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March 31, 2006
Boing? Donk? Tax?
Boy, the way liberals played
John Kerry's pre-mature vic'try parade
Stantis made sure to make them pay
Those were the days
Scott made fun of Rathergate
and gays marrying in Kerry's state
He even lampooned Mike Moore's weight
Those were the days
And you knew where you were then
Coyotes were liberals and Conservatives (save for Carmen) were white men
Mister, we could use a strip like "John Edwards chases an ambulance" again
Now it seems like Scott is done
He's no longer having fun
Everything is simply rerun after rerun
Those were...the...daaaaaaaaaaays
March 30, 2006
I'm In Control Here
I hope Jodie Foster likes my column today.
Boing. Donk. Tax. How liberal effete of that damn coyote. Speaking of lefty wankers and predators, how about that Tammy Duckworth. A real Democrat in soldier's clothing. "Her views on Iraq were either more tempered, designed to appeal to the Republican majority of the district, or squishy, depending on your perspective." Boy, that really worked out well with John Kerry, didn't it, Rahm? What else is in the papers today? (Yeah, I apologize, I've got nothing to work with in today's strip - "Boing. Donk. Tax." was the most I could bear to muster.)
Jill Carroll was released. In a brief interview after her release, Carroll, 28, told Baghdad television she was treated well but doesn't know why she was kidnapped. She went to the Middle East in 2002 after being laid off from a newspaper job, fulfilling a long-held dream of covering a war. So I'm going to extrapolate and say: 1. She's a war supporter - she's always wanted to cover one and 2. She probably was laid off because she's been with these people since January and she doesn't know why she was kidnapped. Use some investigative reporting skills, kid.
Baseball to probe past steroid use. Two points. 1. Nobody really cares, but it's a false front of "integrity" and 2. What's with the double standard of some "performance enhancers" being allowed but not others? Randy Johnson having elbow surgery and coming back and racking up huge amounts of strikeouts and helping his team into the playoffs isn't wrong? Tell that to Sandy Koufax - he didn't artificially supplement his performance by having some mamby-pamby doctor cut into him and improve the performance of his arm - he had to quit.
Jack Abramoff sentenced to 5+ years for lobbying payola. I'll let the Furnace handle that one.
Non-chowderheads can't be gay married in Massachusetts. I think the oral arguments might've lost the case for them. Either that or the fact that the judges were smoking pot.
And finally, the French are lazy. And even they know how much they stink: "Everyone will go 'phew,'" said political expert Jean-Luc Parodi.
Posted by Sacki at 10:32 AM | Comments (2)March 29, 2006
Ahack, UR
Good god. I go away for two weeks and come back to find Prickly City is at an all-time low. (Though the quality of Shrubville remains at an all-time high; thanks, Sacki and Furnace).
Carmen and Winslow having a philosophical discussion without the aid of Diogenes or -- at the very least -- KTLBOTA? These characters aren't smart enough to handle this dialogue. They're dumb. It's not their fault; they're drawn dumb. It's their nature. Stupid is as stupid draws. UR Ahack and all that.
Now run along, Scott; back to the drawing board. Give us something to work with, man. Make your "fans" happy. Like this person from Medford, Massachusetts, who recently wrote (on your Washington Post chat):
I like the part when you make fun of liberals. Liberals are silly and you do a great job of exposing the silliness of liberals. We need more people like you to illustrate how silly liberals are. Ha ha ha ha. Even right now I'm laughing at how silly liberals are. I didn't even know how silly liberals were until you exposed how silly liberals are. Ha ha ha ha. Funny. Scott Stantis is funny. But not as funny as silly liberals.
This person from Medford, Massachusetts NEEDS you, Scott. Get crack(er)ing.
Posted by CJo at 07:00 AM | Comments (4)March 28, 2006
Identity Crisis
Has Scott Stantis been reading Shrubville?
My second biggest complaint* with Prickly City is that Stantis can never seem to keep his characters straight. It happens on nearly a weekly basis - liberal coyote acts conservative, conservative neo-con tot acts like a liberal.
But this shouldn't come as any surprise. Stantis himself has admitted to not being a strict Republican - he's a "conservative." Although the definition of a conservative is itself confusing nowadays - are you a Reagan conservative? A McCain conservative? A George W. Bush conservative? For a group that makes fun of people on the left for having different opinions, they seem to be the ones who can't agree on how to spend peoples' tax money faster or the quickest way to cut taxes for the rich.
Take the immigration debate. Bush seems to be leaning liberal with wanting to allow illegal immigrants to stay in the country. However his motivation is definitely neo-conservative - he wants companies to have access to cheap labor.
(On a side note: I'm sorry, but I'm tired of hearing this "there are jobs Americans WON'T do so we need illegals." Yeah, our lawns didn't get mowed or our crops harvested for years before the Mexicans decided to cross our borders. Americans will do ANY job - that's what makes us great. Just pay us what we deserve - that's all we ask.)
So immigration, much like social security, how to deal with Iraq, how to deal with our port security, and a bevy of other issues are playing havoc with the right side of the aisle. There's a problem though: no matter what happens, they ALL support the president. The guy's never vetoed a bill - and the only one he threatened to veto was the one banning TORTURE. Remember this when you vote in the fall - your Republican candidates might try to distance themselves from W, but in the end they've all done exactly what he wanted them to do. Something Stantis hasn't been able to do with his own characters - stay on message, no matter what the costs to the American public.
Sorry, I got sidetracked there a bit. Back to Carmen and Winslow. As I've said before they're proxies for Stantis. The problem is he can't keep his own issues straight, so it comes through in the characters. Unfortunately, that doesn't really work in comics. What if Lucy started to let Charlie Brown kick the football? Or the kids in Family Circus started cursing? It wouldn't make any sense, and that's why people don't understand Winslow. Or Carmen. Or Prickly City in general.
Or maybe Stantis is just using the "Strawman" method of debate that our President loves so much. "Some people" accuse Winslow of not acting like a coyote - which might not have anything to do with his politics. Instead maybe Stantis thinks people are complaining because they can't tell if he's a coyote or a fox. Knowing Stantis, that's probably what's happening.
*First biggest complaint: it's not funny.
Posted by The Furnace at 07:56 AM | Comments (1)March 27, 2006
A Pat of Dooky
Meet Winslow, who's lived most everywhere,
From Alaska to Barclay Square.
But Winslow's never seen the sight.
A coyote can see from Brooklyn Heights --
What a crazy varmint!
But all coyotes are cousins!
Identical cousins all the way.
Identical cousins and you'll find,
They laugh alike, they walk alike,
At times they even talk alike --
You can lose your fur,
When nametags tell you who's a him and who's a her!
March 26, 2006
Stantis Unplugged
It's Sunday, which means plenty of color and Winslow failing to fly. Stantis tries to get philosophical on us, talking about how people who think reality is subjective are liars. Tell that to your President, Scooter - in his reality Iraq isn't in a civil war, the economy is the best ever, and everyone in his administration is doing a heckuva job. And he's the President, so that unitary power of his says he's right.
As I mentioned yesterday, Scott Stantis held an online chat with folks at the Washington Post online. While most times these chats are a major bore, this was a bit interesting if only because Stantis's work is so polarizing. Prickly City is apparently a love it or hate it kind of strip. Reading through the transcript, it gives us a better idea of how the mind of Scott Stantis works. Below are some excerpts from the chat. There is no effort on my part to take these out of context and somehow embarrass the poor boy - that's why a link to the complete chat is up above. I'd just like to hi-light some sections to show how twisted the mind of a conservative comic strip artist can be. All Stantis quotes are in italics.
Scott Stantis: I am so happy to be here in the lions den of liberalism.
Immediately Stantis frames this as if he's in hostile territory - the dreaded Washington Post. Now most conservatives - the same ones that say the entire media is liberal - believe the WaPo to be somehow slanted towards the left. Granted some columnists are, but isn't that the job of someone who editoralizes? In general the Post reports the news, and if anything during the Bush administration if they've been leaning in any direction it's to the right. This is simply a way for Stantis to set up that if he gets any negative questions, it's because he's on some liberal website instead of deserving of honest criticism.
God bless our sales staff and God bless the Post for running Prickly City. (For our leftist friends that is a totally non-denominational, secular kind of God).
Now he's just being a smartass. Since when do people on the left not like God? I hate that Republicans and conservatives somehow think that God and religion are exclusively theirs. CJo and I are both Catholic (no clue about Sacki, although he seems to be a God-fearing man), and most people I know attend church (some Lutheran, others Baptist). God is God. So quit acting like he's YOUR God, Stantis. Funny - President Bush is OUR President, but God is Stantis's God.
I like to think of Prickly City as a chocolate covered cactus.
That explains EVERYTHING. Let me just run to the store and pick up some cactus for dinner.
The web IS a great place to start. Back when I was your age you had to find a small paper editor who would be willing to run your work. Often for nothing. Now, you can skip the middle person and go straight to a mass audience. The only problem I see with this is there is no editor to tell you when a cartoon sucks. Or makes no sense. Things you don't want to hear but really need to hear if you're going to improve.
Let me use some online lingo to respond here: LOL. You mean to tell me that Stantis DOES have an editor willing to tell him that his cartoon sucks and it doesn't make any sense? Worst. Editor. Ever.
I would love a much broader debate with reasoned discussion from a wider range of people and views.
Debate that includes "Michael Moore is fat," "Teddy Kennedy is a drunk," and "Howard Dean is a liar."
But the fact of the matter is, they DID give money to democrats per Abramoff's instructions.
This is a snippet of a question/answer that has to deal with Stantis's lying about Jack Abramoff and the Democrats. As I've explained previously, Stantis is wrong and I've proven it several times. Abramoff instructed his clients to give LESS money to Democrats since they were going to contribute to them anyway. This sums up Stantis and typical neo-cons in general - they simply can't admit when they're wrong. Instead they'll just repeat the lie over and over again.
Potomac: Many people find your comic absolutely childish, juvenile and just plain offensive. On some days, your points are so broad, so scattershot and so childish, it's as if the strip was "written" by an 8-year-old. And the drawing of the girl--what is wrong with her lips, and why is she always running and jumping off of cliffs? The strip is not funny, not enjoyable, and, really, offensive.
Scott Stantis: Then don't read it.
I think the person from Potomac summed it up pretty well.
But I do agree that the strip needs to expand and I have a handful of new chracters I hope to introduce soon.
Yes! Unless of course they're just as confusing and unfunny as the ones he already has.
If you read through the whole chat, near the end the crowd gets a little more hostile and Stantis does his best to respond - usually with a "then don't read it" response. The lowest part of the chat though is when a reader asks why Stantis can't just be FUNNY, and the moderator bails Scott out. I would have loved to have read Scooter's response to that.
So what can we take away from Scott's interaction with the public? He listens to the people who love his work, he writes off anyone who criticizes him as "not getting it," and he thinks he's doing a heckuva job. See Scott - reality IS subjective.
And I'll leave you with my favorite question and answer:
Ahack, UR: Scott,
Hi!
I am 12 and my name is Robbie.
I like your cartoon the most in my paper.
My dad really loves it, but my mom doesn't, but they
always argue about it, but in a fun way.
Is that the way u want it to b?
My favorite character is the fox.
How did you get that idea.
Thx for ansering!
U R the coolest!
Scott Stantis: Thank you. I am trying to figure out where UR is?
March 25, 2006
Teeter Totter
I'm really happy that today's strip happened when it did. It's a nice representation of everything that's wrong with Prickly City.
Yesterday Scott Stantis held a chat on the Washington Post website (as if they don't have enough problems with the whole Ben Domenech fiasco - next time guys, run a little background check. Try entering the words "conservative blogger" and "plagiarist" and see what comes up.) He addressed a several issues, trying to be funny while offering hard hitting answers to questions like whether Winslow is a fox or a coyote.
The chat is a really good look into the way Stantis's mind works - or doesn't work, depending on how you look at things. That's why I'm so happy with today's strip. After a week of rehashing trends that are months or years old, Winslow accuses Carmen of being a Socialist because she doesn't want people to buy so many things and to show some personal responsibility. Winslow calls her delusional, and that's our punchline.
How incredibly wrong is this on so many levels? It goes to show how Stantis doesn't seem to understand how a comic strip works.
Winslow is a liberal. Most people consider it to be the first step towards Socialism, which then leads to Communism. So why in the world would Winslow condemn Carmen for having the same basic beliefs (everyone works together for the benefit of the group) that he's supposed to hold dear? Carmen, she of the party of huge deficits, talks about people spending less. Huh? It makes my head hurt.
Reading the strip this week, and reading through his online chat, I started to ask myself why I take time out of my weekend to comment on Prickly City. I don't hate Scott Stantis. I'm not a fan, but there are worst people or unfunnier people on the planet (I'm looking at you, Sacki. That's what you get for calling me a fat city boy). But reading his strip, I realize: this guy gets paid for this. He supports his family on this strip, along with his one-off editorials. We're not talking about some guy running his own little strip on a blog somewhere - Prickly City appears in newspapers across the country, despite not being funny and not making sense half the time. And why is that? All fingers point to it being a conservative comic strip, while most other strips that are somewhat political tend to be more liberal.
That's why it was so appropriate that Stantis appeared on the Washington Post website to do his chat. To sum up the Ben Domenech blogger controversy, Ben was a 24-year-old blogger who started the conservative RedState blog. Since many people consider the WaPo Washington reporter Dan Froomkin to be left-leaning in his columns, the editors felt the need (and the heavy pressure from the righties) to bring in someone who represents the right. So they chose a kid with little training in journalism whose biggest claim to fame is that both he and his daddy were...wait for it...George W. Bush political supporters. Well it turns out that Ben not only loves writing - he loves the writing of others, and had a bad habit of simply cutting and pasting the work of others and trying to pass it off as his own. Heck, the kid even plagiarized the Washington Post! After a week of blogging, the lefty bloggers on the web gathered up a ton of evidence to show that Ben might not be the best choice, and he resigned before he could be fired.
And what was Ben's best - scratch that - ONLY qualification? He was seen as a conservative by a paper that felt it needed something to "balance" more liberal thinking. It's the same reason Stantis has been handed a primo spot on the comics page - and that's no reason to give someone a job.
Tomorrow I'll try to take a closer look at Scooter's meeting with the people, especially his interaction with a kid hailing from the state of UR in the city AHACK.
Posted by The Furnace at 09:51 AM | Comments (0)March 24, 2006
Faiku #6: Led Zeppole
Perfumed baby
Or the smell of sweet hot lard?
Eat donut, reflect....
March 23, 2006
Roll Tide Roll
It's the return of KTLBOTA, who hasn't been seen in these parts since January. Apparently, he comes around whenever SS has a hare up his ass, like today and like about perfume for babies. Baby perfume? I didn't even know it existed before I read today's strip. (I haven't independently verified whether such a product exists, since if it's in the comics it must be true.) But thanks to the proselytizing in Prickly City, I'm sure there'll be so many more people - dozens - who come to see that the wave of the future is in dousing babes with toilet water. Isn't that kinda customary in Alabama anyhow?
Good loard, was CJo ever correct in his assessment back in November when he identified "...typical Stantis. Get all mouth-frothy at a fake trend. Complain for a week. Scribble scribble stabble. REPEAT."
Posted by Sacki at 09:41 AM | Comments (3)March 22, 2006
Pigs Get Fat and Hogs Get Slaughtered
I'm just a simple guy, unlike my big-city-living colleagues here at Shrubville, CJo and Furnace. I don't know much about the whole Pilates craze or what the deal is with Buddhist yoga. I'm too busy working with my hands instead of sitting at a fancy desk with a bag of soy chips and Starbucks coffee to get fat. I'm not calling either of my esteamed broccoli-eating co-writers fat - not by a long shot. I wouldn't want to get them mad and have them sit on me. (Although that's probably some sort of highfalutin urban trend, too.)
The Democratic party - in cahoots with the liberal Hollywood elite - are causing this country to become obese, what with the way they glamorize unions, with their "workers' rights" and demanding more pay for less work. And with all that "free" time they go to their "Good Night and Good Luck" nostalgic box-office claptrap while eating a bucket of lard and cause real, patriotic, hard-working, free-market Americans to have to pick up the slack - the slack that these socialists would have in their clothes had they not gone so hog-wild at the trough of the welfare state. Well stated, Mr. Stantis.
Posted by Sacki at 09:28 AM | Comments (2)March 21, 2006
Out Of Ideas
Much like Stantis, I'm going to rehash a line I used the other day: what do you get when you take a reference to someone who hasn't been in the public eye for months and combine it with a trend that hasn't been popular since last year? That's right, today's Prickly City. A Paris Hilton joke? About decorating your cell phone? Dude, it's 2006. Stop living in the past.
Instead of reading this, I think people should be watching President Bush pull his own Khrushchev right now during his press conference. He's pounding the podium, swinging his arms around, raising his voice, and completely losing his cool. This guy's our president? He's acting like a man fighting with his wife over finances, not how to lead the free world. Maybe Stantis will talk about this...in two weeks.
Posted by The Furnace at 09:38 AM | Comments (3)March 20, 2006
Let's All Go To the Lobby - Not
In yet another installment of "Scott Stantis Fears the Future," we get Carmen upset that Winslow wants to watch movies on his Video I-Pod. And I can't blame the guy - no sticky floors, no rowdy teenagers, no yapping people who think they're in their living room, no ringing cell phones, no commercials before the coming attractions...sounds pretty nice. Stantis is the kind of guy who probably complained, "Now that people have their Walkmans and Watchman's will lose all touch with humanity!" Get over it, Scoots - the times, they are a changing.
So I guess we're in for a week of Stantis hating technology. Again. And really, can we blame him? It's not like anything of importance happened this week in history...
March 19, 2006
Face/On
What do you get when you combine a story from over a month ago and a movie that came out last year? Today's Prickly City.
With that said, any ideas what this upcoming week will be about? The biggest story I can remember was the Oscar telecast, which could mean "Crash" and "Brokeback Mountain" jokes, as if we haven't heard enough of those already. The Republicans voted against any more NSA investigations, which is what led to Senator Feingold's censure resolution (note to all of those Democrats like Harry Reid that are waiting for more investigations before supporting the censure: THEY AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN. You should know better than that - you're the freakin' minority leader for pete's sake). The Republicans picked up the tempo on the banging of the war drums with Iran, which I'm sure has nothing to do with their efforts to open their own oil bourse. What's sick is that they really think they can pull off invading yet another country in the Middle East that isn't an immediate threat - the only difference this time is the Iranian leadership admit they want WMDs (although they're 5 - 10 years away from getting close). Then again I guess I have a pre-9/11 mentality, as Dick Cheney is saying right now on "Face the Nation." Boy, this guy loves to talk about 9/11 when he's talking about Iran and Iraq, even though they have nothing to do with each other.
CJo is in transit this week, so Sacki and I are going to try and keep up with whatever Stantis does. I really hope Stantis introduces a new, full-time character. I understand that people are complex, and there are times when Stantis is conflicted about his conservative Republican beliefs. But he's drawing a comic strip (or at least trying to), and for his jokes to make sense he needs to keep Carmen and Winslow on track so we know what the heck he's trying to make a funny about. But don't bring back Dio - that guy was a black hole of unfunny. Or Kevin the Bunny - he was even less funny if that's possible.
On second thought, maybe he should stick with screwing up only two characters.
Posted by The Furnace at 09:24 AM | Comments (0)March 18, 2006
Waffler
Ugh.
Stantis is just as sloppy writing his strips as he is drawing them.
This week's "topical" take on the Dubai Port scandal is a great example, and it's summed up perfectly today. Winslow is against Belgium taking over port security in Prickly City because they're "sorta French," and Carmen says that makes him "Belgiumphobic."
How does thee confuse me, let me count the ways...
- What do we have against Belgium? Nothing. Has anyone even thought about them in the past few decades? Unless you're a college student backpacking across Europe, I doubt you could care less about Belgians.
The UAE, on the other hand 1) worked with the Taliban 2) was home of several of the 9/11 hijackers and 3) refuses to acknowledge that Israel exists. Oh, and they're a Muslim country in the Middle East, a part of the world we've been conditioned to hate thanks to our President and his friends.
- While I understand why Winslow is against the port deal (most Democrats were, along with most Republicans - outside of John McCain and Joe Lieberman), why is he against them because they're French? Remember, the French warned us against going to war with Iraq. The lousy stinky smelly liberals LIKE France. Maybe that's why you shouldn't have chosen "France Lite," Scooter.
I'll tell you what happened - Stantis wanted to use Luxembourg as the punchline. Then he looked at a map and saw that they didn't have ports. But Belgium does, and hey - they've got Brussels! Brussel sprouts! That's funny! Um, not really - unless you're 5.
- Is Stantis really accusing Winslow and the Democrats of being racist? After his conservative party spent the past four years demonizing everyone from the Middle East, he has the nerve to say anyone opposing this port deal - with a country, not a company, that has terrorist ties - is doing so based on their race? How offensive is that? It's even more offensive knowing that the Republicans opposed this just as strongly as Democrats, and it had nothing to do with race. Wow Scoots, you're really scraping the bottom of the barrel here.
But overall my biggest complaint with today's strip, and Prickly City in general (outside of being unfunny), is that Stantis simply doesn't understand his own characters. But then that shouldn't be any surprise, since he apparently doesn't understand politics either.
March 17, 2006
To Protect and Serve..and look good while doing it
Although it doesn't happen very often, I love it when Stantis defies the President - especially when it's the "cool" thing to do. The UAE/port scandal is a perfect example of this. Today he not only goes after the Prez for outsourcing our port security to a foreign country, he gets in a dig about how American Patriotism was outsourced to China. Nice.
What Stantis forgets is that this isn't just something he can pin on the President. Your Republican party, the "conservatives," are the ones in charge, Scott. Like CJo pointed out the other day, Chertoff and Brownie and outsourcing have all happened under your watch. The Republicans have tried to turn this port thing around - I mean they're supposed to be the party of national security, right?
From the Senate website, swapped from Daily Kos:
Lieberman Amdt No. 3034; To protect the American people from terrorist attacks by providing $8 billion in additional funds for homeland security government-wide, by restoring cuts to vital first responder programs in the Departments of Homeland Security and Justice, by providing an additional $1.2 billion for first responders, $1.7 billion for the Coast Guard and port security, $150 million for chemical security, $1 billion for rail and transit security, $456 million for FEMA, $1 billion for health preparedness programs, and $752 million for aviation security.
REJECTED by Republicans.
Menendez Amdt. No. 3054; To provide an additional $965 million to make our ports more secure by increasing port security grants, increasing inspections, improving existing programs, and increasing research and development, and to fully offset this additional funding by closing tax loopholes.
REJECTED by Republicans.
Stabenow Amdt. No. 3056; To provide $5 billion for our emergency responders so that they can field effective and reliable interoperable communications equipment to respond to natural disasters, terrorist attacks and the public safety needs of America's communities and fully offset this by closing tax loopholes and collecting more from the tax gap.
REJECTED by Republicans.
http://www.senate.gov/legislative/LIS/roll_call_lists/vote_menu_109_2.htm
Every year since 2001 the Democrats have proposed legislation to strengthen our port security, and every time the Republicans in charge have rejected it. Not just Bush, not just the neo-cons running the White House, the Republican party in general. Your conservative Republican party, Scott. So when you look around and wonder why we're not safer and why all of our jobs have gone to China, just remember: it's your fault, not mine. Everybody thank Scott and the rest of the morons who voted Bush and these Republicans into power.
On a side note (that's also not funny), I read an interesting theory yesterday on one of those conspiracy websites. Imagine if you will this scenario: the United States Coast Guard intercepts a ship carrying a nuclear device, but it detonates just outside a US port. The damage and loss of life is minimal, but it sends the message. The President announces that the ship was sent from Iran with Al Qaeda terrorists on board, and his illegal wiretapping program was the way they knew the ship was coming and was able to stop it from reaching our ports. Can you just imagine what would happen to our country if something like that were to happen?
But I mean that's just a crazy conspiracy theory that outlines how the Republicans and conservatives in power could use a terrorist attack to manipulate the country into giving up their rights and freedoms. Heck, the citizens would probably then encourage the invasion of a country in the Middle East that probably has nothing to do with the original attack.
Yup, just a crazy conspiracy theory.
March 16, 2006
Up Up and Away
To sum up today's drawerings, we learn that coyotes, although well-traveled, don't know exactly where things are in the world. Like France. So Carmen has to explain to him that France is a little bit like Belgium, except only bigger, has croissants instead of waffles, and there are fewer Walloons and Flemings there, but more Alsatians and Basques. How she came up with all this information, I'm not quite sure, but I suppose it has to do with her compulsion to study the things she hates more than those she supposedly loves. (If it's any consolation, I don't begin to understand her.)
Once again, it's all the fault of the Democrats. They and their teachers' unions and welfare state policies and politics don't allow a young child to learn about the full width and breadth of things they both love AND hate, just one or the other. "Women's Studies" for example...It doesn't take that long to learn how to use a stove, and yet there are people graduating with degrees in such fields...
Posted by Sacki at 09:43 AM | Comments (3)March 15, 2006
Twerp, Antwerp
Belgium became independent from the Netherlands in 1830 and was occupied by Germany during World Wars I and II. It has prospered in the past half century as a modern, technologically advanced European state and member of NATO and the EU. Tensions between the Dutch-speaking Flemings of the north and the French-speaking Walloons of the south have led in recent years to constitutional amendments granting these regions formal recognition and autonomy.
Thank you, CIA Factbook.
According to my sources, as of December, foreigners owned $2.2 trillion in U.S. Treasury securities out of a total of $4 trillion of privately held U.S. debt; as of 2003, 27 of the 145 U.S. refineries were owned by foreign-affiliated companies; German and French companies control drinking water and wastewater services for one in 12 Americans; Of 140,000 route miles of track owned by such railroads, about 8,000 miles are owned by two Canadian companies. And much, much more.
Once the Democrats found out that a. they have no real policy of their own; b. the President's "popularity" numbers are low and exploitable; and c. the foreigners weren't white (gasp!), they took the ball and ran with it, but much like Jim Marshall, they've taken it the wrong way. We can only hope this mistake by the liberals can be laughed at in the same way 40 years from now.
Posted by Sacki at 09:28 AM | Comments (3)March 14, 2006
Don't Blame Me, I Voted For Kodos
Yesterday CJo called it and today Charles got it right - Stantis brings up the Simpsons vs. the First Amendment poll. And it shouldn't be any surprise that more people know about Homer and the gang than what's in the Bill of Rights. It's not like they put up the Constitution three times a day and on Sunday nights for everyone to see. Much like geometry, the last time anyone cares about it is when they need it to pass a test in high school.
And let's face it - under our new President and his unitary powers (translated: I can do whatever I want because I'm king), the Constitution doesn't mean squat anymore. Heck, Bush has admitted that he BROKE THE LAW with this whole illegal wiretapping deal, then says he's going to keep doing it (and is), and odds are the guy's not even going to get censured for violating the Constitution (although I give props to Senator Feingold for trying).
I actually got my hands on the latest draft of the First Amendment, as written by Karl Rove:
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion (as long as you're a Christian), or prohibiting the free exercise thereof (as long as they're Christian holidays); or abridging the freedom of speech (unless you disagree with the President, then you're with the terrorists), or of the press (unless you blow the whistle on the President's illegal activities); or the right of the people peaceably to assemble (unless you're Cindy Sheehan), and to petition the government for a redress of grievances (unless you're being held as an "enemy combatant" and your family isn't told you're being held or what the charges are).
Also, the Fourth Amendment has been been eliminated entirely, replaced only with this picture:
March 13, 2006
Bow-Tied up in Knotts
If Michael Chertoff is the Don Knotts of the Bush administration,
and Cheney is the Norman Fell,
and Jenna & Barbara are the Suzanne Somers and Joyce DeWitt,
and Bill Frist is the Richard Kline,
and, of course, W is the John Ritter,
then who do we have to blame for this show getting picked up another term?
The 62,040,610 Americans who couldn't be bothered to get up and change the channel?
Or the people like Stantis who spent every waking hour aggressively promoting this claptrap?
He's YOUR Don Knotts, Scott. Enjoy.
Posted by CJo at 08:54 AM | Comments (1)March 12, 2006
If You Can't Beat 'em, Just Rip 'em Off
In today's Prickly City, Hobbes scales a rock in hopes of pouncing on an unsuspecting Calvin as he comes home from school, but Calvin puts up a "Pounce Free Zone" sign to foil his plans.
Does this mean I have to tune in to next week's podcast to find out if this is Stantis thinking he's being original, or if it's a tribute to Bill Watterson? Over the past year that I've been doing this I can remember one single time Winslow pounced on Carmen, and it involved pudding. Why not put up a sign that says "No Fly Zone?" Doesn't that make a whole lot more sense? Then again, we are talking Stantis here.
Since I didn't have anything to comment on with today's strip I ended up listening to the latest podcast, where Stantis goes so far as to act out Winslow's ridiculous "But so did Stalin!" bow tie joke, and it's even less funny when he does it. Toby even gives him a fake radio laugh. Dude, if you can't get TOBY to laugh at a joke, DON'T PRINT IT. That's only common sense.
As Charles pointed out in yesterday's comments section, Stantis announced that next week's strips will actually be timely, and made it sound like some kind of blockbuster of comedy (more Stalin jokes?). I like Charles's guess - that more people know the Simpsons than the Constitution. Otherwise I have no clue what Stantis considers up-to-the-minute - the guy's still making John Kerry jokes and he thinks Josef Stalin references will go over great with the kids. Maybe we'll get some more "Al Gore is boring" zingers...
March 11, 2006
Don't Forget The Bow Tie
What the heck am I supposed to do with this crap? Winslow uses staples to tie his bow tie. Hardy har...huh? It's the weekend - I was hoping that Winslow would have bought one of those battery-operated bow ties that spins in order to use it as a way to try and fly. No such luck - just lots of talk of band aids.
Since CJo and Sacki were lucky enough to get Josef Stalin to work with, it got me to thinking: who would have been a funnier choice that actually, you know, wore bow ties? Here are some suggestions:
Senator Paul Simon. My Senator from Illinois for many years, he was a great man that spoke verrrry sloooowly. While most will remember him for his bow tie, I'll always think of those gigantic ears of his. If Stantis had gone in this direction he could have made plenty of jokes about how Democrat Simon failed time and time again when running for President, but then he'd have to admit that Simon's protege', Barak Obama, has a really good chance to winning it all.
Al Franken as Senator Paul Simon. I'm surprised Stantis hasn't done more with Franken. Granted this is the only time Franken wears a bow tie, but still - the guy's a progressive, which means Stantis should want to take every opportunity to draw him as a fat slob even if he's not.
Louis Farrakhan. 'nuff said.
This guy from The Apprentice. I have no clue who he is since I never watched the show, but I guess he's running for Congress as a Republican. And let's face it - he TOTALLY looks like a guy that Carmen would crush on. As for the rest of us, is it just me or does looking at him on that website make you want to punch him in the bow tie?
In any event, there had to be somebody better than Josef Stalin to propel this week of silly strips all week long. At least Winslow finally got the bow tie to work - not let's just see if Stantis can staple some pants on the boy...
Posted by The Furnace at 09:42 AM | Comments (1)March 10, 2006
Tae Bo
Knock, Knock.
Who's there?
Paul Simon.
Paul Simon who?
Senator Paul Simon. I'm dead, by the way. AND I used to wear a bow tie (when I was alive). Does that mean Sacki will make fun of me?
In other news, Winslow is now trying to Be Like Scott. Or, I suppose, Be Like Tucker. All -- one suspects -- in the hope that Carmen will find him attractive. But silly Winslow just can't figure out how to tie a bow tie. It's not all that hard, man. Even JoJo Stalin could do it! (Thanks, jackmac.)
Today's strip ends with a cliffhanger. Winslow appears headed for sure death, hanging upside-down, Peter-the-Apostle-like (minus the crucifix and nails).
With any luck, Winslow will die. Then Sacki can write an extended humor piece about Winslow's rotting corpse while Winslow's "spirit" will finally FLY up to heaven (to no doubt meet Dana and Christopher Reeves[sic]).
Posted by CJo at 06:31 AM | Comments (1)March 09, 2006
Green Eggs and Yosemite Sam
While perhaps yesterday I would've cared if Carmen had gone on and announced her dreams and ambitions, that would only be because it was "blog against sexism" day, as well as "International Women's Day." Now that the balance and order of the cosmos is back in alignment, however, I can't say I care at all. Firstly, because this isn't a web log - it's a web site. Secondly, ladies shouldn't be in politics. Not until they figure out how to make men earn 77 cents for each dollar a woman makes, at least. Am I wrong? It's a test, and if they can figure out how to do that, then we'll know that they can be trusted to be in charge.
Lemme finish up by pointing out the tale of this Dana Reeves character. She raised all this money, spent all this time, trying to find a cure for her husband's disease...and came up with nothing. She's a leading woman? C'mon! How to avoid Christopher Reeves' fate? Don't fall off a horse. It's a little something called the "Humpty Dumpty Rule."
Posted by Sacki at 09:18 AM | Comments (3)March 08, 2006
The Great Dicktators
'Tis spring, you know. The birds are singing, the flowers are blooming (in Alabama at least), Sports Illustrated is publishing excerpts from a book on Barry Bonds and steroids, and Scott Stantis is going CRAZY.
As you'all helpfully pointed out yesterday: If Carmen has a crush on Stantis look-alike Tucker Carlson -- whether it means Stantis is depicting the forbidden love between an 8-year-old girl and her creator or the equally forbidden love between a man and his own mouthpiece (aka, self-fellating) -- any way you slice it, it comes up peaNUTS.
Today he goes from the ludicrous to the really fucking ludicrous by adding Josef Stalin to the mix.
I can picture Scott hovering over the drawing pad, all hot and/or bothered at the thought of finally have the guts to follow HIS dream: to draw Carmen having a crush on HIM. He decides he needs to soften it a bit by throwing in some "humor," but his brain is so addled with thoughts of his own dick that he can only add a "tator" to the end (and subtract the "k") and google 'dictator.' He wades through a couple of Hitler photos, a stray Qaddafi website, a couple of left-leaning sites referencing Bush, then WHOOMP THERE IT IS: Stalin. "He's not really wearing a bow-tie, but his shirt is buttoned to the top, and I'd find a better fit for my 'joke' but I've got to continue drawing l'il hearts around Carmen..."
And so endeth the session.
And the syndicate sighs.
And the readership shrugs.
And we're here to pick up the pieces.
Posted by CJo at 06:31 AM | Comments (4)March 07, 2006
Tucker?? I Hardly Knew Her!!
In the "things I didn't need to know" category, we find out that Carmen has a big ol' crush on Mr. Bow Tie himself, Tucker Carlson.
Now why would a little neo-con tot show so much love for a guy with the first name Tucker? Let us count the ways...
- He's been a staunch reporter of Scooter Libby, bashing prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald every chance he gets. Of course Tucker forgot to disclose that his dad is on the advisory committee of the Libby Legal Defense Trust. Oops, maybe Carmen can teach her new beau the meaning of "full disclosure."
- Tucker got his ass handed to him by Oscar host Jon Stewart on the show that ultimately led to the demise of CNN's Crossfire. That's right - Stewart went on Tucker's turf, called him a dick, and now Tucker's stuck on MSNBC scoring lower ratings than Paula Zahn. Maybe Carmen can cheer him up by telling him he's not really a partisan hack. Yes, she should lie to him to make him feel better - it's the only way.
- Don't forget the bow tie. Ladies loves them some bow tie action.
- Carmen probably thinks Tucker is really smart. I mean he IS a conservative, and he's on TV. I mean, it's not like the guy never finished college, right? Oh, wait...
- And who can forget Tucker's insistence that hunters don't drink alcohol when shooting? Tucker is a big manly man, so I'm sure he couldn't be lying about going hunting with "the boys," right?
- Heck, let's just let Media Matters finish this up for us.
Since Winslow has a love jones for Conde Rice, it would have been nice if Stantis had given Carmen some forbidden love for a guy on the left. Maybe she could have been lusting after Paul Begala ("his bald spot is dreamy") or Keith Olbermann (especially since the guy's got the balls to go after Bill O'Reilly). But nope, Stantis goes for the obvious bow tie jokes. Too bad Tucker's married with three kids - now it just makes Carmen look like the Long Island Lolita. What a little slut - couldn't she just crush on Bob Novak like all the other little conservative girls?
Posted by The Furnace at 08:48 AM | Comments (3)
March 06, 2006
Spring Sprang Sprung
Where I come from a robin is the first indicator of spring. However, in Prickly City it ain't spring until Stantis bashes Barry Bonds.
He's been beating the Bonds/Steroids drum for a long time, both in his political cartoon and here at PC. We get it, dude. You think everything Bonds has done is tainted. IF he breaks the HR record, you'll make sure to put an asterisk by his name in the record book, and that asterisk shall be composed of eight steroid-filled syringes. Bravfuckingo.
In the real world, serious steroid testing is entering its second year. And if Bonds is "ballooning" due to illegal drug use now, we'd know about it.
You got anything else, Scott? Anything relevant for Spring 2006?
Posted by CJo at 09:35 AM | Comments (0)March 05, 2006
I Learned It From You, Dad!
Today, Carmen yells at Winslow to get off his lazy, no good, welfare-loving butt and do something with his life. But realizing that he's happy, she joins right in.
Sure, it's a cutesy little Sunday strip. Kinda funny in a way. I suppose I could say it's a metaphor for what's happened with our government: that after years of screaming at how people on welfare are all lazy leeches, the Republican government realized that's the way to go. Now corporations are the ones on welfare, while the government runs up mountains of debt that our grandkids won't be able to pay off - all so we can be "happy" now.
Instead I think I'll just consider this a light-hearted little romp that the kiddies can enjoy. It's better than suffering through another stupid bird strip.
Posted by The Furnace at 07:15 AM | Comments (0)March 04, 2006
(Insert Wile E. Coyote Joke)
Winslow chases a bird off a cliff. Seriously, that's today's strip. He doesn't even try to fly - no flapping of the arms, no twitching of the ears - just runs straight off the edge. And it wasn't too long ago that Winslow was screaming, "AWWWW" at a bird because he was afraid it had the flu - now he's actually trying to race after one. I'm not sure what's worse, bad drawings of Howard Dean or non-sensical bird strips. Who am I kidding - they all suck.
What makes things worse is that two weeks ago there wasn't much going on to serve as fodder for this upcoming week. Cheney was still on the front pages as the cover up continued, and we had yet to find out that Bush was willing to put money over security with the UAE port deal. Maybe if we're lucky Stantis was running late and he can actually be a bit more timely and we can discover that somehow Prickly City has access to the ocean.
How bad is it going to be this weekend? I actually listened to another podcast. Toby reveals that he voted for Kerry and Stantis shares his man-love for Karl Rove. Oh and they make fun of how the cleaning lady looks. I'm still not sure why the podcast exists other than for Stantis to say, "Hey, did you listen to my podcast?" If Shrubville had a podcast, unfortunately this weekend we'd be as out of material as Stantis - but no cleaning lady to make fun of. At least the Sunday strip will be funny, right? Right?
March 03, 2006
When Doves Die
I don't care where we go
I don't care what we do
I don't care, Linda the Lost Cactus Wren of the Apocalypse
Just take me with U
Even though you have Avian Flu...
U - I would die 4 U
Darling if you want me 2
U - I would die 4 U
So...Scott...
When U call up that shrink in Birmingham
U know the one - Dr. Everything-Should-Be-Conservative
Instead of asking him how much of your time is left
Ask him how much of your MIND, Stantis.
’Cuz in this life
Things are much harder than in the Afterworld
In this life
You’re on your own (save for Toby)
And if de-newspaper editors try 2 bring U down
Go crazy - Sniff another marker.
Leaving us with...
I knew a girl named Carmen
I guess U could say she was a GOP-fiend
I met her standing next to a cactus
Liberal-baiting with a magazine
She said how’d U democrats like to win next time
All you gotta do is cheat and lie.
March 02, 2006
Ye olde Mohammed cartoon scandal is today's subject? Brilliant. Unlike my colleagues here, I don't quite mind when a subject is brought up that is a whole 2 weeks old! They've got their podcasts and their web blogs and their meet-ups and moveon.orgs and they're living high off the hog in their ADDled 21st century big city ways, but I think a little time for reflection and introspection and extrapolation and interconnection is necessary to fully come to terms and find some sense of meaning.
All that aside, I don't take anything away from today's strip; maybe I'll get to it in two weeks. How about you?
Posted by Sacki at 09:42 AM | Comments (7)March 01, 2006
Wake Me When It's Over, Touch My Face, Tell me Every Word Has Been Erased
This guy is so stale.
How stale is he??
This guy is so stale he...uh...um...you know...repeats himself and stuff.
Which, of course, I'd never do.
If Scott can copy-and-paste yesterday's strip into today's while adding a zombie/lawyer joke instead of the deferment quip, then maybe I can copy-and-paste the Furnace's dead-on take from yesterday on the bullshit that is The Cheney Series. But I won't.
However, I will supply my own zombie/lawyer joke. Let's see...here goes...
"Harry Whittington is old and decrepit! Like a zombie FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE! But he's a lawyer! Oh no! That's even scarier than a zombie!"
Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-haaaaaaaaaaaawlarious.
Posted by CJo at 12:10 PM | Comments (3)
picture courtesy of JB
