Shrubville

Ha ha, those dumb New Hampshirites. They sure love their maple syrup, and sharp cheddar cheese, and Ben and Jerry's ice cream.

I am an avid reader of the New England Agriculture Statistics publications. According to their figures, Vermont produces 9 times more maple syrup than New Hampshire. NH is tied with Michigan for 6th place among maple syrup producing states. More maple syrup comes from Ohio, for cryin' out loud!

This is why Stantis is such a terrible writer. Winslow got into all kinds of trouble for saying corn is dumb (Stantis even positioned it as though that's the reason he'll lose in the caucuses). Now Carmen calls him dumb for dressing like corn. Why wouldn't Winslow say something in response to that? "Oh sure - when I say it's dumb I'm the worst person in the world, but you say it and it's fine." All Stantis had to do was pick a different word - silly, goofy, unserious - and it would have been fine. But the guy is so creatively bankrupt all he can come up with is "dumb."

And boy oh boy am I glad that Carmen once again took the whole first panel to explain why Winslow, who's standing right there, is dressed like corn. I would have never known he was dressed like corn if she hadn't told me. Since I read the comics with my eyes closed.

Hey, hey, hey, everyone -- straight outta Cedar Rapids, the Associated Press is breaking the news about who won in Iowa and here's the scoop:

REPUBLICANS: Stantis's candidate, Gov. Mike Huckabee, won by a sizable margin of 35% to Gov. Mitt Romney's 24% despite Romney outspending him 4 to 1. Could the fact that 60% of Iowa's Republicans are evangelicals have something to do with this? Oh yeah, and Mr. Savior-turned-Afterthought, Sen. Fred Thompson, somehow racked up 14% of the vote, beating Mr. "I Love New Hampshire," Sen. John McCain, who got 12%. Giuliani didn't bother campaigning in Iowa, by the way, in favor of New Hampshire and Florida -- so he's not really figured into this caucus.

DEMOCRATS: My candidate, Sen. Barack Obama, edged out a victory, but he, Sen. Hillary Clinton, and Sen. John Edwards each got more or less one third of the vote. Still, this is a big blow to "Mrs. Frontrunner" Clinton and an even bigger blow to whichever one of the candidates turned out to be third (ESPECIALLY if it's Clinton, according to the NY Times). I'm assuming that the other candidates (Biden, Dodd, Kucinich, Richardson, and Gravel) didn't make too good of a showing.

And Winston? You can just put a big fat zero next to his name.

CJo,
I agree about Stantis's treatment of New Hampshire, but now the evangelcials o' Iowa have selected the former dark horse that Stantis endorsed back in October (Huckabee). So maybe kissing th big, giant granite ass isn't necessary...

John,
I went along with Stantis because I know they make maple syrup in NH too, but yes it's definitely more of a Vermont thing. When I think of New Hampshire, I think of pretty autumn leaves, Dartmouth College, small towns, the Old Man in the Mountain, and cattle. Also the primaries, but that's probably just 'cause I'm reading about the Iowa caucus right now.

Furnace,
Antenora made good use of the transitive property yesterday: "Corn is dumb. Winslow is corn. Therefore, Winslow is dumb." Still, it seems to be the only word in Stantis's vocabulary. Of course, I should talk...my post today was called "Dumb and Dumber."

More updates from Des Moines:
1. Hillary conceded to Obama but is still in a dead heat for second with Edwards.
2. Sen. Christopher J. Dodd of Connecticut announced that he has dropped out of the election. He received less than 1% of the vote in Iowa.
3. Huckabee delivered a victory speech to supporters at his campaign headquarters.