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July 31, 2006
All You Zombies
Why is this in my morning paper?
It's bad enough that Prickly City became the Two-Weeks-Old Non-News Headline Repository of the Comics. Now it's the friggin' Obituaries. Combine that with Winslow in wedgie-inducing shorts and a belly shirt and you have quite possibly the WORST. COMIC. STRIP. IN. THE. HISTORY. OF. THE. WORLD. AND. THAT. INCLUDES. EIGHTY-EIGHT. YEARS. AND. COUNTING. OF. GASOLINE. ALLEY.
And what's wrong with this world anyway when cheap whores in orange shorts serving chicken wings are more popular than the beautiful tunes of Philadelphia, PA's The Hooters.
Dear single male: You want to score some chicks? Don't hang out in a pretend-strip club flirting with your wings-server. Instead, crank up The Hooters on the boombox and walk around the park. Like the Pied Piper, soon a parade of women will be following you around, frolicking, spinning, dancing. Like a wave on the ocean. You could be liars in love, and you dance. Swept away for a moment by chance. You dance and dance and dance.
Posted by CJo at 10:47 AM | Comments (4)July 30, 2006
Same Ol' Tune
My only reaction to today's PC: Winslow, just let us know when you find the funny.
With Stantis on vacation for another week or so, we should prepare ourselves for two more weeks of irrelevant unfunny strips like this. Yeah, I know, nothing we haven't seen before. I hope my math is correct - if Stantis left on his cross-country trek last weekend, then this past week he was actually trying to be topical, meaning we have two full weeks of stuff about fat kids and hating technology. Blah. Math + Sunday mornings are not a good combination.
And Stantis couldn't have picked a better time to take the family to Wally World. Do we really want him to try and tackle what's happening in the Middle East? Afghanistan is falling apart. Bush is sending MORE troops into Iraq and Baghdad, not less. And of course Israel/Hezbollah/Hamas is leading us into the apocalypse if you listen to...well, any of the news shows. That means Stantis would have to bring out Kevin the Bunny, and nobody wants that. While this might be a perfect storm for the people anxious for Jesus to come back, as a comic strip writer I can understand why Stantis would want to avoid this like the plague (so to speak). So when he gets back expect him to tackle the Joe Lieberman/Ned Lamont primary race instead. Or maybe our Fearless Leader saying the word "shit" with his mouth full of dinner roll.
With that being the case, feel free to use the comments section to suggest what we can expect this week. More IPod gags? A Michael Moore sighting, as if he's the new Bigfoot? Some straight talking with John McCain as he flip-flops on yet another issue? Plenty of possibilities, but odds are he'll just talk about how hot it is and Al Gore is insane because global warming is a myth.
July 29, 2006
I've Got a Full House...In My Pants
Leave it up to Stantis to point out that TV is filled with reality shows and poker tournaments during the summer. They should have had Carmen and Winslow standing in front of a red brick wall with microphones in front of them. "What's the deal with summer television??" Um, it's always sucked, Stantis. And these are jokes people made ages ago (Too much reality TV: two summer ago. Too much poker: last summer. Try to keep up, Scooter).
Far be it from Stantis to point out the other sure sign that TV sucks: too many Republican talking heads. But hey, I'm sure their ratings are skyrocketing since they're just going against Big Brother 7 and Celebrity Poker Showdown, right? Right?
I just thank gawd that some braintrust hasn't come up with the idea to combine these things. Watching Bill O'Reilly and Simon Cowell and Ann Coulter playing Texas Hold 'em where the loser gets voted off would make my eyes bleed.
(On a side note, did you see Ann Coulter saying that Bill Clinton is a closet homosexual and Al Gore is a fag? What's funny is that she's a blond in her 40s that some men actually find attractive yet she's not married and has an adam's apple. Who's gay?)
If I remember correctly Stantis is on vacation (or maybe that's just wishful thinking on my part). Odds are that means a few weeks of obvious putdowns of popular culture, which isn't nearly as fun as when Stantis is advocating punching people who do things you don't like or trying to make light of war by referring to the enemy as hamsters. It also means we won't get his brilliant insight into what's happening in the Middle East. Aw nuts, what will we ever do? Me, I'm just gonna pad out my entries as much as I can, just like this one.
(Pictured above from left to right: Neil Cavuto, Bill O'Reilly, Simon Cowell, Ann Coulter, and Sean Hannity.)
Posted by The Furnace at 07:44 AM | Comments (0)July 28, 2006
Not Frequently Asked Questions
NFAQ
Q: What do Alphonse, Gaston, and Stantis all have in common?
A: They're French losers who no one cares about anymore.
Q: If no one cares about Stantis anymore then why continue to write Shrubville?
A: For the lucrative advertising revenue that is sure to come once we get beyond 10 page views a day.
Q: The Furnace is usually dead-on in his commentary and CJo is hit-or-miss, but what's the deal with Sacki? I don't understand half of what he says.
A: Sacki actually doesn't exist. The Furnace and CJo collaborate on Sacki's entries, alternating words.
Q: So, like, really, what IS your problem with Scott Stantis?
A: His well-reasoned, expertly-crafted arguments and his exquisite art have no place in the liberal media.
Q: As the preeminent scholars on the work of Scott Stantis, do you have any insight as to where the little rapscallion Dio went?
A: Oh, Dio, Dio, because Dio.
Oh, Dio, Dio, because Dio.
Yihla Moja, Yihla Moja
The lizard is dead, the lizard is dead.
Q: This post is bullshit. Why are you phoning-it-in today?
A: We follow the lead of Stantis.
Posted by CJo at 08:47 AM | Comments (5)July 27, 2006
After You, My Dear Alphonse or No, No, After You Dear Gaston
[NOTE TO READERS: In order to fulfill an obligation to our syndicated network - the world wide web - this entry was written 3 weeks ago, when the storyline was about Winslow's sexual identity. One day, when technology allows the rapid transfer of information between points far and wide, it might be possible to write up a same-day critique, but until that time, the audience is kindly requested to bear with us. The author assumed that this theme would continue for quite a while, to deal with all the subtle nuances that we expect from Prickly City. Enjoy.]
We've learned that no longer will Winslow, the comic strip embodiment of all the follies that the Democratic Party deals in, allow his bready manliness to be cast on the water, only to watch it float away and never return again. From henceforth he shall not be soft, but hard! What light through yonder window doesn't break, Winslow will break, because that's what macho men do. Like General Sherman, if nominated to kick ass, he will not run; he will stand tall. Furry. Smelly.
Eventually, however, he will flip-flop, and glom onto the latest fad. He will stray from the agenda of his pal Carmen, and she will castigate him for his dissent. For as she well knows, dissent is a terrible thing. Like when her protestants dissented with the teachings of the one holy catholic and apostolic church and formed their own religious community. Or when the American colonies disagreed with the impositions placed upon them by the British and formed their own constitutional republic. Or she can speak of how, as a young woman of color, opposition to "separate but equal" policies was not in the best interest of the country. Gotta give those conservative Protestant Americans credit, they sure know what they're talking about when they're talking dissent.
Posted by Sacki at 12:00 PM | Comments (2)July 26, 2006
I'm So Hot For Her and She's So Cold
Scott's distaste for Pelosi is boring. And the way he illustrates his distaste is juvenile.
I'll let Scott duke it out with his erect dick over whether Pelosi is worthy of his self-attention. He and other far-right own-cock-strokers such as this splotch of dried ejaculate expend so much of their considerable wind-bag-gas hectoring Democrats over not having any ideas and relying on personal attacks, and then they pull this kind of bullshit.
Whether I laugh, cry, shout, or punch the Corn Flakes box, it doesn't matter one bit; these people will still be hypocritical jerks. So I'll just punch the Corn Flakes box. Repeatedly. Until I feel better. Target date for feeling better: November 2006.
Posted by CJo at 08:25 AM | Comments (2)July 25, 2006
You Make Me Feel Like Dancing*
What a simple little simpleton. What a dumb little dumbfuck. What a moronic little moron-faced asshole...
Oh, wait. Pardon me. I'm resorting to "name calling" instead of arguing the "merits" of Scott's "argument" today. I'd hate to do anything to give Scott Stantis the impression that a "liberal" or a "Democrat" such as myself would resort to easy, simple, baseless, color-by-numbers statements, instead of a well-thought out, well-executed barb like he is capable of.
Like today's strip.
Well-done, sir. WELL-DONE. And when I say "well-done" I mean "charred beyond recognition, cooked to a lump of inedible, leather-like mass that tastes like a hot Hefty bag that has stored roofing tiles."
I, too, can play the game where I MAKE UP planks on a party platform.
So, what's the Republicans' Platform?
"Assholes are exit only**."
"I think murder is wrong***."
"Give me your bank statements, your phone records, your Google search history, your emails****."
I encourage you, gentle reader, to also make up some GOP platform planks in the comments. It's what Scott Stantis would want you to do.
----------
NOTES:
*On your grave
**This applies to men only.
***This applies to embryos and/or fetuses only.
****This applies to terrorists only, or people suspected of being a terrorist, or people with a bank account and a phone and an internet connection.
July 24, 2006
Wishin' and Hopin' (and Prayin')
No matter
How hard
I wish
THIS STRIP STILL EXISTS.
Posted by CJo at 10:01 AM | Comments (3)July 23, 2006
Laugh It Up
Uh oh, somebody's been reading through his copy of Philosophy Rocks! again. Today Stantis quotes the French(?!) philosopher Voltaire. I guess Stantis only likes the French for their fries and esoteric views on life. No word yet on their salad dressing.
It's the classic set up: Winslow asks why God lets bad things happen, Carmen quotes a philosopher, then there's a sight gag. But as it always is with Prickly City, what the quote says doesn't necessarily have anything to do with the quote. Now I could sit here and think about whether or not Stantis has a point, and that his quote relates somehow to the punchline, but what's the use? Stantis doesn't think about these things - he gets a basic idea ("Darn kids flipping through my books again...what's this? This quote really does rock! What do I know how to draw...a tornado! Perfect!") and throws it out there hoping the image of Winslow and Carmen being tossed around in a tornado will be funny enough that people won't care. He's right - we don't.
But hey, I get paid the big bucks to break this stuff down, right? Winslow asks why bad stuff happens, Carmen says it's because God is just trying to be funny and we're too afraid to laugh, and God hits them with a tornado. Ha ha ha. You see it's funny because it's a tornado in tornado season. Ha ha ha.
Oooh, wait...maybe Stantis is on to something. Remember when Bush gave the German Chancellor an unwanted back rub? Why in God's name would a man come up behind a woman he doesn't really know, amongst the leaders of the free world, and do something that would get him fired for sexual harrassment in any other conference room in America by touching her inappropriately?
Maybe Bush is God. And he's trying to be funny. But the leader of Germany is too afraid to laugh. Bah, I'm on fumes here. Me, I think Bush is a frat boy bully that wanted to shut up an uppity bitch up so he made her feel uncomfortable the easiest way he knows how. Too bad he's not back running one of his failed oil companies or Bush would have gotten canned for doing something like that. Sad: things are horrible in the Middle East - Bush does this - it's a punchline in monologues. If Clinton were to do this during Monica-gate, he would have been thrown in prison. Or the electric chair. Gotta love politics and an American public that thinks sex is much more horrifying than violence.
What's interesting is that this might be the first time Stantis chose a philosopher that isn't just a liberal but actually shares some of his Republican/Conservative/Rightie views. Voltaire was all about freedom of speech and religion and civil liberties, especially after this happened: "...the Rohan family had a lettre de cachet issued, a secret warrant that allowed for the punishment of people who had committed no crimes or who possibly posed a risk to the royal family, and used it to exile Voltaire without a trial." Maybe that's where Cheney and Rummy got the idea.
But on the flip side Voltaire, much like the neo-cons and the authoritarian conservatives, believed in a monarchy where philosophers like him (and presumably Karl Rove) would "advise" the leader. While a bright guy, I'm guessing Voltaire never stopped to think that his good ol' monarch might decide to shut up his critics and thinkers and people who believed in science so he could rule with an iron fist. Not that anything like that would ever happen in THIS country...
Personally I hope Stantis does an entire week of strips using quotes from Voltaire. Here are a few for starters:
"Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."
(Oh, wait, Stantis can't talk about Iraq anymore.)
"A witty saying proves nothing."
(Who doesn't get tired of quoting Bush?)
"You know that these two nations are at war over a few acres of snow near Canada, and that they are spending on this little war more than all of Canada is worth."
(Just swap Canada for Afghanistan.)
And finally, this one will just be for us here to remember at Shrubville:
"I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: 'O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.' And God granted it."
July 22, 2006
All Babies Love Prickly City
TODAY'S PARABLE
As CJo said on Wednesday, "pat pat pat."
Stantis "boldy" reminds us that HIS conservative Supreme Court has ruled that the practice of redrawing Congressional districts anytime (instead of waiting for the census) that HIS party has abused is okie dokie. Yet somehow Stantis seems to be saying that this is a bad thing. Tsk tsk, you bad conservatives! Why, that's not fair!
Does anybody honestly believe that Stantis is against this? Come on dude, you know you love that your Republican buddies are taking every chance they get to grab as much power as possible to insure they never leave office. But hey, if you toss out a strip like this every once in a while you can say that you're fair and balanced, right? Whatever.
Oh, and let's not forget that it's Winslow that's doing the redistricting. God this comic strip sucks.
With today being such a craptacular experience I actually sat through the Prickly City podcast. That was even more of a chore than reading the damn strip. Stantis defended his punching liberals in the face when they do something he doesn't like - oh, wait, I'm sorry, Toby tells us that Scott would NEVER do anything like that. Yeah, we know, Stantis, like so many other "conservatives," would never do any real fighting of his own. Then again this was a sucker punch. But according to Stantis since Lucy beat the shit out of Linus then it's okay for Scott to play out his fantasies of punching people he sees burning the flag. Apparently in Scott's neighborhood this happens a lot if you listen to the podcast, because EVERY TIME he sees that it makes him angry.
Oh, and the New York Times reported that banking story with "glee" according to Stantis, so that's why he went after them. Yeah, there were smiley faces all over the front page when that story came out. I guess when someone reports that Bush is doing something without any oversight then they're liberal and do it with "glee," but if they report that a terror cell has been broken up they're good Americans. Gotta love double standards.
So to recap what I learned today: Winslow is the new Tom DeLay, Stantis wants to beat the crap out of Linus for burning his American flag blanket, and Prickly City sucks harder than ever. I can't wait to see what we learn at Sunday school.
July 21, 2006
It Was Nice Knowing You - Sort Of
(CJo is currently being felt up in an airport somewhere - he'll return to his Shrubville duties shortly. And the sooner the better, because I'm getting really sick of Stantis.)
I'm actually kind of sad to see him go.
Because the new Winslow is a prick. No, he's a PRICK.
Today he calls Cindy Sheehan a moonbat, a term only used by the right, usually on right-wing radio and on right-wing blogs. I never thought Winslow and Michelle Malkin would have something in common.
He's also now a misogynist, referring to Carmen as "woman."
Then he proceeds to push her around, knocking the paper out of her hands as he orders her to do his bidding. So he's a bully too.
And what was in this newspaper? Apparently MSNBC is now broadcating via the Washington Times, as Stantis is referencing a Hardball interview with Sheehan where guest host Norah O'Donnell asked Sheehan if she'd rather live under dirty stinky socialist Hugo Chavez than under Bush.
Yeah, apparently Sheehan is a moonbat because she'd rather live under a guy that lies to go to war, illegally spies on his citizens, imprisons people without charges for years while flying them to secret prisons in Europe so they can be tortured, then sits on his ass for two weeks while the Middle East burns up in flames. Oh, wait, who am I talking about here?
I love this argument from people. "If you don't love it here, leave!" Um, numbnuts, if you didn't notice Sheehan and others are protesting because they want to make our country great again. We love America and we want it to be the best it can be, but under Bush that's not happening anymore. If your house is infested with rats, would your neighor say, "If you don't like it, go live in another house!" Of course not. If he was a good neighbor he'd suggest ways to get rid of the rats and get the house back to being a nice place to live.
On a side note, it's kinda funny that the Republicans hate Cindy Sheehan so much you'd think they'd just ignore her so she becomes irrelevant, but they've got so many problems they need to keep beating yet another dead horse to distract from their own troubles.
But back to Winslow. What happened? Did Stantis just decide that yeah, he really should convert him completely into Michael Savage? While the character has gone to the conservative side whenever Stantis didn't want to make Republican Carmen look foolish, he was never a complete dick before. And if Carmen is going to be a snotty bitch sometimes, and Winslow is going to be a misogynistic right-wing bully, then count me out.
Maybe this is why there was never a Winslow plush toy - who would want to hug something as repulsive as this?
Posted by The Furnace at 09:09 AM | Comments (8)July 20, 2006
My Pal Foot Foot Up Your Ass, or There Are Many Things I Blunder
You know who wants peace, my friends? Those dirty, dirty Hollywood types. Just look at them there, in the first panel, holding a hunger strike. It's obvious that (from left to right) Gene Shalit, Mr. Peanut, and, in a special comic strip appearance performed before his death late last year, Vincent Schiavelli, are all out of touch with what real, we-used-to-want-to-secede-from-the-United-States-but-we-lost-and-now-we-want-to-drag-the-rest-of-the-country-down-to-our-level Americans feel on the subject. As we learned earlier this week, the writer of PC has an uneven grasp of the fine points of philosophical thought, as well as diplomacy, such that it seems the only possible source of his education on the subject came from listening to the Shaggs, with a touch of Megadeth thrown in for good measure.
***
Meanwhile, in the course of checking out the long overdue addition of a Shrubville link at PC's wiki page, to which we are indebted to the incomparable Gorilla Jones, I noticed that Mr. Stantis himself has made some revisions under the declaration that "I am the creator of Prickly City and found some inaccuracies that I corrected." Such as "It urns out that the editors that work at Universal Press Syndicate, which distriibutes Prickly City, eroneously added quote marks without clearing the decision with the strips creator, Scott Stantis." Sadly, no correction has yet to be made to the correction.
Posted by Sacki at 09:46 AM | Comments (4)July 19, 2006
Smear & Balanced
Pat, pat, pat, pat, pat, pat, pat, pat, pat, pat, pat.
That, my friends, is the sound of Scott Stantis patting himself on the back.
"I really done zang the Grand Old Party today. No one gonna 'cuse me of being an administration lapdog. I'm fair-n-balanced."
Long-time readers of Prickly City might recall other Stantis zings of prominent Republicans, such as:
-Gee willikers, they sure are spending a lot of money.
-The administration may be listening in on our telephone calls, but sometimes you have to give up a little freedom to fight for freedom.
-The Desert Hamsters are giving us a tough fight, but ultimately a flower will spring forth from the desert.
Of course he's aimed a few zingers at the Democrats too. Hmmmm, let me see if I recall any off the top of my head:
-Ted Kennedy fucks monkeys.
-Ted Kennedy drinks alcohol.
-Chappaquiddick!!!!!!!!!
-Hillary Clinton is a pushy bitch.
-John Kerry looks like Frankenstein.
-Al Gore looks like Frankenstein.
-Howard Dean is a screaming, fat lunatic.
-John Murtha doesn't "listen" to his meds.
As you know, I take 4-6 minutes of my valuable free time every 2-3 weeks to listen to Scott's podcasts. As you might expect, he spends a considerable amount of time railing against "liberalism," parroting the Coulter/Malkin line that liberals are unhinged, that they never argue ideas or political philosophy, that they just resort to name-calling and character attacks.
And I wonder to myself: How does this man even exist? How does Prickly City have an audience? Where the fuck is Dio? WHERE ARE THE WINSLOW PLUSH TOYS HE PROMISED TWO YEARS AGO??
And then I pray for the return of Kevin the Lost Bunny of the Apocalypse, for even though Prickly City might be the dirty, scavenging cockroach of the comic strip world, it would not survive Armageddon.
Posted by CJo at 10:07 AM | Comments (2)July 18, 2006
Is It Hot In Here, Or Are You Just a Violent Thug?
There were two ways I considered going with my slant on today's strip. Here's the first one:
So do you think Carmen attends private school or public school? She's a conservative, so she's supposed to hate the idea of government-sponsored anything (like universal healthcare) - so she should be in a private school. But then again she's a conservative, so since it's already in place and she likes how it works she's probably going to a public school. Gotta love their logic.
Anywho, either school she's going to really needs to help the little monster with her civics lessons. You see Carmen, there's one very simple lesson you need to be taught: my rights start at the tip of my nose - your rights stop at the end of your fist. So just because you see someone doing something that's legal but you don't like it doesn't mean you can go over to them and punch them in the face. That's why we have something called the "Constitution," but I know how much you and the other neo-cons hate it so much.
Of course today is a follow up to yesterday's strip on flag burning, and the only good thing about it is that it leaves Rob Schneider out of the unfunniness (oh, the irony of Stantis "making fun" of Deuce Bigalow). Apparently Winslow sets an American flag on fire, and Carmen sucker punches him like every good Republican. Hey, at least she's fighting her own battles and not sending other people to do it for her like this entire administration.
So the message is clear: if conservatives/Republicans/neo-cons/Radical Righties don't like something, violence is the answer. You know this is how Stantis really feels - if you burn a symbol like the flag, then I have a right to violently attack you. Does anybody else agree with this? Sounds pretty insane to me, but I accept that it's how a large number of righties feel. Which begs the question: how far does it go? If Stantis is saying that Carmen is justified in punching Winslow for burning the flag, would it be okay to stab him? Shoot him? Kill him? See, that's why our Founding Fathers were so smart - they realized that things like freedom of speech and freedom of religion were the foundation of a free republic. If I don't like someone praying the Spaghetti Monster, is it okay for me to shoot them in the face with a shotgun? Maybe tomorrow (well, two weeks from tomorrow) Stantis can explain where my rights end and his rights begin.
As soon as this stupid issue came up (instead of Congress dealing with things like, oh, I don't know, the war in Iraq, poverty, stem cell research, etc.), I came up with an idea for a new business in case the Congress decided to ignore the First Amendment: a company that makes red, white, and blue flags - with 14 bars and 51 stripes. That way people can burn a different symbol that symbolizes the same thing to violent over-reactionaries and it sends the same message: that too many people on the right are bullies with anger issues. Or heck, maybe I'll just make a flag made out of material that isn't flammable. And let's not get started on what happens when you burn things like bikinis and pieces of paper that have the flag on them. Geez, this issue is more complicated than the war in Iraq. Maybe that's why Congress tackled it - they wanted a REAL challenge.
Wouldn't it be great if Winslow wasn't burning a flag? It could turn out that Winslow was just burning a red and white striped pillow case, so since Carmen brutally attacked him he'll get her arrested for battery and sue her ass. Then an "activist" judge, most likely appointed by a Republican, can throw her ass in jail until she can pay him for his pain and suffering. Nah, Winslow will just end up intimidated and he'll say he's sorry for hating America like all dirty stinky smell liberals.
Here's the second slant:
Awesome! According to Stantis, since he exercises his right to create a crappy, unfunny comic strip that I don't like, that means I get to exercise my right to kick his ass! SCORE!
July 17, 2006
Rob Schneider Joke II: Still Unfunny
Someone sure has a boner for Rob Schneider, eh?
Use it once, shame on you.
Use it twice, shame on you x 2 + a big "screw you."
Meanwhile, check out the controversy regarding Saturday's strip. Nice digging by The Furnace and new reader Mark.
Posted by CJo at 08:40 AM | Comments (6)July 16, 2006
Anything Less Would Be Unfunny
Okay, I might take a little heat for this for being a stickler, but dammit after the past few weeks we need to keep busting Stantis's balls for being so g*ddamn lazy. I mean seriously it's to the point where he shouldn't just be fired for being a poor artist and an unfunny comic, but because he's not even trying lately.
Carmen is grossed out that her coyote friend pants instead of sweats, Winslow explains it's because coyotes don't have sweat glands, and to appease her he puts deodorant on his tongue. Meh.
Well coyotes are part of the same Canidae family as dogs, and they both DO have sweat glands - on the pads of their paws. Now I know this is being really picky (as opposed to prickly), but I knew right away this morning when I read this strip that yeah, dogs and coyotes cool themselves by panting since they can't sweat like us. But just to make sure I did a quick google, and sure enough dogs and coyotes surprisingly enough have sweat glands - just not where you'd expect. And unlike cats they don't really do much to help their cooling.
But it's just a little tiny example of how Stantis and his staff don't seem to care anymore. What if Stantis had done the little bit of amateur research I had? Then he could have made a joke about actually having sweat glands - just in his paws - and that would freak Carmen out even more since she's shaken hands with him before. In any event, this is a matter of Stantis coming up with a half ass joke he probably ripped off from somewhere else, he slapped it together, Toby acted like he looked it over (what the hell does that guy do anyway?), and then the editor shrugged his shoulders, said, "Whatever, as long as it doesn't get us sued," and it went to press. No wonder people don't read newspapers or the comics like they used to.
So what other half-assed "jokes" can we expect this week? Oh, there'll probably be some reference to Bush taking the Japanese Prime Minister to Graceland - nothing funnier than Winslow with sideburns and a pompadour. We found out Ah-nold was using his terrorist resources to monitor anti-war groups. We got a Bin Laden tape. Things got worse in Iraq despite Bush's "brave" unannounced surprise visit to the heavily secured compound in Iraq. And unfortunately the chaos in the Middle East started around two weeks ago with the Israeli bombing of a beach in Gaza followed by Hamas "kidnapping" Israeli soldiers, and it's just gotten worse from there. But I doubt Stantis wants to be called anti-Semite for even talking about the subject (let's face it - the guy actually tried to talk about Iraq and got his ass chewed out, he's not going to tackle something this controversial).
This isn't a particularly humorous time in our world. But luckily we have a guy who doesn't have a funny bone in his body keeping us entertained with his lazy azz comic strip known as Prickly City.
(PS - I'm going to plug myself today, which sounds dirty and kinda is. I'm going to be appearing in a political column tomorrow on a website called 411mania.com. It's called "Fact of Fiction," and I'll try to bring some of my amateur skills (and snark) to their political discussions. I'll probably be billed as Gary from Woodstock, IL. Check it out if you're bored. Which, after reading Prickly City, you probably will be.)
Posted by The Furnace at 09:17 AM | Comments (2)July 15, 2006
The Curse of Congresswoman McKenna
Let's crank up the Stantis Way Back Machine and venture back to a month ago, circa June 15th, 2006. There we'll find a poll that for some reason didn't get much attention in the mainstream (read: conservative) media. It shows that the rest of the world thinks the United States still being in Iraq is the greatest threat to world peace.
You can read about the month-old poll here, here, and here. Maybe it didn't get much attention on the cable news talking head shows because it reveals that Americans in general are starting to like France again.
So what is Stantis's response to the rest of the world - which was opposed to us attacking Iraq in the first place - thinking our presence there is such a grave threat? Um, because they're all crazy! And they're off their meds! I mean, how insane must you be to think that invading a country and turning it into a virtual terrorist factory is a bad thing? Silly world. Geez, you'd have to be pretty whacky to think that our being in Iraq would lead to anything else worse over there, like oh, I dunno, Israel getting its boner on and finally attacking Lebananon and the Gaza Strip because they know their big brother has their back. Nah - they're all just plain nuts.
What makes this strip priceless - and I mean PRICELESS - is what I call "The Curse of Congresswoman McKenna." Let me explain why with a little story.
Earlier this year an old conservative friend of mine, let's call him Poor Mal, was extremely upset that the small town where he lived was going to be one of the venues for the Gay Games. He was enraged that their mayor would allow the homos (his word, not mine) to come to where he lived and thrust their gayness upon him. After hearing the news he immediately rifled off an email addressed directly to the mayor. It was angry, bitter, venom-filled, and pretty homophobic. But that's what I'd expect from Poor Mal and his fears that seeing a gay person will somehow turn him and his family gay.
Problem. Mel was in such a hurry to vent his anger, to direct his rage at someone, he pounded out this email, ran it through spellcheck, and fired it off. However, if you have any experience with computers, you'll realize that there are some - in fact many - words that have different spellings and versions. His email was riddled with these kinds of mistakes. "How dare you encourage there coming here!" "This is two much!" So while Mel was doing his best to make his argument as to why he was so upset, it was lost in what came across as a badly written, childish, half-assed rant that nobody would take seriously. I think many people would have the natural reaction that he was just another extremist that lives his life based on what the conservatives have told him to believe instead of getting a good education and taking the time to, you know, proofread. Much like Stantis a week ago scrambling to find a punchline to a throwaway strip and misspelling Cynthia McKinney's last name.
Which brings me to today's Prickly City comic strip. Read it closely.
"America is a bigger threat to world peace then nuclear threats from Iran or North Korea!"
"The world ain't listening to it's meds!"
Heck, I could even make an argument for how stupid "listening" sounds in there. Did Stantis mean "taking?" If he had though it would have been, "taking they're meds."
Mind you, this is supposedly a PROFESSIONAL comic strip where Stantis not only gets PAID to do this, other people are also PAID to make sure it's at least spelled correctly. Odds are Charles will point out that the corrections were made before it went out to most papers, but how the heck does it get onto the Saturday website looking like something Poor Mal would whip up in a frenzy? Not only that, it's based on a poll from a month ago! Like I said, priceless.
Oh, and one other thing: while I couldn't find the actual poll results, none of the stories I read mention North Korea's nuclear progam. Maybe that's because the poll was conducted BEFORE North Korea conducted their (not there) tests on the 4th of July. So yeah, not only can Stantis not double check his spelling, he makes shit up to try and bolster his argument. Just another day in Prick City (spelling intentional).
*** UPDATE ***
The Seattle Times' webpage has the corrected version of today's strip where the spelling has been fixed.
But Mark points out something extremely interesting. It looks as though the original purpose of today's strip was to make fun of Jack Murtha (which would explain the arms grabbing Winslow) and something he said at a rally in Miami a few weeks after the poll was released. (I couldn't find a link, but apparently it at least made it into the Rocky Mountain News.) You see Congressman Murtha actually referenced the poll and its results - he's not the one who said that America was the greatest threat. The local newspaper misquoted him, and as soon as it got around it meant red meat for all of the conservative talking heads to pounce on. Not long after the paper corrected their error, but the talking heads kept swiftboating Murtha. You can read more here.
So I think Mark is right: Stantis submitted a correctly spelled attack on Jack Murtha, but an editor actually earning his paycheck somewhere realized that they didn't want another Teddy Kennedy deal on their hands and changed it to the world in general. Either way it's stupid and unfunny, but it's one more example of how Stantis was so quick to believe what he wanted to belive - that Jack Murtha hates America - than actually do some research and, you know, depend on the facts. I guess we still know who puts the "prick" in Prickly City.
July 14, 2006
You'll have to pardon my lack of zest in tackling this week's New York Times storyline. I'm just having a hard time taking it seriously. If this dumbass Stantis (or anyone else for that matter) really truly believes the New York Times published "secrets hurtful to our cause" and "secrets that help people who want to kill us" and "secrets that give aid and comfort to our enemies" then what's the fucking point in trying to counter that. The argument comes from a diseased and deranged mind.
And if he doesn't really believe the Times committed treason but he's still suckling at the talking-points teat to win back any "conservative" fans who may have been put off by his many many waffles and mixed messages then what's the fucking point in trying to counter that? The argument comes from a diseased and deranged soul.
To sum up: Stantis sucks: he can't draw; he's not funny. Repeat.
Posted by CJo at 09:36 AM | Comments (11)July 13, 2006
Let Them Eat Enriched Yellowcake, or Bastille In Business After All These Years
ON THIS DATE IN SHRUBVILLE HISTORY...July 13, 2005
CJo bypasses discussing the actual content of the strip and goes off on a tangent. Seriously. Youse can look it up!
I have a short memory, and even if I did have a solid one, I probably wouldn't have allowed this factoid to take up what little space I have to store - and then forget - things that I've learned:
"Prickly City celebrated its one-year anniversary on 7/11, Stantis announced. I think yesterday's strip is a testament to his staying power in the funny pages. If he repeats all his past strips he can eke out...I dunno...another year. Congratulations, Scott Stantis."
Holy spatula - a birfday! And also very insightful by CJo, as I think the combination of a) "advance the lame-ass storyline" strips with b) no funny and c) no point has allowed the widely syndicated drawerings to cruise through another year. Nevertheless, he has made it through to celebrate 2 years in bidness. Congratulations indeed.
One shudders, however, to think about how goddamn awful it can get from here, if the terrible twos are to be any worse than what's preceded.
Posted by Sacki at 09:56 AM | Comments (1)July 12, 2006
Shut the Mutts Up
In today's strip, Noodles the cat has finally tracked down Shtinky Puddin', who is curled up in bed with a life jacket, afraid of the melting ice caps.
Off-panel, Mooch is undoubtedly getting some love from his favorite little pink sock. Don't spend too much time with little pink sock, Mooch! You've got to visit Fatty Snax Deli later!
Somewhere, Earl is wistful, possibly hoping for a belly rub. Maybe Ozzie will feed you a pinch of saltburger later, Earl!
Adopt a pet! From a shelter!
Posted by CJo at 08:37 AM | Comments (2)July 11, 2006
Living in the Real World
I have a quirky idea. Let's break down today's unfunny Prickly City in the real world, not the fantasy world where Scott Stantis and a frightening majority of Republicans are living in today.
Panel One
Winslow: So the terrorists want to kill us.
Carmen: Yes.
Panel Two
Winslow: We have plans that George W. Bush and his administration have bragged about over the last four years to stop them.
Carmen: Yep.
Panel Three
Winslow: And the "liberal" New York Times and the "conservative" Wall Street Journal ran a story talking about those plans, revealing that Bush is doing it without any oversight at all, meaning we don't have a clue who he's really monitoring - it could be you and me?
Carmen: With glee.
Panel Four
Winslow: So what's the big deal? Why shouldn't the press have the freedom to report to us when the government is spying on us without any oversight, especially when it's a program that the government has been talking about for years now? Not to mention that you'd have to be a pretty stupid terrorist not to realize that the government is going to monitor your phone calls and banking transactions.
Carmen: Can't explain it. Maybe it's because Dick Cheney and Bush want to be able to do whatever they want.
Panel Five (bonus!)
Winslow: Well the Republicans went all crazy about this banking story, so much so that Republicans were threatening violence against the reporters at the NYT and even printing their personal addresses and phone numbers. And they didn't even complain about the Wall Street Journal because it's conservative.
Carmen: It does seem pretty dangerous on their part, and hypocritical.
Panel Six (even more bonus!)
Winslow: And why is it when on 7/7 the NYT revealed that the Feds had broken up a terrorist plan to blow up tunnels in New York that not only did the Bush Regime NOT complain, the Republicans cheered them on?
Carmen: I think it's that hypocrisy again. If a leak helps Bush they love it, but if it hurts him they want to hang the reporters for treason.
Panel Seven (okay at this point it would be Wednesday's strip)
Winslow: Whatever happened to the First Amendment?
Carmen: I think Bush called it a "damn piece of paper."
Winslow: That would explain a lot.
So there you have it - my attempt to bring Prickly City into the real world. Just when I think the Republicans in charge can't get any more brazen in their power grab, they go after newspapers that actually report the facts. Facts that have been in the public for ages - well, except for the part where Bush and Co. don't tell Congress or the Supreme Court what they're doing. Yet a strip like Prickly City will happily suck up to Bush and Cheney, presenting their skewed version of reality, asking why the NYT (but not the WSJ) shouldn't be eaten. Nah, instead of facts we should be like most right-wingers and simply follow the story they're telling instead of what's really happening. I think in nature they're known as sheep. Or lemmings.
(By the way, the whole "desert hamsters" instead of terrorists isn't funny and actually pretty insulting. It was one thing when Stantis did it when Winslow went to "war," another thing when it's months later. Wasn't funny then, isn't funny now. That and I think it's insulting to our servicemen and women fighting the real war. Just my two cents.)
July 10, 2006
Last of the Red Hot Haters
According to an anonymous source on the Internet (from our very own comments section!!!!), Shrubville is the Last Bastion of Prickly City Hate in the entire world. Hordes of Liberals have learned to put aside their politics and welcome the warm, fuzzy, come-to-Jesus embrace of Carmen and Winslow. We've even learned that in some Prickly City podcasts Toby has read -- get this -- actual fan mail! Woweee. Woweeeeeeeeee. Or as they say in Italy after a World Cup victory: Wop-Dee-Doo.
Stantis made an overt play to politics to get his strip published. Prickly City was marketed as a Right-Wing answer to Doonesbury and the Boondocks. I don't care how cutesy-fucking-poo or apolitical Prickly City gets. If it exists, I'll "hate" it (your word, Anonymous; not mine).
But let's not forget today's strip. Because it's a prime example...
oh...wait...
Actually, I *have* forgotten today's strip already. And I will not go back on my pledge to just look at the strip once per day, spending no more than 5 seconds on it. Suffice it to say: it sucked!
Posted by CJo at 09:02 AM | Comments (6)July 09, 2006
Get Bent
More and more every day Scott Stantis comes across not like a comedian, but as the guy in the audience who says, "Oh, I can do better than that!" And for some bizarre reason a publisher actually said okay and gave him a job. Of course Stantis isn't funny and can't really draw, yet he STILL HAS THAT JOB for some insane reason.
Today is an attempt at word play that would make Woody Allen wince. Winslow's brain hurts because he doesn't "get it," Carmen offers up that "kit and caboodle" is another way of saying "it," Winslow doesn't know what a kit and caboodle is, and somehow or another Carmen's brain ends up hurting because she doesn't get "it."
At first glance this might seem chuckle-worthy. But it's not. It doesn't make any sense. It's like a terrible Catskills routine that would flop miserably its first night and cost the joke tellers their jobs. Yet Stantis still gets a paycheck every week for this nonsense.
Maybe I'm missing "it." Maybe in some unbelievably clever way, Stantis has concocted this amazing strip to make my head hurt with his witty banter.
Nope. Carmen, Lil' Miss Know-It-All, simply has to say, "kit and caboodle is another way of saying "it." Everything. The whole shebang." Besides, once Winslow asks what Carmen doesn't get, why would her brain freeze? All Stantis has done is build up a rickety house of cards that counts on Sunday morning readers to glance at, think it's kind of cute, and move on to the really funny comics like Marmaduke.
How much longer can a guy get paid to do this?
July 08, 2006
Beating a Dead House - I Mean Dead Horse. How Could I Possibly Get That Wrong?
Is someone betting Stantis that he can't make the worst comic strip EVER? Because seriously, just when you think it can't get any worse Stantis finds a whole new level of suckitude.
First off, Randy "Macho Man" Winslow is afraid of a dust bunny (a new character?) so he's hiding behind a chair. However the way it's drawn with the orange ground and blue background it appears as though he and Carmen are outside. Why he has a dining room chair outside I have no idea. So yeah that's right - four strips devoted to machismo, none of them funny. At least Stantis didn't waste the first three panels reminding us that "metrosexual is out, macho is in."
And then Stantis hops into the Waaaaaaayback Machine, going after - Congresswoman Cynthia McKinney? Let me refresh your memory. The Congresswoman was going to into the Longworth House Office Building when one of the rent-a-cops on security saw her bypassing the metal detector. Which is legal for her to do as a member of Congress. Despite numerous pictures of the Congresswoman at his station - because this has happened before since I guess to the cops "they all look alike" - the security guard tried to stop her by grabbing her arm. And the Congresswoman did what a lot of people would do - she turned around and decked the guy. Since it's an election year, the cops of course decided that this needed a thorough investigation and that she should be indicted because the cop didn't recognize a well-known Congresswoman. This led to all kinds of bad jokes on Right-wing Radio and at Prickly City about McKinney, none of which were funny and most were racist.
So why should I have to even remind you about this? Because it happened on MARCH 29th, 2006.
Let me repeat that: MARCH 29th, 2006.
Well maybe something more recent happened with the case. However the most recent and probably the final word on the story was when the Grand Jury refused to indict her in a story dated June 16th, 2006. Almost a full month ago.
What makes this even more brilliant: STANTIS GETS HER NAME WRONG. He calls her Congresswoman McKenna. Her name is Congresswoman McKinney. The name of the police officer is Paul McKenna.
That's right: Neither Stantis, Toby, or the editor caught that in a single panel comic strip that they all got the name of the Congresswoman they're trying to make fun of.
Now THAT'S funny.
Posted by The Furnace at 07:53 AM | Comments (3)July 07, 2006
This Was the Week that Was
TGIF
Posted by CJo at 08:20 AM | Comments (5)July 06, 2006
Get Back Jojo
Feeling beaten down by the pressures placed on him by society to be something he's not, we find Winslow entering his beatnik stage. I can just envision him turning around, sneering at Carmen, and declaring:
I'm sick of your insane demands.
When can I go into the supermarket and buy what I need with my good looks?
America after all it is you and I who are perfect not the next world.
Your machinery is too much for me.
You made me want to be a saint.
There must be some other way to settle this argument.
He's leaping, he's loafing, soon he'll be on the road. In order to find the source of his machismo, he'll go to Venezuela, play the bongos with Hugo Chavez while Harry Belafonte sings the Banana Boat Song, and run around naked, chasing marmosets and sipping mimosas while eating samosas and pining for his ponderosa (reflecting on what a macho man that Michael Landon was). His competency and parking validated, he'll return home and howl. Just howl.
Posted by Sacki at 10:19 AM | Comments (3)July 05, 2006
There's No Manscape
To continue on the Furnace's theme, the reversal of the PC characters is ongoing. The former "manscaper" Winslow is now becoming a rough-n-rugged "macho" enthusiast. What's next? Eschewing his morning latte for some Dunkin' Donuts coffee? Fucking Dominican Republic whores with the aid of Viagra instead of painting the toenails of his many ex-wives? Hunting birds with a shotgun instead of with his bare hands? Oh wait. There's nothing macho about that last one.
At any rate, as the characters shift, PC sinks further and further into boredom, oblivion, irrelevance, asininity, stupidity.
Does Stantis care anymore? I wonder if he'll pull a Buckets and all-of-the-sudden transfer ownership and control to another "artist" while he goes and flits off to another assignment. You know how he is: always flitting from trend to trend. He's such a silly, goofy flip-flopper that Scott Stantis.
Posted by CJo at 09:37 AM | Comments (1)July 04, 2006
The More Things Change, The More They Stay The Same
Well there aren't any fireworks, but as predicted Stantis gives us a patriotic one off that took him about twenty minutes to slap together - including not even trying to draw the "Patriotic Three" (no clue what their real names are but you know who I'm talking about). For some reason Carmen is playing a rare six string bass (no wheels on her amp which is going to make marching a bit difficult) and Winslow is playing a giant orange toilet.
I'd like to take a moment to wish everyone a Happy 4th of July. The day we celebrate our independence. Lately though a lot of people have forgotten exactly why we had to declare our independence. We had a tyrannical leader who had no problem with stripping us of our freedoms so he could keep us under control. And oddly enough, his name was George. There's something else to keep in mind: there were people who didn't want us to break off from England. They LIKED the idea of having an all-powerful leader that told them what to do and kept their silence as long as King George "kept them safe" from the enemy.
The Founding Fathers did everything in their power to make sure something like that never happened again. They understood the importance of creating our unique Republic. Yet for some reason, we now have a group of leaders in positions of power that want us to return to the time of having an all-powerful leader. Maybe it's because it's the ultimate expression of their "Strict Father" belief system (while liberals believe in the "Nurturing Mother"). Or maybe it's because they despise the concept of a government that allows other opinions than their own.
Only a few weeks ago a "friend" of mine essentially called me a terrorist. Why? It took me some thinking to figure that out, but I think I have. Conservatives/Republicans/Neo-cons, whatever you want to call them, believe three things: it truly is "you're either with us or against us," they're always right, and there is ONLY one way to do things - their way.
My friend's argument was that since I disagree with him on so many points (universal healthcare, torturing our enemies, unnecessary tax cuts for the rich), then I must agree with the terrorists. Seriously, that was his logic. And it's not just him. Listen to the Republicans in Congress and this Administration and in general. A surprisingly large number of them feel the same way. Look at Bush and Social Security. He spent the first half of 2005 running around telling us that SS was broken. And the American people in general said, "Yeah, there are some problems, let's try to fix it." So Bush's Plan A: privatize, of course. And the American people said, "No." Bush's Plan B: NOTHING. Instead, he just abandoned it. Now it's a year later, and his new plan: Privatize it.
Bush doesn't care what the American people want - his way is privatization. And he's right - only corporations can save us. And if the American people don't see that, screw 'em - he'll keep plugging away at it until people understand that his is the only way.
Try applying that mentality to most Republican platforms. It works, unfortunately. Iraq is an obvious example. If we redeploy, you're a terrorist because their plan is stay the course (with no course outlined), and stay the course is the best plan because Bush says so. The President MUST be allowed to illegally spy on us. He decided he needs to "hunt down the terrorists," so we must believe him. There is no other way - like getting a warrant and having oversight. And if you disagree, then by golly you want the terrorists to win! Even though we all live in America and that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.
This isn't policy. It's the kind of thing people said back before 1776. If you don't believe in King George, you're a traitor. He's always right, and his way is the only way. Because he's King, and he knows better. That's not what America is about. We've always been about open dialogue, compromise, and getting things done because there's more than one way to skin a cat. And that's what I want to celebrate this 4th of July. I want to remember what our Founding Fathers stood for: we're together in this, all sides have ideas that can work, and if we work together we'll find the right solution. That's America to me.
Happy 4th.
Posted by The Furnace at 08:27 AM | Comments (6)July 03, 2006
How Does He Keep Up With the News Like That?
This is DJ 3000 from KBBL, filling in for Scott Stantis over the loooooong holiday weekend.
Hey, hey. How about that weather out there?
Woah! THAT was the caller from hell.
Well, hot dog! We have a weiner.
Those clowns in congress did it again. What a bunch of clowns.
This is DJ 3000, America. Good night and good luck.
Posted by CJo at 09:21 AM | Comments (3)July 02, 2006
Make It Good
Boy, Stantis isn't making it easy for me this weekend. We get another throwaway strip, this time Winslow making a wet dog hair joke after a desert rain. I mean I guess that's kinda funny, at least for Prickly City. But I dunno - maybe I've become so disillusioned by how bad it is every day that I'm not even able to enjoy something that looks like it should be funny to me but isn't.
The only thing that struck me as odd: isn't the US Southwest in the middle of a horrible drought? Yup: just check out the map here. In fact, Arizona has been in one for eleven years now. Now I realize that it's not a huge deal and since the gang of two is in the desert it's just a joke based on Stantis's memory of living in there, but how would you feel if you cracked open the newspaper this morning and saw this? Probably nothing, since I doubt people even read this strip anymore unless it's to make fun of it.
Since I put on the Future Goggles yesterday, I'm kind of stuck as to how to pad today's entry. Maybe we should revisit the "How would YOU improve Prickly City?" It's been a few months, and somehow it's actually gotten worse. Here are a few suggestions:
- Stay on the path you're on now Stantis: Carmen is the straight man, Winslow is the goofball. That's right: REMOVE THEIR POLITICAL AFFILIATIONS. Otherwise you're going to have to make Carmen the fool since the Republicans are the ones that are acting foolish lately.
- Don't rely on the two week old stories. I know, I know - it takes that long to scribble this. But there are bigger stories that last months on end that you can tackle. The government is still spying on us - you're against that as a conservative, right Mr. Stantis? Things are still not going well in Iraq - oops, sorry, you can't go there anymore. The Republicans in Congress are still corrupt (I should have added William Jefferson and Dennis Hastert to yesterday's predictions, btw). Cheney is still calling the shots. So stop focusing on one tiny little story nobody cares about anymore and give us the big picture.
- Bring in another character. Carmen and Winslow can't carry the load anymore. They're boring. It's almost to the point where Winslow can ramble and act the fool while Carmen simply sighs. Don't bring back Dio, don't bring back that weird silent duck, for the love of god don't bring back Kevin. Come up with something new. Challenge yourself. Bring in an armadillo who represents the American people and their fear of everything (thanks to Bush) and how he just wants to hide in his shell and let W protect him. You can call him Artie. Or how about a foreigner - maybe kangaroo who keeps asking, "THIS is how you do it in America? I thought you guys were supposed to be cool."
- Start the mayoral campaign. Let it get down and dirty on both sides. Question the voting booths. Question the mudslinging. Question lobbyists and corporations and their "donations." Don't do it for just a week - make it last a month. Show how it can tear apart these characters, maybe with the new character pushing them apart. And then at the end, have them both realize that even though it was horrible and nearly tore them apart that they should still be friends.
Then they hug. And Carmen stabs Winslow in the back.
What are your thoughts on how to improve Prickly City?
July 01, 2006
I'd Rather Be Flying
Today's a blow off strip, some sound gag about Winslow and a dog whistle (although I doubt that's how a coyote would look if he heard one, but whatever). So you know what that means...Future Goggles!
(For the sake of our own sanity, let's assume that Carmen is a conservative while Winslow is a liberal. At least for starters.)
- Carmen's laptop, containing all of the vital information of the occupants of her homeless shelter, is "stolen." For some reason Carmen doesn't really care, while Winslow worries it's terrorists. The laptop then mysteriously reappears, and Carmen tells everyone at the shelter that everything is fine - just as ten thousand credit cards with a 19.99% interest (with adjustable rates!) show up at their door. Oh, and there are already thousand dollar charges on each that somehow went to Carmen's mayoral election campaign.
- The news of two American soldiers being kidnapped in Iraq hits the town hard. No, wait - you know what? Even I know this isn't something you can talk about in a comic strip, at least not one as slapdash as Prickly City.
- Carmen will talk about how crazy Robert F. Kennedy Jr. is for believing that the 2004 election was stolen. She'll just laugh and laugh at him, telling him to "get over it" and wonder just how insane he is. Of course she'll never offer up any explanations for RFK's points, and Winslow will nod along because he's a stupid stinky liberal who only does what Carmen wants. At the end of the week Winslow asks Carmen if there's any chance he'll lose their mayoral race because of rigged electronic voting machines, and she'll call him crazy and laugh in his face. She'll then slip the Diebold director a thousand bucks she stole off of one of those credit cards.
- Stantis won't talk about it, but I wish he would bring up that memo the WaPo published saying how horrible things really are in Baghdad. Instead he'll focus on Bush's "surprise" trip where he had to secretly fly in during the middle of the night - didn't even tell the new leader of Iraq - stayed a few hours walking around the heavily secured compound, then took off again when the photo-op was finished. Stantis will find a way to call our President "brave" and "dreamy."
- Jack Abramoff's buddy and White House official David Safavian was found guilty...ha ha ha - did you actually think I was going to include this? Everyone else has already forgotten that somebody in the WH was convicted of a crime, which hasn't happened in what, a century?
- Ohhh, but I have a feeling I know where Stantis is going to go this week. It was about two weeks ago that Dan Rather left CBS. Wonderful. Has Stantis ever actually gotten a laugh out of a Dan Rather reference? So look for a tall, headless reporter wearing suspenders talking about "the frequency Kenneth" and faked Texas National Guard papers, nevermind that they never did disprove that Bush was AWOL (I think we all just accept that Bush is a coward). Okay, I know I'll get some flack for that last coward line. But it cost our government a MILLION dollars to train W to fly and he never saw a minute of real combat. And these guys swiftboat Kerry and Murtha. Disgusting.
Anywho, odds are Stantis will at least take off the 4th and either re-run something from last year or throw up a single panel of Carmen and Winslow watching fireworks and talking about our freedom (nevermind the unfortunate use of fireworks to symbolize explosions while our servicemen and women have to deal with real explosions every day in a war based on lies). But what about the rest of the week? Any ideas? Please put the comments section to good use.
Posted by The Furnace at 08:51 AM | Comments (3)
picture courtesy of JB