« October 2005 | Main | December 2005 »
November 30, 2005
Do Us All a Favor...
You give up; no one can talk you down.
You've got it tough. Winslow don't seem to be around.
And I know, Carmen, just how you feel.
You’ve got to rooooll with the punches to get to what’s real.
Oh I can see you standing there,
You're listening to the Howard Dean Screaaam
The GOP's turning greeeeen.
Oh I can see what you mean...
Aw, might as well jump. JUMP!
Might as well jump.
Go ahead, jump. JUMP!
Go ahead and jump.
November 29, 2005
Jesus Died For THIS?
Winslow H. Christ. The last thing I need to see on a Tuesday morning is Scott Stantis's warped view into his own middle-aged mortality - as portrayed by an obese, balding-yet-pony-tailed baby boomer wearing a diaper.
That's right, a diaper.
Oh wait, I see, that's a JOKE. BABY Boomer. Ha ha ha shut up.
So what's all the hubbub, bub? Instead of tackling a trend he hates, Scooter instead targets a topic closer to his heart: greedy baby boomers. Now I ran a quick google search on Mr. Stantis, and none of them reveal his age (I'm sure he tells all the girls he's 29. And that he's loaded). I'm guessing he's in his late 30s, and since the media classify the boomers as having been born between 1946 and 1964, our boy is probably getting a little too close for comfort to the age bracket he's making fun of. Like I said, he's got issues.
But let's ignore all the psychobabble, especially since my stomach hurts after seeing what a baby boomer looks like in the eye of our heroic cartoonist. The point of today's strip: people slightly older than Stantis (but not Stantis himself - oh no no no), need drugs for their baldness, drugs for their impotence, and all of their social security. And dammit, everyone else should pay for it! Winslow and Carmen then riff off of the whole Simpsons/Tom Brokaw "they were the 'greatest generation'" and how our grandparents who fought in WW2 were better than everybody else. No argument here.
Honestly, I don't get it. I guess Stantis has a problem with people in their 40s and 50s who want the Social Security they've paid into throughout their adult lives. Yeah, those cheap bastards, how dare they want back...their...own...money. Hhmm. Um, yeah. As for the hair and the boner issues - I think Scotty needs to stop by his therapist's office on the way home tonight.
So in summary, this is what I'm taking away from today's strip: Scott Stantis hates himself, Scott Stantis likes to draw Jerry Garcia in diapers, and Scott Stantis is going waste another week on Social Security reform, an issue that died out before the 4th of July.
Winslow, why has thou forsaken me!?!?!?!
Posted by The Furnace at 08:31 AM | Comments (4)November 28, 2005
Awwwwwwwwwwwwww Blonk!
Looks like Stantis spent some time over the Thanksgiving holiday flipping through the latest issue of the monthly pamphlet Innocuous Trends of Five to Six Years Ago That Are Sure to Drive Conservatives Apeshit NOW. Watch out, wackywallwalkers! There's a new kid in town! BLONK!
You know what? I AGREE with Scott Stantis on this issue. Nothing drives me battier than walking by my local city park and seeing 55-year-old BABY BOOMERS playing kickball. Those old coots should be doing old people stuff, like picture puzzles, needlepoint, watching "The Gin Game" on PBS, and such and such.
Oh... wait... what's that? BABY BOOMERS? Kickball?
BLONK!
I may be wrong, but I'm almost certain the "Kickball Trend" is firmly entrenched with those loveable Slackers in Generation X and maybe by a couple of those Generation Yers trying to be cool like their older brothers and sisters. (Don't bother trying, kids. You suck! Generation X forever!)
Anyway, typical Stantis. Get all mouth-frothy at a fake trend. Complain for a week. Scribble scribble stabble. REPEAT.
Coming Soon: Liberals want to replace Christ from Christmas with Prick from Prickly City. Prickmas fever soaring among teens. Thongs will follow. Alert your local congressperson.
Posted by CJo at 09:28 AM | Comments (3)November 27, 2005
The Whole Shebang
If ever there was a single panel comic that summed up all of my frustrations with Prickly City, this is it.
Here's the basic gag: Winslow is fishing - in the desert. In a dry gully. Yet he's somehow catching real fish. He tells a disbelieving Carmen, "You gotta have faith!"
This strip is completely nonsensical on so many levels I don't know where to start. But I'm going to try.
- Let's start small. I've always picked on Stantis for his less-than-adequate drawing skills. But today is an exceptional example. He throws in the stereotypical steer skull to remind the reader that we're in the desert - yet it's smaller than Winslow's head. It must be one of those mini-bulls I've heard so much about. Maybe those are the ones White Castle uses to make their hamburgers.
Off in the distance, we see something purple - and honestly, I have no clue what it's supposed to be. It's kind of square, with green stuff on it, and at first I thought it was an outhouse. Maybe that's because every time I look at this strip I want to take a dump.
Then we have a blimp(?!) floating along the skyline. Is it supposed to be symbolic of something? Stantis has written, "P.C." on it, so maybe he's reminding his dumber readers what they're reading.
"Hey Ma, what's the name of that stupid comic we read that trashes dem damn liberal treehuggers."
"I think it's called Marmaduke."
"No, the one with the little cat and his colored friend."
"I dunno, look for a blimp with the initials on it - that should tell you."
- Then we have Stantis's just-plain-weird sky. On the left, the sun. On the right - in the same sky - we have Saturn(?!) and what I think is the moon but if it was made out of cheese and someone took a huge bite out of the top of it. Oh, and there's a RAINBOW. BY THE PLANETS, NOT THE SUN. And there's only one tiny little cloud that could never create a rainbow. 'scuze me while my head explodes.
- And finally, Winslow and Carmen. I really wish Stantis would realize that his characters need to, you know, STAY IN CHARACTER. Winslow is supposed to be a damn dirty liberal. Carmen is the god-fearing, W worshipping (and those are interchangeable) neo-con. So why on god's brown earth is Winslow the one catching fish in a dry river bed? Isn't that something Jesus would do? Isn't Carmen the one that's supposed to have faith?
Of course Stantis does this because it's cuter if the coyote pup does all the wacky things while the little girl is the realist. But it just doesn't make any sense to me. It would be like Teddy Kennedy arguing that huge statues with the ten commandments on them should be put inside nativity scenes that are built right into courtrooms next to where the judge sits and demands everyone praise god before they give testimony. It don't make no sense.
So what do I take away from today's strip? I mean other than a headache?
Winslow is Jesus.
He has the power to create fish. He can summon the sun, the moon, the stars, and even a rainbow to occupy his sky. He can command a blimp to float nearby to advertise a city that we've never really ever seen. And he can make weird purple-green things jut out of the ground.
In the name of Winslow Christ our Lord we pray...Amen.
Posted by The Furnace at 09:06 AM | Comments (1)November 26, 2005
Just Impeachy
Prickly City keeps it simple today: what would Winslow do if he was President? Carmen hits the rimshot - get impeached.
First, a minor complaint from an amateur writer like myself. What Stantis has written doesn't really make much sense grammatically. If Winslow was going to "do" something, he wouldn't impeach himself since Congress does it. So for me the exchange would have made more sense if it went as follows:
Winslow: You know what would happen if I was president?
Carmen: You'd get impeached.
Winslow: Before that, stupid.
(I added the stupid part because I think it would be funny if Winslow called her stupid.)
Anywho, what could Winslow do that would get him impeached?
- Having sex with a turtle and then lying about it when he shouldn't even be asked about it. Then again, he's not married and admitting to an affair wouldn't ruin his marriage, so maybe not. But since it's a Republican Congress, this would surely be his downfall.
- Sexually harrass Condi Rice. Maybe he could call her and talk about rubbing her breasts in the shower while working on her with a falafel. Nobody could harrass someone like that and keep his job, right?
- Lie about WMDs and ties to terrorists and invade a country that doesn't threaten us. Nah - a Republican Congress wouldn't impeach him for something silly like that. The turtle option is much more important.
- Illegally obtain subscription drugs like Oxycontin and most likely become a dealer, especially after saying something like this: "What this says to me is that too many whites are getting away with drug use. Too many whites are getting away with drug sales. Too many whites are getting away with trafficking in this stuff. The answer to this disparity is not to start letting people out of jail because we're not putting others in jail who are breaking the law. The answer is to go out and find the ones who are getting away with it, convict them and send them up the river, too." I doubt the Congress would be in a Rush to impeach him for that.
- Break into the hotel of a political enemy. Meh, Winslow would resign in disgrace long before then.
- (Insert cause of Andrew Johnson's impeachment - it's waaaay too complicated to try and boil down to a single snarky comment)
- Fail to protect the country from multiple terrorist attacks. Come on now, everybody makes mistakes.
- Allow the outing of a CIA agent by his administration, and then say anyone who is involved will be fired, and then not fire those people and instead let them continue to have full access to all classified information. Oh please - this one is so complicated the Average Joe wouldn't care.
- Kill a hooker in the White House. Nah, that only happens in Clint Eastwood movies.
As you can see, there are plenty of ways Winslow could be put through the impeachment process, but really only a couple are serious threats. One would require a Civil War and Reconstruction, so Winslow wouldn't have to fear that. The only other one is to cheat on Carmen with a turtle - and dammit, we can't have that happen in the White House!
Wait - there is one other thing that might get him impeached. He could declare a pre-emptive War On Christmas - that would surely get him tossed from the Presidency.
Posted by The Furnace at 08:44 AM | Comments (1)November 25, 2005
Scooby Doo Can Doo-Doo But Jimmy Carter is Smarter
What a perfect Day-After-Thanksgiving strip by Mr. S! It's a STALE LEFTOVER! How appropriate. I suppose after going to the Clinton-Kerry-Kennedy Joke Well too often it was only a matter of time until he came up empty and had to turn to History's Greatest Monster. And he does it all with inexplicable unicycles!
Can you imagine the TEMERITY of a U.S. President asking Americans to conserve energy?? For that, he should be mocked twenty-eight years hence. That'll show him! Compassionate conserva-tion, my foot.
Posted by CJo at 09:19 AM | Comments (3)November 24, 2005
Stuff It, Turkey
Today's the day, dear readers, when we all come together and let it be known that there is no My Vydas, no Your Vydas, but simply Arvydas. (All apologies to everybody's favorite Daily Show host, Vanilla Thunder, for that outright theft of material.)
Yea, let us be like unto the boy we call Sabonis on this fine day. Not only is he a great big man, nor is he merely Lithuanian, for what it is worth. Nay! For he has shown us what it means to be grateful. Rejoice! Rejoice and be grateful!
Posted by Sacki at 07:36 AM | Comments (2)November 23, 2005
JPL = Jackoff Privately, Loser
Stantis scratches his twelve-month Angelie Jolie itch today. The last Jolie reference (as Lara Croft) was 11/15/04. So maybe it's not the 2-year anniversary of the Mars Rover he's celebrating but the 1-year anniversary of the all-day wankfest he had when he rented Tomb Raider last year. (Memo to Toby: Need more Kleenex.)
Either way: It's a bizarre strip. It's been a bizarre week. Will he wish us all a Happy Thanksgiving tomorrow? From the desert pretending to be Mars?
By the way, how DID Winslow construct the Mars Rover he has in his possession? With taxpayer money? With...with...with...SPITBALLS???
Posted by CJo at 10:10 AM | Comments (3)November 22, 2005
And The Sun Revolves Around the Earth, Dammit
It seems as though the Republicans' desire to rewrite history doesn't just have to do with the war in Iraq. Yesterday's out-of-the-blue Mars Rovers Anniversary strip seemed a bit bizarre, even for Stantis. Was it because he used the same panels from last year at this time and crossed out "one year" and "first" and put in "two year" and "second?" Actually, it's even weirder than that.
You see, when Stantis has Carmen say that we're coming up on the two-year anniversary of the Mars Rovers landings, it didn't happen in late November 2003. Or even December 2003. The Mars Rover's First Anniversary was actually in January, 2005. Well, maybe Stantis was referring to when they were initially launched. Nope, they were launched in June and July of 2003.
So what gives? With things so terrible for the Republican Party this month did Stantis leap ahead a month in his "Things To Do In Prickly City" calendar to something that doesn't have to do with politics? Or is it because as a neo-con he can't help himself - he has to rewrite the history of EVERYTHING? I know my neo-con friend is convinced that there's a War On Christmas, that the war in Iraq is Us vs. The Terrorists, and that raising minimum wage, universal healthcare, and no more tax cuts for the wealthy "would destroy the country." And now he probably believes that we landed rovers on the Red Planet in November 2003 for some wacky, lazy reason.
As for today's strip, Winslow is trying to use the rover as a land speedboat so he can go sand skiing. Carmen calls him stupid.
This harkens back to my comment yesterday - by having the Rover in the desert of the Southwest United States, is Stantis implying that the rovers never left the planet and it was all staged? Why, that's just a crazy conspiracy, isn't it???
Please, there are no such things as conspiracies like that. Geez, next thing you know he'll be wondering if FDR knew about Pearl Harbor before it happened, the official story of 9/11 is questionable, and the administration fixed the facts around the policy in the build-up to the war in Iraq.
Then again, maybe he's on to something...
Posted by The Furnace at 08:44 AM | Comments (5)November 21, 2005
A Long Time Ago We Used to be Friends
Coming up empty while trolling for story ideas at Drudge or Free Republic, Stantis decided to give Popular Science a whirl for what I'm sure will be his lamest week ever. The Mars Rover?! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwn.
If *I* were in charge of coming up with strip ideas for Prickly City, *I* would have opted for a Veronica Mars Rover storyline, in which Miss Mars has to traverse the mountainous terrain that is my bedroom and solve the mystery of why my pants can't unbuckle fast enough...
...Um...
Oh, wait, did I say *my* bedroom and *my* pants?? Whoops. I meant to say WINSLOW'S bedroom and WINSLOW'S pants! My bad. Bad, CJo! Very bad, CJo!
Question: What's black and white, smells like turtle, and is fuzzy all over?
Answer: A Condi-Veronica-Shelly-Winslow sandwich!
Posted by CJo at 09:39 AM | Comments (6)November 20, 2005
Flying High Again
Ho hum. Winslow tries fly again. I wonder if Lucy Van Pelt is the one making his wings. At least Winslow's wearing a cute little beanie with a propeller on top.
Since today didn't have anything to do with politics, let's take a look at what was happening a few weeks ago since that's most likely when Stantis was "making the magic happen."
Oh great. Bush nominated Alito for the Supreme Court. Are we in for yet another Winslow-wants-to-be-a-judge week? He can just cross out "Roberts" and put in "Scalito." Not like he hasn't done that kind of thing before (cough*wrecking ball*cough).
Scooter Libby was indicted and resigned. For some reason I don't see Stantis talking about the Valerie Plame case and the outing of a CIA agent, which some of us consider treason. Am I the only one that thinks Bob Novak should be on death row?
W's approval rating dropped to 35%. Next.
Election day was the first week of November. Yeah, not exactly a bright and shining moment for the Republicans. Although watching Bush's slurred speech in Virginia Stantis could trim down his Teddy Kennedy and he could start drawing Drunken W.
Then again, Thanksgiving is this week so odds are Stantis will try to mix his sappy "We should all be thankful that W is keeping us safe from terrorists and freeing the Iraqis" while Winslow tries to fly. I expect a "but turkeys can't fly!" joke in there somewhere.
Posted by The Furnace at 09:44 AM | Comments (1)November 19, 2005
The Truth?! You Can't Handle The Truth! No Truth Handler, You! I Deride Your Truth Handling Abilities!
Our voyage back in time to 2004 is almost over, as we now find out that 1) Winslow is suing China 2) Kokopelli is suing Winslow 3) Winslow is suing him back and 4) Winslow is now suing Carmen. Apparently he's suing her because of something she said in the third panel of todays' four panel strip - maybe he carries around a bunch of subpoenas with him for emergencies.
This is all a throwback to the 2004 campaign, when then-appointed President Bush targeted those evil trail lawyers as one of his top priorities. This was most likely born out of the fact that presidential candidate and later vice presidential candidate John Edwards was a trial lawyer. Edwards's most famous case was when he won $25 million for the family of a little girl who was disembowled by a defective pool drain. What Republicans tend not to mention is that the reason the judgment was so high (not that you can really put a price on having your innards sucked out) was because the company that made the faulty drain had 12 other similar suits against them for just that problem yet they continued to sell it. Same thing happened with that old lady and the McDonald's coffee - when it happens over and over, and the company doesn't do anything about it, the courts (not the trial lawyers) tend to want to punish those companies to, you know, GET THEM TO STOP.
Anywho, despite all that George W. Bush's bashing of trial lawyers really doesn't hold up to scrutiny. The courts aren't clogged by these kinds of cases - most are thrown out immediately or settled out of court. And Bush himself must not personally hate trial lawyers, or he wouldn't have tried to appoint two of them to the Supreme Court.
As for me personally, I can't wait for this stupid storyline to end. Nobody cares about trial lawyers anymore. Maybe Stantis himself is being sued for not being funny.
Or wait.
Maybe he's planning on suing a certain little website that mocks him day in, day out. Maybe he feels as though that little site is defaming his "good" name, and that he needs some kind of monetary compensation for it - but since that would be something a dirty stinky liberal would do, his only recourse is to make fun of liberals because that's something they would do. And then he'll flip flop like George W. Bush and sue that site anyway.
And you know what that means...
He reads our site! Hi Scott! Hope you laugh more when you read our scribblings than when we read yours!
Now get your butt down to Zanies - they're teaching Comedy 101 this weekend.
Posted by The Furnace at 09:28 AM | Comments (0)November 18, 2005
Kokopelli For Coco-Puffs
No thanks, I'm not really a cereal kind of guy. What do I have for breakfast? Moi? Like the liberal, French-speaking, litigious coyote, I prefer a nice buttery croissant (krwä-sän). A bien tot!
November 17, 2005
S'Alright? No, s'not
John Edwards? Who the hell is John Edwards? Oh yeah, that guy. 2-time loser in 2004 John Edwards. I understand a possible two-week delay in getting the strip into syndication, but a whole year? That's just beyond excusable.
Hopefully, however, Mr. Edwards' docket isn't too filled up with other lawsuits regarding china. And god forbid that the plate-spinners from the Ed Sullivan show decide to take up a case. Ed Sullivan? Who the hell is Ed Sullivan? Oh, the dead-for-over-30-years-guy? I smell a Prickly City punchline....
Posted by Sacki at 09:15 AM | Comments (4)November 16, 2005
Faiku # I-Don't-Have-Time-For-This-Today-My-Apologies
Winslow sues China.
Coyote-American
is the proper term.
November 15, 2005
A Coyote Named Sue
Ohmigod guys!!! Have you seen today's strip! LOLOLOLOL! It is soooooo funny I almost peed myself a little! Who am I kidding? I totally wet my pants it's so hysterical!
Ahem.
I guess sarcasm doesn't go over well online.
In case there was one person who couldn't figure out where this week's storyline was going after yesterday's "Winslow's offended by stereotypes" strip (I'm looking at you, Neo-con Mel), Stantis hammers home the point today. Winslow is suing the store for offending him. Because that's what liberals do - if a store offends them, or, say, a company produces a faulty product that injures a consumer, they run off and get one of their fancy trial lawyers and clog up the courts with their petty lawsuits.
Are liberals hyper-sensitive? Are they too quick to sue if they see something they think is offensive? Personally I don't think so, especially in this case - Winslow seems to think that showing a coyote howling at the moon is offensive, which doesn't really make much sense. Maybe if they were selling bumper stickers that showed him peeing on the GOP I could understand.
At the end of the strip Winslow throws the whole "if we don't sue the terrorists win" angle back in Carmen's face, which is the first time I've liked something Stantis put in his comic. Unfortunately it makes Winslow look pretty stupid (translated: just like a neo-con).
So once again I'd like to ask our faithful readers: where do you think Stantis will go with this storyline? Will Winslow's case make it to court, where that ultra-lib Sandra Day "Can't I Just Go Home" O'Connor rules in his favor? Nah, Stantis can't have that happen. Will it be thrown out when they realize that it's stupid to think showing a coyote howling at the moon isn't a stereotype, it's a documented fact (I say that having SEEN IT WITH MY OWN EYES)?
I think we can all agree on one thing: no matter where the story goes, it won't be funny along the way or when we get there.
November 14, 2005
I'm a Liberal Wiener
Today we're featuring DESERT KITSCH when the Antiques Roadshow visits...PRICKLY CITY!
CLICK.
Next strip.
But seriously...Is he really going to do a week on the hyper-sensitivity of "liberals" and their "political correctness" when it comes to "collectibles" which some may find offensive, using depictions of howling coyotes as a substitute for Aunt Jemima and Little Black Sambo and the like?
And I gave this guy credit last week for the respect he gave Rosa Parks?
Shame on me.
You're right, Winslow: he IS a knuckle-dragging, right-wing nutjob.
Posted by CJo at 10:55 AM | Comments (3)November 13, 2005
Tie a Ribbin'
There are times when I feel like criticizing Scott Stantis is like grading a dumb child's school report. You have a feeling the kid is trying, but geez - doesn't he look anything up? What makes it worse is that dumb children don't get paid to create political comic strips that I make fun of on the weekends.
In his colorful Sunday panel, Winslow holds what he calls his awareness ribbon.
Let's stop right there. For those of you who aren't aware, and from what I can find on google, awareness ribbons are a fad where people show their support for different causes. For example, the one most people know is the yellow ribbon, in support of our troops. At least that's what it used to mean. You see, the ribbon fad seems to have come back in the form of awareness bracelets. These were popularized by Lance Armstrong, he of the many French bike riding awards. Now kids all over are wearing different bracelets, many of which seem like overkill (blue means to be aware of the problem of bullying apparently).
But I'm going to stop right there. When doing my research (for Stantis, that's r-e-s-e-a-r-c-h - look it up), I myself was confused as to not only what these awareness thingies all meant, but what Stantis was talking about. The ribbons are supposed to be either magnetic (like the ones you see on the back of cars) or pins (like you see on the lapels of crooked politicians). The bracelets aren't made of ribbon - well I guess they could be, but from all the pictures I've seen they're not.
I guess the joke here is that Winslow is holding a ribbon that's supposed to make people aware of...other awareness ribbons. But that doesn't make much sense since the rainbow ribbon is already being used for other things, like supporting religious tolerance and homosexuals. Heck, for all I know it's to support Jesse Jackson.
This is what I meant before about treating Stantis like he's the special boy in class. At times he means well, but dangit - he just doesn't try hard enough.
And the rest of the time he's trying to burn stuff.
November 12, 2005
Stantis: War and...Peace? What's That?
Today's Prickly City is priceless. It opens a window into the very simple mind of Scott Stantis.
As Winslow stands perched on a rock with wings strapped to his arms in yet another attempt to fly - apparently to find happiness - Carmen offers up a bit of philosophical advice:
"If you want to be happy, be."
The reason why it's so priceless that Stantis chose this particular quote?
It's from Leo Tolstoy.
That's right, Leo Tolstoy, author of "War & Peace," a man described by wikipedia.com as follows:
"Tolstoy believed that a Christian should look inside his or her own heart to find inner happiness rather than looking outward toward the Church or state. His belief in nonviolence when facing oppression is another distinct attribute of his philosophy. By directly influencing Mahatma Gandhi with this idea through his work The Kingdom of God is Within You [1], Tolstoy has had a huge influence on the nonviolent resistance movement to this day. He believed that the aristocracy were a burden on the poor, and that the only solution to how we live together is through anarchy. He also opposed private property and the institution of marriage and valued the ideals of chastity and sexual abstinence (discussed in Father Sergius). He was a pacifist and vegetarian."
That's right: he's everything Stantis and the neo-cons aren't.
Now maybe - just maybe - the point is that Carmen the Neo-con is throwing the leftist idealogy right back into the face of Winslow. But let's be honest here - we all know Stantis doesn't think like that. He was probably down at the Wal-mart and somebody standing behind him at the checkout line was buying one of those cutesy Hallmark cards, Stantis saw it and thought it was a cute quote, and he worked it into his "It's Saturday, I'm going to half-ass it" strip. That's just how he thinks. Or rather doesn't think.
Bravo, Scott Stantis: just when I think you can't be any more dense, you raise the bar to the stars.
November 11, 2005
Yihla Moja, Yihla Moja
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
I'm STILL laughing from yesterday. "That's intellectual apartheid!" screamed Carmen. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
I guess I haven't laughed that hard since Carmen whined, "I don't have to wear anyone's mental burka!" which BELIEVE IT OR NOT ran a year ago today.
I just love how Carmen -- Defender of all that is RIGHT in the world -- uses terms of oppression to criticize the "liberals," who, as we all know, support oppression of all kinds. It is truly, madly, deeply FUNNY. Scott Stantis, you slay me with your...your...emotional fascism.
Oh, but today Stantis combines two of my favorite Prickly City motifs: Winslow tries to fly AND the Blame Game! Fun! I love to sing the Blame Game.
Blame, Blame so Same
Sonana Fanna fo Flame
Fee fy mo Mame, LAME!
November 10, 2005
Faiku #4: Thinker? or Stinker?
The P.C.s this week
Are s(o)ui generis thinking
Who else would want to
November 09, 2005
Mouth is Alive with Juices like Wine
Re-hashing territory he already 'explored' the First Sunday of Black History Month, Stantis is still on the "Liberals Think Republicans Can't Like Blacks, Which Just Exposes How Intolerant Democrats Really Are, Which Makes Them Hypocrites Since They Claim to Be the Party of Tolerance" thing this week.
What a thoughtful use of the memory of Rosa Parks. Fight the power, Scott.
Meanwhile, Winslow is still on his "Horny Grinning at the Mention of Condi Rice's Name," which never fails to creep me out. We joke quite a bit about Stantis' fascination with bestiality, but I'm beginning to think that deep down in his "SOUI" he really does dig it.
TODAY, he goes a step further and suggests that Winslow -- in addition to being liberal, goofy, and attracted to both turtles and black women -- is also attracted to men, namely Colin Powell.
Frankly, I'm at a loss for words. With any luck, tomorrow Sacki will make sense of this all with another delightful Fake Haiku ("Faiku").
Posted by CJo at 11:33 AM | Comments (0)November 08, 2005
Park Your Keister, Mister
Today's PC is extremely controversial. Personally, I say after putting up porno links and putting words in Teddy Kennedy's mouth, this could be the one that gets Stantis the most hate mail, as well as the most mail praising his stance.
But I'm not going to focus on that. At least not yet.
Over the weekend I took Stantis to task for trying to draw manga but not having a clue how to do it. But that's okay - at least our little Scooter was trying to spread his wings. But today he commits what I consider an unforgivable offense, because it's something any four year old can do.
Look at the last panel. What's the last word Winslow says?
It's the "punchline" of his side of the joke. It's the crux of the entire strip, the one that could launch Scott Stantis into the world of neo-con god.
When I first read it, I almost reached for a dictionary to look up what a "SOUIS" was.
THE GUY CAN'T EVEN WRITE THE LETTER L.
Maybe I have a small monitor, or the graphics are bad. But honestly, how many of you reading today's strip knew what that word was when you first read it? If I'm the only one, I'll happily retract this commentary and apologize for it (something we all know Stantis would never do). But I stand by my belief that Stantis can't even make letters that are readable. Not the first time he's done this, and I'm sure it's not the last.
***
As for the strip itself, Winslow says that Carmen and her ilk on the right can't mourn Rosa Parks since they opposed everything she stood for when she sat on that bus. But Carmen acts as though the last 150 years never happened, defying Winslow and the Liberals that stood by Parks and didn't use her as a political photo op after her death. It's then that Winslow points out that neo-cons don't have "souis," and Carmen turns things on their head, accusing Winslow of bigotry due to his intolerance of hypocrites. Er, I mean, "conservatives."
Carmen can act as high and mighty as she likes, and conservatives can try to rewrite history, but we all know where the conservatives have stood on civil rights in the past. Many of them, if given the chance, would have had separate buses for Rosa Parks "and her kind."
Oh, I'm sorry, according to our own President - who supposedly respected her so much - that's not even her name. From the Rosa Parks Memorial, George W. Bush:
"She will always have a special place in American history, and our nation thinks of Rosa Park and her loved ones today."
I wish that were a joke. It would be funnier than what Stantis scribbles every day.
Posted by The Furnace at 09:41 AM | Comments (1)November 07, 2005
But What's His OBP?
I respectfully decline to criticize today's strip.
Not that I'd have anything to criticize anyway.
It's a nice strip.
I'll call it a double.
He's 1 for 484. He's batting .002. But he's SLUGGING .004.
Posted by CJo at 10:08 AM | Comments (4)November 06, 2005
Shojo Wienie
I don't have a choice - I have to start today's strip like this:
Mr. Stantis, I know manga. Manga is a friend of mine. You sir, are no manga artist.
Today, Scott Stantis stretches his "artistic" muscles and tries something completely different. He attempts to channel the popular Japanese style of manga, a traditionally action-oriented form of comics featuring detailed panels and plenty of fight scenes.
In other words, he's in WAY over his head.
At first you might be fooled into saying to yourself, "Hey, this looks pretty cool." But look closer, my friend. A more grown-up, "realistic" looking Carmen sits reading a copy of MAnn Coulter's "Treason" when she spies a werewolf-looking Winslow (in pants!) running at her. They charge each other, smashing together in an explosion of light.
In the last panel we see the battered twosome, in their normal forms, explaining it's a "manga-girl thing." I can't tell if Winslow is wearing pants or not.
(I should say it's interesting that the werewolf Winslow not only wears pants, but jeans with a belt. Why a wolf needs a belt is beyond me.)
Normally this would be kinda cute. I've read some manga and enjoyed it, but I prefer Japanese anime' (what you might call "cartoons"). And I'm sure the idea of drawing Carmen and Winslow in a different form is a nice break from the scribbling Stantis normally does.
But seriously, this strip looks like it was drawn by a 13-year-old boy scribbling in the corners of his Biology notebook. Sure we all make fun of Stantis's normal drawings, but it's excused because it's a traditional comic and most of those grew out of Charles Schultz's "Peanuts."
But here, Stantis is tackling a much different form of drawing. Look at the panel where Winslow looks right at us. Can you honestly tell me that doesn't look like a kid drew it? My friend Ed was drawing better characters in the 6th grade than this crap. Carmen looks okay, and I like the half panel when she looks over her shoulder, but Winslow is a flat-out embarrassment. Next time Scott - spend a little more time researching your "How To Draw Manga" book (there are plenty at Borders) before you attempt something that is way above your skill level.
Then again, political comics are way above his head and that hasn't stopped him before.
Posted by The Furnace at 09:23 AM | Comments (1)November 05, 2005
Where In The World Is Koko B. Ware?
Before I get into today's PC, I just wanted to say how happy I am that CJo tackled yesterdays strip. Personally I would have gone off on a non-funny rant about how the neo-cons have used the Mainstream Media (aka the conservative media) to install fear in us all in order to conrol the masses, but CJo was able to make it funny and thoughtful. Hats off.
However, I do want to address one little thing. You see, yesterday Stantis did that whole little neo-con peepee dance in order to tell what he considers a "joke," saying that nobody is working on a cure. That's not exactly true, and in fact there's a little something you might have heard of called Tamiflu, a remedy for avian flu. And gee, who owns stock in the company that originated the remedy?
That's right, it's our good buddy "I tried to quit 3 times" Donald Rumsfeld! I'm SURE that a government that claims it never manipulated the terror alerts for political gains or that claims it never fixed the facts around the policy to invade another country would NEVER lie about the potential threat of a possible "pandemic" in order to make a proftit.
Ahem.
As for today, Idiot Boy Stantis AGAIN has a panicked Winslow saying, "Awwww" when he sees what he thinks is a dead cactus wren. Like Chicken Little he cries, "Bird flu! Bird flu!" (just like our President at his press conference the other day), then runs away - most likely to South America so he doesn't have to deal with his problems here in the States (also just like our President). But a-ha (or is it a-aw?) the bird gets up and flies away, pooping as it goes.
That's right, it looks like the bird is pooping.
So once again Scooter thinks it's funny to make fun of a potential pandemic that supposedly could kill millions. Maybe Scott's like me and thinks it's a whole bunch of hooey, but I doubt it. This is the same guy that doesn't mind making fun of a woman's dying husband (Sandra Day O'Connor) or a man's dying wife (Terri Schiavo). So he obviously thinks there's lots of funny to mine from death - why not something that could kill off whole cities? Ha ha, me says, ha ha!
Unfortunately I doubt Scottsman will follow up tomorrow with the obvious ending to this storyline, which is Carmen setting up a stand selling a fake flu cure for thousands of dollars to a desperate Winslow while she and the bird cackle all the way to the bank.
Just like W and his good friend Rummy.
Awwwww yeeeaaaaaahhhhhh.
Posted by The Furnace at 08:35 AM | Comments (0)November 04, 2005
Awwwwwwwwwwwww!
Yeah, Scott. Good one. Fear Pandemic. Blame the MSM -- those lousy Dan Ratherite Liberal Elitist Pinko Commie Bedwetting Nattering Nabobs of Negativism.
It's almost as though they have something to sell and are using fear as a means to move more product.
What a novel concept!
I wonder if there are any other recent examples of a group or an organization or -- how shall we say -- a cabal that exploited the fears of people in order to sell a bill of goods...
...Thinking...
...Thinking...
...Thinking...
...Thinking...
...Thinking...
...Thinking...
...Thinking...
...Thinking...
...Thinking...
Hmmmmm. This is tough.
I mean, besides the Iraq War and the 2004 Presidency I can't come up with anything.
Posted by CJo at 09:20 AM | Comments (3)November 03, 2005
Coq Dans L'Eau (Not To Be Confused With the Chicken Dance)
Does it look like Rachael Ray is afraid of a little bird? I don't think so, my friends. You might say that if it came down to it, with knives unavailable, she would likely have no compunction in choking the chicken. After that task was completed, she would then make the most of the opportunity and perhaps rub and jerk the chicken, pop open a Red Stripe and put her feet up in the air. & that's how you take care of the avian flu. Not crying to the doctor that you've got a high fever and are dangerously dehydrated. Walk it off. Suck it up. Rub some dirt on it.
In other news, I respect today's strip, in that it's similar to a routine I was trying to hammer out a few years back involving homophones. There's a bit of a difference tho, and one not easily avoided, when homophones are used in print. My material was never intended to be put on the page, so I shall spare you, but needless to say, if it doesn't work in speech, then it won't work in print. I give it an "A" for effort, tho. By "it" I am of course referring to my own material, because there's no question that I'm faultless. As for the comic, if I were publishing a major daily newspaper in a large metropolitan area and this was turned in as a representative sample of the comic strip I was considering purchasing from the syndicator, I'd certainly put it in the "maybe" file. I give it a solid "C".
Posted by Sacki at 09:10 AM | Comments (5)November 02, 2005
Somewhere Ed Emberley is Weeping...FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE
Looooooooooookout, Winslow! It's Linda, The Lost Cactus Wren of the Apocalypse! And she's made up of two circles, a triangle, and a v! And she's coming after you!
Awwwwwwwwwwwww, isn't that cute.
Wait, wait. I mean...
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeekk!
Anywho, so I'm listening to the podcast last night and I. Scott "Scooter" Stantis helpfully explains the KTLBOA storyline to his listeners. You see, it's about zealotry, stupid. Zealotry! He's just, you know, seen so much zealotry out there lately, from both the Right and the Left. Kevin was a reaction to that. Because, you know, Scott Stantis reports and we decide.
It's not like HE'D ever take part in any zealotry. Like, for instance, he wouldn't spend four months from Prickly City's debut until Election Day 2004 writing strips about the eeeeeeeeevils of Liberals; how all Liberals are young, dumb, and full of cum; how John Kerry will spread Grey Poupon on your sandwich before he eats half of it with his scary tax plan; how John Edwards will run you over to chase an ambulance along with all the other eeeeeeevil trial lawyers; how Michael Moore, Whoopi Goldberg, Dan Rather and other members of the "Mainstream Media" want you to vote for Brad Pitt and Jennifer Anniston for President instead of George Bush; how a Kerry Presidency would mean more thongs for 8-year-olds. No, Scott Stantis would NEVER participate in any of 'dat crazy zealotry stuff.
He is completely hinged, like every other Conservative. It's the Liberals who are unhinged, of course.
Anyway. Avian flu. Funny stuff.
Posted by CJo at 10:36 AM | Comments (4)November 01, 2005
WTF?
I'm baffled. Completely baffled. I seriously have no idea what today's Prickly City is about, what it's supposed to mean - nada. Not a clue.
In panel 1 what appears to be a leaf falls out of the sky towards Winslow.
In panel 2 we see that it's actually a bird but since Stantis is such a piss-poor artist it's still hard to tell.
In panel 3 it lands at Winslow's feet. Winslow's eyes bug out for some reason.
In panel 4, the bird says "boo." Winslow, like every good cartoon character, is gone with a poof of smoke. However, for some odd reason he yells, "Awwww," - which to me is something a "Full House" studio audience would say when there was a heart-warming moment, not something a guy would scream when running away.
Where the hell do I start? Just to be clear, today is Tuesday, November 1st. So why someone is still saying "boo" is beyond me. Why is Winslow, a wild animal who has no problem eating bunnies, afraid of what I think is a bird? And why does Winslow scream "awwww" when he runs away instead of "ahhhh!" or "Yikes!" or "Nooo!"?
At this point I have to question both Scott Stantis's sanity and the sanity of the people who sign his paycheck every week. I can picture Scott now, hunkered down over his coffee table, scribbling down ideas." "Okay, so Winslow is standing there, a bird flies down, says, 'boo,' and...and...Winslow runs away! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!" Or, odds are he'd say, "aw aw aw aw aw!"
How is this funny??? How the hell can someone justify this being in the funny pages? I want to talk to Scott's bosses and ask them why the hell they feel the need to publish this crap day in and day out when there's absolutely zero humor in it, and even if there's a kernal of funny it's completely lost because Stantis doesn't know how a coyote sounds when he screams (if he was being authentic he would say, "Awwoooo" - AND THEN EAT THE BIRD).
When I was first thinking of angles to take when talking about today's "comic," I tried to take a political slant. Maybe the bird represents the Radical Right, and like the dreaded crow of death they're trying to turn the country back to the Dark Ages - and that scares Winslow (and the rest of us) to death. Or maybe the bird is another sign of the apocalypse...you know what? I don't care. This isn't funny. It's stupid. It looks like it was drawn by a 5 year old (or that Toby guy - whoever). And Scott Stantis, he of the bow tie, GETS PAID MONEY TO DREAM THIS SH*T UP.
And here I am, ranting about it. For free.
Jeebus, the Republicans really have won.
***UPDATE***
Reader FredN. has pointed out that today's strip is most likely the start to a weeklong series about the avian/bird flu.
If that's the case, I'd like to suggest to Scott Stantis that the word isn't "boo," it's "Ah-choo." But I don't get paid to be funny.
Posted by The Furnace at 07:28 AM | Comments (3)
picture courtesy of JB
