media on his side, like St. John McCain. I could have sworn he came in fourth place - behind Tired Fred Thompson - but to hear them gush it was a four way tie for first place and McCain was the real winner of the night. Then again Winslow is a Democrat, so much like Hillary ("it's the end of an era," Howard Fineman told me) and Edwards (he's dead in the water, dontcha know - cuz he came in SECOND) his campaign is done, finished, through, over. Unless he's Obama, and if he gets the nomination it might lead to race riots (at least that's what the leading Republican bloggers are saying). What I found interesting was that while Obama gave an awesome victory speech (he's not my candidate, but even I admit it was great), the media decided they didn't really want to show it the following day. Huckabee with Chuck Norris? Saw plenty of that. Romney saying that the people didn't want to change who's in the White House (???), but who's in Washington in general? That got some play (but sadly outside of Keith Olbermann nobody commented on how it sounds as though Willard "Mitt" Romney is finally embracing the policies of George W. Bush - and admitting it). But Obama kicking all kinds of ass with that speech? No time for that - Britney's in the hospital!!!
With that in mind, Winslow's punchline today really does suck. He should have stuck with reality and said what everybody else is saying: "Oh Iowa doesn't matter - New Hampshire is where I REALLY have to win if I want to be president! Now get me a suit made out of granite! And the number for Karl Rove! I heard Obama has not one but two black babies..."
January 04, 2008
I of the Tiger
Topicality alert! Stantis managed to publish a strip about a relevant topic on an appropriate day! Alert the media, email the blogs, IM your mother, text your brother, swish the Wii controller in a V pattern for victory.
Granted, he squanders much of that goodwill by yet again insulting the intelligence of his fellow (United States of) Americans.
On the heels of calling Iowans and New Hampshirbrigians dumb, he comes out swinging for Indiana, Idaho, and, of all places, Illinois.
Now, I was born and raised in Illinois. I know people from Illinois. Some of my best friends are from Illinois. My Shrubville colleagues are from Illinois. Iowa Caucus winner Barack Obama is (kind of) from Illinois. Ronald Reagan is from Illinois. Illinois is home to one of the most cosmopolitan cities in the world: Rockford. (Chicago, too.) Illinois has one of the best county names in the USA: Grundy.
You don't lump "I" states together. Iowa -- though it has its charms -- is no Illinois. Indiana -- though it too has its charms -- is no Illinois. Idaho -- unsure about those charms -- is no Illinois.
But what does Stantis know. He's just a hillbilly from that hillbilly state full of dumb gay hillbillies: Alabama.
Posted by CJo at 09:37 AM | Comments (5)January 03, 2008
A Sticky Situation for Stantis
On a day when the media pretends the fate of the free world rests on the shoulders of some 150,000 Iowans, Scott Stantis turns his laser-like wit on the people of New Hampshire.
And he calls them dumb. Dumb as granite.
Stantis should be careful. These New Hampshirites are fine, decent folk, and, politically-speaking, they are right in Scott's wheelhouse. This state is a Libertarian's nocturnal emission.
Income taxes? Don't have 'em.
State Motto? Live Free or Die.
Demographics? 98% white.
Target of Libertarian's 'Free State' Project? Yes.
Prickly City access? Yes. Published in the newspaper with the largest circulation in New England, The Boston Globe.
Maple Syrup? Delicious.
Stantis should be kissing New Hampshire's big, giant Granite ass.
Posted by CJo at 09:08 AM | Comments (5)January 02, 2008
Paul Bunion and Winston Corn In "Feets O'Fury"
So I haven't seen the strip in something like 5 days. It's refreshing, in its own little way, to know that you can leave and come back in at some later point to the same old reliable strip and not miss a damn thing. Or miss the damn thing, either.
So we have Winston in a costume, naturally, aspiring to some job opening that he will try but ultimately fail to acquire. Gone is the fabled necktie of yore, which allowed him access to top-level employment, and in comes a suit of corn. Although, of course, if he's truly deeply serious about taking on Erik Estrada or Bill Richardson as his running mate, he may wish to be careful around them, because they'll shuck him, throw him into a bowl, pour butter, mayo and salt on him, and eat him up like the elote-lovin' dirty, dirty Mexicans-who-all-look-alike that they are. Because, as the conventional wisdom goes: in this country, first you get the corn, then you get the power, then you get the women...Subsection(b): and then the women cook the corn.
Posted by Sacki at 11:29 AM | Comments (6)January 01, 2008
Meet The New Year, Same As The Old Year
To begin with, I would like to wish everyone a happy and healthy New Year. We here at Shrubville appreciate that people take the time to read our rantings, and we hope everyone - even Scott Stantis - has a great 2008. Especially Stantis, because he had a REALLY bad 2007 and we all suffered because of it.
Next I'd like suggest stopping by Tumbleweedtown and checking out his year end awards. Chris is a regular commenter here at the Shrub, and was kind enough to include us in his year in review. Although it did force me to remember that stupid week where someone named "shrubville sucks" bombed the site with his Stantis love.
While I'm plugging sites, I'd like to also recommend Digby's post from a few days ago about how suddenly the Village Elders like David Broder are calling for bipartisanship when they couldn't be bothered with it for the first six years under Republican rule. It's a great counter to all of the nonsense Stantis was spewing last month about how we all need to just get along and both sides need to stop fighting - and do everything Carmen and the Republicans want.
Then there's today's strip. Dear Lord. Could there have been a more perfectly bad way for Stantis to start the year off? Let's check off the Prickly City cliche's:
- Carmen and Stantis standing in the desert? Check.
- Carmen appearing to have violentlay shoved Winslow off the edge, most likely because he said something she didn't like? Check. (yeah, I know Winslow probably jumped, but the way it's drawn it's just as likely that she pushed him)
- Winslow drawn in such a way that he's nearly unrecognizable? You betcha.
- Winslow trying to fly, a gag I thought Stantis had dropped because he had run it into the ground (or I guess flown it into the ground)? Yup.
- The part in Carmen's hair is bigger than most of her other body parts? Mmhmm.
- Stantis screwing up an easy and derivative strip with lazy drawing and just ripping off something he either did himself before or probably saw someone else do a year ago? You know it.
Stantis sure does nail a lot of the things that suck about Prickly City, all in one lazy strip. The bad "art," Carmen's violent nature, Winslow's stupidity, lame running "jokes" that never went anywhere in the first place - all in a single, lame panel.
It's gonna be a really long year if this is the best Stantis can do when it comes to starting off on the right foot.
Originally I was going to devote today's post to a yearly retrospective, going back over 2007 and taking a look at how awful Prickly City was this past year. But then I got through March and couldn't take it anymore. All today's strip needed was for Stantis to whine about how much attention the media gives to celebrities while giving them attention himself, for Stantis to bitch about technology while trying to sound like a hip geek by referencing the internet, and for Stantis to take a poll or a study out of context to make a point even though he knows it's a lie, and he would have nailed three of his other big talking points that got repeated over and over this past year (oh, and he needed to rip off the Seinfeld "anti-dentite" punchline for a FOURTH time in a year).
I did realize one thing while trying to look back at 2007: Prickly City really isn't a political strip anymore. Yeah, it's conservative - Stantis is a Bush Republican through and through, even though (much like all of the Republican candidates for President) he refuses to mention He Who Must Not Be Named Even Though He's The President And They All Agree With His Policies. But outside of Winslow's boring and unfunny candidacy, Stantis hasn't really been talking politics that much. Maybe it's because things are so bad for his party. But gone are the references to Conde Rice, and he never mentioned Alberto Gonzales or Karl Rove or Larry Craig or David Vitter or any of the other cast of thousands when there was plenty of political stories he could have tackled. Instead there were pretty blond girls to talk about or technology that must be stopped. Maybe with the primaries starting up Stantis will get back to focusing on the main reason his comic strip is supposed to exist, but I doubt there will be much more substance than him calling Hillary a witch and refusing to talk about Ron Paul*. Just more of the same lazy, unfunny garbage he's been dishing out for several years now - and instead of improving, he's getting worse.
(Quick note for the Paulbots out there: I don't endorse Ron Paul's candidacy - in fact I think he's an extremist and a racist and too many people are jumping on his bandwagon simply because he wants out of Iraq. However he's a conservative and he's raised the most money on the Republican side, so it's strange that Stantis has yet to mention his candidacy even though he's already talked about the other candidates and even endorsed Huckabee. Why not talk about the guy? Plenty to make fun of there, especially when Paul says there isn't a single war we should have fought in the past century or that Lincoln ruined the country by his starting the Civil War because slavery would have just gone away eventually.)
So I have a new wish for 2008. I wish that another conservative comic strip writer, who isn't afraid to tackle the big issues and can actually draw, shows up in the comic world - and uses his talents to replace Scott Stantis and Prickly City. Much like with the President, we might not be able to fire him (thanks, Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid, for nothing) but we sure as heck can replace him. Too bad we'll have to wait a year to do it with Bush - but newspaper editors, please feel free to replace Stantis as soon as possible.
Again, Happy New Year - and don't let Prickly City ruin it.
picture courtesy of JB