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February 12, 2006
Fly Hard Part 452: Fly Harder (Again) - or - If At First You Don't Succeed, You're a Failure
I'm not sure how it works in publishing circles. Maybe, since Sunday is a day when kids are most likely to flip through the funny pages, political operatives like Stantis are asked to keep it simple, stupid. Maybe that's why most times he's got Winslow trying to fly in a single panel that requires as little drawing as possible. Or maybe Stantis is just lazy. In any event, Winslow tries to fly again and fails. I betcha on April Fool's Day we actually think the little bugger gets to soar!
Which brings to us to what's become a regular column at the Shrub: what might Stantis talk about this week? Granted I only try to do stuff like this when Stantis phones it in, so it's happening every other day now. So strapping on the Shrubville Future Goggles (which look back two weeks to see what Stantis does next week), what could Carmen and Winslow deal with over the next few days?
- "I did not have social relations with that man!" - George W. Bush on his relationship with Jack Abramoff. Maybe we could learn that Toothy the Beaver, while a Canadian citizen, is actually a powerful lobbyist for Indian Casinos. Despite Carmen having been seen with him several times in last week's series, Stantis could go back and scrub those panels and act as if they never met.
- Ann Coulter "joked" about poisoning a Supreme Court justice. Do you think Stantis will spend a few days on this like he did the Harry Belafonte story? That's like asking if Tim Russert would ask John McCain about this story the same way he did Barack Obama about Belafonte. Then again it would be funny if Carmen joked about killing Winslow. No, wait, that's not funny. Oh Annie, stick with what you do best - acting insane.
- Around this time the leader of Iran was saying that the Holocaust never happened, as if to say, "Hey, is anybody listening to me? What does a guy have to say to get noticed? Hey, I know..." After his brush up with the NOW I doubt Scooter will touch something like this, although we might find out that Shelly is jewish.
- Exxon posted the highest profits for any US company ever - 10.7 billion dollars for the last quarter of 2005. Let me say that again: 10.7 BILLION dollars for the last THREE MONTHS of 2005. Over 36 billion for the year. I hope Stantis learns how to draw an SUV, because I'd love to see him explain how the oil companies can make more money than god while the rest of us struggle to pay our heating bills this month.
- Then there are the last two big stories of that week: Samuel Alito was confirmed to the Supreme Court and Bush gave his State of the Union address. While I'm sure Stantis would love to recycle the bit with Winslow wanting to be a judge, I have a feeling we'll get a "State of Prickly City" address from somebody. And he'll probably find a way to make fun of the mother of a dead soldier because there is sooo much comedy potential in that. Personally, I think there's a lot of comedy gold to be mined from Winslow constantly wanting to pro-create with human women since Bush is so opposed to human-animal hybrids. Since that's the case W should have a good long talk with his buddy anti-abortionist extremist Neal Horsley, who was more than happy to admit that he had sex with a mule. Oh those wacky ultra-conservatives. It's good they don't run the country. Oh, wait -
In closing: do you think Stantis has any idea how perfect a metaphor Winslow trying to fly and failing every time is for his comic strip?
