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November 26, 2005
Just Impeachy
Prickly City keeps it simple today: what would Winslow do if he was President? Carmen hits the rimshot - get impeached.
First, a minor complaint from an amateur writer like myself. What Stantis has written doesn't really make much sense grammatically. If Winslow was going to "do" something, he wouldn't impeach himself since Congress does it. So for me the exchange would have made more sense if it went as follows:
Winslow: You know what would happen if I was president?
Carmen: You'd get impeached.
Winslow: Before that, stupid.
(I added the stupid part because I think it would be funny if Winslow called her stupid.)
Anywho, what could Winslow do that would get him impeached?
- Having sex with a turtle and then lying about it when he shouldn't even be asked about it. Then again, he's not married and admitting to an affair wouldn't ruin his marriage, so maybe not. But since it's a Republican Congress, this would surely be his downfall.
- Sexually harrass Condi Rice. Maybe he could call her and talk about rubbing her breasts in the shower while working on her with a falafel. Nobody could harrass someone like that and keep his job, right?
- Lie about WMDs and ties to terrorists and invade a country that doesn't threaten us. Nah - a Republican Congress wouldn't impeach him for something silly like that. The turtle option is much more important.
- Illegally obtain subscription drugs like Oxycontin and most likely become a dealer, especially after saying something like this: "What this says to me is that too many whites are getting away with drug use. Too many whites are getting away with drug sales. Too many whites are getting away with trafficking in this stuff. The answer to this disparity is not to start letting people out of jail because we're not putting others in jail who are breaking the law. The answer is to go out and find the ones who are getting away with it, convict them and send them up the river, too." I doubt the Congress would be in a Rush to impeach him for that.
- Break into the hotel of a political enemy. Meh, Winslow would resign in disgrace long before then.
- (Insert cause of Andrew Johnson's impeachment - it's waaaay too complicated to try and boil down to a single snarky comment)
- Fail to protect the country from multiple terrorist attacks. Come on now, everybody makes mistakes.
- Allow the outing of a CIA agent by his administration, and then say anyone who is involved will be fired, and then not fire those people and instead let them continue to have full access to all classified information. Oh please - this one is so complicated the Average Joe wouldn't care.
- Kill a hooker in the White House. Nah, that only happens in Clint Eastwood movies.
As you can see, there are plenty of ways Winslow could be put through the impeachment process, but really only a couple are serious threats. One would require a Civil War and Reconstruction, so Winslow wouldn't have to fear that. The only other one is to cheat on Carmen with a turtle - and dammit, we can't have that happen in the White House!
Wait - there is one other thing that might get him impeached. He could declare a pre-emptive War On Christmas - that would surely get him tossed from the Presidency.
Comments
The sole ingredient was stale, yet you made so much funny out of it. Freakin' hilarious.
Posted by: JB at November 26, 2005 12:24 PM
