« Spring Sprang Sprung | Main | The Great Dicktators »
March 07, 2006
Tucker?? I Hardly Knew Her!!
In the "things I didn't need to know" category, we find out that Carmen has a big ol' crush on Mr. Bow Tie himself, Tucker Carlson.
Now why would a little neo-con tot show so much love for a guy with the first name Tucker? Let us count the ways...
- He's been a staunch reporter of Scooter Libby, bashing prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald every chance he gets. Of course Tucker forgot to disclose that his dad is on the advisory committee of the Libby Legal Defense Trust. Oops, maybe Carmen can teach her new beau the meaning of "full disclosure."
- Tucker got his ass handed to him by Oscar host Jon Stewart on the show that ultimately led to the demise of CNN's Crossfire. That's right - Stewart went on Tucker's turf, called him a dick, and now Tucker's stuck on MSNBC scoring lower ratings than Paula Zahn. Maybe Carmen can cheer him up by telling him he's not really a partisan hack. Yes, she should lie to him to make him feel better - it's the only way.
- Don't forget the bow tie. Ladies loves them some bow tie action.
- Carmen probably thinks Tucker is really smart. I mean he IS a conservative, and he's on TV. I mean, it's not like the guy never finished college, right? Oh, wait...
- And who can forget Tucker's insistence that hunters don't drink alcohol when shooting? Tucker is a big manly man, so I'm sure he couldn't be lying about going hunting with "the boys," right?
- Heck, let's just let Media Matters finish this up for us.
Since Winslow has a love jones for Conde Rice, it would have been nice if Stantis had given Carmen some forbidden love for a guy on the left. Maybe she could have been lusting after Paul Begala ("his bald spot is dreamy") or Keith Olbermann (especially since the guy's got the balls to go after Bill O'Reilly). But nope, Stantis goes for the obvious bow tie jokes. Too bad Tucker's married with three kids - now it just makes Carmen look like the Long Island Lolita. What a little slut - couldn't she just crush on Bob Novak like all the other little conservative girls?
Comments
Hmmm....I noticed that Tucker Carlson looks a little like Stantis, with better hair...
So...Carmen has a crush on her creator? EEW!
Posted by: Charles Brubaker at March 7, 2006 09:39 AM
So he's actually trying out a little character development for Carmen? Better than all the two-week-old news briefs we've been getting lately I guess.
And yeah, with the bow tie Tucker does look like Scott... and, as The Furnace would say, Carmen is a surrogate for Scott... He's in love with himself??
Posted by: JB at March 7, 2006 01:43 PM
Why can't she be a good little Republican girl and go munch some carpet? Y'know, like the daughters of Dick Cheney and Alan Keyes. Now THAT's humor.
Posted by: Sacki at March 7, 2006 05:00 PM
