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May 31, 2006
Killjoy was Here
Look out, folks! It's a tsunami of trial lawyers bringing a hurricane of lawsuits, flooding the land with the earthquake from their ambulance-chasing feet. If we don't stop them, they will holocaust tax payers billions of dollars. Tort reform is the only answer to the immigration debate.
Nice use of an asterisk by Stantis today. He reminds me of an equally-as-asinine Bruce Tinsley of Mallard Fillmore fame, who uses asterisks all the time to make points and provide backup for his dumbass, right-wing, mostly made-up claims.
I'm not saying Stantis made up the story about Mexico threatening to sue the U.S. for protecting its borders. It seems to pass a cursory Google News search. All I'm saying is that if Stantis is now borrowing from Tinsley he has hit rock bottom...possibly after falling into the crack in the earth caused by the earthquake from the trial lawyers.
Posted by CJo at 09:12 AM | Comments (2)May 30, 2006
"Mr. W., Put Up This Wall!"
And just like that it's over.
After spending Sunday applauding Stantis's growth as a comic strip writer and artist, it all falls apart only a day or two later. The Republicans in Congress get their fence, Carmen says they make good neighbors, and Winslow tells a lame joke I've heard more than a couple of times over the years. I can't wait to see Stantis draw Michael Moore without a shirt. I'm shivering in disgust already.
Bonus points to the person who can come up with the most creative thing that Carmen looks like in the first two panels. Her head looks like a bulb of some kind to me, but I can't put my finger on it. And don't even get me started on the mess that is the third panel, where Carmen is a cross between Napoleon and...heck, I don't even know - but she sure doesn't look like any little girls I've seen.
The obvious question: how the heck did Winslow get on the other side of the wall? See Scooter, this is EXACTLY why you introduced the freakin' alien last week! So you wouldn't have to deal with this kind of lazy writing! Instead he falls right back into his lazy azz ways, and it's getting really annoying. But if he didn't use Winslow he couldn't shoehorn in his "fat man watering" joke, something he's been desperate to use since he heard it on the Blue Collar Comedy Tour a few months back.
In the end I guess this means that Stantis is in favor of erecting our own Great Wall along the Mexican border. But where does he go from here with it? He set up the Hispanic Winslow a few weeks ago, and last week he brought in Opie the Alien - will they play into all of this, or will it be a week of Winslow showing how easy it is to get over the fence?
What I think would be cool is if for the rest of the week the comic strip looked fantastic and was hysterical, and then we'd find out at the end of the week that they hired an illegal to do the strip for $3.25 an hour. That would be sweet. I mean it couldn't get much worse than it is now, right? Although there's a good chance it would be in Spanish. But have you seen Mexican TV? Good stuff, especially Sabado Gigante. Bring on the blond Mexican babes in tight clothes!
Posted by The Furnace at 08:02 AM | Comments (3)May 29, 2006
It's No Fun Being an Illegal Alien
Happy Memorial Day.
Seeing as how Stantis took the day off (two weeks ago), we're doing the same.
Granted, he put together one panel and FedEx'd it to the syndicate, but today's strip is a good example of phoning it in...which is exactly what I'm doing, as I write this on my cell phone.
Posted by CJo at 08:08 AM | Comments (3)May 28, 2006
Mommy I'm Scared
Something terrifying is happening in our country. Well, two somethings.
The first is our federal government is spying on tens of millions of Americans illegally, monitoring our phone calls and lord knows what else.
The second: Scott Stantis wrote and drew a pretty good comic this morning.
After the mess that was yesterday's scribble-thon, today we get the best drawn Winslow - maybe ever. There's the creepy W operative on a classic telephone pole, and even a nifty reel-to-reel tape recorder. The dude got it right, even how the NSA spying scandal has worked for the administration since they started doing it.
Of course there are more than just two terrifying things. Our President thinks it's fine and dandy to arrest and imprison people without charging them with anything - ever. Torturing them is a-okay by him too, and why not ship them off to secret prisons in Europe to do it? He's cutting taxes for the rich when the poverty levels have gone up every year since he took over. Osama's still at large, and terrorist attacks have skyrocketed around the world. Oh, there are those little things known as Afghanistan and Iraq.
And that's just off the top of my head.
The NSA spy scandal is hopefully one of the issues that will piss off Americans regardless of political affiliation. For the folks that say, "Hey they're not listening in, and if it helps catch terrorists I'm all for it" - first off, they're not getting a warrant for all of this, so there's no way of knowing just what the hell they're doing with this information. Secondly, do you honestly trust W to simply stop at "monitoring?" Back in December they were simply monitoring calls from "known members of Al Qaeda overseas calling the US," now it's "EVERYBODY."
I think it's time for a Ben Franklin quote:
They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.
Posted by The Furnace at 09:08 AM | Comments (1)May 27, 2006
I Think I See Cleveland
We've all poked fun at Scott Stantis and his less-than stellar drawing abilities. Be it his Teddy Kennedy or Winslow fishing in the desert, at times Scooter comes across like a high school kid scribbling in the corners of his notebook, not a well-paid national comic strip artist.
Today is more of the same, but it's getting to the point that if by some miracle Stantis comes up with a decent joke it's hurt by his horrible drawing ability. Today's line is actually pretty funny, and is a nice conclusion to a week-long storyline that while unnecessary at least spared us more character flip-flops.
But look at this mess. Point by point:
- Carmen and Winslow are in a reject from The Jetsons - yet the only way we can even tell they're in there is because of Winslow's ears. Carmen is literally a smudge.
- Once again Stantis draws the moon to look like a banana with spots on it, or maybe an apple with a huge bite taken out of it. What the heck? The guy screws up the MOON?
- In the near future the earth will apparently be ravaged by not one, not two, but FOUR hurricanes.
- There's a very half-assed attempt at drawing North and South America. We can tell it's the U.S. because of the Great Lakes, even if Florida is somehow bigger than Mexico. Africa and Europe are a series of scribbles - he doesn't even ATTEMPT to draw them.
Okay I know, the point of the strip is the cutesy punchline and even if it's not drawn well we get the gist of it. But seriously - for newspapers across the country should this be acceptable? What if one day Doonesbury or the Boondocks or even Marmaduke was drawn like this? Really - can anyone name one nationally syndicated comic strip that is drawn as poorly as this one?
Unfortunately it comes back to my complaint that the only reason Prickly City is still around is because there's a need for a "conservative" comic strip to balance out all of the "liberals" (i.e. anyone who questions Bush). But yeesh - can't they find another conservative out there who can write coherent characters, come up with good storylines, and draw like a professional? Is that asking too much?
May 26, 2006
UFO --> Ugly Feminist with Opinions
Um.
Yeah, so.
Uh.
More Opie the Lost Alien of the Apocalypse.
Not sure what to make of any of this.
And as always, I do not by any means CARE.
Scott's t-shirt ideas sure dwindled at the end, too, which was very disappointing.
I had to look at his editorial cartoons for my fix. And wouldn't you know...he recently had someone wearing a "Pro Choice" t-shirt. And while the t-shirt isn't as "witty" as "Au H2O" it is pretty amusing to see who he has WEARING the shirt: the ugliest, butchiest, loud-mouthiest woman he could draw. It's almost as though he combined his depiction of Hillary Clinton with his rendering of Cindy Sheehan and threw in a little 'fattening of America.'
Let that be a lesson to all you femi-nazis out there. Stantis is gonna zing you with his masterpenstroke. Women are from Venus, you know. Why don't you go up where you belong.
Posted by CJo at 11:45 AM | Comments (2)May 25, 2006
Low Ebb, High Tide
CJo's recap of the hilarious assortment of t-shirts worn this week got me to thinking - what have I been up to?
May 4: Confess to not reading the strip on a regular basis
May 11: Rehash the recap of the Monday-Wednesday strips by CJo and tack on a hackneyed attack at Sheehan.
May 17: Reference Furnace's entry and tack on a hackneyed attack at cartoon character Carmen.
May 18: Reference Quadrophenia, West Side Story, The Outsiders, Stand and Deliver, and Twelfth Night. And tack on a picture of Ratt.
If I don't watch myself, someone's going to start a Sackville site and start complaining about me. And I'll be the first in line.
As far as today's strip: I don't get it. Do you?
Posted by Sacki at 09:06 AM | Comments (7)May 24, 2006
Uninformed Flailing Object
What a hilarious assortment of t-shirts Jesus the lost alien of the bird flu turtle apocalypse is wearing.
Monday: symbol for pi
Tuesday: a shout-out to Barry Goldwater
Wednesday: soylent green! (spoiler alert: it's people, people!!)
Whatever could be next? "I'm with liberal?" "I sneer at you?" "I'm shy but I have a big dick?"
Regardless of what t-shirt fun awaits us tomorrow and Friday, Stantis does give himself (and Carmen) a big zinger re: Iraq, which seems a little strange coming off his oh-so-thoughtful and insightful examination of the topic the last two weeks. Just to dismiss it all with a self-zinging line is...is...beautiful. You're just like us, Scott! We dismissed the last two weeks of your work too!
One of us...One of us...One of us...One of us...One of us...
You're with liberal. Come sneer at yourself with us, friend. We may be shy, but we have big......................hearts.
Posted by CJo at 08:06 AM | Comments (1)May 23, 2006
The Good Ol' Days...If That's What You Want to Call Them
Today it feels like Stantis heard a joke a few weekends ago, decided to steal it, and then shoehorned it into this week's storyline. I mean it's not a bad joke - Andy Griffith lines are "heh" worthy - but it has a complete been there/done that sort of feel. At least he's not talking about hamsters and weasels as metaphors for what's happening in Iraq.
I think the bigger hint of things to come is that Opie the Alien is a Barry Goldwater fan. Makes sense - Goldwater was a UFO fan. But where on Stantis's polltical spectrum do Opie and Goldwater stand? Well Goldwater is known as having helped "revolutionize" the Republican party, many saying he was 16 years too early since he was a big reason Reagan ended up in office in 1980. What's funny though is that it's actually the Democratic party that has a lot more in common with Goldwater's conservatives (and apparently Stantis's) than Bush's cronies. Goldwater was pro-choice, was in favor of socialized medicine, was for re-regulating big energy and media outlets, guaranteeing a minimum wage (and most likely raising it more than every 9 years), and wasn't one of these Religious Righties who think people should wait for marriage to have sex. Funny to think how the political winds change over time, and how Scott Stantis claims to be a conservative when his boy Bush's popularity ratings are down around 30%. He might just have to vote for Al Gore in 2008.
Please god, let Al Gore run in 2008.
So what do you guys think will happen this week with the new character that will only be around for a week because Stantis won't know what to do with him? Will there be more fat jokes? Or will he talk about "conservatives" and how they used to stand for something (that something being what many Dems stand for today)? Please put the comments section to good use with your suggestions, since they're always better than what Stantis comes up with.
Posted by The Furnace at 08:19 AM | Comments (4)
May 22, 2006
Heiny Bird
You know who's a real heiny bird? (Besides Jay Mariotti, of course.)
Scott Stantis.
Did you read the strip this morning? Scott Stantis is a real heiny bird. He flies around and around and around in circles until he flies up his own ass.
He spent the last two weeks going 'round and 'round on Iraq, flew square up his ass, then comes out with aliens, Roswell, and the fattening of America.
He may not deserve it for today's strip specifically, but believe me when I say he needs a sox in the jaw for a career of accumulated dickfacery.
And whoever punches him shall be hailed a hero forevermore.
Posted by CJo at 09:24 AM | Comments (4)May 21, 2006
Punch Drunk Loathe
After two weeks of Iraqdumbassery, we're left with the rotting corpse of another fly/can't fly/barely-philosophical Sunday color strip.
I'd sure like to sucker-punch that bitch Stantis in the jaw. That'd feel real good.
Posted by CJo at 08:35 AM | Comments (2)May 20, 2006
Evil Twin
Man, I go away for a couple of days and this Iraq storyline has dragged on and on and on into -- and hopefully ending -- today. Scott, you should have "cut and run" a week and a half ago, bro.
Apparently we've been off-the-mark regarding the flip-flop of Carmen's character. Maybe Carmen has remained the neo-conservative, liberal-hating (and baiting), Jebus loving, non-swearing, anti-thong crusader all along.
But she has an evil twin.
Witness today's strip. There's Carmen welcoming Winslow back from the war. You know, the same exact war at which Carmen has been by Winslow's side from Day One. The only explanation: it wasn't Carmen wearing the Press badge and badgering Winslow the last two weeks, it was Carmen's evil twin.
Anyway, if you get a chance, make sure to check out this week's podcast. Stantis seems mighty down and depressed, and he's getting shit from the Left and the Right AND Toby. I almost felt sorry for the chump. Almost.
Posted by CJo at 08:25 AM | Comments (1)May 19, 2006
Hamster Don't Surf
Reading today's strip I'm reminded of the opening scene in "Apocalypse Now" where Martin Sheen is have a nervous breakdown in a hotel room, thrashing about, breaking mirrors, losing his mind. That's how I imagine Scott Stantis trying to come to terms with just what the hell he's been trying to do over the past two weeks at Prickly City.
Yesterday things seemed to go back to normal. Carmen was the optimistic war cheerleader, saying next we should bring in more troops! Winslow on the other hand goes back to his liberal roots, calling to bring the troops home. Ah yes, all is well in the world of PC.
But then today happened.
We see Winslow, the pensive soldier, marching back and forth. He doesn't care what the Iraqis - er, I mean the hamsters think. He doesn't know a thing about their culture. In fact, they don't factor into his thinking at all (odd jump there, btw). So why can't he stop thinking about why they hate us?
Now I'm guessing Stantis intended to answer his own question today. Too many people anxious to invade Iraq to "liberate" the Iraqis and bring them "freedom" sort of forgot to actually consider what the Iraqis wanted. It would have been interesting to know if they would have preferred the tyrannical leadership of Saddam, or the deaths of 100,000 innocent men, women, and children that's led to a brutal civil war where dozens are dying every day. Not only did Bush and Co. not send enough troops, they didn't send enough translators. They didn't plan for desert warfare. They didn't send enough body armor. Hell, they didn't have an exit strategy. And now we're still there, with no plans for the future other than "stay the course" - even though we have no clue what that course is.
"Saigon. Shit. I'm still only in Saigon."
Congressman John Murtha, who called for the redeployment of our troops in Iraq six months ago, asked a simple question in his blog this past week: Does anyone think that things will be better 6 months from now?
Will he be asking the same question another six months from now? Six years?
Scott Stantis had a chance to tackle a very serious issue with some light-hearted humor while making an important point. But he failed miserably. Part of it is he can't keep his damn characters straight. And part of it is because he, like so many Bush supporters, can't reconcile the fact that they were wrong, and their mighty leader lied (misled, goofed, whatever word you want to use for "only listened to the info that told him what he wanted to hear instead of the mountain that said we had no good reason to invade"). Now we're stuck in Viet Nam #2 with Bush saying it'll be up to future presidentS to decide the fate of Iraq.
"The horror...the horror..."
May 18, 2006
The Furnace Knows What I'm Talking 'Bout
I tells ya, I'm almost tired of all this pussyfooting and sophistry taking place over the course of the last two weeks' worth of strips. Not quite, but almost.
It reminds me of my youth many moons ago on a long off shore, where my best bud was a mod and living in a world of rockers. But the mods and rockers did not get along. In the midst of this rivalry my pal Jimmy, falls in love with a beautiful rocker girl, Maria. After a fight between the Mods and the Rockers, Jimmy ends up killing Maria's brother, Bernardo. Bitter over losing Maria's love and the death of Bernardo, Maria's Puerto Rican suitor, Chino, shoots Jimmy dead. After all of that goes down, Jimmy's pals Dave, Chalky and Spider challenge Ponyboy, Sodapop and Darry to meet by the flagpole after school at 5.15 to settle the score. Teacher Jaime Escalante sees the situation, however, and will not sit idly by while this goes down, knowing that it's time to stand and deliver. After 12 nights of practice, he brings the competing factions together for a talent show, where the truth is finally revealed that Cesario is actually Viola, who professes her love for America.
Smoke on your pipe and put that in!
Posted by Sacki at 10:36 AM | Comments (4)May 17, 2006
Peter Piper's Proactive Paradigms
One, Shrubville needs to be louder, angrier, and have access to a time machine. Two, whenever Shrubville doesn't have a new entry, all the readers should be asking "Where's Shrubville?"
With that in mind, let's pick up and travel back in time to see where the Team Shrubville Action News Team left off yesterday. Okay...we have a darling youngster drawing a colorful penis and a reference by the Furnace to a "Big Boy Comic Strip Artist Writing Utensil." I won't touch that one with Winslow's fly swatter.
Now let's span time and return to the present day's strip. Can have a good result, says Carmen. Freedom of religion, says Carmen. Bad ideas are armed, says Carmen. One, she talks too much. Yak yak yak. And to think people are upset when it's said that women shouldn't be allowed on the frontline. Anyhow, back to the points above, is she making an argument for or against occupation and/or 'liberation'? Seems they could have had freedom of religion before the bad idea of sending armed troops over there took place. It's a pithy little phrase tho, to match Winslow's helmet, that sounds pleasant and if uttered frequently enough seems to make some sort of mystical sense. Frankly, I'm still trying to figure out "Forgive us our trespasses."
Posted by Sacki at 10:19 AM | Comments (3)May 16, 2006
If You Think It's So Easy, Why Don't YOU Write a Comic Strip! Okay.
The sad thing is Scott Stantis is probably somewhere patting himself on the back for his current "controversial" look at the war in Iraq. Hopefully he twists it so badly he won't be able to draw. Again. Ever.
I've long accused Stantis of being a lazy azz writer, and today is a perfect example. Here he basically has Winslow monologing - speaking directly to the audience and providing exposition as to what's happening off screen while Carmen just sits there. He tells us that the coyotes have finally realized that the Shi'ites, Sunnis, and Kurds don't really care for each other - wow, Stantis and his timely revelations. Part of Toby's job should be to buy him a new Bloom County calendar every year since the one from 2004 is a little dated now.
Today's strip could have been different. It could have told the exact same story, but actually made use of the fact that Winslow is supposed to be a warmongering apologist and Carmen the plucky young rebelling journalist. How? I'm going to pick up the If I Were A Big Boy Comic Strip Artist Writing Utensil (patent pending) and see what I can come up with.
- Panel 1 -
Winslow, decked out in his army fatigues, stands behind a podium. Behind him hangs a sign with the words "Mission Accomplished" hanging, the words "Almost" hand-written in. In front of him sits a gaggle of reporters. Plucky young reporter Carmen sits among them.
Winslow: Next question!
Carmen: Private Winslow, is it true that the coyotes' war against the hamsters has hit another snag?
- Panel 2 -
Winslow shakes his head, perturbed.
Winslow: No, no...
Carmen: Is there anything to the rumor that the coyotes didn't realize the ethnic divide between the gray and biege hamsters was so severe?
- Panel 3 -
Winslow: Well, it does seem they REALLY don't like each other. But who could have known?
Carmen: Um, shouldn't YOU have known?
- Panel 4 -
A group of large, burly coyotes grab Carmen and drag her off panel.
Winslow: No liberal media in these press conferences!
Carmen: Please, not G'itmo! I promise I'll be good!
****
Now granted I'm not some big fancy schmany comic strip writer, but wouldn't that at least be a change from Winslow and Carmen telling us everything instead of doing something? There used to be a time when Stantis would actually make the effort to have something going on, but now he just plops the coyote and the little neo-con tot down in the middle of the panel and they just tell us what's going on. Booor-ing. Man, if you're going to be unfunny and non-sensical, at least make it readable.
May 15, 2006
Arretez-vous, s'il vous plait
Whooaaaaaa, Nellie. Mercy. What a pun. Merci, Scott; you've brightened my otherwise dreary day with your word play.
Of course, my day was dreary because of you and your bullshit strip.
In today's new adventures in Hi-Fi, Winslow -- who started the war to begin with -- is now accepting advice from the press in the form of Carmen.
I will now give the only response I can muster:
Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?
?????????????????????
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Somebody -- preferrably Universal Press Syndicate -- make this stop.
Posted by CJo at 09:35 AM | Comments (3)May 14, 2006
Chuck Norris CAN Touch This
Maybe I should have just reused that picture from "Scanners" I put up on Tuesday to sum up today's strip.
First off, Stantis makes MC Hammer jokes.
Secondly, we see liberal/neo-con Winslow's global military strategy: the best offense is a good defense. Seeing as how he's nailing down his checker pieces, it sounds like isolationism to me - something liberals are accused of endorsing. Then again, Bush is going to call for putting National Guards at our Mexican border to keep people out. So who knows what the hell Stantis is trying to say this morning.
JB posed the question yesterday of how Stantis could still tell his stories, keep his characters straight, and still try to keep Carmen from looking like an idiot since she's been carrying Bush's water all this time. My suggestion? Bring in another character. Make it the current mayor that they both hate. I don't care if it's a human or an animal, just make it represent the White House and everything stupid and illegal it's doing. At first Carmen can go along with nearly everything they do, Winslow can point out that it's wrong, and then she can come around when she realizes that the mayor doesn't give a damn about her - it just wants as much money and power as it can get.
Of course, Stantis would choose for the mayor to be played by a donkey - he'd joke because it's a jackass, but we all know it's because he wants to blame the Democratic Donkey for EVERYTHING that's wrong in this country. A country that's been ruled by Republicans for the past 5 years.
Anybody else have ideas how how to make Prickly City better? Other than firing Scott Stantis.
Posted by The Furnace at 09:43 AM | Comments (0)May 13, 2006
Stantis Heat
The turn is complete. The formerly liberal Winslow has flown the "Mission Accomplished" banner, and the former conservative Carmen says he was premature. Of course next week if/when they run for mayor, if a Democrat did something stupid two weeks ago it'll be Winslow that's doing it because heaven forbid Stantis's little proxy Carmen do anything wrong. Lil' bitch.
Unfortunately, today's strip tells us something else about Stantis. What happened two weeks ago? That's right - the anniversary of Bush on the aircraft carrier with his precious banner. So, instead of looking ahead like everyone else and planning for his criticism of the handling of the Iraq war by Republicans to run the same week - lazy azz Stantis was caught with his pants down and is trying to play catch up. Note to Scooter: most of us have realized the Republicans screwed the pooch on this a few years ago. But it's nice to see you're finally come around to realizing that YOUR president is the worst in history.
I've noticed something the past few weeks in the comments section. This isn't about not liking Stantis because of his politics. Maybe at first it was, but not anymore.
There's a term in pro wrestling called "X-Pac heat." Now heat is the term for the crowd reaction - the more heat, the better. If you're a heel (a bad guy), you want as much heat as possible - if they boo your character, great. If they throw stuff, even better (except for batteries and spark plugs - those just hurt). However in the late 90s there was a wrestler known as X-Pac (aka Sean Waltman, aka the guy in love with that freak of nature Chyna). At first he was just a bad guy, getting booed along with the other heels - like he wanted. But then people started to personally hate HIM. They weren't booing the character - they were booing Sean Waltman. And that's a horrible sign, because no matter what he did in the ring, the crowd was going to hate him no matter what - because they didn't like him anymore. So now whenever a wrestler goes out there and the entire audience goes quiet only to boo the guy because they don't want him in their ring, it's called X-Pac Heat.
That's what Stantis has right now. The majority of us aren't bitching about his politics anymore, we're complaining because the guy can't keep his characters straight and makes Winslow his patsy for everything he doesn't like - even when it's his precious conservative side that's doing it. On top of that, it's only after a third of the country (29% in some polls) are the ones left supporting Bush that Stantis grows a pair of wrinklies and starts criticizing Bush's war. It's to the point that as readers we're not as interested in what he's going to be discussing politically or what jokes he might try to tell - we're there to see how badly he's going to screw things up while not being funny.
And if we're all feeling that, how do you think the rest of the country that reads his stuff in the morning is starting to feel?
Posted by The Furnace at 09:11 AM | Comments (1)May 12, 2006
Slam-Dunk Document
Maybe those fellas from Athens, GA were on to something after all. It's the End of the World as We Know It: check. Welcome to the Occupation: check. Exhuming McCarthy: check.
Those crackers from GA were all over this in 1.9.8.7. Amazing. Whereas this cracker from AL is trying his best to scribble along with the times, furiously trying to catch up to 2003, having spent the last three years on automatic (for the conservative people), concentrating on the mental health of Sheehan, the girth of Moore, the screams of Dean, the frankenstein of Kerry, the ambulance chasing of Edwards, and the fad-hopping, trend-glomming, latte-drinking of liberals everywhere.
Not sure what caused him to wake up and give a shit. Frankly, I don't care. This week is bullshit. It makes no sense. It's not funny. It's not poignant. He's reconstructing the fables for no purpose. It's just the pathetic murmur of a man hopelessly out-of-time, just now catching up with the reckoning.
Ah, the rich pageantry of the comic strip writers [sic] life: getting up, sniffing green markers, drawing monsters, revealing nothing.
Posted by CJo at 10:28 AM | Comments (7)May 11, 2006
Be Like Mike
As nicely summed up by the incomparable CJo yesterday, the week thus far has been about the following:
Monday: Must respond to unprovoked attacks
Tuesday: Must free the people from opressive regime
Wednesday: Must find WMDs
Today, we add:
Thursday: Must slam dunk
Take away the WMDs (aka BLTs) and it sounds awfully like Sudan or Afghanistan to me. Oh, but those are good fights.
Save us Wonder Woman!
May 10, 2006
Swat
OK, Maybe Mr. S. is more subtle than I give him credit for. Here's Winslow's evolving rationale for war:
Monday: Must respond to unprovoked attacks
Tuesday: Must free the people from opressive regime
Wednesday: Must find WMDs
Alas, this all could be a result of sloppy writing, but maybe he is making a subtle point after all.
However, it still doesn't explain liberal Winslow turning into a Hawk. Not that any explanation is necessary. He doesn't need to stay true to his character. Don't pigeonhole him. Don't fence him in. Don't tread on him.
Subtlety or not, I'm still having a hard time caring. Winslow, put that flyswatter to good use; shoo away that blue-tailed fly. Stantis crack(er)s corn and I don't care.
Posted by CJo at 08:25 AM | Comments (2)May 09, 2006
It's Just Like Hart/Austin '97 - NOT
Yup, he's going there.
Like an intrepid child dipping his toes into the deep end of the pool and then jumping off the edge without knowing how to swim, Scott Stantis is finally going to tackle the wars we're fighting in the Middle East. And, much like Bush's war efforts, it's already and unmitigated disaster.
As CJo pointed out yesterday, it doesn't make any sense for Winslow the anti-war liberal to be the one enlisting. I mean, it's not like he's autistic and doesn't know any better.
Today Stantis puts away the spoon and gets out the shovel to shove more of his crap down our gullets. He talks about how the coyotes will invade the hamsters (is he allowed to use that word "invade?") and how they'll be treated as liberators. Yup, he's referencing Cheney AND Rumsfeld. But who's questioning his rosy outlook? Carmen. NEO-CON TOT CARMEN. Even when Winslow misquotes the famous "chocolates and flowers" line it's Carmen who doubts his plan of attack. She then thinks to herself that he should be careful they don't blow Winslow up too much instead of greating him as a liberator.
Once again we get the whole "if the Administration does something I don't like NOW (because we all know Stantis was a big cheerleader for the war, much like Carmen at the time) then Winslow will be the one doing it so I can get on my high horse and make fun of him."
But is there something else going on here? Using a pro wrestling (or, if you prefer, sports entertainment) term, is he pulling a "double turn?" This might be the week that we see Stantis turn Carmen into a moderate Democrat and Winslow a red-blooded neo-con, so he can make that formerly silly stinky stupid Winslow into the butt of all of his jokes - since the Republicans are the ones that are pissing him off. It's a ballsy move, but sadly Stantis doesn't have the muchos...juevos grandes to pull it off.
So for those of you reading at home, Carmen objected to us invading Afghanistan and Iraq because she knows we wouldn't have been greeted as liberators and they would instead attack us like we're the enemy. Winslow on the other hand was one of the greatest cheerleaders to go to war, so much so that he enlisted to fight the "extremists" (Al Qaeda) who obviously had ties to Saddam - who had ties to 9/11.
Fuck you, Stantis.
May 08, 2006
No Idea
Well, well, well. After a podcast in which he lectured his readers that we just aren't getting the subtlety of his jokes (you see, folks... Winslow, the coyote, shouldn't be pigeonholed as a coyote; there are coyote stereotypes and not all coyotes fit the mold; he's an individual; get it, morons?), Stantis tackles the Iraq War. He claims this week is chock full of not only more subtlety but also "symbolism!" I bet this week's series will be discussed in High School English classes for centuries to come.
But wait...Winslow, the silly, goofy liberal who follows the commands of Rob Reiner and Tim Robbins and is therefore anti-Iraq war, is enlisting? And the reason they are fighting this war -- as proclaimed by the silly, goofy liberal -- is to respond to "unprovoked attacks of the extremist[s]"?
He's talking about the attack on the Al-Qaeda training camps in Afghanistan, right? RIGHT?? I mean, he can't be talking about the Iraq war. He just. can't. be.
If he IS referencing the Iraq war, then either I'm a dumb reader who continues not to get his subtlety and symbolism, or Stantis is still a simple-minded shill, parroting the talking points of the Men in Charge.
YOU make the call.
Posted by CJo at 08:41 AM | Comments (4)May 07, 2006
10 Points For Anyone Who Can Explain Today's Strip
Excuse my french but - what the fuck?
Does anybody know what the heck is going on with today's Prickly City? Winslow finds the bleached skull of a long-dead steer and asks it questions like it's Yorick, only to have Carmen come up and make fun of him. Huh?
What the heck is all of this supposed to mean? Is Winslow acting as if the skull of a steer from centuries ago? Millennia? Does he mistake it for a dinosaur bone? Maybe he thinks it's the devil's skull. Or maybe Richard Nixon.
This is just one more example of Stantis half-assing it. He came up with a cutesy idea (Winslow seeking advice from the dead) only to have Carmen come in for one panel to make him look foolish, followed by Winslow's comeback. Scott, I think someone should introduce you to a little tool called "rewriting." Why would Winslow think this skull would have any answers? We know Winslow isn't the only talking animal in the desert - heck, some coyotes speak Spanish. And after having Winslow bitch about stereotyping animals, you've got Carmen saying every cow says "moo." If that's the case, why even ask the skull...
Oh nevermind. This is crap, pure and simple. Families across the country who pay good money for their subscriptions are going to open up today's paper and say, "What the heck? At least Marmaduke's funny." It still boggles my mind that Stantis makes a living off of this. Normally I'm not so critical (ha), but this has got to stop. The guy's actually getting in to MORE newspapers - how is that possible? Does anyone in charge actually read this shit? Or are they told "we need another conservative strip - we've been told to go with Prickly City until 2006 and the Dems take over." In any event, get used to more and more crap from Stantis.
I didn't listen to the podcast because I could really care less what Stantis plans on tackling this week. Do we really want to see him talking about Iraq? Or high oil prices? This after weeks of talking about people using bad words and Winslow being a coyote pack's whiny bitch. The guy's a hack as CJo has said time and time again, and it's not even fun to make fun of him anymore. I feel dumber for reading this strip. Before it was amusing to see how lame his jokes would be - now it's to the point that it's hard to read.
Thanks for ruining my Sunday morning, Stantis. Heck, for ruining every morning.
Posted by The Furnace at 08:08 AM | Comments (1)May 06, 2006
It's C-Span, Not C-Sand
Sorry for the lateness of today's posting - not that anyone wakes up first thing in the morning on a Saturday to see what Stantis or I have written.
Much like the rest of the "fish out of water" storyline we've been fed this week - most of which resulted in jokes that write themselves - we find out that Winslow is back home because he missed his cable. At least he's home in time to see the season finale' of Veronica Mars - who killed the kids on the bus???
Today's strip isn't necessarily bad, it's just shrug-worthy. It's better than Winslow missing his video game "Lard Blaster 3000" (seriously, does anybody remember that piss-poor punchline?). Maybe after Stantis set our expectations so high - and then delivered coyotes with their legs on backwards and the largest animal in the desert (what, did that pack break into the zoo and take down a wildebeest?) - we were bound to be let down.
But hey, we get Carmen and Winslow running for mayor next week - right? Or will he trash everything to go after Stephen Colbert? Oh please oh please oh please let it be Colbert...
May 05, 2006
AhhhhhhhhhWoo
OK, fine. Here goes. "Ha ha ha ha." There; I said it; I complimented this strip. In fact, I'll go one step further: "Nice pun on the 'free roaming.'" And...fine...one more: "I'm glad the coyote's legs aren't upside-down."
I'll grant this strip a C+, which graded on the Stantis curve (since he has sucked from bottle-to-thumb-to-scribbling-strips) is an A-.
Charles...good call on the coyotes' upside-down legs being the same as Dogzilla's from The Buckets.
The Buckets -- created and originally drawn/written by Stantis -- was one of the original "Punch My Corn Flakes Box" strips. We may rake Scott over the coals for his shoddy art and writing in PC, but it was 100x worse in The Buckets, which featured the UGLIEST cast of characters this side of Drabble.
Father? Fat-n-ugly.
Grandfather? Decrepit-n-ugly.
Dogzilla? Coyote ugly.
Mother? Rip-out-your-eyes-with-corner-of-Corn-Flakes-box ugly.
But special scorn shall be heaped upon the Bucket children: Toby and Eddie. Eddie was an imbecilic, goo-goo-googly-eyed, inanity-spouting little cretin. And Toby morphed from a snot-nosed, knee-skinned little shithead into a sullen, bowl-cutted fuckwit teen, all within the span of a week. And then he'd be a kid again. And then a teen. Back and forth, back and forth, all depending on what was convenient for the storyline. (That sounds kind of familiar, actually...)
Seeing those two little freaks running around the comic strips scared me off of having children for ten years. In fact, the very day the Chicago Tribune stopped running The Buckets (what a glorious day!!), I stopped punching the Corn Flakes box and I went and impregnated the first woman I saw.
Posted by CJo at 09:38 AM | Comments (3)May 04, 2006
...For Me To Poop On
To be honest, I don't read the Prickly City on a daily basis. I haven't looked at it in about...7 days. I do, however, read the Shrubville on a daily basis. Seems that there's an 'artistic' bent to the panels this week, from what my sources tell me, featuring fanciful pranciful coyotes. Yet that still hasn't prepared me for what I'm looking at today.
Listen, if I wanted to read a comic with a story line, I'd be over at Mary Worth. I just want a larf. Don't make me turn to Love Is....
Posted by Sacki at 09:20 AM | Comments (6)May 03, 2006
MmmmmmmmmmmmOBA
Boy, Scott sure was right about this week (as mentioned in his podcast). How about that art, eh? Fancy, fancy art. Look at the hind legs of the coyotes in the first panel. Pure brilliance. You see...they're running! Running with their torsos twisted so their front paws are on the ground but their hind paws are paddling in the air. (So THAT'S why coyotes are so fast!)
And how about the perspective in the second panel. Wowee. It's like the coyotes are reaching out to grab 'ya. (With their upside-down hind paws! Awwwwwwwwww! It's scary!) And loookout! Here comes Winslow running right into my bowl of Corn Flakes! Duuuuuuck, reader!
Panel three is great too. The coyotes with their stick-like front legs (has Stantis been watching PBS' "Nature"????) are ferociously growling at Winslow, quite possibly because his mouth is open so wide. You're making the coyotes angry, Winslow! Close your gaping maw!
My only quibble with the art is panel four. The moon is good to see, but where's the PC blimp??
At any rate, this is -- as Scott said -- top-notch art. This strip should be hanging in a museum somewhere.
Posted by CJo at 08:28 AM | Comments (10)May 02, 2006
My Head Hurts
Oh my freakin' lord - can someone help me pick up all of the hair I just yanked out of my head? Frustration, thy name is Stantis.
Winslow wants to join up with a blood thirsty pack. Carmen assumes the White House Press Corps. HUH????? Sweet Baby Jeebus, how amazingly disconnected IS Stantis? Has he been watching the same White House Press Corps I've been watching since Bush took office?
On top of that, he has Winslow say he's afraid of Helen Thomas. WINSLOW. LIBERAL. AFRAID OF LIBERAL HERO HELEN THOMAS. The only woman in the press corp with the BALLS to ask the hard questions, like directly asking Bush why we really went into Iraq - and he couldn't give a straight answer!
So yes, we get a week of Stantis making fun of the Washington Press. You know what Scoots, you could not have picked an absolute worst week to do it. Know why? Because Stephen Colbert DESTROYED them AND President Bush this past weekend at the White House Correspondents Dinner. Someone FINALLY had muchos...juevos grandes to go after them and not pull any punches. AND he was hysterical doing it (unless you watch Fox or are a Republican - then he "bombed").
I think we all know the Press hasn't just given Bush a free ride since he took office, they've been complicit in his actions. They were the biggest cheerleaders into the run up to the War in Iraq and they're still covering his ass. I mean it was one year ago yesterday that the Downing Street Memos were released proving that the facts were being fixed around the policy, but it wasn't until the blogs made a huge deal about it that the mainstream media said anything - weeks later. Oh, and let's not forget what other anniversary happened yesterday:
Blood thirsty canines? Sorry, but you're sure not describing the Washington Press Corps. I've seen reporters on Entertainment Tonight ask harder hitting questions and do more follow up than half the losers in that bunch. And then you top it all off with the cherry on top: Jeff Gannon/James Guckert. Yeah, and Winslow is afraid of Helen Thomas.
And you know what just hit me that makes today's strip even more stupid? It was just a few weeks ago that Winslow was talking about HIS pack hired illegal aliens. So why is he joining another coyote pack? Huh? Maybe this time he's joining a neo-con pack, led by Karl Rove. Nah, then that would make sense - and we know that Stantis can't have that in his strips. Worst. Comic. Strip. Writer. Ever.
Posted by The Furnace at 08:07 AM | Comments (6)May 01, 2006
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm'ass
For someone who is so hung up on the coarsening of our culture, Stantis sure has a hard-on for ass-licking. Ass-licking: it's the new "8-year-olds in thongs."
I'm reminded of those guys who are anxious to let the world know that they're anti-gay ("fag this, fag that, fag-fag-fag-fag"), but if you were to strap a measuring tape to the their penises and put some gay porn on the VCR, they'd pop bONers with not only capital O's but also capital N's.
But back to ass-licking. Stantis has come a long way. He's gone from licking the ass of the Bush administration to standing on his own two feet and licking his own ass. Congratulations, amigo.
Next up: learning how to hammer ____ up his ass.
Posted by CJo at 09:03 AM | Comments (3)
picture courtesy of JB