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November 30, 2006
Head's Up
Shrubville/Prickly City free association:
Giant floating head. Head was a Monkees movie. Mike Nesmith was a Monkee. Mike Nesmith's mother invented Liquid Paper. Liquid Paper is owned by Newell Rubbermaid. Rubbermaid's competitor is Tupperware. Tupperware is known for its distinctive "burp." Burping emits foul odors. Foul odors can be covered by mints. Mentos is a mint. Mentos is Winslow. Winslow is gay.
Posted by Sacki at 12:04 AM | Comments (1)November 29, 2006
Stuporfriends
Wonder Twin Powers: Activate! Form of: A Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader...?
I suppose I shouldn't be all that surprised that Carmen's ideal superhero form is that of a cheerleader. What better ideal for a little conservative girl than someone who sits on the sidelines and resolutely, blindly, faithfully cheers on the men as they pummel each other into oblivion. Bravo, Sarah White...er...Shira-Chan. Bravo. I'm sure Scott Stantis -- in a post-surgery, Oxycontin-induced haze -- is clapping. With one hand. Since one arm is in a sling.
This week has all the elements of a great storyline: floating evil Nancy Pelosi head, cheerleaders, Mentos, Manga, Oxycontin, a married man with children, the ex-girlfriend of the married man's son, markers, the Culture of Life, disappointment and bitterness over election returns, podcast capability, and, let's not forget, Toby. Whisk together to combine. Pour in a greased baking dish. Bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes. Cool on a rack. Publish.
Posted by CJo at 08:28 AM | Comments (3)November 28, 2006
Mangled
Finally, an excuse to share some FullMetal Alchemist manga.
Serves me right for getting my hopes up yesterday.
Turns out Stantis isn't out of commission just yet. While he may have temporarily handed over the drawing duties to his son's ex-girlfriend, he's still writing the same crap we've grown to loathe and hate over the past few years. How do I know that Shira-Chan didn't come up with this shit sandwich herself? Well I doubt a young woman would make fun of an elderly woman's appearance and think it was funny, especially when she didn't draw her to look all that ugly. Secondly, any girl into manga would know someone who's scared doesn't yell, "AWWW!" Nope, that's craptacular Scott Stantis writing all the way.
I'll admit it is kinda cool to see a giant monster fighting a giant robot - that's something I never thought I'd see in Prickly City. But that has nothing to do with Scott Stantis. Odds are he told this poor girl, "Just put some of that magma stuff you draw in there" and she had to tell him, "But it's MANGA, not magma" and he said, "Whatever, you want to date my son or not?" and for some reason she still did the job.
So as I said on Sunday, even if Stantis is going to be phoning it in and having other people draw it we're still going to be getting lame Nancy Pelosi jokes for the next week. Oh joy. My hope is when that liberal comic stripper comes in he'll turn things upside down in Prickly City. My suggestion: clearly establish the characters, draw them consistently from panel to panel, and tell clever political jokes that reflect the current attitudes of the American people. That's something we've never seen before in PC.
In the meantime, get ready for Carmen and Winslow to go on a quest to restore dignity in politics as they take the powerful Conservative Crystal to Washington, DC and use it to slay the awful Floating Nancy Pelosi Head or some kind of crap that bastardizes manga because Stantis doesn't have a clue what he's talking about. What should have been the best week ever in Prickly City has quickly become what it usually is: the worst comic strip ever. Even if someone with actual artistic ability is drawing it. It doesn't matter how pretty the paint job - if the blueprints suck, the house will fall down. And Prickly City is the house that Stantis built.
Posted by The Furnace at 09:24 AM | Comments (4)November 27, 2006
Peek-a-Choo, I See You
Wow. Well. Um. That's...interesting. And a little earlier than expected.
Last we heard from former frequent Shrubville visitor and Stantis insider Charles Brubaker, Stan The Man would be taking December 11-16 off to recover from rotator cuff surgery; filling in would be a "liberal cartoonist." But it seems he's starting his recovery early.
Once I was able to decipher the URL in the margins of today's strip, I went to a website called deviantART. I still don't know what it is, but I found this:
"All righty folks! For people who like seeing my stuff outside dA, here's a little news for you. Scott Stantis, artist of Prickly City, had surgery on his shoulder, and is taking time to recover. So he asked me to fill in for him for a week.
That's right! Starting November 27th for six whole days, the newspaper will have my Prickly City comic running in it. Go check it out, yo!
If you don't get Prickly City in your newspaper, you can still see the comic at ucomics.com starting on the 27th. Yay me!"
Well, Ms. Shira-Chan, if you're listening, which I suspect Scott Stantis told you not to do, let me say: You drew the best Prickly City ever. I'm not exaggerating. I'm not being snide. This is sincere. I think this will be a great week. In fact, I'm going to write Universal Press Syndicate and ask that the change be made permanent. I would like nothing more than Winslow and Carmen to turn into cute manga characters who go off and fight with Pokemon and Dragonballz and Transformers and Speed Racers and, um, you know, He-Men and shit. Watch out for that manga-hole, Winslow! Duck, here comes Pikachu! Fire the Dragonballz now! What a delight the strip would turn into.
Three Cheers for Shira-chan! Hurray! Hurray! Hurray!
PS: If you're wondering how/why Stantis chose this young woman to fill-in for him...from the artist herself: "[Stantis] lives near me. I dated his son for a while without even knowing it! :) We're really close and I have dinner with his family all the time."
Posted by CJo at 07:41 AM | Comments (4)November 26, 2006
Lose Weight The Stantis Way!
One day Scott Stantis draws you / And the next
Today's Prickly City wouldn't be so bad if Winslow wasn't drawn so freakishly thin. Does Stantis have any idea how to draw his own characters anymore? The guy needs to cut out what he thinks is his best ever drawing of each of his characters and tape them around his desk so he has something to refer to when he's writing. It's one thing to have them flip flop on their political stances every day - that's more a reflection of Stantis's inability to deal with his own faults as a Republican. But drawing Winslow one day as chubby, then the next day as fat, then chubby, then razor thin, then fat as the week goes along? That means you're either the worst professional comic stripper on the planet, or you've gotten so lazy and tired of your own strip that it's time to call it a day. Either way, there's no reason you should have the job anymore. Let someone else in there that can at least draw his or her characters with SOME consistency and personalities that don't shift with the latest Republican talking points.
I suppose I could try and find some deeper meaning in today's Prickly City, but if I do it would once again show how Stantis doesn't care about his characters anymore. Winslow, even after being warned by Carmen not to, still sticks his tongue to a cactus only to get stuck with no exit in sight. To me it seems like a pretty obvious metaphor for the war in Iraq. But that would make Carmen one of the stinky smelly liberal hippies and Winslow would be the Republican war-mongering neo-con. Oh wait, it's the Iraq war we're talking about, so of course Carmen has to be right and Winslow has to be wrong. So sayeth Scott Stantis. He's always right, we're always wrong, deal with it.
Word is that Stantis is going to have Prickly City taken over by Democrats, much like the rest of the country. In other words, he's going to introduce MORE characters that he won't know how to draw whose politics will flip flop more times than Mr. Bush's over the past 6 years. Stantis tried to bring in other characters before - Kevin the Bunny and Dio spring to mind - but he was so completely incapable of keeping THEM straight that he simply dropped them with no explanation. Lord knows what Stantis has planned now that the Dems are in charge of Prickly City. Does he bring in another new character, like the mayor?*
*Let me take a moment to remind everyone that earlier this year Stantis made a big deal in his podcasts** that Carmen and Winslow were going to run against each other for mayor of Prickly City. It never happened.
**Let me take another moment to remind everyone that Stantis hasn't updated his podcast since September.
Oh who am I kidding - Stantis is going to spend the last few days before his break making fun of Nancy Pelosi's appearance and cracking lame Howard Dean jokes. Maybe he'll toss in some Tom Cruise jokes to remain "topical." I just wish the surgery he was going in for was to replace his funny bone - unless he's never had one, which could very well be the case.
Posted by The Furnace at 09:50 AM | Comments (0)November 25, 2006
No Republican Left Behind
Hmm, anybody remember Stantis ever speaking out against the heart of the Republican party? I don't.
Aww, isn't this cute?
(Oops, let me start over - this is Prickly City we're talking about here)
AHHHHHHHHHHH, isn't this cute? Carmen has her own elephant, named "GOP," and she needs to remind him that as a Republican he's supposed to spend less and make smaller government. Thank god and the spaghetti monster that Scott Stantis is willing to stand up and let us know just what exactly the Republican party is all about.
You know I might have a little sympathy for the guy, as well as the rest of the "Republicans" out there, if they hadn't supported President Bush EVERY SINGLE DAY OF HIS PRESIDENCY. Gee, you'd think if they were so upset with his out of control spending, his ballooning deficit, his ever-expanding government, his lying to invade other countries, and his illegal spying on Americans that they would have voted against him in 2002 and 2004 to send him the message they sent in 2006. But nope. It wasn't until a few weeks ago, after Iraq has turned into a complete nightmare (years after Democrats warned this would happen), outrageous gas prices, and a party so bloated and corrupt running the U.S. into the ground for their own personal gain that the folks on the right said, "Duh, maybe we shouldn't vote for these guys, uh, duhhhhh." I'm surprised they were able to use those touchscreen voting machines after having their fingers plugged in their ears for the last six years not wanting to hear how bad things have gotten in this country.
So Stantis - like every other Republican talking head - is jumping on the band wagon that says, "Oh, these Republicans in power weren't REALLY Republicans - they weren't conservatives like us and that's why "we" voted them out." Yeah sure, right. Nope, you brain dead zombies still came out and voted for Republicans. It was the moderates and the independents who weren't scared anymore by the President saying, "if you vote for Democrats, the terrorists win and America loses!" Nope, the average American who doesn't blindly follow the REPUBLICAN party has gotten so sick and tired of 8 trillion dollars in debt and a war with no end that we were lied into in the first place and the Mark Foleys and Bob Ney's of the world that they voted with the one party that's actually promised to listen to them instead of whatever The Leader wants them to do.
So maybe we should remind you, Stantis, of what you really are: a Republican, through and through. You had your chance to speak out against the party years ago. You didn't. You voted for Republicans in 2002, 2004, and I'm betting 2006. You voted for Bush in 2004. You've had plenty of chances to complain about the leadership. Instead, you didn't pull out your oh-so-original term "Republicrats" until just a month or so ago. And that was because the writing was on the wall. YOUR party, the Republicans, were on the brink of losing at least the House, and you were hedging your bets. Now you've admitted you want to fight tooth and nail AGAINST the Democrats, who have inherited the "small government, less spending" platform that used to be held by the Republicans 20 years ago.
In other words, Scott Stantis: Super Republican. Live with it. You made your bed - lie in it. Because that's all your party seems to do anymore. You lie to the public, and you lie to yourselves. But I guess that's never stopped you from trying to rewrite the history books as history happens. The difference now is that the the majority of the country has wised up to how big a joke your party has become.
But hey Scotty, it's not to late for you to worship another animal: the jackass. That might be a perfect fit for you.
November 24, 2006
Scott Stantis: Putting the Ass in Carcass
As if we didn't have enough evidence, today is another great example of how fucking worthless Prickly City has been since Day One. The conceit in today's strip is that come January -- once the Democrats officially take power -- the Right Wing, who, you know, has peacefully sat around the last six years since they've been in power just trying to govern and lead and do the right thing and shit, will begin to ceaselessly attack the Democrats. BEGIN!
These miserable bastards, these Right Wing Sycophants of which Stantis is a charter member, these Enablers of the Great Neo-Con Swindle of all time, have been HAMMERING AWAY at the merest whiff of "liberal" and/or "democrat" since their Leader was gifted the reigns by the Supreme Court on December 12, 2000. And they haven't stopped for one minute. It's the Don Henley Strategy:
Kick 'em when they're up
Kick 'em when they're down
Kick 'em when they're up
Kick 'em all around
So to listen to Stantis say, come January, they will *start* the ceaseless attacks is just so fucking ridiculous.
It's just like Stantis' rationale for starting "Prickly City." Blah blah blah, the "Conservative voice" is so under-heard in society. Blah blah blah the "liberal media" controls everything blah blah blah.
But when "Prickly City" first ejaculated into existence, Stantis and his boys had been in charge for three years. And same as it was then it is now: They spend half their time complaining about liberals instead of, actually, you know, doing something constructive.
So, Scott, let me say this in words I know you'll understand: CRAM IT WITH WALNUTS.
Posted by CJo at 08:49 AM | Comments (6)November 23, 2006
For Our Friends With The Lockjaw
T'giving.
X-giving.
Columbus Day.
Whatever you call it, I'm sure most of y'all can relate to the inevitable occurrences at the annual event. Since Double-S didn't even bother referencing the Holiday, let's see, via the archives, what Team Shrubville thinks of the rituals.
Football
Football = Fall is a comic strip rule. The falling leaves, the crisp air, Charlie Brown, Lucy.
So what, you may wonder, is an appropriate topic or theme to introduce in late winter? Why, it's the perfect time to sully the Democrats, of course! Duh.
TV
Now back then of course there was no such thing as cable or satellite TV, so I'd have to wait until we passed by a town big enough to have its own television station. And that would mean getting only a few minutes of watchable programming by the time I got the dial set to the right station and the image clear enough to make out what was going on. But man, were those few minutes sweet. I still have that "mini" TV in my closet.
Excessive Eating
I'm too busy working with my hands instead of sitting at a fancy desk with a bag of soy chips and Starbucks coffee to get fat. I'm not calling either of my esteamed broccoli-eating co-writers fat - not by a long shot. I wouldn't want to get them mad and have them sit on me.
Digestion
…we can see the thoughts of the greats on the subject of gaseous eruptions.
George Washington: Our country's honor calls upon us for a vigorous and manly exertion; and if we now shamefully fail, we shall become infamous to the whole world.
Thomas Jefferson: I find the harder I work, the more I have of it.
Theodore Roosevelt: Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.
Jimmy Carter: You can do what you have to do, and sometimes you can do it even better than you think you can.
And finally, in the name of love...
Martin Luther King, Jr.: A right delayed is a right denied.
Curling Up With A Book
At any rate, what I'd like to find out is if Shrubville has any of the same power as Oprah. Therefore, I'm officially announcing February's Shrubville's Books selection: Prickly City by Scott Stantis -- a delightful collection of "comic" strips artlessly sketched with a Sharpie on six rolls of toilet paper.
If just a handful of the handful of Shrubville readers purchase this book, we may see its Amazon ranking rise from 431,575 to at least 431,576...but with a bullet.
(Note: current sales rank - #441,992...with a bullet.)
...thanks be to Scott.
Posted by Sacki at 06:45 AM | Comments (2)November 22, 2006
Quit Jiving Me, Turkey
Oh look. How special. How very very special.
The Haggard cock-faced, nose-full-of-GOP-shit-because-his-head-has-been-shoved-up-their-collective-ass-
for-so-long, with a ball sack old and dangling like a chad, who is un-fucking-funny from The Dawn of Man until The End Times, who draws like a stumblebum drunk going through delirium tremens in the absence of his favorite moonshine "Cumdrunk StudJuice," who is a partisan hackjob Rove Army frontline hatchetman, with a rotator cuff frayed and worn from simultaneously jerking off to Fox News and "writing" a comic strip, who is all red and sore from bending over and taking it up the ass from whatever Right Wing cause that has the biggest erection, smearing the leftover mixture of semen and fecal matter (aka "Santorum") on a sheet of paper and sending it off to the syndicate for publication, loser piece of shit jive turkey bad person Scott Stantis called Nancy Pelosi a bitch.
How special. How very very special.
Happy Thanksgiving, you miserable asshole.
Posted by CJo at 07:52 AM | Comments (5)November 21, 2006
Ouch Indeed, Loser
Nobody likes a loser, right Rush?
Ah yes, I know that face. It was all over the Fox News crew on election night. Joe Scarborough's face carried it as well, and Rush didn't try to hide it the next morning.
It's the look the Yankees have had the last few years in the playoffs. Or the Colts when they lost to the Steelers last year. "How did this happen?" they ask themselves. They were so sure of themselves.
It's even more difficult for the Republicans to admit they went down in flames to those lousy stinky Democrats. Sure, they knew the House would be close. But Karl Rove had his dirty tricks in full force in the close races in Ohio, Maryland, and Virginia - and he had access to THE math, and THE math is never wrong. Diebold was handling the voting machines. They had poured millions into their last minute push for racist and misleading advertising. It was a no-brainer! They were confident they'd keep control of everything, ESPECIALLY the Senate. The Dems didn't have a chance in hell of taking control there. The Republicans were so sure of themselves that they didn't even care about the governorships.
The fix was in. They had a bigger payroll than the other team. Their players cheated. Several of the refs were supposed to be bought and paid for. Heck, the announce team was all ready to tell the world they were the winners.
But they weren't the winners. They were the Losers, and yes - that's a capital L.
However, I don't think the Democrats were the winners. The real winner here is democracy. The American people were sick and tired of the leadership of this country and their inability to get things done. Stuck in Iraq. Corruption. Outrageous healthcare costs. Bridges to nowhere. Four times as many days on vacation than working. So despite all of the lying, cheating, and stealing, the Republicans couldn't overcome the full force of the American people having their voices heard. To misquote Howard Beale in "Network," the American people were mad as hell, and they weren't going to take it anymore.
I have to admit I was a bit shocked by the results myself. The big difference was I turned my frown upside down when Burns and Allen conceded. And to me that was the most shocking thing of all: the Republicans went out with what little dignity they had left. No demands for recounts, not a whole lot of whining. I get the feeling it's because they didn't really want to deal with the tough issues anyway. Now Iraq and the corruption and everything else are the Dems' problem, and Mr. Bush has a stack of vetoes ready to go so they won't get to do much of anything anyway. Now they can focus on 2008 while the Democrats have to deal with the mess the Republicans in charge made of the country.
So yes Carmen, ouch indeed. Your supposed "moral majority" was a sham. It took a few years of fearing that if you didn't support the Republicans you weren't a patriot and you hated the troops, but finally the American people had seen enough. They wanted a change, even if it's to a party that isn't all that different from the Republicans. At least they don't do whatever Mr. Bush tells them to do.
I hope you can accept this new world order, Carmen. A world where the reality that our country is closer to 50/50 than Jesusland. An America where it's okay to question the Leader. You know, the guy that told us if we vote for Democrats "America loses and the terrorists win." One last fear tactic, and it failed. People are sick and tired of being afraid, Stantis. They finally have something they haven't had in five years: hope. While you were making tasteless Mark Foley bumper stickers and making up inane storylines about desert hamsters, Crazy Howard Dean's 50 state plan was working like a charm. That's right: Howard Dean beat Karl Rove. Suck on that. But hey, not all is lost for you - you can still make fun of Nancy Pelosi's looks. Because that's real humor.
But a last word, to the Democrats in power: don't screw it up. We the People got rid of the last bunch of do-nothing crooks, we're not afraid of kicking you out just as quick.
***
Side note: What's the deal with Carmen looking like a female version of the bloated Dennis Hastert lately? Maybe a few too many pieces of humble pie.
Posted by The Furnace at 08:02 AM | Comments (4)November 20, 2006
Giving Thanks
Oh! My! God! Carmen is barfing up a bowling ball in front of our eyes! Avert your gaze! Hide the children!
In other news! Oh my god! Current events have caught up to Stantis! We can relive the Tuesday following the first Monday here in the last two weeks of November! Awesome!
So let's get out the roasting pan! Let's fire up the oven. Let's chop up some onions, carrots, and celery. Let's get some Heckle-n-Jeckle from the butcher. Let's stuff 'em full of three years worth of chopped up neo-conservative claptrap masquerading as a comic strip. This Thanksgiving, somebody is gonna eat some crow.
Yumm-o!
Posted by CJo at 10:52 AM | Comments (4)November 19, 2006
Bottom Feeder
When I originally came on board as a contributor to Shrubville it was because I was tired of how Scott Stantis was using his comic strip to push his neo-conservative politics while slamming anyone who disagreed with him and the Republican party. But not just because he was doing it - there are other conservative strips out there. No, it was because he sucked at it. He wasn't funny - which should be rule #1 of strip on the funny pages. See, the word is right in the description: funny pages. Stantis was also lying or misleading his readers with his arguments, and it was both annoying and frustrating. Much like Fox News, he never let facts get in the way of his politics. So when CJo asked me to be a part of the team, I jumped at the chance.
But lately Stantis hasn't even been trying to tackle politics. He spent a day slamming John Kerry on what was arguably the only story on the left the Republicans could use against the Dems in the elections. Then he spent the rest of the week on celebrities adopting babies from foreign countries. He used to use his podcast as a platform to explain his politics and why, if you didn't think it was funny, it was because you "just didn't get it" and you were probably a stupid smelly stinky liberal.
On top of all of that, his drawing has become sloppy and crude. I can understand that's an aesthetic choice of some comic strip artists, and maybe he is in quite a bit of pain since he's going in for surgery in a few weeks. But it seems to me it's just because he's getting lazy and doesn't want to spend time drawing his characters well anymore. The biggest problem with this new direction is that at least Carmen and Winslow looked cute before, so it was easier to swallow their radical political views and the vile talking points they spewed. Now that they're ugly, their already-ugly comments stand there on their own - and it's not a pretty sight. Can you imagine buying a Winslow doll that looks like the one in today's strip?
Let's take a closer look at it. It's a simple story: Winslow, like most canines, chases his tail. Instead of just catching his tail though he catches his whole ass. Okay, that's not terrible: exaggerating that can be humorous. But then Carmen shows up and asks him what he's going to do with it now. Kinda funny, right? Sure we've seen that gag a million times, but it's a Sunday and he's doing something for the kids.
But then there's the crowbar. It took me a minute to figure it out, but it's my belief that Carmen has a crowbar in her back pocket. Fine, that can be funny: it implies that it's happened before. But if that's the case, then why is she going to ask him what he's going to do with his tail? Didn't she ask him that the last time this happened? And since when does she just carry around a crowbar? Is she looking to rumble now that the Democrats have taken control of Congress and the terrorists are going to be pouring over our borders?
Yes, I know I'm being picky. And I'm definitely reading too much into it. But it never ceases to amaze me that someone who has a job writing for major newspapers across the country can publish this crap and get paid to do it. I'm not an artist, and I'm not a comic strip writer, but I have a feeling I couldn't do any worse than what Stantis does on a daily basis. There are no jokes. His drawing makes his characters look as offensive as their politics. And on top of that, he's not even talking politics anymore: he's wasting our time talking about celebrity gossip weeks and months after people stopped caring about it.
So tell me: why is there a Prickly City? What purpose does it serve anymore? If you have any ideas, please use the comments section and let me know. Because I'm running out of things to write about now that Stantis seems to have given up. It shows in his drawing, and it shows in his writing: he just doesn't seem to care anymore. So why should we?
November 18, 2006
Womb Raider
Let's face it: Stantis just doesn't care anymore. We actually did get a week of adoption strips like I predicted on Tuesday, and it felt like Stantis was just making it up as he went along with no point to it all. He hasn't even updated his podcast since September. And you know it has to be a weak entry for me to wonder what the heck was on his mind last week and why he didn't spend more time trashing John Kerry.
After spending several days trying to adopt Carmen, now Winslow wants someone to adopt him. Um, okay - talk about not wanting to tackle politics this week. Of course it's Angelina Jolie he wants to be his "mama," yet another bizarre reference from Stantis to bestiality. Turns out Winslow is a big fan of the "Tomb Raider" movies, which makes him the only one.
I don't blame Winslow for choosing Jolie over Madonna. Her faux British accent and freakish body would warp any young child. Although she's much more controversial (and if he checked the TV Guide she has a big concert on NBC this week), so that would lead to more weeks of Stantis not caring and just slapping strips together. At least they'd have some relevance other than hearing about how Jolie's body guards beat up some more photographers.
Winslow seems to be forgetting that Angelina is married to Brad Pitt. Maybe Winslow's hoping for a threesome. What, it's okay for him to be into woman-on-coyote sex, but not group sex? Stantis, you're a sick, twisted pervert. You're corrupting young minds everywhere with your sexual fantasies.
Yeah yeah, I know that's not what Stantis meant. But how else am I supposed to fill out today's post? Lord knows I'm going to have to don the Future Goggles to kill time tomorrow as this storyline concludes with Winslow getting a rejection letter because he's not cute and African enough.
The next few weeks will be interesting. It should be the equivalent to TV sweeps for him now that he's had time to process the election results. But he's going on leave in December, so there's a good chance he'll just phone it in until then. Either way we here at Shrubville are doomed. But that's how we like it.
PS: Family Guy sucks. But that's just my opinion.
November 17, 2006
Mighty Mighty
After setting down that he has a valid reason why he'd want to be adopted by Angelina Jolie, and allowing us for two nearly blank panels to let the obvious thoughts cross our minds, we're left with the sickening thought of Winslow creating his own butter for his "mother."
I think I saw this one already in Oedipus Rex Morgan, M.D.
In the DVD version of this strip, coming out before Christmas, the alternate soundtrack even includes Earth Wind & Fire in the background as Winslow puts his sick fantasy to paper.
I'm longing to love you
Just for a night,
Kissing and hugging and holding you tight
Please let me love you
With all my might.
Speaking of reasons, what's the reason for there not being an "Air" in the band? Did I miss the 60 Minutes where Andy Rooney gets to the bottom of that mystery? First person to explain it to me wins the right to adopt me.
Posted by Sacki at 12:01 AM | Comments (3)November 16, 2006
I Brought My Pencil, Give Me Something to Write On
While on the way into the Shrubville complex today, I noticed that the local Boys & Girls Club announcing a very special guest appearance at the facility, Heavyweight Champion Michael Moorer.
I thought to myself, it's not cool to make fun of the dude just because he's sloth-like. I also wondered why in the world this snake-oil salesman was being allowed to work with impressionable young children.
At that point, maybe a minute after seeing the announcement and processing the above thoughts, I realized I was thinking of Michael Moore, the left-wing stooge filmmaker instead of Michael Moorer, the left-wing boxing champ.
In any case, I reckon the kids are better off learning from the pugilist than the pseudo-documentarian. Gorilla Monsoon > guerilla filmmaking.
I suppose what I'm really getting at is that given a chance to take a position from his bully pulpit, Stantis doesn't bust chops and dithers that "I can't really say what kind of parent Madonna is." Sure you can, and it would've been more admirable if it was said. With that in mind, I give today's strip a D-.
Posted by Sacki at 12:01 AM | Comments (0)November 15, 2006
I'll Send an S.O.S. to the World
What's up with the overlong arms? Winslow in Panel Three has morphed into a disco-suited sloth. And if you were to unfold Carmen's arms in Panel Four they would extend beyond her toes; she would literally be a knuckle-dragger.
As for the text of the strip -- the "topic" if you will -- I'll be honest: I didn't bother reading it. What's he harping on now? Technology as a fad? Small-size poodles as a fad? Bejeweled cell phones as a fad? Death as a fad?
Someone please wake me when the current events have washed up on Stantis' lonely little deserted island.
Posted by CJo at 09:07 AM | Comments (3)November 14, 2006
When Adoption Goes Bad
Get used to it, Carmen - you don't think he wants to adopt you for your charming personality, do you?
Hey, remember a while back when there were a lot of stories about celebrities adopting babies from foreign countries? Well Stantis is just now getting around to it, probably because it's easier to talk about that than the build-up to the elections that was going on when he was writing this a few weeks ago.
First off, let me just complain about the structure of today's strip and how it's the kind of lameness that plagues Prickly City. Winslow reads a paper, gets a bright idea, then TELLS Carmen he's GOING TO adopt her. Now if you followed the Madonna story at all, she adopted a kid and then found out that the dad was still in the picture, complicating things a bit. So why not start today's strip with Winslow holding a piece of paper, saying, "Hey Carmen - guess what - I adopted you!" Then we have three more panels where they can argue about him now "owning" her or something and saying that he did it either because it's the cool thing to do or that he did it so he'd have someone to clean his room. All kinds of possibilities. Instead Stantis would rather waste three panels (one of which is Winslow running) instead of using his time to, you know, make us laugh. Why is this so obvious to me and not a guy who gets paid to do this for a living?
But if Winslow is going to adopt someone, I have some other suggestions besides Carmen. There are a lot of people who could use a good home right now since they're not living under the Republican tent anymore:
- Rick "Man on Dog" Santorum. I'm sure he needs someone to comfort him in his time of need. The poor guy got blown out even though he was the incumbent in what was thought to be a safe Republican seat for most of the year. Although the nickname might give people the wrong idea.
- Tom Delay. He'll need all the help he can get when he's on trial, and it'll be nice to have his "daddy" visit him when he's in prison. And until he's locked up he can put his exterminator skills to good use killing the bugs in Winslow's house (or wherever that coyote lives).
- George Felix Allen Jr. Now that he won't have a Presidential campaign manager he'll need someone to fill that void. And someone he can call "Macaca."
- Mark Foley. Okay, maybe not. Although I'm betting Foley would love to adopt Winslow. You know, because he just wants pictures and someone to email.
- Donald Rumsfeld. It'll be nice to have someone around the house that no matter how bad it is, he'll tell you things are going great. But first he'll ask himself how things are going, then he'll tell you how great they are. You don't even need to speak - he'll do all of the talking for you. Unfortunately everything he says will be wrong, but it'll make you feel better about yourself.
Instead the rest of the week will be Winslow reminding us daily that he wants to adopt Carmen, and her asking why. Every day will start off with one of them saying, "So, you want to adopt me?" or some variation of that. Then expect lame Madonna and Angelina Jolie jokes, if any jokes at all. I guess it's better than jokes about "Fuzzy" John Kerry.
Posted by The Furnace at 09:19 AM | Comments (0)November 13, 2006
Fuzzy Wuzzy Wuzn't Fuzzy, Wuz He?
You people, the loyal readers and commenters of Shrubville...you people are right on target.
Annie, 11/1/06:
"Right now, Scottie is drawing a whole week of John Kerry strips for us to enjoy right around Thanksgiving. How timely he is!"
Marc Heiden, 11/10/06:
"We'll know what Stantis thinks about the actual election results around Thanksgiving. Next week should really give Kerry a going-over for that joke about the troops, though."
I couldn't have said it better, myself. So I won't.
Now maybe you'all can help me decipher "sometimes fuzzy just isn't enough."
Is Stantis implying that John Kerry is missing the warmth to accompany the fuzzy?
Is he implying that Kerry isn't clear on his various positions, such as "stay the course" vs. "I've never been stay the course"?
Is he implying that the rotator cuff is connected to the brain stem?
Or is this a masterfully witty strip in which Stantis intentionally botches a joke to make a point? In fact, has the entire run of "Prickly City" been one long botched joke in which he needles John Kerry from the past, present, and future?
Posted by CJo at 09:29 AM | Comments (1)November 12, 2006
Republicans + Negative Ads = - 34 Congressional Seats
I love it when Lazy Azz Scott Stantis phones in a cut and paste strip with a flip remark and doesn't realize how much it reveals about himself.
Carmen and Winslow appear four times - drawn the same way in each, except for the color of the background which Stantis doesn't even do - just sitting there on a rock. Yeah, the PC blimp makes an appearance, probably because his editors said, "Dude, you keep turning in these boring, do-nothing strips we're going to replace your sorry butt with artists that actually take the time to, you know, DRAW." That's why he should be worried about his job not being there for him when he takes off in December.
Carmen sighs - she actually MISSES the negative campaign ads. That's right: Scott Stantis misses the Republican negative ads. Why do I say just Republican ads? Quick - name a negative Democratic ad. Nope, Stantis misses the subtly racist Corker ads suggesting black men just want to rape white women, the Republicans giving out Jon Tester and Tammy Duckworth's HOME phone numbers, and the Republicans showing Osama bin Laden blowing stuff up in an effort to scare us (boy, Osama didn't even have to buy advertising to get his message out there - the Republicans did it for him). Sure the Dems put out negative ads as well, but nothing on the level of the smear campaign the Republicans were running.
And to that I say "thank you." While negative ads were a great tool in the past they backfired this time. People were already sick and tired of the corrupt and morally bankrupt Republicans in charge - they didn't need reminding that all they had to run on was how bad their opponents supposedly were instead of touting their own accomplishments. What the hell had the Republicans actually accomplished? Medicare D? Giving the President the power to arrest anybody, throw them in a secret prison, and torture them forever? I don't think the American people wanted to hear, "Yeah, we're terrible - but boy, are the Democrats even worse!" Instead they went into the voting booths with images of George Allen calling a kid with dark skin "Macaca" and welcoming him to America - even though he was not only born in America, he was born in Virginia - something not even Allen himself can say (he was born in San Diego).
Of course today's strip would have never run if Stantis wrote it this past Wednesday, after it was clear the Democrats had won. He would never admit that he misses all of the slime, knowing that it didn't work this time and his boys lost control of both the House and Senate due in no small part to the negative campaigns. "Be afraid" and "They want to raise your taxes!" and "If you vote for Dems, America loses and the terrorists win!" weren't enough to overcome the corruption, incompetence, and lack of direction in the Republican party. But boy, Stantis sure did love them when they were on the air. It's alright, Scott - you still have your platform to continue to be negative. I can't wait for you to go after Nancy Pelosi and the rest of the Dems, because just like Karl Rove I don't see you learning the lesson that the people are tired of your negative (and unfunny) message and want something positive and unifying.
Side note: why didn't Stantis take advantage of the blimp being there? He could have set up that it used to fly negative ads - heck, just one day this week showing the blimp overhead with something like "Ned Lamont kicks puppies" would have set up how negative the ads were, and then today Carmen could reminisce about the campaigns. Instead, it's just puttering along for no reason other than he didn't want to be accused once again of being a lazy azz sumbitch that could care less what his "fans" want: something more than a guy who spends less than ten minutes slapping together a Sunday strip when every other comic strip artist realizes it's the most read strip of the week. Man, I can't wait for those two weeks in December.
November 11, 2006
And They're Not Actually Made of Butter Either
First of all, I'd like to thank everyone who voted on Tuesday. Despite Sacki's lack of understanding of the democratic process, people came out in droves to have their voices heard, and what they basically said was "throw the bums out." Now we have to make sure the people we put into office aren't as corrupt and incompetent as the last bunch. Fortunately, those guys set the bar pretty high for being the Worst Congress Ever. Now we just have to deal with the Worst President Ever, and as he showed at the end of the week he's not going to be as bipartisan as he says he is (especially saying he wants to push through John Bolton and his illegal wiretapping with this lame duck Congress).
In Prickly City, Winslow is trying to transform himself into a butterfly, but he's not having much luck making his cocoon. Hey, I have an idea why it might not be going so well: butterflies don't make cocoons, moths do. In their pupa stage a butterfly will make a chrysalis, not spin a cocoon. What, do newspapers simply not have proofreading sections anymore? I guess it doesn't matter to Stantis - he's a "from the gut" kinda guy, just like Stephen Colbert and George W. Bush. He doesn't have any need for "facts." In his Red State of Mind, butterflies make cocoons because it makes for a better "joke," and gosh darnit that's how it's gonna be.
It must be an interesting time around the Stantis household. The Republicans lost both houses of Congress, sending the message loud and clear that the people are sick of the corruption, sick of Bush's "stay the course" in Iraq, tax breaks for oil companies while they post record profits, outrageous healthcare costs, a powermad President, and host of other things that this Congress ramrodded through WITHOUT the Democrats having any kind of say.
But, this gives Stantis the chance to make fun of the Dems since they finally wield a little power. He's already established that he LOVES to make fun of the appearance of a 66-year-old woman, and Nancy Pelosi is a virtual lock for the Speaker of the House (and lord knows Stantis couldn't figure out a way to make fun of the old Speaker Dennis Hastert. That was a guy custom-made for Stantis's "every politician I draw is a fat slob" abilities, yet he never made an appearance). Now I'm sure Prickly City will get visits from those Radical Extremist Smelly Stinky Stupid Liberals like Charlie Rangel and John Conyers and Henry Waxman - Democrats who have this silly notion of something called "checks and balances." Bastards. How dare they even attempt to question The Leader? Oh, there will be hell to pay when both Carmen and Winslow go after their extremist policies like smaller government, no tax breaks for the oil companies, and funding stem cell research. And yes, it will be both Carmen and Winslow - didn't you catch "liberal" Winslow slamming Sean Penn yesterday? The days of Winslow being a Democrat are over.
There's something else though that should worry Stantis: the conservative media might not feel the need to carry a conservative strip like Prickly City anymore. The previous quota policy might be thrown out the door, since the American people have shown that there's a MAJORITY of them who aren't radical conservatives like Stantis, so Prickly City might go the way of the dodo bird. That, or we'll get a moderate strip instead that actually IS fair and balanced. We shall see, but I'm betting that when Stantis takes a few weeks off in December (thanks for the heads up, CB) he'll be terrified their won't be a job waiting for him when he heals up.
So since I last posted on Tuesday we now have a Democratic House and a Democratic Senate, but Scott Stantis is still making stupid mistakes like saying butterflies make cocoons. The more things change, the more they stay the same.
November 10, 2006
Another Fine Prickly City "Told Ya So" Moment
November 09, 2006
A Lepidopterist Never Changes His Spots, or You Need A Kick In the Dupa, Pupa
If I were to give the strip a grade today, I'd give it a solid C+. While the situational construction of a character pursuing an elusive object in abject futility is classical (Charlie Brown trying to fly his kite/kick the football; Calvin urinating on a Chevy; Judy trying not to be stupid and get hit by Punch), the execution is off by just a tad, because a character engaged in such an activity has to remain pure and decent for us to all get behind him and fully feel his pain. When Winslow calls the butterfly "stupid" it instantly breaks the mood and leaves the reader aghast at his vulgar nature. That is why Charlie Brown never called the kite stupid; why Calvin never defecated on the Chevy; why Judy never called the cops.
If for extra credit the author can speak to the theory of the "butterfly effect" to explain the coincidence of Donald Rumsfeld's resignation yesterday and my train arriving 30 minutes late today, I might bump the grade to a B-.
Posted by Sacki at 12:01 AM | Comments (3)November 08, 2006
P F F F F F F T T
November 07, 2006
GO VOTE!!!
Although you might want to watch out if it's an easily-hackable Diebold machine - just one reason why I think the fix is in.
Odds are Scott Stantis had no idea how appropriate today's Prickly City would be on election day.
While Winslow tries to encourage everyone to vote, Carmen is as annoying as possible to keep him from getting his message out and keep people from voting.
In related news, the Republican National Congressional Committee has paid for "robo-calls" to happen all across the country. What are robo-calls, you ask? It's an automated dialing programming that calls someone - here people living in hotly contested districts - and starts with a line like, "This call is about Democratic candidate _______." Then it either tells you something about the candidate, or nothing at all. That's it.
However, the robo-dialer continues to call that person. Over. And over. And over. And over. And over. And over. And over. And ov - you get the idea. In one case as many as EIGHTEEN TIMES in one night. So by the end of the day, the last thing you want to do is vote for this damn Democrat that keeps calling your house.
The catch of course is that the Democrat didn't pay for those calls. Instead it's yet another Republican dirty trick. Maybe this is their "October Surprise" - annoy as many people as possible so they either don't vote or vote for the Republican out of spite. Way to win an election on your policies, Republicans.
This isn't isolated to one area either. So far their are reports of these robo-calls in:
Pennsylvania
Kansas
New Hampshire
Connecticut
New York
Aw hell - let's just say they're doing it in 53 competitive Congressional districts. Keith Olbermann has more.*
(*A side note on Keith. All weekend long MSNBC has been running special "Campaign Coverage" all day and all night. Who's the only anchor who hasn't been allowed to be a part of it? You guessed it - the only one who could come close to being considered not-Republican. Tucker Carlson, Joe Scarborough, and Chris Matthews? All over the place. No Olbermann. Yup, it sure is a "liberal" media.)
Tell you what - why not just keep an eye on the Talking Points Memo website today. Sure it's a left-leaning site, but haven't you noticed that it's the Democrats that are always the victims of these annoying dirty tricks?
Don't let the tricks get to you. Go vote. It doesn't matter which candidate you choose (see how I avoided the who/whom debate?), but go and have your voice heard. Obviously I think you should vote for Democrats - I can't imagine why anyone would vote Republican. In fact, if you're a Republican reading this please use the comments section to tell me POSITIVE reasons why I should vote Red. Don't give me the whole "Dems are weak on national security" and "Dems will raise my taxes" - I want good stuff about the Republicans that isn't easily smacked down. Because so far this campaign I haven't heard anything positive about the Republicans. Maybe because there isn't anything - and that's why I'm voting for Democrats. At least they want to stop oil companies from getting tax breaks and actually do things like protect our ports and do something other than "stay the course" in Iraq.
The choice is yours - now go make it. Get out there and vote. Otherwise you won't have the right to bitch about things when they suck worse than ever over the next two years if the Republicans maintain their "mandate."
November 06, 2006
Temptations featuring Scott Stantis and Ted Haggard
VOTE FOR MY GUY
I've got burning
Like a glowing ember.
When it's cold outside,
I've got the 7th of November.
Well, I guess you'll say
What can make me feel this way?
My guy. (My guy, my guy)
Votin' for my guy. (My guy)
I've got such an erection
Women should cease.
I'll call up a stud hotline
For massage with full release.
Well, I guess you'll say
What can make me feel this way?
My guy. (My guy, my guy)
Votin' for my guy. (My guy)
Ooooh, Hoooo.
Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, hey, hey.
I don't need no woman,
Lady or broad.
I've got all the testes, baby,
One man can hoard.
Well, I guess you'll say
What can make me feel this way?
My guy. (My guy, my guy)
Votin' for my guy. (My guy)
November 05, 2006
Fear of a Stupid Cartoonist
No, Scott Stantis. The answer is no.
Simply accusing someone of a "campaign of fear" is NOT, in fact, a fear campaign itself. That makes ZERO sense. You're an idiot.
Today Stantis does his best to turn accusations that the Republicans are using fear as their only campaign issue on their ear. It's a typical Republican tactic - accuse the other guy of doing exactly what you're doing and hope people (like Stantis) are too stupid to notice. Well Scott, we're not stupid like you.
His logic almost works. Almost. You see, TERRORISTS really do use fear and terror as a way to manipulate their enemies. It's kinda the definition of terrorism. What the Republicans are doing is trying to scare the bejeezus out of us every day, telling us to be afraid that the terrorists will succeed if they're not in charge.
So let's put that into logical terms:
- Terrorists use fear of death to control their enemies.
- Republicans use fear of terrorists to control Americans.
See, that makes logical sense. The Kung Fu Monkey has a really good write up on why we as Americans shouldn't pay attention to the Republicans "fear and only fear" platform - check it out here. Also make sure to check out Keith Olbermann's Special Comment above.
Stantis's little attempt at logic today doesn't make any sense at all. You've got Smelly Stinky Stupid Liberal Winslow telling Carmen to knock it off and quit trying to scare everybody. Apparently Winslow uses violence to knock her to the ground (or she took dive lessons from George Allen supporters), which makes oh-so-much-sense for a liberal to do. Guess Stantis knew nobody was going to buy his argument so he had to make Winslow as intimidating as possible. Carmen then blows Winslow's mind with the most non-sensical logic Prickly City has ever offered up. Apparently Winslow is the real fearmonger here, not Carmen and the Republicans.
So let's put the Stantis Logic into simpler terms:
- Republicans use fear of terrorists to control Americans.
- Democrats who point out that the Republicans are using fear tactics are the ones using a campaign of fear.
Um, huh? Whuzuh? That didn't blow my mind, it just made me stupider for having read it. See, you can tell because I used the word "stupider."
Sorry Scott, but your little lame effort to try and paint the Democrats as being just as bad as the Republicans has failed miserably once again. The only thing the Republicans have to run on is the fear that there will be another terrorist attack, and they somehow - despite not protecting us on 9/11, not securing our borders, not securing our ports, and bogging us down in a war that had nothing to do with terrorism - are the only ones that can protect us.
How illogical is that? Remember it when you're voting on Tuesday.
Posted by The Furnace at 07:58 AM | Comments (0)November 04, 2006
Where's That Toilet? I Think Winslow Needs to Go #2
As the elections approach it seems like Stantis is losing his mind and whatever trace elements of ability he might have had. After toilets and balloons, we now get the Might Morphin' Power Winslow.
At first we see a bloated, constipated Winslow - his forearms having grown to Popeye-proportions and his gut distended so much he makes the late Marlon Brando look svelte. Apparently Poor Winslow's head is about to explode.
Next Winslow has miraculously dropped about 20 pounds - arms look normal, gut less pudgy, head not nearly as explosive. The only difference is he has more black stuff under his armpits, apparently a side effect of hanging around Carmen. Some "Right Guard" might clear that up. Ha ha ha ha! That's a joke worthy of Stantis, I tells ya!
We then get Demon Winslow. You know the one - eyeballs rolling into the back of his head, mouth shaped like a melon baller, and even his fangs are sticking out. However he doesn't yell. He just asks if the election is over yet. Now of course anyone who actually pays attention to politics would question why Winslow - a supposed liberal - would be upset right now. The Dems are up in the polls across the board, and many are predicting they'll at least take the House (not me though - I still say the fix is in). Wouldn't it make more sense to have Carmen wish it was all over, so she wouldn't have to hear about scandal after scandal after scandal? I know if I was her I'd be dreading another Mark Foley or Bob Ney or George Allen incident where he sics his goons on a liberal blogger.
Oh, then a disembodied voice - possibly God's - tells Winslow they're almost over. This is one of the few times having lines separating the panels would have helped. At least then we could have seen that someone off-panel was talking to Winslow. Here we're left to ponder if maybe it's Karl Rove whispering sweet nothings into Winslow's ear.
It ends with Winslow going back to holding his head together. Hey, at the very least Stantis took the time to draw Winslow four different ways instead of copying and pasting. Too bad he has no clue how to draw his own characters with even a modicum of consistency.
So there you have it: the expanding/contracting "liberal" can't wait for the campaigns to end and the votes to begin because he hates the idea so much that his side might win. Maybe Winslow is one of the new breed I keep hearing about called "Defeatocrats." Lord knows Stantis hopes he's one.
In other news: did you hear they postponed announcing Saddam's verdict until tomorrow? Gee, it's as if the trial the Bush Administration threw together to try him timed it so they could influence the elections. Nah - they'd NEVER do anything like that, right? Right?
November 03, 2006
Such a Human Waste
Hubris?? Is going to win?? THIS election?? HUBRIS??? THIS ELECTION???
Where the fuck has this brain-dead, semi-coherent, helium-balloon-drawing-and-sucking, marker-sniffing, mentally-midgeted, dogmatically-challenged, dumb dope been hiding his head the last six years?
In the TOILET?
[BELOIT]
That's the sound of your head being flushed down the toilet, Scott.
[OSHKOSH]
That's the sound of your characters being flushed down the toilet.
[EAU CLAIRE]
That's the sound of your strip being flushed down the toilet.
[BARABOO]
That's the sound of your career being flushed down the toilet.
Good riddance, turd blossom. Go wallow in the sewer with the human waste you are.
Posted by CJo at 08:16 AM | Comments (2)November 02, 2006
Home of the Snappers
Beloit Flush Crapper.
I just received a spam email telling me the key to financial freedom was "Beloit Flush Crapper" and the next thing you know...it's being published as a cartoon in my local daily newspaper. So either spamails or toilet jokes are being passed off as fake humor in the paper that my fake children read every morning over their fake homemade omelettes and fake juice (with 85% real fruit). And I try so hard to fake raise them to be fake moral. Or perhaps it can be seen as an homage to Walt Kelly, who worked plenty of towns into his Pogos, whatever.
I just can't say for certain. Failing to find any humor in the strip, I'm tempted to just pack up my bags and call the whole thing stupid. Like that one guy (let's call him "Mr. W") who did that thing about the stuff and ended up somewhere doing something about the whatchamacallit and the whatsits that the other guy (let's call him "Mr. Q") didn't have but that Mr. W thought Mr. Q had despite the preponderance of evidence to the contrary and with little to gain but much to lose by confronting him over it. Man, that was stupid.
This just in...sorry, more spambotting. Yellowcake Niger Slamdunk. Whatever that means.
Posted by Sacki at 12:00 AM | Comments (0)November 01, 2006
Civil Disobedience, Stantis-Style
Boy, Stantis is a regular touchtone terrorist, a real righteous Jerky Boy. Today he's taught us how to deal with political campaign telephone calls: HONK.
And previously he taught us how to deal with illegal government wiretapping: WOOONK.
If I were someone contemplating making an unsolicited call to the Stantis household, I would flee in terror, screaming AWWWW, or maybe AHHHHH, or maybe even AWWWWWWWWWA if I was really really scared.
Keep on fighting the power, Stantis! You've taken down Shannen Doherty, Air America, Hillary Clinton, and telemarketers -- all within a span of four days. Who will be your next target? Coffee shop tip cups? Rob Schneider?? Sunday newspaper supermarket circulars???
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAA!!!!!
Posted by CJo at 08:40 AM | Comments (1)
picture courtesy of JB