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April 30, 2007
Call Me Crazy
...Of course the Virginia Tech shootings were also big news, but I pray Stantis doesn't try to tackle that issue...
-- The Furnace (4/29/07)
Nice try, Furnace, but apparently God doesn't listen to the prayers of heathen liberals.
Yes, Scott Stantis went there. In the space reserved for rabbit punches at Democrats and jokes about dinosaurs, Stantis is trying to help us cope with the tragedy at Virgina Tech.
And he gives us some questions to ponder. Three of the five questions have to deal with one of his favorite talking points, the "corrosion of the culture." But I think the more accurate questions to ask are why wasn't the shooter committed and how did he get access to firearms.
As Steve Kroft said in last night's '60 Minutes' while speaking with a mental health professional, "as a matter of common sense, it seems like a good idea to try and keep firearms out of the hands of people who don't know the difference between right and wrong. Call me crazy, call me irresponsible."
(It was an unintentionally hilarious moment for such a sobering report.)
I'm not going to hammer at Stantis too much here. But the violent zig-zags he takes -- the political potshots followed by the inexplicable storylines followed by the somber tributes to a tragedy -- just reaffirm my belief that this strip needs to be retired.
Posted by CJo at 06:42 AM | Comments (5)April 29, 2007
Carmen Hates Capitalism
What the #@%! happened to the dinosaurs?!?
Don't answer that. I already know. Stantis is done with his "ethical dilemma" storyline. Took petrified dino eggs, made a full-sized dinosaur in minutes, and now - something completely different. What are the odds of him going back to his huge moral question on Monday? That's right - zero. He's done with it. Game over man, game over. That was it yesterday - I hope you enjoyed Stantis's brilliant insight into the ethical dilemma surrounding the hatching of petrified dinosaur eggs.
Today it looks like the girl that drew the manga-inspired strips last fall is dating his son again, giving us more of a Hello Kitty look this time around. Apparently now Stantis hates outsourcing, even though it's one of the lynchpins of the Republican economic policy. You're supposed to LIKE outsourcing, silly Stantis.
Instead of dinosaurs, this week SHOULD be devoted to Mr. I Don't Recall Gonzales, since that was the biggest story in the news a few weeks ago (of course the Virginia Tech shootings were also big news, but I pray Stantis doesn't try to tackle that issue). The U.S. Attorney firing scandal is still a pretty big deal, so it might actually make Stantis seem topical. If anything we know Stantis won't talk about dinosaurs again, which is a lose/lose deal for us readers: on one hand I want to know why Carmen was so angry if the worst the dinosaur will do is gum Winslow, but on the other it was the worst. strip. ever. Damned if you do...
It's interesting watching Stantis make a similar transformation that other neo-con tools are going through now. Like Bill O'Reilly and Sean Hannity and even Rush Limbaugh, they were loud-mouthed braggarts, full of confidence and bravado, acting as if they're on top of the world. Then the 2006 elections happened. Now look at them. O'Reilly is screaming at every other guest - including Geraldo. He's going around saying there's a massive liberal conspiracy fueled by George Soros. Hannity is more shrill than ever, also believing in mass conspiracies - and that this administration never ever does anything that might be seen as corrupt.
And Rush? He's the weirdest of them all. I'm not talking about his "Barack the Magic Negro" racist song, although that's something I doubt he would have tried six months ago. No, I'm referring to his bizarre Media Matters defense. Here's what's happening: Media Matters follows what Rush and other conservatives say, documenting any lies or outrageous behavior. So Rush is a regular contributor (see: Magic Negro, Barack). Rush hates the idea of them actually using his own words against him. So now when Rush says something offensive, the next day when Media Matters documents it he says, "A-ha! I didn't REALLY mean it, I was baiting Media Matters into talking about it! Ha ha! I win!"
Um, Rush - so you're telling us that you're saying things that other conservatives want to hear, but you don't really mean them, it's just a ploy to make someone else look bad? How do you think your loyal dittoheads, who are sitting in their cars pumping their fists when you say something offensive about Democrats, must feel when you say "I didn't really mean that - it was all a trick!" What exactly DO you stand for, Rush? Because I don't think you even know anymore (remember that great line right after the elections where Rush said he was sick of "carrying the water" for the Republican party? I do). Lucky for you your listeners are such sheep they won't stop long enough to realize that they're the biggest dupes of all.
And here we have Stantis. His strips are so bizarre now that even he can't figure out what they're supposed to mean. Ethical dilemmas over petrified dinosaur eggs? Carmen floating through the air because she thinks Reagan and Goldwater were the same kind of Republican? Much like Rush and O'Reilly he's losing what little grip he had on reality to begin with.
But can you blame him? Everything he knew, and everything he's learned over the last six years, is wrong. Bush doesn't know what he's doing. No WMDs. Imperial presidency. Mitt doesn't think Osama is a big deal. McCain being smacked down by a comedian. And so on.
It's tough being a Republican nowadays. And it couldn't happen to a more deserving group of sheeple.
April 28, 2007
Seriously - Worst. Comic Strip. Ever.
And you thought the desert shark storyline was bad?
Ladies and gentleman, I give you the worst Prickly City series EVER. Without a doubt. Stantis has been bad in the past. Even downright horrible. But he's topped himself (or bottomed?) with arguably the most non-sensical strip in the history of his comic.
It started with Carmen finding petrified dinosaur eggs. Think about that for a minute. Does Stantis realize what the word "petrified" means? How stupid does a grown man have to be to realize that anything petrified is...you know...DEAD? ROCK? Does that not compute with him?
Okay, I understand what Stantis was TRYING to do. But he's already failed. Even before he gets to his point, he's done what most Republicans do: created a false argument. There's nowhere to go from here. They're petrified eggs. There is no hatching as an option. Yet Stantis plows through, like a Republican trying to justify the war in Iraq. There were no WMDs, so why are we there? I can hear Stantis now: "just give me a few more chances and you'll see where I'm going with this."
So where did Stantis go? Winslow sits on the eggs. Carmen's response? To start screaming and yelling at him about the "ethical implications." Of what? Sitting on what are essentially ROCKS? I could understand there being a question of ethics if Winslow planned to sell the rocks instead of donate them for study. Or if he tried to use them to prove to Carmen that they're not 6000 years old, blowing her Bible's theory of Creationism out of the water. But nope - Winslow and Carmen think that just by sitting on an egg, no matter what the condition, will make them hatch. "Come on - just another chance..."
What happens? The eggs hatch. And today we see the result: A FULLY GROWN DINOSAUR.
Let me stop here for a minute. Everyone has a different sense of humor. The gag of Winslow in a dinosaur's mouth might make some simple-minded people laugh. Heck, Stantis stole most of the bits from this week from old Simpsons episodes, where they were actually funny (mainly Bart hatching lizard eggs after killing a bird he thought was their mother, and today the one where Bart sold his soul to Milhouse and bought one of those foam dinosaurs that expand when you add water, which he imagined grew to dino-size and tried to eat Lisa). But none of what Stantis did this week is funny to me, and I'd argue most normal people. There isn't anything humorous here. The set-up is downright idiotic. The results make zero sense. And Stantis's attempt at making this some kind of ethical argument reeks of trying to somehow justify this ridiculous storyline in his "political" comic strip. It's all just a bunch of unfunny hooey. AND HE GETS PAID FOR THIS.
I won't even get into how horrible Stantis's drawing of a dinosaur sucking on Winslow is, other than to say it looks like someone's been watching sad gay porn again.
If Stantis is so worried about the ethics of things, maybe he should tackle what a candidate for president recently said about Osama Bin Laden. You remember him: Public Enemy #1, most hated man in America, killed a few thousand people - this is what one politician said about him:
"It's not worth moving heaven and earth spending billions of dollars just trying to catch one person."
Who said that? Well it's pretty easy to guess it's NOT a Democrat, because if it had been this quote would have been screamed across the headlines and caused a few right-wing talk show hosts' heads to explode on air.
Nope, it's Mitt Romney. Republican for President. He doesn't think Osama is all that important.
What's the ethical implication of that, Stantis? One of YOUR candidates - someone you'll vote for if he gets the nomination - doesn't want to do everything it takes to catch America's most wanted. Why don't you spend a little time preaching to us about that, instead of wasting our time with comic strips that wouldn't last more than a week in a high school newspaper?
Oh - I already know your answer - "Just give me one more chance..." I'm sure the payoff tomorrow will be funny, right? Right?
Please - I beg of you - if there is one person that reads Prickly City and Shrubville, and you think ANY of this storyline was funny, write in our comments section and explain to us why this should make us laugh. I really want to know who exactly makes up Stantis's audience so I can see how this guy makes a living churning out the worst of the worst in the world of comics.
April 27, 2007
Chomping at the Rump
Yes, that's right: the "petrified" dinosaur eggs are now hatching after a couple days of Winslow's warm ass.
I know Stantis fancies himself as a deep-thinker, the Philosopher King of the Funny Pages. Dio (R.I.P., little buddy) was named after Diogenes, the masturbating cynical Greek philosopher. His strips frequently contain philosophical queries into our existence. And he often sets up sloppily-constructed "stories" to help ponder larger philosophical questions. Like, what are the moral and ethical implications of hatching...dinosaurs.
But it takes a rare talent to combine Philosophy, Humor, and Comic Strip art. Charles Schultz? Yes. Bill Watterson? You bet. Berkeley Breathed? Yeah, sure. Jimmy Johnson? Yep. Johnny Hart? Not really. Scott Stantis? No fucking way.
I think instead of continuing on his current career path, Stantis should spend more time at his local rathskeller, drinking good German beer, and drunkenly pontificating to the empty stools surrounding him. I imagine he'd get a better response to his nonsense.
Posted by CJo at 09:43 AM | Comments (2)April 26, 2007
The Life You Save May Be My Own
Eggs. This would've been a good Easter-ish storyline, no?
By the hammer of Thor, Stantis, don't you know what can happen when you write mystifying strips like this? Do you have no ethical qualms about the apoplexy suffered by the readership on account of your comic's non-sensical nature? If you have any sense of decency or career self-preservation, you'll not want to kill off the handful of people who actually make an effort to read your product.
Here's a deal, tho, or challenge, whichever you prefer, that could allow you to save a life: If you use the word "rathskeller" by May 31, 2007, I will no longer read and/or critique Prickly City. With that one simple word, you can end suffering in the world (of me). Now go forth and sin no more.
Posted by Sacki at 09:40 AM | Comments (1)April 25, 2007
Petrified
I don't know what would be worse: today's strip as an inexplicable one-off or today's strip as the beginning of a series in which Winslow sits on dinosaur eggs.
Six of one, half a dozen of the other.
If it's a one-off strip, it would be one of the most idiotic in the Stantis oeuvre.
If it's the beginning of a storyline, it would be one of the most idiotic in the Stantis oeuvre.
Either way, all one can do is pray for sweet sweet Armageddon. Come Armageddon, come. Now. Please.
(And, of course, by "Armageddon" I mean, "a Democrat winning the White House in 2008.")
Posted by CJo at 08:28 AM | Comments (3)April 24, 2007
Tomorrow: A Punchline Referencing Imelda Marcos
Today's strip is brought to you by a comedian that's more topical than Scott Stantis.
Wow. Just...wow.
Let me start off by saying that I'm one of the biggest critics of our current media. Their brand of journalism is either celebrity gossip or "the Republicans said this, and this is the silly Democrats' response." There might be a few real journalists out there asking questions instead of transcribing whatever the White House tells them to say, but for the most part we're surrounded by Judy Millers and whatever the hell Fox News is supposed to be (and CNN is heading down that same propaganda path very quickly).
So this topic is packed full of comedic potential, and I'm all for Stantis finally taking our media news corporations to task. And what do we get for a punchline?
Don Imus knocked up the "diaper astronaut."
What, did you steal that bit from Rich Little's horrifyingly unfunny routine at the White House Correspondents Dinner?
Hopefully Stantis will bounce back and offer real insight along with a decent joke or two. The unfortunate passing of real journalist David Halberstam has allowed blogger Glenn Greenwald to opine about how horrible our modern media has become, in addition to the great criticism he's been providing for the past few months.
You're on the right track, Stantis. Going after the Nancy Graces and Bill O'Reillys is prime comedic real estate. But dear lord, maybe you should start consulting a real comedian for your jokes.
Really, Don Imus and the astronaut? You were the only person still making a joke about Anna Nicole yesterday, and now referencing the astronaut story nobody's cared about for a month? Dude, get some help.
Posted by The Furnace at 08:35 AM | Comments (1)April 23, 2007
We Have a Winner
Kudos to those of you with "April 23" in the Winslow as Anna Nicole Smith's Baby's Father Pool.
Your payout will be a week's worth of trashy, senseless strips.
Posted by CJo at 01:11 PM | Comments (0)April 22, 2007
It's Been Done
We're reduced to a poop joke today.
Not just a lame Calvin & Hobbes rip-off, but a lame Calvin and Hobbes rip-off that ends in a poop joke.
You know Stantis, this kind of gag might work better if you had Calvin playfully prowling Carmen more than three times a year. Not exactly a running gag that people relate to this strip. Instead they relate it to better strips (or cartoons, like yesterday's rip-off of the Simpsons).
Speaking of running gags, I'm too burned out to try and don the Future Goggles. Odds are there will be one black panel strip offering condolences to those who lost loved ones and Virginia Tech, but it'll be a week before Stantis actually deals with that incident. Gonzo didn't go on the stand until Friday, and I doubt it matters since Stantis probably doesn't have the balls to go after Mr. I Don't Recall.
So what does that leave us? Probably more jokes ripping on the "Democrat" party. Probably talking about how they hate the troops and they're forcing the President to veto the war spending bill. Blah blah blah.
Do you think Stantis ever talks to anyone about Prickly City? Does he ever seek ANY kind of feedback? I don't expect him to read Shrubville - we're brutally honest and kinda mean, and proud of it. But do any of his editors ever critique his work? Do any of his friends and family talk to him about the quality of what he writes, and let him know if it's not working? I doubt it, but it's question I'd like to ask him. Because so far this year Stantis has turned one of the worst strips on the comic book pages into the worst comic strip, period.
And I think that makes us all want to poop.
April 21, 2007
Funny-ish strip, though not an entirely original gag. See The Simpsons circa 1992.
Anyway, it's too bad he couldn't have gotten to this on Friday, when people are still actually reading the comics, as opposed to the vast wasteland that is Saturday. He spends so much time repeating lines and rhetorical questions, like, "When did it become all about the Benjamins?" that when he gets around to actually showing what he means instead of spoon-feeding it to us, it's the weekend and no one cares anymore.
Not that we care during weekdays either. But you know what I mean.
Posted by CJo at 07:21 AM | Comments (0)April 20, 2007
Winslow Makes No Cents
Ah yes. Call attention to Clinton's and Obama's cash. It's the Democrats, stupid.
Granted, Clinton and Obama have raised the most money so far, but Willard Romney is a close third at $23.0 million. What's interesting is to take a look at the top two spending leaders:
1. Romney -- $11.5 million
2. McCain -- $8.3 million
I guess it takes money to convince the country that your pro-gay rights, pro-gun control, and pro-choice past -- not mention your Mormon present -- is no big deal. Or that strolling through an open-air market in Iraq is as much fun as doing a parody of Barbara Ann by the Beach Boys...Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran.
Posted by CJo at 07:42 AM | Comments (0)April 19, 2007
There He Goes Again
As the writer of the strip continues to hammer outdated ideas into the ground over and over and over again, I turn to the original format of Shrubville in an attempt to keep pace.
SYNOPSIS OF TODAY'S STRIP
The conservative Hispanic 8-year-old girl bemoans the lack of character and intelligence in these troubled times, while poo-poo'ing the influence of money. The liberal coyote sums it up with a historically inaccurate assessment.
CONSERVATIVE TALKING POINTS TOUCHED UPON
George W. Bush, Ronald Reagan, Gerald Ford: Deep thinkers.
Bill Clinton, Jimmy Carter, Lyndon Johnson: Swindlers.
WHY IT'S FUNNY
Character and intelligence, not money, matter to the GOP.
REPORTER: Mr. President, with no opponent, how can you spend $170 million or more on your primary campaign?
PRESIDENT BUSH: Just watch! (Laughter.)
President Reagan: "Why should we subsidize intellectual curiosity?"
April 18, 2007
Eat My Shorts, Dude
This has to be the lamest use of an outdated catchphrase in a comic strip since Funky Winkerbean's 1986 foray into homosexuality ending with him repeatedly shouting, "Where's the beef?"
But people don't read 'Prickly City' for hip cultural references. They read it for its politics. And what has Stantis been ranting about the last two days? Presidential Campaign Fundraising. Who can blame him? Candidates are raising an obscene amount of dough.
But Stantis should be mindful of history here. George W. Bush -- a man Stantis blindly and arrogantly supported in Prickly City's infancy in 2004 -- wrote the modern-day playbook on campaign finance. Bush was the first major presidential candidate to reject federal matching funds -- which he did in the 2000 primary -- which meant he did not have to adhere to state spending limits. And, thus, could spend as much money as it took in South Carolina to inform voters of John McCain's black baby. And it's been a great seven years and counting since, eh, Scott?
Posted by CJo at 09:24 AM | Comments (1)April 17, 2007
Million Dollar Men (and Woman)
I think we have a new Republican front runner...AND he's a born-again Christian!
Today Stantis provides us with some amazing insight into our political machine: money rules all. And the birds go tweet. Way to waste two/thirds of a panel with photocopies of the guys who appear on our money, Scott.
This seems to be a response to all of the news a few weeks ago about which candidates were raising the most money. Hillary had the most but Obama shocked a lot of Washington Insiders by holding his own. On the Republican side...well, for the first time in ages they didn't do so well. I guess that's why Stantis didn't want to go into specifics like he usually would - when the Mormon in the race is the top fundraiser, that's not exactly something a lot of Bush Republicans want to brag about.
We're already seeing the identity complex Stantis and other Republicans are developing. Who do they vote for in 2008? The rich Mormon who was governor of the state they've been taught is the most liberal in the nation? (Note: Vermont is WAY more liberal.) Maybe they should vote for the guy who was a mayor - not a governor, not a Senator, just a mayor - who was hated by his city before 9/11, has three marriages under his belt (his current wife also has three) one of which was to a cousin, and is currently estranged from his children? Oh I know, Stantis should throw his support behind one of the few cheerleaders left in the war in Iraq, who tells us that it's safe to walk around unsecured Baghdad streets (although it helps to wear body armor, have a hundred soldiers with you, and a few gunships flying overhead while you do).
Heck they're so desperate they think that the guy who plays a D.A. on Law & Order is the most appealing candidate right now, and all they know about him was that he was also in Die Hard 2.
Oh, and let's not forget Newt, who just admitted that while he was wasting millions of our tax dollars investigating Clinton's affair he was having one of his own.
It just goes on and on for these poor bastards. Romney was for abortion before he was against it. Giuliani is still for abortion. Dobson says Thompson isn't a good Christian. Romney isn't even a Christian, and he's the only guy in the whole field who's only been married once.
So why is Stantis pussyfooting around the obvious? Sure he hints here and there that he's not happy with his Republican party (hmm...didn't he claim he wasn't REALLY a Republican, but a moderate?), but why not just go out there and say what the rest of the Republicans in the country are thinking?
It's probably because they don't know what to think. They've been told for the past six years what they're supposed to believe, and they've been good little sheep. Fear everything, war is good, lefties are bad, anyone who disagrees with the Leader hates America, blah blah blah.
And now with our military bogged down in a war without end and the average American realizing our economy sucks, they're lost. Who do they turn to in 2008?
Why not use your comic strip to explore that, Stantis? Or don't you have the balls to analyze your own party instead of taking cheap shots at "the enemy?" Have at it, Mr. Political Commentary. Show us what you got.
April 16, 2007
Taxed
A furious and curious debate raged on yesterday here at Shrubville as to whether or not Stantor's tax collectors were '300' warriors, Vikings, Greeks, or Capital One spokesmen. It turns out you're all wrong. They are actually members of the Mainstream Media...
Today we get the second Tax strip. And try as he might to be timely, the poor dope can't even do it right. Yesterday -- April 15 -- the official day tax returns are due, fell on a Sunday, which typically pushes the deadline to the next business day, like today. However, because of some random holiday this year the actual deadline is tomorrow -- April 17.
Someone needs to audit that fellow's calendar.
And anyway, I thought Stantis fancied himself as some sort of patriot. Shouldn't he be thrilled to cut a check to the Bush-led government? How else to pay for the war, man? Does he want to defund the war??!! Someone alert the authorities: there's a traitor in our midst.
Posted by CJo at 11:14 AM | Comments (1)April 15, 2007
THIS...IS...STANTIS!!!
So, do you think Stantis watched "300" two weeks ago?
What's shocking about today's strip is - *gasp* - it's topical! Stantis actually flipped through his calendar and realized that Tax Day is upon us again. I'm speechless. He was able to combine the most popular movie of the year so far AND something actually happening this week and create a decent strip. Bravo, Stantis. Bravo.
Now, do you think you can start doing this EVERY DAY? You know, like most working stiffs? We'd appreciate it. And I'm sure your bosses would too.
April 14, 2007
Bounce - The Quicker Gipper Upper
After spending the week floating around because she didn't know where she stood politically anymore, Carmen is back down to earth after remembering her roots: Reagan, Goldwater, and Buckley. The basics.
And with those three names, she explains why she's so damned confused, along with the rest of the Republicans in the country.
So Stantis, which conservative beliefs of these rich white men do you hold dearest? What defines the Republican party for you?
- In favor of Christians running the party (Reagan)
- Oppose Christians running the party (Goldwater)
- Support legalizing marijuana (Goldwater, Buckley)
- Support gays in the military (Goldwater)
- Pro-choice (Goldwater)
- Anti-abortion (Reagan, Buckley)
- Pro-stem cell research (Goldwater)
- Anti-stem cell research (Reagan before illness)
- Pro-stem cell research (Reagan after illness)
- In favor of big govern...er, I mean "military" (Reagan)
- Opposed to big government (Goldwater)
- Defend Joseph McCarthy (Buckley)
- Rampant corruption (Reagan)
- Lying to the American people and Congress (Reagan)
- Consider the war in Iraq "anything but conservative" and a failure (Buckley)
No wonder Carmen and Stantis are so confused.
That's not to say that the Democrats don't share diverse opinions. I think the problem so many conservatives like Stantis have is that they view history through rose-colored glasses. Reagan, like Goldwater, wanted smaller government in their eyes. Of course reality shows that's not the case at all, and the government grew enormously under Reagan (just like under W). They still think that Reagan was against raising taxes, even though he did it repeatedly to the lower and middle classes (just like W). The Gipper they remember never really existed, but it makes it easier to accept all of the negatives coming out of the Bush White House by saying to themselves over and over again "Reagan would have never been like this."
Um, sorry Republicans. If given the chance, Reagan would have been EXACTLY like George W. Bush. And we would have ended up in the same hell hole we're in now. The difference was Reagan started off with a Democratic Congress, and they're the reason little things like Iran-Contra were exposed (gee, heard of anything like that happening under W now that he doesn't have a rubber stamp Congress?). Bush was able to get most of the CONSERVATIVE policies in place. True conservative policies, like: tax cuts for the rich, bigger military, more governmental control, spying on your enemies (including political ones - heck, especially political ones), basically establishing the "Strict Father Figure" form of government that guys like Reagan and Buckly spooge over.
And what has it gotten us? Let's just say I'd rather go back to Clinton getting a hummer and acting like a left-leaning moderate than the mess W and the TRUE CONSERVATIVE REPUBLICANS have gotten us into.
So for today's strip to really make any sense, Carmen should have floated back down to earth when saying "Reagan," bounced back up when saying "Goldwater," then brought back down with "Buckley" and finally have her feet firmly on the ground when saying "President George W. Bush." Don't try to run away from who you really are, Stantis. You're a Bush Conservative, through and through.
It's what Ronnie would have wanted.
April 13, 2007
Like a Floating Elephant
Once upon a night, your politics so Right
The liberals you'd fight for the littlest slight, wouldn't you?
Shrubville wrote, said, "beware dope, you'll hang with your own rope"
You thought we were all kiddin' you
You used to joke about
Democrats who could only shout
Now you don't talk so loud
Now you don't seem so proud
About having to be scrounging for your next strip.
How does it sit
How does it sit
To be so discontent
Your career in steep descent
Like a floating elephant?
April 12, 2007
Faiku #9: Tramopoline!
When your life resembles a
Diana Ross song
Hope is irretrievable.
April 11, 2007
As We Go Up, We Go Down
When the going gets tough and the tough get going, we can count on Scott Stantis to repeat, rehash, regurgitate, and resuck. Or, at the very least, turn Carmen upside-down.
Back in the heyday of Prickly City, when Michael Moore's weight jokes were fresh and Howard Dean's scream had only been referenced eight times, Stantis tried the ole upside-down/un-moored/topsy-turvy bit:
(October 12, 2005)
Theme: The GOP Paradigm is Broken. Result: Carmen's feet are where her head should be.
This time around, as the "Right" is "adrift," the whole word has again gone topsy-turvy. This time: ne pas de gravity. Hilarity ensues.
Don't get me wrong, this repeated idea resonates today just as it did in '05. And from the perspective of watching this train wreck of a strip every day, each car getting demolished one-by-one in super-slo-mo, with the years flying by and the refuse piling up, it's more amusing than, say, Winslow unable to surf in the desert every April:
April 10, 2007
Pain Delay (Which Is Probably More Clever Than Anything Stantis Can Come Up With)
Hey everybody look - the clown prince Winslow is acting the fool! Hardy har! Whoo boy, nobody does physical humor better than Scott Stantis!
Seriously, what the f*ck is this sh!t? "I'm more of an offensive player?" What does that even mean in the context of Prickly City or the character of Winslow? Oh, wait, it doesn't mean anything - Stantis just needed to make somebody look like an idiot, and that's the only purpose Winslow serves in the strip anymore.
So now we know what neo-cons do when the big issue in politics two weeks ago was the U.S. attorneys scandal was blowing up into a major story: you do lame baseball "jokes" and "gags." Dude, at least make it FUNNY. Not familiar with the word, Stantis? Look it up. It's right there after "f*ck you."
April 09, 2007
Strike 563
Ah, baseball. The smell of peanuts, Cracker Jacks, stale Old Style in plastic cups, and troughs and troughs full of urine. What a great way to celebrate Opening Day by Stantis with this funny, baseball-themed strip...
Wait. What is that? Opening Day was LAST week?
Oh. Well that makes today's strip pretty pointless then. If he's not going to be topical -- which is the strip's raison d'freedom -- and he's going to leave us with cutesy-poo, asinine garbage throwaway strips about nothing, then why does he even bother?
Posted by CJo at 11:12 AM | Comments (3)April 08, 2007
Easter In Prickly City Is Just Another Sunday
Guess who didn't look ahead and draw an Easter strip! Yup, Stantis once again defines "phoning it in" by wasting an entire strip on his bizarro desert landscapes and Winslow with a surfboard. Will Winslow's desire to be near water replace his efforts to fly? Who knows, who cares.
You'd think a neo-con like Stantis would be celebrating one of the holiest days of the year for Christians, but nope. It's Sunday, so that means taking it easy after exerting all of his brain power on such classics as "disemobied hand tells Carmen she's been subpoenaed." I guess we should be thankful he didn't draw a fat, drunk John Conyers.
No point in donning the future goggles. He won't go after Nancy Pelosi for her trip to Syria for at least another week, but I'm sure when he does he'll conveniently leave out that a Republican group was just there and Newt was all over the world talking with our enemies when he was Speaker.
That just leaves the U.S. Attorneys scandal, and we've already seen Stantis doesn't have a clue what's really happening with that. I guess we're in for a week of lies and misrepresentations at Prickly City, but that's nothing new.
Happy Easter! Enjoy the peeps.
April 07, 2007
What Color Is The Sky In Your World, Stantis?
Stantis has kind words for Elizabeth and John Edwards today, and we here at Shrubville second them. Normally I'd say stay tuned for next week when Stantis proceeds to attack the Edwards like Rush did for using her cancer for political gain, but I doubt Stantis will because a member of his own family has struggled with the disease. Funny how that is with neo-cons - they'll rip on Dems for something, until they're effected by that issue too. See: Reagan, Nancy & Dowd, Matthew (I guess having your own son deployed to Iraq will change even the most loyal neo-con's mind about the President).
I'd like to backtrack a bit and go over how Stantis spent this week spinning the U.S. attorneys scandal, because I think it's a great insight into the juvenile mind of a neo-con like Stantis. Here's what Stantis wants you to believe: John Conyers and the Democrats are issuing subpoenas and investigating if Republican appointees were being too political. Wow, that does sound nasty, doesn't it? Now that the Dems are in charge they're going after Republicans for simply being "right," as Carmen says.
That's what happens when you just listen to talking points and Comedian Rush Limbaugh.
If Stantis HONESTLY believes that's what's happened here - that Alberto Gonzales and the White House were just doing what Clinton did, and it was just good ol' politics, and absolutely nothing was done wrong - then it goes a long way to showing why our country is in such dire straights right now under George W. Bush.
It's a fantasy world they've created for themselves. Stantis doesn't want to tell you the part about how these attorneys were threatened and bullied into going after Democrats - even if there wasn't any evidence - so they could help Republicans win close elections. But a funny thing happened on the way to the courthouse: these guys might have been appointed by a Republican, but when they took the job they realized that above all else they were there to enforce the LAW. I guess Stantis just doesn't understand that, or doesn't want to. It doesn't fit in with his world view that Bush is always right and Democrats are eeeevil and that Bush is ABOVE the law (he's the authoritarian president, dontchaknow).
I feel bad for guys like Stantis. He seems like he's only moments away from being in a straight-jacket in an insane asylum muttering to himself, "It's only politics - nothing wrong here - move along - Conyers is evil - Bush is the authoritarian president - terrorists are gonna kill us - Democrats love Satan - nothing wrong here..." For the longest time I wondered if it was ignorance or incompetence that explained Stantis and his ilk for running our country into the ground. But Stantis showed us this week that it's beyond ignorance. He's a pretty smart guy - heck, he's fooled dozens of editors around the country into thinking that he's a professional cartoonist. So he's smart enough to know that this isn't some witch hunt and that Bush crossed the line when firing these attorneys. Instead, he's going to spread this misinformation about what really happened along to other stupid neo-con Bush lovers like himself so they can rock themselves to sleep at night, muttering "It's gonna be okay - we'll attack Iran and it'll be alright - Cheney in 2008 - Jeb as V.P. - the Glorious Leader will take us to the promised land - just believe...just believe..."
And why not? His idols Bush and Cheney still act like their make believe world is the one we really live in. Bush actually paused for applause during his speech this week in front of troops preparing to head to Iraq - he honestly thought they were going to whoop and holler about how wonderful he thinks he is. On the same day the Pentagon debunked the Iraq/9/11 myth Cheney was on Rush's show saying that Saddam really did have ties to Al Qaeda.
When you listen to Bush, Cheney, and Stantis, the message is clear: they don't live in our world. Call it Jesusland or Reagania or Republicton, but it's not the real world. And while it's easy to swat down how silly and irrelevant Stantis is, it's another to ignore that the most powerful men in the world are completely disconnected from reality. At least Stantis is harmless. Although his lack of logic and terrible drawing skills do hurt my brain sometimes.
April 06, 2007
TGIGF
Thank God it's Good Friday. In a few short days the Easter Bunny will rise from the dead and bring chocolate Jesus dolls for all the good little boys and girls out there.
Alas, Carmen will not be one of them. Instead, she'll get a chocolate Obama from Kevin the Lost Bunny of the Apocalypse. Carmen, as you might recall, within the span of a week has been fired for not being political enough AND served a subpoena for being too political. So please don't blame the Easter Bunny if he's too confused to seek out Carmen. A nation of comic strip readers has been too confused to care about Carmen since time immemorial. Amen.
Posted by CJo at 07:49 AM | Comments (3)April 05, 2007
Send In The Calvary
So some fella named Conyers is traveling around the country personally handing out subpoenas, like the one received by our favorite OCD-suffering Prickly City character, Carmen. I'm not sure it's been explicity stated previously, but by her words and actions (e.g., the meticulous over-combing of her hair in order to have a perfect 7-inch part exactly down the middle), it's clear that girl ain't right (despite the too clever by half declaration that Carmen "may not be correct but [she] will always be right").
(Speaking of, I clicked on the "Meet The Characters" button recently at the gocomics site for Prickly City, and there are only 2 listed. Whither Dio? Shelly? Professor Pete Prick? Jose Mesa? The PC Blimp?)
Anyhow, this Conyers character is probably some one-off creation, so I wouldn't get too worked up about it. He'll saunter in, laying his cloak in front of Carmen, she'll wash his feet, it won't be to his satisfaction and he'll wind up giving $20 to Winslow to rat her out. Winslow's act having condemned her, Conyers will trick her into thinking she's getting a blimp ride (but we all know that ship has sailed), but he'll actually nail her to a cross - nevertheless she'll be satisfied because she can see her house from there, and that's all he promised. I'll forget about it all until Sunday, when I go out to get the paper and discover that the rock used to secure it has been moved, and the wind has taken it all - except for the comics section, alive in all its glorious color. Amen to that.
Posted by Sacki at 09:37 AM | Comments (2)April 04, 2007
Funny stuff, Scott. But good luck trying to convince your brethren.
Though Romney had a monster fund raising 1st Q, ending up with about $21.0 million, Giuliani raised the second most at $14.0 million, out-pacing McCain's $12.5 million.
However, the real telling point is the conservative press's portrayal. I happened upon Sean Hannity last night, his face planted squarely in Giuliani's ass, his tongue lapping at Rudy's testicles, engaged in some sort of "interview." As the Furnance pointed out yesterday, Giuliani is coming off as VERY SCARY. He's trying to appeal to the WhackJob vote, which may make him a contender for the GOP nomination, but good luck trying to tone that down in the general election.
Anyway, it's nice to see Stantis has the ability to look critically at the Republicans, something he's long since claimed he does but doesn't have much evidence to back it up.
Posted by CJo at 09:00 AM | Comments (3)April 03, 2007
Personally I Think It's Because His First Name Is Rudolph
Stantis isn't terrible today. I know - shocker - he should have run this on Sunday as an April Fool's gag. But he's got a point about Americans not wanting to elect someone with a last name they can't spell easily. I've actually had a theory for years that Americans won't elect a President with a vowel as the last letter in their last name unless it's silent (like "Pierce"). Chalk it up to elitism or bias against "foreign" sounding names or just plain laziness, but that's how we Americans are. That, and we want our President to sound like an action movie hero - hence why Michael Dukakis was never a resident of the White House and Tommy Tancredo doesn't have a chance in hell (unless Mexico declares war on the U.S. and plans to use illegal immigrants as projectile missles against us).
However in Giuliani's case the Republican faithful are making an exception. I could go on and on about the reasons why he'd make a terrible President, especially a Republican one. I'd think six marriages between him and his current wife (including her secret marriage and his to a cousin) would normally be a deal-breaker for most "true" Christian Conservatives who supposedly want pro-marriage folks in office (and by pro-marriage I don't mean "get married as many times as you can"). Rudy recently said that he wouldn't mind if this current wife sat in on cabinet meetings, something even Hillary didn't do casually ("Hey Rudy, what are you up to today? Thinking about nuking Iran? Cool - I'll invite the girls over and we'll brainstorm with you and the rest of the Cabinet. Then we'll hold our book club afterwards in the same room if that's okay with you").
But by far and away the most frightening reason why Rudy would make a horrible President for true Americans is something that is getting ZERO attention in the mainstream media. Rudy recently told some key conservative journalists that 1) he believes the President should have the authority to arrest ANY American citizen without review (albeit "infrequently") and 2) he thinks the President should be able to fund HIS OWN WARS whenever he damn well pleases. Don't believe me? Glenn Greenwald at Salon has been following the really scary story.
Think about that: what would Republicans have said if Clinton decided he could arrest anybody whenever he wanted and not tell anybody why? And oh, by the way, I'm going to start a wars with Italy, Canada, and Panama and pay for them with my super-secret slush fund?
Now for neo-cons this is a wet dream. Giuliani isn't talking about just being an "authoritarian President" - this is wanting to be a balls-out fascist dictator. But hey - did you hear that Sanjaya kid is still on American Idol? Luckily he's got a hard name to spell or he might become president some day.
So will Stantis go all the way with criticizing Rudy? Now that it's out there that he's not a fan, will Stantis actually give the real reasons why Rudy would be the worst of the worst and make Bush 2 look like a pleasant dream? Of course not. He thinks it's plenty to simply suggest that he's a "rebel" and not going along with the rest of the Republicans because he's not fawning over "America's Mayor" (that even the fire fighters hate because he called off searching for their fallen comrades after 9/11, allowed workers to stay at Ground Zero knowing that the air was toxic, and letting them use material from where those buildings fell and where the bodies of those brave souls had been crushed as filler for potholes). Yup Stantis, you're a rebel - just like Rudy. At least your name is easy enough to spell.
Oh god - I hope I didn't just give Stantis any ideas.
Posted by The Furnace at 08:14 AM | Comments (0)April 02, 2007
GOP Fools Day
Whoops. The Furnace had me going there. I kept waiting for Toby to post today!
April Fools on me.
At any rate: Giuliani/Stantis/Republicans. Ha. This is actually a good one. In the battle of the Social Liberal vs. the Mormon vs. the Man Whom Bush & Co. Demonized to Hell in '00, the Republicans are kinda screwed. Good luck, buddies.
Posted by CJo at 02:31 PM | Comments (1)April 01, 2007
UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT
Greetings and salutations, Shrubville readers. My name is Toby - you may have heard of me before. Actually you may have literally heard me, as I co-host the Prickly City Podcast with P.C. creator and mastermind Scott Stantis. He's sort of my boss, but he's also a great guy and a great comic strip artist.
I've been following Shrubville for some time now after one of your readers brought it to my attention. I've enjoyed quite a bit on the site, especially Sacki's irreverent insights and CJo's well-crafted criticisms (sorry, but The Furnace tends to ramble IMHO). But as a friend and co-worker of Scott's it's been tough at times, especially the (unfair) negative reaction to Scott's writing and drawing abilities. He really is a very talented guy, and I'm sure if you just got to know him you'd have a different take on things.
So why am I here? Well after this week's attorney general/FBI spying double whammy I was approached by the fine people who run Shrubville. They told me that "Scott wins" (whatever that means) and that Shrubville would be no more. As it was explained to me, the siterunners felt as if Scott wasn't putting in the same effort with Prickly City and if he was simply going to repeat himself day in and day out, then so were the writers at Shrubville, and why keep hoeing the same row?
But I disagree. I think my boss is doing some amazing work right now. Take today's strip for example. Scott brings back his recurring character "Baby Go Boom Boomer," tackling how so many of the "me" generation are whining again about still being hip and cool. I myself am part of Generation X, so luckily I'm spared from his wrath. Personally I'm glad Scott has taken the advice of many of the emailers to the podcast AND the Shrubville writers and has brought back one of his characters. It's always great to have another voice besides those of Carmen and Winslow.
Which is why I can't let Shrubville die. While CJo, Sacki, and The Furnace may feel they have little left in the tank, I think that having a site that keeps Scott on his toes is a good thing. He is devoting more time to political topics, which I think has rejuvenated him after his surgery. His Winslow flying strips are as terrific as ever. But there are times when, admittedly, he does take the easy way out. And since I consider myself left-of-center, I'm going to take up the duties of keeping Scott Stantis in check. I do it on the podcasts all the time, so why not my own website too?
So as God as my witness, Shrubville will never go dark again! Or something like that. This week Scott has a great series of strips about us whiny Democrats, Britney Spears, and a truly inventive look at Winslow trying to fly. I think it's some of his best stuff, BUT as the new voice of Shrubville I'm sure I'll be able to find a little something here or there to poke some fun at and keep my boss in line. It'll be a fun ride, and I promise: Shrubville will be as good as ever, and I would never let my working with Scott influence my take on Prickly City. Let the fun begin!
From the new voice of Shrubville - Toby
(Special thanks to CJo, Sacki, and The Furnace - you'll be missed)
picture courtesy of JB