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September 06, 2007
I Had a Dream, I Had an Awesome Dream
One night I had a dream. I dreamt I was walking along the beach with Jesus and Scott Stantis.
Across the sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene, I noticed three sets of footprints in the sand. One belonged to me, one to Jesus, and the other to Scott Stantis.
When the last scene of my life flashed before me, I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that many times along the path of my life, there was only one set of footprints. I also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in my life.
This really bothered me and I questioned Jesus about it.
"Hey Jebus," I said, "You said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you the most you would leave me."
The Lord replied, "My precious CJo, I love you and would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then I carried you."
"Wow," I said. "Thanks, dude. But where was Stantis during those times of trouble?"
"Oh him," Jesus said, rolling his eyes. "He had to stop walking during your times of trouble because he was doubled over in laughter. He really enjoys tweaking liberals and seculars and the like. But, man, send one cross word his way and he goes apeshit."
"That's kind of hypocritical, isn't it, Yahweh?" I asked.
Jesus chuckled. "Tell me about it. But I tolerate his presence. In fact, I love him like I love everyone and everything! That's what being Jesus is all about. Not like those Evangelicals would have you believe. To them it's either Believe (their particular brand of religion) or Burn. That's utter bullshit. So when you hear Scott Stantis and others complain about the 'Seculars' making fun of the believers, don't buy it. Sure, maybe some folks (secular or otherwise) mock the fanatical, but the fanatics are ripe for mocking; they get about 85% of my teachings dead wrong."
"OK, cool. Hey, listen. My legs are getting tired. Could you carry me just up over that hill? Thanks, dude; you're awesome."
Comments
Nice.
Posted by: The Furnace at September 6, 2007 10:36 AM
Tomorrow: "Why is it that you drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?"
Saturday: "Why do they call it rush hour when the car barely moves?
Sunday: Strip that has nothing to do with any of this.
Monday: "If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, how come there are locks on the doors?"
Tuesday: "If a train stops at a train station, what happens at a work station?"
Wednesday: "How come people who vote against gay rights turn out to be gay themselves?" Oh, wait, we'll never see that one.
Posted by: Annie at September 6, 2007 10:42 AM
Hey, the bowling ball is back in the pig's mouth (panels 1 & 2).
Say you? Say me.
Posted by: vesti at September 6, 2007 12:47 PM
