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January 13, 2007

He's No Lionel Hutz

Hutz: And so, ladies and gentleman of the jury I rest my case.
Judge: Hmmm. Mr. Hutz, do you know that you're not wearing any pants?
Hutz: DAAAA!! I move for a bad court thingy.
Judge: You mean a mistrial?
Hutz: Right!! That's why you're the judge and I'm the law-talking guy.
Judge: You mean the lawyer?
Hutz: Right.

TODAY'S STRIP

John Edwards is running for president again in 2008, so you know what that means around Prickly City - more trial lawyer jokes! Marvel as Winslow (that's right, Winslow) calls him an ambulance chaser! Woo hoo, Carmen's referencing Johnnie Cochran! You little minx you! Ah yes, nothing but good times when Stantis can poke fun at those eeeeevil trial lawyers.

Of course this means I once again have to go back and talk about the case that made Edwards famous. A little girl was playing in a community wading pool when a faulty drain caused half of her large intestine and 80% of her small intestine to be sucked out through her anus. Sure that's horrible, but what made the case so famous - and the judgment for her family so large - was because the company who made the faulty drain had a DOZEN similar cases happen before this, but they continued to sell the bad equipment. Oh, and it was the same day lawmakers in her state lowered the safety requirements for community swimming pools.

Her family received $25 million in the judgment (that's right - it wasn't settled out of court - the COURTS decided her family deserved that much). Of course the girl will probably spend the rest of her life needing medical treatment, and with healthcare costs being the way they are it's a wonder if $25 mil will be enough.

But don't you see, John Edwards and this little bitch are greedy! That's how the Republicans view it. How dare they question the powerlords known as our corporate masters? This little trollop should have been glad the corporations even made that pool for her - she was enjoying the nice, cool water of that pool (before her insides got sucked out), right? Ingrate. And now somehow it's the COMPANY'S fault that her life will forever be changed? Man, writing this out I can see why conservatives like Stantis despise trial lawyers.

I'm sure if, heaven forbid, one of Stantis's children had most of her intestines sucked out of her anus he'd be more than happy to settle out of court for a ham sandwich and a free wading pool for his own house. Ya see, cuz he's not greedy like the rest of us joe schmoes.

You know what we need as our next president? An oil executive. There's a corporate powerlord we can trust! Not like these greedy trial lawyers. I mean it's not like a guy who failed a few times at running oil companies would be so greedy as to invade another country for their oil, right? Right?

Comments

Posted by: The Furnace at January 14, 2007 11:08 AM