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February 28, 2007
Scott Stantis' Church of the Poisoned Mind
*What the heck is he talking about?
*Why IS the "lamp" on the chalkboard/church sign SO BIG?
*Why is there an airplane propeller on the chalkboard/church sign?
*Since when is it considered "cynical" to wonder about man-made global warming?
*In his latest podcast Scott Stantis admits his mistakes about the Pelosi storyline of last week. He admitted that he wrote it 3 weeks ago and the story was very fluid at the time. He also admitted that he wasn't clear about the REAL point of the series. The REAL point of the series was -- get this -- that the GOP congress instilled a sense of entitlement after 10 years of control. You get that? His week-long Pelosi rant based on lies was about the sense of entitlement fostered by 10 years of GOP control.
*Stantis is an insufferable prick.
Posted by CJo at 11:16 AM | Comments (2)February 27, 2007
Conservatives and Comedy
Growing up one of my friends was a transplant from the South, having spent a few years of his youth down in Florida and Georgia before moving up to Illinois with his family. Despite living the vast majority of his life on this side of the Mason-Dixon Line, he continues to this day to call himself a Southerner.
He was also a moderate conservative. He was never very political through the 90s under Bubba - he reluctantly admitted he liked Clinton because things were going well, and realized how stupid it was to impeach a guy for lying about getting a hummer. But he still claimed to be a Southern Conservative, which is why he voted for George W. Bush in 2000.
When we were kids he was the one whose idea of humor was exaggeration. He couldn't tell a simple funny story - no, he had to go way over the top with everything he said. In essence, lying. But we were kids - we knew he was blowing things out of proportion - that was part of his schtick. As we got older I even busted him a few times making up completely fake stories just to get a laugh. But that was our Southern Friend - it's just how he was.
Then 9/11 happened. And some lever somewhere in his mind, and I think the minds of many Conservatives, flipped. His "jokes" became more and more mean-spirited. It was easier to make fun of someone than tell a funny story. All of a sudden anyone with darker skin who spoke with a weird accent was subject to a vicious punchline. And anybody who disagreed with the President wanted the terrorists to win. He didn't just exaggerate anymore: he flat-out lied to make his points, funny or not.
We're not close anymore. When he called me a terrorist for disagreeing with him and the President I knew we were pretty much at the end of the road with our friendship. But by that time the writing was already on the wall. He wasn't funny anymore. He was mean. I never knew if what he was saying was true, a blatant lie, or something he heard on Rush or Fox News that he was simply repeating because a conservative said it so it must be true. He had become a sad, bitter man with few friends other than his second wife. Unfortunately, the math seemed pretty clear to me: the more conservative he became, the less funny and less likable he became as well.
Now I'm not saying that's the case for everyone - of course not. But across the board it seems like more and more Bush Conservatives are following the same path. The more isolated they become (now around 28% of the population), the more cruel and quick to lie they've become. Facts be damned: if what they're hearing doesn't agree with what their President tells them, the person who's saying it is a terrorist.
And worst of all: conservatives aren't funny anymore. Dennis Miller is the poster boy. And did any of you see Fox News' new "comedy" answer to The Daily Show? Something called "The 1/2 Hour News Hour." It's painful to watch, especially with the horrible fake laugh track. It's pretty much lies and Republican talking points. But that's comedy to Bush supporters now.
So is Prickly City. I'm sure there's a group out there that will read today's tripe and think it's funny. It's not. Global Warming isn't some huge conspiracy when 99+% of the scientists in the world who study it agree that humans are contributing to the problem. And it's not funny that Winslow would take her to a "church" to prove his point.
I feel bad for guys like Stantis and my friend from the South (who has since moved back down there to be with his family, the only people who agree with him). They don't realize how THEY are the ones who are the fringe in this country, not the "lefty loons" they spent the past six years demonizing. The majority of Americans believe Global Warming is a problem. The vast majority of Americans want our troops out of Iraq. And the overwhelming majority of Americans think George W. Bush is a horrible president and wish he was out of office right now.
The only humor I see in the Republican party right now is that their leading candidates for President - McCain, Giuliani, and Romney - either have a handful of divorces in their past, were pro-choice up until a few years ago, or aren't even Christian. Now THAT'S funny.
Prickly City is not.
February 26, 2007
Mock You
Wasn't it just a few years back that people on the cutting edge of acceptance of global warming were openly mocked by the mainstream press, AM Radio, CB Radio, and GOP gay-bathhouse cruisers?
Oh, wait. Did I say a "few years back?" What I really meant was a "couple weeks ago." You know, the screaming headlines on Drudge, the snickering reports on CNN: Conference on Global Warming canceled because of -- GET THIS!!!!!!! -- a snowstorm! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. You see, it can't be "global warming" if there is a blizzard! Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Whatever, Stantis. Just go away. [Waves hand dismissively as if to shoo a pest away.]
Posted by CJo at 10:28 AM | Comments (1)February 25, 2007
I'm Doing This As Hard As I Can
February's dreary. And the birds go tweet. Tell us something we don't already know.
How about an abbreviated Future Goggles? But instead of what Stantis will talk about (I think we can all agree there will be lots of "tasteful" Anna Nicole jokes), let's take a look at what was happening two weeks ago that he could talk about but probably won't:
- There is one biggie he might tackle: the military anonymously claimed that Iran was supplying the "Iraqi insurgents" with weapons (don't you just love how anybody that shoots at our troops are simply called insurgents? Keeps the press from having to go through all that hard work of explaining what the heck is actually happening there). Then General Casey said that he didn't believe the leaders in Iran were involved. Then President Bush said they were, and later offered up a bizarre reasoning, asking if it would be worse if the Iranian leaders did know about it or if they didn't. There's nothing worse than you being President, Mr. Bush. That's all we need to know.
- Here's a gem nobody in the "mainstream" media talked about: turns out the 2004 election in Ohio WAS rigged, and two people were convicted and sent to prison for it. But that's not news, is it? I mean gee, it's not like they helped Bush get back into power after he stole the presidency in the first place in 2000, right? And isn't it funny that the reporter on this story says those two convicts "mishandled" the election? It's called RIGGING THE VOTE. Look into it sometime, Mr. Journalist.
- The Prime Minister of Australia basically said that Al Qaeda would love it if Barack Obama was elected president in 2008. Obama took it all in stride though, saying if John Howard is so much in love with war that maybe he should send over a few thousand more troops to Iraq to help out. No response from Howard, since he's a dick.
- Stantis might actually talk about Windows Vista being released. Because technology is evil, dontcha know. In a related note, still no podcast update.
- I wonder why Stantis never mentioned the whole Boston "terrorism" scare surrounding the Aqua Teen Hunger Force ad campaign. They talked about it in the last podcast (on 2/3) but Stantis never addressed it in Prickly City. Maybe because he doesn't want people reading about a show that's actually funny.
- When did the Scooter Libby trial start? It would be fitting for Winslow and Carmen to talk about how innocent Scooter is right around the same time next week he's found guilty (well, when he should be found guilty - that one old lady who refused to wear the heart t-shirt on Valentine's Day might be a hold out). Oh and speaking of V-day, look for Winslow to have sent Conde some chocolates and for her to respond with another restraining order. Hilarity!
That's all I've got. There was a blizzard in Colorado a few weeks back (one of several), so Stantis might tackle global warming. Eh. Honestly, does anyone care anymore? At least before Stantis was worth ridiculing and correcting. Now he's just zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Wake me up when it's over.
Posted by The Furnace at 12:11 PM | Comments (0)February 24, 2007
Laughing With & At
Ha ha ha ha ha!
No, seriously, today's Prickly City is actually funny. For all kinds of reasons. Granted I'm sure Stantis didn't really mean for it to be THIS funny, but damn - this is good.
Winslow has a podcast! He's SOMEBODY! Carmen points out that thousands of other people have podcasts too. Winslow thinks that makes him nobody. Altogether now: awwwww.
First off, I'm a big fan of self-depreciating humor. Nothing better than Stantis admitting that he's a nobody. Not just in podcasts, but in comic strips as well (see, I told you he didn't realize he was making a bigger point). Just because you have a "conservative" comic strip doesn't make you anybody, Stantis. It's good you're on the road to realizing that. When there are pages and pages of other GOOD comics out there, you're only given a spot because the newspapers feel the need to give a Republican a voice even if he's unfunny. Unless it's by accident, as per today's strip.
Then the real gag: Stantis's podcast hasn't been updated since the second of February. Gotta love that the guy KNEW two weeks ago he was going to talk about his podcast, and then when it runs he hasn't even updated his own. You'd think the whole point was to get people to listen to it but nope - Stantis's lazy azz once again provides unintentional laughs. Again I say: ha ha ha ha!
Not only is today's strip funny, it's also a relief: no more Nancy Pelosi airplane lies. That's probably why his podcast has been put on hold - Stantis is dealing with an avalanche (well, maybe two) emails from readers pointing out that the whole airplane controversy was made up by Republicans as part of a smear campaign. In fact the Republican Congressman who led the charge now admits that he had no personal knowledge of the case, he was just repeating the lies he read in the conservative Washington Times. This leads to the big question: will Stantis apologize for a week of strips based on Republicans lies? I'd say the other question is if he'll be funny doing it, but we all know the answer to that.
Unless it's by accident. Then Stantis is hysterical.
February 23, 2007
Fair Farce: None
I think Sacki nailed it yesterday. Stantis IS a dumb, monkey-ugly man. And it's been fascinating watching him this week turn from a dumb, monkey-ugly man to a petulant child...you know the kind: the sniveling little twit wearing a tie and sportcoat at age 10, pretending to be Alex P. Keaton, perpetually five-seconds away from getting his face bashed in by his social betters. But Stantis took it one step further this week: he took the extra 'intelligent designed' leap from Monkey-to-Child-to-a babbling, nonsense-spewing, bawling bouncing pooping-in-his-pants baby.
All I hear is:
"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa."
And all I see is:
February 22, 2007
If He Hollers Let Him Go
Crikey....
Working under the assumption that perhaps there is some effort put into writing the Prickly City, I'd have to say that it's a waste of energy to go through all that hassle for such an easy punchline. Yeah, Pelosi's an uggo; but did you really have a boner for Hastert? Then again, what kind of primitive thinking and drawing do you expect from someone who looks like this:
February 21, 2007
Planes, Stains & Automoblies
This Pelosi airplane charge has been debunked and deconstructed inside, outside, upside-down, every which way but loose. The only people who still don't get it are Scott Stantis and other sniveling bitter 'conservatives' grasping desperately at anything that makes them feel big and erect again, pawing away at scraps and bits of hearsay, hoping to draw a needle-prick drop of blood to feed their empty evil souls.
There's a similar charge going around in the state of Massachusetts, where the Puritan assholes who -- trust me -- ain't as 'liberal' as they are portrayed in the media, have wet their twisted little underwear over the newly-elected (liberal, black) Governor's choice of vehicle. The Boston Globe's Jeff Jacoby, who is a couple shades more conservative than Scott Stantis but just as ugly, dumb, and full of -- one assumes -- his own cum, has this pretty little piece today.
Of course, one of the main facts left out in Jacoby's and others' ridiculous and overheated reaction: the State Police recommended the Governor upgrade the car due to security concerns.
But don't try arguing that point with a bitter, lonely conservative! He can't hear you! His head is up his ass!
Posted by CJo at 09:12 AM | Comments (1)February 20, 2007
The Plane Truth: Stantis Sucks
I'm not sure what's more annoying: Republicans lying and creating phony controversies to distract from real issues like the war in Iraq, or Stantis talking about the story two weeks later.
For the idiots like Stantis who weren't paying attention when this fake story was first generated by the Republicans: Nancy Pelosi did NOT ask for a plane. The Republican-appointed House of Representatives' Sergeant at Arms Bill Livingood requested Pelosi have a larger military plane than former Speaker Hastert. You see, Chicago is closer to DC than San Francisco, so Pelosi's plane needed to be bigger so it could make the trip without having to stop to refuel. A pretty simple story to understand unless you're an idiotic Republican who would rather "debate" a fake issue than talk about the war in Iraq.
Of course this could have all been avoided if Hastert and the Republicans, when deciding that the Speaker of the House should have a military plane, had realized that the Speaker can come from any state and they should have chosen a plane that can travel from DC to any one of the 49 landlocked states (then a second plane provided on the West Coast at a later time if we ever have a Speaker from Hawaii). But nope: the Republicans were convinced that Hastert would be Speaker for another two years and didn't need to worry about getting a new plane until he left office. That, and they knew it wouldn't be an issue if they chose someone from California since the Democrats are smart enough to understand that California is further away from DC than Illinois.
In the meantime, the Democrats in the House passed a non-binding resolution supporting the troops but disapproving of the President's plan for escalation in Iraq, the Republicans in the Senate blocked a vote on a similar resolution, and the White House trotted out some anonymous sources with some weapons with English writing on them to claim that Iran is arming the insurgents in Iraq (not mentioning they're probably Shi'ite insurgents, but that's a whole other thing).
So how many more days will Stantis spend on the Nancy Pelosi plane non-story before making jokes about Anna Nicole? At least we know two weeks from now that one strip will be dedicated to Britney's bald head. One less day spent on Stantis trying to joke about politics and not knowing what the hell he's talking about.
February 19, 2007
Drifting, Falling, Floating Weightless
We (the people) have already eaten up this story, Scott. And we've digested it. In fact, it's so far along in the process that we (the people) have already evacuated this from our bowels. It's now drifting, falling, floating weightless through space, as relevant as the strains of a Peter Schiling song wafting through the air.
I'm surprised he didn't fellate Ronald Reagan today on Presidents Day. It would have been the perfect day to hear a pitch for Reagan's inclusion on Mt. Rushmore or Reagan's face on US Currency (not produced at the Franklin Mint).
But instead he goes for the moonshot, the fantastical story that momentarily and inexplicably captures our attention until the next shiny object is blasted into our orbit. A more astute chronicler of human interest would be able to recognize this story as a non-starter and move on before he even began. Then again, a more astute chronicler of human interest would have recognized his own failures years ago and put his drawing pencils through the wood-chipper.
Posted by CJo at 07:39 AM | Comments (2)February 18, 2007
Fluff
From the director of the Lord of the Rings Trilogy (and no, that's not a joke).
Winslow is eaten by a cloud that looks like a killer sheep.
At least I think that's what it is. Today's Prickly City is like one of those posters that if you stare at it long enough you can make out what it's really supposed to be. I see a sheep, you might see a T-Rex wearing ear muffs or Snoopy without his black nose.
This is what happens when a man who can't draw tries to do sight gags. It's almost as bad as when Winslow had a banana shoved up his nose.
Do yourself a favor. Don't think too hard about today's Prickly City. I've already forgotten about it. Take a deep breath, spend some time with the family, and remember: Scott Stantis can't do this forever. And with any luck, he won't be doing it a month from now.
February 17, 2007
Wouldn't You Like To Be a Hack Too?
Look closely between the first and second panels of today's Prickly City. It's small, but I'm sure it reads "2-17-2007." Today's date. Now granted Stantis probably wrote this a few weeks ago, but he's known for some time that he would run this strip today.
The strip is about a poll telling us about Americans and their desire for instant gratification. They want everything now, of course. So knowing how Stantis loves to fudge the numbers and make sh!t up, I did a quick Google on "poll instant gratification." The only poll I could come up with is this THIS AP Poll. Which was first written about on MAY 28TH, 2006.
That's right: Carmen's "recent" poll was done in May of last year.
Was that part of the gag? Did Stantis lie to us and say it's recent so he could pull a fast one and tell us it was about "instant" gratification and that liberal Winslow just can't slow down and enjoy life like a good Republican can?
Nope. I'm betting Stantis came up with a cutesy idea about people saying "I want it all, I want it all, and I want it now," looked for a poll that said as much, then wrote the strip saying it was recent even thought it's not. The f*cker saw that Dr. Pepper commercial with the guy driving his convertible in the Arctic drinking a pop and thought he could use it to comment on how Americans act. Stantis wouldn't let a little thing like the poll being from over 8 months ago get in the way of his "jokes" and his social commentary.
Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe someone did conduct a poll asking people yet again about instant gratification in the past month. Or maybe Stantis ordered Toby to ask everyone in the office "Hey, you want stuff now or later" and they all said now so Stantis could say it was a recent poll.
Or Stantis came up with a desired outcome, looked for the justification for it, and then manipulated the intelligence to get what he wanted. Ah yes, a typical Bush Republican.
We all want immediate satisfaction around Shrubville too, Stantis.
Quit. Now.
February 16, 2007
Without Limits
Some look at him and see a clean, athletic, articulate man with a brown moustache. Others see a clean, athletic, articulate man with a blonde moustache. Others still can't look beyond his smooth, hairless legs that look so mesmerizing in shorts. In short, this week has been a comic-strip disaster the likes of which haven't been seen since that one week when Stantis non-sequitured his way from his 1,000th attempt at a bipartisanship joke to Winslow announcing his presidential campaign. (For those of you keeping score at home, that would be 'Last Week.')
"I'm cur," Scott sends us off with, so very cleverly adjectivizing a noun. I'm very optomistic [sic] he will remain such a wizard with the English language.
Posted by CJo at 08:09 AM | Comments (4)February 15, 2007
Voting Is Open
I should run for congress. There, I said it. It had to be said. You had to hear it. What i said. To you. In the same English language that such great leaders as Lincoln and Spambot used.
I demonstrate all the qualities and capabilities of a United States congressman. I can take hours and days to criticize and debate the merits of Prickly City without taking any actual action to change it. Sure, I could've spent all the time and energy (little as that was)performing some meaningful task, but instead here I am, tilting at a windsock. Also, I am not a cat. Ha...ha...eh.
PROPOSED:A. Yes, I would like him to run for congress. His smooth, hairless legs look so mesmerizing in shorts.
B. No, I would not like to see him run for congress. His face gets all red when he exerts too much energy.
Posted by Sacki at 12:07 AM | Comments (2)
February 14, 2007
Snow Job Day
Oh the weather outside is frightful,
But the fire is so delightful
So since this strip is such shit
I'm just gonna up and quit.
(For today.)
Posted by CJo at 10:33 AM | Comments (1)February 13, 2007
Ouroboros? Oh Yes, You Are Boring Us
Those of you expecting to drop by and find another solid offering left by the Furnace in his usual Tuesday slot, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but he'll not be leaving any nuggets today. In the fevered run-up to the big game, he and I made a friendly wager, and somehow my favorite squadron came out on the losing end. Yes, indeed, Pro Bowl XXXVII was everything that it was cracked up to be - so really, nobody's a loser. It combines all the excitement of the second game of the preseason with all the execution of the first game of the preseason and it features all of your favorite players, provided they haven't decided to forgo the trip to Honolulu and been replaced by some other guy.
Anyhow, here we are examining today's Prickly City. Four panels. Classic! Don't you just feel ripped off when the writer tries to get clever with the medium and starts fiddling around with 3 panels, or even just 1 giant panel? At those times, I feel I'm not getting everything out of the free gocomics.com experience. Even if, as is the case here, 3 of the 4 panels are just the same static image. That, however, means there's a big payoff at the end, you can be certain. Once thing, tho, is we've been doing Shrubville since before Pro Bowl XXXIV, and we know better to expect a big payoff. And since James Brown is gone, we can't even get at the table to negotiate for a big payback. At this point, we'd even settle for a Vic Tayback. We'd be in denial if we thought otherwise. That dog still (still) won't hunt, as they say.
Posted by Sacki at 12:06 AM | Comments (0)February 12, 2007
[Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawn]
Every six months or so, Stantis feels the need to needle the GOP a little. And the majority of these tiny pin-pricks have to do with the "ballooning federal government." Yeah, we get it. But the difference is, we got it at least FIVE YEARS AGO. Each time Stantis drops one of these miniature firecrackers on his own team he acts like it's some grand gesture of Equal Opportunity Criticism. Yeah, pal, you're not lap-doggin' for the Grand Ole Party; you've showed 'em; Give 'em hell, you hairy bastard; blah blah bloody blah.
In the meantime, the one or two remaining Prickly City readers -- namely, the one or two remaining readers of Shrubville -- do not care anymore.
Posted by CJo at 10:55 AM | Comments (1)February 11, 2007
"The children are right to laugh, Carmen. These scissors couldn't cut butter."
Found this on some Simpsons website. If you're into t-shirts check it out.
Um, huh?
Stantis has been reading the backs of philosophy books again. Today is some ham-fisted attempt at talking about how he wants to deal with the problems men have with each other - and how he's failing miserably. Or something like that. I don't know - and I'm sure Stantis doesn't know either.
Carmen has a scissors and wants to cut the "rope that binds men's souls." What is the metaphorical rope a stand-in for? Why, Fear, Anger, and Ignorance, of course. But the rope is just too big for poor little Carmen to cut through with her baby scissors.
Maybe that's because her Republic Party is the one that's been feeding into those binds, hmm? We've been told for the past six years to be afraid of EVERYTHING. We're supposed to hate people who don't look and talk and pray like us. And Ignorance is the best policy.
You're right, Stantis - there is a rope binding men's souls. Of your conservative brothers. Don't try to act like this is some awesome example of how you are heroically trying to bring the world together but the problems are just too enormous. You've been feeding into these things since day one. Be afraid of gay marriage. Be afraid of terrorists that r gonna getcha. Ignore the economic data that shows the tax cuts were a bust. Be angry at that Liberal Loony Left because they dare point out how f*cking hypocritical most people on the Religious Right are. And so on.
The first step in making that rope smaller for you Stantis is to admit that you're a part of the problem, not the solution. The second step is to quit.
It's okay with us if you skip the first step.
February 10, 2007
With A Pocket Full of Shells
Hey I found the perfect running mate for Winslow - although he's probably a member of the Republic Party.
Today's strip is probably as good as it's ever going to get in Prickly City. Carmen notes how only millionaires can run for the Presidency (of course she doesn't put it that way, but that's what it means), asks Winslow how much he's raised in the few days he's been campaigning, and he makes a "joke" about having five bucks but then he got hungry. Dude, dollar menu at Wendy's - you'd still have a few bucks left.
Is it funny? Eh. I mean it's not terrible or offensive or anything like Stantis usually is. It's just completely "been there, done that" - the most obvious joke possible considering the set up. But I guess that's more than Stantis usually gives us.
So where does Stantis stand on the issue of campaign financing? Is he saying that it's ridiculous that a person has to be a millionaire with rich friends to run for the highest office in the land? Or is he saying it's a good thing you have to be incredibly wealthy so poor bastards like Winslow are kept out of the political debate since every Republican knows that poor people are stupid? We'll probably never know since tomorrow is Sunday and Winslow hasn't tried flying lately. I expect him to try and use a glider with a "Vote for Winslow '08 - Now With a Dumber Slogan Than Before" banner flying behind it - before he crashes and Carmen makes a smart ass remark.
What's amazing is that at a time when the rest of the media is too busy being distracted with psycho astronauts and the death of Ana Nicole Smith Stantis is actually talking about politics. Of course that'll change in a few weeks when Stantis talks about those two topics ad naseum, but it's a nice change of pace to have Prickly City be about politics instead of what Stantis is fascinated by in popular culture like the rest of the sheep in the country.
The big question: will Carmen announce HER candidacy next week? Maybe unlike Winslow she'll have an awesome platform like the rest of the Republic party. More tax cuts for the rich! Endless war in the Middle East! No gay marriage! Yup, sounds like a winner to me.
February 09, 2007
That's a Storybook, Man
There are two avenues of attack the Conservative movement is leveling against Barack Obama: 1) He's a Manchurian Candidate -- an Islamicist in hiding -- who, once elected, will bring down the US in the name of Allah, or 2) He's all fluff and no substance, a media darling with no clear-cut stances on any issue who will just bow to the prevailing political winds.
The only response to both attacks is: Fuck off, you ignorant jerkoffs and go back to beating your significant others and/or buggering small children.
But, man, we'd better get used to it. Beaters and Buggerers like Scott Stantis are scared shitless. The "cute and cuddly" (which is code for "clean and articulate") Obama is en fuego, and that's just from the cigarette dangling from his lips.
Over the next year it will be interesting to see who Stantis is more afraid of: Obama or Clinton. He's been ragging on Hillary for years now; we'll see if the Obama slurs catch up.
Posted by CJo at 08:03 AM | Comments (0)February 08, 2007
Stantis...sucks. I Think!...
Winslow declared his candidacy the same week as this guy. I mean gal. Who knows - he's from New York.
Sacki called in "sick" today. By "sick" I'm pretty sure he means "I don't want to write about Prickly City today because Stantis continues to find ways to suck more than anyone else in the funny pages." At least that's what I'm assuming he meant.
It's a simple gag today: Carmen lets us know that even before Winslow announced he was running in '08 there were more candidates than voters. Ha ha ha. No, really, that's HYSTERICAL. You see, because there are a lot of people running for office. Like a eight on each side. Whoo boy, that's a lot. And there are only like 110 million voters. Man alive, this is a true gut buster.
The interesting part about today's strip is Stantis's use of the English language. I noted the other day how piss-poor his language skills are, and today is further proof that the boy needs to have his college degree revoked. Oh, wait, that's right - he never graduated from college. Color me surprised.
Let's take a look at what Carmen says today:
"Even before you entered the race, Winslow...it was true. For the first time in our history! Presidential candidates will officially outnumber voters in 2008..."
At least he spelled everything correctly.
But what the hell is up with that punctuation? Why is there an exclamation point? I understand the first ellipsis in panel one, and I'll maybe buy it at the start of panel two, but why does it end with one?
Yeah, I know - picking nits. But Jeebus, is there anything Stantis doesn't suck at?
So where do we go from here? Does Stantis tell us if Winslow is running as a Democrat, a Republican, a Lieberman for Lieberman, or something else? Will we see where Winslow stands on the issues? Probably not, since Stantis won't want us to have a handy guide to refer back to when he has Winslow flip flop on the issues like he has for the past few years.
Instead we'll probably get some Obama/Madrasa "jokes," a comment about Kerry dropping out, and something unflattering about Hillary.
Oh, wait - tomorrow's Friday? What was Britney doing two weeks ago? And was she wearing a thong when she did it?
February 07, 2007
Everyone Else is Doing It So Why Can't He?
Last time we checked in with Winslow's political career, he was going to run against Carmen for Mayor of Prickly City. But alas, Stantis dropped that idea like the gigantic, hot, stinking turd it was. So now Winslow thinks he can parlay his 1-day mayoral campaign into a bid for the presidency with the slogan, "Winslow: Now, More Than Before!" which makes no sense to me, but at least is catchier than "Bring 'em Young for Romney" or "Hot Cox in '08" or "Protect your White backs and Greenbacks with Brownback."
Posted by CJo at 10:40 AM | Comments (3)February 06, 2007
The Real McCarmen
Looks like Carmen isn't the only one who has a problem with wearing two faces.
So which Carmen won?
After last week's Two Carmens storyline I was hoping that Stantis would have defined his whiny little brat so we would have an idea just where the strip is going now that the Democrats are in charge of the Congress. No dice.
Apparently though this Carmen has decided she does NOT like bipartisanship, at least not with the Dems are in charge. Why? They might actually accomplish something.
What do you want from us, Stantis? To go back to the way it was for the last four years when NOTHING got accomplished even though the Republicans had solid majorities in both houses? Hell Bush just offered up his own budget for 2007 since the Republicans decided it wasn't really their job to...you know, do their job and actually create one for the year before leaving office in 2006.
Maybe Carmen's right - let's go back to the way it was. Let's check out all of those awesome accomplishments of the Republican Congress when they had all of the control and "bipartisanship" meant "do what we say, bitch."
Hmm. I'm trying, but I can't come up with one good thing the Republicans accomplished that helped the whole country. If you can, please - fill up that comments section with all of their mighty accomplishments (endless war, a mountain of debt, and outrageous healtcare costs aren't positives, just so you know). They did give plenty of tax cuts to the rich and wealthy and they're really happy, but unless you're a millionaire things have sucked pretty bad in this country under George Bush and his Republican Rangers.
I guess the Carmen that blindly follows W is the one that won out. Forget bipartisanship - the Dems might actually do things that benefit more than just the rich, like funding stem cell research and raising the minimum wage.
If that's the case then, shouldn't she be bitching that the minority party is filibustering not just a vote but an entire debate on the floor of the Senate? Lord knows that if the Dems tried to filibuster a debate on Iraq a year ago they would have been tarred and feathered as traitors. The Republicans do it now though and I'm sure in Stantis's mind their the greatest heroes in American history.
Ultimately there were never two Carmens. It was just Stantis trying to come to grips with the fact that he's a hypocrite. And once again he failed miserably. But I'm sure in his mind he was both hysterical and ground-breaking. You keep thinking that you're good at your job, Stantis. You and W both.
Posted by The Furnace at 09:32 AM | Comments (0)February 05, 2007
So Many Questions
Wouldn't today's strip have made more sense back a couple weeks ago when Stantis was discussing Duct Tape bipartisanship? Did he forget he already "tackled" the subject two weeks? Does he even choose which strips are published when? Does he write 30 strips in one sitting and toss the stack down the stairs and send them to the syndicate in the order in which he picks them up? Is he pulling a Buckets on this strip already? [Slowly farming out the writing and drawing of the strip to some mangle-bodied assistant, eventually washing his hands of the entire mess.] Should we be concerned for his family's safety since every other strip features punching for patriotism, bludgeoning with a baseball bat, bitch-slapping, hog-tying, or shaving? Will it ever end? My god, my god, why hast thou forsaken me?
Posted by CJo at 10:41 AM | Comments (0)February 04, 2007
Swish, or Nothing But Rimshot
The greatest player in the history of the NBA.
Hey, wasn't there some big brawl in the NBA a while back? Oh yeah, there was: last year, on December 16th, 2006. Stantis finally gets around to making a "joke" about it. Next up: he predicts the Tigers will beat the Cards in 4 games.
Personally I think the NBA is about as real as pro wrestling. They should follow the WWE's example and start referring to it as "sports entertainment" instead of professional basketball. What, you don't think it's rigged? And Hulk Hogan won all those matches without the benefit of steroids or a script. And Michael Jordan "retired" for those two years instead of being suspended for his gambling problems.
Of course it's perfect that Stantis runs this comic today. Wouldn't somebody working with him say, "Um, isn't that Super Bowl Sunday? Why not make a joke about that?" Nope. Maybe the people working with him are also trying to help put this strip out of its misery.
As for the Big Game, I say take the Bears and the points. Personally I think the Colts will win (yes, I know, I can already hear the Chicago Shrubville readers booing and hissing) but I don't think they can cover the spread. 31-27 Colts, but if the Colts win it on a Vinatieri a field goal then the NFL might as well hire Randy "Macho Man" Savage as their next commissioner.
February 03, 2007
Somebody Pull The Plug
Arrested Development - G.O.B. Coffin Trick
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It's over. Scott Stantis might not have accepted it, but everyone else has: Prickly City is dead. It just doesn't know it yet.
Like a horror film villain that's been shot full of holes but still lurches at our hero, the audience knows that while it's still crawling it's only a matter of time before it's finally blown to pieces and the end credits role.
This past week of Two Carmens will stand as the worst series in the history of Prickly City by leaps and bounds. Worse than the shark in the desert. Worse than the desert hamsters. Worse than Winslow with a banana up his nose.
It started with a decent idea. Carmen, the symbol of the Republican party, finds herself split in two and debating herself on the issues. Here's a perfect vehicle to explore how the Republican party has divided between the Rational Righties and the Religious Righties. Between those who want to be ruled by the Constitution and those who want the Bible to lead the way. Republicans who are anti-Bush, and the zombies who stopped thinking for themselves years ago (right around 9/11/2001).
But the storyline was over before it started.
It began with Carmen asking "Who am I?" By the end of the series we learn she should have asked "Whom am I?"
Hump Day was a stupid reference to cloning and how it's okay to wear fur. When exactly is this "debate" supposed to start, Stantis?
I'm still baffled by Thursday's strip about the Republicans loving "The State." Is Stantis asking when Republicans started to believe in an all-powerful Executive Branch where the President is the Almighty Leader? He never explains.
Yesterday was about the Republicans buying the election and how that was Plan B - WTF was Plan A? We'll never know. Stantis didn't have a punchline and that's what he came up with.
Today is the ultimate example of how Stantis comes up with a decent idea and can't execute it. He wants one Carmen to incorrectly use grammar so the other one can correct her, and then make a lame pitch that we need school vouchers. So what's the grammatical error? The use of "who" and "whom." The problem? The first Carmen who says, "Who are we?" is right. The second Carmen "corrects" her, immediately confusing the situation. Then Stantis goes into a lame "Who's on First?" (or as Carmen #2 would say, "Whom's on First?") bit. Carmen #1 says that this ridiculous exchange shows the need for dialogue, while Carmen #2 says it means we need school vouchers. Yeah, that's just what we need: since No Child Left Behind was such a brilliant Republican failure we should now entrust them with vouchers? What today's Prickly City confirms is that Stantis isn't just unfunny and a bad writer, he's also a failure in general English skills. You'd think those things would be the main requirements when earning a living as a comic strip writer, but apparently not when W is in office. That's what we get for electing a guy who's just as bad as Stantis in all of those areas too AND is a failed oil man.
The podcast is worth listening to, if only for Tim in Studio City's letter slamming Stantis for last week's non-sensical stem/coyote cell strip. Not only is the letter powerful and to the point, Stantis's lame Republican response shows exactly how far gone PC and the Republican party are.
I mean Jesus Christ, Stantis actually claims he did RESEARCH to come up with Winslow in a blender.
Farewell, Prickly City. You are in death as you were in life: a waste of time.
Note: We learn during the podcast that Prickly City has been picked up by another newspaper and some strange online service in Canada. I feel sorry for the Canadians. They're good people. They don't deserve to be exposed to the dead and rotting carcas of a strip that was never good to begin with. But hopefully, much like those of us who watched as the demise started ages ago, they won't have to put up with it much longer.
February 02, 2007
He Came, He Saw, He Unzipped his Pants
I bet this guy is a real joy in the sack. I imagine he climaxes with his trousers still on, after which he rapidly takes off his belt, rips his zipper down, and topples over in a heap on the floor whilst trying to drop his drawers. On the floor, with his pants still not removed, he quivers and sighs -- job well done, sport -- and pictures himself soaring over the desert, flying in the air so fancy free.
I sure wish I could comment on the substance of the strip, the dialog between Thing One and Thing Two, but it was so sloppily introduced, so poorly executed, that all I can do is reproduce the words, hoping that someone can make sense of them:
"When did Neo-Cons begin to love the state?"
"When they didn't think anyone was looking."
"And you thought this would work?"
"Did for ten years."
"Why did we spend and spend our way out of office?"
"So we could buy re-election."
"What's Plan B?"
"That was Plan B..."
If the above makes sense to anyone, please immediately contact your physician.
Posted by CJo at 08:21 AM | Comments (3)February 01, 2007
Simulrick #1: What Makes Your Big Head So Hard?
As popular as the Faiku series was, I've decided to expand into the field of Simulricks. Enjoy.
There once was a girl split in two
With each performing verbal kung fu
While one failed to impress
The other succeeded even less
So that it resembled a retard pas de deux.
picture courtesy of JB