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July 31, 2007
Redefining Lazy
Wow. Talk about phoning it in. Just when I thought Stantis couldn't get any lazier he tops himself. FOUR frames showing a building that was revealed as Winslow's campaign headquarters YESTERDAY? Is that the only reason you showed it on Monday, Stantis? So you could take today off? Supposedly the biggest day of the year in Prickly City, and Stantis can't be bothered with actually doing anything. Nice. How can I get a job like that?
What's terrific is that even without spending more than a few minutes creating the strip, it's STILL confusing. One positive is that instead of typing "AWWWWWWW" like he would in the past, this time he has someone say "AHHHHHHH." However there isn't any kind of punctuation, so we're left to wonder - is that a sigh? Or is someone inside the building screaming? Who knows, who cares - at least that's how Stantis feels.
I'm just amazed at how Stantis has lost complete interest in his own month-long story arc. He really could care less. And I doubt he's thought ahead about where all of this is going. It's a primary, not the be-all-end-all of the campaign, so Winslow could lose and still go to Iowa...and New Hampshire...and California...and Florida...and then to Washington DC...YEAAHHHH!!! But will Stantis address the Howard Dean strategy? Doubtful. Because he obviously could care less about Prickly City anymore. It's just a paycheck to him. It's as if he's been told he has to keep doing it because the newspapers need a neo-con comic strip, no matter how unfunny or poorly drawn. So he just keeps churning out this crap, and people are expected to read it and enjoy it. Advice to those who do read it and enjoy it: get help. And please, don't reproduce.
Uh oh...looks like Rodimus Prime found out what Stantis was doing instead of working on Prickly City...
July 30, 2007
The Ho Before the Hum
A real head-scratcher, today's strip. I'd say I don't get it but that gives too much credit to the author. There's no it there to get. It's just one additional day of padding until the primary tomorrow. And then -- you can book it; you heard it here first -- a week of disputed election returns.
I can't wait.
Posted by CJo at 01:45 PM | Comments (6)July 29, 2007
It's Been Done
The first time I remember seeing it was in "The Naked Gun." Then the Simpsons did it when Homer was wearing that motion-capture dog costume. Heck, that one CNN anchor even did it. But it's just par for the course for Scott Stantis, a guy who wouldn't know an original joke if it bit him on the butt (after swimming up the toilet from the sewer, of course).
And geez louise - check out the drawing in today's strip! Where to start? This is arguably Stantis's most ambitious drawing to date, and it goes to show that just because you've been doing something for years, it doesn't mean you're going to get any better at it.
First off, "who's" is short for "who is" - the possessive is "whose." Do they not spellcheck this crap?
The rest of the strip is scribbled just enough so we get an idea of what's happening, but it's really just one big mess. I personally love that because the rest of the strip isn't busy enough that Stantis puts "ZZ" on the blimp for no reason. I mean the whole thing isn't horrible, but compare that to this morning's "Opus" where an artist who prides himself on his work puts together something that looks great while Stantis can't be bothered to draw more than two or three heads that actually look like human beings.
A question: why exactly are all of these people coming to listen to Winslow speak? Because he's a local boy? Because of his awesome platform of "Free Paris and invade Canada?" Or are the people of Prickly City so stupid that they hear he's raised the most money so they'll listen to anything he says? Frustration, thy name is Stantis.
Finally this nightmare will be over on Tuesday. Winslow can lose this thing and we can move on. I can't believe it, but I'm actually looking forward to Grampa Stantis bitching about his obsession with blond teenage girls in thongs and his hate for technology. Anything will be better than a month-long storyline with so much potential that instead has become one big clusterf*ck.
July 28, 2007
Swift Boat...Swift Coat...Swift Doat...Swift Goat! (This Has Been Another Installment of "How Stantis Does Comedy")
Wait a minute - that's it??? After three days of the Swift "Goat" Veterans for Truth it's dropped like a rock in favor of a lame, told way too many times joke about shaking a baby and kissing a hand instead of vice versa?
Hey Stantis, you know what would have been nice? If you have told us WHAT WINSLOW HAD BEEN ACCUSED OF DOING!!! I guess we're all just supposed to assume that at some point Winslow had eaten a coyote...um, when would that be? When he was younger? I thought he was a pup, which makes it highly unlikely he was out in the desert hunting down wild animals. Not to mention that this is the same coyote who was completely out of place when hanging out with real coyotes a year ago. Argh.
So for THREE DAYS Stantis gave us a bunch of strips because "goat" rhymes with "boat," and that in his mind his high comedy. "Ya see, Winslow's a coyote - coyotes eat animals - goats are animals - it's gold, Jerry!" HE GETS PAID FOR THIS.
And just to rub it in our faces he acts as if the past three days never happened, going right into Winslow shaking hands with the public and not even worrying about the "scandal" that rocked his campain all week. But never fear, Stantis has another way to piss us off: terrible drawing!
Marvel...as Winslow's arm magically stretches more than Mr. Fantastic's. Be astounded...as Carmen's part expands and contracts a good six inches. Be perplexed...by how Stantis writes the word "Why" in the third panel - at first I thought Winslow was saying "No way." Be confused...by Carmen's "finger" in the last panel. Be even more confused...as to why Winslow is smelling his finger in that last panel. Once again I say - he gets paid for this.
Wait a minute - I think I just figured it out. Oh wow - it all makes so much more sense now! Scott Stantis is really...
Alberto Gonzales!!!
That's why he can't be fired! The Bush Administration will never fire him! He knows too much, and he's too valuable a tool for the neo-cons in the White House. Considering Gonzo doesn't seem to do any work that he actually remembers doing, odds are instead he's spending all of his time writing and drawing this crappy strip. It's starting to make perfect sense.
Can we demand that Scott Stantis be impeached too?
Posted by The Furnace at 08:23 AM | Comments (0)July 27, 2007
Dunkin' Hunter
Being unable (and, frankly, unwilling) to respond to this whole Swift Goat storyline any further, I thought I'd pretend to be Herr Stantis and take the Pick Your Candidate quiz on his behalf. I realize this is a silly exercise. I don't know this guy Scott Stantis. I don't know much about his personal political beliefs. All I can go on is what I've gleaned about his beliefs from his comic strips, The Buckets and Prickly City. In short: he's a pig-headed loon who will bristle at the fact I've called him a pig-headed loon while at the same time engage in name-calling of his own; he doesn't like being taxed; he digs thongs, especially for teenage girls and coyotes; he ain't so fond of women who hold positions of power; he can't spell for shit and his command of grammar is appalling for someone in the newspaper industry, which would be OK if he could draw well, which he can't; he likes drinking Pina Coladas and getting caught in the rain; he's not into yoga; he has, at minimum, half-a-brain; he likes making love at Midnight in the dunes at the Cape; if you or anyone feels the same and likes out-of-date references, please email him and escape.
So based on those factors -- that sketch of a man -- and choosing answers thusly, the candidate the computer has chosen for Scott Stantis is...
Duncan L. Hunter, Rightwing NumaNumaJob
July 26, 2007
VH1 Presents: I Love the '04s
It's never a good sign Shrubville-column-writing-wise when the "Prickly City" in question leaves me shrugging my shoulders in a great, big fat "huh?" So I fired up my trusty Firefox version 1.5.01 web browser and directed it to this new, hot online encyclopedia called Wikipedia. I searched for "Numa Numa." But before I got too far in my research, I got a message from one of my Friendster pals that there's an awesome new video viralling around the web featuring John Kerry and George W. Bush jibbing and jabbing at each other. "I'm a liberal wiener," Kerry says. "I'm a right-wing nutjob," Bush replies. Hilarious. (Speaking of hilarious, did anyone catch Matt LeBlanc's "Joey" the other night? That dude's going to be rolling in syndication cash in five years.)
At any rate, Numa Numa. Ha ha ha ha. I get it now. YouTube is awesome. Check out the one with that guy doing all those funny dances.
OK, I'm off to the new Harry Potter movie...Prisoner of Azkaban, here I come!
Posted by CJo at 09:15 AM | Comments (1)July 25, 2007
Kidding Around
Swift Goat Veterans. Pardon my language, but moldy flippin grits, that is horrible on so many levels, and with so few emergency exits.
So what do I do here? Do I charge ahead and completely cast aside any reservations about digging into an out of date punchline, do I ignore it and address other issues in the strip, what do I do?
I take the Pick Your Candidate online test to see who's who and what's what. Incidentally, Winslow didn't make the cut; Kucinich, however, seems right up my alley, same as 3 years ago. I didn't need a quiz for that. Pardon my language again, but it just burns my grass that thoughtful, reasonable folks voted for the 'electability' of Kerry over their ideal choice; how'd that work out?
Posted by Sacki at 10:26 AM | Comments (2)July 24, 2007
The Final Countdown
Seriously, make sure you at least watch through the singer's first few lines. Classic. At least he's a better singer than Stantis is a comic strip artist. And you gotta love the Coleco keyboards.
As if on cue, Stantis answers the question I posed in yesterday's comments. Next Tuesday is apparently the Prickly City primary, and an entire nation holds its collective breath wondering what's going to happen.
No, really - what the heck IS Stantis going to do?
For the first time in the history of Prickly City (CJo can correct me if I'm wrong on this), Stantis has devoted several days a week to a storyline that's been running for over a month now. He's actually going to see through the concept that Prickly City is holding the first primary of the 2008 presidential campaign. I know, I'm just as shocked as you are.
But what exactly has he done with this storyline? Winslow "debated" some of the other candidates, but really there was only a few lame "Hillary's a witch" and "Obama has no ideas" jokes that felt like they came off the top of Stantis's head (which is pretty much where all of the jokes in PC come from - I doubt the guy even knows what the term "rewrite" means). What else? Winslow gave us his platform - the oh-so-topical "Free Paris" and "Let's invade Canada," neither of which was funny. So Stantis just threw them out there once or twice for easy laughs and then moved on to more Cindy Sheehan bashing. Isn't it sad that he's spent more strips on going after Cindy Sheehan than Hillary Clinton over the past month?
Talk about a wasted opportunity. Winslow could have gone after each of the Democratic candidates, trashed the lefties' plans for the future, and shored up his own Republican base by talking up all of the great ideas the righties have (remember when Carmen came on board Winslow's campaign so she could spew her own neo-con talking points, and then didn't? Good times). But instead we got strips like today's where Carmen asks how Winslow's doing, and he's nervous. Whooweee, that's comedy.
So what happens now? I'm guessing they cancel the primary when they realize that Prickly City is...well, a city, and cities don't hold primaries. If Stantis was daring he'd actually carry through the storyline, maybe having the election too close to call and spending weeks on the recount. Or have Obama and Clinton split the vote and somehow Winslow wins. But no - Stantis won't do that. It's been obvious for some time now that he's bored with the storyline and could care less. That's why he had Carmen join in - and do nothing other than set Winslow up for a few lame jokes like today's. And I guess it serves me right. I'm the one that's been pushing for a year that Stantis spend more time on longer storylines, and Stantis did it - and botched it even worse than his one-offs about blond teenage girls in thongs. Way to go Stantis: you set the bar low, and accomplished your lowly objectives. Next up - a third character? It'll give Stantis another name to forget.
July 23, 2007
Like Cindy Sheehan, I Have Returned
Good to be back, good to be back. Good to see you all. Lookin' good, folks. Everyone doing good? Good, good.
And what a warm welcome back from Scott Stantis today, too. What a delight to once again read the jibes from Uncle Scott, playfully ruffling the hair of l'il liberals everywhere.
Cindy Sheehan is back and she's demanding cameras. What a media whore. She lied and reason died. Stick it to her, Uncle Scott. No one deserves your playful attention more than Cindy Sheehan. How DARE she turn her son's death into a political movement. Who does she think she is? A 9/11 widow?
So give her those noogies, those grundies, those Indian burns. Tease and jibe. Kid'n'play. Slap and tickle.
Just make sure it's in the spirit of good nature. Otherwise, Uncle Scott, you're a raving mad dickwad prick son-of-a-cock.
Posted by CJo at 08:33 AM | Comments (2)July 22, 2007
WINSTON For President
Forget about today's Prickly City. It's actually not terrible, and is a nice surprise on Throwaway Sunday (which continues to reflect the current storyline, which must be just to piss off Pellucid). No, the real excitement is in the podcast, which Jeff kindly pointed out is back in the comments from yesterday's post. What makes it exciting?
Scott Stantis refers to Winslow the Coyote as WINSTON.
That's right - the guy can't even remember the name of his own character. One of only TWO in his whole freakin' strip. Congrats, Stantis - you just proved my point that we here at Shrubville spend more time on PC than you do. At least we remember their names.
The lamest part is easily Stantis's response to Jeff's letter, where they swear they lost the "second" page of his email. If you'll read the email below, and if you know anything about technology, there's no freakin' way it was a two page email that could be conveniently cut when the topic gets too critical for Stantis to handle. Then Stantis lies about Sheehan, saying she's going after Pelosi because she's too conservative (it's because Pelosi won't go after Bush and get us out of Iraq, as promised) and then basically calls her a media pig and "fair game." Way to avoid the difficult part of Jeff's email, Stantis. I'm sure it's much easier to go after the mom of a dead soldier than actually respond to someone with a legitimate criticism of your strip.
I had forgotten how painful the podcasts really are. Talk about trying too hard. However, it did make me look forward to my new "Winston for President" bumper sticker. I'd suggest a new slogan for Stantis though: "Winston '08 - Hopefully YOU'LL Remember His Name."
July 21, 2007
WTF? Part 467
Reading today's Prickly City, do you get the sense that there's a whole lot going on in Stantis's mind when he dreams up these storylines but he just doesn't take the time to actually draw them? For example, it seems as though Stantis has it in his head that poor Winslow is so distraught and broken down after smashing his iPhone that he's laying around the house in his underwear, unable to function. But his good friend Carmen comes to his rescue, lifting him up and sending him back out into the real world full of confidence once again. What she doesn't expect though is that Winslow has been lolligagging around the house in a thong! Ewww! Ha ha! Now his little butt cheeks are flapping in the breeze as he bounces down the street, full of life and vigor again now that she's convinced him he's no longer a victim of technology. But maybe in that thong he IS a bit of a fashion victim! ;-)
Problem. NONE OF THAT APPEARS IN THE STRIP. The only things we get are 1) Carmen lifting Winslow up 2) Winslow running off 3) Carmen telling us that Winslow is prancing around in a thong.
Is it laziness? An inability to communicate what he's thinking? A combination of the two? Probably that last option, since Stantis seems to have a whole lot going on in that neo-con brain of his, but half the time he doesn't make any sense and the other half he can't be bothered to actually explain what he means (like today).
It's just a shame that some people will think today's strip is funny simply because Carmen says the word "thong." Maybe tomorrow's punchline will just be Winslow standing there saying "booger." High brow humor at its finest. The only difference is that Winslow actually has a nose, whereas the rest of the time he never wears clothes so the idea of him in a thong isn't exactly sensical to begin with. But whatever. Grampa Stantis still hates technology and still isn't funny, so I guess in some ways all is still right with the world.
Until Cheney takes over as President while Bush gets a probe shoved up his rectum later this afternoon.
July 20, 2007
Holy flerping schnitt, check out that first panel today, if you haven't yet - they're walking on the sun. That achievement, moreso than any other platitudes or platforms laid out by the Winslow over the past decade or so of Prickly City's existence, speaks to his ability to be an effective leader, president of the United States even. Why does he continue to wither and waste away in an obscure little bufu town, worrying about his personal effects, when he has the ability to WALK ON THE SUN?
In other news, what's going on with Garfield? I know I haven't read that strip in about 20 years, but really, I must start reading it again if they're putting out a quality product like this:
I tells ya, that's quality stuff right there, almost Achewood good. So, rotting corpse of Jim Davis: keep up the fine work.
Also, you fine, fine Shrubville readers out there, fear not, for our intrepid leader, CJo, is MacArthuring on Monday. And I...will fade away.
Posted by Sacki at 09:53 AM | Comments (2)July 19, 2007
I'm Trying To Use The Phone
Sure, Winslow, the new phone is what's next, but do you know "Who's Now?"
As good reader, and hopefully well reader (but not well digger), John pointed out yesterday, "Remember about 2 or 3 weeks ago when the iPhone was big news and Stantis managed to have one timely comic strip? This is the long-awaited follow up." Hey, a follow-up to a follow-up! Fanstantic!
Fanstantic. That's the new word on the street used as an antonym for 'fantastic' by the way. Fantastic = excellent, wonderful; fanstantic = poor, unpleasant, terrible.
I give today's strip an F --- for Fanstantic.
Posted by Sacki at 10:12 AM | Comments (1)July 18, 2007
I Saved 50 Cents But Lost My Mind
So I was up and about earlier this morning and I happened across a copy of my least-favorite local newspaper and noticed that it no longer featured Prickly City. I guess I forgot about that, but then again, it goes to show how often I read an actual print copy of the paper, but maybe that'll change, since they know what the people want, or don't want, as the case may be.
After not finding it in the paper, I turned to the website, which, of course, costs 50 cents less. What did I see when I got there? Winslow acting like a loony lefty, of course. Look at those first three panels: he could be any Democrat, the way he's acting shifty and sly - in fact, at first I mistook him for Obama.
In the second panel, it appeared that he was trying to copy the movements of the guy in the first panel but failing badly, leading me to conclude at that point that no, it wasn't Obama, but Biden. Definitely Biden.
The third panel came around and I felt silly once again; looking at the back of his head that HAD to be John Edwards. Okay, now I'm wondering "where is this going, how will this pay off?"
Finally, I recognize where this is going. It's Winslow doing his Bill Richardson impersonation. There's the inverted exclamation mark, the knowing what people want, the thought bubbles, the "v 2.0." Classic Bill Richardson.
I look forward to saving another 50 cents tomorrow and checking in on the free website to see what hilarity ensues tomorrow when Prickly City takes on Hillary, Dodd, Kucinich and Gravel.
Posted by Sacki at 09:49 AM | Comments (4)July 17, 2007
Scott Stantis And His Unhealthy Obsession
TODAY'S TRIP IN THE WAYBACK MACHINE
Today might be the most painful example yet of how behind the times Stantis is with his "social commentary." He's still milking the Paris-is-free storyline, and it still doesn't make any sense.
Paris did her time. Yeah, there was that weird part where she got out early, but she went right back in, shut up and served her sentence, then got back out. She actually did the right thing and even seems like a better person now (well, until she wore her own face on a t-shirt - guess the ego is still firmly in place).
So what the heck is Stantis trying to accomplish with this week's series of strips? Yeah Paris is free - but Winslow wanted her out I'm guessing because he thought she shouldn't have been in jail in the first place. But now that she's done the time, why do they keep acting like she got let out early like he wanted? Did Stantis write these strips during that two day period when she was out, or when she finished her sentence? And on top of that, he offers up a "joke" about pre-emptively defending Lindsay. Um, Stantis, Lindsay actually just finished up a stint in rehab and was last seen drinking water and Red Bull while out on the town. Granted there's a good chance she'll relapse (that's the sad thing about being an alcoholic and an addict), but should you really be making jokes at the expense of a girl who's actually trying to deal with her problems?
Yeah, I know - it's okay because he's going after that whole "cult of celebrity." But I think the American public in general is sick and tired of the whole mess. Look at the lack of reaction when Paris did walk out of jail a free woman. No huge deal was made - it's like, "Oh, she did do her time? Good for her. Now get us the f*** out of Iraq, you jackasses in Congress."
This week's strips are so glaringly dated that Stantis might as well be making jokes about Imelda Marcos and her love of shoes and that Tammy Faye Baker wears a lot of make up. NOBODY CARES ANYMORE. Especially when the comic strip writer in question is supposed to be offering up political commentary, not rambling on and on about his obsession with pretty young blond girls who probably wear thongs. The louder Stantis whines, the more obvious he's obsessed.
But since we all know in a few weeks Stantis will probably still be making Paris "jokes," do you think he'll mention that she went and saw Michael Moore's Sicko when she got out of jail? Probably not, since that would mean he'd have to address a serious issue that the American public is actually concerned about. I'm sure Stantis will have moved on to his next teen blond crush by then.
Posted by The Furnace at 06:43 AM | Comments (3)July 16, 2007
Um, What?
Yeesh.
CJo is off this week, and his timing is once again perfect. He doesn't have to deal with this unfunny nonsense.
Right off the bat we know we're in for some serious Deep Hurting. Yup, it's a "Free Paris" strip. Please take note of Winslow's latest campaign slogan (another running gag in the strip that Stantis hasn't figured out how to make funny). "4 out of 5 trollops agree" it says. Seriously, "trollops?" Who talks like that? Sorry Grampa Stantis, but maybe you should try living in 2007 and use words that normal people might recognize. What, couldn't fit "spoiled little rich girls" on the banner?
Carmen whispers to Winslow what we already know: Paris served her time (I have to remember that little trick of hers - show up at 11:59pm and get credited as if that's a full day of jailtime, then get let out at 12:01am for the same "1 minute = 1 day" policy).
We then get the nonsensical portion of today's unfunny strip. Winslow accuses W of pardoning Paris. Is this some kind of strange, twisted way of commenting on the commutation of Scooter Libby? Because I think that's the first time Stantis has actually addressed that issue. Of course Paris wasn't pardoned, and neither was Scooter since his sentence was commuted, but Stantis might have actually made reference to one of the biggest political stories of the year. Could Gonzo be far off?
The question I have: is Stantis referring to when Paris got out after a couple days, or after she served her full sentence? He must be talking about her early release, otherwise the pardon line doesn't make any sense. But even then it doesn't really since Bush didn't pardon Scooter, he commuted his sentence.
What the hell am I doing? Jeebus, I'm actually trying to figure out what Scott Stantis was thinking when he drew his comic strip. I just spent more time thinking about it than Stantis did. Sorry. Carry on with your day. Just remember: you're funnier than Scott Stantis. We all are.
Except Pellucid.
Posted by The Furnace at 09:00 AM | Comments (2)July 15, 2007
How To Ruin A Decent Joke, By Scott Stantis
As if to flip a huge middle finger to Pellucid and his misunderstanding of how the comic publishing industry supposedly works, Stantis carries over his current "Winslow for the Democratic nomination" storyline onto Sunday. Then he flips a huge middle finger to the rest of us by being unfunny. Again.
Stantis has all kinds of fun with a bunch of buzz words, even though none of them really make any sense in this context. You see Carmen is all worried for her best friend - he has to address this major issue that the base of the party is demanding he respond to. And what's this major issue that the news has been covering for 24-7?
Winslow wears fur. Um, ha?
Yeah, it's a decent gag. All smelly stinky dirty liberals hate people who wear fur, so of course they're going to go after a coyote. But then Stantis has to try and modernize the "joke," having Winslow say that since he was a pup he's worn "sustainable, bio-degradable, carbon-offset fur." Oh, and don't forget the zinger about waxing his unibrow.
But why ruin a gag with all that global warming talk? It just distracts from the main point Stantis is making, which is "wearing fur is bad according to lefties." That's kind of amusing. But then you toss in all that other stuff and it feels like a Republican piling on "just cuz."
And it seems as though Stantis is just a wee bit confused (shocking, I know). The base of the Democratic party isn't the hardcore PETA folks like Republicans seem to think - they're more along the lines of the base of the Green party. They're the people who voted for Nader in 2000. Unlike Stantis's Republican party, where the base really truly is the hardcore Religious Righties who place party above country (just ask Karl Rove), the base of the Dems aren't the radicals Stantis and the rest of his conservative buddies love to rag on. But in Stantis's world the "true" liberals are eco-terrorists who only eat mulch and throw paint on supermodels. Sorry, not the case.
I think my favorite part of this strip is that Stantis wastes a third of it with nothing but white. No real reason, other than I guess to emphasize the impact of that hysterical punchline (well, punchlines - can't forget the unibrow). Maybe it was a subtle slam on conservationists - Stantis is such a Republican that he has no problem wasting valuable trees that he'll devote a third of his strip to nothing but white. Nah. He's just a lazy azz comic strip writer who can't be bothered with actually drawing enough to fill up an entire comic.
Posted by The Furnace at 09:05 AM | Comments (0)July 14, 2007
"DANCING LLAMAS" ARE NOT FUNNY
Sorry, I wanted to include something that's actually funny in today's post. And it kinda looks like dancing.
So Stantis/Carmen admits that nobody likes the president, but that's only because he can also say nobody likes the House or Senate (since he sees those as Democratic bodies - let's forget that little thing that nearly half are still obstructionist Republicans). The question is then asked: What do the American people want?
And then we get the punchline that Stantis set up a few weeks ago. In Prickly City, it qualifies as a "running gag" because it appeared in two back-to-back strips a last month. Yup, it's the return of Winslow and his unfunny obsession with "dancing llamas."
I understand it's a silly comic strip, and I wasn't expecting Stantis to tackle an issue as important as what the American people want from its elected politicians. Although the answer is pretty obvious if you actually pay attention. Bush hearts war in Iraq. Republicans heart war in Iraq. The American people voted in the Democrats to get us out of Iraq. The Democrats haven't. Now the American people are mad at the Democrats too. Seems pretty simple to me.
But instead, can't we get something funnier than dancing llamas? Stantis is so pathetic he hasn't even attempted the visual of what dancing llamas might look like. Do they do the Snoopy dance? The four-legged fox trot? I don't think it really matters - it's just not a funny concept. But apparently Stantis thinks it's HYSTERICAL, so we're stuck with it.
Like we're stuck with a Congress that won't do what it was elected to do, which is get us the hell out of Iraq.
July 13, 2007
A Return to Form
July 12, 2007
Head Wide Open
Scott's psyche is splitting as wide as the gulf between the left and right sides of Carmen's hair. The dude must be absolutely cracking up. What a thrill it is to witness it!
His previous forays into rebuking the current administration have been toothless and cute. More ribbing than cutting. But Scott's actually shown some bite this week. There's nothing scarier than a lapdog who turns on his master.
It should be interesting to see how it plays out.
Posted by CJo at 11:01 AM | Comments (4)July 11, 2007
7/11 - Crap!
While glossing over today's strip, which is merely a dry run for strips we'll see again in January, February, March...August, September, and October, 2008, I saw this picture located at the top of the Prickly City comic page.
Now I don't hold anything against lovely ladies in swimsuits (mostly since there are laws against that kind of behavior where I'm from), but with SS and PC being anti-thongy, anti-sexy, pro-bestiality, and anti-funny, I find it reprehensible, shocking, perplexing, astonishing and most coincidental (or is it?) that such a juxtaposition would be found at the http://www.gocomics.com/pricklycity web address. And somewhere CJo is punching his cornflake box on account of it all. For shame, for shame.
Posted by Sacki at 10:14 AM | Comments (2)July 10, 2007
Only If The Mission Is To Suck
They say that in comedy, timing is everything. "They" being professional comedians. Of which, Scott Stantis is not one.
Today's Prickly City isn't necessarily terrible. But it's a joke that if timed correctly could have been funny, but instead it's just another lame "hurry up and scribble this out before deadline" effort from Stantis. We see that Winslow has gotten Bush's ol' "Mission Accomplished" banner from "Used Backdrops-R-Us" and is using it on the campaign trail. That's kinda funny, right?
I guess it could be, depending on the circumstances. Is Winslow hanging that banner up at EVERY campaign stop? Is the primary today and Stantis didn't tell us? If it's not today, when is it? We have no clue.
And what does "Accept No Substitutes" have to do with the joke at hand? Shouldn't it be something like "Bring It On" or "Stayin' the Course?" Something that actually ties in to the whole banner thing in the first place?
What makes it worse is that Stantis is in control here. He's the one that moved up Prickly City's primary, so he gets to decide when it's held. But he hasn't told us yet. Why not? Is it because he wants to spend more time on the campaign trail with Winslow and Carmen? I'm guessing it's because he doesn't have a clue. Odds are it'll be August before there's an actual vote, even though Carmen and Winslow clearly talked about the primaries being held in July. But that's how Stantis rolls. Fans of Prickly City should be insulted by this kind of lazy writing. Instead they fight tooth and nail in support of it, and anybody who criticizes the strip is smearing it.
At this point I could care less about Stantis and his politics. Here he's trying to poke a little fun at Bush, which is nice, but it's a failure. Without any context, the joke just sits there like a lump on a log, searching for a funnier comic strip to be in where the writer actually takes the time to set up a joke before just flopping it out there and expecting you to laugh "just cuz."
*** And now a challenge for our Shrubville readers: what would you like to see happen in this storyline that you know Stantis won't do? Here, I'll start things off: I would love to see Winslow conduct a townhall meeting with the residents of Prickly City, where he has to answer their stupid questions. But Stantis will never do it. What else would you love to see happen as Winslow runs for President but you know Stantis will never tackle it because he's not talented enough to try? Please use the comments section to offer your thoughts.
July 09, 2007
More Bunting
Good ole micro-managing Winslow pulling a Tony LaRussa today: another sacrifice! bring in a LOOGY! now a ROOGY! hit-n-run! double switch! defensive replacement! more more more more more BUNTING!
Or something like that.
Someday I'll figure it all out. But right now I'm just a "lib" and a "dumbass." All I'm doing is "grasping at straws and trying to make sense of my warped views."
Posted by CJo at 08:43 AM | Comments (2)July 08, 2007
Oom
Here's how I imagine Scott Stantis tells a knock-knock joke:
Stantis: Knock-knock.
You: Who's there?
Stantis: Interrupting cow.
You: Interrupting cow who-
Stantis: Oooom! See, I interrupted you before you could finish, because I'm an interrupting cow, so that's funny. But I didn't want to say "moo" because you would expect that, so I said "oom" instead, and that makes it funny too. And the joke is about a cow, and cows are cute and funny, so that makes it a cute and funny joke.
Think I'm crazy? Check out today's strip. It starts off with Winslow commanding something to fly, then getting dragged through the desert. (Yeah, yet another lame "Winslow tries to fly strip." Like I said, these are his versions of knock-knock jokes). Of course he fails.
Then we get the punchline. Well, punchlines. We learn that Winslow, who is an idiot, has hooked himself up behind a turkey, a penguin, and an ostrich. Um, ha? Personally, I don't get it. Maybe if it was one of the three, or three of one of them, it might make a little more sense. So why these three? Carmen informs us because Winslow is conducting a "flightless to witless iditarod," which was of course a bad idea.
All together now: huh?
I'm guessing it's yet another strip Stantis thought up with while punching the cornflakes box, but he didn't take the time to do simple things like "edit" and "rewrite" and come up with something that both made sense and was funny.
"Hey, what if Winslow was part of the iditarod! But he wouldn't have dogs pulling him - it would be birds, because he's always trying to fly! Like a penguin! Ha ha ha - they can't even fly, and he's so stupid...that could work! Oooh wait - what about a turkey? They can't fly, can they? Oh man - an ostrich! That's hysterical! Hell, I'll have him use all three! Wait - can ostriches fly? Well, they're really stupid like Winslow - probably too stupid to fly. I guess I could look it up, but instead I wonder if there's a play on words I could use...like "witless to flightless" but not that dumb sounding."
After Toby reads it: "Hey, this is awesome! Pellucid's gonna love it. Oh, wouldn't it be cute and funny if Carmen hinted that she wanted to kill and eat the turkey?"
There you have it. Anatomy of how Scott Stantis tells a joke.
Posted by The Furnace at 09:52 AM | Comments (4)July 07, 2007
No Virginia, There Is No New Prickly City Character
Let's recap this past week in Prickly City...
MONDAY: Stantis jams an iPhone joke into the strip with his worst drawing ever.
TUESDAY: Carmen misses Winslow.
WEDNESDAY: Carmen misses Winslow (pretty much a repeat of Tuesday)
THURSDAY: Carmen holds new character try outs, and we get a turtle that speaks (Stantis doesn't tell us if this is Winslow's old girlfriend Shelly or not)
FRIDAY: New character try outs continue, this time with a vulture.
Got all that? Outside of an attempt at being topical on Monday, we've got two days of Carmen saying she misses Winslow then two days of her interviewing new friends. So where is this massive storyline that could introduce a revolutionary new character to the comic pages going?
Nowhere.
Fed up with her exhaustive search for a new character, Carmen has decided that even though she doesn't support anything Winslow stands for (yeah, I know, my head hurts too thinking about how stupid that line is since Winslow agrees with her most of the time), she's going to join his campaign. Why? Because in her mind, she can use HIS platform to spew her views on politics.
Think about that for a minute. Stantis is going to have Carmen join Winslow's campaign so she can spout off her Republican talking points during his Democratic campaign. Maybe that makes sense to Pellucid, but I think anybody with a working brain would think that's ridiculous.
Carmen then says she'll throw him a bone (like she's doing him, Mr. $60 Million in the bank, a favor) and he calls her an "anti-canite." After doing a google search on the term, I think it means somebody who hates canines, but I'm not sure. Much like how he ripped off that "I was told there would be pie" line from a Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law episode, he rapes that old Seinfeld "anti-dentite" gag here. Hint to Stantis: if I have to look up what a word means in the dictionary and it's not there, and if I have to google it to try and make some sense of it, odds are it's NOT FUNNY.
So there you have it. After teasing that he would bring in a new character - something most of the people who read the strip have been begging for him to do for months - he instead drops the idea after two(!) lame strips and instead will have Republican mouthpiece Carmen do all of the talking for Winslow in his campaign.
Why not have her run against him? Wouldn't that make for that little thing writers are supposed to love called "conflict?" What good is it having her join his campaign? It's stupid to think that a Republican would saddle up with a Democrat, and even dumber to think that the Dem would let the neo-con do any talking on the campaign trail. It's just a lazy, unfunny way of getting Carmen and Winslow back together again.
But I wouldn't expect anything else from Scott Stantis, who is still your Worst Comic Strip Writer In The World. Pellucid should be proud.
July 06, 2007
Cream of the Crap
Tell us how you feel.
When you dance, do you move like the sea?
Tell us how you really feel.
When you walk down the street, is it like no one's there?
Tell us how you really feel, Carmen.
When you drive down the road, is it like your eyes don't see?
Ay dios Dio; my mind wants to cry out loud.
Posted by Sacki at 11:18 AM | Comments (1)July 05, 2007
Where in the World is Carmen's Friend Di[eg]o?
You'all might note the eerie coincidence that one day after Shrubville received the following comment from Snowman: "Another thing... If Winslow is out on the campaign trail (four blocks away -- that was a great and hilarious point, Furnace), Carmen has been left all alone... without anyone to talk to but herself. You SEE why you need another character or two, Stantis? People here at Shrubville have been saying that all along! Posted by: Snowman at July 4, 2007 11:28 AM"...
Stantis begins the process -- we think -- of finding a new character!
(And Pellucid said we have no influence with Stantis!)
Of course, this all makes me wonder if Snowman is someone in-the-know. Maybe Scott's editor? Manager? Someone who works for Universal Press Syndicate? Toby? That guy who receives the Chicago Sun-Times a day early (who later went on to become a football coach)?
Regardless: either "good call" or "thanks for early tip."
Alas, today's new character audition didn't go all that well. Does Stantis really think it's safe to bring back another turtle after the disturbing appearance of fair Shelly back in April of 2005? And for that matter, it's not entirely necessary to introduce another character when Dio is waiting off-frame, begging for air time.
Dio, Dio; wherefore art thou, Dio?
Posted by CJo at 01:22 PM | Comments (4)July 04, 2007
The 3rd of July Part II
Happy 4th of July to Scott Stantis, who undoubtedly celebrated two weeks ago, taking June 20, 2007 off. Maybe he lit a few firecrackers around the house. Maybe he grilled up some burgers. Maybe he quaffed a few brews. Maybe he spent all day reading the Declaration of Independence. Who knows how he spent it exactly. All I know is that he didn't write a goddamn comic strip that day. He just repeated the previous day's strip and sent it off to the syndicate, figuring no one would care.
You know what, Scott? You're right.
Posted by CJo at 11:44 AM | Comments (1)July 03, 2007
When Winslow's Away...Carmen Will Still Be Unfunny
I'm starting to think we might need to include a new feature with each entry: a brief recap of what's happened over the last few days in Prickly City. Because apparently even Stantis can't follow what the heck he's doing and make any sense out of it.
Saturday: behind the podium taking campaign questions, Winslow calls for campaign finance reform by attacking Canada.
Sunday: (excluded since I know - but Pellucid doesn't - that they're usually one-offs)
Monday: Stantis ram-rods in an iPhone "gag" that makes absolutely zero sense and might arguably be the worst drawn PC ever - and that's REALLY saying something.
That brings us to today, Tuesday. Carmen is alone. Why? Because Winslow is "gone on the campaign trail."
Last we heard, Winslow was the frontrunner in the campaign because the first primary is in Prickly City, where he's been doing all of his speaking behind the podium.
Prickly City is four blocks long according to Carmen.
So what, she's too damn lazy to walk to the other side of town to see Winslow? Or are we to believe that now Winslow is traveling the country when he should be focusing on winning his own state (city, whatever, none of this makes any sense anyway).
Why does Pellucid fight so hard for this? What is it about Prickly City that makes a person want to defend this nonsense?
So I guess the rest of the week will be all Carmen, all the time. Standing by herself in the middle of the desert. I'm sure this will be much different from her standing alone in the desert unsure of what she stood for anymore, or her standing alone in the desert unsure of what the Republican party stood for anymore. Hey, maybe this time she'll stand alone in the desert unsure of what Conservatives stand for anymore. That'll be a winner.
But then again if Stantis actually looked ahead and planned out a timely strip for the iPhone (can't be bothered to do that for things like holidays, but the iPhone? You betcha) maybe he saw that the 4th of July is coming up and is changing yet another thing he does in PC thanks to Shrubville and actually comment on the big day. Get ready for Carmen standing in front of the American flag calling everyone who isn't a Bush supporter a traitor and unpatriotic. If we're lucky maybe she'll punch Winslow in the face, just for fun.
Unless he's off on the campaign trail. Four blocks away.
July 02, 2007
iWhat?
Fresh start. Fresh eyes. New week. New MONTH. Let's tackle today's strip...
...
...
...
...
...
...
... Good god, this is bloody awful.
From what I can figure out...Winslow was exhausted from standing in line for two days to buy an iPhone. Once he purchased the phone, he stumbled home, confused and disoriented. Instead of his house, he ended up at "Niki" the dog's house. Niki punched the invading Winslow in the face three or four times, blacked his eye, broke his teeth. Winslow then stumbled outside Niki's doghouse to find a post-apocalyptic world, where telephone poles are smashed and strange detritus litters the ground. At which point, Winslow falls. Carmen, who has morphed into a hoot owl, runs to his aid.
Am I right, people?
Anyway, it's days like today when we need the wise guidance of Ryan, Shrubville commenter from July 1, 2007 11:03 PM: "Who cares? It's just a silly little comic."
Indeed, Ryan; indeed. Thanks for playing.
Posted by CJo at 01:52 PM | Comments (4)July 01, 2007
Scott Stantis Is Wrong
The basis of today's Prickly City is quite troubling. The "joke" itself isn't terrible - ha ha, Winslow reads Cosmo, ha ha. See, he's a silly woman of a liberal and blah blah blah whatever.
What bothers me is that Winslow even has to ask who knows the difference between right and wrong anymore. Um, most of us do, Stantis.
Maybe it's easier for you and the rest of the Republicans to throw up your hands and say "if the President does it, then it can't be wrong." Why dirty your hands with things like debating how vile torture is, or that it's wrong for the U.S. to arrest people with no charges and keep them in prison for five years without a trial? It's all in the name of the Global War On Terror (Or The Great Battle Against Extremists, I'm never sure what they're calling Us. vs. Brown People Who Talk Funny And Don't Read The Bible anymore). And if President Bush and President Cheney (not a typo) say we have to do it, there is no right and wrong - only Right.
Can you imagine Vice President Al Gore, in the late 1990s, telling the Republican congress to go spit when they try to investigate his office and possible illegal dealings going on behind the scenes? If V.P. Gore had said "Oh, I'm not a member of the Executive Branch - or the Legislative - I have the power of BOTH?"
Or how about President Clinton running secret prisons throughout Europe? What would Newt Gingrich have said if he found out that Clinton was illegally spying on millions of Americans, all in the name of the Great War On Terrorists That Are Now All Part Of Al Qaeda?
Yeah, they're all rhetorical questions. We know that Republicans would be running around screaming how terrible the White House is, and they'd impeach him faster than (insert Monica oral sex joke here). Why? Because the Republicans know what Bush is doing is wrong.
I'm sorry you're so terrified of the Big Bad Terrorists Stantis that you're not even sure what right and wrong is anymore. It must be a very scary world you live in, where Osama and Saddam hold hands under your bed every night waiting to jump out and make you wet yourself.
However more and more of us are taking FDR's words to heart when it comes to fear. I'm not afraid. Yeah, I know there are bad people out there that want to kill us - there have ALWAYS been bad people. What, Timothy McVeigh wasn't an eeevil terrorist because he was white? The Unabomber doesn't count because he wasn't labeled Al Qaeda by the press?
Admit it, Stantis: you know what Bush and Cheney is doing is wrong. Torture is wrong. Invading countries that weren't a threat is wrong. Lying to the American people is wrong. Spying on us is wrong. And down the list.
You just don't want to admit it because it's your boys that are doing it, so you justify it away as if EVERYBODY is blurring the line between right and wrong. We're not. We still know what the good people do and what the bad people do, and we're the good people.
We're Americans. You should try being one sometime.
picture courtesy of JB