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December 24, 2007
Our Third Annual Christmas Eve Wish List For Scott Stantis
CJo's enjoying the Eve, but today's the kind of day we need him and his incredible recall abilities because I could swear this is a repeat but I don't know for sure. Carmen notes that Santa knows when you've been bad or good, Winslow says that sounds like Dick Cheney, and Carmen closes things on the odd note that nobody's ever seen them in the same place at the same time. Yeah, that's what we need to be teaching the kiddies WHO READ THE COMIC STRIP PAGES - that Santa is illegally spying on us, just like evil Dick Cheney. That's just a jerky to say on this of all days, especially if little ones are home reading the comics this morning. Thanks for ruining Christmas, Stantis.
Sure it's a cheap holiday gag, but Stantis really needs to remember that his strip appears alongside Marmaduke and that strip about two naked eight-year-olds who are married. Would you want to explain to your kid who Dick Cheney is and why they're saying he's just like Santa? Talk about a botched joke. This is the kind of thing you say when BSing about politics with your co-workers at the office Christmas party, and then someone follows it up by saying, "Yeah, but Santa gives you things - Dick Cheney wants to take away all of our freedoms." But not our boy Stantis - he's the guy taking a dump in the punch bowl.
As is the custom here at Ville of the Shrub on the Eve of the Mas of Christ (it's not really the mass, is it? more of his fake b-day, kinda like when you adopt a dog and don't really know when he was born so you pick a day that's usually someone else's birthday so you easily remember it. boy did I go off on a tangent there), here are some of the things I hope Scott Stantis finds under the X-mas tree this year:
- Some balls. I know that's crass, but Stantis never wants to tackle the tough issues. Yeah he finally talked about spying but failed miserably (ex: acting like Burger King installed security cameras to stop terrorism, and hasn't had them installed for decades now to stop people from robbing them). After the disastrous strips on Iraq (the desert hamster nightmare) he stopped talking about the war completely. He never talked about the outing of Valerie Plame, or the US Attorney firing scandal, or Attorney General Gonzales, or Bush lying about the Iran NIE, or any host of scandals involving Republicans and sex. If it was a major political issue, you could count on Scott Stantis not to address it in his political forum on the comic pages, even though that's the only reason his strip is still around. I guess comparing Santa to Dick Cheney is supposed to be enough. My hope is that next year, with primary season just around the corner, Stantis grows a pair and stops hiding behind the fact that he's been on the wrong side of almost every issue and tackles something harder than Winslow's terribly unfunny candidacy and Carmen whining about the commercialization of the holidays.
- Some one on one classes with a real comic strip artist. I've mentioned on previous Eves that someone needs to get him a how-to book on how to draw, but obviously that's not enough. Sit him down with a professional who has a ton of patience who can walk him through little things like how to consistently draw your characters with the same dimensions. You know, things that are just taken for granted with other non-conservative comic strip artists.
- On that same note, a funny bone. When was the last time you even chuckled reading Prickly City? Have you ever laughed outloud? Or are you left scratching your head trying to figure out what the heck Stantis is talking about? Maybe before he gets some lessons on comedy he should take a remedial course on the English language.
- Speaking of which, I hope Santa brings him a freakin' word program that he can stick with. Pick a font and leave it, Stantis. Otherwise it looks like you're submitting your rough draft to the papers every time since you can't make up your mind what looks best.
- The ability to remember that he has a little something called a "podcast." Amazing to think that a professional comic strip artist, employed and given an office at an actual newspaper, acts like part of his duties that he made a big deal of at the beginning of the year is now being treated like cleaning out the garage or giving the dog a bath. I can hear Stantis talking to his boss now: "Do a new podcast? I'll get to it later, after I take care of some important other stuff. Like...um...I'll just do it later, okay?"
- And finally, I'd like to wish Scott Stantis some holiday spirit. It's clear that Stantis has had a rough year in all kinds of ways. For the purpose of this blog it's been obvious that politics hasn't been kind to him as he's watched his Republican party fall apart, seeing that his brand of conservative government is a big fat failure. That's why he's avoided politics for the most part - otherwise he has to admit how badly folks sharing his views have screwed up the country. Cheer up, Stantis: only one more year and Bush and Cheney are gone and hopefully someone who won't blow up the world will be elected into the White House. I almost want to wish for Scott's sake that a Republican gets elected. Almost. But even I don't have that much Christmas spirit.
I'd rather have my country back.
***
Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas to you all from Shrubville.
Now go get nogged!
Comments
The Furnace,
Awesome post. I couldn't top it today. Your list, in particular, is dead on.
Stantis does need to tackle some more controversial issues. Iraq is a great example. I mean, perhaps you could ignore Plamegate or the attorney firings under some strain (I still think he ought to have addressed them) but ignoring Iraq? It has been the de facto most important issue in the U.S. for almost five years now. How can Stantis have only addressed it once in the three-and-a-half years that his strip has been running? Give me a break.
You all know what I think of Stantis's writing and art. As for his lettering, it has bugged me that he's changed it twice recently. I think I like the current version the least of the three. The second one was probably the best, but the first one was easier on the eyes. Shouldn't Stantis have decided this about three-and-a-half years ago?
I also agree with your last point -- we have to wish Stantis well. He isn't a bad guy, even if he is an awful cartoonist and an ignorant Republican. And his party is screwing him badly -- what's he supposed to cartoon about when his party is doing so miserably in national politics?
Posted by: Chris at December 24, 2007 10:36 PM
And now, my Christmas gift to you, since you brought up the election...a prediction.
Yes, I have donned the future goggles, but not with relation to "Prickly City." No, I am looking ahead to the future of American politics -- not two weeks from now, but next year, and beyond.
But first, a clarification: I do not support Hillary Clinton at all. I don't like her, I don't think she'll be a good president, and I won't vote for her. Now then, my prediction:
1. The Republicans know that they aren't going to win this election anyway because the people want a change after eight years of bad government by the Bush administration. It's a throwaway election for them, so they nominate Gov. Michael Huckabee to please the religious right. Since he's going to lose no matter what, in 2012 they can tell the religious right that they had their shot and since that's not working, it's time to abandon that fringe mentality and go with a more centrist candidate.
2. I don't want this to happen, but I think it will. Hillary Clinton gets elected in '08, becomes the first female president, and appoints a mostly female cabinet. Her running mate/vice president will be someone from the Bill Clinton administration. During her first term, she gets a strong 2/3-ish Democratic majority as the country continues its shift to the left. This allows her to raise taxes heavily and implement a heavily liberal agenda.
3. Perhaps in 2016, Obama runs for president and wins on the strength of his 8 years experience as VP.
Far-fetched? Maybe #s 2 and 3 are, a bit. But #1, I suspect, will prove to be very true.
Merry Christmas to the Furnace, CJo, Sacki, John, Annie, FredN., Doc Sane, Antenora, Snowman, Vestibule, Marc H., PCNF, and everyone else!
Posted by: Chris at December 24, 2007 10:52 PM
I just stumbled across this and posted about it:
"Prickly City" has been added to the comics section of the Austin American-Statesman, as of 12/24. Why, you ask? The usual suspects...
http://tumbleweedtown.blogspot.com/2007/12/prickly-city-peccary-prickly-city-added.html
Posted by: Chris at December 24, 2007 11:13 PM
