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August 12, 2006
Tech Wars
Uh oh - Grampa Stantis is still grumpy. While that cantakerous Ted Stevens thinks the internets is a bunch of tubes, Stantis thinks the world is made of yarn. Aww, such a charming punchline - if you're 60.
I can just hear kids across the country tossing aside the business section and searching for the comics page, only to have to ask mommy, "Who's Thomas Friedman? And why is he a so stupid? The world isn't flat! I'm eight and even I know that." Of course I realize that kids aren't reading Shrubville. And if you are, you're very smart, wonderful kids and your parents should be proud. But for the parents out there who also wonder why this Thomas Friedman character is so dumb, he's a regular columnist at the dirty stinky liberal New York Times, which means conservatives have to instantly hate him. He wrote a book called "The World is Flat," which isn't actually about the actual shape of the planet, but how technology is leveling the playing field economically.
Since Stantis hates technology, he therefore must despise Friedman for advocating the use of it. I mean my god - what happens when we give those savages cell phones??? They'll spend all their time communicating with each other! Or worse yet, they'll call us to ask for help when their enemies are committing genocide against them! There's only so many times the folks in Darfur are going to buy our excuse that our cells weren't getting any reception or that the battery died again.
Guys like Stantis only want so much technology in the world. They're fine with people in India being able to handle all of our telemarketing, but he sure doesn't want them having iPods. That would just make them as lazy as us. Or something like that. Personally I don't understand any of this debate, other than I get the feeling the conservatives are realizing that under their "science bad, faith good" policies that the rest of the world isn't just catching us, they're lapping us when it comes to new technologies. Over in Japan they're making androids that look like women, while here we're perfecting rubber versions of porn stars' vaginas. Which makes me wonder - which of those would God approve of the least? But the point is we here in America are getting our collective asses kicked because the people in charge are more worried about gay people getting married than stem cell research. Who wants to cure Parkinson's when lesbos want to get it on? Republicans just say let 'em buy a rubber vagina and be done with it - we don't want to threaten an institution that fails half the time.
My question for Scott Stantis: if you're always two weeks behind the times with your strips today, how far behind would you be without the internets? My lord, we'd still be putting up with Howard Dean scream jokes.
Oh, wait...
