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January 31, 2007
Go, Don't Yell
Look! There are two Carmens! Which is a literal representation of the 'internal debate about what it means to be a conservative!'
Too bad we aren't witnessing the substance of the debate. Too bad Stantis doesn't bother having a real dialog about the topic. Too bad he didn't generate interest and suspense by having a couple days of two Carmens with no explanation, leaving the reader to think, "Wow, I just HAVE to read this tomorrow to find out what's going on."
No. He'd prefer to tell us, not show us. You'd think a comic strip artist would understand the concept of "show, don't tell." But then again, you'd think a comic strip artist could draw, make sense, craft a storyline, write set-ups and punchlines, blah blah blah.
It's just Stantis being Stantis. And the world shrugs. And the readers turn the page. And we slog through another day, praying for The End.
Posted by CJo at 08:36 AM | Comments (3)January 30, 2007
Oh Dear God Now There Are Two Of Them???
Today marks the beginning of the soon-to-be-legendary "Carmen of Two Minds" storyline that CJo hinted at last week.
It seems as though Carmen has been exposed to a synthetic kryptonite that has split her very person into two beings, one most likely "good" and the other "evil," and she'll have to fight herself in a junkyard to determine which will win out. Oops, I'm sorry, that's the plot of Superman III.
Ahem.
Instead Stantis is setting up that after the November elections most Republicans are torn about what they really stand for nowadays. Let's leave out that Stantis flip flopped on issues long before November 7th for the sake of this strip making any sense at all - the idea of four Carmens with battling agendas will drive us insane.
So which way will Carmen lean? We're already seeing her take the Rush Limbaugh stance: I didn't really like these Republican candidates but I voted for them anyway, and now that they're losers I can finally admit that I was just carrying the water for them all year long. But it's really tearing me up inside that I can't decide which way I SHOULD have gone before the elections.
I wonder if Stantis will finally admit that Bush and Co. are dragging the Republican party to the extreme right while ignoring the basic principles of the Republican party. It's only interesting because Stantis has been in lock step with Bush all the way, so will he say that Bush is too far right even for him? Or that moderate Republicans aren't truly Republicans anymore?
What I think bothers guys like Stantis is that they're being left behind (so to speak). They don't realize that the Democratic party, which is the big tent party, is more than happy to greet moderate conservatives and take them in. Over the past decade the Democrats are the ones who want a smaller government (no more comfy positions for cronies and Rove lackies), want to stop all of this wasteful government spending (last check on the cost of the war in Iraq: $1 trillion), and want people to have the right to choose what they do with their lives instead of having the government tell them what to do (let's face it: gay marriage is a Religious Right issue - true conservatives wouldn't want the government telling them who they can and can't marry since that's an issue of privacy).
I think Carmen is of two minds because her Republican party is suffering a breakdown. Moderate Republicans want to go back to spending less and less government. Radical Religious Right Republicans - like Stantis - want the Bible and George W. Bush to show us the way. And Stantis is stunned that his half of the Republican party got their asses kicked in the November elections.
What will become of our little flip flopper Carmen? Will Stantis have her become even more of a Radical Rightie? Or will she move closer to the center like Senator Chuck Hagel? Carmen will eventually have to do what other Republicans are doing - say that anyone who disagrees with their President is a traitor and wants the terrorists to win. Will little Carmen be able to live with herself once she admits that she questions the almighty power of Dear Leader?
Of course she will. In the end she'll discover that she's not really of two minds. It was an evil Democratic clone that Winslow built, or it's Winslow dressed up as Carmen, trying to get into her head and fill it with all of these eeeevil Democratic beliefs. Like that we're all created equal and the government doesn't have the right to spy on us and deny us habeas corpus and torture people.
Then next week Carmen and Stantis will go right back to flip flopping on the issues depending on which way the political winds are blowing in Prickly City.
January 29, 2007
Hammer Pulp Up Your Ass
Wow. Art Buchwald -- may he rest in peace -- kicked it on 1/18/07. Eleven days later, Stantis mentions it in print. While for Stantis that's world-record speed, for other media outlets, most of them electronic, that is speed at which glaciers melt if measuring with fake-science by Bush-appointed fake-scientists.
He really should stop using 'Prickly City' as a vehicle to mourn the decline and eventual fall of print media. If anything, the purportedly topical comic strip written 1.5 weeks in advance is illustrative of just why print media should go away.
So, Scott, take one for the team. Be a "great newspaper man" and step down. The future of the medium depends on it.
Posted by CJo at 07:55 AM | Comments (1)January 28, 2007
Future Goggles: I Think I See The End...And It's Close
Three simple words: WTF? It's yet another variation on Winslow trying to fly today, but he's actually doing a decent job since he's skiing (apparently Stantis realized that it DID snow over most of New Mexico and Arizona last weekend despite his poorly timed Winslow shoveling strip). So where does he land? With his head in Carmen's...slushy? Huh? Again - wtf? At the VERY least couldn't he have landed in her sno-cone? Odds are one person chuckled at today's strip, but Stantis's wife doesn't count since she's supposed to laugh at everything he says and does. Sorry, but today's strip is just another reminder of how Stantis seems to have given up. And I say it's about time, because the sense around Shrubville is that we're about to give up on him too.
With that said it might be time to slap on the Future Goggles(c) one last time:
- A few weeks back Bush, after a month-long listening tour where everyone except for John McCain told him to get out of Iraq, told the country that he was sending in MORE troops - 21,500 to be exact. Seriously, ONE person - St. McCain - wanted 20,000 or so troops. Oh, wait, I'm sorry - McCain didn't honestly think that Bush would do it, so instead of the 20,000 troops he called for in October 2006 McCain revised his own history and said that we really needed more like 30,000 troops. Boy, must suck to McCain nowadays, doesn't it? The guy is hoping the war continues until 2008 but he doesn't want things to get any worse - just maintain the status quo until he can get into office. But he has to look "tough on terror," so why not call for more troops at a time when everybody is saying we have to pull out? Except that damn George W. actually listened to him - ignored the Iraq Study Group, ignored his own generals (who were then forced to resign or retire), ignored all of the Democratic plans (and there are at least 3 despite what Tony Snow says), and - maybe most importantly - ignored 69% of the American public's desire to get the hell out of the New Viet Nam. It'd be a lot easier to feel bad for McCain if I didn't feel so horrible for all of the families that are directly effected by the war.
(PC Prediction: Carmen and Winslow stand in the desert. Carmen says she wants more troops so we can finally win, just like the president says, and anyone who disagrees hates America and wants the terrorists to win. Winslow says he's a Democrat, just like Joe Lieberman, and couldn't agree more.)
- Speaking of which, Stantis might bring up the exchange between Democratic Senator Barbara Boxer and Conde Rice where Boxer pointed out that none of her family are of service age and Conde doesn't have any kids, so who really pays the price for us being over there? Of course the Republicans went ape-sh!t crazy, saying that Boxer was attacking Rice for not being married and having children and Tony Snow (there he is again) said that it was a huge blow to the women's movement. Gee, did he say that when Laura Bush pointed out that Conde wasn't married, didn't have kids, and her parents are dead and that's why she'll never be President? I didn't think so.
(PC Prediction: Carmen whines about how Barbara Boxer hates single women and maybe even uses the term "lynching" like Comedian Rush Limbaugh said (god is that guy a racist). Winslow makes some leering comment about wanting to give her his babies. Everyone cringes.)
- Bush named a Navy Admirial to be the new commander of CentCom, the first time a sailor has been assigned the post. At a time when we're fighting TWO ground wars. Shortly after that Bush told the world he was moving ships into position to "monitor" Iran. Hmmmmm...
(PC Prediction: Carmen starts talking about how we need to invade Iran. Winslow nods in agreement, thinking it's 2002 and the same way the Administration lied us into war with Iraq works just fine for Iran too.)
- Oh, it was Martin Luther King Jr.'s birthday. Since Stantis didn't plan ahead I wonder if he'll make mention of it. Probably not.
(PC Prediction: Carmen and Winslow both make jokes about John Edwards being a trial lawyer or Hillary being a bitch. Hillarity does not ensue.)
It'll be interesting to see what Stantis actually does this week. Two weeks back the focus was on Bush sending more troops to Iraq and setting us up to go to war with Iran, so it'll be hard for Stantis to ignore that - especially now that he seems open to the idea of spending an entire week on a single political subject. Of course he botched that with the unfunny, non-sensical stem cell strips this past week, but that's never stopped him before. Instead he'll probably ignore those issues since they're actually political and the vast majority of Americans are against staying in Iraq and going to war with Iran (even though Stantis - Bush's #1 fan - is probably all in favor of both).
What was Britney Spears doing a few weeks ago? Were there any stories about TV making kids fat? Maybe Carmen finally got ahold of Winslow's cell phone and she's addicted to texting...
January 27, 2007
The Light At The End of the Tunnel?
Geez, is it just me or has Prickly City gotten much more painful to read lately? Stantis FINALLY spends a week on one topic, and it's some bizarre twist on embryonic stem cell research that didn't make any logical sense. Oh, and there weren't any jokes either, but we're used to that. What happened to the rejuvenated Stantis coming back off of an injury? I guess he's long gone, replace by the original Stantis - who's quickly losing his mind because newspapers are realizing how terrible he is.
Today Stantis continues his hatred of technology as Winslow "accidentally" zaps Carmen with his taser. Of course this is because Carmen asked him to borrow his cell phone. Hey, wait - doesn't Carmen dislike technology, especially cell phones? Why would she be asking to borrow a phone when the only person she ever talks to is Winslow?
Yeah, that's Stantis for you. Anywho she ends up getting zapped. And it serves her right for shaving Winslow bald yesterday. I'm surprised Stantis didn't throw in a "joke" that we should give embryos tasers too.
Lord knows why Stantis chose to zap Carmen today. Obviously it would make more sense for Winslow to get tagged since he's the one who always wants to talk on the phone. But no - Carmen loves cell phones, Winslow is an idiot for not knowing the difference between a phone and a taser, and after a week of goofy strips about stem cells that didn't make any god dang sense Stantis digs up a strip he probably intended to use a few months ago but set aside because Britney Spears forgot to wear panties one night. Bah.
I'm starting to sense that the end of Prickly City is near. And it couldn't come soon enough.
Posted by The Furnace at 08:06 AM | Comments (0)January 26, 2007
Hammer Blank Up Your Blank
Wow. WOW. This guy is completely off his rocker. I'm not talking about the content of the strip, mind you. I barely read it these days. (Does anyone read 'Prickly City' anymore?) No, I'm talking about his podcast, which mysteriously appeared on the site today (?), but is dated 1/20/07.
Stantis goes on quite the rant about the Tribune canceling PC. Apparently the Tribune told him they were dropping all 'political' strips from the comic pages, which Stantis rightly calls "bull" and later "crap" because, alas, "Doonesbury" remains. He then implores listeners to email the Tribune's Deputy Managing Editor Jim Warren, whom Stantis refers to as a 'wanker,' and also the Tribune's Deputy Managing Editor of Features, Geoff Brown, whom Stantis implies is gay because he spells his name with a G instead of the more manly J.
Stantis is so incensed and unhinged over this, he cleared up an AGE-OLD PRICKLY CITY MYSTERY we've been pondering for years here at Shrubville HQ. He finally fills in the following blanks!
Would you believe the answer is: 'hammer sand up your ass!'?? Because that's what he instructed the Tribune to do.
I may not be familiar with all regional dialects, but I have NEVER heard that expression EVER. I suppose I should study up on 'Dimwit Republican Crackerese.'
The podcast then degenerates into Toby wishing Stantis were Ann Coulter so he [Toby] could duct-tape her/him [the Coulter/Stantis being], throw her/him in the trunk of his car, take her/him home and, presumably, have his way with her/him. Dis. Tur. Bing.
In the near future, look for Stantis to have strips featuring two Carmens to illustrate the internal debate many Conservatives are having over the future course of the movement. What a genius!
Posted by CJo at 07:25 AM | Comments (2)January 25, 2007
Lean Lupine
I apologize for the lack of a substantive column remarking on the content of the Prickly City comic strip today, but I'm still in stitches over the State of the Union address. Continuing the theme of the two great objectives (2002) and sixteen words (2003), we were treated to the sight of the man who, like Diogenes in his quest of yore, puts forth the great query objective of five words hoping to get to the crux of the matter: Who wants to sex Mutombo? You stay classy, D.C.
Posted by Sacki at 12:04 AM | Comments (0)January 24, 2007
Boy, for once Stantis is right. If stem cell research could find a way to 'cure' male pattern baldness the white, male, bald GOP would be all over it like it was a teen male page half-bent over a desk reaching for a stapler placed just too far out of reach, his rear end just slightly upturned as if to say, 'I'd sure like a 60-year-old man to take a Viagra so his mishapen, flaccid, wrinkled penis would become erect so he could rend me for a good 2-3 minutes before he ejaculates and crumbles in a god-fearing heap on the ground, sobbing, hugging himself, hating himself, rocking slowly back and forth.'
But cancer, paralysis, Parkinson's, ALS...that kind of thing? Nah. Let God sort those out. That's why He gets paid the big bucks.
Posted by CJo at 06:19 AM | Comments (2)January 23, 2007
Stantis, Quit Breaking Our Balls
Looking back at yesterday's foray into the stem cell research debate, Winslow reminded me of someone that I'm sure Stantis didn't have in mind. Who do we know was adamantly opposed to abortion, yet when her husband fell victim to alzheimer's became the leading supporter of embryonic stem cell research?
That's right: Nancy Reagan.
The husband of President Ronald Reagan. The man who once wrote this article, early in his presidency, talking about "more than 15 million unborn children have had their lives snuffed out by legalized abortions." But boy did his family flip flop on that issue when it turned on those embryonic cells in abandoned frozen embryos offered a chance to cure President Reagan's illness, didn't they?
Stantis just doesn't get it. It's usually the Republican Conservatives that are the hypocrites on these kinds of issues. Take my friend Conservative Mel. Totally opposes universal healthcare. But was the first to bitch when his grandmother's medicaid ran out and the hospital kicked her out after two weeks before she was healthy enough to leave. And when his step daughter might have needed surgery and it would have cost him an arm and a leg even though he has insurance. And I'm sure like Nancy and Ron he opposes embyronic stem cell research and all cases of abortion because of the "sanctity of life" - until someone he loves is striken with a disease that might be cured by it or that stepdaughter gets pregnant after she's raped by some escaped con with a hook for a hand (and I pray none of those things happen to his family - just making a point).
But this week supposedly in Prickly City it's the Liberal Winslow who's opposed to people harvesting his cells. Um, what? Where is Stantis even getting this stuff? When have liberals said "oh no, you can't take ______ because it's mine mine mine!" Sure doesn't sound like any lefties I know. We're the folks who don't mind raising taxes if it means helping the country during a time of war.
I guess Stantis is saying that Moral Carmen is so good and pure that she refuses to do anything that might harm another human soul if it means helping the rest of us. She would never use embryos that are a mass of a dozen cells that are frozen somewhere and will eventually destroyed, because in her mind those cells are the equivalent of you and me (if that's the case dammit, make it pay taxes too). She's holier than thou, dontcha know.
Yet it's funny - I don't hear Miss Moral opposing a war where over 3,000 American souls have been lost because of Bush's lies. I don't hear her crying over the half MILLION Iraqis that have died because of the war. She isn't calling for us to intervene in the genocide happening in Darfur.
Nope, she's whining about dolls that are dressed too sexy. And punching Winslow in the face when he does something she doesn't like.
Get off your damn high horse, Stantis. Before you fall off, end up paralyzed, and have to flip flop on the issue. Because we all know you would like you do on every other issue when it's not popular anymore.
Posted by The Furnace at 09:11 AM | Comments (1)January 22, 2007
Another Example
Another example of half-baked political discussion.
Another example of Winslow "fad-hopping" from liberal to conservative, like a fuzzy, non-Mormon Mitt Romney.
Another example of Carmen looking shitty and hump-backed.
Another example of why increasing numbers of readers (us included) find it hard to care anymore.
Another day in Prickly City.
Posted by CJo at 07:45 AM | Comments (1)January 21, 2007
Scott Stantis Hates Technology - But Carmen Doesn't
Ah yes, let's go back to a time before technology pulled families apart...oh, wait...
Okay admit it - if you laughed at this morning's Prickly City it was because the punchline reminded you of the much funnier "anti-dentite" line from Seinfeld where Stantis stole it from.
This is one of the most obvious "Hi, I'm Scott Stantis, and I'm going to talk directly to you through Carmen" strips he's ever done. You see Stantis isn't against technology, he just wants to stop running the human race just for a few brief, glimmering moments so we can all come together for a big group hug. Mom, put on your pearl necklace, cook us up a roast, and we'll all sit around the kitchen table while Dad puffs away on his pipe and the children - Beaver and Buffy - tell us about how much they love their parents. You know, like in the 50s - before technology ruined America.
In Stantis's eyes technology is the Big Bad that's tearing our families apart. Not a poor economy where both parents have to work to make ends meet. Not a housing market where the bubble just burst and all of those over-valued houses with their variable mortgage rates are driving people into bankruptcies and foreclosures. Not rising gas prices thanks to the international "good will" our President has been spreading around the globe. Nope - it's all because Buffy has a cell phone and gets to talk to her friends on there instead of on the house phone where in the past Dad would come home and tan her hide because he couldn' get through to tell Mom that he was going to be home late from work.
Sorry, I just get irritated with Stantis and other conservatives acting like technology is tearing us apart. Heck if anything it's bringing us too close together. I can talk to someone in Japan on the computer if I want to, not that I really need to. Most of the people yapping on cell phones while they're driving are having conversations that aren't necessary. I can get a letter from a distant relative in a matter of seconds instead of waiting three days for snail mail to deliver it.
But maybe Stantis has a point. Maybe we should put down our "toys" and spend some "quality time" with our families.
So let's all skip Stantis's "weekly" podcasts from now on. Maybe that can bring us together. At least it'll save us five minutes once a month.
January 20, 2007
Snowbound
Don't you just hate when you have to turn in a comic strip 2 weeks early?
(courtesy weather.com)
And from today's www.weather.gov alerts page:
URGENT - WINTER WEATHER MESSAGE
NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE ALBUQUERQUE NM
426 AM MST SAT JAN 20 2007
...WINTRY WEATHER TO CONTINUE OVER NORTHERN AND CENTRAL NEW MEXICO
TODAY...
...ANOTHER STORM SYSTEM HEADED FOR NORTHERN AND CENTRAL NEW MEXICO
SUNDAY AND SUNDAY NIGHT...
.PERIODS OF SNOW WILL CONTINUE OVER NORTHERN AND CENTRAL NEW
MEXICO THIS MORNING BEFORE TAPERING OFF FROM SOUTHWEST TO
NORTHEAST ACROSS THE STATE THIS AFTERNOON AND EVENING. AS THE DAY
PROGRESSES...WINDS WILL SHIFT TO THE WEST AND BECOME GUSTY...WHICH
COULD CREATE AREAS OF BLOWING AND DRIFTING SNOW MAINLY ALONG AND
NEAR THE CENTRAL MOUNTAIN CHAIN AND OVER THE EASTERN PLAINS.
AFTER A BRIEF BREAK TONIGHT...ANOTHER STORM SYSTEM WILL AFFECT NORTHERN
AND CENTRAL NEW MEXICO SUNDAY AND SUNDAY NIGHT. ADDITIONAL SNOW
ACCUMULATIONS ARE POSSIBLE WITH THIS SYSTEM.
ANYONE TRAVELING ACROSS NEW MEXICO THIS WEEKEND SHOULD BE PREPARED
FOR SNOW COVERED ROADWAYS AND DANGEROUS DRIVING CONDITIONS. CHECK
YOUR FAVORITE MEDIA SOURCE OR NOAA WEATHER RADIO FOR THE LATEST
UPDATES CONCERNING THIS WINTER STORM.
It's too bad we don't know where in the Southwest Prickly City is located, but I'm pretty sure it's somewhere in New Mexico. Somewhere where it's going to snow today. Oops. Sorry Stantis. Maybe if you had an original joke about subsidies it would have worked. Sucks to be you.
January 19, 2007
Just End the Strip Already
Winslow flies. Hurrah.
Roll credits.
Posted by CJo at 07:47 AM | Comments (1)January 18, 2007
Mac The Knife
I can almost see it. It's as if I were wearing Future Goggles© or had been sipping thimbles filled with absinthe. Talking points, poking & prodding, told by an idiot, full of sound and fury and signifying nothing.
Within the next two weeks, we shall see the appearance of: Osama/Obama; Obama/Hussein; Obama/Osama/Hussein; and/or Obama/Osama/Hussein/Saddam/Rama/Lama/Ding/Dong. Longshot odds: Jomama.
I invite y'all to put forth your best guesses on when and how the Prickly City will bring forth the utterly simpleminded "punchline" and, as a bonus, who the mouthpiece will be. For what it's worth, we're long overdue for the introduction of another character that promises to set up shop in the Prickly City and disappears after a few appearances never to be heard from again. Perhaps we'll see an audacious character named Hope or find out that Carmen's father was Kenyan and died when she was 4 and she's had to live with her white mother. What do ya say?
Posted by Sacki at 12:03 AM | Comments (2)January 17, 2007
Have You Heard About the Lonesome Loser?
How does it feel, Scott Stantis? To be on your own? With no direction home? Like a complete unknown? Like a rolling little river band.
Deal or no deal with it, brother. Or just go away and sulk. Or fantasize about binding and gagging little girls.
The bottom line is: you are a lonesome loser these days, abandoned by the party you spent bottles of ink trying to prop up, shut out by the party you spent bottles of ink trying to destroy. It's just you and Toby and the 5 minutes you spend together every other month doing a podcast.
I'll give you this much, though. You're a loser but you keep on tryin'
Posted by CJo at 10:20 AM | Comments (1)January 16, 2007
I Thought the Duct Tape Was Supposed To Protect Us From Terrorist Attacks
Hey look - Winslow must have found the duct tape that the Republicans have been using on Democrats the past four years and has finally shut up that whiny little bitch Carmen. Good. I was already sick and tired of her and the rest of the Stantis Republicans complaining that the Democrats *might* exclude them now that they're in charge of the Congress.
That's right - the Dems have only been in charge a week, yet Republicans like Stantis are already running around crying that they're being excluded. It's like me bitching about the Bears losing the Super Bowl - um, it hasn't happened yet. It probably will, but why don't you wait until it actually occurs before being a little wuss about it, eh Stantis?
Whenever Republicans talk about bipartisanship I'm reminded of President Bush's attitude towards working with the Democrats right before the November 2006 elections:
Ah yes, that's right - if you vote for the Democrats, the "terrorists win and America loses." Can't you just smell the bipartisanship?
This must be really hard for Stantis though. Wasn't it just before the elections that he was saying the guys in charge weren't REALLY Republicans, they were Republicrats? Or as he mentioned in his blog, RINOs (Republicans In Name Only)? Mind you this was the same time he was encouraging his fellow Americans to vote for Republican child stalker Mark Foley. But Stantis was making it out as though he was a man without a party. Now he's going to whine that those same Republicans (that he probably voted for anyway) aren't going to have a voice in the new Congress? You'd think he'd be happy they couldn't do any more damage to the country.
But nope - it's yet another flip flop for Stantis. Like every other Republican: when we're in charge, bipartisanship = bad. When we're the minority party, bipartisanship = good. There's a word for people like that....lemme think...is it, hypocrite?
Well Stantis, you lost - suck on it. When we want your conservative advice, we'll ask for it. Until then go whine on Fox News about how it isn't fair or shut the hell up. America's had enough of one party rule, and now it's time for people who care about more than profit margins and tax cuts to do some good for people who don't make millions every year.
Sucks to be you, don't it Stantis?
January 15, 2007
What More in the Name of Love?
Seeing as how it's a national holiday, I won't harp too much on the fact today's strip written by the white Stantis threatens to hog-tie the African-American (and/or Hispanic) girl on MLK Day.
Neither will I spend too much time on the other interpretation: Stantis has S&M fantasies about little girls.
I will simply bid you all, "good day."
Posted by CJo at 08:27 AM | Comments (1)January 14, 2007
Laziness Is...Scott Stantis
Aww, rest your heads little ones. Seems as though Carmen and Winslow (and Stantis) have had an exhausting week. They're napping, but Carmen needs a reason to justify not doing anything - so Winslow offers up a handy quote from Samuel Johnson. Yup, the best way for Stantis to come up with a terrific storyline for next week is to lazy it up today.
Hmm, so what exactly were Carmen and Winslow doing all week that would tucker them out so much? Let's take a look back:
Monday: Carmen and Winslow sit on a rock.
Tuesday: Carmen and Winslow stand there.
Wednesday: Carmen and Winslow walk in the desert.
Thursday: Carmen and Winslow stand there.
Friday: Carmen and Winslow stand there.
Saturday: Carmen and Winslow jog in the desert.
Whew, I'm worn out just watching them! It must a be a HUGE strain on Stantis's mental capacity to come up with so many diverse things for his characters to do every day. And yikes, last week Carmen went to a store! I think that's the first time she's been out of the shelter or the desert in months.
Remember when Carmen went to Washington DC? Or heck, when reporters came to the desert to report on the "land shark?" Remember when things actually HAPPENED in Prickly City? Instead it's become a daily stand up show, without any actual jokes.
My advice to Stantis: you don't have to waste a Sunday justifying why you're so lazy. Just quit. That's the laziest thing you could do, and it would really improve things around Prickly City.
January 13, 2007
He's No Lionel Hutz
Hutz: And so, ladies and gentleman of the jury I rest my case.
Judge: Hmmm. Mr. Hutz, do you know that you're not wearing any pants?
Hutz: DAAAA!! I move for a bad court thingy.
Judge: You mean a mistrial?
Hutz: Right!! That's why you're the judge and I'm the law-talking guy.
Judge: You mean the lawyer?
Hutz: Right.
John Edwards is running for president again in 2008, so you know what that means around Prickly City - more trial lawyer jokes! Marvel as Winslow (that's right, Winslow) calls him an ambulance chaser! Woo hoo, Carmen's referencing Johnnie Cochran! You little minx you! Ah yes, nothing but good times when Stantis can poke fun at those eeeeevil trial lawyers.
Of course this means I once again have to go back and talk about the case that made Edwards famous. A little girl was playing in a community wading pool when a faulty drain caused half of her large intestine and 80% of her small intestine to be sucked out through her anus. Sure that's horrible, but what made the case so famous - and the judgment for her family so large - was because the company who made the faulty drain had a DOZEN similar cases happen before this, but they continued to sell the bad equipment. Oh, and it was the same day lawmakers in her state lowered the safety requirements for community swimming pools.
Her family received $25 million in the judgment (that's right - it wasn't settled out of court - the COURTS decided her family deserved that much). Of course the girl will probably spend the rest of her life needing medical treatment, and with healthcare costs being the way they are it's a wonder if $25 mil will be enough.
But don't you see, John Edwards and this little bitch are greedy! That's how the Republicans view it. How dare they question the powerlords known as our corporate masters? This little trollop should have been glad the corporations even made that pool for her - she was enjoying the nice, cool water of that pool (before her insides got sucked out), right? Ingrate. And now somehow it's the COMPANY'S fault that her life will forever be changed? Man, writing this out I can see why conservatives like Stantis despise trial lawyers.
I'm sure if, heaven forbid, one of Stantis's children had most of her intestines sucked out of her anus he'd be more than happy to settle out of court for a ham sandwich and a free wading pool for his own house. Ya see, cuz he's not greedy like the rest of us joe schmoes.
You know what we need as our next president? An oil executive. There's a corporate powerlord we can trust! Not like these greedy trial lawyers. I mean it's not like a guy who failed a few times at running oil companies would be so greedy as to invade another country for their oil, right? Right?
Posted by The Furnace at 11:38 AM | Comments (1)January 12, 2007
Miss Trollop
Even though the Miss USA "scandal" was waaaaaaaaaay back in 2006, Stantis feels the need to bring it up again here in the new year. Granted, this time he got lucky in that Donald Trump's name is still flitting about in the atmosphere due to something or other with Rosie O'Donnell...a feud, apparently, about which I know neither the genesis nor the substance.
So he got lucky. Good for him. How does the old saying go? Even a blind, ignorant squirrel can find his nuts if he digs around in his pants long enough?
Speaking of, I'm glad that he let us in on his little wank-off secret. Now that he has internet access, he no longer needs to use VCR+ to set ye olde VHS machine to tape the Miss USA pageant so he can watch young women in bathing suits parade around in slo-mo. All he's gotta do is dial-up the modem to AOL and search for keyword Swimsuit. Exercise that shoulder, buddy!
By the way, did you know there's a War on Childhood in America. Our children can't even pick up the funny pages without reading about the masturbatory fantasies of a middle-aged man. Is that all women in swimsuits are for? "Is THAT the self-image we want to foist on our little girls?!!"
Posted by CJo at 08:20 AM | Comments (3)January 11, 2007
Faiku #8: With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility
What Stan Lee once said
Rendered unpoetic
By a lesser scribe.
January 10, 2007
The Zingies
Introducing the winner of Third Annual Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel ZANG Award for the most-cutting, most-so-funny-because-it's-true, most ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ing-est zinger of the year...
Scott Stantis for: "Is it just me or is it weird to use the words 'organized' and 'Democrats' in the same sentence?"
ZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Take THAT, Pelosi and Reid, with your stacks of files cluttering your desks; boxes full of old, uncompleted legislation; other Democrats strewn about, neither ranked nor filed; desk drawers with nib-less pens, dried-out highlighters, odd-sized binder clips, and broken staples; and a framed poster that says, One of These Days I Gotta Get Myself Organizized.
Boy-oh-boy, Stantis is BACK, baby! Go git 'em, Stantis! Show 'em how Conservatives organize things! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Posted by CJo at 08:49 AM | Comments (0)January 09, 2007
This Is No Time For Joking! We're In Prickly City!
The Gang's All Here: Rumsfeld, Ford, and Cheney (1975)
Carmen is all sensitive and serious today as the Gerald R. Ford tribute continues. But leave it up to the callous, insensitive liberal Winslow to mess things up with a cruel joke about Republicans. Yes Winslow, haven't you learned anything about respect for the dead from your creator Scott Stantis? You're only allowed to make cruel jokes about the dead and dying if they're the husbands of Supreme Court justices or Terri Schiavo.
It's great to see Stantis paying tribute to one of his Republican idols. I know it must be hard to him after devoting so much of Prickly City to the words and wisdom of Gerry Ford over the years, constantly referring to him as the ideal Republican and the person that conservatives should model themselves after in light of what Bush has done to the country.
Oh, wait - you mean Stantis has NEVER mentioned Gerald Ford in Prickly City before? You mean this whole earnest salute to the man that pardoned Nixon is a shameful exploitation of his death so Carmen can be all serious and Winslow the clown? Say it ain't so!
I love the line "Give it a rest, Winslow." As if it's the liberal in Prickly City who's constantly ridiculing the Republicans. The only time Stantis gives Winslow the joke is when it's about a deceased President. Nice job, Stantis.
So do you think next week Stantis will bring up that Ford opposed Bush's invasion of Iraq and the escalation of the war Bush is going to announce tomorrow night? Will Stantis pay heed to the guidance of the good and decent man that Carmen apparently thinks, like the rest of the media, was the Greatest President in the History of the World because he gave Nixon a free pass for doing half the stuff Bush is accused of doing? Doubtful. By then he'll be talking about Saddam's death and letting Carmen get all of the punchlines. Because that's how Stantis rolls.
January 08, 2007
Furnace on Fire
Three cheers for The Furnace, who, unless he got today's Chicago Sun-Times yesterday like a young Kyle Chandler before he became a football coach (and the Sun-Times actually carried "Prickly City" [which it doesn't]), accurately called today's strip:
"Odds are next week Stantis will reminisce about the Greatest President In The History Of the World, Gerald R. Ford. Carmen will spew on about how Ford helped to 'heal the nation.'"
-The Furnace, 1/7/07
It doesn't get much better than that, folks. Our very own The Furnace, everybody...big round of applause.
Beyond that, today's strip is really actually very funny. Stantis has worked as hard as possible to help DIVIDE our country and now he's wondering who will heal us.
If he's really so concerned about healing the deep divide, I suggest he think about retiring TODAY. If he stops, we'll stop. And that's one less divide to heal.
That ball's in your court, Scotty.
January 07, 2007
Gonna Fly Now
Oh gee, Winslow is trying to fly again. So let's look back at the week: the usual New Year's reference, Carmen's Republicans will make a comeback, Stantis dismisses what was supposed to be a long story arc about "liberals" taking over Prickly City, THREE strips about slutty dolls, and Winslow trying to fly. If Stantis's resolution was "try harder," he didn't even last as long as Winslow.
I'd slap on the Future Goggles, but it's pretty pointless nowadays. Next week will probably follow the same pattern: a couple political strips to justify Prickly City's place in the comics as the "conservative" strip (Rumsfeld resigning, the Decider not deciding what to do in Iraq), some bitching and moaning about some "moral" issue (fat kids, technology, teens in thongs), and Winslow failing to fly again.
I understand there's only so much you can do with a comic strip, but for pete's sake - this is all Stantis can muster after two weeks off and Christmas break? The guy coasted for a month and we get Winslow in a paper airplane?
Odds are next week Stantis will reminisce about the Greatest President In The History Of the World, Gerald R. Ford. Carmen will spew on about how Ford helped to "heal the nation." Winslow will act all reverent and say Ford was the one Republican he truly admired (he just wants to bang Conde - no real admiration there). Then Stantis will make some cheap, tasteless joke about the Betty Ford Clinic.
That'll be followed up by a lame James Brown strip. Maybe a last-minute reference to Saddam being found guilty, and then the following week Carmen and Winslow will stand around talking about the hanging of Saddam and how the desert weasels are nearly defeated. Winslow will then make his own hot air balloon which will blow up like the Hindenburg. Somewhere in there we'll hear about Britney being a bad parent. Blah blah blah.
I hope Stantis proves me wrong. Spend a week talking about the debacle in Iraq and how only Bush, St. McCain, and Lieberman are calling for more troops. Take the time to talk about what compromises the Republicans are willing to make now that they're the minority party in the Congress. Heck, have Winslow announce he's running for President in 2008 because he doesn't want to feel left out - and then let him campaign on and off for the next few months. Do something different. Please, I'm begging you.
You already lost the third biggest market in the country, Stantis. Do you think it's because of your politics, or your lack of effort? Ponder that the next time you're doodling Carmen as she stands there bitching about something that wasn't relevant two weeks ago.
January 06, 2007
So THAT'S Why They're So Corrupt - It's Because Of The Dolls Republicans Play With
Hey everybody look - it's the strip Stantis should have run on Thursday so the last few days would have made sense. Carmen and Winslow are apparently at the toy store (not the book store as most of us thought on Thursday) and are standing in front of a wall of dolls that look like "mini-minxes." How freakin' old is Stantis, anyway? The only people I know who use words like "minx" and "trollop" were born 80 years ago.
The dolls in question appear to be the popular Bratz - so popular that they actually became the number one mini-dolls back in 2004. Back when their MOVIE came out. Ahh, that's our old Scott Stantis - always Mr. Topical. Next week: are Garbage Pail Kids ruining America?!?
The other doll on the shelf appears to be the "Dream Dancer," and for the life of me I can't find anything of the sort online. What, was Stantis afraid to put Barbie up there? She's only been popular since the 60s.
So yeah, we're already back to Stantis whining about popular culture corrupting our young women. First women were allowed out of the kitchen, then they showed their ankles on the beach, then they could vote, then Barbie came out with measurements of about 38-14-34, then Hot Pants were all the rage, and now we get Bratz dolls. What's next, a comic strip artist who hides behind a young minority girl to spew his radical right political beliefs?
I just love how so many Conservative Republicans preach about "personal responsibility," but everything bad is always someone else's fault. "It's not my fault my daughter is corrupted by the dolls I buy her." "It's not my fault my son is corrupted by the TV shows I let him watch." Maybe you're right Stantis - maybe all of our girls are being turned into tramps because of some dolls wearing sexy clothing. Instead, we should cover them from head to toe so they'll never be tempted by the sins of the flesh. They might look a little something like this:
You keep up this little war of yours Stantis. The supposed war against our youth. Maybe you can have the world you want - where YOU get to decide what our kids play with and what they watch on TV and who they talk to on their cell phones. But excuse me if I don't want to live in your "fantasy" world. I'll take my chances here in the good ol' U.S. of A., where I have the right to choose what I want corrupting me.
January 05, 2007
Bile-Spewing Barbie
I'm not sure who is more confused: me or Stantis.
Me first. YESTERDAY, I could have sworn Carmen was incensed about a BOOK. It looked like a book to me. I thought it was "My First Trollope" -- a intro to the works of Anthony Trollope. Though Sacki's post yesterday wasn't able to guide me to a better understanding, there were some helpful comments in the comment section that lead me to drop the "e" and move on the right path to slut, whore, harlot, and tart. But still, I thought it was a book.
Until today when it is revealed to be a "My First Trollop" DOLL, which Carmen is returning to a store. Which brings us to the Scott's confusion.
I wonder what "War on Childhood" Stantis is referring to. Is it the one in which an 8-year-old girl is used as a political pawn in his game of "Pin the Blame on the Democrats"? Or the one in which girls are taught to appreciate what Ann Coulter had done for women? Or maybe it's the one in which a child "exercises her right" to punch her friend in the face?
"Could I just get my childhood back?" an exasperated Carmen pleads. And one wonders if that's a rhetorical question or if she's posing it directly to Stantis.
Posted by CJo at 09:39 AM | Comments (4)January 04, 2007
Aka Tempest In A Teapot
What a glorious year so far here at Shrubville HQ. While CJo was still wiping the hangover out of his eyes on New Year's Day, he got word from the ever-vigilant FredN. that the Chicago Tribune had given "Prickly City" the heave-ho.
Now, CJo started Shrubville back in September of '04 primarily because of the Tribune running "Prickly City." For his entire life he'd been a Tribune comics reader and never before had a strip so sickened (yet fascinated) him or made him so angry (yet happy) as Prickly City did. (Well, except for Stantis' other comic strip which the Tribune used to carry.) Unofficially he always thought Shrubville would be temporary, active until the Tribune discontinued "Prickly City," which he knew was inevitable as even the right-leaning, moving at dinosaur-speed Tribune wouldn't keep such crap around for too long.
But along the way something funny happened. He moved to another part of the country. A place where the people are arrogant assholes, the baseball team rhymes with "Bled Cocks" and the newspaper -- which, by the way, rhymes with "Rotten Chode" -- ALSO carried "Prickly City" (AND "Mallard Fillmore" for that matter). So while the cancellation of PC in the Trib brings him joy, the joy is somewhat muted by the fact he's still punching his Corn Flakes box on a daily basis there in the Land of Puritanical Inanity, where homosexuals can marry but you can't buy a six-pack of beer at a grocery store and until 1994 you couldn't get a haircut on a Sunday.
Nevertheless, he's also saddened by the simultaneous loss of "Candorville," which was described as expertly-drawn, with well-defined characters, smart and cutting, and, most-of-all, it has a sense of humor (i.e., it is the anti-Prickly City).
I don't know what all this has to do with me, because I was never a fan of the Tribune's comic section, or any other paper's comic section for that matter. I don't believe I've ever read Candorville, but I reckon if Candorville was any good they wouldn't have dumped it.
Frankly, Mr. Shankly, a good comic doesn't need newspaper publication and/or syndication in this day and age. Pulp is quaint. Achewood doesn't need to destroy our valuable natural resources to put out consistently high quality entertainment, nor does Medium Large. By using pixels to publish their works, they even eliminate the Number One complaint levied here at Shrubville against the Prickly City comic strip: its lack of timeliness.
Oh yeah, that reminds me of today's strip: I can vaguely recall from a month ago a tampax in a teabag out of New York about questionable reading materials for youths. I reckon he's saving the storylines about the Katherine Harris of the West or Nine-fingered Tom DeLay for another day. If Prickly City lasts that long.
Posted by Sacki at 12:01 AM | Comments (4)January 03, 2007
Another One Bites the Dust
What a glorious year so far here at Shrubville HQ. While I was still wiping the hangover out of my eyes on New Year's Day, we got word from the ever-vigilant FredN. that the Chicago Tribune had given "Prickly City" the heave-ho.
Now, I started Shrubville back in September of '04 primarily because of the Tribune running "Prickly City." For my entire life I'd been a Tribune comics reader and never before had a strip so sickened (yet fascinated) me or made me so angry (yet happy) as Prickly City did. (Well, except for Stantis' other comic strip which the Tribune used to carry.) Unofficially I always thought Shrubville would be temporary, active until the Tribune discontinued "Prickly City," which I knew was inevitable as even the right-leaning, moving at dinosaur-speed Tribune wouldn't keep such crap around for too long.
But along the way something funny happened. I moved to another part of the country. A place where the people are arrogant assholes, the baseball team rhymes with "Bled Cocks" and the newspaper -- which, by the way, rhymes with "Rotten Chode" -- ALSO carried "Prickly City" (AND "Mallard Fillmore" for that matter). So while the cancellation of PC in the Trib brings me joy, the joy is somewhat muted by the fact I'm still punching my Corn Flakes box on a daily basis here in the Land of Puritanical Inanity, where homosexuals can marry but you can't buy a six-pack of beer at a grocery store and until 1994 you couldn't get a haircut on a Sunday.
So as long as "Prickly City" appears in a newspaper that is delivered to my house on a daily basis, Shrubville will go on and on and on and on.
But back to the Chicago Tribune...as posted by FredN., the Tribune's announcement regarding the cancellation was as follows:
Effective this week, Bill Amend, creator of "FoxTrot," is cutting back on his production schedule, and will produce the comic strip on Sundays only. In its stead, Mondays through Saturdays, we offer "Lio," by Mark Tatulli, about a curious boy with a bizarre imagination. ("FoxTrot" will continue to run in the Tribune's Sunday Comics section.) We are also introducing two new strips to our everyday lineup: "Raising Hector," by Peter Ramirez, about a police officer who retires from the force to be a stay-at-home dad, and "Ink Pen," by Phil Dunlap, about an employment agency for out-of-work cartoon characters. To make room, we are discontinuing the strips "Candorville" and "Prickly City."
How hilarious is it that to fill the three empty slots, the Tribune chose TWO of the strips penned by Stantis' guest artists (Tatulli and Dunlap) of a few weeks back. That's gotta hurt Stantis right THERE [points to shoulder].
Of course, the sad note to all this is the Tribune's decision to discontinue "Candorville," which was one of the better strips they ran. To me, this smacks of the Tribune editors wanting desperately to cancel "Prickly City" but feared a conservative backlash, so as a pre-emptive conciliatory gesture they also dropped the perceived "liberal" strip. It certainly wasn't for lack of quality, as "Candorville" is expertly-drawn, has well-defined characters, is smart and cutting, and, most-of-all, it has a sense of humor (i.e., it is the anti-Prickly City).
So for the good of the Comics, if you have a spare minute, write a letter to the editor of the Chicago Tribune and ask for "Candorville" back.
Which brings us to today's Prickly City: no surprise: it sucks.
Posted by CJo at 10:20 AM | Comments (6)January 02, 2007
Don't Call It A Comeback
Well that didn't last long. Stantis's brief run of halfway decent strips comes to a crashing halt today with the Worst. Comeback. Ever.
Carmen does her best Rocky impression (or maybe that's just what I thought she should be doing - odds are Stantis just, once again, has her running through the desert instead of doing anything meaningful). Of course like all Republicans she wants to leave the past behind and move forward - no need for any silly investigations into everything the Republicans have been doing for the past four years. No no no. We must move forward! For the good of the nation, so we can start the healing, as the late President Ford would say (did you know he was America's Greatest President? I didn't either until CNN, MSNBC, and the rest told me so).
Winslow tells her to keep wishing, and then refers to her as "G.O.P.- Gal." I like that. Hang over her head that's she's been Bush's biggest cheerleader. I much approve.
But then we get Carmen's comeback: "Dang straight, Lib-cur!"
All together now: huh?
Like I said: Worst. Comeback. Ever.
I understand that Winslow is a coyote, but "lib-coyote" isn't funny. But calling him a mongrel dog? Heck, I admit it: I had to look up exactly what a "cur" was. I knew it was some kind of mangy mutt, and the good people at Webster's confirmed that it's a mongrel dog. I can see Stantis hesitating to call Winslow "Lib-boy" since Winslow isn't human, but a dog? He's not a dog either, jackass.
Oh, wait, I just looked up "cur" on dictionary.com. Check this out:
CUR
–noun
1. a mongrel dog, esp. a worthless or unfriendly one.
2. a mean, cowardly person.
Now the big question: was Stantis calling Winslow a mongrel dog, or a mean, cowardly person? I'm guessing he only knew the first definition, but it just happens to be an insult to liberals everywhere too. Nice job, Stantis. You can call names with the best of them, tough guy.
Doesn't Stantis run these strips by anybody before he sends them off? Couldn't he run this by a co-worker and ask if it's funny or if it makes sense? Is there anybody out there who thinks "Dang straight, Lib-cur!" is humorous in any way, shape or form? Unfortunately there's only person person who apparently matters: Scott Stantis. Why, I have no idea. And now we're finding out, via yesterday's comments, that if any editors decide to scrap Prickly City they're going to trash a left-leaning comic strip along with it. So there's the Catch-22 for all of us demanding Stantis pull the plug - he's going to take someone who's actually funny down with him. And knowing Stantis, he probably thinks that's hysterical.
January 01, 2007
Happy New Year
"...And yet a lot like the last one..." indeed.
It's going to be a long year reading you, Scott.
Posted by CJo at 09:11 AM | Comments (7)
picture courtesy of JB
