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December 31, 2007
Thus Endeth The Year
In with the lying
Out with a scam
Prickly City's year ends
And no one gives a damn
December 30, 2007
"Winslow, Can You Believe You're A Coyote And The Sky Is Blue?" "?"
Today's Prickly City would probably be a decent comic strip - if it were any other strip. But since one of the characters has been running for president for more than half the year, and the other one has been his campaign manager, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense.
Not only that, the way Stantis draws it only confuses the issue. Carmen has a goofy smile on her face, as if she's looking forward to the mud slinging. This after saying that all she wanted was for people to get along (then spent a week arguing with Winslow, then spent Christmas telling everyone who disagrees with her to kiss her ass). Then there's Winslow. Poor, stupid, clueless Winslow. For some odd reason, Stantis has a question mark hanging over the coyote's head and a look of confusion (or is it consternation?) on his face. No Carmen, apparently Winslow CAN'T believe the election is around the corner. He's that stupid.
But it is nice to see that all those years Stantis spent in junior high drawing big trucks in the corners of his algebra notebook finally paid off.
Something else I found peculiar: the businesses in Prickly City feel it necessary to have security bars on their windows? Is the city that dangerous? Then again they do have a Burger King with those terrorist-busting security cameras.
I get the sense that Stantis is missing certain parts of his brain, like they didn't fully develop when he was a child. He's all about coming up with what he thinks are cute ideas - "there's a lot of mud slinging in politics - what if Carmen and Winslow get mud dumped on them!" - but he's missing that part of the frontal lobe that reasons out why that kind of thing doesn't work for his strip. It's like his inability to understand that it's dumb to have Carmen asking for unity one day and then arguing with Winslow the next - and calling Winslow stupid for saying basically the same thing she said only days earlier. Not only can't he keep his characters and their personalities straight, he can't do it with his storylines either. It's a real problem, but it feels like the newspaper editors are too afraid to call him on it or he'll send his lawyers - or worse yet, Karl Rove - after them.
Now the big question: how does Stantis end 2007? Does he start a new storyline about the Iowa caucuses and ignore the New Year, or does he give a lame send-off to one of the worst years in Prickly City history? It's a tough call - usually I'd say that Stantis is all about throwing up an easy strip so he doesn't have to work on a full week's worth of storyline, but it's a holiday and we all know how he doesn't own a calendar. At least we can all agree that it's probably going to suck. Just like everything else in Prickly City this year. And next.
December 29, 2007
Prickly City Has Become Too Confused For Understanding
What gives, Stantis? Only one racist strip this week? Come on now, you can do better than that. Why stop at saying that all Hispanic people look alike to you? Saying Bill Richardson looks like Erik Estrada because they both have brown skin and black hair is just the tip of the iceberg! Here, I'll help you out.
Since I suck at photoshop I'll stop there, but I'm sure Stantis can come up with more hate-filled stereotyping on his own. But why stop at race? How about Ellen Degeneres and Hillary, since they're both dykes in your mind? Or one of the Village People and John Edwards since he's such a fag? I shudder to think what you'll do with Alan Keyes. Oh, wait, he's a Republican - nevermind. Too bad there aren't any Japanese or Indian candidates, since I'm sure they all look alike to you too.
Sorry to go off there, but I think since it was a Friday and during the holidays Stantis is going to get off easy for yesterday's strip. Yeah he was trying to be funny, but I don't see how what he did is any different from what's up above - an unfunny, racist, stereotypical comparison because two people happen to have the most basic of similarities. Yeah, like the entire Republican field (outside of Keyes) aren't all middle aged white men and the average person couldn't tell you which one was Brownback and which was Tancredo. Most people don't even realize that Richardson is Hispanic (and he doesn't exactly advertise it). So I'm not about to let Stantis get away with something that would give plenty of newspapers an excuse to drop a strip if it was done by somebody else.
As for today's strip, Mr. I Hate Technology AGAIN refers to the internet for his punchline. This time it's that bulldog who skateboards, and thanks to an appearance in an iPhone commercial got national television exposure. Does anybody honestly believe Stantis knew the dog's name was Tillman before he wrote this? And does anybody honestly believe that this somehow makes Old Man Stantis "hip" because he referenced something that was kitschy six months ago?
And let's check out that second panel for one of the worst uses of the English language yet. "Politics has become too confused for entertainment." What does that even mean??? The mainstream media already act like the presidential campaign is one big lame reality show for their amusement. Too confused? What's more confusing about it this year than last? Just a completely baffling statement. Then to top it off, Winslow says he's giving up on having a celebrity sidekick - then introduces 2007's version of Spuds McKenzie as his new sidekick. But because he's on the internet, that means he's not a part of the entertainment world like Oprah and Gary Coleman. What? What the f*** is he talking about?
If Stantis spent his Christmas wishing he could somehow become a worse comic strip writer, then Santa gave him exactly what he wanted. This is terrible, horrible, no good, and very bad in every way imaginable. And to think, he's going to get yet another year to torment those of us who actually think comic strips should be funny and well-drawn. 2008's gonna be a loooong year.
December 28, 2007
Rock The Vote &c.
As CJo mentioned yesterday, third-tier celebrity endorsements of political candidates are funny. Nevertheless, no matter who Winston can wrangle for his campaign - not even Bill Richardson; not even Erik Estrada; not even Larry Wilcox or Antonio Fargas or Pete Myers - it can't help him overtake the one comic character who holds my vote until he loses it.
That's right, I'm talking about Mr. Is, Love. The dude's just what our country needs. Did he spend Christmas faking piety, stone sober and dressed in gaudy sweaters that would embarass Bill Cosby? Fuck no, dude was bare-assed naked mixing up a drink, after which he would probably lay Ms. Is down on a bearskin rug and give her the jingle-bell rock. Just wait until you see what they do on New Year's Eve.
Posted by Sacki at 07:47 AM | Comments (1)December 27, 2007
Emmanuel Lewis Can't Lose
How about that. A month after we at Shrubville associate Scott Stantis with Alex Karras, Stantis drops a little Emmanuel Lewis into the fray.
I'm not opposed to this series so far. Third-tier celebrity endorsements of political candidates are funny. Especially on the GOP side.
I wonder who Ron Silver is endorsing this year? How about Tom Selleck?
Posted by CJo at 08:53 AM | Comments (2)December 26, 2007
Getting A Sidekick Would Be So Like The Technology Fadtastic Winston
As CJo mentioned yesterday in his glo-o-o-o, glo-o-o-o, glo-o-o-o,glorious in an ex-of-Chelsea Clinton way, we like to refer to our repeats as Christmas tradition. Usually for me at this time of year, I'll look back fondly and pull some best-of-Shrubville excerpts. Unfortunately, due either to a) an abundance of choices that make it impossible to choose, b) time constraints and/or c) sheer laziness disguised as SADS or SIDS or whatever the winter sun-deficiency crock affliction is, I'll have to skip it this time around. Stay tuned, it might come up sooner than you think!
As far as today's strip goes, however, is it just me or is Scott Stantis, the author of Prickly City, calling black people "them"? Did anyone else get that feeling when you read "Oprah's really bringing them in"? It only goes toward confirming his support of noted civil rights crusader Ron Paul, I suppose. That explains the blimp. "LOL."
Posted by Sacki at 01:46 PM | Comments (1)December 25, 2007
Merry Christmas
While Scott unveils the big fat lump of coal that is today's strip -- a repeat of the same theme and execution from a few years back -- Shrubville is in repeat mode itself. (Though we like to refer to our repeats as Christmas tradition.)
Without further adieu, we present as our Christmas gift to you, a special strip from the archives drawn by a person known to us only as JB. He came, he saw, he commented on Shrubville on occasion, he drew us this awesome picture, and then he left without a trace...
Condi Rice & Winslow -- A Christmas Together:
Merry Christmas to all and to all a good day.
Posted by CJo at 10:12 AM | Comments (2)December 24, 2007
Our Third Annual Christmas Eve Wish List For Scott Stantis
CJo's enjoying the Eve, but today's the kind of day we need him and his incredible recall abilities because I could swear this is a repeat but I don't know for sure. Carmen notes that Santa knows when you've been bad or good, Winslow says that sounds like Dick Cheney, and Carmen closes things on the odd note that nobody's ever seen them in the same place at the same time. Yeah, that's what we need to be teaching the kiddies WHO READ THE COMIC STRIP PAGES - that Santa is illegally spying on us, just like evil Dick Cheney. That's just a jerky to say on this of all days, especially if little ones are home reading the comics this morning. Thanks for ruining Christmas, Stantis.
Sure it's a cheap holiday gag, but Stantis really needs to remember that his strip appears alongside Marmaduke and that strip about two naked eight-year-olds who are married. Would you want to explain to your kid who Dick Cheney is and why they're saying he's just like Santa? Talk about a botched joke. This is the kind of thing you say when BSing about politics with your co-workers at the office Christmas party, and then someone follows it up by saying, "Yeah, but Santa gives you things - Dick Cheney wants to take away all of our freedoms." But not our boy Stantis - he's the guy taking a dump in the punch bowl.
As is the custom here at Ville of the Shrub on the Eve of the Mas of Christ (it's not really the mass, is it? more of his fake b-day, kinda like when you adopt a dog and don't really know when he was born so you pick a day that's usually someone else's birthday so you easily remember it. boy did I go off on a tangent there), here are some of the things I hope Scott Stantis finds under the X-mas tree this year:
- Some balls. I know that's crass, but Stantis never wants to tackle the tough issues. Yeah he finally talked about spying but failed miserably (ex: acting like Burger King installed security cameras to stop terrorism, and hasn't had them installed for decades now to stop people from robbing them). After the disastrous strips on Iraq (the desert hamster nightmare) he stopped talking about the war completely. He never talked about the outing of Valerie Plame, or the US Attorney firing scandal, or Attorney General Gonzales, or Bush lying about the Iran NIE, or any host of scandals involving Republicans and sex. If it was a major political issue, you could count on Scott Stantis not to address it in his political forum on the comic pages, even though that's the only reason his strip is still around. I guess comparing Santa to Dick Cheney is supposed to be enough. My hope is that next year, with primary season just around the corner, Stantis grows a pair and stops hiding behind the fact that he's been on the wrong side of almost every issue and tackles something harder than Winslow's terribly unfunny candidacy and Carmen whining about the commercialization of the holidays.
- Some one on one classes with a real comic strip artist. I've mentioned on previous Eves that someone needs to get him a how-to book on how to draw, but obviously that's not enough. Sit him down with a professional who has a ton of patience who can walk him through little things like how to consistently draw your characters with the same dimensions. You know, things that are just taken for granted with other non-conservative comic strip artists.
- On that same note, a funny bone. When was the last time you even chuckled reading Prickly City? Have you ever laughed outloud? Or are you left scratching your head trying to figure out what the heck Stantis is talking about? Maybe before he gets some lessons on comedy he should take a remedial course on the English language.
- Speaking of which, I hope Santa brings him a freakin' word program that he can stick with. Pick a font and leave it, Stantis. Otherwise it looks like you're submitting your rough draft to the papers every time since you can't make up your mind what looks best.
- The ability to remember that he has a little something called a "podcast." Amazing to think that a professional comic strip artist, employed and given an office at an actual newspaper, acts like part of his duties that he made a big deal of at the beginning of the year is now being treated like cleaning out the garage or giving the dog a bath. I can hear Stantis talking to his boss now: "Do a new podcast? I'll get to it later, after I take care of some important other stuff. Like...um...I'll just do it later, okay?"
- And finally, I'd like to wish Scott Stantis some holiday spirit. It's clear that Stantis has had a rough year in all kinds of ways. For the purpose of this blog it's been obvious that politics hasn't been kind to him as he's watched his Republican party fall apart, seeing that his brand of conservative government is a big fat failure. That's why he's avoided politics for the most part - otherwise he has to admit how badly folks sharing his views have screwed up the country. Cheer up, Stantis: only one more year and Bush and Cheney are gone and hopefully someone who won't blow up the world will be elected into the White House. I almost want to wish for Scott's sake that a Republican gets elected. Almost. But even I don't have that much Christmas spirit.
I'd rather have my country back.
***
Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas to you all from Shrubville.
Now go get nogged!
December 23, 2007
The Scott Stantis Guide To Botching A Simple Holiday Strip, Vol. 42
Wow. Is there anything Scott Stantis CAN'T screw up?
It's a simple premise. Winslow, dressed up and singing like a drunken, pantless department store Santa, realizes when he's halfway through "Winter Wonderland" that he's still in the desert and it's really hot there. Now it's IMPOSSIBLE to mess up that simple gag, right?
No, Virginia - not for Scott Stantis.
The first panel is fine. I'm confused as to why Winslow would put on the big black boots but not pants, but otherwise the drawing and even the singing are fine.
Then there's the atrocious second panel. Stantis tries to do his weird "head turning in confusion" trick again, and it's horrific. The three faces of Winston appear, only one of which seems to have a mouth (the one facing right). Stantis screws up this old comic strip technique by having Winslow's hat move with his head as well, instead of staying put while he whips his head back and forth. I've never drawn a comic strip in my life and even I know that.
But that's not the worst of it. No, I would have to say that Stantis' odd choice of how to separate the word "Wonderland" between the first and second panels takes the snowcake. I think 99% of the people out there would think it's logical to have Wilson say "Wonder...land?" But not Stantis. Instead, he gives us "...and." When I first read it I was confused. "...and" what? Did Stantis forget the rest of the line, and Winslow was supposed to say, "Walking through a Winter Wonderl...and where's the snow?" Nope. Stantis just thought it would be funnier to separate the word in the most confusing way possible. Heck, even "...erland" would have been funnier. But not for the worst comic strip writer ever.
The less said about the last panel, the better. I don't even think that's Winslow. If he wasn't red and yellow, I'd think that was a completely different character than the one appearing in the first panel. The dimensions are all off (look how huge the hat is and how round his body is now - even his arms are puffier). And is Stantis so lazy that he won't even take the time to repeat the background from the second panel? Winslow realizes he's in the desert again - why would that disappear? Why not show a low angle of a melting Winslow with the huge sun (NOT the moon) hanging in the sky behind him? Or am I being too much of an Ebeneezer in how critical I am of a light-hearted holiday strip?
Bah, humbug. We all know the real scrooge is a comic strip "artist" who is somehow, some way getting worse with every single strip. Even when it's as simple as having a coyote singing Christmas songs in the middle of the desert.
Posted by The Furnace at 09:10 AM | Comments (0)December 22, 2007
Note To Carmen: Speak For Yourself, Little Girl
Carmen has a Facebook account? How can I look her up, by typing in her full name - Carmen A. Hypocrite?
Today's strip is just odd. Once again it's a case of Stantis thinking he has a good point to make, but then completely fumbling it. Let's just ignore the fact that Carmen is the sancatmonius one here (which is why her having a Facebook account is so hypocritical - wouldn't this whole strip have made more sense if Winslow was the one railing against technology? Oh wait - that wouldn't make sense either).
Carmen talks about how we Americans don't want strangers all up in our bizness. No disagreements from me - I think we can all agree that we don't want the government illegally spying on us, and then giving the telecom companies retroactive immunity for breaking the law to do it. But her next point is that since "we" have those cell phones that wrap around your ear, people are broadcasting "our" most intimate secrets. So she is all up in arms - if "we're" so open with "our" private lives, how can we beg for privacy?
Easy. Not all of us walk around talking on cell phones or posting our personal dirt online. It's called "choice." I choose not to talk about who I'm dating or who I'm lusting after or to post pics of myself drunk at parties. However, if the government decides to request a phone company to illegally monitor ALL of OUR calls and emails, that's not OUR choice at all. The government is intruding on my life, your life, everybody's lives - we're not all broadcasting those details. Why is that so hard for Stantis to understand? And why is he one of these jerks that needs to speak in absolutes that cover everybody, other than it's the only way he can make this point of his?
Yeah, there are quite a few morons out there who think they're in the privacy of their home when they walk around talking outloud on those stupid phones or blog about their dark secrets. They're usually the same dicks who talk during the movie. And surprisingly enough, I guess Carmen is one of those jerks. Of course that makes zero sense - she supposedly hates all forms of technology except flat screen plasma TVs - but that doesn't stop Stantis from trying to pose his oh-so-deep philosophical question.
Once again, this is why the strip needs a new character. What if that guy with the fungus had been there since Monday? It would have been oh so easy - we only see the left side of his face when he appears to be yelling at Carmen and Winslow about how he's being spied on and has no privacy. She says that we need to do it to protect us from the eeevil terrorists (which would be in keeping with her neo-con character), then the dweeb turns around and we see he's got one of those phones on his right ear and he says he's not talking to the stupid little girl but to his life partner Lindsey.
Oh, wait - that would have made Stantis' point in one, somewhat less painful strip instead of dragging it out for an entire week where half the panels were either black or the same seven cameras drawn around Carmen and Winslow over and over. Nevermind.
December 21, 2007
You Slay Me With Your Reference
Zing Zam Zoom: A Drew Carey reference. While I suppose a Carey reference ranks higher on the Scott Stantis Has No Fucking Clue About Relevant Cultural Reference Points Scale than, say, Rob Schneider, it's still lame, as in "Turn off the Simpsons? Laaaaaaame" lame.
This criticism could strike some of you as funny or possibly even ironic coming from someone who has dropped an Early 80's Music reference as many times in the last week as there are luft balloons in the sky. (99 by my rough count.)
But there's a crucial difference between this author's out-of-date references and Mr. S.'s out-of-date references. Mr. S. -- his mid-section paunched, his mind riddled-with middle age (and probably Syphilis) -- doesn't realize how fast the culture moves. He thinks he can dip back four or five years and still come up with something relevant. "This Baha Men reference is gonna kill! Woof Woof Woof Woof!" It's embarrassing.
Whereas yours truly dips back over twenty years to reference timeless artifacts of our pop cultural landscape. It's not an attempt to prove I'm relevant to today's youth. It's just a testament to the fact I haven't aged (culturally or, hell, emotionally) since 1984. Those were heady days. It was when I got my first real six-string. I bought it off the showroom floor. Played it 'till my fingers bled. It was the Summer of '84.
Posted by CJo at 09:51 AM | Comments (3)December 20, 2007
This Sister is Twisted
A week that has brought us the feeling that somebody is always watching every breath we take while waiting for our Whalers at BK klymaxxes with the Winslow Toilet Cam.
Scott's question, "Will we ever get to the point where we finally say enough?" inspires a call to action, an academy fight song for the youth of America, a faux-glam-rock'ized anthem with which we chant in unison and pump our teenage fists:
"We've got the right to choose and
There ain't no way we'll lose it
This is our life, this is our song
We'll fight the powers that be
Just don't pick our destiny 'cause
You don't know us, you don't belong
We're not gonna take it.
No, we ain't gonna take it.
We're not gonna take it anymore."
This is all rather hilarious, if you think about it. Scott Stantis -- the personification of White Male Aggression, AKA, The Man -- spent the last three years of his comic-strip-writing life as the spittle-flecked Mark Metcalf, hectoring and bullying those who disagreed with his ideological brethren.
"What kind of a man are you?," you can imagine him saying to no one in particular. He continues, "You're worthless and weak. You do nothing, you are nothing, you sit in here all day and play that sick, repulsive, electric twanger. I carried an M16 and you, you carry that, that, that, guitar! Who are you? Where do you come from? Are you listening to me? What do you wanna do with your life?!"
And now he wants to rock? He wants to fight the power these days? Mooning surveillance cameras, rallying for civil disobedience?
This guy is twisted.
Posted by CJo at 08:48 AM | Comments (3)December 19, 2007
Wednesday Evening Post
Why does Burger King, or as Carmen likes to call it, B.K., need so much security? I've got one syllable for her: Herb. The Osama Bin Laden of the fast food industry. While various fast-food vandalizing groups have popped up and been subsequently quelled, this Herb character, a homegrown terrorist who may or may not have been connected to BTK, has gone off the grid, which isn't to be confused with a contraction for griddle at all, because it seems that one could assume that he prefers griddles to flame-broilers. Let the warning be heard: First they'll come for our French Fries, and then they'll come for our Freedom Fries, and finally they'll come for our Freedom.
Posted by Sacki at 11:35 AM | Comments (3)December 18, 2007
Big Bottom
I'm sorry to report that CJo's theory from yesterday was slightly off: it wasn't Rockwell, but Gordon "Sting" Sumner that was echoing through Stantis' head over the weekend. But how awesome is CJo for actually picking up on that? Sir, you rule.
The cameras are still everywhere, but now Carmen and Winslow are fighting back. Winslow is sticking his tongue out, and Carmen...well, I'm not really sure what Lil' Stantis is doing. It would seem as though she's about to moon the camera, but maybe she's just a little too shy to give them the full moon (or even Stantis realized how creepy it would be for him to have a little girl do it - he might get away with Winslow pulling at her swimsuit bottom, but having her drop her pants is a bit much). Or maybe she's just grabbin' dem cakes, as the Junkyard Dog told me to do back in the glory days of the WWF.
Carmen says "point made," which I guess means that Stantis is saying the best way to combat the government illegally spying on us is to make funny faces so the people watching get a cheap laugh. Or something like that. For me personally the best way to fight back is to have a Senator like Chris Dodd threaten to filibuster giving the telecom industry retroactive immunity and watching as Harry Reid is forced to pull the terrible legislation because it's drawing too much attention to how far the other Dems are willing to give Bush what he wants. Thank you, Senator Dodd, for believing in a little something called the Constitution.
As for Stantis, thanks at least for not making this week's strip about the imaginary War on Christmas. Bill O'Reilly has that front covered all by himself.
Posted by The Furnace at 08:27 AM | Comments (2)December 17, 2007
Rockmiddling
Picture This:
A self-admitted sufferer of seasonal affective disorder, Stantis is in a foul winter mood: Christmas consumerism has run amok; he can't find a Wii for his 'lil Buckets; Larry Latex has replaced Baby Jesus in the world's Manger; he's been flipping and flopping like a floundering fool for months unable to get any footing in 'Prickly City'; his GOP presidential choices make him white-male-angry; he's about to go George Bailey before the holidays.
Booze doesn't cut it anymore. And the drawing markers are worn down to little nibs; no matter how hard he huffs he feels nothing.
He closes his tear-filled eyes and tries to go back to a simpler time in life when he was happy. His reverie takes him back to the Reagan White House. Suddenly he's alive with the sights and sounds of sweet sweet nostalgia.
He bolts up from the drawing board. He runs down to the basement and pulls a dusty box off a storage shelf. Inside is his collection of Cassingles. He pulls out the Kennedy William Gordy (AKA Rockwell) smash hit, "Somebody's Watching Me," and puts it in his walkman.
Back upstairs, sufficiently inspired, he writes a halfway decent strip.
Two weeks elapse. No one cares. The cycle starts again.
Posted by CJo at 11:43 AM | Comments (0)December 16, 2007
Terrifying
(PS - why would Carmen be upset with Winslow for disrupting the over-commercialization of Christmas with his little stunt? You'd think she'd be high-fiving him after a week ago, but that would mean Stantis would have an ounce of consistency in his characters.)
December 15, 2007
Lil' Miss 28% Gets Her Way - Again
Why do I get the feeling that Scott Stantis is sitting at home this weekend thinking he wrote a great series of strips this week? He felt confident enough that he had Carmen and Winslow yelling at each other for at least six days straight (hopefully Sunday will be a silly one-off, something I never thought I'd write), wrapping it up today with Winslow saying how quiet it is and Carmen telling him to shush, which is a nice way of saying "shut up."
Six days of this. Yet zero days spent on the US Attorney scandal or the outing of Valerie Plame or the story two weeks ago that the Iran NIE revealed that Iran hasn't had nuclear ambitions since 2003, and Bush lied about it (funny how the media has forgotten about THAT story).
What bothers me so much about this is that Stantis doesn't take the time to do the little things that would actually make the strip humorous. Yesterday left off with Carmen rolling up her sleeves so she could pound Winslow into submission (apparently she doesn't believe in the Harry Reid method of just giving the president everything he wants, especially if it's telecom immmunity for illegally spying on us). So wouldn't it have been funny to see Winslow today with a black eye, or his arm in a sling, or his leg in a cast, or all of the above? Instead, Winslow is just fine - if drawn rather bizarrely (check out how long his body is in the first frame, yet he's a dwarf in the last two).
The Carmen-as-bully storyline wasn't a terrible commentary on how the Republicans have been acting the past year - they filibuster almost everything, and any bills that do get through are just going to be vetoed by the bully-in-chief himself. Just a few months ago it was Trent Lott (before announcing he was going resign to make him some lobbyist money before the rules change) who was bragging that “The strategy of being obstructionist can work or fail...and so far it’s working for us.” They may be a$$holes, but at least they're proud of being a$$holes.
But it's only for a moment Carmen's shown as the bully she really is (can't have her looking like she's the one to blame for all of this). She's then portrayed as a peacemaker who finally got her way and everybody's getting along - but the stupid silly stinky liberal Winslow is whining now that things are boring now and he wants to get back to fighting. Yeah, that's the Democratic party we all know and love - willing to stand up for their beliefs and fight to the death to do what's right for their constituents. Not.
One of these days Stantis might have the nerve to admit that his Republican party is to blame for most of the nonsense going on in Washington. But then again Carmen's part is about six inches wide in that third panel, so I guess good insightful political commentary shouldn't be expected from a guy who doesn't know how to draw.
December 14, 2007
The Crime of the Ancient Mariner; or, Kubla Khan: A Rip-Off
In Prickcity did Scott Stantis
A half-assed kickball-moon design :
And Carmen the Neo-Con tot
With Winslow the liberal sot
Were reduced to endless whine.
They run across the barren ground
With fists balled-up all set to pound :
When they disagree they remove all blight,
The shouting match once strong withers on the vine ;
They punch, they kick, they pummel with the Right,
Like their creator – sunk in slime.
December 13, 2007
Pizza Pie
It occured to me while looking over today's comic strip that Prickly City is syndicated by "Universal Press Syndicate, Inc." That leads me to believe that, despite our big heads and best intentions, we may not be and may never have been the intended audience for smelling what he's cooking.
There's an entire universe out there for which the (seemingly, to us) nonsensical ramblings make perfect sense. The man in the moon, for instance - what do you think he's smiling about? The wit and wisdom of Prickly City, of course. And we don't want to piss off the moon of Earth, do we? Tidal waves tidaling, reading at night impossible, unpredictable menstruation - in a word, chaos!
And while we shall nevertheless continue to endeavor to find something to grab onto in the Prickly City comic strip, it makes you wonder....
Posted by Sacki at 11:40 AM | Comments (13)December 12, 2007
On & On
Even though out of all of the Peanuts characters, Linus is the one that I wish would go scratch the most, I will nonetheless pull a "Linus" and from my ass come forth with a biblical quote to completely bring everything to a complete halt, and as an added bonus, it pertains tangetially to this week's strip.
Out of the mouth of babes and sucklings hast thou ordained strength because of thine enemies, that thou mightest still the enemy and the avenger.
And so it was written.
And then translated.
And then copied.
And then read.
Amen.
And women.
Posted by Sacki at 09:18 AM | Comments (1)December 11, 2007
Tots Who Say "Trite"
Oh geez - a full week of this? Five days of Carmen and Winslow yelling at each other? Ugh.
My favorite part of this storyline is that it's always going to be neo-con Carmen saying "I'm tired of all the divisiveness." And in some ways she's right - the Republicans don't want to argue. They just want the Democrats to do everything King George wants them to do and shut up about it. The latest funding bill fight is evidence of that. But then of course a few panels later she's the one calling Winslow dumb.
It's amazing to me - the Republican candidates all want to act like President Bush doesn't exist. They don't talk about him in the debates, and they most definitely don't mention him in their stump speeches. The Greatest Warrior Evah is already in the history books in their minds, so let's not bring him up and all this messy stuff about Iraq and the economy. Oh, and it's always been a Democratic congress so let's blame them for everything that's wrong.
Yet they all basically side with W on the major issues. They want to stay in Iraq forever (except Ron Paul, the Dennis Kucinich of the right - translated to "the guy who will win the presidency right after I do"). More tax cuts for the rich. Illegally spying on us is a good thing. Torture is patriotic. And so on. Put them behind a screen and disguise their voices and they all sound like Bush when they talk (except when it comes to immigration, but most of them are coming around to his way of thinking now that they need those corporate dollars to be competitive).
Stantis is the same way. When was the last time he mentioned the Glorius Leader? When was the last time Carmen talked about how wonderful President Bush is and how if you don't support him, you don't support the troops, and you hate America? I'm just in awe of the Republican party, where only Karl Rove is talking about Bush - everybody else is acting like he's the crazy uncle nobody brings up unless he's done something so stupid they can't ignore it (like lying about the Iran NIE - but thanks to their buddies in the media they're doing a good job of ignoring that too).
Maybe this is Stantis' way of showing that it really is the Republican party that's causing all the problems in our political scene today. Maybe he finally realizes that while the conservatives like Carmen are always talking about wanting to work together and be "bipartisan" they're really the ones who yank the football away every time the Charlie Brown Democrats try to kick it, and insist that they do what President Bush wants if they ever want to kick it. Maybe Stantis is finally sitting down and thinking about his strips and in a clever, politically relevant way getting his message across.
Nah. Stantis thinks it's funny to have Carmen and Winslow yell at each other, and as long as he shows Carmen as the one who really wants to work things out he thinks he's painting the world in beautiful neo-con red. It's just how he is - untalented and unfunny.
Ahh - finally, something I think we can all agree on.
Posted by The Furnace at 09:59 AM | Comments (4)
December 10, 2007
At Last We Agree
Mean
Wrong
Stupid
Dumb
Wimpy
Nuts
Tired
Yes, sir. That is 'Prickly City' in a nutshell.
Nice strip, Scott Stantis.
Posted by CJo at 09:03 AM | Comments (6)December 09, 2007
I Couldn't Have Summed Up Bush Republicans Any Better Myself
Uh oh. Stantis is getting all philosophical on us again. Never a good sign.
Today he's either referencing a Brazilian proverb, or he's misquoting George Herbert (who actually said "He THAT knows nothing, doubts nothing"). Yeah, it's a nitpick. Then again I guess it proves the proverb, showing that Stantis really doesn't know anything so he doesn't doubt that he's right about the quote.
Ultimately this is just an attempt at a lame twist on the old Bugs Bunny gag of walking off a cliff and hanging in mid-air because he doesn't have to follow the law of gravity since he never studied law. It's not terrible or anything, which is better than anything else Stantis has done this week. It's just not all that funny either.
However it is funny if you laugh at how terrible Stantis' drawing is in this strip. That bizarre moon makes yet another appearance - even though it's the middle of the day. Carmen's bike doesn't have spokes - until the last panel, where only half the wheel has them. For some reason there's a pharmacist's mixing bowl at the bottom of the ramp. And so on.
I guess Stantis decided it would be too much work to come up with more than what are basically single panel strips this weekend. Yesterday it was a store, today it's the desert. The pattern with Stantis seems to be that if he's going to spend a lot of time drawing he only uses one panel like this weekend, but if he has a lot to say we're lucky if he takes the time to draw both Carmen and Winslow standing against a blank background like we had during the week. Gee, I'm so happy that he gets paid to devote so much of his time to making the best strip possible.
So what's on tap for this week? What Republican scandal will Stantis avoid? He's got lots to choose from, but I'm thinking we'll get a week of the War on Christmas. It is December after all. Offer up your own guesses in the comments section if you're so inclined. Or not - I can't expect our readers to make any effort to write something if Stantis never does.
***
Now that I think about it (yeah, I know - probably should have done that before writing this entry - sorry), this is an extremely timely strip for this week and feels like Stantis could have drawn it just a few days ago. That's when President Bush claimed he hadn't seen the NIE that said Iran stopped their quest for a nuclear weapons program back in 2003. Bush said he hadn't heard the details about the NIE until LAST WEEK, so that's why he spent the last few months talking about how Iran is the next great threat and is looking to start World War 3. Although that's in doubt since word is Bush actually knew about the NIE in August, and the slight change in wording he used in his speeches from that point on would indicate that knowledge. So there's your proof that this quote is fitting for our own President: he claimed to know nothing about Iran's nuclear ambitions, so he didn't doubt that we Americans would believe him when he said they were going to start World War 3. Yup - Bush Republicans know nothing, so they doubt nothing this administration says.
December 08, 2007
Maybe She Can Buy Stantis A Clue While She's There
I have no idea what Stantis is talking about in today's Prickly City.
Maybe he went into a store at the mall and they were trying to dump all of the "USA - Love It Or Leave It (Unless You're A Dirty Brown Person)" t-shirts and came up with this gem of a strip. I dunno. But it sure doesn't make any sense to me. Maybe because I haven't been spending much time in malls lately since I don't have the disposable income a big time syndicated comic strip writer has.
At first I thought that Winslow was having a fire sale of all the stuff he put together for his campaign. That would have made sense, since Stantis seems to have (once again) given up on Winston's candidacy. But nope - this is apparently a real store in Prickly City. Having a 4th of July sale. In December.
Remember: he gets paid to do this.
What's even cheekier is that Lil' Miss America-Lover herself Carmen is the one who has the "witty" punchline saying that things can get worse. Yeah, I remember all those times it was Carmen saying that we shouldn't question the patriotism of people who question George W. Bush or the war in Iraq, and all of those storylines where she criticized Republicans for saying if you don't support the president, you support the terrorists. Carmen's well known for that sort of thing. Ahem.
Also keep in mind that it was only yesterday that Carmen was saying that she just wanted everybody to get along and it was liberal Winslow who was obsessed with getting "stuff" for Christmas. Yet here she is the very next day at the mall with Winslow buying stuff.
This might go down as one of the worst weeks in the history of Prickly City. And that's REALLY saying something.
Posted by The Furnace at 10:34 AM | Comments (0)December 07, 2007
In Excelsis Deo
So lemme get this straight.
Carmen, that nattering nabob of negativism, that dilettante and slut, that Ann Coulter-as-Subject-of-Term-Paper-Writing smug-nosed, sour-pussed, hair-part-splitting neo-con tot, continues her plea to mankind, as exasperated at all the Haters in the world as Rodney King, spouting, "I just want everyone to get along."
And Winslow is a greedy bastard. Maybe not War Profiteering Greedy of the Defense Contractor or Oil Company kind. His is a more insidious type of greed. Winslow's consumer greed threatens the spirit of the season -- the very fabric of our nation! -- which is peace and goodwill toward men, and everyone getting along, and buying a Coke for each other, and understanding different viewpoints, and respecting those who have the temerity to want to help those in need by offering them affordable healthcare even if it is on the government's dime, and such and such.
So Scott Stantis and Carmen have turned a new leaf? They are now full of peace and love for all mankind? Is this the Christmas miracle we've been waiting on our entire lives? Is this what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown?
Angels we have heard...while high.
Posted by CJo at 09:46 AM | Comments (2)December 06, 2007
Goodwill Hunting
Even Stantis found his newspaper series so worthless that he stopped mid-stream. I would venture to say that most comic strip writers would crumple-up a three-day go-nowhere series with no beginning, middle, end or even a point and shoot the wad into the refuse bin. But instead he sends it in for publication.
But that doesn't explain his editors at the syndicate. How does anyone look at the last three days and approve for publication? It's just appalling, from top-to-bottom, from brain synapse firing to pen tip scribbling to FedEx-to-Universal Press Syndicate to mindless-rubber-stamp approval.
And Scott wonders why the newspaper industry is struggling?
Anyway, at least Carmen reminds us what the Season is all about. Peace in the United States of America and Good Will toward Christians.
Posted by CJo at 08:45 AM | Comments (2)December 05, 2007
I'd Say We Wish That We Knew What We Know Now When We Were Younger, But 1. We Were Never Younger, Just Less Handsome and 2. We Did Know, Kinda Like The News About A Middle Eastern Country & Their Nuclear Weapons Capabilities
This date in Shrubville history -December 5, 2004:
No column was published! We didn't yet have anybody with the testicular virility around like the solid and reliable The Furnace at that point to provide us with Weekend Updates the like of which hadn't been since the similarly propulsively named Charles Rocket. A mere 5 months after the debut of the Prickly City, and only 2 1/2 months after the conception of Shrubville, there was still a glimmer of hope that it would be a quick and easy task to ferret out the idiocy of PC and watch it fade, fade, fade away. Somehow this rat bastard of a strip is going to outlive us all, however, much like the death of newspapers is much overexagerrated.
The CJo's analysis at that point:
I realize that by proclaiming Stantis creatively bankrupt I, too, am repeating myself. But I will continue to repeat this charge if Scott Stantis continues to repeat, rip-off, rerun, regurgitate, rehash, and re-be-an-idiot.
As true today as it was when it was written.
Thus concludes THIS DAY IN SHRUBVILLE HISTORY.
Posted by Sacki at 10:07 AM | Comments (4)December 04, 2007
What's Zero Times Anything?
Has Toby been laid off or something? Did he do half the work on Prickly City and Stantis never told us?
Carmen/Stantis is once again bitching about newspapers being forced to scale back their staffs in a cost-cutting measure, so settle in for a week of this. Winslow is still gone, which means that Carmen is going to have to "work twice as hard for the same amount of money and be pithy and funny."
From the American Heritage Dictionary:
pith-y (adj): Precisely meaningful; forceful and brief: a pithy comment.
Has Stantis EVER been pithy? We know he's never been funny. Is he suggesting that Winston was the funny one and she was the pithy one?* If that's the case, mission not accomplished. So no amount of "hard work" as our President says is going to salvage this wasteland of neo-con blather.
(*This statement by Carmen would have been much easier to decipher if Stantis had simply underlined the word "and" between pithy and funny. But nope - guess we'll never know what he really meant. Probably because he was once again afraid to take a stand on something and admit that Carmen isn't ever really funny. But then again, neither is Wilson.)
As was pointed out in the comments yesterday, this is pretty much ground already covered by Stantis. Several times. Back in June he had their jobs outsourced to India. And in October he talked about Rupert Murdoch buying out the newspaper that they "work" at. I still don't understand the concept Stantis is going with here - that somehow Carmen and Winslow are employed by the local Prickly City newspaper, and that's why they're in the strip. Are they characters working locally, or for Stantis? Doesn't matter. Prickly City has never been pithy and it's never been funny. It's just been a waste of space. And he can work twice as hard as he already does, there's no way Stantis is going to make something out of this nothing.
December 03, 2007
Who knew that the simple act of turning her head back and forth would give Carmen Jughead's elongated nose and a Hitler mustache.
Who knew that news editors were in charge of cutting comic strip characters.
What a special treat it is to learn something new from today's Prickly City.
December 02, 2007
Worst. Drawing of a Bat. Ever.
I find it interesting that Scott Stantis can devote five days to attacking Arianna Huffington because she has a blog where people can post their thoughts for free, and then spends one day criticizing Rudy "Sex On The City" Giuliani and one day on the 9/11 truth seekers. Gee, of those three topics which do you think has the most potential? I'm betting nobody would say "making Arianna sound like a German dominatrix." But as our president would say it's "hard work" actually having to do research on things like who could be our next president or what really happened on 9/11.
As for the 9/11 "conspiracy theorists," I have a simple solution: give us all the facts. The only reason people have to form theories about events like this is because the government refuses to share with the public all of the evidence. Why the secrecy? The 9/11 Commission was a joke, and if I remember correctly it was supposed to be a two part report and they decided they didn't need the second part. There are so many things that happened that morning that have never been explained believably that of course people are going to wonder what the heck went on and if our government had something to do with it or let it happen so they could have their own Pearl Harbor event like PNAC suggested.
And for those of you that say, "Conspiracy? Pushaw - our government could never conceal a conspiracy like that" I'd like to point out a few little conspiracies like taking us to war with Iraq, opening secret prisons around the world to hold people without criminal charges, and the outing of a CIA agent. People are just now accepting that those were conspiracies, but is anybody doing anything about punishing the people behind them? Heck even Scooter Libby got his sentence commuted, and now we learn that the President himself lied to then-White House Spokesman Scott McClellan about his personal involvement. If the President and Vice President were involved in a conspiracy to commit treason by outing the CIA agent who was a part of the investigation of the nuclear capabilities of Iraq and Iran, whose to say they're completely innocent when it comes to 9/11?
I don't know. Nobody knows for sure. And that's my point. The facts have dribbled out about Iraq and the prisons and torture, and they've been slow to come out on 9/11, but there are far too many unanswered questions about that day for people to simply chalk up conspiracy talk to a few nuts wearing tinfoil hats.
The one big issue for me that has always made me question what exactly happened that day has been the collapse of the third World Trade Center tower. What's that you say? Only two buildings fell down? Don't feel bad - even my own Dad didn't remember that WTC 7 fell into its own footprint even though it wasn't hit by a plane and it was across the street and behind another building from the two main towers. So far the only explanation given was that there was a fire in the basement(?), and I'm sorry - that doesn't cut it. So call me a conspiracy theorist, but until someone explains how a steel structure can collapse like that when no other steel building in history has fallen due simply to fire, I'm going to question it.
I won't even get into the scrambling of only two fighter jets when four planes were hijacked.
But really we already have proof that this government knew there was a potential for attacks and did nothing about it, which would mean they were "conspiring" to do nothing in the face of imminent terrorist attacks. The August 6th PDB. The July meeting with Conde and Ashcroft. The Minnesota FBI agent who realized that people on the terrorist watch list trying to take flying lessons yet nobody listened to her. Ashcroft suddently taking private aircraft that summer after flying on commercial jets up until then. There are plenty of things that we know for sure happened that let us know that this government had warnings that something bad was going to happen, yet they did nothing. Does that make it a conspiracy to bring down the towers and hit the Pentagon? I don't know. And that's the whole point.
So go ahead Stantis, call people who want to know the truth "batty." Crack jokes about the deaths of nearly 3000 people on US soil because our government didn't do everything in its power to stop it. Hardy har. Maybe next week you can make jokes about those silly conspiracy theorists that think our government lied us into war in Iraq. Oh wait - that would be more hard work - best you spend the next five days making fun of Nancy Pelosi's looks.
Posted by The Furnace at 09:58 AM | Comments (1)December 01, 2007
This Has Been Another Edition Of "Republicans Eating Their Own"
Ah yes, the "Rudy is really a Democrat" talking point. Stantis spent a week making fun of Arianna Huffington instead of talking about Winslow's support of Rudy? Priorities, mister.
Okay, let's go over this so even a numbskull like Stantis can get it through his thick head. On social issues, yes, Rudy would be considered somewhat liberal (if you listen to the old Rudy and not the flip-flopper we currently have). He was pro-choice and in favor of gay and lesbian rights (even living with a gay couple) while he was mayor.
And, well, that's about it for the "Democratic" Rudy.
As for the rest of his positions on the issues, Rudy is a neo-con even further to the right than Bush OR Cheney. His quest for an imperial presidency makes them look like amateurs. Heck he even tried to have an imperial mayorship, suggesting that they "postpone" the NYC mayoral election after 9/11 because people were still grieving after the attacks (something I wonder if W is considering himself in late 2008).
Salon writer Glenn Greenwald has done some pretty extensive writing on Giuliani's quest to be king. A good place to start is with Glenn's appropriately titled column "The Giuliani Moderation Fallacy." And here's another link from a few weeks ago, where inside there are more links to other columns he's written on Rudy's push for to be Almight Ruler. Want a guy in favor of torture? Support a candidate who wants to blow up Iran RIGHT NOW? How about a president who's okay with tossing American citizens into prison without trials? I don't see any of the current Democratic candidates holding those positions, but our Republican Rudy is right at home with those extreme Republican policies.
As Glenn says, just because a guy is left on a couple of social issues and extremely far right on everything else doesn't balance out to make him a moderate Democrat like Winslow/Stantis claims. Kinda like saying a guy who gives abandoned puppies a home is a nice guy, except for the part where he beats them to death with a ball ping hammer. The two don't cancel each other out to give us a decent guy.
This week we also found out about Rudy's business ties to countries that serve as a safe haven for al Qaeda. Business relationships he established AFTER 9/11. I guess 9/11 is the most important thing evah, unless there's money to be made. Nothing more Republican than making money. Just ask Trent Lott, who's resigning after just winning another term in the Senate so he can become a lobbyist before the rules change at the end of the year. It's all for the people - unless he can make an extra buck for himself. It's a war against "Islamo-fascism" - unless one of the countries harboring them has money they want to put into Rudy's pockets.
So go ahead Stantis - preach on that Rudy isn't your guy and he's really a Democrat. Have Winslow throw his support to him (second best Dem? really?) instead of Obama or Edwards or heck even Hillary. I have to admit you really lucked out this time, considering the revelations that Rudy charged his trysts with his then-mistress and current wife to the tax payers of NYC - those are "liberal" values, right? Unless you ask David Vitter, or Newt Gingrich, or Rush Limbaugh, or...well the list goes on and on of the Republicans that cheat on their wives. Do your best to paint Rudy as a Dem.
Since we already know you support Mike Huckabee. You know, the "conservative" that while governor of Arkansas helped to free a serial killer who then went on to rape and kill again. If those are the "Republican" values you want in a president, you go right ahead.
But gee, by your logic Stantis since Huckabee pulled a Willie Horton, then I guess he should be the third best Democratic choice, right?
picture courtesy of JB