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February 19, 2006
Thank God Stars Are Only 6,000 Years Old
First off, I'd like to apologize for something I wrote in yesterday's entry. I stated that Scott Stantis got in trouble for lying about what Ted Kennedy said. That is false, and you can check the comments section for an explanation of what happened. Stantis did not lie - he just thought it would be humorous to make fun of the death of a young woman. Just like he did with Terri Schiavo. However, Stantis was still wrong for claiming there are no coyotes in Alaska, an error he has yet to correct. I guess he doesn't have to live up the standards of those useless newspapers.
As for today's strip, it's Sunday so that means it's cutesy time in the City. Carmen and Winslow do some stargazing and there's an actual punchline at the end. I won't ruin it, but it's one of those, "I guess this is kinda funny, but it could have been a lot funnier" sort of strips. At least it doesn't suck. Much.
So you know what that means...Future Goggles! What was happening two weeks ago that Stantis will make fun of this week? Hopefully no young women died tragically...
- Nope, not young women...just people rioting in the Middle East over cartoons! I'm sure Stantis could have a field day with this. I wonder if he'll ask the hard questions, like why is it nobody cared when these cartoons were published back in September of last year? Gee, who would want to inflame tensions between the Muslim world and Europe? Or maybe there's another explanation - one the traditional media hasn't been sharing with us. Oh those wacky Saudi Arabians - although Conde ran around blaming the Iranians and Syrians for some reason. I'm not really sure why she would want to do something like that.
- Even Republicans started to question the legality of President Bush's spying program (I refuse to call it the "terrorist surveillance program," a term dreamed up by the good folks at Newsmax). Will Stantis touch the whole wiretapping scandal? He already has, but he seemed to oppose it - would make for some interesting comics as Scooter wrestles with his desire to live a life without being spied on and his love of most things W.
- There was a little story that didn't get much attention - can President Bush order the killing of someone on US soil? You'd think that would be a big story, but nope. The guy already imprisons people without charges and tortures people, so I guess this is the next logical step. Heck, we all know a week from now Stantis is going to tackle how the Vice President can shoot an elderly person in the face, cover up what exactly happened, and get away with it.
- The whole "Iran wants nuclear capabilities" story gained more traction. Bush acts like they've already got nukes and have the finger on the button - experts say they're five to ten years away from being able to do that. Who should we believe? I mean it's not like the President lied about another country having WMDs...oops.
- Stantis's favorite democratically-elected "dictator," Hugo Chavez, compared Bush to Hitler. Nah, Stantis won't waste time on that guy anymore. Then again I thought he was done making fun of the mother of a dead soldier.
- Someone finallly had the balls to tell the truth, that we know there were never WMDs in Iraq - right in front of the President! It was at the funeral of Coretta Scott King, and Republicans were up in arms - I mean how dare he, bring up politics at the funeral for a political activist?
- Personally my favorite story: a young Bush appointee was telling people at NASA that every time they mentioned the Big Bang they had to include the word "theory," because he was pushing to replace real science with Intelligent Design. Turns out the guy wasn't just unqualified for the job (his claim to fame was working on the Bush campaign), the kid didn't even graduate college. Ah yes, cronyism is such a beautiful thing, isn't it?
- Of course the biggest story was that Attorney General Alberto Gonzales testified in front of a Senate committee about W's spy program. For some odd reason he wasn't sworn in to testify under oath, just like those oil execs who lied about being a part of Cheney's energy meetings. The highlight: apparently, according to Gonzo, President George Washington was wiretapping Americans. Whodathunkit?
- And on a sad note, Grandpa Munster passed away. Thanks for the laughter, Mr. Lewis.
Wow, lots happened a couple of weeks ago, and I probably missed some big stories. But at least Stantis will have a ton of material to work with. Unless somebody wrote in to correct him on something - then it's no holds barred to layeth the smacketh down on anyone who dare question the authority of Mighty Scott Stantis.
Enjoy your Sunday.
