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October 31, 2005
When A Kick In The Crotch Is As Good As A Nod
Sometimes when I'm sitting here looking at the task in front of me, I wonder to myself whether Charles Schulz ever had to endure the daily hammering away on the internet at his comic strip when he was first starting out in 1950. It's then that I slap my head and remind myself that it would've been impossible in that day and age. His strips weren't horrible.
As we learned in the brilliant Mr. Furnace's Saturday episode, there's more than one KTLBOA to kick around, as his parents were busy, of course, fucking like bunnies. So onward and upward we go.
It's hard to imagine the public tolerating Schulz using Charlie Brown and Snoopy to rag on Abbott and Costello making "Abbott and Costello Meet Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde," "Abbott and Costello Meet Captain Kidd," or "Abbott and Costello Meet the Invisible Man." And I'm not even talking about the Three Stooges. Every other month, in the Schulz-as-Stantis alternate reality, Snoopy would remark how the end is nigh with Curly becoming Shemp becoming Joe Besser becoming Curly Joe. And readers everywhere would pound a nail into their skull with a hammer for relief.
Posted by Sacki at 09:12 AM | Comments (0)October 30, 2005
Tricked Out Treats, Yo
It's the day before Halloween, and Stantis decides to serve up a treat instead of a trick with an actually clever(!) little strip. Carmen shows off her costumes for the big holy-day (why she's even celebrating is beyond me): George Will, Ann Coulter, and Bill O'Reilly. Winslow's choices: Ted Kennedy, Al Franken, and Michael Moore. Each says the other has the scariest.
In concept, this is a cute strip. Seeing Carmen and Winslow dress up as their heroes is amusing. Granted Stantis still has to bring his neo-con bias. George Will has cute blond hair and wire-rim glasses, Ann Coulter has long legs, blond hair, and a cocktail dress, and Bill O'Reilly has a suit and for some odd reason a mohawk. Winslow's smelly stinky liberal costumes though feature Ted Kennedy in boxers carrying a bottle of booze, Al Franken in a very stereo-typical Jewish fro, and, of course, a fat Michael Moore.
If Stantis made any kind of effort to be fair and balanced, we'd at least see MAnn Coulter with an adam's apple and a splotchy O'Reilly, but Scott is still a proud neo-con.
Here are a few other suggestions for neo-con Carmen to wear:
- Dick Cheney as a bulldog, chewing away at the Constitution while waving the Patriot Act
- A competent FEMA official (aka the Invisible Man)
- Rush Limbaugh popping pills while getting divorced again
- Harriet Miers as a pit bull in high heels - wearing a t-shirt that says "QUITTER"
- Karl Rove dressed as Benedict Arnold
Here's what I don't understand though, and maybe I'm thinking too hard for a Sunday morning (instead of praying like a good little rightie should be doing): why would a person dress like someone they idolize instead of someone that they think is scary? This is akin to Scott Stantis dressing up like George W. Bush on Halloween, isn't it?
In any event, today's colorful strip isn't really bad - it just doesn't make any gol' dang sense. Just another day in Prickly City.
Posted by The Furnace at 11:36 AM | Comments (0)October 29, 2005
Somewhere, Patrick Duffy Weeps
In a brilliant move - wait, did I say brilliant? I meant stupid - Stantis brings back the Kevin the Bunny in today's Saturday strip. You see, the Kevin that Winslow ate was actually one of many Kevin the Bunnies because their bunny parents only believe in the rhythm method.
So yes, along with two Darrens and Bobby showering we get a lame, "Forget all that stuff you saw during the week - Kevin's going to be a regular after all!" Which still begs the question - what the hell is Kevin doing there in the first place?
Personally, I was hoping that Kevin would come back as hollow and chocolate. Oops, guess somebody's already done that:
I get the feeling Scotty has been reading Toby a certain bedtime story at night...
Maybe next Scotty will teach Toby how to spell. He can start off with the word p-l-a-g-i-a-r-i-s-m.
Posted by The Furnace at 01:00 PM | Comments (0)October 28, 2005
Wishing Won't Make It So
Little Kevin The Lost Bunny Of The Apocalypse,
Hopping through the desert
Scooping up the field mice
And boppin' 'em on the head
Down came the coyote and he said
"Little Kevin The Lost Bunny Of The Apocalypse,
I don't want to see you
Scooping up the field mice
And boppin' 'em on the head.
I'll give you four days,
And if you don't give me a chuckle
I'll turn you into a turd!"
Four days later:
Little Kevin The Lost Bunny Of The Apocalypse,
Hopping through the desert
Scooping up the field mice
And boppin' 'em on the head
Down came the coyote and he said
"Little Kevin The Lost Bunny Of The Apocalypse,
You know I've seen you
Scooping up the field mice
And boppin' 'em on the head.
I gave you four days
And you didn't come close at all to giving me a larf
Now you're a turd!"
October 27, 2005
Good Girls Go To Heaven (Bad Girls Go Everywhere)
Today's post, which consists of the title, brought to you courtesy of the Bun E. of the Rocktober.
*********************************************************************
Also, a big thanks to JB, Friend of Shrubville, for his contribution of artwork to our modest little page. Let's hear it for JB!
Posted by Sacki at 09:55 AM | Comments (7)October 26, 2005
Silly Rabbit, Armageddon is For the Pious
I suppose it'd be too easy to point out the inconsistency between yesterday's finger-wagging at cell phones as one of the harbingers of The End Times and today, when Kevin, Lost Bunny of the Apocalypse, cites use of a garbled cell phone as the reason he is lost. It turns out I really can't hear you now, Stantis; please try again.
I have to tell you, the 'art' in Panel One might be the ugliest on record. The close-ups of Kevin in Panels Two, Three, and Four are OK, if not mildly disturbing. But Panel One? My god, it looks like Teddy Kennedy in a bathrobe...with an erection.
If and when Jebus comes again, I wonder if He'll opt for the Leave Behind the Sinners scenario as opposed to the Blow Up the Fucking World Scenario. Can you imagine the par-tay if only Democrats and Sinners were left in the world? First of all, the comics pages would be free of Prickly City, as I'm sure Stantis would be whisked away to the Kingdom to scribble at the Right Hand of God. And then those Left Behind could sit around, practice fellatio, sell thongs to children, talk on cellphones, vote Democratic (especially for the Clintons!), sneer at each other, AND use toilet paper instead of the Sears catalogue.
It would be awesome.
Posted by CJo at 10:02 AM | Comments (2)October 25, 2005
28 days... six hours... 42 minutes... 12 seconds. That... is when the world... will end
I imagine you're wondering "Who IS that handsome devil?" That's the author of Prickly City, of course. This man not only knows how to question the morals of others, but is also the foremost expert on fashion, if you couldn't tell. Nothing says style like a look modeled upon a minor incestuous character in a Faulkner story. At least the photographer was kind enough to smear a jar of Crisco on the lens to soften it up a bit.
He also happens to be the man who wonders in today's strip (thoughtfully linked above) where society is headed. It's rather simple, stupid: forward, onward, always twirling...twirling. The horrors of thongs for children, cell phones, low-rise pants and reality tv. I say, I can imagine this fellow back in the 1850s (for which he is apparently longing as evidenced by his style of dress) busting off a switch and whuppin' his lads for using that most horrible invention, toilet paper, instead of the old Sears catalog with it's drawerings of proper ladys in petticoats carrying parasols.
And for what it's worth, Kevin the Lost Bunny of the Apocolypse peaked in Donnie Darko. Maybe I'm wrong, though.
Posted by Sacki at 09:18 AM | Comments (6)October 24, 2005
Apocalypse? Now?!
Is this for real?
Am I hallucinating?
Did he really introduce a new character named KEVIN THE LOST BUNNY OF APOCALYPSE??
Isn't that one of the Seven Signs?
Christ Almighty.
Er...I mean...
See you soon, Christ Almighty!
Posted by CJo at 11:23 AM | Comments (4)October 22, 2005
Peter & Bugs: Analysts & Therapists (or Analrapists for short)
The Furnace here, reporting to you from the heart of ShrubLand (not to be confused with Shrubville): Austin, Texas. The nice thing about being in Austin is that you get the Tom DeLay trial stories fresh from the courthouse where local reporters haven't gotten the GOP memos on how to report the story. My favorite snippet from Friday's hearing: DeLay's attorney saying that since the judge is a Democrat who donated to MoveOn.org he should recuse himself - especially since MoveOn was selling t-shirts with Tom Delay's mugshot on the front. Except, of course, MoveOn was NOT selling those shirts. So you tell me - did one of the highest paid attorneys in the world forget to have one of his assistants actually go to the website and make sure, or did he flat out lie in court? And is it just me, or is DeLay's mugshot the creepiest one ever?
Speaking of creepy (yeah I know, that's a weak transition), today's Prickly City is one of the most disturbing ever - and this coming on the heels of the worst attempt ever at capturing Ted Kennedy in comic form. I get the shivers just thinking about Stantis's motivation for showing Teddy in a bathrobe.
As for today: Winslow tries on some bunny slippers. He's turned all topsy turvy. Why? Turns out the BUNNY SLIPPERS WERE MADE OF LIVE BUNNIES because they were "eco-friendly."
How the HELL does Winslow put on live rabbits as slippers? All I have to say is that the heads were at his toes, and there's only one way he's getting those things on his feet from behind.
No, I'm going to say it: today Scott Stantis shows Winslow sticking his feet up the asses of live rabbits. All in an effort to show how wacky those environmentalists can be.
Stantis, you're a freak. And not in a good, Rick James/Superfreak sort of way. More of a freak like this.
Posted by The Furnace at 04:20 PM | Comments (0)October 21, 2005
A Legal Alien
Wow. A Gordy Sumner reference. I must say: I'm surprised. If anything, I pegged Stantis as more a Wings man than a Sting guy. He just seems more suited to warmed-over, pseudo-profound, fakely melodic, 70's claptrap rather than ice-cold, pseudo-profound, barely melodic, 80's claptrap.
Doesn't it seem odd that Stantis is always dropping iPod references too? It's almost as though he's sold out (just like Sting!) and is getting gobs of money from Apple to promote their products (just like Sting and Jaguar!). Speaking of, have you seen that Sting commercial a couple years back when he's sitting in the back of a chauffeur-driven Jaguar, the soft crap of his latest solo album oozing out the speakers, contemplating his life as a pampered, rich, boring son-of-a-bitch?
I'm trying to imagine the Stantis version...
...Sitting in the passenger seat of his Toyota Corolla...High on marker fumes; unable to drive...Snapping his fingers to Sting on the radio ("free, free; set them free")...Hallucinating about blue turtles...STRIP IDEA!..."To the drawing board, woman!" he exclaims, not realizing he's sitting alone in the car in his garage...
Hours later he stumbles inside the house, trips over Toby who is passed-out on the kitchen floor, and sits down to work for a good 5-10 minutes. After a fax to the syndicate, he retires to the family room to watch 8-10 hours of Fox News.
Posted by CJo at 11:14 AM | Comments (2)October 20, 2005
Only The Jaws Of Life Can Save Us Now
When she was just a little girl, she asked her Mother (Superior, mistress of discipline at the faith-based homeless shelter) what she would be. She would be beaten about the head and neck with a wooden spoon, and she would also be confused and mildly schizophrenic. That's what Mother Superior said to Carmen, of course.
Wild mood swings, stunted growth, irrational thought. Frankly, that should be a hell of a comic strip character right there. If I were pitching it, I'd sell it as "Bridget Jones" meets "Rain Man" on the set of "Moonraker" featuring "Leprechaun."
It was just a few short days ago that she was declaring the following to be good conservative values: "Lower taxes. Smaller government. Less spending of our money." For all of her gumflapping about "activist judges," is she looking for a Supreme Court Justice to also have jurisdiction over Congressional spending and policy, and maybe to take over for Alan Greenspan in a couple of months? I haven't seen this much flipping and flopping since I was waiting tables at the epilepsy convention and they turned on the mirror ball and strobe lights while they were dancing.
Posted by Sacki at 10:04 AM | Comments (1)October 19, 2005
Some Folk'll Never Eat a Skunk
I'm sure in the bowels of Birmingham, facing a deadline, high on marker fumes, Stantis thought he was coming up with a Grade-A Ted Kennedy Ziiing (as pronounced by Cletus). But in reality, he came up with a poorly rendered sketch of the dude from Shoe. He did manage to squeeze in both a drinking AND a Chappaquiddick reference, but he must've been so messed up from all the huffing he forgot to mention the monkey-fucking. Oh, and Stantis also forgot to falsely attribute inflammatory quotes to him (and later blame his publisher).
Thankfully, we have a few more words about YESTERDAY'S STRIP from our traveling correspondent, The Furnace, who wrote to us yesterday from the great state of...TEXAS. (His missive came after Sacki's post...too late to publish yesterday.)
The Furnace here, reporting from the heart of Bush country - Texas. Luckily I'm just outside of Austin, the only "liberal" bastion in this vast sea of red. I believe it's the only state running attack ads against Prosecutor Ronnie Earle featuring a barking rottweiler and a voiceover saying, "Bad Ronnie Earl, bad!"
As for today's PC, Winslow is upset about not getting the nomination for the Supreme Court that was given to long-time W crony - er, I mean "associate" - Harriet Miers. Winslow does make a great point - he doesn't know anything about the law either and he's more than ready to offer special "favors" to the President. (And now that I think about it, isn't it odd that after being appointed to the Presidency by the Supreme Court W gets to appoint not one but two judges to that same court? Erm, strange how the world works when the entire system is rigged.)
Oh, and Winslow owns a tie. No pants, but a tie. Guess he and Harriet have two things in common. You see, cuz she wears skirts. Yeah, I'm about as funny as Stantis today - I blame it on the neo-cons that surround me.
Today's punchline? Carmen says that Winslow is a victim of the "vast anti-quadruped conspiracy," which sent most neo-cons scrambling to find a dictionary so they could look up at least two of those words until they realized the only books they read are written by Rush Limbaugh and MAnn Coulter.
I'm actually interested in seeing where Stantis goes with this. It seems as though he's in favor of Miers, indicating that the silly stinky liberals are conspiring to keep her down, and that they shouldn't judge her just because she's horribly unqualified and just another W lap dog (heck, Bush himself compared her to a rot - maybe SHE'S the one in that Ronnie Earle attack ad!). But we'll have to wait and see.
In the meantime, go to www.google.com and enter the word "Failure" for the true definition of the word.
Until I can report again, this is The Furnace, reporting from Austin. Hook 'em 'horns!
Thank you, Mr. Furnace. We look forward to hearing from you again soon.
Posted by CJo at 09:29 AM | Comments (5)October 18, 2005
Not To Be Confused With ExperienceMyAss.gov.us
Speaking of sloppy segues....
Hey, there's one right there!
Meanwhile, a nation is turned all topsy-turvy because a candidate of limited qualifications and background (or as the case may be, no qualifications or background) has been nominated to fill a Supreme Court vacancy. All of this is happening while out in the wilderness, a solitary voice cries plaintively, "Lookit me, I gots me a tie!" No one ever accused him of being a wily coyote. Could the connections he made moderating the 2004 Presidential Debates, or during his Cabinet confirmation hearings really have gotten him the important connections he needs to get this high?
I mean, come on, Winslow. You need a lot of experience on the lower benches to even come close to thinking you're ready to be appointed to the high court. Knowledge tempered by observation and reflection. You can't expect to be honored to serve next to Clarence Thomas with such a paltry c.v. After all, the man had a whole year on the bench before being elevated to his current position. Is that too much to ask?
Posted by Sacki at 09:12 AM | Comments (0)October 17, 2005
Sloppy Segueing
Judge not, lest ye be judged.
Wise words, Mr. S., wise words.
Like, 'ya know, if you start a comic strip whose only purpose is to make fun of liberals -- judging them, if you will -- some dope is gonna start a website judging you.
If you come after me, I come after you. And Toby. And your Bucketdog. And your drawings. And your lame-ass promotions.
Speaking of...Come on, kids! Send Scott Stantis your email address and HOME ADDRESS and he'll send you...a...W the Coyote sticker...FREE!
(Should someone alert the authorities? This seems fishy to me. I mean...sure...I want the damn sticker, myself. But I'll have to set up a P.O. Box address in Iowa or something. I'd be afraid to give that man my address. I just get the feeling it's some scheme to sign people up for Grit Magazine.)
Anyway. I predict tomorrow this judge series will sloppily segue into a "discussion" of Harriet Miers. And who better to handle the sloppy segues than our very own Mr. Sacki.
(As you may have noticed, The Furnace was off last week. He's on assignment and may only be able to do some weekend work over the next month, if available. He'll be back to his normal Tuesday shift soon.)
Posted by CJo at 12:25 PM | Comments (2)October 14, 2005
Downside: Up
Like those nutty Berenstain Bears, Carmen and Winslow continue their exploration of inside, outside, and, of course, upside down.
Ostensibly this week has been a rebuke of the Respendicans in the House, Senate, and White House. And I imagine in Stantis' delightful weekly podcast, he'll pat himself on the back because he had the guts to stand up to the GOP; that he is NOT -- as some have claimed -- a TOOL of the administration; that he is able to think for himself and come to his own conclusions; that he's not a dog in the lap of Bush; that he's an equal opportunity Prick[ly Guy].
And that's fine. I congratulate him. [Clap clap clap.] He criticizes the Republicans on the issues. I'm good with that.
But we all know damn well he's going to go right back to criticizing the "Liberals" and/or the "Democrats" on everything BUT the issues: they're drunk, fat, crazy, morally corrupt, and yell-y. YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGH, baby. All that shit.
Wait, wait, wait. Sorry. This entry is a little too rant-y and not fun-ny. I need some way to goose it up a bit...
If only I could figure out how to turn the text upside down. That'd be enough joy and mirth to sustain at least a week's worth of entries.
Posted by CJo at 10:55 AM | Comments (3)October 13, 2005
I've Got Hayfever & The Only Medicine Is Haywire
This has gone on for far too long. The topsy-turviness of it all is making my brain go haywire. I'm just a schmuck who can't color inside the lines or draw a straight line if I'm spotted a ruler, and here I am lecturing a professional cartoonist on comic-page responsibilty. It's all so...so...
Hey, so-so. Yeah, that fits the bill quite nicely. Today's strip: so-so.
Posted by Sacki at 09:48 AM | Comments (0)October 12, 2005
Variations and Fugue on a Theme by Stantis, Op. 24
Oh, just look at the complex melodies the Great Stantis weaves:
Monday: Learning to Fly blah blah blah Big Government Conservatives
Tuesday: Big Government Conservatives blah blah blah Topsy Turvy
Wednesday: Topsy Turvy blah blah blah Republicans Are Spending like Teddy Kennedy
Thursday: Teddy Kennedy blah blah blah Fucked a Monkey and a Cocktail Waitress
Friday: Chappaquiddick blah blah blah Republicans May Be Spending Money But at Least They Aren't Dumb Liberals
Saturday: Learning to Fly blah blah blah But I Ain't Got Wings
One day's catchphrase becomes the next day's main theme, which then becomes the next day's contrapuntal melody, which, by the end of the week, has evolved into a glorious, intricate masterpiece for the ages.
Clip the strips. Paste them in your scrapbook. Bury it in the yard. The world 200 years from now will be amazed.
Posted by CJo at 09:40 AM | Comments (3)October 11, 2005
W-W-W-Water
Here's the thing about today's strip. The one that is linked to above. I don't like it. You don't like it. I doubt even the author is crazy about it. But it fills the space marked "Tuesday" under the schedule of black and white comics for the week of October 10-15.
Perhaps if I were in charge of the comic strip, I would've looked ahead and done a Columbus Day theme. Perhaps I would've looked back while looking ahead and had a pop-in by Dio. Who knows. But like the horribly unfunny Saturday Night Live, P.C. keeps going back to the well far too often and that water done been gone for a long time now.
Cindy Sheehan again? Granted, I still love to tell a good Helen Keller joke. Here's one for you to chew on, for example:
See? That's brilliant. But there's really nothing new or humorous to say about Sheehan. She's a crazy hack. Duh. Take a cue and moveon.org, Scott.
Posted by Sacki at 09:56 AM | Comments (2)October 10, 2005
But I Ain't Got Wings
Ha ha ha ha ha. Brilliant, I tells 'ya. BRILLIANT!
All the wacky and plentiful Winslow-tries-to-fly strips from the last year and-a-half...it's all been a long, slow set-up for Stantis to have this moment of quiet introspection when he questions his values, his choices, the very fabric of his CORE BELIEFS.
Or something like that.
At any rate, the joke's on YOU, Scott! Ha ha ha ha ha.
Best. Strip. Ever.
Posted by CJo at 10:03 AM | Comments (2)October 09, 2005
Harriet the Spy
I admit it: I don't get today's Prickly City.
Maybe CJo can help out since he's got a photographic memory when it comes to previous PC storylines. Was Winslow at one time a Supreme Court nominee? Or was he angling for the job? I do remember Stantis having Carmen dance on the soon-to-be-dug grave of Sandra Day O'Connor's dying husband when she decided to step down to care for him, but I don't remember Winslow asking to be nominated to fill her spot. But then again I try to block these out as soon as I read them.
Anywho, Winslow is trying to sell a Supreme Court justice's robe by putting it on a cactus. It's not a hot seller though, so Carmen suggests it'll sell when the next justice is appointed.
Now I know Stantis is a few weeks behind the news curve. But it's obviously not a reference to the Chief Justice role now filled by John Roberts, since it doesn't have those bad ass racing stripes previously sported by William Rehnquist.
So I'm guessing he wrote this knowing that Bush was ready to appoint someone to fill O'Connor's robe. His choice: Harriet Miers.
Since so many conservatives are hating on W's decision to appoint his best bud, I'm curious to see where Stantis goes with her eventual storyline. Does he support the President and his choice? Or is he siding with Pat Buchanan and is furious with the decision? It's hard to say, and knowing Stantis he might skip the whole thing and talk about Howard Dean instead.
Not sure who Miers is like the rest of us? Here's a snazzy photo of Harriet handing her best bud in the world W the Presidential Daily Briefing on August 6th, 2001.
In case you were wondering, that PDB's title is, "Bin Laden Determined to Strike in US." Yup, they're that close.
Leaving that out of the equation though, I wonder if Stantis realizes how insightful today's single panel really is. For one the robe is on a cactus, showing how "prickly," if you will, the choice for a Supreme Court justice can be. Just as Bush 1 and his appointment of Souter - you never know what you're going to get. There's also the idea that Winslow is trying to sell the robe - is he saying that a spot on the court can be bought by the highest bidder? Mind you this is the second trial lawyer Bush has nominated, meaning they love the corporations over us private folk - but didn't Bush say over and over on the campaign trail that he hated trial lawyers?
In any event, after all that today's strip still doesn't make any sense and it's still not funny. Just like every day in Prickly City.
Posted by The Furnace at 08:43 AM | Comments (2)October 08, 2005
I Learned It From You, Republicans!
Today Carmen wonders - well, more like bellows - as to why people no longer have manners.
I agree with you Carmen - why don't people have manners anymore? Maybe they learned it from the Republican majority in the Congress.
Or maybe they're following the example of our Vice President.
Or maybe we can thank our religious leaders.
Stantis ends the strip today on an odd note, or maybe it's just a lame punchline. Carmen now knows why animals eat their young, and Winslow says that couldn't happen to him because he's "too carby." Huh? Last time I checked, animals and humans eat carbs, which are processed by the body - we don't really store them. Maybe this link will help Scotty to understand basic human metabolism.
As has been my trend the last few postings, here are some suggestions as to things Winslow could be too much of in order to avoid being eaten:
Too stinky (see, cuz he's a stupid stinky liberal)
Too loud (see, cuz he wouldn't have enough manners to shut up while being eaten)
Too sweet (for the "awww" punchline)
Too stringy
But instead I guess we're stuck with the Stantis out, maybe because Winslow is so packed full of bagels to go with his half half double half latte (see, cuz he wants to be a liberal New Yorker).
Posted by The Furnace at 08:37 AM | Comments (0)October 07, 2005
Can't Hear 'Ya, Ole Yappity Gums, So Keep on Hectoring
Can hear me now?
Can you hear me NOW?
Can you hear ME now?
Can you HEAR me NOW?
CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?!?!
No, Scott, we CAN'T hear you. Maybe you should spend another week "discussing" cell phones.
Granted, this post of the Best of Cell Phones in Prickly City would have been more relevant earlier in the week, but whaddya gonna do. I can't control the various twists and turns of the PC plot.
Like, for instance, today the Cell Phone story comes to an abrupt halt, takes a sharp left turn, crashes over the guardrail, and goes careening into the abyss below.
You know what Scott's problem is?!
All together now: "Yes."
Posted by CJo at 09:25 AM | Comments (3)October 06, 2005
Don't Be Playing On My Phone
This is the one in which our hero tries to save society from itself through good deeds & projects, like, you know...cell phone etiquette, the 3rd leading cause of bad comic strips in the United States. Please people, for the sake of the children, have some fucking manners.
Confidential to 'Toby in AL': Along the lines of Cell Phone Etiquette 101, perhaps you can forward Drink At Work's comprehensive Comic Strip Writing 101 to your distraught pal.
October 05, 2005
The Pink That Stinks and Winks
While it would be convenient to go after the easy target of exactly what odor a Coulter-based perfume would have, I'll dismiss it as being a 'not-smelling-like-Muslims' essence. But, as we all know and as has been shown to be the case in the past here at Shrubville, Ann has a predilection for the decidedly non-halal pork shank.
The other reason we're here today is to celebrate the birthday of Mr. Bil Keane, the author of the most widely syndicated comic panel in the world, Family Circus. I must admit, I have no idea who is what or what is where in the universe that is Family Circus, but the guy and his strip have been around a long time, so that must mean something, right? Maybe? Other than that, it's just an excuse to use this Family Circus strip of exactly one month ago that insinuates that Ann Coulter is getting fucked up the ass by the pizza boy. Yeah, cheap and easy. Just like Ann. (I hope that's not Slander. Or Treason. Or a hot poker in the eye.)
October 04, 2005
If At First You Don't Succeed...
After questioning Cindy Sheehan's sanity yesterday, Stantis must have gotten the memo from the conservative media (aka mainstream media) that nobody's supposed to talk about her anymore. I mean come on - there isn't anything to report about someone who helped organize a quarter of a million people to protest outside the White House.
Instead Stantis offers up one of his worst strips EVER. Seriously, if you thought Stantis was scraping the bottom of the barrel before, he's done gone and lifted up the barrel and started to dig to China.
I'm sure CJo can point out plenty of strips where Stantis has tackled the ever-so-scary "modern technology monster" that's taking over the nation - I remember blackberries playing a pivotal role in not being funny. Here it's a cell phone.
You see, everyone - including people at powwows (?!?!) are so busy talking on cell phones that they're not even paying attention to the person standing in front of them. Then Carmen, who's standing RIGHT IN FRONT of Winslow, realizes in the last panel that he's on a cell phone. Ha...ha? Did she not even see him holding a phone to his ear? Is she blind now? And I don't mean in a figurative sense.
To make things even worse, Winslow refers to the person on the other end of the call "Ol' Yappity-Gums." Huh? Who even talks like that?
A better question might be: Who is Winslow talking to? My suggestions to Stantis:
- Cindy Sheehan. She's chewing off Winslow's ear about how illegal the war is and how Bush is a coward and a pussy for not talking to her to explain the "noble cause" our soldiers are dying for in Iraq. But she's calling from the loony bin because she's so wacky for questioning the War President when he wasn't even home. And no, the President wasn't running away - he had to run out to the store to get a six pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon at the time. Or, listening to his latest speeches, a keg.
- Ronnie Earle, the prosecutor in Texas who now has THREE criminal charges against Tom DeLay. Maybe Winslow is the special witness who'll testify against Bugman. Stantis can come up with some obvious jokes about Winslow laundering money with a washing machine.
- Ted Kennedy, who only calls when he's drunk.
- Hillary Clinton, asking for Winslow's advice on how to be just like Geena Davis in "Commander in Chief." First step: grow 12 inches.
- Dio, who Stantis introduced as a character but still has no clue how to use him. Maybe he told Frist to sell-sell-sell!
No matter who Winslow's talking to, I'm sure it's a more entertaining conversation than this strip, even if the guy's nickname starts with "Yappity."
Oh God - it just hit me - funny nickname - talks all the time - it's George W. Bush himself! Now THAT would be interesting...not funny since this is Stantis, but definitely more interesting than cell phones at funerals.
Posted by The Furnace at 07:15 AM | Comments (3)October 03, 2005
Le Loony Left
Ahhhhhhh, back to normal. Feels good.
Making fun of the "le loony left" -- check.
Same exact "art" throughout the entire four panels -- check.
Using the sunrise/sunset gag -- check.
Not funny -- check.
Vintage Stantis. Get it while it's rot.
Posted by CJo at 10:16 AM | Comments (4)October 02, 2005
Fantasy Land
In his colorful Sunday strip Scott Stantis rips off that Simpsons episode where Homer imagines what life would be like if they lived under the sea, showing Winslow in a variety of underwater cutesy situations like sleeping in a clam and boxing an octopus. At least this one panel has a lot going on.
Since Scott is staying off the politics today, I'm going to put on my Shrubville Thinking Cap(c) and try to imagine where he's going to go with Prickly City in the coming weeks. Here are some ideas for Scooter if he reads this:
- We discover that Carmen has been thrown in jail for not revealing the name of the person who outed an undercover CIA agent. The storyline ends with her finding out that it was all a miscommunication, and she never had to go to jail. Hilarious! Although it makes Carmen look like a stupid tool. Of course her blind support and cheerleading of the run up to the war in Iraq already did a good job of that.
- Carmen is indicted for a conspiracy to launder money to PrickPac, the local Republican organization that illegally redistricted the city so Republicans would win a solid majority. And who indicted her? Winslow of course, and it's all a political vendetta even though in the past he's prosecuted 12 Democrats versus 3 Republicans. Carmen then goes on all the talk shows to say that it's all a big liberal conspiracy, and then orders the gangland murder of Jack Abramoff's former partner. I'm already laughing!
- Carmen gets her own radio show. When Winslow calls in asking about the connection between poverty and violence, she shows her true racist colors by saying if all black babies were aborted then the crime rate would surely go down. Confusion ensues because Carmen can't figure out if that means she should have been aborted. She then goes on her own talk show and says it's all a big liberal conspiracy. Funny stuff, that racism!
- Winslow campaigns to be nominated for the open seat on the Supreme Court. Instead Carmen gets the job when she refuses to tell anyone where she stands on any of the important issues. I should stop there, my sides hurt!
- We find out that Carmen owned a ton of stock in the Prickly City Hospital, but right before the stock took a dive she sold it all off and made millions. Did Dio help her with insider trading? Or did she know when to sell because she watched a video tape that allowed her to diagnose the stock market? Okay, I'd better stop there, I don't want to give away all the funny!
I can't wait for the next few weeks of Prickly City. With all of the action in the political world, he can't help but come up with some great comic strips that make fun of politicians.
Unless they're Republicans, who would have to be the brunt of all his jokes.
Uh oh - guess this means more Ted Kennedy jokes. We're screwed.
October 01, 2005
Awwwwwwwww
It really is a Very Special Week at Prickly City, as Carmen and Wilson - even though they hate each other's ideas and politics - still like each other. And that's what god EXPECTS of them.
Altogether now: projectile vomit.
Nah, I'm sorry - it's only fitting that Scott wrap up an unfunny storyline with a sappy sweet ending. It's not like we expect him to be humorous.
I wonder though if god expects us to have a 12.7% poverty level under Godboy George W. Bush (that's 37 million people living in poverty for you who aren't into percentages). Or for families to not have their median income rise for five straight years under Dubya. Or for 45.8 million Americans to not have healthcare under Jesus's Favorite President.
So tell me, my Religious Right brothers and sisters, are these the "good Christian values" God EXPECTS from us?
Sorry, guess I'm not very good at the whole sappy thing like Mr. Morality, Scott Stantis.
Posted by The Furnace at 08:06 AM | Comments (0)
picture courtesy of JB
