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December 31, 2006
Goodbye 2006, and Good Riddance
And you can go to hell too, Saddam.
In a bizarre, twisted way this is a perfect end to 2006 in Prickly City. The smug Carmen has to admit that the Republicans are losers, and thanks to losing a bet she made with Winslow she ends up playing Baby New Year at what I'm guessing is the Prickly City Year End Festival of Lights and Sound For Make Benefit of Glorious Nation of U.S. and A.
I don't think I'm alone in saying that Carmen is the CREEPIEST. BABY. EVER. What the heck is up with her Fred Flintstone feet? And the top hat that almost disappears in the ever-expanding part in her hair? At least Winslow is looking rather dapper.
Looking back at my entry on the eve of 2006, it seems as though the Future Goggles were pretty busted up because they didn't get anything right. Carmen and Winslow never ran for mayor. Stantis never went after guys like Delay and Frist, even though now he's claiming that he's not really a Republican. Winslow didn't run for any other political offices, which was a shame (and would have required more than one strip of Winslow standing in the desert saying "I'm going to run for the Senate!" which is something Stantis seems incapable of doing or too lazy to attempt). Fortunately we didn't invade Iran and/or Syria, but considering the war drums are getting pounded pretty loudly by the likes of Bill Kristol and Joe Lieberman I wouldn't be shocked to see it happen in 2007. In other words, I was 0-fer on my predictions. Mainly because Stantis was too busy bitching about technology and celebrities than producing actual political commentary in his political comic strip.
What does 2007 hold for Prickly City? I fear slapping on the Future Goggles again since they worked so poorly last year. But as Stantis would say, AHHHHHH what the hell, here goes nothing:
- Carmen becomes a vindictive bitch, blaming Winslow for EVERYTHING: the failures in Iraq, the failures in Afghanistan, the failures in North Korea, the failures in Northern Africa - like I said, everything. Of course the Dems haven't had any real power for four years, but that won't stop Carmen from blaming them for everything bad that's happened under Bush's watch.
- In response Winslow will agree and apologize, but not before he's made to look like a complete idiot. What, you were expecting Stantis to give him an actual backbone now that the Dems are in charge? Silly reader.
- The year will start off with a day-only strip talking about President Ford being the Greatest President Ever thanks to his "healing the nation" after Watergate by giving his friend a free pass on everything illegal he did. It'll be followed up by a day-only strip talking about Saddam being hanged. Then the next three days will be about Jessica Simpson flubbing that Dolly Parton song, Britney starting to wear panties again, and how Carmen got a new cell phone for X-mas and how bad technology is. In other words, it won't be any different than a typical week in 2006.
I know that isn't much, but this is Scott Stantis we're talking about here. He's firmly in "don't care" mode. Stantis spent most of 2006 slapping together last-minute strips without any real substance or commentary. Would it be too much to ask that Carmen and Winslow DO something other than run in the desert talking about stuff? At least at the beginning of the year Winslow went off to hang with a pack of coyotes and Stantis introduced his illegal immigrant replacement. But as the year went along Stantis simply stopped trying. He does seem somewhat friskier now that he's back from surgery and has actually made Carmen the butt of a few jokes, but will that continue on after the Dems are in charge of Congress? Doubtful. If I truly want to slap on the Future Goggles, here's what every Prickly City will look like in 2007:
Carmen and Winslow stand in the desert. Carmen says, "Hey did you hear about _____?" Winslow won't respond. Carmen will proceed to tell him about whatever "___" is. Winslow will make a lame joke, and Carmen will follow it up with a lamer joke. Then on Sundays we'll get one big colorful panel that might be a sight gag with a lame joke. Rinse and repeat. And repeat. And repeat. For 365 days.
And we here at the Ville of the Shrub will continue to make fun of it, hopefully with a little more variety and few more actual jokes. And hopefully without going completely insane.
Happy New Year everybody.
Posted by The Furnace at 09:57 AM | Comments (1)December 30, 2006
Right Said Scott
It's interesting watching the machinations of the mind of the typical Republican/Conservative/Bush Republican/Rightie in the wake of the November elections. Scott Stantis has been using his surgically-repaired right arm as a metaphor for their comeback, and it's pretty fascinating.
Today Carmen compares the Right's return like the phoenix rising from the ashes. She'll retrain the right to cut government spending, get rid of the pork, and stop being so gosh-darned corrupt. Winslow has a nice line about them just waiting for another Reagan and Carmen has a lame comeback about eating him. Hey, one outta two ain't bad, and it's downright amazing for Stantis.
What I love so much about this after-election regret on the part of the Righties is that these are the same folks that blindly supported Bush for the past six years without question. Sure Stantis mumbled about spending too much every once in a while, but did that stop him from fully endorsing Bush and his cronies? I didn't see him offering up any alternatives as the election approached.
There's been a bizarre transformation in the Republican party over the last six months or so, and I think guys like Stantis are just starting to accept it. Here's a brief summary of the Republican party:
- Large government, primarily under the guise of "Homeland Security"
- Huge spending, mainly to pay for tax cuts for the wealthy and tax breaks for corporations (not to mention a war based on lies)
- Pre-emptive invasion of countries based on political and financial ambition, not actual threats
- Allow lobbyists to write legislation
- Allow corporations to dictate policy
- Privatize everything
- Science schmience
- "Either you're with us or against us"
- Diplomacy schmiplomacy
You get the idea. I'm sure everyone could add a few more to the list. But that's where I've seen the Republican party drift under Bush. Some Republicans have held back, but the majority in power - and most of their supporters - have been along for the ride and more than happy to act as their cheerleaders. Like Scott Stantis.
I suppose I could sympathize more with Stantis if he had been complaining about these things all along. Other than a few lines about "spending like a drunken sailor" (which he would only do while also referencing Democrats), he didn't complain about oil companies getting tax breaks and writing the energy policy, or big pharma writing the Medicaid legislation, or Bob Ney and Tom Delay redefining political corruption. Heck, Stantis even endorsed Mark Foley because the Democrats are supposedly so eeeevil. Nothing says "family values" like "vote for the guy who stalks teenage boys."
So let's see if Scott Stantis can rehab the Righties. Maybe they can come up with a new name for their party for starters. Maybe they can be the "As The Wind Blows Party" since Stantis's political position shifts with whatever makes him looks best. I for one would be consider voting for a party that promised the following:
- No corruption
- Less government spending on things like bridges to nowhere and moving trains so they can build more gulf-front condos
- Less government spending on tax cuts for people who don't need them (oh, wait, you mean Stantis doesn't oppose that kind of government spending?)
I'm curious as to where Stantis's party stands on things like personal privacy. Does he still endorse illegally spying on Americans? How about invading other countries that aren't a threat to us? Will he still want to tell us who we can marry? Maybe they can be the neo-Republican party - less government interference in our lives, unless it's to tell us what our morals should be. Because they're the party of morality, dontcha know. Well, "Christian" morality, as taught by Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell and George W. Two Terms Mandate Bush.
Good luck with "rehabbing the right," Mr. Stantis. I do think it's possible. Heck, with the unfortunate passing of President Ford we've learned that he was America's greatest hero because he pardoned his friend Nixon for all of the crimes he committed (and tells us that he was Nixon's ONLY friend - but there was no quid pro quo). If Ford can go from being the worst president of the last 30 years to the best, I suppose anything can happen for the Republican party.
Posted by The Furnace at 09:20 AM | Comments (1)
December 29, 2006
A Guest Column by Boy George
Dear Scott Stantis:
Karma karma karma karma karma chameleon
Your comeuppance glows, your comeuppance glows
Love,
Boy George
Posted by CJo at 09:38 AM | Comments (1)December 28, 2006
Clubber Lang? I Hardly Know Her & Where's The Lang Located?
I see that last year at this time I was into full-on year in review mode, like every other lazy writer trying to not put too much effort into his short workweek, because frankly, nobody's paying attention to anything at this point and it all gets lost in the shuffle. Now, it can be said that I don't put too much effort into any of the other 52 weeks in the year, and I might grant you that point. Anyhow, if I were to do a year end top 10 Shrubville columns, it might look something like this:
1-9: Sacki
10(t): CJo/Furnace
That's #10 with a bullet.
Which is all to say, by way of today's Prickly City, that it appears that the time off to rejuvenate his spirit has reinvigorated our fair author's ability to pull off a fair to middling comic strip, and that perhaps, if I were to take a little break of a year or so, time to beat up a side of beef or go to Russia and chop some firewood, I could come back in 2008 (an election year!) and strive to capture that 10th spot in the year-end poll. It's a punch-drunk idea that just might work.
Posted by Sacki at 12:02 AM | Comments (4)December 27, 2006
On the 2nd Day of Kwanzaa...
This is funny and all and the long-awaited Comeuppance of Scott Stantis is sweet to behold, but, frankly, I was over the joy and the happiness and the gloating about a month ago. Not that I'm blaming him for milking both his injury and the election for all its worth. And goodness knows this is preferable to Vicodin-induced hallucinations of Floating Pelosi or early and unwarranted attacks on Obama, Clinton, and Edwards. But I guess I'm unimpressed. Which is absolutely nothing new.
Happy Kwanzaa, Scott.
Posted by CJo at 09:00 AM | Comments (2)December 26, 2006
It's Like He Never Left (Get It? Left? I Pulled a Stantis!)
Okay everybody, altogether now:
Awwwww, poor Scott Stantis.
Oops, I'm sorry, this is Prickly City. Let's try again:
Ahhhhh, poor Scott Stantis.
Yes, the chosen one is back - and apparently his right arm is in a sling. We know this because his proxy Carmen has a bum right wing as well. Which leads to an admittedly "heavy-handed" metaphor (lots of lame lines today) about how things were wrong when they weren't Right in Prickly City during Stantis's absence. Meh.
The problem is things weren't all that different when Stantis wasn't around. We had all of one good strip where Carmen admitted they did everything the right(wing) way and lost. The rest of the time we got Wil E. Coyote references and a stereotypical liberal Winslow with his Volvo and hemp jacket. Ha-ha? In fact for the most part I'd say other than the various ways the characters were drawn it wasn't all that much different from a typical two week run of PC. Heck, they even got in a slam on Nancy Pelosi. That's supposedly what happens when the left takes over? Color me confused.
I think today's strip is a good window into how Stantis's mind works. First off we always knew that Carmen is his stand-in, which is why she flips flops constantly - he's never wrong, so she's always right. But we also learned that in Stantis's mind, when he's not around the liberal media will take over his strip and put everybody on the welfare, offer abortions on demand, raise taxes, and punish his poor little Carmen. Of course none of that happened, but that hasn't stopped Carmen/Stantis from ACTING like it happened. Yeah, I know - it can hurt your brain after a while if you think about it too much.
So this week we're all supposed to feel sorry for poor Stantis - his arm is in a sling, you see, so don't judge him for the lazy azz strips he's about to turn in. And it's not his fault the last two weeks weren't "up to his standards" because he wasn't in charge. Things were wacky and crazy before X-mas, but now that he's back everything will return to normal. Because things were so unbelievably bizarre when he went to have his surgery.
Okay, maybe the whole manga thing was a bit weird - but didn't Stantis write that?
Like I said, if you think too much it'll make your brain hurt. Not so much like it's been hit by a ball-peen hammer - more like it's been exposed to several years of Tom "The Hammer" Delay. That's obviously been much more painful to our country than a few weeks of people not wanting to kick Stantis while he's down.
Even though he thinks that's what happened.
Ouch, my brain.
Posted by The Furnace at 09:35 AM | Comments (0)December 25, 2006
It's a Wonderful Rice
While Winslow and Carmen are wishing God to bless us all -- even us at Shrubville (right back at you, Scott!) -- holed-up in their hidey-holes lest the "Secular Police" haul them away, I'd like to wish all the Shrubville readers a very merry Christmas.
As is tradition here, we're re-running a great picture from Shrubville entries past, drawn by our friend JB (who I haven't seen around these parts in a while), in which Winslow dreams of his wonderful life married with children to Condoleezza Rice.
Have a Condi Jolly Christmas everyone!
December 24, 2006
Where Can I Buy Some Lumps of Coal?
Looks like a Stantis Christmas Original today, and it's not bad. Winslow has a really big stocking. Cute. Reading the strip though I was left with one question and one observation:
The question: Why are there three stockings? Winslow's is labeled, and I think it's safe to say that one is Carmen's, but who is the third stocking for on the mantel? The usual suspects (Dio, Kevin the Bunny, Shelly, heck even Conde Rice) haven't been around in ages. Is Stantis foreshadowing, or did he just lose track of how many main characters he has in his own strip?
The observation: If Carmen was a real little girl, the part in her hair would be four inches wide. Poor girl.
As I mentioned in yesterday's post I was taking a walk down memory lane the other day and stumbled upon my post from exactly one year ago - Christmas Eve, 2005. So did anyone in the Stantis household take my advice to heart and pick any of them up for him for the big holyday? Let's take a look:
- There was the handy dandy course on becoming a pro cartoonist in 12 easy steps. Like I mentioned last year he's already a pro: I was just hoping that it would help him act like more of a professional. No dice. While I'm sure he would blame it on his shoulder troubles, Stantis's drawing got progressively worse as the year went along. We're talking acceptable to downright embarrassing - and this is months ago. He also went a long way towards getting his ass canned instead of securing his pro job. Terrible go-nowhere storylines, the same basic premise every week (Carmen and Winslow standing in the desert spending the first panel of every day reminding us what the storyline is, then standing there and making lame "jokes"), and then a series of guest artists that showed how weak his writing has become. Definitely not the best year for our boy Stantis.
- If there's one gift people must have gone out of their way NOT to get Stantis last year, it's the course on Character Development. Yeesh. This was the year of the Prickly City Flip Flop, with Stantis flipping and flopping between making Carmen and Winslow the dupe in his gags because he never wanted his proxy Carmen to be the butt of the joke - even though his precious Republicans were the ones doing most of the stupid things all year long. By the end of the year their personalities were more blurred than ever. 2006 started with Carmen as a member of the "liberal" media reporting on the "desert war with the hamsters" and ended with "liberal" Winslow helping Carmen beat up Nancy Pelosi during manga week. Stantis's characters were so weak that he feared bringing in any new, long-term characters - something the strip has desperately needed for ages - because he wouldn't be able to keep their political positions straight even in his own mind (I'm assuming - I don't have a portal into his mind - yet). Oh, and the prick never gave us Carmen vs. Winslow in the mayoral race. He teases ONE major storyline at the beginning of the year and didn't follow through on it. Prick tease.
- We all know Stantis didn't join the military, and I'm curious if he'll even mention the "surge" in troops that only John McCain and George W. Bush support (yes, certain generals are coming out now to say they support it too - that's after the original generals resigned because they adamantly oppose more troops, and let's face it, the job of a person in the military is to do whatever the Commander in Chief says, so of course they're going to support whatever Bush wants). The only time Stantis delved into the military conflict in the Middle East was the unfunny and offensive desert hamster storyline - and that got him hate mail from the Republicans who usually support Prickly City (and are probably part of the 21% that still think Bush is doing a heckuva job over there). As the year goes along it's going to be even tougher for Stantis to avoid the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, since they've been the biggest story for months (well Iraq anyway - seems most people don't want to talk about Afghanistan for some odd reason), it was the biggest story during the election (outside of Republican corruption), and it will probably be the biggest issue in 2007. I think we can all hope that for Christmas Stantis gives us the gift of never revisiting the desert hamsters, though.
- There's still time to find out if Stantis got his Republican Corruption Checklist since that issue will carry over into 2007. I don't think he's ever really talked about how corrupt his Republican party is - heck, he even made up that bumper sticker saying people should vote for accused child stalker Mark Foley because he's not a Democrat. The only excuse he might have is some of the more corrupt members (Frist, Ney, Foley, Allen, Delay) aren't in office anymore.
- Obviously, after a year of sucking Bush's you know what, Stantis wants HIS president to listen to his private phone calls and monitor his emails. While he pretended not to be a Republican, 2006 let us know that he's a Bush man through and through.
- And finally my favorite gift, because he needed it the most: the 2006 crying towel. Boy, it must really suck to be Stantis. He spent the entire year as the biggest Bush/Republican cheerleader, only to see things fall apart when the Democrats won in a landslide on November 7th. Bush has struggled all year long and now he's on some bizarre quest to justify his actions for fifty years from now instead of, you know, right now. And Stantis has watched as a parade of various comic strippers came in and did a better job with his strip in a single day than he has all year. Oooh, that's gotta hurt.
For this Christmas I want to give Scott Stantis just one gift: a pink slip. Sure, it's fun "kicking the guy while he's down," to quote one of his substitutes, but Prickly City has gone from tolerable to outright horrible over the course of 2006. It was one of the most politically active years in recent memory (especially for a mid-term election), yet Stantis stumbled and bumbled and mumbled his way through the year, confusing his own characters, intentionally changing their points of view to suit his own position on issues, dwelling way too much on Hollywood gossip and tech trends, and continuing his streak of laugh-less strips. The Republicans lost control of the House and the Senate this year, and the American people decided to give the Democrats a chance to take over. I think it's about time we let someone else take over the space on the comic pages devoted to Prickly City. Because as most voters said to themselves on November 7th: they couldn't do any worse.
Merry X-mas, everybody!
December 23, 2006
Apocalypto Now-ish
Starring Mel Gibson as Winslow.
Okay, let me get this out of the way first: today's guest stripper appears to be Don Asmussen, who works for the evil liberal San Francisco Chronicle (I know they're evil and liberal because they're in San Francisco - Bill O'Reilly told me so).
Looking at some of his old strips, Mr. Asmussen has a habit of cramming as much as humanly possible into his panels. His guest stint at PC is no different. There's a whole lot packed into here, and...well, wow. Where to start?
First off, it's an Apocalypto parody. That's something I honestly never would have expected at Prickly City, and I think it's safe to say Stantis would have never attempted it. His mind just doesn't work that way. But how does it pan out?
Well - meh. Honestly, I don't really get it. Apparently Carmen is the last conservative in Prickly City, and the evil liberals are going to sacrifice her. This gives us yet ANOTHER Nancy Pelosi caricature, and as a bonus we get a tiny Howard Dean. Nancy by far and away fares the worst: boy, what is it with comic strip artists and Nancy Pelosi? Issues much? I don't care if the guy's a liberal or a conservative comic stripper, but come on - give it a rest. She hasn't even become House leader yet. I'm thinking it's because they're all too afraid of Hillary and Nancy is an easier, more fragile target. I'm sure looking at Asmussen's take on Pelosi had Stantis punching his cornflake box this morning.
So before Carmen can be sacrificed she wakes up and it's a "Wizard of Oz" ending, where it turns out Carmen was never really a conservative after all. Um, huh? I don't get it.
This reeks of "hey, wouldn't it be a good idea to parody that Mel Gibson movie?" but then having no clue where to go with it. Wouldn't this whole thing have made more sense if Winslow was the one afraid that his tribe of liberals were near extinction, with evil Karl Rove and George Felix Allen Jr. trying to sacrifice him, only to wake up to discover that Howard Dean and Nancy Pelosi actually won and the conservatives are no longer in power? But no, Carmen has to be the poor little victim in Prickly City no matter what so I guess this is the warped, twisted take on things we need to see. I dunno, maybe somebody else read this and had a completely different take - if you did, please use the comments section and let me know what you think. But for me this gets an A for the idea, but a D for the execution.
Tomorrow I'm planning to look back on what I wanted to get Stantis for Christmas last year and what, if any effect it would have had on his performance in 2006. Unless tomorrow's guest has Winslow blaming the Jews for all of the world's wars and calling Carmen "sugar tits."
Posted by The Furnace at 09:35 AM | Comments (3)
December 22, 2006
The Big Topper
Heads. No, tails. Wait, wait: heads. Or...maybe...tails.
Neither heads nor tails can I make of today. But that's OK. It's the Friday before Christmas. No one is reading the comics anyway, save for when they tear off the special paper on the package from Uncle Alan.
But if one WERE to read the comics today, namely Prickly City, and do a Google search for, "what the fuck is the deal lately with that bumblefuck neo-con bullshit strip Prickhead Dickie...I mean, like, the art is all fucked up and stuff" and come across this site, then we should offer up something.
So. Today's guest artist is Rob Harrell, author of Big Top, which is neither about Pee-Wee Herman nor a large homosexual man in the dominant position in bed.
Since I'm unfamiliar with the strip, I thought I'd see what those "in-the-know" think. Calling all Amazon.com reviewers!
Michael "Dorf on" Goff says: "Anyway, if you are a fan of strips like Get Fuzzy or Pearls Before Swine I think you'll enjoy the humor here."
David Dumbkoffski says: "Big Top is a fresh, original, and downright hilarious comic."
Jeri says, "I bought this book because I thought it would be funny but I had no idea it was primarily political, conservative views thinly disguised as humor. I think I found most offensive the strips where the coyote pup tells the young human girl that they can now get married because of the MA Supreme Court ruling allowing gay marriage."
FredN. [Hi, Fred!] says, "I guess I expected better artwork than what my dog can draw with a pencil tied to his tail."
Whoops! The last two were from the wrong book!
But back to the Big Top's Prick. Ly City.
I like the art. I like Winslow's dismissive attitude towards Carmen. I like the fact it's Friday. I like the Soriano signing for the Cubs...for the next 3 years at least. I like bread and butter. I like toast and jam. I like big butts and I cannot lie. But most of all, I like YOU, dear reader.
Posted by CJo at 07:59 AM | Comments (4)December 21, 2006
Pooch Punt
When I heard that Prickly City was going to be written this week by guest comic strippers, my first thought was "Nuts to that - I'm going to get a guest writer to fill my Thursday slot." After finding out that nobody I talked to knew what the hell Prickly City and/or Shrubville were, I had to take that option off the table.
Yesterday, I learned that I was supposedly in charge of penning the column "Taking My Esteemed Colleagues to Task, Or: Why I Too Would Like to Punch Grandmothers." I wasn't sure what to do with that jumping-off point, however, since I have no esteemed colleagues, just CJo and the Furnace. I kid, I kid.
Instead, I'll take this opportunity to thank the guest writers for allowing us to see that it's not just our eyes, but that Prickly City as written by Scott Stantis really is rather subpar. Plus, while Scott is given to making factual errors, I actually learned something from today's strip, as penned by Paul Gilligan of Pooch Cafe: Although commonly quoted as "meep meep", Warner Brothers, the current owner of all trademarks relating to the duo, lists "Beep! Beep!" as the Road Runner's sound.
And that's one to grow on.
Posted by Sacki at 12:01 AM | Comments (4)December 20, 2006
The Ink that Stinks and Winks
Today's Prickly City was brought to you by Phil "Slim" Dunlap author of Ink Pen, which seems like a mildly entertaining strip, but one I wouldn't read unless it were right under my nose in the morning paper. In fact, the only strip I would actively seek out online if my local paper didn't carry it? Arlo & Janis, a great though under-heralded strip. Plus, l'auteur -- Jimmy Johnson -- has a blog-ish website in which he frequently discusses his craft.
It's funny. Scott Stantis has/had a podcast which I used to pore over every Saturday looking for clues into his process of "writing" Prickly City. He may have been the first comic strip writer to offer that kind of access. And you know what I learned about Stantis and his work in all those podcasts? That he's a jerk.
But anyway. Today's strip. We can't forget about today's strip or my esteemed colleague Sacki will take me to task in his once-weekly forum entitled Taking My Esteemed Colleagues to Task, Or: Why I Too Would Like to Punch Grandmothers.
I'll give Dunlap high marks today. There's no self-reference. There's no, "Hi, We're the Replacements" blathering. It's business as usual: Winslow seems like Winslow and Carmen like Carmen. AND, on top of that, Dunlap makes a pretty potent point about politics, as well as a stinging rebuke of Republicans and their campaigns.
There are differing opinions as to how a guest artist should handle politics. Mark "Lio" Tatulli said yesterday, "to use [Stantis's] own strip to make fun of his politics while he was recovering, to me, seemed like kicking a man while he's down."
I, myself, prefer the argument once proffered by the late great Joey Ramone: "beat on the brat, beat on the brat, beat on the brat with a baseball bat, oh yeah."
Posted by CJo at 09:10 AM | Comments (5)December 19, 2006
Hey, Does Anybody Know If Prickly City Has Guest Artists This Week? I Sure Hope Someone Tells Us If they Do Every Day, Because I'm Too Stupid To Know Otherwise
At least it's funnier than when Pauly Shore pretended to be Michael Richards.
My first reaction when reading today's strip: what the hell is this crap?
Now it's not because it's a terrible comic or anything. Granted it's a dated Michael Richards reference, but that's in keeping with normal Prickly City SOP. It would have been nice if Winslow's little expletive-filled tirade had been framed in some way - maybe "You don't think Prickly City's funny because you're a ******!" Then maybe it would have made sense, but whatever.
(Oh, by the way, CJo pointed out to me this morning that the artist behind today's strip is actually Mark Tatulli. His entry for today's Lio is actually really good - better than anything Stantis has done.)
What's irritating me about all of these guest appearances is that none of them seem to have any BALLS. Yesterday the guy tackled Winslow's lame attempts at flying, with decent results. But is that what Prickly City is known for? Is that why it's even on the funny pages? No. It exists simply as "balance" for all of those stupid stinky smelly liberal political comic strips that are out there.
So where's the political humor? And please don't tell me bringing in a "liberal" artist to draw Winslow as one of the worst liberal Winslow stereotypes ever is supposed to count. A liberal making fun of liberals? How droll - and completely unfunny. And here we are two days into the week, and it's looking more and more like none of these guys will have the cajones to call Stantis and the Republicans out as the unfunny flip flopping hypocrites they are.
Can we get at least ONE joke about Carmen's political views? Please? Is that too much to ask for this holiday season?
What I find interesting is that it seems as though the guest artists are afraid to tackle the political views of the PC author. Or maybe it's because Stantis has so completely destroyed his own characters that it's impossible to ridicule only one of them as a conservative since their politics switch whenever it suits Stantis. Then again maybe they just want to make it clear to the world that, "Hey, I'm not the regular guy that sucks so bad - this is my own thing - so please be gentle. It's not my fault the strip is never funny, and I can't turn things around in a day."
Can we at least get one guy to do a roll call of all of the Prickly City characters that have vanished off the face of the earth? Like at the end of "Animal House," we can see what happened to Shelly, Kevin the Apocalypse Bunny, Dio, and anyone else that's shown up for a week because Stantis thought he came up with a clever idea but it ended up sucking just like everything else he touches.
At least the drawing is better this week. And Winslow is fat again.
December 18, 2006
Buckethead
Another week of a trip down replacement lane!
Just a reminder:
From Dec. 18-23, six other cartoonists will each do one "Prickly City" installment. They include five Universal creators -- Don Asmussen ("Bad Reporter"), Mark Tatulli ("Lio"), Phil Dunlap ("Ink Pen"), Paul Gilligan ("Pooch Cafe"), and Rob Harrell ("Big Top") -- and Greg Cravens, who took over Stantis' previous strip, the United Media-syndicated "The Buckets."
After a careful analysis of all the above-mentioned strips, and a handful of Advil to soothe my aching head, and a shot of morning bourbon to wash down the Advil, and then another couple of Advil to deal with the mid-afternoon hangover that is sure to come from the morning bourbon, and a cool glass of water to head-off the dehydrating effects of drinking, I think I've figured out that today is Greg Cravens from The Buckets.
Note the similar signature ("GREG" -- I think) in panel three of PC and panel two of The Buckets. There is also a similar handwriting style for the dialogue.
For those of you who don't know this Greg Cravens character, he was the Toby on one of Stantis's earlier strips, The Buckets, one of the worst-drawn, cringe-inducing strips known to man. (For those of you who don't know, Toby is one of Stantis's errand boys for Prickly City, Inc. Toby also doubles as co-host on the Not Updated Since September Prickly Podcast.)
Once Stantis lost interest in The Buckets -- and for good reason...it was so painful to read I can't imagine what kind of chunk it took out of his soul to write -- he handed over the reigns to Greg Cravens. I'm not sure whether or not the strip improved once Cravens took over. By that time, The Buckets had become so god-awful that my hometown newspaper had kicked its ass to the curb. I'll never forget the mixture of joy and pity that day, that day when I opened up to funnies for my daily Buckets torture to see that it was gone.
And that brings us to today, where Cravens's former master needs a little pick-me-up. And instead of fetching Stantis his coffe, Cravens draws what is probably the best-executed Prickly City in its history.
It's subtle but not obtuse. It references Wile E. Coyote without a double-underscore and bold letters. It also is self-referential -- rotator cuff mention -- without being lame about it like last week. The art is good too. Just look at Carmen sneaking away in the last panel. There is NO WAY that Stantis would be able to capture sneaking away.
I'm impressed, Greg Cravens. Not so much that I'll seek out The Buckets on a daily basis, but perhaps I won't be so dismissive of that strip in the future.
Posted by CJo at 08:55 AM | Comments (1)December 17, 2006
Future Goggles: The Stantis-less Edition
Is this a repeat? It feels like a repeat. Following in the footsteps of last week's "desert snow angels" we get Winslow trying to "desert snowboard." Hey, maybe next Sunday he'll start a snowball fight with Carmen and knock her silly with a rock. No, that would be wrong - can't have any violence against women at Prickly City. Unless it's Nancy Pelosi - then have at it.
So with various "liberal" comic strip artists taking over for Stantis, will they follow the Matt Davies formula and use it as an opportunity to bash liberals? Or will they use their platform to point out the hypocrisy of Stantis and the Republicans and show that Carmen isn't as smart as she thinks she is? Or maybe they'll make some last minute substitutions and hand things over to some more traditional conservatives. Let's take a look at what news stories were making the round two weeks ago as we slap on the Future Goggles:
- The Iraq Study Group's report that Iraq was bad and getting worse was still making headlines. Bush finally decided to accept the report and give it the once over. Of course since then we know the Decider has decided that he'll decide what to do in Iraq sometime next year. He'll probably tell us what he decided at the State of the Union. As any good marketer will tell you, you don't roll out your new product around the holidays! Don't want to depress the folks at home. I mean yeesh, it's not like it's chaos or a civil war over there, right? Right? Maybe Winslow can ask Carmen if she read it and she says she's waiting for it to be Oprah's choice for her Book of the Month Club.
- In "How the heck does this guy have a show on TV?" news, Glenn Beck continued his blatant racism against Muslims and hinted that he wants them thrown into concentration camps. Charming. This is the same yahoo that asked the first Muslim Congressman if he was with us or against us and to prove he wasn't a terrorist. Maybe Winslow can demand that Carmen admit what her nationality is and threaten to throw her behind razor wire because she looks like she's al Qaeda because Glenn Beck told him to. Hysterical!
- Turns out there aren't 25,000 contractors working in Iraq on the taxpayers' dime like the Pentagon said - it's more like 100,000. Hmm...140,000 servicemen and women making less than thirty grand a year having to spend half their time protecting a bunch of Halliburton and Blackwater thieves charging six figures to half-ass their jobs. Maybe Carmen can say she's headed to Iraq to make some cash while Winslow gets drafted to protect her.
- President Bush showed just how big a prick he is in an exchange with Senator-elect Jim Webb. Webb avoided Bush at a dinner because he didn't want a confrontation, but Bush sought him out and asked him "How's your boy?" Well Webb's son, who's serving in Iraq, was recently involved in an attack on his unit that led to the deaths of his comrades. When Webb responded that he wanted to bring them home, Bush shot back "That's not what I asked you." Asshole. To make things worse, Bush knew that Webb's son was nearly killed. Not exactly ripe for comedy, but that's never stopped Prickly City before.
- This was one of my favorite stories: turns out the guy who sent a bunch of left-leaning folks like Jon Stewart and Keith Olbermann letters filled with white powder to make them think it was anthrax turned out to be a huge right-wing fanatic. He donated money to Katherine Harris and is big into Michelle Malkin. But amazingly enough the story was pretty much buried by the media. Can you imagine how much play it would have gotten if it was a liberal sending terrorist threats to Rush Limbaugh and Bill O'Reilly? That could be fertile ground for a liberal comic strip artist - Winslow and Carmen could both send each other letters filled with white powder, but only Winslow is sent to G'itmo. Comedy ensues.
- In the saddest story of the month, we got a glimpse into the hell that is Jose Padilla's life. He's the accused dirty bomber that's never been charged with actually being a dirty bomber. But unfortunately in this day and age simply being accused of being a terrorist means you ARE a terrorist. This led to Ann Althouse justifying Padilla being shackled and forced to wear blacked-out goggles because he might be trying to send signals to other accused terrorists by blinking. No, that's not a joke. Now, is there a liberal comic strip artist daring enough to slap those goggles on Carmen? (Please note: I'm not saying Padilla is completely innocent. I'm just saying it's wrong to toss a guy into a cell for nearly four years without charges and torture him day in and day out to the point where he's driven mad.)
- And how can we forget that Mr. Basketful of Puppies himself John Bolton resigned? This time instead of Winslow applying for the job maybe Carmen can grow a bushy mustache and become all surly. Maybe they can both go for the job so they both grow staches. That might actually be cute.
So there you have it - fertile ground for any kind of comic strip artist that works on Prickly City this week. Will we get more of the "liberal" Winslow that's nothing more than a bunch of lame stereotypes? Or will Carmen finally be the butt of some jokes?
Eh, it's the week before X-mas and unlike Stantis most of these guys probably looked ahead two weeks on their calendar. So expect a week of "the War on Christmas." Bah humbug.
Posted by The Furnace at 09:43 AM | Comments (0)
December 16, 2006
Meet The New Boss, Same As The Old Boss
I think someone needs to sit down our "liberal" friend Matt Davies and have a little talk with him. You see, the concept of bringing in a liberal cartoonist to handle Prickly City should have been an opportunity for the other side to get to make a few cracks at the expense of the conservatives. Nope. Mr. Davies is nothing more than warmed over Stantis with a funny way of talking.
Instead of having a little fun with the conservative readership that LOOOOOVES Prickly City, instead Davies makes fun of liberal Winslow with the lamest liberal stereotypes somebody (Stantis?) can come up with. Ah yes, he wears glasses, he drinks lattes, and he eats quiche. How droll. Maybe next week he can donate money to moveon.org and perform a few on-demand abortions on his way to marry some lesbians. Seriously, are we supposed to laugh at this crap?
How much would it have been to ask for Davies to poke a little fun at Carmen and the Republicans? Otherwise, what was the point of even announcing to the public that a "liberal artist" was taking over? Other than their appearance, what would have made a regular reader think someone other than Stantis was writing this week's strips (other than his snooty way of talking)? It's just more lame liberal bashing, this time making fun of the way they look and act. Hardy har har.
In the meantime, Rumsfeld is gone, Tom Delay started up a blog, the ISG said Iraq is chaos, but the Decider needs more time to decide about Iraq, and Laura Bush said that Conde Rice won't run for President because her parents are dead and she's not married. Yup, absolutely no fertile ground for comedy there. Instead next week will probably focus on the Howard Dean scream, Nancy Pelosi's face, Teddy Kennedy's drinking, and Michael Moore's girth. Just like every other day in Prickly City.
The only positive I can think of coming out of this week is that he put Carmen and Winslow in the blimp. That's something I guess.
December 15, 2006
Prickless City
I think it must be the awkward phrasing that is throwing me off. I get nothing out of "why are you so enjoying" and "other than our not espousing" besides confusion. And when that's topped off with non-prickly cacti because of Democratic rule, I'm only left to utter a bold, all-caps, "HUH?"
Matt Davies has brought "obtuse" to Prickly City. And while I'm normally a fan of nuance and subtlety, I find myself pining for the days of Whine & Grouses, the days when Stantis used to read Michelle Malkin, scan the Drudge headlines, and sit down to draw with his stubbed and broken crayons, doing his best Bob Dole "Where's the Outrage?" routine to anyone who got lost on the journey from "Blondie" to "Broom Hilda".
I sure miss the prick.
But we have another week to go of Guest Artistry.
First new, Stantis-penned daily strip ETA?
Christmas Day. Praise be to Latex Larry.
Posted by CJo at 10:02 AM | Comments (0)December 14, 2006
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Yesterday, CJo, our beneficent host and the creator of Shrubville, your guide to Scott Stantis's hilarious comic strip Prickly City featuring Carmen, the 8-year-old Hispanic neo-con tot who lives in a faith-based homeless shelter; Winslow, the loveable liberal coyote clown; and Dio, the devil-worshipping philosopher lizard who may or may not be dead, came quite close to striking gold. Black gold. With specks of blood diamonds. And silver tipped shamrocks. All in marshmallow form. Anyhow, let's see if we can improve it.
This Davies fellow Pelosi broad, his art is her politics are even cruder than Stantis's Hastert's. But, frankly, I find his sketches of the characters her policies engaging, even charming.
Yup, that fixes the wagon good. It's okay when it's our team, not so much when it's the other team. Much like when the Furnace, who along with CJo is among the best Shrubville writers, finds humor in referring to Ann Coulter as "Mann Coulter" or calling Conde [sic] Rice a gap-toothed slut, but lambasts characterizations of Michael Moore as fat or Cindy Sheehan as nuts.
In conclusion (you've always got to end with "in conclusion" or something similar thereto, in order to signify that my thoughts and ideas, however incomplete they may seem, are indeed complete), I present for your viewing pleasure "Barney's Christmas Extravaganza," featuring a scene with Margaret Spellings, Secretary of Education, in which she learns what a casting couch is.
Posted by Sacki at 12:00 AM | Comments (2)
December 13, 2006
Scottie Pippin'
This Davies fellow, his art is even cruder than Stantis's Tinsley-Drunk scrawl. But, frankly, I find his sketches of the characters engaging, even charming.
The "story," on the other hand, has gone absolutely nowhere, which was probably an order handed down from Senor Arm Sling himself.
I'm sure Stantis didn't want to get Pipped during his absence.
"The First Rule of subbing for me on 'Prickly City': Don't make it funny. The Second Rule: Make sure it doesn't make sense. The Third Rule: When in doubt, have one of the characters punch Nancy Pelosi in the face. Fourth: When you sign a comic book deal to write a Christian-themed Manga featuring the Tentacles of Jesus and God's Robot Army of Fighting Japanese Schoolgirls, make sure to give me (and my son) sufficient credit."
Posted by CJo at 08:39 AM | Comments (4)December 12, 2006
Same Ol' Song and Dance, My Friend
Hmm.
I'm not really sure where to start with today's Prickly City. It feels like it's out of order, and this should have been yesterday's PC. Matt Davies makes it clear that he's drawing the strip now, but does that mean Stantis is still writing it?
I'm guessing no. The big hint is the punchline of today's strip, where Winslow suggests there's more than one "creator," going after the whole God/Christian thing. One problem: Stantis has never made a big deal about religion. He's had his go around with the Supreme Court and the Pledge of Allegiance, but (and maybe CJo can help me out here) I don't remember him making a big deal out of the Intelligent Designer. And if he has it was ages ago. But I guess this was an obvious joke since Carmen's god (Stantis) is out of the picture for a few weeks.
If Davies is writing PC now I have to give him credit: he's fallen into the same lazy azz habits as Stantis, and he's only two days into the job. Why break the fourth wall and have Carmen and Winslow just tell us a "liberal" is writing the strip? What, it's too hard to ask for a week of Winslow getting all the good lines and Carmen being made to look the fool? Afraid that people will like that more than the warmed-over crap Stantis serves up on a daily basis?
As for the artwork I don't really have any comment. The style is different but similar, and I'll leave it at that. I just hope that Davies realizes the weaknesses of PC (lame "storylines" that only last a day or two, Carmen and Winslow standing there talking instead of actually doing things, and a lack of actual jokes) and improves on them. Have some fun with it! Yeesh. You're a liberal, right? This is your chance to shine. Talk about the hypocrisy of Carmen. Talk about the flip flopping of both characters depending on Stantis's view of the issues. Maybe actually have Carmen and Winslow run for mayor. Do something instead of spending the week reminding us that you're a liberal and you're drawing the strip.
What will Prickly City be like now that "liberals" are in charge? What's going to change? Are we talking about the city or just these two boring characters who can't keep their beliefs straight? Will you introduce a new character? It's just so frustrating to know how much CJo, Sacki, and I could do if we took over PC for two weeks yet I have a feeling Davies will do everything he can not to upset the ailing Stantis and he'll just churn out the same garbage we've been getting for years now.
December 11, 2006
Hi, We're the Replacements
In case you've forgotten or didn't know to begin with, today begins a two-week stint in which Stantis (two weeks ago) took some time off to recover from rotator cuff surgery, AKA Post Election Stress Syndrome.
Replacing him this week is "liberal editorial cartoonist" Matt Davies. If you're curious about Davies's work, here are some recent political cartoons. Also, here is a blog he maintains about his cartoons. I hope Davies will be able to overcome one of Stantis's main shortcomings (besides his clumsy evocation of his crackpot politics, of course): his inability to 'write' a 'gag' for a week-long series. As a political cartoonist, Stantis has conquered the one-panel idea. But he struggles writing 3-4 daily panels on the same topic for five days in a row. Every day he feels the need to re-introduce the main theme. For example, who can forget the great 'Macho is in' series from July of this year:
Scott made sure you wouldn't forget. And he didn't bother moving the storyline beyond that.
Today, Davies introduces the week's main theme: Democrats have 'wrested control' of Prickly City. Will he develop the theme into an interesting melody? Or will he just play the same note over and over as homage to the recovering Stantis?
December 10, 2006
Nope, You Can't Make a Desert "Snow" Angel
Oh great, Stantis gives us a semi-cute joke about desert "snow" angels and follows it up with a lame burnt hair joke. Wonderful. We sure can't get enough of those at Prickly City. Should have quit when you were ahead. And instead of having Winslow on top of a rock he might have had a better shot at making an angel in the sand. Last time I checked, you could leave a footprint in sand - why not a sand angel? Bah. You suck Stantis.
It was nice to see PC tackle politics again, after getting off the the stupid retread of the "Winslow loves a celebrity who then gets a restraining order against him" storyline we're all pretty sick of by now. The big question is if Stantis can keep it up. He can't tell us there isn't enough material to keep things interesting: this is one of the most exciting times in recent political history, especially if you're a Republican looking to criticize the Democrats for EVERYTHING. I can't wait for a few weeks from now when he slams the Baker-Hamilton Commission for basically giving Bush everything he wants in regards to the war in Iraq, and the "blistering" report that says the Republicans knew Mark Foley was a sexual predator but turned a blind eye so it wouldn't hurt their political standing but nobody was guilty of doing anything wrong. Oops, I guess the Republicans are still the ones screwing everything up. At least they wrote up a new budget for 2007, right? Right?
I'm not sure if I should slap on the Future Goggles. Two weeks ago most of the talk was about Iraq. Bush wants to stay the course for the next fifty years so history can show he's just another misunderstood Harry S. Truman. McCain and Lieberman - the MMINOs (Maverick Moderates In Name Only) - want to send 20,000 more troops. The Dems went from campaigning on redeployment to buckling under to whatever the mystical Iraq Study Group was going to recommend - which they had to have known would just be a way to cover Bush's behind. And the Republicans in general were mum since they're still in shock they lost both houses of Congress and over half of the governorships. Then we find out last week we're probably going to stay forever just like the Fratboy In Chief wants, and the amazing conservative machine somehow yet again reframes the debate to make "stay the course" the "mainstream" position, even though nearly three quarters of the public want us to redeploy within two years, while 60% want us out in SIX MONTHS.
But I think the bigger story at the time was the whole OJ Simpson "If I Did It" debacle. Clever cartoonists have spent the last few weeks making jokes about how Bush will do the same thing when he leaves office in reference to his lying us into war in Iraq. What will Stantis do with it? Suffice to say it won't make us laugh, and it'll probably piss off most of us.
Personally I would love to see Stantis go after one of his heroes: Newt Gingrich. Newt went in front of a First Amendment rights group and said we need to...well, trash our First Amendment rights because the big bad scary terrorists want to blow us all up. And this guy wants to be president. He'd be a perfect follow-up to Bush, he of the illegal spying, illegal torture prisons, and illegal invading of foreign countries - right after King George we can have King Newt. At least Super-Republican Scott Stantis would be happy.
Oh, wait - has Stantis made any jokes about "Black Friday" Thanksgiving shopping and the Playstation 3? Get ready for a week of Nintendo Wii jokes and maybe some Britney Spears anti-panty shots.
December 09, 2006
Shot to Hell
Ah yes - today Winslow tells us the real reason the Democrats have offered to work with the Republicans instead of bury them like the losing Dems were buried in 1994: because the Dems are so afraid of those macho, gun-toting members of the He-Man Woman Haters Club that are so manly they reek of testosterone and Schlitz malt liquor. Oooh, that's right: the folks on the left are suffering from battered wives syndrome - "Please, don't hit us again - you're really the ones in charge - we'll do whatever you say since you're so hunky and tough and you're the only ones who know how to rule the world with your iron fist in a velvet glove."
Yup, just like Barney Gumble in the "Who Shot Mr. Burns?" episode of The Simpsons, Republicans around the country love to pull out their big guns and say, "Now THERE'S that inflated sense of self-esteem!"
Heck, Stantis isn't afraid - he's a man's man Republican too. Just check out how he pummelled Nancy Pelosi. Scott Stantis: 1 - Elderly Grandmother: 0. But he didn't need no gun. Not this time, anyway.
Of course whenever I hear about how awesomely powerful the Codpiece Conservatives are with their mighty guns, it reminds me of how awfully tough they really are. I mean, surely these rough n' ready cowboys have put their gun skills to use fighting for our country, right? Let's check out a sample of their heroic fightin' histories with some help of this website:
- Dennis Hastert: did not serve, avoided the draft
- Tom Delay: did not serve, avoided the draft (and his reasoning is extra-special - he said that so many minority (read: liberal) youths volunteered there just wasn't room for him)
- Bill Frist: did not serve
- Rick "Man on Dog" Santorum: did not serve
- George Felix Allen Jr.: did not serve
- George W. Bush: hid in the National Guard, where he only served 4 of the 6 years he was supposed to - heck, he had a Senate campaign to work on!
- Dick Cheney: FIVE deferments
- And of course, Scott Stantis: did not serve.
I should say though that Democrats really are afraid of Cheney - he recently shot that old man in the face, and he said he was off hunting on election day. Maybe instead of quail with their wings clipped he decided to hunt down those pansy hippy liberals they keep caged down in Guantanamo because they hate America. Or fish in a barrel. Whatever's easiest for America's Toughest Vice President (Who's Had Four Heart Attacks).
So yes Stantis - you keep telling yourself that the only reason Dems want to work with Republicans is because they're afraid of you. It's the same reason all of those cheerleaders didn't want to date you in high school: you were too much man for them. Instead do what you did back then: stay home and polish your pistol and hope it doesn't go off too quickly.
Posted by The Furnace at 08:25 AM | Comments (0)December 08, 2006
The Late Greats
It always amuses me to see Republicans evoke the name Abraham Lincoln. I mean, sure, he was the first President elected under the mantel of "Republican," but let's be real: Lincoln wasn't your daddy's Republican. Or your grandmother's. Or your great, great Aunt's fat friend Frieda's.
The Republican Party has changed over the years.
Of course, subscribing to the notion that things develop over time would be a tacit admission of evolution. And we know how well that goes over with the GOPSFDWCMAFRWBBC (Grand Old Party of Songs of Faith and Devotion Who Carry Miniature American Flags as a Red White and Blue Badge of Courage).
In fact, one might even argue that Honest Abe (Imagine! An honest Republican!) is a RINO (Republican in Name Only), or to put it in a term that Stantis claims he invented: a Republicrat.
But, hey, listen, this wreck of a party needs something to turn to. It sure as fuck ain't McCain or Guiliani or Brownback. So they turn to yesteryear and grab hold of what they can.
Let's make a deal, Scott. You can have Goldwater from beyond the grave. And you will get no argument from me about Reagan...Republican through and through, from cradle to grave and beyond.
But Lincoln? The world has his bones and everything he owned.
Anyway, I'm reminded of a column by the late great Land-of-Lincoln born-and-bred Mike Royko, written back in the day of Stantis's hero Ronald Reagan. Back when the GOP seemed ashamed of the Legacy of Lincoln.
And without further ado, breaking God-knows-what-copyright laws, I present to you...
Posted by CJo at 10:11 AM | Comments (2)
GOP TRIES TO KEEP OLD LIBERAL IN CLOSET
By Mike RoykoCopyright Chicago Tribune Co. Oct 28, 1988
Slats Grobnik looked puzzled as he asked: "What ever happened to Abe Lincoln?"
Lincoln? He's still on Mt. Rushmore. Why do you ask?
"Well, has he kind of fallen into disgrace or something? You know, like in Russia, where they kick old leaders out of the history books and take down their statues."
Of course not. Honest Abe is revered, one of the two or three greatest presidents in our history.
"That's what I always thought. But something funny is going on."
Such as?
"Like this news story I just read where President Reagan makes a speech about what a great guy Harry Truman was."
I read that.
"And isn't he always talking about what a great guy Franklin Roosevelt was?"
Oh, he's very fond of FDR.
"And I read where Danny Quayle said something good about Truman. And so did Bush. And I think Bush said something nice about FDR, too."
Yes, they've spoken highly of them.
"Well, maybe I missed something, but I thought Truman and Roosevelt were Democrats."
Of course they were.
"Then how come all these Republicans keep dropping their names? Why don't they talk about Republican presidents?"
Now that you mention it, that is curious.
"I mean, I can see why they don't want to talk about Nixon, because he got kicked out of office. Or about Hoover, because he started the Great Depression. Or Coolidge, because most people don't know who the heck he was. But wasn't Abe Lincoln the father of their party?"
That he was.
"Then why don't they ever mention him?"
It's probably just an oversight.
"I don't think so. Nowadays, with all those sharpies who run campaigns, there's a reason for everything. And there's gotta be a reason why Honest Abe is getting the silent treatment."
I can't think of any.
"Come on, let's figure it out. Like Sherlock Holmes and Watson. Let's look for clues."
All right, what are the clues?
"Well, what was Lincoln most famous for?
He preserved the Union by winning the Civil War.
"Hah! Now we're getting somewhere?"
I don't understand.
"It's elementary, my stupid Watson. The Republicans want to win the South, don't they?"
Of course. It's essential to their battle plan.
"So what happens if Bush or Reagan or Quayle go down to Georgia to make a speech and they say: 'Remember, my fellow Americans, we are the Party of Lincoln?'
There might be a certain coolness.
"A coolness? Hey, the audience is going to jump up and yell: 'You damn Yankee carpetbagger, don't you know that Lincoln sent General Sherman through here and burned up my great-grandpa's house in Atlanta.' "
That's quite possible.
"You bet it is. You go down South and start talking about Lincoln and guys named Bubba are gonna grab their shotguns and set their hounds on you. You ever notice who they name streets and highways after down there?
Who?
"Not Lincoln or President Grant, I'll tell you that. Everywhere you go, it's Jefferson Davis Boulevard, Jefferson Davis Highway. He's still their guy."
You may have something.
"Okay, what else is Lincoln famous for?"
Everybody knows that. He freed the slaves.
"Right. So you think Reagan and Bush and Quayle want to remind white voters about that?"
But it was one of Lincoln's noblest achievements.
"Sure, but it's not something they want to mention in a 1988 campaign. If Bush gets up and says: 'My friends, we are the Party of Lincoln, the great man who freed the slaves,' you know what some white Southerner is gonna say, or some white guy in a bungalow in Chicago or Cleveland?"
What?
"They're gonna say: 'Oh, yeah? Than Lincoln's worse than Dukakis. Dukakis only let that Willie Horton out on furlough. Lincoln turned the whole mess of them loose and now they're moving into my neighborhood.' "
I suppose it's possible that some might react that way.
"Possible. Lemme tell ya, if the Republicans went around saying: 'Fellow Americans, vote for us because we are the Party of Lincoln, the man who won the Civil War and freed the slaves,' you know what would happen? Dukakis would get 70 percent of the vote. Even Lincoln's first name would hurt them."
His first name?
"Yeah, Abe. Some people would think he was Jewish, and they'd lose the anti-Semite vote."
An interesting analysis. I wonder what Lincoln would say if he came back to life today?
"I don't know what Lincoln would say, but I know what Reagan and Bush and Quayle would say."
What?
"They'd say: 'Look, another liberal.'
December 07, 2006
Who Pissed In My Oatmeal?
There have been some rumblings around here at Shrubville about attacks on lil' ol' sweetiepie grandmama Nancy Pelosi and the big ol' bad meanies because...I'm not sure of the exact reason. Is it because she's a woman? A grandmother? A Democrat? For fucksake, the woman is going to be in the third most important position in power, and she can't be criticized or attacked. Is it my fault that she's funny looking and her daughters can't keep their legs closed? Loard help us if Phyllis Schlafy runs for president, she'd be in like flynn.
Very well, then, I'll just criticize her for not voting in support of HR 4655 to establish a program to support a transition to democracy in Iraq - in 1998. Good vision there, Nan.
And then waiting until we done already gone all shock and awe to vote for HR 2601 in 2005 which "expresses the sense of Congress that early withdrawal from Iraq is counterproductive to the aims of the U.S. Armed Services, coalition forces and Iraqi forces, and that transfer of responsibilities and withdrawal from Iraq should occur when it is clear that goals have been, or are about to be, achieved." Way to be ahead of the pack.
If that isn't enough, this fine "leader" didn't even have the backbone to take a stand against HR 3162 - the Patriot Act. What bravura leadership. What would Cindy Sheehan think?
On a more recent note, how about that pie chart yesterday? That was some pie chart. We've got ourselves a little Ross Perot on our hands folks. He even calls my Thursday entries a "giant sucking sound." I play the part of Admiral Stockdale best as I can - you can often find me wandering the halls of Shrubville muttering "Who am I? Why am I here?"
Oh, about today's Prickly City - same ol' same ol'.
Posted by Sacki at 12:01 AM | Comments (3)December 06, 2006
Prickly Sensation City
I find it amusing that someone so anti-Culture of Celebrity Worship devotes so much energy publishing their names. He seemingly has a Haggard-esque-like Revulsion/Attraction thing going on. "I hate you and your kind. But, MAN, do I have a huge erection...I mean, like, HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE."
But which female celebrity gets his blood flowing to his nether-regions the most?
Shrubville has done an exhaustive examination of each and every Prickly City since its inception. Below is a chart of Female Celebrity Mentions:
And wouldn't you know it. The "celebrity" who deserves the least mention, who has no redeeming cultural value whatsoever, the ever-pantyless, fellating on night vision, dancefloor-puking Paris Hilton gets the most of Scott Stantis's attention.
I'd love to hear the conversations in the Stantis household.
"Yes, I downloaded the Hilton video because I was curious. But I threw it away. I didn't watch it.
I didn't have sex with myself. It was a massage."
Posted by CJo at 09:08 AM | Comments (3)December 05, 2006
Spearing the 'spoon
Apparently Winslow's love affairs with Shelly the Turtle and Conde Rice are over - he's out to get Reese Witherspoon and Britney Spears now. I guess he has a thing for single moms.
So instead of a week of hard-hitting political commentary tackling Donald Rumsfeld's "resignation" (I like to think of it as a forced retirement - forced by the American people tired of his incompetence), we'll get yet another week of Stantis making fun of pop culture. Man, you know it must be bad in the Republican Stantis household when he would rather talk about Britney's snooch than Democrats.
I really wish Stantis wasn't writing this week's strips, because another comic writer might actually get Winslow out of the desert and have him venture into the L.A. nightclub scene to hook up with the blond bombshells. He could be seduced by Paris Hilton AND Linsay Lohan at the same time while Britney watches - and Reese shoots the video! Nope, we'll get Winslow standing in the desert telling Carmen how much he wants both of them, and Carmen will be the voice of reason saying he has no chance. Ugh.
It's as if Stantis can't bring himself to actually criticize the Republicans more than once every few weeks. What's the problem, Mr. "Conservative?" I thought you weren't a Republican - you just wanted what's best for America? Besides, these guys aren't Republicans - they're Republicrats, right? If you had any balls, you'd be spending just as much time slamming Rumsfeld and George Felix Allen Jr. and Conrad Burns as much as you focused on beating up Nancy Pelosi. But no, we see your true colors shining through.
Hey, is Cyndi Lauper single?
December 04, 2006
Maybe It's Just the Oxycontin* Talking, But...
Bravo.
The End.
*His, not mine.
December 03, 2006
Stantis, It's Never a "Laughing with YOU" Moment
Looking closely at the fine print it seems as though Stantis himself drew today's strip. That explains why Carmen's head is drawn like a football, then like a basketball (with a softball for an eye), and finally like she's got one of Stantis's bizarre moons for a mouth as she writhes on the ground. Much like Pittsburgh fans' attitude towards Big Ben Roethlisberger, just bench the guy already and let him heal up for next year. We're almost in as much pain as he is looking at this trainwreck.
After bringing in backup last week to do the drawing for him (but unfortunately not the writing), we're left to wonder what Stantis will do this week. Another temp artist? Or does he just hand over the reins to a professional who's not dating his son?
The person who takes over has plenty to work with, but you wouldn't know that from reading Prickly City over the past few weeks. There's been a ton of political fodder to make fun of, but Stantis has instead preferred to make fun of Nancy Pelosi's appearance and then live out his fantasy of punching her repeatedly in her big head. Classy. So what if a newbie takes over until the end of the year? What could we expect from someone with the balls to tackle some real issues?
- Winslow and Carmen could stand around talking about Donald Rumsfeld resigning. You remember that guy, don't you? Stantis seems to have forgotten him. Maybe yesterday's story that Rummy hates America like the rest of the liberals and was talking about cutting and running will light a fire under Carmen. This could lead to talk about the new Secretary of Defense, Robert Gates, who's one of Bush 1's cronies who has a nasty habit of covering things up to protect his bosses. Gee, why in the world would Bush 2 bring in a guy like that?
- Carmen might change her tune and act like the rest of the conservatives did the days after the election, which is, "Okay, we need to stop all of this bickering and WORK TOGETHER to make things better!" My favorite email of the year came from my friend Neo-con Mel, who followed the script to a "T" by saying now that the Democrats have won it's up to them to work with the Republicans and the President to fix things. Why do I get the feeling "working together" really means "please don't investigate us" and "please don't try and stop the President from doing everything he wants, because that makes him angry and we don't like Mr. Bush when he's angry. He might stomp his feet and yell like the spoiled fratboy brat he really is. And that makes us sad and worried and wet our beds because we're just here to make as much money for ourselves and our already-rich buddies. So just let things slide and you'll be rewarded by our lobbyist friends too, okay?" Or something like that. However this would mean Carmen would have to flip flop since last week she told Winslow that the Republicans are going to fight the Dems tooth and nail when they take over. Hmm, Carmen flip flop? Is that possible?
- Carmen and Winslow could discuss the war in Iraq - er, I'm sorry, the "war on desert hamsters." But that would mean the person who takes over for Stantis would have to explain that it's not really a war on hamsters - instead it's a civil war that would have happened anyway if Saddam's own people had ousted him. Ha ha ha - just the idea of Prickly City spending an entire week trying to explain what's happening in Iraq cracks me up. Nope - we'll get more jokes about Winslow self-tanning and Carmen making fun of Howard Dean's scream.
Until we know what's up with Prickly City next week I'm not sure what Stantis has up his sleeve (which will hopefully be in a sling so we don't have to deal with his "drawing"). If a liberal does take over the strip, he's going to have a heckuva time trying to figure out what to do. I'm guessing Winslow will revert to being a liberal (despite his helping vanquish the evil Nancy Pelosi) and Carmen will be a "traditional" Republican. The big question: under the guidance of a liberal, will Carmen finally be the butt of the jokes and be made to look the fool? Because let's face it - the Republicans have been doing a fantastic job of looking foolish lately, and it's about time someone with actual talent got a chance to use Prickly City to make us laugh at them.
Posted by The Furnace at 09:54 AM | Comments (1)
December 02, 2006
Why Couldn't It Have Been a Lone Wolf and Cub Parody?
Uh oh, Stantis - if the Feds find out you've been using the internets to learn how to make rockets they might put you on The List.
Okay, now this is funny. But not the way that Stantis and his future daughter-in-law meant it to be.
The Speaker-elect's giant floating head has been vanquished, thanks to a combination of Winslow as a roll of Mentos and Diet Coke.
Let's stop and analyze this, shall we?
Scott Stantis supposedly HATES technology. Despises it as much as he hates stupid smelly stinky liberal elderly grandmothers.
The phenomenon of dropping some Mentos into a bottle of Diet Coke and making a rocket is STRICTLY internet-fueled. I can virtually guarantee you that anyone over 40 who doesn't use the internet at work has no clue what the hell Stantis is talking about when he says that's how Carmen and Winslow were able to win. I can safely tell you that my parents and most of my friends don't know what the combination of Mentos and Coke will get you, because it's not something that's been in newspapers or on the nightly news - it's one of the first YouTube videos that got a lot of attention and that's about the only place where anybody cared (except for Keith Olbermann's Countdown, because he's all kinds of awesomeness).
So not only did Stantis turn the drawing duties over to a girl whose style is most likely offensive to any of his over-50 readers (especially the panels where Carmen goes through puberty naked), he's topped it off with a punchline that only a handful of internet-savvy readers will understand. And most of them are saying, "Where did Carmen get a bottle of Diet Coke in Manga World? At the Gundam Grocery?"
At least Stantis didn't have Winslow beat Nancy Pelosi's head by getting rid of her bad breath. No, that would have been in really bad taste. Not like the concept of Stantis beating up an elderly woman through the proxy of a young girl.
I would also like to hi-light Doc Sane's comment from yesterday. He makes a great point: why exactly are Carmen and Winslow fighting the future House leader? Especially Winslow - wasn't he just bragging that his side won? Nope - she's from San Francisco and a liberal, so that makes her evil and she must be beaten to death. Thanks Stantis - it's good to know that all of that stuff the Republicans were saying right after the elections about working together was a load of crap.
Of course this leaves us without a subject for the big Sunday color single-panel extravaganza. Are there any other women that Stantis wants to beat up? Maybe another elderly person that doesn't share his "values?" Ooh I know - maybe you should have your sub draw up a strip where you pummel Max Cleland after you throw him out of his wheelchair. Maybe that'll make you feel like an even bigger man, Stantis. God I hope they fire your ass when they realize that you're just a bitter, soulless, unfunny piece of garbage who gets his rocks off lying to the American public and blaming everyone else when things don't go your way - which is the way of the President. Maybe being unable to draw will give you some time to think through this whole chosen profession of yours, and you can come up with something that's a better fit. Used car salesman maybe? Baby seal killer? Maybe someone can use the comments section to come up with a better occupation for Mr. Stantis, because "funny comic strip artist" sure ain't it.
December 01, 2006
Values
Good Gawd, this turned from Fuzzy Cute to Fucking Crap in no time. Are we actually witnessing Cheerleader 'Ho Carmen punching [the floating] Nancy Pelosi [head]? This is what passes for a publishable comic strip? I tried to cut this Chaka-Khan girl some slack with her big public lucky break courtesy of her ex-boyfriend's father. Good for her rah rah rah yay life and all that.
But punching the Speaker [elect] of the House? Is that really what she wants to get involved with?
Not that -- I hope -- she had anything to do with 'writing' the action. That's pure Stantis. When push comes to shove, when you're staring the Liberal Menace square in the face, when "San Francisco Values" will soon blanket the country, the only way to combat it is some good ole fashioned Alabama Values heeeeeeeeeeee haw. "Let's rumble, ya'all. You brung Civil Rights? I brung a fire hose. You brung a minimum wage raise? I brung a billy club. You brung reason and accountability? I done brung my fist."
Posted by CJo at 09:08 AM | Comments (7)
picture courtesy of JB
