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January 10, 2006
"Bite My Shiny Metal Ass"
Awww, poor Scotty Stantis is afraid of the big bad boogeyman: technology. With everything phones can do today (take pictures, play music - heck, play videos), then we as a nation are sure to ignore each other and become isolated hermits who only live for our new scientific gizmos. Next thing you know, we'll have suicide machines on every corner and floozy-bots.
I'm sure Scooter would prefer to go back to the 1950s like all good Republicans. A simpler time, when everyone went to church and mom wore pearls when she vacuumed and the Red Menace was knocking on our door. Instead, thanks to our damn phones, nobody goes to church, mommy and daddy live in separate houses, and terrorists are trying to kill us in our sleep with dirty bombs.
But how could this happen??? How could the intelligent designer let us devolve (or is it evolve?) to such a point? Unless, of course, he really is God and wants us to steamroll our way to The Rapture so his Son can return. And see how lonely we are, making sweet love to our phones.
Of course Stantis forgets the simple reason phones exist, which is to communicate with one another. Which keeps us from being lonely. Yeah, we can do all these nifty things with our cellulars when we're bored, but if someone really is alone odds are he's at home downloading porn, not talking on the phone. I'll bet Stantis was the one bitching about everyone else having an Atari when he was a kid - because he didn't have one himself.
Don't fear the future, Scotty. Embrace it. Buy yourself one of those fancy schmancy phones. Get ready to take the next step in our evolutionary process, if you will. And if you're lucky, there might just be a sex bot willing to wear hip-huggers and thongs waiting for you.
Comments
Maybe it's all a big setup for February sweeps and a very special episode featuring a very special guest, el Unabomber. Or maybe that'll be in La Cucaracha. Either way: very special/muy especial.
Posted by: sacki at January 10, 2006 10:41 AM
