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December 08, 2006
The Late Greats
It always amuses me to see Republicans evoke the name Abraham Lincoln. I mean, sure, he was the first President elected under the mantel of "Republican," but let's be real: Lincoln wasn't your daddy's Republican. Or your grandmother's. Or your great, great Aunt's fat friend Frieda's.
The Republican Party has changed over the years.
Of course, subscribing to the notion that things develop over time would be a tacit admission of evolution. And we know how well that goes over with the GOPSFDWCMAFRWBBC (Grand Old Party of Songs of Faith and Devotion Who Carry Miniature American Flags as a Red White and Blue Badge of Courage).
In fact, one might even argue that Honest Abe (Imagine! An honest Republican!) is a RINO (Republican in Name Only), or to put it in a term that Stantis claims he invented: a Republicrat.
But, hey, listen, this wreck of a party needs something to turn to. It sure as fuck ain't McCain or Guiliani or Brownback. So they turn to yesteryear and grab hold of what they can.
Let's make a deal, Scott. You can have Goldwater from beyond the grave. And you will get no argument from me about Reagan...Republican through and through, from cradle to grave and beyond.
But Lincoln? The world has his bones and everything he owned.
Anyway, I'm reminded of a column by the late great Land-of-Lincoln born-and-bred Mike Royko, written back in the day of Stantis's hero Ronald Reagan. Back when the GOP seemed ashamed of the Legacy of Lincoln.
And without further ado, breaking God-knows-what-copyright laws, I present to you...
GOP TRIES TO KEEP OLD LIBERAL IN CLOSET
By Mike RoykoCopyright Chicago Tribune Co. Oct 28, 1988
Slats Grobnik looked puzzled as he asked: "What ever happened to Abe Lincoln?"
Lincoln? He's still on Mt. Rushmore. Why do you ask?
"Well, has he kind of fallen into disgrace or something? You know, like in Russia, where they kick old leaders out of the history books and take down their statues."
Of course not. Honest Abe is revered, one of the two or three greatest presidents in our history.
"That's what I always thought. But something funny is going on."
Such as?
"Like this news story I just read where President Reagan makes a speech about what a great guy Harry Truman was."
I read that.
"And isn't he always talking about what a great guy Franklin Roosevelt was?"
Oh, he's very fond of FDR.
"And I read where Danny Quayle said something good about Truman. And so did Bush. And I think Bush said something nice about FDR, too."
Yes, they've spoken highly of them.
"Well, maybe I missed something, but I thought Truman and Roosevelt were Democrats."
Of course they were.
"Then how come all these Republicans keep dropping their names? Why don't they talk about Republican presidents?"
Now that you mention it, that is curious.
"I mean, I can see why they don't want to talk about Nixon, because he got kicked out of office. Or about Hoover, because he started the Great Depression. Or Coolidge, because most people don't know who the heck he was. But wasn't Abe Lincoln the father of their party?"
That he was.
"Then why don't they ever mention him?"
It's probably just an oversight.
"I don't think so. Nowadays, with all those sharpies who run campaigns, there's a reason for everything. And there's gotta be a reason why Honest Abe is getting the silent treatment."
I can't think of any.
"Come on, let's figure it out. Like Sherlock Holmes and Watson. Let's look for clues."
All right, what are the clues?
"Well, what was Lincoln most famous for?
He preserved the Union by winning the Civil War.
"Hah! Now we're getting somewhere?"
I don't understand.
"It's elementary, my stupid Watson. The Republicans want to win the South, don't they?"
Of course. It's essential to their battle plan.
"So what happens if Bush or Reagan or Quayle go down to Georgia to make a speech and they say: 'Remember, my fellow Americans, we are the Party of Lincoln?'
There might be a certain coolness.
"A coolness? Hey, the audience is going to jump up and yell: 'You damn Yankee carpetbagger, don't you know that Lincoln sent General Sherman through here and burned up my great-grandpa's house in Atlanta.' "
That's quite possible.
"You bet it is. You go down South and start talking about Lincoln and guys named Bubba are gonna grab their shotguns and set their hounds on you. You ever notice who they name streets and highways after down there?
Who?
"Not Lincoln or President Grant, I'll tell you that. Everywhere you go, it's Jefferson Davis Boulevard, Jefferson Davis Highway. He's still their guy."
You may have something.
"Okay, what else is Lincoln famous for?"
Everybody knows that. He freed the slaves.
"Right. So you think Reagan and Bush and Quayle want to remind white voters about that?"
But it was one of Lincoln's noblest achievements.
"Sure, but it's not something they want to mention in a 1988 campaign. If Bush gets up and says: 'My friends, we are the Party of Lincoln, the great man who freed the slaves,' you know what some white Southerner is gonna say, or some white guy in a bungalow in Chicago or Cleveland?"
What?
"They're gonna say: 'Oh, yeah? Than Lincoln's worse than Dukakis. Dukakis only let that Willie Horton out on furlough. Lincoln turned the whole mess of them loose and now they're moving into my neighborhood.' "
I suppose it's possible that some might react that way.
"Possible. Lemme tell ya, if the Republicans went around saying: 'Fellow Americans, vote for us because we are the Party of Lincoln, the man who won the Civil War and freed the slaves,' you know what would happen? Dukakis would get 70 percent of the vote. Even Lincoln's first name would hurt them."
His first name?
"Yeah, Abe. Some people would think he was Jewish, and they'd lose the anti-Semite vote."
An interesting analysis. I wonder what Lincoln would say if he came back to life today?
"I don't know what Lincoln would say, but I know what Reagan and Bush and Quayle would say."
What?
"They'd say: 'Look, another liberal.'
Comments
Don't forget he was a queer, also (aka: The Railsplitter).
Posted by: Sacki at December 8, 2006 10:33 AM
Thanks for the Royko column. I used to read him in the Trib every day growing up. Even read the collections of columns in book-form. He had a great voice in Slats Grobnik.
Posted by: FredN. at December 8, 2006 03:16 PM
