« Meet The New Boss, Same As The Old Boss | Main | Buckethead »
December 17, 2006
Future Goggles: The Stantis-less Edition
Is this a repeat? It feels like a repeat. Following in the footsteps of last week's "desert snow angels" we get Winslow trying to "desert snowboard." Hey, maybe next Sunday he'll start a snowball fight with Carmen and knock her silly with a rock. No, that would be wrong - can't have any violence against women at Prickly City. Unless it's Nancy Pelosi - then have at it.
So with various "liberal" comic strip artists taking over for Stantis, will they follow the Matt Davies formula and use it as an opportunity to bash liberals? Or will they use their platform to point out the hypocrisy of Stantis and the Republicans and show that Carmen isn't as smart as she thinks she is? Or maybe they'll make some last minute substitutions and hand things over to some more traditional conservatives. Let's take a look at what news stories were making the round two weeks ago as we slap on the Future Goggles:
- The Iraq Study Group's report that Iraq was bad and getting worse was still making headlines. Bush finally decided to accept the report and give it the once over. Of course since then we know the Decider has decided that he'll decide what to do in Iraq sometime next year. He'll probably tell us what he decided at the State of the Union. As any good marketer will tell you, you don't roll out your new product around the holidays! Don't want to depress the folks at home. I mean yeesh, it's not like it's chaos or a civil war over there, right? Right? Maybe Winslow can ask Carmen if she read it and she says she's waiting for it to be Oprah's choice for her Book of the Month Club.
- In "How the heck does this guy have a show on TV?" news, Glenn Beck continued his blatant racism against Muslims and hinted that he wants them thrown into concentration camps. Charming. This is the same yahoo that asked the first Muslim Congressman if he was with us or against us and to prove he wasn't a terrorist. Maybe Winslow can demand that Carmen admit what her nationality is and threaten to throw her behind razor wire because she looks like she's al Qaeda because Glenn Beck told him to. Hysterical!
- Turns out there aren't 25,000 contractors working in Iraq on the taxpayers' dime like the Pentagon said - it's more like 100,000. Hmm...140,000 servicemen and women making less than thirty grand a year having to spend half their time protecting a bunch of Halliburton and Blackwater thieves charging six figures to half-ass their jobs. Maybe Carmen can say she's headed to Iraq to make some cash while Winslow gets drafted to protect her.
- President Bush showed just how big a prick he is in an exchange with Senator-elect Jim Webb. Webb avoided Bush at a dinner because he didn't want a confrontation, but Bush sought him out and asked him "How's your boy?" Well Webb's son, who's serving in Iraq, was recently involved in an attack on his unit that led to the deaths of his comrades. When Webb responded that he wanted to bring them home, Bush shot back "That's not what I asked you." Asshole. To make things worse, Bush knew that Webb's son was nearly killed. Not exactly ripe for comedy, but that's never stopped Prickly City before.
- This was one of my favorite stories: turns out the guy who sent a bunch of left-leaning folks like Jon Stewart and Keith Olbermann letters filled with white powder to make them think it was anthrax turned out to be a huge right-wing fanatic. He donated money to Katherine Harris and is big into Michelle Malkin. But amazingly enough the story was pretty much buried by the media. Can you imagine how much play it would have gotten if it was a liberal sending terrorist threats to Rush Limbaugh and Bill O'Reilly? That could be fertile ground for a liberal comic strip artist - Winslow and Carmen could both send each other letters filled with white powder, but only Winslow is sent to G'itmo. Comedy ensues.
- In the saddest story of the month, we got a glimpse into the hell that is Jose Padilla's life. He's the accused dirty bomber that's never been charged with actually being a dirty bomber. But unfortunately in this day and age simply being accused of being a terrorist means you ARE a terrorist. This led to Ann Althouse justifying Padilla being shackled and forced to wear blacked-out goggles because he might be trying to send signals to other accused terrorists by blinking. No, that's not a joke. Now, is there a liberal comic strip artist daring enough to slap those goggles on Carmen? (Please note: I'm not saying Padilla is completely innocent. I'm just saying it's wrong to toss a guy into a cell for nearly four years without charges and torture him day in and day out to the point where he's driven mad.)
- And how can we forget that Mr. Basketful of Puppies himself John Bolton resigned? This time instead of Winslow applying for the job maybe Carmen can grow a bushy mustache and become all surly. Maybe they can both go for the job so they both grow staches. That might actually be cute.
So there you have it - fertile ground for any kind of comic strip artist that works on Prickly City this week. Will we get more of the "liberal" Winslow that's nothing more than a bunch of lame stereotypes? Or will Carmen finally be the butt of some jokes?
Eh, it's the week before X-mas and unlike Stantis most of these guys probably looked ahead two weeks on their calendar. So expect a week of "the War on Christmas." Bah humbug.
