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August 31, 2006
I Think I've Seen This One Before
SYNOPSIS OF TODAY'S STRIP
Carmen, the ultra-conservative "girl of color" with no parents, no home, no job and no education, advises Winslow, the patronizing, condescending and impulsive clown coyote, "it ain't gonna work." And lo and behold, it ain't not workin. "It" being hugs. Blam-0. Book 'em, Danno.
CONSERVATIVE TALKING POINTS TOUCHED UPON
There is nothing we want to see happen in the Middle East that can be accomplished through talking around long tables festooned with bottled water and fresh fruit at Swiss hotels, that cannot be accomplished faster and more permanently through war. But there is plenty that cannot be achieved by such gabfests that can only be achieved through war.
WHY IT'S FUNNY
Nancy Reagan's "Hugs, Not Drugs" doctrine disavowed by conservatives, embraced (if you will) by liberals.
August 30, 2006
Some Common Ground We All Can Agree On: You Suck
I can just imagine the inspiration for this strip: Stantis, marker-ink-drunk, stumbles around his studio late one night. He catches his reflection in the mirror. "Why?" he bellows, "Why do they hate me so?"
No, of course he's not talking about radical Islam/terrorists/desert hamsters. He's talking about us and the legions of Prickly City "haters" out there.
Oh, Scott Stantis, you poor sap. Let me just give you a couple of the reasons why we "hate" you, my man:
1. Your strip is nothing but a vehicle to parrot the Conservative Talking Points, as disseminated to you via the Drudge Report, Newsmax, Fox News, and any administration press conference,
2. Yet you claim NOT to be a lapdog of the administration and use as proof the handful of times you've countered the administration,
3. Those times have been nothing more than kid-glove, limp-wristed-paw swipes, amounting to nothing more than a chuckling "tsk tsk,"
4. You attack liberals (and your detractors) for being unable to criticize the substance of any conservative argument, saying the liberals rely on personal attacks,
5. Yet you constantly make fun of the appearance of liberals with cheap, gloves-off rabbit punches.
6. You've never given an explanation for the disappearance of Dio.
Here endeth the lesson.
Posted by CJo at 08:47 AM | Comments (2)August 29, 2006
Cowboy Bebop Diplomacy, or Talking Never Solved ANYTHING
For our more sensitive readers, I'd like to warn you in advance that you might not want to read the following line I'm about to write in reference to today's Prickly City:
WHAT. THE. FUCK???
Yesterday Stantis set up the false argument used by Karl Rove that the stupid stinky smelly liberals want to talk with terrorists about their feelings and give them therapy. Republicans of course think that dropping lots of bombs is the answer. Well, not them personally - they want the kids of other people to fight their wars for them - but you get the idea. Dems = pussies, Reps = tough guys.
So today the freshly liberal Winslow decides that it's up to him to "start a dialogue" with the desert hamsters.
Let me pause for just a second, because I'm going to need to pick CJo's memory for help on this. When Winslow went off to war in the desert against the hamsters, was there any direct mention that they were just the terrorists? Or that he was fighting against the insurgents as well? You see, this is one of the problems Republicans have. They think that the terrorists and the insurgents are all one in the same, when in fact the terrorists make up about 10 percent of the people fighting over in Iraq. The majority of the other 90 percent are Sunnis who lost power when Saddam was booted, Shi'ite death squads, and Kurds who want their own country. But I guess it's easier to think they're all Al Qaeda.
Anywho, back to PC. Winslow dials a cell phone and gets a message that says the number he just dialed SET OFF A BOMB. He then uses a punchline that hasn't been funny in years.
I don't even know where to begin. I'm guessing Stantis is trying to say that if you try to talk with the enemy, you're embiggening them and they'll just kill more people. Which means, of course, that since you're the one talking with them, YOU'RE JUST AS GUILTY AS THEY ARE. Yup - Winslow is just another terrorist. Just like Ned Lamont.
This kind of thing irritates me to no end. What brought all of this about was the foiling of the British Bombers case. Bush and the Republicans immediately politicized the issue, saying that it showed they were strong on terrorism while Democrats would rather coddle the terrorists. What they left out is the reason British Intelligence was able to catch these guys wasn't because they invaded Pakistan (where they were from) and killed them all. They used a little something called "intelligence" (yup, that means lots of talking) in order to stop them. They even asked the White House to help, and they did - they went and got a warrant and then spied on them, exactly like the Democrats want them to. Geez, you mean the system worked without having to resort to illegally wiretapping the enemy? Guess W's argument doesn't stand up anymore. But you won't hear that in the media or from the White House.
Another thing that bothers me about today's strip: where exactly did this bomb go off? Was a terrorist sitting with it strapped to his chest? Was it in a restaurant somewhere in Baghdad? Was it on a plane flying across the ocean? Has there ever been a good suicide bomber joke? I can tell you right now, this definitely isn't one.
I think the reason Stantis used this as an example was because W said the following in a press conference: "I would surmise that some of the more spectacular bombings are done by al Qaeda suiciders." Now Bush doesn't have any proof whatsoever that this is the case, but he said it so people continually think that Iraq = 9/11. If Republicans knew that the odds (9 to 1) are much more likely that the suicide bombers are Iraqis killing fellow Iraqis then it might be a lot harder to justify staying there. Oh, wait, they're already figuring that out.
I'm surprised. You'd think that since things are getting so bad for the Republicans and their continual false arguments, use of straw men, and outright lies it would be hard for a guy who claims he's not a Republican (he's a conservative, dontcha know) to do a strip like this. But nope - it seems as though Scott Stantis just picks up the RNC talking points and says what the Republicans want him to say. Just like the rest of the media.
August 28, 2006
Would someone tell this jerkwad to go hammer a what up his what. I can't help but "sneer at you," Stantis.
Now quit wasting our time with this claptrap and go be funny and politically relevant again.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Posted by CJo at 09:27 AM | Comments (1)August 27, 2006
I Would've Voted For Kodos Anyway
Ugh. Winslow tries to fly. Again. I'm hoping for the day when he actually does fly, since that'll mean Prickly City is over.
And what can be said about today's strip? Winslow runs out with three basketballs yelling about soaring. He leaps, crashes, and we see that he was actually carrying a ping pong paddle. Carmen shows up with what I'm guessing is a first aid kit, but it's the first one I've ever seen with a circle around the cross. Bleh.
What could Stantis have done instead of yet another "meh" flying strip? That leads me to the big question I've had all summer:
Whatever happened to Carmen and Winslow running against each other for mayor of Prickly City?
Maybe Stantis is waiting for November, but I doubt it. I think it's because he's afraid to have Winslow actually be a full-blown Democrat, especially at a time when he needs someone to stand in for Republicans. You know, someone to say stupid stuff like "Macaca." Obviously that can't be Carmen, and since we still don't have a legitimate third party candidate in Prickly City to mix things up it's going to have to be Winslow the Fall Guy yet again.
I was looking forward to a storyline about the mayoral race. It could have run over several weeks, and if Stantis were smart he could have worked in current events along the way. Can you imagine if he had started it when the Lamont/Lieberman primary was going down? It would have given "extreme liberal" Winslow hope he could win, but then Carmen would remind him that he's the one that supported the war against the desert hamsters so he's more like Lieberman than Lamont.
Oh, wait, what? Winslow, who was crowing about the Ned "Al Qaeda" Lamont win actually would have supported Joe Lieberman for Lieberman candidacy since they agree on the war in Iraq? Jeez, no wonder Stantis is afraid to pull the trigger on the mayoral race - he's confused his characters so much that there won't be any way to follow what the heck they stand for in the end.
So instead this week we'll get Carmen standing around self-righteously saying, "Hey, did you hear about how George W. Bush single-handedly stopped British terrorists from blowing up planes with liquids using his "illegal" spying program?"
WInslow should say in response, "You mean British intelligence, working with the government of Pakistan, foiled the plot. And the when the British approached the U.S. government for assistance, they actually got warrants - like they're supposed to - in order to do the spying, which is what Democrats have wanted all along. And that W actually pressured the Brits to reveal the plot long before they wanted to, just to distract from Ned Lamont's win in Connecticut. Oh, and are you referring to the spying program that a judge in Detroit has deemed illegal and ordered to have it stopped immediately. That's what you're talking about, right?"
Instead Winslow will stand there and say something stupid like, "Duhhh, I'm a stupid Democrat, duhhh, and I have a 9/10 mentality, duhhh, and we want the terrorists to invade our country and kill our families because we're stupid stinky liberals who hate America, duhhhhhh."
Seriously, that's what Scott Stantis thinks of Democrats. And he's not alone. He thinks people on the left WANTED those terrorists in Englad to succeed and blow up planes, because we hate George W. Bush THAT MUCH.
Ultimately I think it's more fun to imagine what Prickly City should be like instead of actually reading it. The real thing is just one disappointment after another. Just like the Bush Presidency.
August 26, 2006
Fall Lineup
It's a nothing strip today. Winslow melts in the hot summer desert sun. I'm sure if I tried I could talk about global warming, but feh.
Instead, I'd like to try something different. With the fall TV season starting it got me to thinking: what would our favorite television shows be like if they were based on Washington politics? Let's take a look at the lineup on our newest cable network: WHTV.
Prison Break: With his brother Jack Abramoff in prison for a crime he did commit, Tom DeLay gets arrested and convicted (for a crime he's actually guilty of) and put in the same prison. Tom has an elaborate plan to break both of them out, along with their cellmates Scooter Libby and Ken Lay (oops, I guess we know which one dies in the season opener). Just as they scale the wall, they discover that President Bush has already pardoned all of them.
Supernatural: The Relgious Right team up to fight a boogeyman that threatens their entire world: global warming. Despite record heatwaves and the support of every respectable scientist in the world, the Righties believe that denial is their greatest weapon against melting glaciers.
America's Funniest Home Videos: Watch as Republican George Felix Allen Jr. is so stupid he calls a guy WITH A VIDEO CAMERA an ethnic slur! Watch as Republican Tramm Hudson says on video that blacks can't swim! You never know what these racist conservatives will say even after they realize someone is taping everything they're saying.
Deal or No Deal: Host George W. Bush puts forward all kinds of legislation in front of Congress and they have to decide: "Deal, or no deal?" They say "deal" every time. The alternate version, where President Bush poses the same question to the American public, ends with the people saying "no deal" every time, but that was deemed too negative by the White House.
Vanished: The story of the surplus Bill Clinton handed to President Bush. Also, the good will the world showed us after 9/11.
Law & Order: DC: In the first half hour the President breaks the law time and time again, in the second half hour the media and Congress help to keep him from being put on trial for his crimes.
Heroes: Russ Feingold, Ned Lamont, and other Democrats do their best to fight off the evil Republican machine led by their arch enemy Karl Rove. Rove's superpowers include the ability to control the minds of half the country into believing everything he says.
Help Me Help You: Katherine Harris helps George Bush steal the 2000 election - will Georgie help her win her bid for a Florida Senate seat despite her clearly being horny and insane? Maybe she'll get help from her new friend Joe Lieberman - he's getting plenty of help from the Republicans even though he's supposedly a Democrat.
20 Good Years: Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, and President Bush spend the hour explaining to us their "strategy" in Iraq. Afghanistan is never mentioned.
So there you have it - the new fall lineup courtesy of the politics of today. Which show would you watch? And what would you like to see as a mid-season replacement? Me, I'd love to see more shows about Democrats in there - maybe in November.
(PS: I couldn't come up with a good Veronica Mars example, but damn if I'm not going to wedge that pic onto this site somehow.)
August 25, 2006
I Was Publicly Educated
[to the tune of "I Wanna Be Sedated"]
Twenty-twenty-twenty-four hours to go
until I'm publicly educated
Ask me who McGovern was I'll say I don't know
I was publicly educated
Just get me to the airport and send me to Georgia
I must avenge the loss of Cindy McKenna
When you ask me why all I can say is "du-uh"
Oh no oh oh oh ohhh
Twenty-twenty-twenty-four is as high as I count
I was publicly educated
In Florida and Ohio I just want a recount
I was publicly educated
Shout it from the rooftops, "I'm a lefty lefty loon"
Let's cut and run in Iraq and bring them home too soon
I'll make sure to bring my bat when I take off for the moon
Oh no oh oh oh ohhh
Bamp-ba-ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba-ba-ba
I was publicly educated
Bamp-ba-ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba-ba-ba
I was publicly educated
August 24, 2006
Not The Sharples Crayon In The Box
The speed of idiocy is swift and its lunatic course follows a non-linear path. Maintaining a trail on the heels of the fool who derives pleasure from plodding on that road is difficult and unwise.
Today's P.C. begins with a huh? and ends with a what? It starts out carrying through on yesterday's 9/10 Democrats, proceeds to invoke the 10/6 Mad Hatters, and then follows that up with the $1.99 Minnie Pearls.
At that point, it appears that 3/4 of the strip was completed and put aside for completion later, and when he got back to it he has half in the can. That would explain the out of the blue potshot taken which appears to bring out the loathing he holds for the publically educated, of which he is one. To refresh your memory, "Scott enrolled at Los Angeles Community College and California State University, Long Beach...being kicked out of the latter." I'm sure he coulda been much more than a cartoonist, if they hadn't allowed all those women to attend school. Or Mexicans. Or Blacks. Or Asians. Yeah, that's it. And now those publically educated fools who ain't know nothin is running the big flat world and it's vic tayback time.
Posted by Sacki at 09:28 AM | Comments (6)August 23, 2006
9/10 Democrats
Boy, Stantis is on the cutting edge of this catchphrase: 9/10 Democrats. There are only 53 Google hits for it. And he's already used it in two political cartoons (see above). Maybe, oh just maybe, we'll get to see him use it this week in Prickly City.
Whether it's a Donkey or an aging Baby Boomer hipster with a pony-tail and a goatee, all the 9/10 Democrats have one thing in common: they support Ned Lamont, the candidate those al-Qaida types want you to vote for.
So make sure to listen to Scott Stantis and Dick Cheney as they try to bully and scare you into voting for Lieberman or any other candidate. They and all those 8/6 Republicans know best.
August 22, 2006
Al Gore = Votes (Unless the Conservative Supreme Court Says He Doesn't)
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!
Wait, wait - let me make sure I'm getting this - Scott Stantis wants us to believe that Al Gore - AL GORE!!! - not supporting Joe Lieberman is why Joe-mentum lost in his Connecticut primary?
Oh man, that's ripe. How hysterical is it that Stantis, who considers Gore a whiny loser who's insane to believe in this wacky "global warming," thinks Al had that big of an effect on the vote? Dude, which is it - Gore's a huge political force, or a wimp that you like to draw as a fat dork?
Maybe Scott hasn't noticed that the Joe Lieberman of 2000 isn't the same Joe Lieberman in 2006. Joe worked with Dick Cheney to rewrite the energy policy that Gore opposes so the corporations can make a bigger profit. Joe happily supported the nomination of Judge Alito - I have a feeling Gore would have opposed it strongly. Joe has yet to speak out against Bush's illegal wiretapping - Gore was one of the first to come out and speak against it.
And, of course, there's the war in Iraq. Gore adamantly opposed it. Lieberman adamantly supports it.
So who does Al Gore have more in common with now, Joe Lieberman - who's being supported by the Republicans in his "Lieberman for Lieberman" "independent" candidacy - or Ned Lamont, who also opposes the war, Cheney's energy policy, Judge Alito, and illegally spying on us?
It's awesome to watch the Republicans' spew their hatred of Democrats all over the conservative media, yet when Joe Lieberman - who's a DINO (Democrat in Name Only) - gets defeated it's a victory for Al Qaeda and the "extreme liberals" in the Democratic party. You know, the extremists that actually believe the same things that the majority of Americans believe (60% currently oppose the war in Iraq, which was the main issue Ned Lamont was running on).
Or maybe Gore didn't throw his support behind Joe Lieberman because George W. Bush took the time to plant a wet sloppy kiss on his favorite "Democrat." Would you support a candidate that was once your running mate but now fully embraces the policies of the guy that cheated to beat you in the election?
To quote Vince McMahon: Al Gore didn't screw Joe Lieberman, Joe Lieberman screwed Joe Lieberman. And he's making out with George Bush while giving a hand job to Dick Cheney (Vince didn't say that last part).
Oh, one other thing: Carmen says "Elephants never forget." The party of the elephant seems to have forgotten that their candidate W ran as a moderate Republican in 2000. Anybody here still think that's the case? That's another thing Joe and Bush have in common - they're sure as hell not moderates anymore.
Posted by The Furnace at 07:14 AM | Comments (2)
August 21, 2006
Incredible Mr. Limp
Did you hear about the controversy surrounding the Joe Lieberman campaign? Turns out years ago he may have experimented with charisma.
It's so true.
Meanwhile, Country Joe asks for and recieves the ol' "F"..."U"..."C"..."K"..."Y"..."O"..."U"... chant up and running while starting up the Connecticut for Lieberman party. That's modest, and not at all self-aggrandizing.
CFL is, by definition, the property that a finite-difference approximation is formulated in such a way that it has access to the information that is required to determine the solution of the corresponding differential equation; violating this condition leads to a numerical instability. As an example, suppose the solution to the differential equation is a wave traveling at speed c. If a finite-difference approximation is only able to access information on its grid that is traveling at speeds less than c, it violates the CFL condition and it will not be able to approximate the solution of the differential equation.
So, as I understand it (that is, not at all), violating the "CFL condition...will not be able to approximate the solution." I sure hope that Al Gore thought of that before he turned his back on Joe. It's an inconvenient truth for Al Gore, but truly - the earth is in the balance.
Posted by Sacki at 10:24 AM | Comments (3)August 20, 2006
The Moyas!
I'm trying to figure out who's dumber: Carmen, Winslow, or me for reading this strip and writing about it.
It was only a month ago that Winslow took the time to explain that he does not sweat - he cools himself by panting. So today Carmen shaves off his fur in an effort to cool him. What, is she the biggest idiot in Prickly City? Or does she have a terrible memory? It's hard to tell if Winslow agreed to go along with this, or if Stupid Carmen shaved him without permission. Then again I'm the one who read it and am now bitching about it, so it's a close race between Carmen and me for the Moron of the Year Award (or the Moyas for short). Eh, who am I kidding - Carmen wins. I may be a moron, but at least I didn't vote for W.
Hey, that gives me an idea. Who else should win a Moya? We'll keep it to the past month so Carmen has a chance of remembering who we're talking about.
The Dumbest Racist Award goes to George Felix Allen Jr. in a walk. It's not just that he referred to someone using the ethnic slur "Macaca," it's that he said it to the guy WHILE THE GUY WAS VIDEOTAPING HIM. Next time if you want to deny being a racist at least make sure there isn't video evidence of it.
The Stupidest Republican in Connecticut Award goes to Joe Lieberman, who doesn't understand that once you lose in the primary, then the proper thing to do - since your own party members don't want you - is to support the guy in your party that did win. Look for The Stupidest Voters in the Country Award to go to the folks in Connecticut if they actually re-elect him in the fall as the "Lieberman for Lieberman" candidate.
The Dumbest President Award will always go to George W. Bush, but it's fun to come up with different reasons why. I'm going with his reaction to a judge in Detroit saying his warrantless wiretapping is illegal and needs to be stopped. Check out the video at around the 1:20 mark. Either W had trouble with his earpiece, or he went off script and didn't know how to get back on.
The Dumbest RNC Chairman Award belongs to Ken Mehlman, who thinks a new slogan ("Adapt to win") is going to win the war in Iraq. Personally I think a real military and political strategy would be a better way to go, but Republicans can't be bothered with details like that.
The Moronic Media Outlet Award goes to every cable news channel in America. The President's illegal spying program is ordered to be stopped, but what's the big news? A 10-year-old murder case where everyone presumed the parents guilty but now they're all leaping to the conclusion that this new guy did it. I swear to god that MSNBC this morning had "breaking news" that the accused's plane was AT THE END OF THE RUNWAY IN THAILAND. That's right - it's big news that this guy's plane was about to take off. War in Iraq? A broken cease-fire between Israel and Lebanon? Who needs it when we have other stories to distract us from the real issues of the day? Don't be shocked that the day another buddy of Bush's is indicted that someone comes forward in the Natalee Holloway case.
The Dumbest Country Award, in a shocker, goes to England and the rest of the Brits. Sure they broke up an accused terror plot to blow up planes flying to the United States (the perennial winner of this award), but due to pressure from the U.S. they went ahead and busted the guys way before they should have. But what's more important - covering up Lieberman's loss to Lamont, or having enough evidence to actually convict these guys? So far none of the suspects have been charged with any crimes.
Dumbest Oil Company? BP of course for letting one of their oil pipelines in Alaska to get so bad they'll have to shut it down, limiting the supply which will raise prices even more. I mean, it's not like they've got billions of dollars in profits every year to fix things like that.... Then again maybe they're not so stupid, and that Dumbest Country Award should be shared with the Americans that voted for W and his oil buddies.
I could go on and on with these. We've got Dick Cheney and others calling Ned Lamont the Al Qaeda candidate. Another racist congressman talked about how African-Americans can't swim. And so on. But you know we have to include one last big one...
We proudly announce that Scott Stantis has once again been named Stupidest Comic Strip Writer. There are oh so many reasons, but I'm going with his thinking we'd forget that it was only a month ago that Winslow explained he doesn't sweat so shaving off his hair is a stupid idea. Nothing like forgetting your own storylines, Scott. Scott Stantis: you're the Stupidest Comic Strip Writer in the World!
(On a side note, why does that rock formation on the right look like a cell phone?)
August 19, 2006
Wanted: Comic Strip Writer - Must Be Funny. Scott Stantis Need Not Apply
My first reaction upon reading today's Prickly City: what the f*ck am I supposed to do with this sh*t?
Winslow is counting on faith? And he's counting on steroids, even though Carmen is the one who was tempted to take them in a past storyline? And what the hell do steroids have to do with a ball of twine? The set up's okay, but the punchline makes zero sense. Welcome to Prickly City. Coming soon: a new writer, hopefully. We here at Shrubville are going to skip the faith and steroids and just hope that editors around the country realize this guy doesn't make any sense AND he's not funny.
"But the funny pages need a conservative voice," Stantis supporters might say. "We need a Republican there to balance all of the stinky smelly liberals." But does Stantis really represent those views anymore? I don't think he even knows.
He opposes embryonic stem cell research, while the majority of Americans support federally funding it. Although I will admit that the people who think this debate is the equivalent of "take a life to save a life" would be on the extreme right. Which leads me to ask Mr. Stantis this hypothetical question: You're in a fertility clinic. In one corner, a frozen petri dish filled with 12 fertilized eggs. In another corner, a 2 year old girl. A fire breaks out. You can only save one. Which do you save?
Of course Stantis and the like "don't do hypotheticals." It's too hard to justify in their minds that in order to believe what they do, they'd have to leave behind the baby and save a frozen petri dish that's just going to be thrown in the garbage anyway.
Then Stantis went into the whole "Republicans are out of ideas and the Democrats never had any" spiel. Note to Scott: having the opposite idea doesn't mean you don't have any ideas. Republicans want to "stay the course" in Iraq. Democrats oppose it. You know, like most Americans.
Correction: according to RNC Chairman Ken Mehlman, the Republicans have "changed course" in Iraq. They now want to "adapt and win," whatever that means. It doesn't mean withdrawing troops though like the majority of Americans - and Democrats - want.
And today we get a stupid ball of twine where once again Winslow has faith and Carmen looks on like a doofus.
Scott Stantis needs to accept that he's out of the mainstream. It's not 2004, when he and other neo-cons were riding the Fear Train and acting like they ruled the world. People support embryonic stem cell research. They don't like the way Republicans are running the country. In fact, they favor Democrats in the 2006 elections. Americans realize that they were lied to in order to go to war in Iraq, they know that "stay the course" or "adapt to win" are just talking points, and they want our troops to start coming home. And Americans want funny comic strips with characters that don't flip flop every other day.
In other words Scott, they don't want you.
And I don't want to listen to the podcast, so if anyone does feel free to clue us in as to how Mr. Stantis wants to explain yet again how we're all stupid because we don't see his brilliance. Hey - he's just like President Bush! Wrong on Iraq, wrong on stem cells, wrong on tax cuts for the rich - the list goes on and on! Well at least we know Scott will always have one fan.
August 18, 2006
Sleight Of Hand or Thick In Head
Ah, smooth move, cartoonist extrodinaire: "The Republicans seem to have run out of ideas" whereas the Democrats "have...no ideas." What would we do without the wisdom of Prickly City? I have no idea.
The GOPers have plenty of tricks up their sleeves. They're as clever as Doug Henning faking his death so that he could fake the death of JonBenet Ramsey and win a $5 bet with David Copperfield.
As far as no new ideas, here's what Bruce Lee's ghost institute had to say about the elephants:
A sharp contrast is evident when comparing Reagan and Bush on spending. While both boosted defense outlays during their first three years in office, Reagan offset that increase with a 13 percent cut in real discretionary nondefense spending. By contrast, Bush has increased nondefense spending by more than 20 percent in real terms.
Elephants indeed. Once they put the pink elephant of smaller government in your mind, you can't stop thinking that it's so. Now I'm getting sleepy...sleepy...sleepy....
Posted by Sacki at 08:38 AM | Comments (2)August 17, 2006
They Am Wee
I was wondering how I was going to follow up yesterday's entry in which CJo complained about the retardedized Stem Cell debate being equated with a pre-fetus glob of a cell or two (which is destined for the garbage dump) with a 12-year-old kid who is about to be pulverized and then he realized that there's no follow-up to that.
What a let down for him, of course. And for me, also, since I was hoping to harness the awe-inspiring power of Thematics© by R. Lon Shrubbard.
Absent such a spoon-bending higher power to which to turn, however, I'm as lost as a canine in the desert stuck choosing between the people-fed up Democrats and Republicans. Apparently they got their people-feed-up by mashing up 12-year-old kids, so I hear.
So it's up to Winslow as a Caninite to lead the way through the void as a third-party candidate. Even after his bid for a Cabinet position fell through. And the news anchor position. I'd suggest he ABORT this latest exercise in futlity, but focus groups will tell him otherwise.
Anyhow, to wrap it all up, as one is wont to do at the end, in a story I broke nearly a year ago we learned that "the biggest shocker...Winslow is apparently Jewish...So the lovable liberal coyote clown who hangs out with and whose values are slowly being eroded by the nattering con-tot...Yeah, Winslow Lieberman sounds about right." No Future Goggles© required, Phil Collins.
Posted by Sacki at 09:48 AM | Comments (1)August 16, 2006
A Culture of Hypocrisy Thing
I was wondering how Stantis was going to follow up yesterday's strip in which he retardedized the Stem Cell debate by equating a pre-fetus glob of a cell or two (which is destined for the garbage dump) with a 12-year-old kid who is about to be pulverized.
Well, as is obvious, there's no follow-up to that. Besides, of course, banging your head against a wall and gurgling your own saliva.
So instead he plays his Hypocritical Dickhead card and decides to stick it to the Democrats with his whole "smirk, openly ridicule, offer no new ideas and pray for failure" gambit.
Newsflash, Hypocritical Dickhead: That's how you and other "conservatives" made hay in the 90's. Hammering away on Clinton. Calling him names. Calling him fat. Smirking at his marriage. Ridiculing his background. Cigar cigar cigar cigar. Honor and dignity lost forever. Bring 'em chubby and thonged.
So, like, Scott, if you're listening: Fuck you, you hypocritical dickhead.
Posted by CJo at 09:20 AM | Comments (6)August 15, 2006
A Culture of Life Thing
It's a culture of life thing
You heathens wouldn't understand
We equate discarded embryos
With every child, woman, and man
It's a culture of life thing
We protect the unborn but not death-row beasts
Or the Iraqis or the Afghanis or
Frankly, anyone in the Middle East
It's a culture of life thing
We decide to embrace Terri Schiavo
And we try and we try and we try
To wake her up before she goes-goes
It's a culture of life thing
We all live until buried in dirt
We all must come to Choose Life
Like it says on George Michael's shirt
August 14, 2006
RESOLVED: That politicians shall define all scientific terms
Ohyesindeed. Such conflict. Such angst. This is a searing debate. [Sigh.] Brain-taxing, this discussion.
If I may offer some unsolicited yet frank & ernest [sic] advice to Scott Stantis. Don't worry your ugly little head about this issue. It's best to leave this debate up to the deep thinkers who can define what a "human life" is. No, not the scientists. I'm talking about politicians, of course. Politicians shall define for me what is a "human life." If politicians decide on my behalf that a soon-to-be-discarded embryo is a "human life" then goddamnit it's a human life. End. of. Story. The. End. Finis.
Open debate should be left to high school kids to practice in clubs. There certainly isn't a use or need for it in modern American life.
Posted by CJo at 08:00 AM | Comments (2)August 13, 2006
WWCTD? (What Would Cecil Terwilliger Do?)
I'm not a comedian. I'm not a comic strip artist. I am a writer, and I've attempted to write comedy before. And I am a filmmaker, and I've done some comedy in the past. While some would question if I'm actually funny, I believe that over the years I've been exposed to enough people who are professionally funny to have an understanding of how a "bit" works.
Take the banana gag for instance. You show someone eat a banana. Then you see them toss the peel on the ground. An unsuspecting passerby - usually someone pompous - walks by, oblivious, steps on the banana, slips and falls on their butt. Because people getting hurt - but not really hurt - can be funny.
Or the pie gag. One person throws the pie at his foe, the foe steps aside, and a rich, snotty patron of the restaurant gets plastered with the pie, looking indignant while wiping the banana cream only out of their eyes with their forefingers (like wiper blades). Maybe they taste it.
This leads me to today's Prickly City, and what appears to be Scott Stantis's theory on comedy. How would Stantis approach the above two classic comedy skits?
Winslow eats a banana. He sets the peel on the ground. Takes a few steps back, then walks on the banana peel, slipping on it and falling down.
Winslow picks up a pie. Throws it into his own face. Stands there with the pie in his face, waiting for the laugh.
Now some people might find that humorous - to each his or her own - but it doesn't make me laugh. When today's strip ends, the reader realizes that Winslow had to have been standing inside that loopty-loop rock formation for the ball to have circled around and hit him in the back after swinging.
Why would he stand under the rock and swing? He knows it's just going to bounce off the rock and hit him. Is this funny because it hits him in the butt?
Here's my suggestion on salvaging this strip? Spend the first panel with Winslow saying, "Do I have to?" Carmen responds with someone along the lines of, "If you don't, you'll suffer the penalty." Winslow swings, the ball ricochets all around, then whacks CARMEN in the back of the head. Then end it on a zinger with Winslow saying, "Fore?"
I don't know, maybe everyone else thinks that Stantis's way is funnier. Maybe I'm too much of a realist, and it's hard for me to see the funny in Winslow standing there, knowing if he hits the ball it's going to bounce back, and when he does and gets hit that it's somehow humorous. Maybe I'm too cynical and I should stick to the political commentary.
And if that's the case, my only comment is that this is a great metaphor for Republican voters - you knew what you were getting into when you swung the club and voted for Bush, so don't bitch about it now that you're suffering for it. The rest of us get to bitch because he's not just hurting you, he's hurting all of us.
Now that's NOT funny.
August 12, 2006
Tech Wars
Uh oh - Grampa Stantis is still grumpy. While that cantakerous Ted Stevens thinks the internets is a bunch of tubes, Stantis thinks the world is made of yarn. Aww, such a charming punchline - if you're 60.
I can just hear kids across the country tossing aside the business section and searching for the comics page, only to have to ask mommy, "Who's Thomas Friedman? And why is he a so stupid? The world isn't flat! I'm eight and even I know that." Of course I realize that kids aren't reading Shrubville. And if you are, you're very smart, wonderful kids and your parents should be proud. But for the parents out there who also wonder why this Thomas Friedman character is so dumb, he's a regular columnist at the dirty stinky liberal New York Times, which means conservatives have to instantly hate him. He wrote a book called "The World is Flat," which isn't actually about the actual shape of the planet, but how technology is leveling the playing field economically.
Since Stantis hates technology, he therefore must despise Friedman for advocating the use of it. I mean my god - what happens when we give those savages cell phones??? They'll spend all their time communicating with each other! Or worse yet, they'll call us to ask for help when their enemies are committing genocide against them! There's only so many times the folks in Darfur are going to buy our excuse that our cells weren't getting any reception or that the battery died again.
Guys like Stantis only want so much technology in the world. They're fine with people in India being able to handle all of our telemarketing, but he sure doesn't want them having iPods. That would just make them as lazy as us. Or something like that. Personally I don't understand any of this debate, other than I get the feeling the conservatives are realizing that under their "science bad, faith good" policies that the rest of the world isn't just catching us, they're lapping us when it comes to new technologies. Over in Japan they're making androids that look like women, while here we're perfecting rubber versions of porn stars' vaginas. Which makes me wonder - which of those would God approve of the least? But the point is we here in America are getting our collective asses kicked because the people in charge are more worried about gay people getting married than stem cell research. Who wants to cure Parkinson's when lesbos want to get it on? Republicans just say let 'em buy a rubber vagina and be done with it - we don't want to threaten an institution that fails half the time.
My question for Scott Stantis: if you're always two weeks behind the times with your strips today, how far behind would you be without the internets? My lord, we'd still be putting up with Howard Dean scream jokes.
Oh, wait...
August 11, 2006
I'm Ted Stevens, and I Approve This Message
(CJo has been called away on important Shrubville business and is currently standing in line at the airport waiting to have his Coke poured out because we're much safer now than we were five years ago. He'll be back soon.)
After those angry, Howard Dean-loving hippies (now known as "bloggers) smeared our heroic little Joe Lieber-Carmen, she takes her message to the streets. Down with technology! Get this little PROTESTOR a bigger sign!
Who's the hippie now, Carmen?
It's not a terrible gag. People do talk on their cell phones and drive at the same time way too often, and it is a big nuisance. But come on Stantis - just give it a rest already. Do you realize how out of step you sound when you do strips like this? I'll give you a hint - you're one step lower on the coolness ladder than our good friend Senator Ted Stevens.
OH. MY. GOD.
What if this isn't about Scott Stantis being a grumpy old man? What if there's another motivation? What if Mr. Stantis is using his strip as one big advertisement?
Any idea what comes out in theaters today?
Check out this description of Pulse from the Yahoo Movies site:
Imagine our wireless technologies made a connection to a world beyond our own. Imagine that world used that technology as a doorway into ours. Now, imagine that the connection we made can't be shut down. When you turn on your cell phone or log on to your e-mail, they'll get in, you'll be infected and they'll be able to take from you what they don¹t have anymore - life.
Did Scott Stantis sell out? Or is this just some big coincidence? I think this is a job for our ruthless commentators - can you guys dig up if Stantis has any connection to this movie? I'm curious if one of his publishers passed along a "suggestion" to go after technology the week of the 11th.
Ha ha ha. That would require Scott to plan ahead, and we know he'd never do that.
August 10, 2006
Faiku #7: E-Bay, I-Pod, or G-ddamn
Godspeed gadget fast
But let them there internets
Carry the message
August 09, 2006
You're Out of Touch; I'm Out of Time
Look out, world. Carmen is coming after your black [space] berries and your lap [space] tops.
With her passion on the technology issue, maybe she should lobby congress to propose a Constitutional Amendment to ban 'gadgets.' Or at least to deem that gadgets can only be used to look at heterosexual pornography, worship God, and order goods at Wal-Mart.
And while she's at it, maybe she can convince Joe Lieberman (now that he'll have so much free time) to re-take up the cause of bad language, sex, and violence in popular culture. Their first target should be an animal-punching, "crud"-exclaiming little girl and her bestiality-fiend coyote friend.
Posted by CJo at 09:20 AM | Comments (1)August 08, 2006
Phasers Set On Pun
It's been a while since I was in English class, but is that a pun at the end of today's PC? Ugh. It's too early in the day for puns. It's ALWAYS too early for puns.
So yeah, it's a week of hating technology. I keep thinking I've seen this strip before, but I'm not sure if it's because it's a repeat or Stantis drew an old one over again and changed the wording slightly. But Carmen wants us to throw off the chains of technology and free ourselves from being able to do things like communicate with each other. And like Annie pointed out yesterday being able to call 911 from pretty much anywhere if there's an emergency. Not like those good ol' days when we didn't even have 911. Lousy Democrats.
I've never understood Stantis's point. He wants us to give up talking on the phone and via the internet, I guess because he wants us to talk more to each other in person. But who has the time to do that anymore? With this wonderful (please add sarcasm) economy parents are working more than ever and they have less to show for it. At least now now if mom is running late at her second job she can call Timmy on his cell and let him know she'll be late to pick him up from soccer practice and not have to rely on the school janitor to forward the message to him since she had to call the pay phone in the school lobby. And Timmy has access to more information at home than ever before - if it's 10pm on a school night and he still needs to know the state flower of Texas for the report due tomorrow, a quick google answers the question (the bluebonnet).
As I've mentioned before, this is just Stantis and other neo-cons being desperate to return to the 1950s. But not the real 1950s - the glorified images they've put into their brains based on TV shows and fractured memories. Mom, Dad, big brother, little sister, riding around in the family station wagon, dinner on the table at 5pm sharp, little league, apple pie, blah blah blah.
The Cold War doesn't exist in their memories. Neither does North Korea. Or the three (yes, three) recessions under Ike. Civil Rights? What were those? They sound as made up as rights for women.
Maybe he's right. Maybe if we stopped talking on the phone and just talked face to face things wouldn't be so bad in this country. What if Bush actually had to go to Iraq and talk with the people to get their views before invading? Then he would have known more than six weeks beforehand that there are actually three different sects within the country (he didn't know there were Kurds, Sunnis, and Shi'ites in January 2003). Or what would have happened if Conde Rice had actually gone into Lebanon last week as scheduled? I'm sure John Foster Dulles would have gone in there. If we had members of our intelligence agency actually go to Niger to find out if they were selling Saddam enriched uranium yellowcake then maybe we could have prevented the invasion for WMDs. (Oops - we did that - didn't matter.)
I hope by the end of the week Scott explains just what he's hoping to accomplish. I doubt very much that commuters sitting on the subway are going to start chatting because they don't have a blackberry to tell them the news of the day. Maybe Scott hopes that his children will race home from the swimming hole and throw their arms around him and sit and listen to Uncle Milty on the radio while they eat s'mores by the fireplace. Ah, those were the days.
Mind you, Scott Stantis is also the person who advocates punching someone in the face if you disagree with them. So maybe talking with him face to face isn't such a good idea. Unless you brace yourself for a sucker punch.
Posted by The Furnace at 07:25 AM | Comments (1)
August 07, 2006
Scott Stantis: Gadget Inspector
I see Scott comes from the Ted Stevens School of Technology. 'Dem fancy GADGETS like IM and email are going to mess up society. I think we all should send Stantis an internet to his IM. Those IMs are handy for receiving internets. I'm surprised he didn't take his IM with him when he went on vacation. However, maybe he took his email with him. An email is just as good at receiving internets as an IM is.
In other news, if you love (to hate) Prickly City, you might also find yourself loving (to hate) Mallard Fillmore. This site takes Fillmore and Fillmore's creator Bruce Tinsley to task. Enjoy.
Posted by CJo at 10:18 AM | Comments (2)August 06, 2006
Scott Stantis is a Big Man
Well, at least he didn't draw her as fat.
Today Nancy Pelosi, the Democratic House Minority Leader, is the subject of Scott Stantis's poison pen. She joins the ranks of Michael Moore (fat slob), Howard Dean (fat and crazy), and Ted Kennedy (fat drunk). Apparently right wing bloggers love to make fun of Pelosi's appearance, usually focusing on a debate of whether or not she's a had a facelife or botox injections. Guess it's easier than actually trying to justify their support of the policies of George W. Bush.
What irritates me so much about today's strip is because it's the easiest, cheapest, and meanest way to try and illicit a laugh. Yeah I've made fun of Stantis's bow tie, but that's a choice he makes in apparel - not the way the guy's face looks (and I don't consider saying he looks like Tim Allen an insult in the least). So yeah Scott, be proud of yourself. You made fun of a woman's face. Bravo.
However I will give credit to Stantis for figuring out yet another way to be lazy by repeating the same drawing seven times.
I would slap on the Future Goggles but with the Stantis vacation I have no clue if it's going to be repeats or if Stantis did twice as many strips before he left for Dollywood. Who am I kidding - get ready for a week of wrecking balls, Winslow flying, and Carmen thinking she's better than everyone else. And we're the only ones that'll notice that Stantis is gone.
August 05, 2006
Before and After
I'm starting to think that either Scott Stantis has multiple personalities or he's having Toby draw half of his comic strips every day.
Take today's strip. In the first panel an obese Carmen says, "Winslow thinks he can fly." Yet it was only yesterday when she was asked Winslow why he wants to fly so badly and he told her "because I can't." Therefore Winslow KNOWS he can't fly - he wants what he can't have, like most of us. So what the hell is Carmen talking about?
Maybe it's another case of Stantis coming up with what he thinks is a funny punchline (flap flap) and working backwards, and who cares where it goes back to as long as he gets to use it. To top things off by the last panel Carmen has dropped about thirty pounds. Maybe all of that flapping burned off the calories, who knows. You'd think after over a year of this Stantis would know how to draw his own characters - unless Toby or someone else is actually drawing the strip now.
That might explain Stantis's constant flip flops and lies to justify why he does what he does. He's just covering for the other guy, and so his bosses don't fire him because he's not doing his job. Other than the part about being funny, I mean. For some reason that doesn't seem to be a requirement for this gig. I'd bitch about that but Family Circus hasn't been funny...well, ever.
Hopefully Stantis can clear things up for us when he gets back from his vacation at Dinosaur Adventure Land. Maybe he can explain the "evolution," if you will, of his strip.
In the meantime, a question for our faithful readers: while Prickly City has always sucked, it's sucking more than ever recently. In TV terms, it's jumped the shark. But when do you think that happened? Was it only recently with the Carmen punch? When Stantis tackled the war in Iraq? Please use the comments section to let us know when you think Prickly City started on its downward spiral towards the comic graveyard.
Posted by The Furnace at 06:58 AM | Comments (2)August 04, 2006
Lazy Boy
I'll be honest, I don't get today's strip at all.
But that's OK, we're not done raking him over the coals for his lazy-ass-ness.
August 03, 2006
That Dog (Still) Won't Hunt, or Who'll Stop the Reign of Unfunny
It's my understanding that our favorite strippist monk is holed away in a cave somewhere, although I'm out of the loop when it comes to the who's who and who's where of the modern 21st century world we call home. (Some of us at least, the ones who use the Gregorian calendar. I can't vouch for those who are bombing Lebanon or those in Lebanon, Indiana.)
Anyhow, I invite my readers to note the copyright date on the strip presented above. I also invite them to note the copyright date on the strip that is purported to be the most current and released for today. No RSVP necessary. It appears our dear strippist john is more 5150 than 4077, pulling a John Fogerty and plagiarizing from hisself. I'll leave it to you to decide whether his 1/28/05 comic is better than his 8/3/06 comic, as well as whether my 1/28/05 entry is better than my 8/3/06 entry.
THAT DOG WON'T HUNT!
Starring: Winslow....as Coyote Biped
Introducing: Ava....as Cockney Flower-Girl
In
A "Pull My Finger" Production
It's long been a personal annoyance of mine, the story-joke. "Guy walks into a bar..." "Three blondes walk into a bar..." "Did you hear about the Polish lady?" "Winslow chases a bird for three panels..." From a simple cost-benefit analysis, it's clear that the investment of time is not worth the payoff in humor. It's quite torturous. I could imagine Lyndie England telling these jokes to the prisoners at Naval Consolidated Brig Miramar.
Which is why it comes as no surprise that today's strip features an exhausting set-up followed by...a punch-line? THAT'S a punch-line? Or is it really a think piece, perhaps? Because I tell you folks, I'm scratching my eczema over that one. Is this some sort of anti-evolutionist, pro-creationist "If God had meant for man to fly" argument? Is Stantis still hung up on little Anna Paquin starring in Fly Away Home? Perhaps this is the beginning of a new direction for the strip, in which we follow the new career of the bird.
So this is what it sounds like, when jokes die...
Posted by Sacki at 09:10 AM | Comments (6)August 02, 2006
Stumbling Towards Diplomacy
See, this is why we're right and Stantis is wrong.
After getting criticism for Carmen punching Winslow over flag burning, Stantis defended his strip by saying he was quoting Charles Schultz's Lucy punching Linus. It's was an homage, stupid.
Of course, that's just Grade A Bullshit. Yesterday and today prove it, no matter if his defenders might bring up violence in Beetle Bailey to illustrate how innocuous and inconsequential comic strip violence is. It's not homage. It's not innocuous. It's allegorical claptrap. It's half-baked, half-thought "ideas" dashed off before vacation to fill out a week's worth of syndication demands. It's out-of-character puppeteer machinations to make a "point."
It is also, might I add, dangerous territory for a strip that tries to straddle the line between Right Wing Nutbags Clip Strips and Post on Refrigerator and Hey Kids Send Me Your Email Address and I'll Send You a Bumper Sticker of Your New Favorite Character, Winslow the Coyote.
It's the clash of Bullshit Politics and Cutesy-Poo Inanity that makes this strip the trainwreck piece of crap it is.
Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah. Happy Vacation, Scott! Wish you would stay there!
Posted by CJo at 08:47 AM | Comments (3)August 01, 2006
TOO SOON
Mind boggling.
It was only two weeks ago on July 18th that Stantis gave us Carmen assaulting Winslow because he was burning his American flag underoos. The punch heard 'round Shrubville even got one of our readers to write into the mighty Washington Post to complain. Thanks for saying what a lot of us were thinking, Brian.
And now - ugh. Winslow annoys Carmen. I'm not really sure how - is he bouncing charcoal off her head? Or is it a yo-yo? I can't really tell, but whatever it is he's bouncing it off her head. So what does she do? Well of course she smashes his face in with her fist. Winslow says she should show some restraint.
Once again our funny pages are filled with a lesson to the little ones: if another kid is tapping you on the head, feel free to punch their lights out. It's the Republican way. Heck, even if they're playing the "I'm not touching you-I'm not touching you" game, go ahead and kick them in the groin. Someone needs to teach our youngsters that violence solves EVERYTHING. Everything I tell you. Everything. Jesus says so. It's right after that passage saying "God hates fags." Which, according to Ann Coulter, means he hates Al Gore. But Republicans already knew that. That God hates Gore. Not that Al's a fag. But they probably assumed that anyway. Just like they assume violence is the key to solveing all of our problems. Like global warming. Someone needs to go punch those damn polar bears in the face.
If I seem like I'm rambling, I am. That's because I can't believe what today's strip is really about, and I can't believe Stantis did this knowing he was going on vacation.
I find it hard to believe that this strip isn't about the conflict between Israel, Hezbollah, and Hamas.
In the comics section. While it's still happening.
Do the words "too soon" mean anything to a self-proclaimed comedian like Stantis?
I guess we're supposed to think of Winslow as Hezbollah, constantly bugging Israel (hey, this is how Stantis portrays it - not me). Carmen is Israel, and as our President says she has "a right to defend herself." (Good to know that W thinks Israel is a she.) So I'm guessing the taking of two Israeli soldiers (who were either taken in Lebanon, right on the border, or in Israel depending on which news report you read - here in America, they were in Israel) is Winslow tapping Carmen on the head. Carmen punching Winslow in the face is Israel bombing the hell out of Lebanon and blowing up a building in Qana where more than three dozen children were killed.
Can you feel the funny?
Yeah, I know, Stantis had no way of knowing about Qana. But he sure as hell should have known that this wasn't exactly a situation ripe for comedy, especially since it's just a riff off of another strip he did only a few weeks ago that 1) was universally derided and 2) wasn't funny.
I'm the first to admit that I don't know nearly enough about what's happening in the conflict over there right now. But I sure as heck know it's not something to try to milk laughs off of.
Next time Scott, show a little restraint of your own. Because to me this little strip of yours is the equivalent of tapping on all of our heads, and I'm sure there are a few readers who would love to know that you approve of them punching you in the bow tie.
(And yes, the picture above is legit. It's a young Israeli girl signing a missle "with love, from Israel." Guess she's already a fan of Prickly City.)
picture courtesy of JB
