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April 14, 2007
Bounce - The Quicker Gipper Upper
After spending the week floating around because she didn't know where she stood politically anymore, Carmen is back down to earth after remembering her roots: Reagan, Goldwater, and Buckley. The basics.
And with those three names, she explains why she's so damned confused, along with the rest of the Republicans in the country.
So Stantis, which conservative beliefs of these rich white men do you hold dearest? What defines the Republican party for you?
- In favor of Christians running the party (Reagan)
- Oppose Christians running the party (Goldwater)
- Support legalizing marijuana (Goldwater, Buckley)
- Support gays in the military (Goldwater)
- Pro-choice (Goldwater)
- Anti-abortion (Reagan, Buckley)
- Pro-stem cell research (Goldwater)
- Anti-stem cell research (Reagan before illness)
- Pro-stem cell research (Reagan after illness)
- In favor of big govern...er, I mean "military" (Reagan)
- Opposed to big government (Goldwater)
- Defend Joseph McCarthy (Buckley)
- Rampant corruption (Reagan)
- Lying to the American people and Congress (Reagan)
- Consider the war in Iraq "anything but conservative" and a failure (Buckley)
No wonder Carmen and Stantis are so confused.
That's not to say that the Democrats don't share diverse opinions. I think the problem so many conservatives like Stantis have is that they view history through rose-colored glasses. Reagan, like Goldwater, wanted smaller government in their eyes. Of course reality shows that's not the case at all, and the government grew enormously under Reagan (just like under W). They still think that Reagan was against raising taxes, even though he did it repeatedly to the lower and middle classes (just like W). The Gipper they remember never really existed, but it makes it easier to accept all of the negatives coming out of the Bush White House by saying to themselves over and over again "Reagan would have never been like this."
Um, sorry Republicans. If given the chance, Reagan would have been EXACTLY like George W. Bush. And we would have ended up in the same hell hole we're in now. The difference was Reagan started off with a Democratic Congress, and they're the reason little things like Iran-Contra were exposed (gee, heard of anything like that happening under W now that he doesn't have a rubber stamp Congress?). Bush was able to get most of the CONSERVATIVE policies in place. True conservative policies, like: tax cuts for the rich, bigger military, more governmental control, spying on your enemies (including political ones - heck, especially political ones), basically establishing the "Strict Father Figure" form of government that guys like Reagan and Buckly spooge over.
And what has it gotten us? Let's just say I'd rather go back to Clinton getting a hummer and acting like a left-leaning moderate than the mess W and the TRUE CONSERVATIVE REPUBLICANS have gotten us into.
So for today's strip to really make any sense, Carmen should have floated back down to earth when saying "Reagan," bounced back up when saying "Goldwater," then brought back down with "Buckley" and finally have her feet firmly on the ground when saying "President George W. Bush." Don't try to run away from who you really are, Stantis. You're a Bush Conservative, through and through.
It's what Ronnie would have wanted.
