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September 28, 2006
Ripoff Van Winkle
Aw, poor Scott Stantis. He's apparently been asleep for awhile and just woke up to discover that he doesn't recognize his party. While he is able to rub away the crust that has formed around his eyes and scratch his rubby beard, he is as of yet unable to muster up the energy to throw his hands in the air and wave 'em like he just don't care.
There's this little-known scientific theory (hold on, don't bail out on me just yet) called evolution. You see, the Republican Party has evolved since that short period during which you were learned by your teacher in school. See that map above, all shiny red. Oooh. Shiny. Except for those damn liberal Northeasterners. Tax and spend. Spend and spread. Spread and fuck (men only). Tax spend donk. The thing is, that's a map of the vote for the 1932 presidential election; blue = Republican states, red = Democrat states.
In accepting the Republican presidential nomination in 1892, Benjamin Harrison wrote that "it is practically the duty of the educated and influential to help the ignorant and weak when possible."
Teddy Roosevelt said that "we wish to control big business so as to secure among other things good wages for the wage-workers and reasonable prices for the consumers. Wherever in any business the prosperity of the businessman is obtained by lowering the wages of his workmen and charging an excessive price to the consumers we wish to interfere and stop such practices. We will not submit to that kind of prosperity any more than we will submit to prosperity obtained by swindling investors or getting unfair advantages over business rivals."
Dwight Eisenhower wrote in 1954, "Should any political party attempt to abolish social security, unemployment insurance, and eliminate labor laws and farm programs, you would not hear of that party again in our political history. There is a tiny splinter group, of course, that believes you can do these things. Among them are H. L. Hunt (you possibly know his background), a few other Texas oil millionaires, and an occasional politician or business man from other areas. Their number is negligible and they are stupid."
Now those are all good, respectable, all-American sentiments and values which are embraced by Republicans and which the citizens of the greater Prickly City metropolitan complex must be thinking about when they complain about the loss of identity in the G.O.P.
Unless, of course, they're attention-addled and history-impaired and are merely longing for the glory days of six years ago, when their great and present leader, George Bush, gazed around a diamond-studded $800-a-plate crowd and commented on the wealth on display. "This is an impressive crowd - the haves and the have-mores," quipped the GOP standard-bearer. "Some people call you the elites; I call you my base."
Comments
Does anyone know if there was a series of strips from Fall of 2004 when Stantis whined and bitched about the "Republicrats?" Because I don't see anything different about those Republicans and the ones we have now (what, the drunken spending and huge government only happened the last 2 years?), and we all know Stantis voted for Bush.
Posted by: The Furnace at September 28, 2006 01:35 PM
Drunken spending is what I plan on doing tonight; that doesn't make me a Republicrat, tho. It makes me a softball player.
Posted by: Sacki at September 28, 2006 01:38 PM
Oh, for the days of Ronald Reagan. Government was so tiny and adorable back then...
Posted by: Rory at September 28, 2006 07:25 PM
Yes, those days were wonderful! Balanced budgets and fiscal responsiblity ... oh, wait, the budget didn't get balanced until Bill Clinton was president. Never mind.
Posted by: Anonymous at September 28, 2006 09:25 PM
