« To Be The Man, You've Got to Beat The Man - Unless You Are The Man - Then Quitchyer Bitchin' | Main | War Is Heck »
December 17, 2005
WWMMD? (What Would Mayor McCheese Do?)
Ooohhh, this is gonna get good. Winslow is running for mayor too.
So, using my handy dandy "How To Win a Campaign Against a Dirty Stinky Liberal Handbook" (written by Karl Rove), this is what we can expect in the epic face/off between neo-con Carmen and liberal Winslow:
- Carmen will mention 9/11 in the first twenty seconds of EVERY speech she gives. She will then repeat it at least a dozen times throughout the speech. Even though she lives in the desert.
- Winslow will call for a redeployment of the troops in Iraq over the next six months to neighboring countries so the Iraqis can govern themselves. Carmen will call him a coward.
- Carmen will call Winslow a flip-flopper, even though Carmen's the one who seems to be unable to settle on one position (first she's a moderate, then she's a Republican, then she's a neo-con - then she's whatever it will take to get her elected).
- On the day of the election, Winslow's phone banks will mysteriously be jammed so he can't reach out to offer rides to the polls for his supporters and to remind them to vote.
- When the election is too close to call, Carmen will play her trump card to insure a victory. Who says you need the popular vote to win?
- Carmen will find some way to accuse Winslow of not defending the constitution, having an illegitimate mixed race baby, of being crazy, and of helping the enemy in the Viet Nam War (just like Poppa Rove). None of it will be true - but what does that matter? It wins elections, baby.
- Throughout it all, Winslow will nod sheepishly and try to talk about issues like fighting poverty, tax cuts for the middle class instead of the wealthy, cutting the deficit, smaller government, universal healthcare, and allowing Iraq to be independent so our troops can come home.
Of course Winslow's gonna lose.
Comments
What stinky liberals like Winslow don't realize is that Carmen needs to be able to read everyone's diaries and listen to their phone calls in order to keep Prickly City safe from terror. Without that vital information, citizens may be having playdates out in the desert with Al Qaeda without any way for the city government to know about it, aside from the occasional Mayor's Daily Briefing headlined "Al Qaeda determined to have playdates in Prickly City."
(I think this analogy has now been stretched to sufficiently Stantis-esque lengths.)
Posted by: M. Heiden at December 17, 2005 01:19 PM
