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November 23, 2006
For Our Friends With The Lockjaw
T'giving.
X-giving.
Columbus Day.
Whatever you call it, I'm sure most of y'all can relate to the inevitable occurrences at the annual event. Since Double-S didn't even bother referencing the Holiday, let's see, via the archives, what Team Shrubville thinks of the rituals.
Football
Football = Fall is a comic strip rule. The falling leaves, the crisp air, Charlie Brown, Lucy.
So what, you may wonder, is an appropriate topic or theme to introduce in late winter? Why, it's the perfect time to sully the Democrats, of course! Duh.
TV
Now back then of course there was no such thing as cable or satellite TV, so I'd have to wait until we passed by a town big enough to have its own television station. And that would mean getting only a few minutes of watchable programming by the time I got the dial set to the right station and the image clear enough to make out what was going on. But man, were those few minutes sweet. I still have that "mini" TV in my closet.
Excessive Eating
I'm too busy working with my hands instead of sitting at a fancy desk with a bag of soy chips and Starbucks coffee to get fat. I'm not calling either of my esteamed broccoli-eating co-writers fat - not by a long shot. I wouldn't want to get them mad and have them sit on me.
Digestion
…we can see the thoughts of the greats on the subject of gaseous eruptions.
George Washington: Our country's honor calls upon us for a vigorous and manly exertion; and if we now shamefully fail, we shall become infamous to the whole world.
Thomas Jefferson: I find the harder I work, the more I have of it.
Theodore Roosevelt: Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.
Jimmy Carter: You can do what you have to do, and sometimes you can do it even better than you think you can.
And finally, in the name of love...
Martin Luther King, Jr.: A right delayed is a right denied.
Curling Up With A Book
At any rate, what I'd like to find out is if Shrubville has any of the same power as Oprah. Therefore, I'm officially announcing February's Shrubville's Books selection: Prickly City by Scott Stantis -- a delightful collection of "comic" strips artlessly sketched with a Sharpie on six rolls of toilet paper.
If just a handful of the handful of Shrubville readers purchase this book, we may see its Amazon ranking rise from 431,575 to at least 431,576...but with a bullet.
(Note: current sales rank - #441,992...with a bullet.)
...thanks be to Scott.
Comments
It's dropped another 40,000, down to #480,385.
Is there a way to search Amazon to see what the 480,384 book is? I bet Stantits is getting outsold by something REALLY obscure.
Posted by: FredN. at November 23, 2006 09:35 AM
On this day I'm thankful that Stantis still thinks Howard Dean scream jokes are funny. Tells me that he's always going to suck - a gift that keeps on giving.
Posted by: The Furnace at November 23, 2006 10:46 AM
