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April 30, 2006
Y Indeed
Stantis finally addresses the elephant in the room, and we find out where Winslow doesn't get all of his wonderful flying toys. That don't work. Yup, a coyote in the desert using weird contraptions in an effort to do something he'll never accomplish. No clue why I keep accusing the guy of ripping off other comics.
So word is we're finally going to get Carmen taking on Winslow in the mayoral race in Prickly City. Ho hum.
Sorry folks but I'm phoning this entry in today. There just isn't much to talk about. The mayoral thing was a good idea a few months ago, but I don't see how Stantis is going to make it interesting. He's not going to tackle the Republican phone jamming scandal. He's not going to have the old mayor accused of bribery and having a prostitution ring. He might go after the mayor of New Orleans again, but like I said - so one month ago. There will probably be a controversy over the final vote, and it might go in front of the Supreme Court - which would be sooo six years ago. But hey - when was the last time he told an Al Gore joke? But if the guys at South Park can't be funny making fun of Gore how can we expect Stantis to?
Maybe Scooter will surprise us. Maybe he'll have Carmen and Winslow team up as a super card, taking on the incumbent Bush-loving Republican (since Stantis doesn't seem to consider Bush *his* president anymore) like a McCain/Lieberman ticket. Which would be appropriate - a neo-con (Carmen/McCain) joining forces with a guy that claims he's a Democrat yet acts like a Republican most of the time (Winslow/Lieberman). Nah. Instead he'll probably spend the week talking about how Carmen is a conservative, not a Republican, but that doesn't matter because she's an AMERICAN. Just like Stantis.
An unfunny American, of course.
April 29, 2006
Dangerous Minds
Journey with me now into the hallowed halls of California State University - Long Beach, where the "Writing Comic Strips 101" class has just begun. The students quietly rush into the room - they're in for a special treat. Today their instructor has arranged for a guest speaker.
"Students, please take your seats," their teacher orders as the last few stragglers stream in. "Now, can any of you name THE best political comic strip today?"
Several hands shoot up.
"Doonesbury?" someone yells. "Mallard Fillmore?" cries another, "or Boondocks?" "Marmaduke?" yells one smart ass.
"No no no," the teacher scolds them, shaking his head. "I want you all to please welcome THE best comic writer in the business today - and a graduate of our very own Cal State U - Prickly City creator Scott Stantis!"
The teacher begins to clap, ushering Scott up to the podium. The students look at each other baffled, but politely applaud their almost-famous celebrity guest. Scott walks up to the front of the room, absorbing the love of his fellow alum. However once up to the podium, he leans over to the professor and whispers into his ear.
"You what?" the professor asks. "What do you mean you never graduated?" he exclaims, unaware that it's loud enough for everyone to hear. Mr. Stantis politely shoves the old man out of the way, soaking up the love and adulation of his almost-alums.
"Thank you, thank you," Scott smiles, adjusting his bow tie. "I just flew in and boy are my arms tired." The room goes silent. Someone farts. The students giggle. Scott adjusts his bow tie again. "I'd like to start things off with a basic comedic rule I learned a long time ago, although it wasn't in this class since it wasn't here when I first attended Cal State U. For some reason they thought they should have it after I left, I'm not sure why. In any event, this rule is something I think everyone can use and I guarantee it will make you a funnier comedic writer. Are you ready?"
The young minds lean forward in their seats, not wanting to miss a word of Mr. Stantis's comic wisdom.
"I'll start you off with a question. Who can name a funny TV show theme song that everyone knows and everyone can sing?"
The students look at each other. Soon, answers are being shouted out.
"Cheers?"
"Married...with Children?"
"The Brady Bunch!"
"CHiPs!" one smart ass yells out.
The crowd quiets. Scott can only shake his head.
"No no no," he cries, "hasn't your teacher taught you anything?" Scott shoots an evil eye at the professor, who stands in the corner flipping through a yearbook trying to find out if Scott Stantis even went to this university.
"The funniest sitcom theme song that EVERYONE knows is...Seinfeld," Scott informs them.
The students look at each other, puzzled.
A gorgeous young hispanic woman, ponytails in her hair, raises her hand. "Mr. Stantis?" she asks, her voice trembling. "Can you please sing for us the theme song to 'Seinfeld?' Because I don't remember it. I'm not even sure they had a theme. Just that guy clapping and popping. They didn't even have a show open, did they?"
Scott Stantis's jovial smile turns into a sneer, his eyes lowering at the child who DARE question his comedic superiority. "Of course I can sing it," he grumbles, the vein in his forehead popping out. Scott closes his eyes. He bops his head back and forth, recalling the theme from his mental vault. "Dunnu nuh nuh - nu nuh!" he hums. "There, see! I did it."
Once again the class is confused.
"Don't you get it?!" Scott yells. "Seinfeld is the funniest show ever! Therefore, whenever you reference a sitcom, you HAVE TO REFERENCE SEINFELD! Geez, what are they teaching you here?" Scott laughs to himself nervously. "I mean come on, who doesn't love Seinfeld, right? I mean that George - he was a real character."
The professor rushes up to the front of the room, shoving Mr. Stantis away from the podium.
"Scott Stantis, everyone!" he smiles, clapping loudly. Some students follow suit. The professor leans over to his phone, pressing the loudspeaker button. "Can someone have security escort out our famous guest? Thanks."
As Scott exits the room into the hallway, where two burly young men stand waiting to shake his hand and grab him by the arms, one student is overheard saying to the one next to him, "Boy, I'd sure love to hammer a sense of humor up his ass."
Posted by The Furnace at 06:56 AM | Comments (2)April 28, 2006
Maddening Liberals
Hammer _____ up your _____.
I've been trying to fill in the blanks for over 30 minutes. I'm pretty sure about the second blank. "Ass." "Up your ass." That's got to be it. But the first blank has me stumped.
Hammer "it" up your ass?
Hammer "the hammer" up your ass?
Hammer "time" up your ass?
Hammer "fucker" up your ass?
Hammer "spoonful of ejaculate" up your ass?
Hammer "rotten crotch" up your ass?
I'm so confused!
Toby, if you're reading, which apparently you are (!!!!! Hey, Toby! 'Sup?!) [see comment from Charles below], could you drop us a line in the comments -- anonymously, if you must -- what on earth that first blank is? Or announce it on the podcast. Speaking of the podcast: Toby, if you truly are reading this website, please tug on your ear during the podcast as a secret signal. Wait wait. That won't work. How about you say the word "tug" at any point and in any context during the podcast. Then we'll know for sure.
In the meantime, please tell Scott to hammer ____ up his ____.
Posted by CJo at 08:24 AM | Comments (4)April 27, 2006
Let's dive right in. The girl character, Carmen, sets up an "Anti-Cussing Pledge" booth. Then we see, as Jim Nabors might say, sunrise, sunset. With nary a signee in sight. And only a thought bubble from Carmen, which keeps it silent.
Silent as a titmouse.
Soundlessness not broken by the crowing of a cock.
Quiet not cracked by the whelping of Winslow's bitch.
Still winds not murmuring the songs of the pussywillow.
So tranquil that camel toes dare not break the calm.
Somehow I can imagine, in say a couple of weeks or so, when the issue of immigration comes up again in our dear comic strip, we'll see Carmen telling the cabrons and pendejos "Swear in American, you motherfuckers."
Posted by Sacki at 09:13 AM | Comments (3)April 26, 2006
Fudge
Yes, those motherfucking, cocksucking, shitflinging, monkeybanging, titsmacking, assholelicking, jismsmoking, faggity, dickity, fuckity-fuck-fuck-fuckingly craphead lawyers indeed, Scott.
Trial lawyers, I bet. On retainer for the 8-year-olds out there. Sitting in the bathroom just waiting for parents to come after their children with soap. Poised to sue.
THAT's what's wrong with America. Well, that and all those fucking swear words, right, 'ya dicksmack?
I mean, seriously. Jesus fucking Christ. This is our goddamned world today, isn't it. War, strife, anger, rising gas prices, shrinking middle class, a corrupt government, a dying environment, a Fox News anchor being annointed the White House Press Secretary, and this is what gets Scott's goat: "cussing."
It really is sad. Really motherfucking, cocksucking, shitflinging, monkeybanging, titsmacking, assholelicking, jismsmoking, faggity, dickity, fuckity-fuck-fuck-fuckingly craphead sad.
Posted by CJo at 08:38 AM | Comments (4)April 25, 2006
What's a Four Letter Word for "Old News?"
Okay, can somebody drag the dead horse out of the barn for me? I want to beat it some more.
Today Winslow is walking around swearing for no reason. He didn't stub his toe, he didn't think about George Bush, he wasn't even thinking of words that rhyme with "tuck." So Carmen has to scream and yell at him to tell him how coarse society is with everyone having potty mouths, which leads to Winslow's obvious punchline. Personally I think having a bunch of blowhard, know-it-all conservatives screaming and yelling at me that they know what's best is a lot worse than someone saying the f-word, but whatever.
Stantis is most likely referring to this study about profanity in America - with a published-on date of March 28, 2006. Just a reminder, today is April 25, 2006. Almost a full month later. Now granted some people might think this is a "timeless" strip, but come on - why bring this up again? NOBODY CARES. It was a flash in the pan story when it first came out, and I think most Americans shrugged their shoulders and said, "What do you expect - we're at war and could die at any moment - what's a few four letter words?" Instead Stantis and his buddies are so desperate to go back to the fifties where nobody cursed and women were barefoot, pregnant, and wearing pearls while they vacuumed the carpet in Father's den so he could kick up his feet in his smoking jacket and slippers.
Geez, I never would have thought I would be anxious to see Winslow and Carmen running for mayor. But if we're in for a week of yet another series of strips that would have been timely a month ago, the mayoral race can't come soon enough.
Posted by The Furnace at 09:00 AM | Comments (1)
April 24, 2006
Nutso
Before we begin, let me once again ask everyone to please check out the Furnace's excellent Saturday and Sunday work. He nails 'em both, as usual.
As for today's head-scratcher, it took me awhile to get it. In fact, it took a google news search on "South Dakota" to even figure out where to begin. Luckily, the first hit was a brilliant treatise by an intelligent new voice, some gentleman named Alan Keyes, who is writing for a wonderful 'zine, or blog, or collection-of-crack[er]pots called WorldNetDaily.
(Nice gig, "Ambassador" Keyes! Does it pay enough to buy Heterosexual Lessons for your daughter? I wonder if she too drools at the thought of Hillary Clinton. But I digress...)
In this think-piece, Alan Keyes says...
...Um...I'll be honest. I didn't read it. This guy is a WACKO. He's writing about abortion in South Dakota, where a bunch of WACKOS from the state Senate are trying to make it felony for a doctor to perform an abortion.
I guess my point is: Stantis probably has his browser's home page (Internet Explorer 6.02! None of this "liberal" Firefox or other) set to WorldNetDaily because he too is a WACKO.
Scott Stantis: No matter how you slice him, he always comes up peaNUTS.
Posted by CJo at 09:08 AM | Comments (2)April 23, 2006
I'd Rather Be a Pepper
It's Sunday morning, so that means my head hurts after reading Prickly City. Stantis picks a stupid moment in history and tries to make a joke about it, and fails miserably. Seriously, New Coke? Here's a guy who's always two weeks behind on his political commentary, and the one time he gets a date in history right it's to make fun of a soft drink that people never cared about? Why not just make fun of a failed cola like OK ? Oh wait, I know why - nobody cares. Heck, he picks the 21st anniversay? Yeah, I know, that's probably part of the joke, but to me it reeks of a guy who didn't know what to do on a Sunday two weeks ago and he pulled up one of those "this day in history" websites and the strip wrote itself. Not so easy when you're not following the latest Republican talking points.
Well if Stantis is going way back, let's put on our own Shrubville Future Goggles and see what we might be in store for this week in Prickly City (other than the mayoral race that Stantis first teased months ago):
- All of a sudden Iran has nukes and has them pointed at Prickly City. Wow, some people - like most Republicans - never learn, do they? Honestly - a year ago if you told people "The administration will use the EXACT same build up that they used to go to war in Iraq to attack Iran" you'd laugh at them and say "Come on, we're not THAT gullible." Ahem. Maybe Winslow can spend the week making a bomb shelter and pretending we're back in those wonderful 1950s where kids were taught that hiding under your desk could protect you from a nuclear explosion.
- In a related note, Seymour Hersh's story broke about Bush planning to use his own nukes to attack Iran. Maybe all week long Stantis will have Carmen pounding her own war drum.
- In a little seen event (which means it's right up Stantis's alley), Ben Affleck said that if Bush did leak classified information then he committed treason and that he could be hung for that. Maybe Carmen will think Ben's dreamy, but since he's a terrorist he should be put in G'itmo with the full library of his movies and beaten with his own Oscar.
- More and more former Generals stepped forward and asked for Rumsfeld to resign. Two weeks later, George W. Bush told us he was The Decider, America's newest superhero.
- Bush himself admitted to leaking classified information in order to bolster his case to go to war in Iraq even though we now know he was ignoring all of the classified information that told him Iraq didn't have WMDs. This leads to the whole Good Leak/Bad Leak debate, which is defined as the White House thusly: a good leak is anything that makes us look good, and a bad leak is anything that makes us look bad. Maybe Winslow can leak to the local newspaper some nasty information about Carmen in their mayoral campaign that isn't true - and yes, I know Carmen should be the one doing that since she's a little Bushee, but we're talking Stantis here and anything bad Winslow does it.
- And finally, my favorite poll from that week, courtesy MSNBC: should Bush be impeached?
So a few weeks ago things really started to fall apart for W. Which is the perfect time for Stantis to finally follow through on his threats to have Carmen and Winslow run for the mayor's office. Maybe we can be introduced to the current mayor, who I'm sure will be drawn as a fat ugly drunk. Possibly wearing a diaper.
Posted by The Furnace at 09:02 AM | Comments (1)April 22, 2006
Pavlov's Republicans
Stantis follows up yesterday's Hillary slobbering with the logical follow up, which is that W gets the same reaction out of Democrats. It's true, you know - except that Hillary hasn't gotten her own article in the pages of Rolling Stone lately.
What's interesting is that Republicans seem to have other Pavlovian reactions to certain things. For example, what happens to the Vice President when the leader of China is speaking?
Or how about when Republican Senate candidate Katherine Harris spies a hot young piece of man meat that gets her juices flowing?
Or maybe a President bored by a baseball game?
But the scariest by far is when they hear their special trigger word: oil.
April 21, 2006
Dinner Bell, Dinner Bell: Ding
I know the Right Wing loves to pretend Hillary Clinton is a lesbian, but to have Carmen, the 8-year-old girl, salivate at the thought of "eating" Hillary is just bizarre beyond words.
But seriously, is that a doll's head coming out of Carmen's mouth? I see something round with eyes and a nose, hair in a widow's peak.
But whatever. Stantis makes a good point. Conservatives DO react like a pack of idiotic, slobbering, hungry devilbeasts, ready to viciously rip Hillary apart limb-by-limb with their ugly, evil maws. (Do they kiss their children with those horrible mouths? Their significant others? Thank goodness oral sex [AKA doing it Clinton-style] is a no-no with them. Can you imagine all the severed and bloody genitalia?)
So, yet again, I agree with Scott Stantis: the right-wing IS a group of reactionary idiots with a taste for human flesh, making rash, gut decisions with no thought. Silly conservatives. I bet they also glom onto any fad! Like Windows computers!
Posted by CJo at 08:12 AM | Comments (2)April 20, 2006
Machine Wash Warm Tumble Dry Politics
Nothing says liberal effete like computer technology.
Nothing says conservative blowhard like Newt Gingrich.
Apparently, I lack the ability to hold two opposing ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function; Newt embracing, endorsing, enabling computer literacy?
Oh, dear me and my second-rate intelligence.
Posted by Sacki at 10:01 AM | Comments (3)April 19, 2006
It's Hammertime
Who exactly is gloating here? Are you gloating? I'm not gloating. I don't know anyone who is gloating.
Instead, everyone I know is PRAISING the same God that Tom Delay prays to that he's just going away.
Thank you, God, for using your divine hammer to bang some sense into the non-divine Hammer. Now, God, if I could ask for one more favor with respect to Delay...Could you please start the rapture now? Could you please zap Tom Delay and his followers up to heaven so the rest of us who are Left Behind can live our lives in peace? (You could take Stantis too if you'd like.)
Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah. Gloating.
On behalf of the 59,028,109 who voted along "moral" issues for John Kerry over the party of corruption, I would like to say to Tom Delay and Scott Stantis, Pfffffffffffffffuckyouffffffffftt.
Posted by CJo at 08:31 AM | Comments (7)April 18, 2006
Cheerleader Nation
Words fail me.
What did Katie Couric do to Scott Stantis? She must have squated down and taken a dump on his driveway to deserve the hideous drawing that Scooter served up today. Not since the days of Spitting Image (or the last time Stantis drew Howard Dean) has someone been made to look so horrifying.
Is Katie the best choice for hosting the nightly news? I dunno. I mean everyone had a cow when "serious journalist" Diane Sawyer went to host Good Morning America, and the earth still spins on its axis. And let's be honest - we'd all rather look at Katie instead of Bob Schieffer.
Personally I think once Stantis heard the news his first thought was, "Yes! Another chance to make fun of Dan Rather!" Instead of going with his "courage" sign off (which by itself is funny), Stantis dregs up the whole memo thing again. Yup, let's go back to 2004 when things were better for you and your conservatives, right Scoots? Let's just hope they don't send Katie to Iraq - your war for oil has already cost us one news anchor who's suffering because of Bush's madness, we don't need to lose anymore.
But hey - that's what you get when you elect a former cheerleader...
April 17, 2006
Shove It
Ah, a good old-fashioned crisis for the Republicans to go nutso over. Cynthia McKinney. Better fire up the blogosphere! Better wind-up the Fox News commentators! Better send Stantis a new crate of sniffin'-markers! There's work to do! Gouge away! Gouge away! Gouge away in Dixieland.
Or, I suppose, you'all could take a look at who authorized Scooter Libby to take a leak. But that might actually require some courage, critical-thinking, and effort.
Screw that noise, right, Scott? After all, Prickly City is only a comic strip. A comic strip that parrots the latest Ann Coulter chirping, or apes the monkeys on Fox News, or sucks the withered dick of Robert Novak.
So, Scott, while the world burns and crumbles around us, play your violin...or, in your case, your banjo...and when you're done duelin', pickin', and grinnin' then shove it up your sorry ass.
Posted by CJo at 07:49 AM | Comments (2)April 16, 2006
Balls
Stantis skips the traditional Easter strip to instead have Winslow refuse to fetch a tennis ball for Carmen. I guess that even though Winslow can hire immigrant workers, outsource his pack's business, play video games, and try to get an appointment to the Supreme Court Carmen still thinks he's a dog. Which is funny, because most people reading Prickly City think he's a cat.
Nah, it's not funny. None of this is funny. Because it's to the point that PC doesn't make sense any more. It's like Stantis has completely given up on writing his own comic strip, and instead steals ideas from other strips and tries to force his characters into those situations. Lucy trying to get Snoopy to fetch a ball? Funny. A neo-con tot trying to get a coyote to fetch one as he uses his PDA? Not so much. Today's strip might have made more sense if in the past Winslow used to love playing catch, and maybe if Stantis had done it earlier in the week he could have had Jesus the Immigrant get it for him since he's become too lazy to do the work himself. But on a Sunday it's just a cheap, half-baked idea that would work better in Marmaduke than in Prickly City.
So what can we expect to drive us insane this week? I'm betting Iran will be 16 days away from a nuclear weapon that's pointed right at PC. I can't see Stantis trying to do the immigration thing again since he tied that up oh-so-perfectly yesterday (ahem). It's too early to get into the Plame/NIE/Cheney is a traitor and Bush is a leaker story. Or, it could be a week of "It's spring!" strips, which could include a tornado hitting town and the hilarity that will follow when Michael Brown shows up to help. Maybe he can be drawn as a fat slob.
Happy Easter, if that's how you roll.
April 15, 2006
The Final Straw
After a week of Winslow employing an illegal immigrant to save money for his pack, today he takes an easier route - outsourcing! Who saw that coming?
That's right - the tree-hugging, union loving, dirty stinky LIBERAL Winslow has decided to outsource to a foreign country.
I'm just about done with Prickly City. I know I've harped on this point way too much the last few weeks, but if Stantis is going to have Winslow do everything he disagrees with, then quit going around saying that he's a liberal. This week proves without a shadow of doubt that Winslow is NOT a liberal. There, I said it. Carmen isn't a conservative either, because most times she's on the flip side of Winslow's neo-con beliefs and she shares more with Democrats and Liberals than she does the Republican party.
And in case Stantis is reading this, I don't care if your argument is that people aren't black and white on issues. We're not talking about you or me - we're talking about comic strip characters. Now if your characters had any depth whatsoever, I might buy your argument. But they've been two dimensional caricatures of liberals and conservatives from the very beginning, which is why it makes no sense for Winslow to be in favor of outsourcing this week.
Instead Toby was right - if you don't like something conservatives are doing, you make Winslow do it. Carmen is there to "tsk tsk" him, but she's basically the straight man for the wacky, moronic Winslow. There isn't even a debate - Winslow is the bad guy no matter what, even if Stantis admits that it's his conservative Republican party that's doing what he disagrees with.
So what does it all mean? Well when Winslow and Carmen actually made sense, it was a conservative strip where the conservative Carmen made her case while the liberal Winslow was made to look the fool. But now with Winslow doing both conservative and liberal things, with Carmen simply taking the other side, and since Stantis is using Carmen as his surrogate - that makes Prickly City just another comic strip.
Say goodbye to that "we have to have a conservative comic!" slot you've been getting everywhere, Scooter.
April 14, 2006
Thank God It's Good Friday
Wow. What an unexpected yet stirring Easter tribute by Stantis.
An "udocumented stand-in" named -- let's say -- Jesus is arrested. Winslow denies he knows him thrice. Jesus is sent back whence he came, quite possibily with some nails, a hammer, and a cross. Carmen weeps and misses him. Then on the 3rd day, Jesus rises again. And what does Jesus say? "Hola." Which, according to my math, is one simple letter removed from "holy."
If you ask me, this is the greatest. story. ever. told. By Scott Stantis.
Posted by CJo at 08:55 AM | Comments (4)April 13, 2006
Chin Up
What's the deal with Carmen anyhow? Is she a U.S. citizen? Natural born? I guess the proof is in the origin of Mr. Stantis' pencils. PaperMate? That would make her American. But somehow I imagine him using a Hello Kitty pencil to stabble her image - making her a real Rae Dawn Chong.
Like little Miss Dawn Chong, I think a combination of CJo's and the Furnace's words would make the most sense here, but in lieu of that, I bring you the news:
A fourth former US army general in less than a month today called on the US defence secretary, Donald Rumsfeld, to resign over his handling of the war in Iraq. Serve and protect your country, unless you disagree. Great message to send to the troops, "leaders."
Gay Parents Line Up for Easter Egg Roll. To roll and collect eggs laid by gay chickens? What? We don't know if the chickens are gay? They're not going around announcing "I'm a gay chicken?" Shame on the chickens. We should be able to DEFINE them as hetero or homo poultry. Damn them to hell!
Scalia's Proudest Moment. Enjoy being broken on the wheel in hell for your pride, devout Catholic.
And finally, while not really "news" - it's new to you, to me, to 99% of the globe. Stupid Comics of the past, aka Scott's inspiration as a youngster.
Posted by Sacki at 09:39 AM | Comments (4)April 12, 2006
A O-Que
OK, I'll admit it. I laughed. Stantis' depiction of a Mexican Winslow is the funniest sight gag in Prickly City history.
I can just imagine Scott at the drawing board sketching it out.
"A Mexican Winslow. I can do that. I'll call him Manuel. And I'll just draw Winslow...[scribble scribble]. Then let me give him a big, furry stache...[scribble]...yeah, lookin' good. How about a trucker's cap...and...and...a flannel shirt...[scribble scribble]...It's cold crossing the border, you know. Hmmm...it just doesn't seem right. He seems too bright-eyed, too go-getter-like. I know! That's it! I'll give him sleepy Mexican eyes! He probably just woke up from a siesta anyway...[erase erase scribble scribble]. Perfecto!"
Perfecto indeed, Senor Stantis.
If the Easter Bunny is reading, I've priced out getting this particular strip framed and matted. It's $89.95. Please make my Jesus Resurrection Day dreams come true.
Posted by CJo at 08:23 AM | Comments (3)April 11, 2006
Outsource This Strip To Someone Who Can Make Some G*ddamn Sense
This weekend Stantis admitted he's confused about his characters. So what happens when you have a political issue that's even more confusing and Stantis tries to tackle it? You have me getting a migraine trying to figure the whole mess out.
This is a really tough political issue, and I wish CJo hadn't suggested that I might be able to explain it. I can't really, at least not without writing a book about the whole deal. It's divided both parties, and when you take a guy like Stantis who can't keep his own characters, much less his own political stances, straight - it's going to lead to three Tylenol and a wet rag on the forehead.
But dammit, I need to earn my paycheck or Sacki has already threatened to hire a guy to replace me named Geraldo, whose social security number is 69.
Alright, here goes. Winslow - liberal - has a pack of coyotes that is the equivalent of a small business. I don't believe he's ever mentioned this pack before, or what kind of work they do. Apparently their work entails howling and other "stuff" they don't want to do. So as a business owner Winslow hires illegal coyotes since they work for cheap. Carmen - Republican corporate whore - points out that they're illegal, and anything illegal is bad.
This falls right in line with Toby's outing of Stantis's bad habit of having Winslow do everything Scooter doesn't like, even if it's something Republicans are doing. The Republicans who are supporting illegal immigration are the same ones who own businesses that employ illegals because it's cheaper for them and they can increase their profits. The Dems who oppose it are the ones saying, "Um, but it's illegal" - but he's got Carmen saying that. Does anyone else hear that loud drum banging over and over? Or is that just my head about to explode again?
Would it be too much to ask Stantis to try harder? Seriously - no joking around here - why can't he just make more of an effort to be funnier and make his strip understandable? Can't we see Carmen open up a lemonade stand, see that it's costing her too much to run the place herself, so she hires an illegal coyote or whatever to help her? Maybe Winslow has a cousin from Mexico who wants to come from America, so he asks Carmen to give him a job. When she finds out he's illegal she's torn - does she keep employing him and raking in the cash, or does she turn him in to be deported?
That was off the top of my head. Maybe Stantis should hire me - I'm legal.
PS - In regards to today's graphic, first off - thanks to Peanuts. While looking for Spike storylines I was reminded of what a good comic strip is supposed to be like. Secondly, please don't fill up the comments section with "but Spike is from Needles, CA" and "He's not an illegal." I know that - I just liked the idea of Spike being taken in by an illegal family and being put to work for Winslow. And if Stantis coesn't have to make any sense, neither do I.
April 10, 2006
Interjections!
Immigration
(Hey!)
Show excitement
(Wow!)
Or emotion
(Ouch!)
It's generally discussed by an op-ed piece
Or by Prickly City when the feeling's not as strong
So when you're happy
(Hurray!)
Or sad
(Waaa!)
Or frightened
(Awwww!)
Or mad
(Rats!)
Or excited
(Wow!)
Or glad
(Hey!)
Immigration starts the week out right.
----------------------------
Um. Sorry. I'll stop turning this website into a poor-man's Weird Al tribute.
It seems like fate finally allowed Stantis' two-weeks-ago-written strip to match up with headlines, due to the never-ending story that is Immigration. I'll let The Furnace tackle the political angle since he does his homework and his research while I sit around and write song parodies.
It also happens that today is Monday and the meat of Scott's weekly argument is still at the butcher waiting for Toby to pick it up. As always: who knows where he's going with this.
However, there is something we all should keep in mind re: the immigration issue. It's only a bill. Yes, it's only a bill. And it's sitting there on Capitol Hill.
Posted by CJo at 07:50 AM | Comments (5)April 09, 2006
Confused Much?
Sometimes when I read PC first thing in the morning it feels like my head is going to explode. Stantis hates technology. So Winslow has an all-nude podcast, which is pandering. And Stantis has his own podcast (no word if he's nude or not - and boy did that shoot a chill through my spine even suggesting it). So...technology isn't so scary when Stantis does it. Is your brain ready to burst too?
Because of that I was going to ignore this week's podcast, but I'm glad I didn't. It's a real eye-opener, and for the first time ever I would suggest listening to it. In it you'll get to hear the following, including a few bombshells:
- Winslow is goofy and a doofus. He's sometimes a liberal, but it depends on the "prevailing winds." Keep that in mind for later revelations.
- Fox News and Air America are basically the same, just on opposite sides. That's right - the "fair and balanced" NEWS network and the openly progressive radio network should be compared to each other.
- Toby busts Stantis in one of those "I can't believe he just said that" comments. He calls Stantis out on one of his worst habits: whenever liberals are doing something goofy, Winslow embraces it. And whenever the conservatives do something goofy - WINSLOW embraces it. Yes! Toby has a brain of his own! Stantis tap dances around the issue, saying that Carmen - I guess because she's just like him - is so closed off that she's always right and the goofy doofus Winslow is the one who should be made to look like a fool. Stantis then goes on to say that it's a comic strip, so it doesn't have to make any sense. Despite him admitting it's a political comic strip his characters don't have to maintain their political affiliations. Especially when HIS conservatives do something stupid. This leads to Stantis making an amazing confession...
- Stantis admits he's confused about his characters. That's right - he actually says that he's confused. But hey - he's only been doing the strip for a YEAR AND A HALF, so cut him some slack.
Again, if there's one all-nude podcast you should listen to this weekend, this is it. Mind you, here's a guy who admits he doesn't even know his characters and can't keep them straight in his own mind - and then goes on to say that Prickly City will now be carried in Houston and possibly Dallas in the future. One of the worst comic strips EVER is in the two biggest cities in Texas - why? Because he's a conservative. What's going to happen if the Republican bums are run out of office over the next few years? I hope Stantis has a savings plan, because he's going to be joining Mike "Heckuva Job" Brownie in the unemployment line.
Now I'll turn it over to our readers: any ideas about this week's storyline? I'm leaning towards the censure issue, but I'm not sure if Stantis wants to give that the attention it deserves. Fill up the comments section with your thoughts.
Posted by The Furnace at 09:47 AM | Comments (3)April 08, 2006
The More Things Change, The More They Stay The Same
Ah yes, Republicans - or, in the case of Stantis I should say "conservatives" - loves them some Ronnie Reagan. Now that W has sent the country down the shitter, guys like Stantis are starting to disown THEIR President Bush. Of course they didn't protest when W lied us into war, broke the law for their own political benefit, or ran up the deficits - because that's all stuff good ol' Cowboy Ronnie did himself. But spying on Americans? Damn W - damn him to hell!
So Ronnie has returned...FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE (thanks CJo for the first ever Shrubville catchphrase) to stand up for Americans' right not to be spied on by the President. Of course if Reagan had used Bush's excuse - I'm the King, er I mean President, I can do whatever I want - Stantis would still be sucking his you know what. But apparently spying on us is JUST GOING TOO FAR! Ahem. I guess the deaths of over 2300 servicemen and women in a war based on lies is acceptable in the "conservative" playbook.
Anywho, I hope Stantis took careful note of a story that got buried in the headlines this past week. While Bush was being outed as having declassified information and had it leaked to the press in order to discredit his opponents - who were proving that he was lying to go to war - Attorney General Gonzales was offering up a quote of his own.
From the Washington Post:
In response to a question from Rep. Adam Schiff (D-Calif.) during an appearance before the House Judiciary Committee, Gonzales suggested that the administration could decide it was legal to listen in on a domestic call without supervision if it were related to al-Qaeda.
"I'm not going to rule it out," Gonzales said.
So when Stantis wrote this strip, he was outraged - outraged I tell you! - that Bush was simply spying on American calls to "terrorists" outside the country. Now we find out that they're probably wiretapping everybody, so Carmen's punchline is even more possible. Let's face it: George W. Bush and his cronies are spying on any of us. Period. And there ain't nothing we can do about it, because Bush is president and the Republicans in the Congress and the conservative Supreme Court are letting him get away with it.
Let me be clear here: we all want the government to spy on terrorists. That's a given. And if they've got enough evidence to justify it, I don't have a problem with them spying on Americans - JUST GET A WARRANT. FISA allows just for that - hell, you can wiretap an American without a warrant beforehand. However, within 72 hours you have to tell the courts just why you're spying on them. That's only fair. But not to W and his goons - they want to spy on whoever they want whenever they want, and they don't have to tell anybody. Who needs "plumbers" to break into a hotel when you can just monitor and record your politic opponents' every conversation? And people actually think the Democrats have a chance to win in 2006 and 2008. Not likely when the deck is stacked in favor of the illegal administration.
Sorry, I went off on a bit of a rant there. The reality is STANTIS'S President really is just like Ronald Reagan - Reagan just didn't have the balls to say he should spy on everyone because he didn't have a Republican Congress to let him do it. You don't think Grampa Ronnie wouldn't have spied on Americans if he got the chance? Please - if that's the case, I've got some land in Grenada I'd like to sell you that some Contra friends of mine own. Word is Saddam used it as a summer home.
NOTE: I did NOT make the graphic at the top of the page - check out this guy if you want to compliment his spelling.
April 07, 2006
All in the Meathead
Ignoring fears of spreading AIDS
The Grenada war victory parade
Co-opting "Born in the USA"
Those were the days
Selling arms to Iran's Shah
Demonizing welfare moms
Fearing that he'd drop the bomb
Those were the days
Things were so much better then
Stantis was a boy without a pen
Mister, we could use a time like the 1980's again
Now they're looking for a save
Someone to help them all be brave
Resurrecting Ronnie from BEYOND THE GRAVE
Those were...the...daaaaaaaaaaays
April 06, 2006
No Unpleasant Aftertaste
"It sure is a great wall."
"I have sinned in my heart."
"Read my lips - no new taxes."
"It depends on what the meaning of 'is' is."
"There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again."
What would Ronnie do? Communicate! Although given the level of competition cited above, it was no great feat to communicate better than Nixon, Carter, Bush I, Clinton or Bush II, respectively. And now to communicate on the news....
Immigrants to protest. If protesting is their thing, I suggest they try to set up stakes in France. The Frogs can't get enough of 'em. "We're all very aware that this is history in the making, and the country will be transformed by it," said Cecilia Muñoz, vice president for policy at the National Council of La Raza, a civil rights organization based in Washington. I see no reason why politicians should care, since if they're not citizens, they can't vote; if they can't vote, there's no threat; if there's no credible threat, it's ignorable.
Detectives say it was a shock to find a federal agency official in their search for predators. It wasn't a shock when Pete Townshend was caught, however, so he's free to go. Research calls.
Dem Rep. calls check-kiting "honorable"; another blow to the "party of ethics."
Textbook: Donkeys better than housewives. I'd add: Donkeys wouldn't complain about being called "asses" either.
April 05, 2006
Project Genesis
I apologize for the lack of a substantive post today, but I used my best Reagan material -- which I encourage you to revisit -- last December. It was such a popular post that I received three emails about it, which I will share with you below:
1. "Huh?"
2. "Guh?"
3. "Snuh?"
As such, it's the perfect match with Stantis' series this week, which makes ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE WHATSOEVER.
And Winslow looks more like Fred Gwynne than Ronald Reagan. Seriously, what's with the arms?
Posted by CJo at 07:23 AM | Comments (4)April 04, 2006
"I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself." - Ronald Reagan
Quick question to start off today's entry:
Who is "we?"
Winslow is still channeling Ronald Reagan (a whole week of this? yippee!!), and "We" originally wanted Bonzo but his agent wanted too much money. So who exactly is "we?" At first glance I thought it was Stantis and Toby, but that doesn't make much sense. Then I thought it was God and all of the other Reagan Republicans in heaven (RIP Casper W.), but that doesn't make much sense either. So somebody wanted Bonzo but they got Winslow - and just writing that I realized that it might have been funnier if the Ghost of Reagan got the two confused because their names rhyme. And Winslow is Stantis's Little Liberal Monkey.
So other than Winslow sporting dyed black hair greased up into a wave on top of his head, how is this storyline supposed to be funny? Will Winslow learn the error of his ways, and learn that outrageous deficits, job creation that only creates low paying service jobs, and outrageous government corruption is really the right way to run the government? Or instead will Carmen pine for the times when Republicans *think* the world was a better place (don't forget, the Cold War didn't end until after Reagan left office, so for all of us kids who remember "The Day After" it was just as scary a time to live as it is during our neverending "war on terror")?
In any event, get ready for much Ronnie love as the week goes on. Guess it's better than Winslow trying to fly. But just barely.
I'll leave you with another one of my favorite Reagan quotes:
"Concentrated power has always been the enemy of liberty."
So true. You hear that, W?
April 03, 2006
Opening Day
While the rest of the country celebrates the beauty that is MLB's Opening Day -- and, no, last night doesn't count -- Stantis looks back to the glory days of Conservatism: the Reagan Revolution. We'll have to see how this series develops over the next few days but if the past is any indication, it will be lame, inexplicable, and tremendously unfunny.
In the meantime, try this one on for size: imagine a man with leading-man good looks and a cheerful demeanor. Give him a Cubs broadcaster job where he comes off lightweight and glib and mostly pleasant. And then in 40 years elect him as the President of the United States.
Chip Caray in 2040. You heard it here first.
Posted by CJo at 07:47 AM | Comments (2)April 02, 2006
Boxing Day
I was hoping we had gotten past the tiger-changing-his-stripes series of storylines, but no such luck. Today Carmen and Winslow tell each other to "think outside of the box" - a dig at all of us who simply can't accept that Stantis can't keep his characters straight.
As I mentioned the other day, it would be perfectly fine is Stantis was doing something other than a comic strip to have Carmen be a conservative one day and then act like a liberal the next. But in this format it just doesn't make any sense. It's another example of Stantis thinking his critics "just don't get it" - so he blames us for not understanding instead of himself for being a weak writer. Maybe you should stick to the one-off editorials, Scooter.
So what can we expect in Prickly City this upcoming week? Instead of the Shrubville Future Googles, let's slap on a pair of Shrubville Opposite Goggles and see what's in store:
- Carmen praises Helen Thomas for challenging Bush on his real reasons for going to war in Iraq. It could be a week of, "You go girl!" even though Carmen isn't black and doesn't talk about sticking it to "the man" on a regular basis.
- Carmen will stop everything and say, "Why the hell are we actually considering going to war in Iran? Isn't this the exact same BS they fed us about Iraq in 2003? Are you people insane? Iran is at least 5-10 years away from developing nukes, yet John Bolton and Dick Cheney act like they've got their finger on the button. Instead of sending more servicemen and woman off to fight in another war for oil, can't we redeploy our troops and get the hell out of Iraq instead?" Then Winslow's head will explode.
- Winslow will bash Russ Feingold and his censure movement, defending Bush's illegal spying program. "Can't you just trust President Bush?" he'll say, and then accuse Carmen of loving the terrorists and hating our freedom because she doesn't believe in King George's absolute power. She's such a little traitor.
- Stantis will remember that Carmen and Winslow are supposed to be running against each other for mayor of PC. Winslow will run as a neo-con, Carmen as a member of the Green Party (the Dems just aren't liberal enough), and they'll both lose to John McCain because everybody loves him and his "maverick" style - that's exactly whatever George Bush wants. (oops, that last part is how the world really is)
- And finally, the entire week of Opposite Prickly City will be FUNNY.
April 01, 2006
Sand In The Cracks
Awwwww. That's supposed to be our reaction today's strip. Winslow for some reason owns a surfboard, but the surf's "not up" since 1) he's in a desert and 2) the only creek(?) he has access to is dry. It might have been cute if Stantis could have somehow tied this in to the whole Dubai Port deal ("Hey, I only bought the board after I found out we had ocean access"), but instead it's one of those "I get to dress up Winslow in pants!" strips.
Speaking of Mr. Stantis, lookie at what I got in the ol' email box today:
FROM: pricklycity@gmail.com
TO: thefurnace@shrubville.com
SUBJECT:
Dear Mr. The Furnace (if that is your REAL name):
This is Scott Stantis. No, it's not Toby, and it's not one of my many interns. I felt the need to address you personally since that's how you've been attacking me with your website, www.shrubville.com. At first I was flattered that you would take the time to critique Prickly City - as I've always said, it's nice to hear what the fans have to say about my work.
But your site goes too far. And I am asking you to cease and desist immediately. Now this isn't an official letter - if you choose to ignore my request though, my team of lawyers is drafting the letter as I type this. I would prefer it though not to come to that.
However I believe you have crossed some serious legal lines. You are using images of Carmen and Winslow on your site without my permission. You might call them satire and parody, but I will not allow you to have drawings of them done better than what I'm able to do on a daily basis on my strip. You might have time to craft perfectly drawn characters but I don't - I've got a life to live, losers.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to write Prickly City? I lay awake at nights thinking of ways to make fun of politics and try to have a political discourse with my faithful readers. My focus is on the writing, not trying to make my characters look perfect every single time. That would drive a normal cartoonist mad - ask any of them. But I'm sure you won't because you're too afraid to leave your parents' basement.
You're not funny. Sacki is insightful at times and I applaud his efforts to offer a sane counter to the unfunny rants of you and CJo. You want to know how I know I'M funny? Because I have a nationally syndicated comic strip. Sure, you'll say it's because I'm conservative. I say it's because I'm the funniest comic strip writer on the planet. And I have an army of followers who will back me up on that. What have you got, other than a blow-up girlfriend?
So as I said, please shut down Shrubville immediately or I will have no other choice than to send my trial lawyers after you. You might be the first to try and attack me and my conservative beliefs, and you won't be the last, but I'll make sure I use my money and resources to make sure the only freedom of speech around here is MINE.
Yours truly,
The funniest comic strip writer on the planet.
The Furnace here. I have only one thing to say in response to this rambling, non-sensical email:
April Fools!
Posted by The Furnace at 10:33 AM | Comments (3)
picture courtesy of JB