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January 31, 2006
Sour
Well unfortunately I called it on Sunday - Stantis spends today going after Ray Nagin's Chocolate City comments. Which is a shame, since I was having fun last night trying to come up with irrelevant Republicans who might run against Tom Daschle (Dan Quayle topped the list).
As for today's strip, Winslow calls for Prickly City to be a "yellow-ish, lemon meringue" color once again, I guess since that's the color Winslow is supposed to be. Which means that if you don't read PC on the weekends when it's in color then you have no idea what the heck he's talking about. Especially since no coyote I've ever seen is yellow.
UPDATE: Word is some coyotes ARE yellow. Strange but true.
Maybe Prickly City was where all of the Chinese brought in to build the railroads decided to settle down.
Oh, and there's a bird watching Winslow give his speech since he needed an audience. Maybe CJo can fill us in, although I wouldn't doubt that this will lead to a future storyline where we find out Winslow is having an affair with the bird and gets impeached. Meanwhile, Carmen is lying us into war and illegally spying on us and gets a free pass.
So instead of commenting on what Bush might say in his "State of the - my State of the Union - or state - my speech to the nation, whatever you want to call it, speech to the nation," expect Hillary's plantation comments to dominate the rest of the week. And much like today's strip, millions of readers will say, "Huh? Oh yeah, I remember reading something about that a few weeks ago. Who cares? Did you see Bush declare himself dictator last night? Now THAT'S topical."
January 30, 2006
Left (Cheek) Behind
Kevin the Lost Bunny of the Apocalypse lives.
If you ask me, the fact that dumb bunny is still considered a good idea for the strip is a sure sign of Le Temps d'End.
Putting that aside, I tried to find some information on Tom Daschle "thinking of running for president." Alas, the only "source" I could find referencing the story was everybody's (second or third) favorite wacky-right "news" outfit, Newsmax. Now, granted, that was just doing a very brief Google news search. A newspaperman with, say, the benefits and resources of, say, The Birmingham News might have better luck finding legitimate sources. (Not that we get our news from the comic strips. But, heck, the comics are probably more trustworthy than Newsmax.)
By the way, if you're looking for a clearer sign of the End of the World as we know it look no further than one of the best sponsors of many of the far right online publications. Not sure if you've noticed, but your newsmaxes, your coulters, and your malkins all have pictures of some shirtless guy in tight shorts trying to fuck the floor.
Wait, did I say "fuck the floor"? I'm sorry, I meant to say engaging in Politically Incorrect Fitness, Fighting & Maximum Success Instruction of Combat Conditioning.
I get the feeling Mr. Furey's video is a convenient form of material with which closeted Republicans can condition and exercise their...um...soldiers (similar to all those straight men out there Sweatin' to Anna Kournikova's "exercise" video).
Somewhere John Wayne is wanking.
Posted by CJo at 09:07 AM | Comments (5)January 29, 2006
Violence on the Internets
In today's cutesy, oh so relevant, in no way 3 years behind the times Prickly, Carmen gets 237 forwarded email jokes and like any good neo-con tot she uses violence to solve her problems and takes an axe to Winslow to get him to stop. Heh.
I think we're all guilty of this - if we get a good gag, we want to share it. I think though we've tapped into why Stantis isn't funny - if he thinks there are 237 funny emails floating around the net, then his level of funny is much lower than mine. Then again, maybe he thinks "make your weiner bigger" spam mails are comedy gold.
On a side note, has anyone else noticed how Stantis's artwork has gone downhill fast this past week? Granted he's never been all that skilled in the drawing department, but damn - he's been downright awful this week. We started off with that bizarre Harry Belafonte song parody, then the Howard Dean that looked absolutely nothing like Howard Dean, and today we get the ugliest depictions of Carmen and Winslow ever.
Seriously - did Stantis break his drawing hand? Maybe he did, and since he's a poor cartoonist he's one of the 48 million Americans without healthcare (up every year since Bush was elected!). Or maybe he's letting Toby draw as part of his internship. If that's the case, Toby: you've failed. And if Stantis is fine and dandy and drawing this piss-poorly - you should be ashamed to call yourself a professional comic strip artist. Seriously dude - you're embarrassing yourself in front of a national audience. At least the axe looks good, but I have a feeling he traced that.
So what might be up this week at PC? Setting the Way Back Machine for the week of January 15th, 2006 we have several options:
- The CIA attacked a village in Pakistan thinking that one of Osama's number 2s, Al-Zawahiri, was hiding out there. Unfortunately, Al-Z's dinner invite got lost in the mail and he never showed up. Oops, only dozens of innocent men, women and children were killed. You mean the CIA bombed a town based on faulty intel? At least it wasn't a whole country. AGAIN.
- Walter Cronkite condemned the war in Iraq and called for a withdrawl of the troops. How dare he - it's not like he's been through another war with no exit strategy and called for us to leave years before anyone else. Oh, wait... I expect Stantis to call him a coward and draw him like "Howard Dean" with a moustache.
- And of course the biggies - since MLK Day was the 16th, look for Stantis to get a lot of mileage out of Hillary's plantation comments and Nagin's wanting New Orleans to be a chocolate city. Get those google searches ready so we can remind Stantis that the Republicans referred to the Democratically-controlled Congress as a plantation on a regular basis in the early 90s. No clue what he'll do about the chocolate city, although he might yet again hint at Carmen's ethnicity. It'll never be as funny as Master Shake assuming that Frylock is black - and I know, NOBODY gets that reference but it made me laugh so it's staying.
Any ideas on how Stantis will spend the week? Offer them up in the comments section while you enjoy your Sunday.
January 28, 2006
Mail Sack!
Week after week we here at the Shrubville home offices receive oodles of mail from every corner of the world. So today we begin what I hope will be a regular feature here at the Shrub: Reader Mail!
We start with an email from Mark in Washington:
Dear Shrubville: Today is the first time I read the comic strip Prickly City. I'm sorry, but I just don't get it. Is this supposed to be funny? It shows some kind of fuzzy animal - I think it's a squirrel - falling through the air and saying "If I were in charge things would be a lot different." What does that mean? Is it a flying squirrel? And why is it supposed to be funny? I googled "Prickly City unfunny" and your website came up - can you give me a hand?"
Hi Mark - thanks for writing. You're not alone in not seeing any humor in PC, and you came to the right place. You see, Winslow is a liberal coyote who's always trying to fly. It's a metaphor for lefties, since they always dream the big dream but they'll always fail because...well, because they're dirty, stinky, smelly liberals according to "artist" Scott Stantis. I know, I know - the country is at its lowest point ever under Republican rule, but you have to remember that Scott Stantis is a card carrying neo-con, so in his mind everything is cheeky.
However the more I think about it, I get the feeling that today's strip might be Stantis's first attempt at a "They did it too!" defense. Let me explain: Winslow says if he were in charge things would be different, yet he crashes to the ground. Just like the Republicans are doing now. But like Sacki pointed out the other day it doesn't matter who's in charge - they're all going to fail. Now I don't know if I agree with that (especially not on Abramoff - Stantis DID lie, and not only did he only donate money to Republicans, he actually directed the Indian tribes to give LESS money to Democrats. So suck on that, Sacki). So I get the feeling that after trashing Harry Belafonte and Howard Dean as wackos, yet waking up to see that mAnn Coulter had called for the poisoning of a Supreme Court justice, Stantis might be trying to say, "Hey, it's not our fault - anyone in charge is going to fail sometimes." Way to stick up for your party, Stantis.
This letter comes to us from the great state of New Jersey, thanks to Samira:
Hey hot stuff (lol) - are you guyz on myspace? Because that would totally be cool and stuff.
Hi Sam. Actually, this past week a Shrubville group was started on myspace: click HERE to sign up. I'm not really sure what myspace is all about, but our intern Gary thought it would be a good idea. But he also thought reader mail was a good idea, so who knows.
Our first hate mail comes from Bill in New York:
How dare you try to judge the brilliance that is Prickly City. Scott Stantis is a TRUE American - not like you commie pinkos who don't support the troops and want Osama Bin Laden to be our President. George W. Bush should be able to do whatever he wants - he won the election in 2004, and HE'S A WAR PRESIDENT. And no, I'm not a little girl who's afraid of everything and thinks that only Daddy Bush can protect us, and I'm not worried about paying my bills every month because I'm running out of room on my credit card, and I might be worried about not being able to fill up my SUV this week but we have to invade Iran because they have nookular weapons!
You suck!
I'm sorry you feel that way Bill. I guess you're right - there are consequences in elections. And unfortunately we've all suffered under President Bush. I'm sure things will get better - I mean, Bush does have a plan, right? Right? I'm sure the State of the Union Address on Tuesday will detail exactly how Bush will make things better. That he'll own up to the fact that the economy isn't as strong as he says, that things aren't going as well as he says in Iraq, and that the national debt is so high that we could default on our loans in February and that he's going to take immediate measures to deal with the problem other than more tax cuts for the rich. I'm sure his SOTU will be a true, honest assessment of how far down the shitter he's flushed this country and he'll offer real solutions to our problems.
Just like I'm sure this whole mail bag wasn't just made up by me to kill a Saturday entry when Stantis chalked up yet another unfunny strip.
Join us next time (maybe) for more from the Shrubville Mail Sack!
Posted by The Furnace at 08:35 AM | Comments (1)January 27, 2006
I Wore a Drunk's Red Nose for Applause
Isn't that special. Pat Robertson pays a visit to Prickly City to heckle Winslow about all the sodomy that's been committed on the coyote's ass.
But alas, Robertson is off-panel so we don't get the opportunity to see how Stantis would've depicted him. Had Robertson been a true enemy of the state, believe-you-me, he'd be the subject of a Stantis Scribble Job.
But only the objects of Scott's vicious, bitchy scorn get that treatment. Like Dean yesterday (whom Stantis has admitted he hates [his words] on his podcast) drawn to look like everybody's favorite bulbous-nosed drunk. No, not Teddy Kennedy. W.C. Fields. Or how about the time he drew everybody's SECOND favorite bulbous-nosed drunk -- yes NOW Teddy Kennedy -- making him look like a combination of a Jeff MacNelly character and the Creature from the Black Lagoon (Chappaquiddick! Get it?) And who could ever forget that magical day when Stantis scored the hat trick: three people he hates in one day! Michael Moore got an anti-U.S. baseball cap and 100 extra pounds! Dan Rather got the Howard Dean nose and 50 extra pounds! And Whoopi Goldberg got extra black and...25 extra pounds!
Surprisingly, Hillary Clinton has only gotten the off-panel treatment so far, when she pushed and shoved her way (get it? she's power hungry!) to the front of the Prickly City Democratic National Committee. But I imagine Stantis is hard at work on the perfect Hillary sketch to unveil when we get closer to 2008 (assuming Prickly City hasn't gotten the axe by then).
If you're looking for any ideas for Hillary, Scott, might I suggest you try...say...adding 50 pounds and a bulbous drunk's nose?
***********************
By the way, is yesterday all Stantis has to say about Abramoff? Arguing with Dean about the semantics of whether Abramoff gave money directly to any Democrats (he didn't) instead of his clients giving money to the Democrats (they did). THAT is what upsets him and inspires his Sharpie? End of Story? Move on.org to something else? Give a little limp-wristed jab at Pat Robertson today? Maybe make Winslow try to fly over the weekend?
Well, of course.
Forget it, Jake. It's Chinatown. I mean: It's Stantis.
Posted by CJo at 06:37 AM | Comments (1)January 26, 2006
Well Blow Me Down
Listen, we all know Dean is crazy and full of stupid ideas. It's possible it's all some innate characteristic of the name itself, but I'm not a proper onomasticist. (And to perhaps preempt the obligatory comments, no - I'm not a proper onanist either; I'm a vulgar onanist.)
So let's get down to brass tacks. Do Republicans skirt the letter and intent of lobbying laws? Certainly. Same as Democrats. What are you gonna do about it? What can you do about it? Go tell it on the mountain? Exactly. Not gonna happen.
After 8 years of the Clinton administration's antics, be they invasion of privacy, use of torture, high-level malfeasance by the Secretary of Agriculture or HUD, the acceptance of questionable contributions from foreigners, or making sure good buddies are taken care of , what the hell is the big hubbub?
Dean should take Dean's advice: Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life. Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
Posted by Sacki at 11:00 AM | Comments (10)January 25, 2006
Vintage Stantis
January 24, 2006
Hypocrisy, Thy Name Is Stantis
Neo-cons always make me laugh, but in a "laugh at" not a "laugh with" sort of way. And they also frustrate the hell out of me. Today's Prickly is a perfect example.
A few weeks ago Harry Belafonte made the following comment while in Venezuela:
"No matter what the greatest tyrant in the world, the greatest terrorist in the world, George W. Bush says, we're here to tell you: Not hundreds, not thousands, but millions of the American people … support your revolution."
A very controversial comment, to be sure. And apparently, calling someone names is very, very bad and something Carmen (& Winslow apparently) both abhor.
Funny thing though. They refer to Hugo Chavez as a "dictator."
But he's not. He's a democratically elected leader, winning in a landslide back in 2004. Now granted his presidency has been riddled with accusations of abuse and spying on his opponents - sound familiar? Hey Bushies - it's the kettle calling, he says you're black.
What we see here in action is a device neo-cons love to use called "framing." Immediately they frame President Hugo Chavez as a dictator - something we all know to be bad. He then talks about the comments made by Belafonte to said dictator - meaning no matter what he says, he's bad too. And apparently by expressing HIS OWN PERSONAL OPINION - not the liberal agenda, not a lefty talking point, not a Democratic issue - he's evil incarnate. And now Carmen is going to call him names.
To which I say: Bring It On. Do you really think we're afraid of you, Stantis? Come on - the best you can do is go after Harry Belafonte and try to somehow contribute that to what other Democrats say? Why don't we mention Ann Coulter or Sean Hannity every time Bush opens his mouth? I'm sure the Prez would love to know that Ann Coulter speaks for the entire right side.
Maybe it's because what Belafonte says, while outrageous, hits a little too close to home. Let's check the dictionary:
tyrant
n 1: a cruel and oppressive dictator [syn: autocrat, despot] 2: in ancient Greece, a ruler who had seized power without legal right to it 3: any person who exercises power in a cruel way; "his father was a tyrant"
terrorist
adj : characteristic of someone who employs terrorism (especially as a political weapon); "terrorist activity"; "terrorist state" n : a radical who employs terror as a political weapon; usually organizes with other terrorists in small cells; often uses religion as a cover for terrorist activities
I won't make any comments other than to say - do those things remind you of someone? And I'm not talking about a guy who sings calypso songs about bananas.
January 23, 2006
Somewhere Weird Al is Weeping...
Listen, I'm no Yankovic myself, but Scott's attempt today has to be the clunkiest song parody this side of...say... THIS Banana Boat Song parody.
But hey, let's give Stantis some credit. He managed to get a somewhat current event (January 8) into the paper (January 23) before we all forgot about it.
Though I suppose this is all part of the campaign to NEVER FORGET about it. We're all supposed to breeze over wire-tapping and Abramoff, but god-fucking-forbid we forget about the Traitorous Pinko Leftist Hollywood Mouthpiece Who Dared Speak His Opinion.
That's how elections are won. I bet $10 in '08 we'll see a photoshopped picture of Barack Obama with Caracas Harry.
Posted by CJo at 06:38 AM | Comments (2)January 22, 2006
Next Time: A Tribute to Archie
Scott Stantis takes a break from political commentary, but not from being unfunny, in today's "sinful" Prickly. Here he tackles the comic book stylings of Frank Miller's classic "Sin City," which I guess is technically not completely out of style since it's going to be showing on cable next month. Somebody subscribes to Starz...
Stantis has tried to stretch his "creative" muscles before, dipping into manga back in December 2005. While his drawing is better now, the story still leaves a lot to be desired. Winslow wants to be a hardcore bad ass, but his true desire is to be a...ballerina? What's that old phrase kids used to say - that punchline goes over about as well as a fart in church.
You know what might have actually worked, and I would have forgiven Stantis for going there? Winslow's dream is to be a cowboy, and Carmen says, "You know, that doesn't have the same meaning it used to."
Here's where I would normally list the "Things Winslow Could Have Been That Are Funnier Than a Ballerina," but I'm not really in the mood. If anyone is reading this and wants to offer up suggestions in the comments section, please feel free. But I'm sticking with the gay cowboy line. Because, lets' face it, Stantis is implying that Winslow - ergo all Democrats - are gay nancy boys who want to wear skirts and tights. This from the guy in the bow tie.
So what will next week hold for Prickly City? Will Stantis keep his promise of Carmen running against Winslow in the mayoral race? Probably not, since it wasn't funny the first time he went there. Maybe Iran's nuclear program? We won't hear anything about Osama's tape since it happened last week. Did you know that one of Osama's #2s, Zawahiri, the guy we tried to kill in Pakistan but missed, also released a tape last week? For some reason the traditional media didn't report it, even though we've been told by George W. Bush that he isn't "that concerned" with Osama and that his deputies are much more dangerous. Odd.
Anywho, I have a bad feeling Stantis will spend the week on the Alito hearings and drawing a drunken Ted Kennedy. Joy.
January 21, 2006
I Could Have Been a Dreamer
First things first: Yesterday's strip seems to have stirred up even more controversy for the Washington Post. Of course it couldn't come at a worse time - WaPo already has their hands full since their new ombudsman lied about Democrats getting money from Jack Abramoff and they refuse to admit it. Now I'm sure she'll argue that Scott Stantis doesn't hate gays, which is proven by this picture. No totally straight man would ever wear a bow tie (I'm looking at you, Tucker Carlson).
As for today, Stantis proves that he's not above exploiting Martin Luther King Day in order to take a shot at the Democrats. When Winslow once again tries to fly he yet again fails miserably, leaving him to lament, "I had a dream..." Because, you see, like all Democrats Winslow might have big plans, but ultimately they're going to fail because they're dirty, smelly, stinky liberals that can't accept their place in God's - er, I mean the Intelligent Designer's world.
Well I had a dream - I had an awesome dream. People in the park, playing games in the dark...oh, wait, sorry - that was Lionel Ritchie's dream. But that doesn't mean I can't dream too.
I have a dream where...
- Al Gore won the 2000 election. Wait, that turned into a nightmare. Nevermind.
- George W. Bush admits that he's illegally spying on American citizens and he's immediately impeached. Dammit, that turned into a nightmare too!
- Scott Stantis didn't exploit MLK Day in order to take a cheap shot at Democrats. Damn, this isn't working out too well...
- the Washington Post isn't a tool of the Right Wing Noise Machine?
Bah - maybe Stantis is right. Maybe lefties will dream the big dream, but the big bad Sandman will come along and smash our dreams to bits with his kendo stick. Or at least that's what the Radical Right Wing wants us to think.
Dems have always been the dreamers. Heck, even our little dreams - like for women and minorities to vote, for everyone to be 5/5 human instead of 3/5, to provide social security to everyone, to end slavery, etc. - have come true. So maybe it's not so hard to believe that if we dream big enough - like keeping Bush from becoming a fascist dictator - we might just make that dream come true. And maybe, just maybe, that damn little coyote might fly.
Somebody get him a jet pack, stat!
January 20, 2006
The Return of the Weeping Dead
I suppose it's inevitable that if we recycle Shrubville "jokes" enough that Stantis will ultimately recycle the material that inspired the jokes to begin with.
Wednesday: I trot out the weeping dead (based on, if you'll recall, Stantis imagining Edward R. Murrow weeping...from...you know...beyond the grave and such).
Friday: Stantis has another dead person weep bitter tears.
This time, it's John Wayne. Carmen is sure his rotting corpse is weeping at the thought of "Brokeback Mountain" and its humpin' cowboys.
If any corpse is weeping, it's probably Monty Clift, who, as you may or may not know, got a raw deal. He was one of the original gay cowboys (starring with Wayne in "Red River"), but lived his life in the closet, numbing his tortured existence with drugs and alcohol, trying to hide his true self from the likes of John Wayne, who probably would've beaten him for sport had he known about his sexuality.
So let's all raise a gray thermos of vodka, fruit juice, and Demerol, and toast to the Right Profile:
And everybody say, "Is he all right?"
And everybody say, "What's he like?"
and everybody say, "He sure look funny."
That's Montgomery Clift, honey!
January 19, 2006
Everything Looks Worse In Black and White
In Prickly City lived a lass
Whose coyote chum over the cliff went alas
"Why didn't you stop me?
A friend you cannot be
So eat fur-coated worm shit from my ass"
January 18, 2006
Smoron or Wiser
Today our little friend Carmen informs us she was born Wiser.
Wiser? WISER?!! Hardly, little lady. We all know you were born Smoron.
Of course, this is all coming to us from our resident genius, Scott Stantis. It turns out Scott is also some sort of cultural historian. He has actually pinpointed the Fall of Polite Society to "somewhere between 'Beavis and Butthead' and Howard Stern."
Well-done, old boy. Good show.
Let's break it down...
Howard Stern's radio show began national syndication in 1986 and ran until 2005, when he went to satellite radio.
"Beavis and Butthead" was on the air from 1993 to 1997.
So the period "between" Stern and Beavis is 1986 to 1993.
There you have it. According to our Moral Superior on the Right, our culture became "coarse" and we "lost our manners" "somewhere between" 1986 and 1993, which included two years of Ronald Reagan and four years of George (Herbert Walker) Bush.
And somewhere Lenny Bruce is swearing...FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE.
Posted by CJo at 10:18 AM | Comments (1)January 17, 2006
Miss Manners
JB called it in yesterday's comments section: a full week of Stantis complaning about how our culture has grown "coarse" and people are rude. And who's to blame? Beavis & Butthead and Howard Stern, of course.
What is it with Republicans and their desperate desire to go back to the 50s? Is it really because they want people to be like the Cleaver family? Where everyone supposedly said, "yes ma'am" and "no sir" and "go sit in the back of the bus?" Do they miss manners, or do they miss a world where white people clearly were in charge of the country and didn't have to worry about "uppity" minorities? Kinda sick if you think about how Stantis started this strip on Martin Luther King Jr. Day. Maybe he thought he was being "ironic," wishing that we were back in a time when people said "please, don't use that, it's a 'whites only' drinking fountain."
Or maybe Stantis is pissed that he can't listen to Howard on free radio anymore and he's too cheap to pay for a satellite radio. Come on, we all know that deep down inside Scooter wishes he could hear Howard swear as much as he wants without getting censored. I mean I'd like to think that a guy with his own comic strip that's been censored by newspapers for its outrageous and controversial strips would be a strident supporter of free speech. Oh, wait, we're talking about a Republican here. The only speech he cares about is the one his president is illegally listening in on with his wiretaps.
Maybe instead of focusing on a culture of rudeness Stantis could have spent his time denouncing the culture of corruption that's infected the Republican party. He could still blame Beavis, since the Democrats went through a similar phase in the 90s. I know that I think it's much more dangerous to have Tom DeLay, Bill Frist, Jack Abramoff, Bob Ney, and a host of others running the country while lining their pockets instead of hearing someone use a swear word in public.
In the words of someone who's much more influential than a couple of cartoon characters, Stantis:
- Dick Cheney, Vice President of the United States, to Senator Patrick Leahy on the Senate floor.
January 16, 2006
Burp (In The Name of Love)
Taking a break from picking on the one Kennedy from Grabassachusetts who wasn't good enough to be assassinated (and he's the biggest - and therefore presumably the easiest - target to hit), today we have his doppelganger, the hairy & impolite coyote who has no control of his bodily functions.
Would the Taxandspendocratic senator have said "excellent" after letting loose a particularly well executed belch? Perhaps, but it's not on the record. However, combing over the historical archives here at Shrubville central, we can see the thoughts of the greats on the subject of gaseous eruptions.
George Washington: Our country's honor calls upon us for a vigorous and manly exertion; and if we now shamefully fail, we shall become infamous to the whole world.
Thomas Jefferson: I find the harder I work, the more I have of it.
Theodore Roosevelt: Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.
Jimmy Carter: You can do what you have to do, and sometimes you can do it even better than you think you can.
And finally, in the name of love...
Martin Luther King, Jr.: A right delayed is a right denied.
Posted by Sacki at 09:25 AM | Comments (1)January 15, 2006
Broken Dreams
"Too much dream, not enough balloon." Such is the hard reality that Winslow learns as he once again fails to fly, but since the Intelligent Designer wants his butt stuck to the ground he isn't going anywhere.
Today's full color strip reminds us of the folly of being a Democrat. We might have pie-in-the-sky dreams, but will we ever have enought to pull them off? Hell, we even had a half million more votes than the Republicans in 2000 and we still lost. Bush won by that and declared a mandate in 2004.
Which got me to thinking: five years later, how would things have been different if Al Gore had won in 2000?
- A world without Dick Cheney in power! No Donald Rumsfeld! No Conde Rice ignoring PDBs about "Osama determined to strike within US!" No Jon Ashcroft or Scott McClellan or Richard Perle! No Colin Powell lying to the UN (okay, maybe he would have been there but he wouldn't have been lying).
- No outrageous deficits and balanced budgets! Sure, we'd have plenty of "Gore is a bore" jokes, but wouldn't that be a whole lot better than being 8 trillion dollars in debt?
- Gore probably spends his first nine months in office working instead of 40% of it on vacation. That means setting up the lock box (no tax cuts for millionaires; Social Security is fixed).
- 9/11 probably doesn't happen. I can imagine Gore actually listening to Clinton's warnings, and besides - Osama didn't have a personal grudge against the Gore family.
- I doubt Gore would have illegally spied on Americans. I really should put this before 9/11 on the timeline, since it's just been revealed that Bush actually started to wiretap Americans BEFORE 9/11. So much for "we have to fight the terrorists!" as an excuse to ignore the Constitution.
- No invasion of Afghanistan if there's no 9/11, despite Unocal's desire to build an oil pipeline across the country.
- No declaration of a "war on terror," which is by its very definition a war without end. How do you defeat "terror?" Aren't there ALWAYS going to be terrorists? Last time I checked Timothy McVeigh and the Unabomber were both terrorists that never heard of Al Qaida.
- No invasion of Iraq. Unless Saddam threatens to kill Gore's daddy and Gore somehow became an oil company executive intead of believing in alternative energy and saving the environment.
- I doubt there would have been a controversy over the 2004 election. The Republicans would have probably run Bill Frist, and it would have come out that he illegally traded his family's healthcare company stocks.
- No Terri Schiavo case. I don't see President Gore flying across the country on his day off to sign a bill into law that's just for one person.
- We wouldn't be worrying about going backwards to the Dark Ages thanks to a court packed with ultra-conservatives like Roberts and Alito. Women everywhere wouldn't have to be concerned about losing their right to choose or hell even their right to vote.
- Katrina still happens, but Gore at least acts quickly to keep things from getting as bad as they were. Remember how Bush took a week to even admit something was wrong? Yeah, one day to help a brain-dead woman whose brain was liquifed - a week to help thousands of people stranded by a hurricane. You Republicans should be ashamed of yourselves.
Wow - the world really would be a different place under Al Gore. Sure, these are all just dreams - but it would be a whole lot better than the nightmare we're living in now. Let's just hope the Democrats actually fill the balloon up enough this time to float our country back to greatness instead of letting the Republicans pop it yet again.
Posted by The Furnace at 09:15 AM | Comments (2)January 14, 2006
Gay Cowboys Eating Pudding
Talk about watching a guy go through a mid-life crisis right before our very eyes (via his surrogates). As I mentioned a week or so ago Stantis uses his Prickly City characters as a way to express his own beliefs, and man - the guy either needs some therapy or a trip to the car dealership to buy himself a Corvette.
After Winslow talked about sporking himself yesterday, today he tries to literally rip his own fur off. After that fails miserably, Carmen gloats, saying she told him that he wasn't velcroed in there. (When was the last time anyone referred to velcro, by the way?)
In any event, poor Scott Stantis is obviously going through a major transitional phase in his life. And I can't blame him: everything he used to believe in as a Republican is crumbling right before his eyes. Big government. Illegal spying. Corruption. Dammit, those were things we're supposed to accuse Democrats of doing! Not the party of God! Not to mention being engaged in not one but three wars with no exit strategies, an out-of-control deficit, and a President who only gives speeches in front of handpicked crowds. It's not supposed to be like this, is it Scotty? The Republican party you grew up with is no more.
I'm sure that's tough for you to accept, especially since you know your core audience still wants to see you suck up to the Powers That Be despite all of the questions swirling around in your head. Can you support a president who illegally spies on Americans and then brags about it? A president who tortures? A president that accuses anyone who disagrees with him of being a traitor? That last one really has to bother Stantis, especially since he's been known to tweak Bush everyone once in a great while. But dammit, it's the Republican party. He knows no other. Even though he's got all of these conflicting feelings in his head, he can't turn to another party, can he? He can't side with the Democrats on some of these major issues...it's against what God says. He chose to be a Republican years ago. Dammit, it's his choice, right? What are all of these strange feelings stirring inside of him?
Maybe Stantis is Jack Twist in Brokeback Mountain, saying to the Republican party, "I wish I knew how to quit you!" The feelings he has for Democrats can't be real.
Ultimately I'm sure Stantis will come to terms with his sexuality. Er, I mean political affiliation. It's okay Scooter, we're here for you. No matter which mountain you choose to ride.
January 13, 2006
Hey There, Blimpy Boy...
...Flying through the sky so fancy-free.
Thank GOD Stantis drew the blimp in the last frame. Otherwise I'd have nothing to work with but a spork reference. And that wouldn't get me very far.
As it stands -- with the blimp -- I can quote one of my favorite bits from Shrubville 2005, courtesy of The Furnace after Stantis' first foray into inexplicable blimps:
Then we have a blimp(?!) floating along the skyline. Is it supposed to be symbolic of something? Stantis has written, "P.C." on it, so maybe he's reminding his dumber readers what they're reading."Hey Ma, what's the name of that stupid comic we read that trashes dem damn liberal treehuggers."
"I think it's called Marmaduke."
"No, the one with the little cat and his colored friend."
"I dunno, look for a blimp with the initials on it - that should tell you."
And so ends Fear of Isolation Associated with New Technology Week.
And what a week it was.
We had iPods,
We had cellphones,
We had glory holes and blimps.
But the viewing cliffs we climbed
Were just seasons out of time.
January 12, 2006
That Coyote Needs A Father Figure
Firstly, I'd like to give mention to CJo accurately predicting today's turn of events just yesterday with his "Baby, there's a hole in there somewhere. But heck if I can be bothered to find it today." By which it is implied that he will find it 'tomorrow'. And for that he wins...a day off from writing. Perhaps he could skip work, get together with a couple of readers, take in a Cubs game and hope that his boss doesn't catch a glimpse of the television when he's captured on-screen snagging a fly ball. Sounds like it beats taking up office space, at least.
Meanwhile, back in the Prickly City, we're treated to a variation on what heretofore was been the theme of this week, apparently. The consensus around here seems to be that 'Fear of Isolation Associated with New Technology' is the tack that the strip is on. So today we find Winslow gaining sexual relief by taking advantage of a glory hole. When love comes down without devotion is it good enough to take it on faith, he tacitly wonders. Well played, Mr. Stantis. While not as explicit as coyote-turtle relations or staight-up bestiality, it's still purely provocative. I hope it doesn't give CJo any ideas on his day off, tho.
Posted by Sacki at 09:59 AM | Comments (4)January 11, 2006
There's a Hole in There Somewhere
Baby, there's a hole in there somewhere. But heck if I can be bothered to find it today. I think The Furance smartly wrapped up Prickly City's Fear of Isolation Associated with New Technology Week yesterday...and it was only Tuesday.
That leaves a lot of empty space to fill.
With Grimace and Springsteen exhausted, I'll have to rely on iexplicable and non-sensical Genesis references to get by. Like the above photo. Which, at least, was taken by my cell phone to make it somewhat relevant.
Posted by CJo at 09:29 AM | Comments (4)January 10, 2006
"Bite My Shiny Metal Ass"
Awww, poor Scotty Stantis is afraid of the big bad boogeyman: technology. With everything phones can do today (take pictures, play music - heck, play videos), then we as a nation are sure to ignore each other and become isolated hermits who only live for our new scientific gizmos. Next thing you know, we'll have suicide machines on every corner and floozy-bots.
I'm sure Scooter would prefer to go back to the 1950s like all good Republicans. A simpler time, when everyone went to church and mom wore pearls when she vacuumed and the Red Menace was knocking on our door. Instead, thanks to our damn phones, nobody goes to church, mommy and daddy live in separate houses, and terrorists are trying to kill us in our sleep with dirty bombs.
But how could this happen??? How could the intelligent designer let us devolve (or is it evolve?) to such a point? Unless, of course, he really is God and wants us to steamroll our way to The Rapture so his Son can return. And see how lonely we are, making sweet love to our phones.
Of course Stantis forgets the simple reason phones exist, which is to communicate with one another. Which keeps us from being lonely. Yeah, we can do all these nifty things with our cellulars when we're bored, but if someone really is alone odds are he's at home downloading porn, not talking on the phone. I'll bet Stantis was the one bitching about everyone else having an Atari when he was a kid - because he didn't have one himself.
Don't fear the future, Scotty. Embrace it. Buy yourself one of those fancy schmancy phones. Get ready to take the next step in our evolutionary process, if you will. And if you're lucky, there might just be a sex bot willing to wear hip-huggers and thongs waiting for you.
Posted by The Furnace at 09:39 AM | Comments (1)January 09, 2006
Is Anybody Listening?
There's no reply at all, my man.
You'd think by now the War on iPod Scott has waged would've caught fire and there'd at least be a special O'Reilly Factor detailing the various fronts.
But alas, Scott, you'll have to pick a different topic with which to rile the troops. Might I suggest cell phone etiquette?
At any rate, for all your weekday Shrubville browsers, I hope the first thing you do on Mondays is scroll down for The Furnance's always brilliant weekend walkthrough of the wasted and wounded Saturday and Sunday strips. It is good stuff.
Posted by CJo at 09:36 AM | Comments (7)January 08, 2006
F + Art = Prickly City
Oh great. Stantis is going to spend Sunday whining about the National Endowment for the Arts. Carmen says some artwork stinks, and Winslow tells her she can't say that. Yup, that's us liberals - telling people what they can or can't say. We despise that silly Freedom of Speech. God Stantis, is there anything you don't suck at?
It's the old "I don't want my tax dollars going to pay for art that I think is ugly" thing. Maybe next week he'll debate how Nixon won the radio debate back in 1960 based on substance while pretty boy JFK only won because he was prettier on the TV. I'm betting art-lover Laura Bush would have banged JFK. Maybe that's why Stantis's hero George W. Bush decided against cutting the NEA's budget early last year.
I see absolutely no irony is Stantis whining about his money going to pay for crappy looking pictures drawn by an "artist" with no talent.
Maybe Stantis has a point. Maybe our tax dollars shouldn't go towards things that are as subjective as art. I mean, it's not like the NEA helped to create the American Film Institute. Or choose the design of the unforgettable Vietnam Veterans' Memorial. Or helped to keep ballet and Shakespeare alive in the hearts and minds of Americans.
But honestly I don't feel like wasting my time on this. It's one of those go-to issues for Republicans when things aren't going well. When was the last time anybody cared about the NEA? Maplethorpe? In 1990? At least Stantis could have gone after PBS - Republicans were bitching about that only a year or so ago.
I had high hopes with the wiretapping series that Stantis had grown a pair of wrinklies. Apparently I was wrong. Let's gear up for a week of how everything is Clinton's fault and Reagan was a god.
Posted by The Furnace at 10:07 AM | Comments (0)January 07, 2006
The Surrogate
I think it's safe to say that characters serve as a way for an author, or heck, even a cartoonist to convey his or her message. Surrogates, if you will. Which is why today's strip is so heartening for those of us hoping that Scott Stantis would start to think for himself instead of listening to whatever he's told by Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, and Captain Bill O'Reilly (served: War on Christmas, 2005).
In a riff on that classic "This is your brain on drugs" PSA from a few years ago, today Stantis - via Carmen - explains that while he was conflicted earlier in the week, he truly does believe that our President is a criminal who should be thrown in prison to rot right alongside Saddam Hussein. Okay, maybe I'm reading a little too far into the future, but a guy can hope.
You see it was only two days ago when Carmen was arguing with Winslow that our national security was more important than our civil liberties. On one side you had Winslow, the Patrick Henry of Prickly City, demanding that Carmen and our President give him either liberty or death. On the other side you had Carmen, the scaredy cat Republican who's so afraid of her own shadow thanks to President Bush that she's more than happy to have the government illegally spying on her.
But today shows that Stantis, along with a number of people on the right, realize that Bush has gone too far. Sure, they're cool with him lying them into war. And yeah, a super-huge yet ineffectual government is okay as long as millionaires get tax cuts. But spying on American citizens without a warrant? That's just a little too far. They want a Big Brother, just not THAT big.
Much like my friend Neo-con Mel, Stantis has seen the light. At least a little shaft of light peeking through his roof of ignorance. It's wrong for the President to act like a dictator or a king. It's wrong for him to illegally wiretap Americans and then brag about it. And he should stop.
And the mother f*cker needs to be impeached.
See, right there I was acting as a surrogate for Scott Stantis. He might not feel comfortable saying it, so I said it for him.
Posted by The Furnace at 10:50 AM | Comments (0)January 06, 2006
In the Wink of a Young Girl's Eye
Remember those glory days of early this week? Back when it appeared that Scott Stantis was going to make a point? Well they're gone. So we all should go down to the well tonight and drink 'till we get our respective fills.
He started this week with an outline, a shape. Expectations were high that he'd add some details and flesh out a point. But instead he just kept expanding the shape, making it bigger and blobbier. The only detail he added was a dash of purple. So here we are on Friday with a big, fat, purple blob of flesh that signifies nothing. And all we can do is grimace.
Posted by CJo at 09:28 AM | Comments (0)January 05, 2006
What a Kroc...or...Do You Want Lies With That?
"We've been had."
Joke's on you, CJo. I haven't been reading the strip all week! After leaving the anus horribilis of 2005 behind, I haven't looked back. It's putrid back there. However, after reviewing what I've "missed" it looks like we're back on another set of bum strips to start out this year.
No Chumley to liberty is Bush, for certain, but Cheney makes us all Grimace. (A little Birdie told me that one.) His thoughtful comic strip response of "How 'bout a little of both" recalls the glory days of the Reagan era, portrayed most lyrically in the tune "Glory Days" which was all over the radio in 1985 because everyone loved Ronnie. What days those were. And a not so young Dick Cheney took some time to "find himself" and enrolled at Hamburger University. (See paragraph 5 for full details.) In addition to fully vegetablizing ketchup (the theories of which he would later utilize in de-nuclearizing weapons), it was there that he came up with the idea for the McDLT - it keeps the hot side hot, and the cold side cold!
So when the man says "how 'bout a little of both" he knows of that which he speaks, and we should all learn by his example. This entry has ended, you may go in peace. Amen.
January 04, 2006
Deep Thoughts
We've been had.
He lured us in with two strips about wire-tapping that we thought were veering into "anti" territory when, in retrospect, they were pretty non-committal. He wasn't -- it turns out -- making a point these last two days. He was merely doodling.
Today, his doodling turns into noodling. And his conclusion is: It's hard to come to a conclusion. It's hard. It's hard work. It's work best left to the deep thinkers like Bush or...like...Dio, the devil-worshipping philosopher lizard who may or may not be dead.
But at the root level of these deep thoughts is finding an out for the President, with which Scott is happy to comply. Is the check in the mail, Scott? You'd better cash it quick.
Posted by CJo at 11:00 AM | Comments (1)January 03, 2006
Conflicted
It's happened.
George W. Bush has finally admitted to something that even Scott Stantis can't go along with.
As you've probably heard, President Bush is accused of illegally wiretapping American citizens. And while he insists "These (wiretaps) are designed to monitor calls from very bad people to very bad people," I think we - and that includes Stantis - know better. W is listening in on whoever he wants whenever he wants, and he's made it clear he's not going to stop anytime soon.
That's why I'm so conflicted about today's strip. It's actually pretty good, but I can't help but think it's a little dated. But it fits in so perfectly with what's going on, I have to give Scotty a passing grade on today's exam. Sure, the "Can you hear me now?" guy is a bit passe', but it works for this storyline. And the Winslow kicker at the end fits too. All in all, it looks like my X-mas wish came true, at least for one day.
On the political side: okay folks, what's it going to take to get this guy and his cronies impeached? He failed to protect us on 9/11. He waited a month before going after Osama. He still hasn't FOUND Osama. He lied to take us to war in Iraq. His buddies outed a CIA agent as retribution against the one guy that pointed out that he was lying. And now he's acting like a dictator that can wipe his ass with the Constitution because "it's just a goddamned piece of paper" (rumored to be his words, not mine). Yeah, I know, if we impeach W and toss him out we're left with Cheney. But now the guy's admitted to breaking the law, and he has no intention of stopping - or at least holding off until he can convince us (and Congress) that he's doing the right thing. What else though is it going to take for us to finally say, "ENOUGH?" Another terrorist attack? Another invasion of a country that's not a threat? What if in 2006 he decides that elections would be a threat to national security, and maybe he should just appoint himself ruler until he thinks we're safe?
If Stantis has had enough, maybe the rest of the country isn't as red as we thought. Let's hope this is a good omen for 2006.
January 02, 2006
The Blame Game
It took me awhile to "get" today's strip. For the longest time this morning, I thought God was listening in on Carmen and Winslow's phone conversation. As you know, God is omnipresent. He's running our government, he's choosing textbooks for our schools, he's picking which football teams win which games -- he's EVERYWHERE, PEOPLE! But the more I thought about it, the more I realized today was Stantis referencing the Bush wire-tapping scandal.
It's a cute strip. After all, it's probably just a harmless conversation Winlsow and Carmen are having about the PETA rally Winslow attended. There's no reason for alarm. There's no reason for concern. Just let the Exectutive Branch of the government do what they see fit. That's why Stantis spent so much newspaper space and so much energy in 2004 to ensure Bush was re-elected. Can you imagine the Tax Sandwich we'd all be chewing on had Kerry been elected. It would've been a disaster.
You did a heckuva job, Scott; heckuva job.
Posted by CJo at 01:04 PM | Comments (3)January 01, 2006
Copy Paste Edit Repeat
Sweet, sweet 2006. How I welcome thee. A clean slate. A fresh start.
I hereby resolve to give "Prickly City" a fair shake, to appreciate the talent of Stantis, to enjoy Carmen and Winslow, to... to...
JUST KIDDING!
Stantis is no doubt hoping Shrubville would be too hung over to notice today, but we're not, Scott...we're not. We're wide awake. We're wiiiiiiiiide awaaaaaaaaaake. We're not sleeping.
We know when you copy. We know when you paste.
I present to you, dear readers, Prickly City from January 3, 2005. That looks a little...how shall we say...friggin' familiar!
Meet the new year. Same as the old year. Ad infinitum, ad astra, forever and ever.
Posted by CJo at 10:10 AM | Comments (3)
picture courtesy of JB
